Writing Feedback / "Mark." - a story research [15]

Hahaha thanks a tonne Ana- I have tonnes Of excitement throughout my life to write a novel-lol - so maybe i can be a novelist once i achieve my mechanical engineering goals----btw ur "hei" is common for me coz i hav a couple of frns who r from Germany n. they keep saying HEI to me... can i find the Ebook for the Book u told me-i dnt know if i can find it in my city-but i will look for it- moreover u know ur way of writing striked me coz i hav read certain stories -(its not ok to disclose the real location of those stories here )-which were totally captivating-n thanks a tonne- keep in touch ms.hei :D

Writing Feedback / "tourism does not benefit the poorest" - IELTS [5]

Well Sangeetha, u r right . just follow the structure u have written and just know that time management is the most essential part of any exam... time management in writing n listening is easy in ielts... but in reading u need to have good time mgmnt..ur english can get u a band 7 score min provided u figure out structuring of ur essays.

gud luck

Writing Feedback / "tourism does not benefit the poorest" - IELTS [5]

hi Sangeetha,

POSITIVE ASPECTS OF YOUR ESSAY:

-BEAUTIFUL ESSAY... very thoughtful.
-EXCELLENT use of english...hardly any grammatical mistakes
-wide vocabulary used- will give u an advantage.

NEGATIVE ASPECTS OF UR ESSAY:

- As I have posted earlier and almost on all other fellow members' posts, U need to have a minimum 5 para essay... this was told to me by a professor from an IVY LEAGUE US University- who is an expert in evaluating essays.So now its up to u if u wanna follow it.

-to the question -"And how can we ensure that tourism does not destroy traditional cultures and ways of life?"..u have written only the following two lines in your whole essay i think...which i really dont think is sucfficient to support the opinion...

Besides, when the citizens prepare local delicacies, the tourists are exposed to the countries' traditional cuisine and ergo, it will be preserved.
Not only will they be able to gain something for themselves, but they will also lend a helping hand to the government to protect and preserve the country's traditions, cultures and customs.

-good luck

Writing Feedback / "Mark." - a story research [15]

Hey Ana,
ur way of saying "hei" is german i think... maybe its a european way. anyways i m not sure if u will find the dubbed version of the mentioned movie on internet. However, on youtube u can find it with english subtitles.But i would say that the novels are much better than the movie... his way of writing is full of humour-sarcasm- n i can bet u will love his writings. Would u like to share with me your secret -how u developed such a cool way of writing? lol do tell n btw Kevin- I love this website so much and i love the quotes... i hope to continue my initiative and some people on who's post i have replied have already started liking my quotes... :))

Writing Feedback / Money spent on the Arts by a government and number of participants in arts. [6]

Hi Sangeetha and Kevin,
firstly sangeetha , in ielts writing task 2 is much more important than task 1. so better manage ur time accordingly.

- the word limit in task 1 is min 150 words. however i wud say that in ielts task one -do not write more than 200 words. while in task 2-try n limit urself within 350-375 words-do not cross 400 for sure.

- representing the data- well this is a tricky thing-different ppl will do it differently- i wud tell u one such tip- when the data given is less- try n cover all the numbers,percentages etc. when data is more-try to highlight the main points only. its all about comparing the data-

-for example u r given a bar chart representing the defence budget of various countries. ofcourse USA would top it by far- followed my maybe russia, UK,france,germany,india,china etc... now for writing such a task- i wud say that just isolate usa as it is leading comprehensively-just say tht this detail shows that usa is a superpower n has a sound economy . but when it comes to china n india- u can say that the so-called developing countries are also now concerned about their defence and since their economy is currently booming- they are spending increasingly ..

-i hope i gave u what kinda general conclusion u have to derive from the datas.

-last but not the least- i got 6.5 band in writing- just coz i screwed up my task 2 structure... i had always advised ppl to write five para at least but in the exam i wrote four paras... maybe too much anxiety on my part- so just know that u need to keep ur mind calm- eveb if the topic of essay is beyond ur thinking.

good luck n i hope u wil find the help useful.

Writing Feedback / "Mark." - a story research [15]

Hi Ana,

I have been following ur posts and threads for quite sometime and I feel that u deserve the compliments...please continue the good work n always be in touch with EF...I have already thought of seeking your help for writing my SOPs and other docs for my post graduation admissions in coming months... ur writing is really damn interesting..i would suggest u an indian youth writer -Chetan Bhagat-do google about him and read his four novels... his way of writing is quite similar to yours and i really think his wide knowledge will be much more than help for u..

thanks for being a part of EF...

A QUOTE FOR U:

"Everybody wants happiness
nobody wants pain
but you can't have a
rainbow
without a little rain"
-unknown

Undergraduate / The more time people use the internet, the less time they spend with real human being [10]

Click on my name ajit88rai --- a new page will open- there u cn see the latest threads posted by me... its on my profile

Undergraduate / The more time people use the internet, the less time they spend with real human being [10]

Hello Sangeetha,
well the question u asked is very right... and if m understanding ur query correctly then in IELTS or any essay- the fourth para of the above structure should have small arguments against ur opinion.

NOTE-do not mention a very strong argument against ur opinion for which u dont have a good argument to counter... i know this sounds tricky-i also had the same problems but if u wanna really clear ur thought-just read the latest essays i posted n pay attention to the fourth para specifically... i used tomention a slight disadvantage but i used to counter it with a bigger advantage... if u need more help- u can email me too at ajit88rai@gmail.com

i hope i satisfied ur query

QUOTE FOR U:
"KNOWLEDGE SPEAKS ,BUT WISDOM LISTENS"
-Jimi Hendrix

Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

Hello Brandon,
from the introduction. u have written about urself- I would say that ur english is not poor, infact it is good. u just need to learn the small tips of grammar and spellings n then m sure u will have a great english... start posting ur writings here n we wil help u in every possible way.

good luck n cheers.

Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [413]

Hi Sanaz,
u r welcome to this great forum... if u r preparing for IELTS then instantly buy the Cambridge 7 books self study material ... u should pratice all the seven books n its very easy to get a 7 band score in ielts... but for achieving it-u need to just master the weaker sections-L & R and u need to perform above average in the not so easy sectionz- W & S... start posting ur essays here n we will b glad to provide u all the possible help...

good luck

Writing Feedback / "parents should limit the hours of watching TV programs or movies" - Toefl [4]

I was a coach (couch) potato myself when I was in the fourth grade.

-> If parents want their children to rely on themselves, it is urgent for them to limit their children's hours of watching TV and movies and force their children to read books and review all the lessons. ----- DO u really think parents should force their kids to study?? well it would be surely dictatorial parenting if they do so.

-> Although watching TV and movies properly can help us to relax our mind and a certain type of science and history programs can be benefit for us, children are too young to control themselves from watching to much. I suggest parents limit the hours of watching TV and movies of their children. -----in your whole essay u have been against kids watching tooo much tv, n now this line at the end will hinder your motive.

tips for u-
-> firstly u need to read the five-para structural approach for writing argumentative essays.
-> secondly, do keep an eye on ur spellings, there r quite a few spelling mistakes-which i think were just random errors but these will effect your score if u neglect them. the easy words should never be written incorrectly.

-> bifurcate this essay into four parts n write the advantages n disadvantages of each opinion..first think and then write.

i hope it helps u...

good luck

Writing Feedback / Immediate problems and anticipated problems which is more important to solve? [18]

yep my friend. anyways i wish u the best of luck for ur GRE exams n i hope u really excel in it... its not tough, just needs some regular practice... :D

Writing Feedback / Immediate problems and anticipated problems which is more important to solve? [18]

well buddy, IIM is the top business mgmnt school in India,n most of their students are IITians... plus dont even ask how competition is in india.... more than 1,000,000 students apply for IIT each year, n only the top 4-5 thousand r selected...competition is cut-throat... kids do suicide when they dont get desired marks...its a matter of life n death for many students in India to have a good career... everyday some student does suicide coz of study pressure n career expectations... its a sad fact, yet very true... but yes not just IITs , there r many institutes which r stepping stones for u to become a millionaire here... just get the tag, n u r bound to have success..

Writing Feedback / TOEFL_A job with more vacation time but a low salary is better than a job with a high [5]

hi,

....which is why doctors and lawyers are among the most respected jobs ( they are professionals , a doctor is a person-not a job i think.) in the world.

Your essay is quite cool and I would say that your english is also good. I could only find the above mentioned error in your writing which is ofcourse ok.

maybe u can also add that satisfaction is the key to an individual's expectations and performance in life. Different people have different perspective, some want money-some want enjoyment...

you can also co-relate this topic to LIFE... life is all about exploring new horizons and enjoying the new challenges. however there are several jobs in which no matter what u wish, u can't enjoy too many days off. For example people working in essential services like police, health care, military etc., they cant get long term vacations.

Your essay is really good, i am just trying to give you a wider perspective, and the key to write an essay is to be prepared to counter the opinion against you.

I hope it helps u.

QUOTE FOR U:

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

- Dr. Seuss

Writing Feedback / Immediate problems and anticipated problems which is more important to solve? [18]

hi, I didnt prepare GRE following any schedule...I had started solving n learning the english part of GRE ever since i started my engineering three years back...on n off,, but i remembered most of the words..n then i prepared whole-heartedly for 2 months n i got more than 1300 in GRE so i was pretty happy with it.. btw IIT is ofcourse the pinnacle of studies in India. the entrance exam of IIT is damn tooo tough n then the curriculum is also... all the indian IITs are among the top 100 technical institutes in the world and I have never heard of any IIT graduate searching for a job in India. Infact foreign companies hire them at their will...

Writing Feedback / Immediate problems and anticipated problems which is more important to solve? [18]

No problem my friend- i feel glad when i can help my friends over here- v all need each other's help.

Writing Feedback / Being happy with a job is more important than having a high salary? [7]

Hi buddy, for this particular essay , I would suggest u to read the following theories:
-scientific management by F.W.Taylor
- Abraham Maslow's need hierarchy theory
- Herzberg's two factor theory
if u read these theories- i mean their outlines only- u will b able to write more specifically n technically about what an individual wants in his life- n. u should know that for an individual- financial security is one of the prior needs while self-actualisation is the last need according to Abraham Maslow..

-try n co-relate with these ppl n their concepts- ur essay will look ultimate then...

i hope it helps u my friend

Quote for u:

"If you don't makes mistakes, you aren't really trying."
-Coleman Hawking

Writing Feedback / Immediate problems and anticipated problems which is more important to solve? [18]

If u are preparing for USA n GRE- i would suggest u a damn cool blogging website happy school.

it has all the info -right frm the time when u start thinking about usa till the time u find a job- it has it all- tonnes of tips n preparation notes and what not??? its like a micro-google on US based study plans... i hope it will help u- i love that website.

Writing Feedback / Immediate problems and anticipated problems which is more important to solve? [18]

Go n see Topuniversities.com
they will show u the QS ranking of various universities according to the choice of ur subject-there are many standard organisation which ranks univ all around the globe-QS is one of them.

Writing Feedback / Immediate problems and anticipated problems which is more important to solve? [18]

No my friend- GRE is required to apply in Germany- plus when i started my engineering- i had too much confusion about whether to choose USA,UK,GERMANY,CANADA??? after knowing all the factors- i hav placed germany as my first choice and then UK- i have some friends too in these countries so it shouldnt be much of a problem to know the ground realities .

Writing Feedback / Immediate problems and anticipated problems which is more important to solve? [18]

well my dear friend, I am applying not to USA but to Germany. As i feel that Germany is the hub of mechanical engineering and that why i wanna go there for masters. I havent yet applied for any university as I am about to start my final year of engineering next month. so maybe I am going to apply in oct-nov this year,, currently I am trying to learn German to pass the proficiency test.

GOOD LUCK with ur applications.

Writing Feedback / Immediate problems and anticipated problems which is more important to solve? [18]

Well my dear friend, I have also prepared for GRE n got good marks, but I have never tried making complex sentences...the more complex ur sentence is, the more chance of u making a mistake arises... so i would tell u to make average length sentences. I dont know aboout your teacher, but my teachers have always told me that the beauty of english is not in the formation of complex sentences but in the way u awaken the reader's emotions. Make him think vividly, but long sentences will make him/her to read it again n again to interpret the whole meaning , which i would say will surely frustrate the teacher who is checking ur answers. Rest , read sample gre essays through google n i m sure u will find really good essays . GRE vocabulary is tough, so make use of the vocabulary they look for.one or two long sentences wont effect u much, but if the whole essay is complex, then i dont know what the examiner would think.

good luck

Scholarship / Scholarship in management, management science. [3]

Hi,
here r some corrections which i think u might think about too

My passion for management was born out (of) necessity.

-I am looking for a course that will enable me to better plan my career (BETTER), by giving me the necessary skills and knowledge that employers require.

-I believe that studying Bachelor degree in Management Science and Business Administration program at Auckland University will perfectly fulfill my aspiration because It (it) has a full range of business and management disciplines that I need to understand how business functions and the complex organizational issues that managers encounter.

AFTER THE ABOVE PARAGRAPH, U HAVE WRITTEN :
"I want to strengthen my knowledge in the field of management and hence applied for the post graduation course in Auckland University."

-> Firstly u r saying that the bachelor degree program will give u an advantage, then u r saying u wanna pursue post-graduate degree...I dont know how it works at U of Auckland , but this sounds really confusing. So please re-check it according to the course u r applying.

-> I have not much knowledge about the structuring of a scholarship essay, however I would advise u to read as many scholarship essays as u can possibly, so that u will have more ideas.

-> try and fit a quote from any famous management scientist or entrepreneur which personally applies to u... tell them how that line affected ur thought- i think it will add more variety to ur essay...

These all are my views, u might b having different ones.

GOOD LUCK N CHEERS-I hope u get the highest scholarship.

a quote for u:
"Never tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon "

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Unlimited use of cars may cause many problems. [3]

Hi,
well first of all i would like to compliment you on your english- it is really cool-

as far as the idea is concerned- i would say that if u would have tried writing against this topic- you could have written lots of various points-thats my view.

for example- v cant blame only the cars for the traffic jams- the most imp measure would be to implement very strict traffic rules-banish all road encroachments-increase the width ofroads n making over-bridges to accomodate for the ever increasing population..

as far as car is concerned-firstly they r much more safer than a bike-plus in countries like usa where places r very far off n people live in suburb,there is not always public transport available-so cars n private transport is more than essential.

i hope it helps u.
good luck n cheers

Essays / "To what extent and in what ways do you believe India can alleviate 'Brain Drain'? [16]

Hi Ankita,
I think its quite an easy topic and u can get tonnes of points on it..

-> Writing an essay is an art... when u have to write an argumentative essay u need to bifurcate it into four parts with the advantage n disadvantage of respective views.

the above topic can be divided mainly into advantages and disadvantages.. i would like to give u brief help as to how u might start this essay:

INTRODUCTION-

- define " brain drain"
- give examples of countries where this has become an alerting problem.
- state your own opinion - u think people go abroad righteously or should they stay in their own country.??

MAIN BODY-

the main objective in an essay is to have a good flow.
Paragraph 1 :

so maybe you can state the main reason for brain drain.

- lack of proper education system.
-lack of support from the government.
-corruption in education system.
-lack of proper infrastructure
- lack of adequate facilities
-dim future prospects
-lack of exposure
-outdated syllabi (specifically in India where we have been studying the same syllabus since last two decades in engineering without any changes associated with the modern technology used in industries.)

- tough competition-> sometimes students find it easier to get admitted in foreign univ than their own coz of cut-throat competition.
-no proper faculty
-bad future prospects.
-not good salaries available

(u can write all of these or some of them-whichever u agree with)

PARAGRAPH 2:

write the advantages of studying or moving out in foreign countries to an individual.
for example:

-international exposure
- limitless opportunities
- handsome salaries
-exchange rate (i would say this is a major factor/advantage as people send dollars/pounds/euros to their home country where they get multiplied 10/20/30...many times.)

-better living standards.

paragraph 3:

in this paragraph u need to state the disadvantages of brain drain to a country.
u can say that its a bad attitude to leave one's own motherland... this will increase illegal immigration... it can also lead to economic imbalance...

paragraph 4:
in this para state in what ways india can prevent its people from option to go abroad...

(personally i really dont wanna criticize the indian education system on an international forum...u urself know what needs to be fixed... )
i would give u an example : in india, a student gets a student loan when he has a sound bank-balance, that too on an interest rate of 11-13.5% p.a on loans above rs. 4 lacs... n above all that - for a small period of 5-7 years...on the other hand- in USA (as far as i know), students get student loan for around an interest rate of 5-8% p.a. n for a period of 5-30 years... now do u think a student would like to really live in india when he is getting the least support possible from the government.???

CONCLUSION:

just summarize the whole essay and again state ur opinion strongly again

NOTE - this is the way i would have liked to write the essay...u must b having ur own style n views... so suit-urself accordingly...i hope it helps...

QUOTE FOR U:
"Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out? "

-from the movie : WHAT A GIRL WANTS.

Poetry / POEMS REVIEW ON ANIMALS or creatures [5]

Lol hahaha u r right EF_Susan, nice to c u here. i thought u left EF but its nice to c u back .. :-)

Writing Feedback / Telling the truth is mandatory in a sound relationship? [7]

hi,
u do have lots of mistakes in ur writing but dont lose heart. we all make mistakes. in ur writing i found that u were making too long sentences. the best way to avoid mistakes is to make small sentences.. i would say that learn translation first. that way u can convert any sentence of english in ur native language n then know if its making correct sense or not... when u do it repeatedly. u will start forming sentences easily later, without even translating them.

hope it helps.
" mind is like a parachute, it works best when its open"

gud luck.

Writing Feedback / Life and Art - Art immortalizes life. [3]

-Life is the period in an
(individual's ) life from (the) day of birth (until) death.

-Once an individual
is born, he/she remains
(blank) in their minds without anything or, in other words, (individual's) mind remains
(like a ) blank print on which everything is recored in the course of growth.

-Art is any creation of an
individual during his/her lifetime.Creation of Art could be any poem, story, printing etc.

- Such creations are
always dumb (dumb is not a good word to use here- u can use numb), means they
never speak but inside
these they speak a lot. Art
being lifeless gives life to
the creator.This means to
say that life ends up, but
art immortalizes life.

- your sentences are very thoughtful, just a little more attention is needed on vocabulary and sentence structuring.

good luck

Writing Feedback / Goodbye AIDS? HIV-AIDS is an irremediable disease no more. [8]

First of all if u r learning english by yourself, then i will suggest you two books-
1. Word power made easy- by Norman Lewis
2.Wren and Martin English grammar and composition

these two books will help u to make ur vocabulary and grammar strong. We all will love to correct your essays n writings here , but I would advise u tp read these books and then practice here what u learnt daily- maybe it will help all of us. rest i feel the corrections already made r appropriate.

Writing Feedback / America's ignorance towards Pakistan supported terrorism. [7]

My teacher in school told me to become a technocrat- n not an engineer- i always have his description in mind- an engineer can b good or bad in terms of knowledge but a technocrat has the sufficient expertise in the field... both r i think almost same however technocrat is i feel someone with the right set of knowledge for a particular task... quite confusing still i know lol

Writing Feedback / America's ignorance towards Pakistan supported terrorism. [7]

Hahaaha thanks Kevin n yeah I dont wish to hurt the American sentiments anywhere as I personally feel that all countries should b respected for their progress n development... all my friends or whoever asks me how to improve writing skills- i always advise them to join EF as i feel that it has benefitted me a lot... n btw i really wanna b a technocrat-never a politician for sure... :-)

Essays / Lazy societies always find to themselves excuses to do nothing!; What's CULTURE? [25]

Culture???? well I would like to add that its a very short yet a very descriptive word... y do we follow culture??? i think we all follow a particular culture as its gives us the optimism to go on with our lives during depressive moments, it benefits us or people around us in some sort of way....I would give u an example...in Hindu culture, we believe that God is everywhere and in every living being , even in plants... Hindus pray even infront of trees & plants like holy basil, banyan tree etc... y do they do that ,apart from their religious sentiments?? well whoever gave this idea of praying to trees n plants infact has benefitted the environment. holy basil, indian lilac, banyan trees have medicinal as well as environmental benefits, while ignorant people who cut down trees might not do it thinking it as a god... its a myth yet with a very strong reason... thats what a culture gives us.... it gives us optimism+ indirect benefits which we might not be able to see normally...

however, like a coin has two sides... cultures might be also having some bad rules or regulations which r required to be changed... n thats where cultural studies is important.... when you have studied deeply about a culture , only then u can improve your own mindset n reform it,... all the social reformers brought vast changes in cultures only because they had the indepth knowledge about that culture plus, they had strong reasons to discard the negative myths which harm us...

i hope this can satisfy ur quest about the importance of cultual studies n why do we need to do that...

Writing Feedback / America's ignorance towards Pakistan supported terrorism. [7]

Hi Kevin,
thanks for responding to this essay... I would say that there r two ways of criticism- constructive and sarcastic ( negative). In this essay I find that their is too much negative criticism about the American foreign policy...however when we are in an international forum, we should restrain from making too much aggressive remarks about any specific country, religion, race, caste etc.

- to be clear, I would say that their is always a sweet way to criticise or question anything... the calmness, respect (even for your foes) and politeness should be reflected in any author's writings n thats what a good writer should do. literature, books,novels, paintings and all other artistic forms should not be making controversial remarks or depictions.

- try to be polite in this essay n just know that there are many countries who have very weird forgien policy...its all about diplomacy and politics.- which i personally wish to keep a distance from.

Writing Feedback / Ban on Smoking / Advantage and Disadvantage-IELTS [3]

Hello, ur essay is good with pretty well written reasons. however in argumentative essays, state ur opinion in the intro para itself. its called as theme sentence.

i read in the welcome thread u wanna get band 7 in ielts overall n in all sections... i wud say ur writing can get u such a band score. Such a band score isnt tough , just give attention to the structure n grammar..

Writing Feedback / Change is always good. Discuss. (how to continue) [4]

refer to this essay of mine- maybe it will help u

IELTS-is change required or not?

Writing Feedback / Ielts Essay: Attitude towards 21 century and the world [6]

-structure of your essay needs to be refined my friend... your introduction is tooooo short. an essay is ,like all other things, built on a foundation...ur intro provides the necessary platform n in IELTS I think you need to have a good structured essay...

-To sum up, I once upon (again) reaffirm my opinion, given all these existing problems, which are nearly impossible to be resolved in the near future, we should not be overoptimistic about the 21st century.

ur reasons are good n grammar is also great I think.. just find a good essay structure to get yourself going.
good luck,
Ajit Rai

Writing Feedback / Someone is worth us telling the truth, someone isn't. [4]

u have made a lot of grammatical mistakes. U need to do two things- first find a very good grammar book and one for translation too. Learn how to translate your native language into English and vice-versa.

-the points u have stated are very good,but the grammatical mistakes will cost you a lot.

good luck and cheers

Writing Feedback / Ielts Graph (mortality and funding on different diseases) [8]

hi Aria, well it seems u r getting a little confused because of too many opinions and advices. U can write sentences like the following-

" the bar graphs below show the estimated money spent on research on various infectious diseases and the mortality rate in 1990."

"the comparison of the two graphs show that TB had the highest number of deaths in 1990 with around 1.8 million deaths in the year."

- Just note this Aria- the above graph "shows" (present tense) that how the money was "spent" (past tense). The deaths already occurred, the money has already been spent, but the graph is showing u those facts at present. so use past tense for the facts my dear friend. Its not confusing if u read what i said properly.

Writing Feedback / Ielts Graph (mortality and funding on different diseases) [8]

hello Dr. Aria. Hope u remember me n r doing well... As far as ur writing is concerned, I feel u have improved it considerably... U have explained most of the points very clearly. The few mistakes u did have been highlighted by Ratree. However, giving u a small tip-when the data is very less n u need to reach the word limit, then explain all the figures n data. And if data is too large, then explain only the main statistics n compare them...hope it helps...not too many days left for ur exam...good luck n cheers.

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Select students with academic ablity or teach them together? [6]

Hi,
first of all there are numerous spelling and preposition mistakes. When you are writing your essay here, a wrong spelling is automatically underlined with a red line. Do keep a check on that, else you will drastically lose marks in the writing section.

-you have presented good allround view on the topic. You can also write that- education is to prepare the students meeting the demands and challenges in the future. When a student is working,they might have to face both the uneducated and the highly intellectual brains. So they need to learn how to co-operate with variety of people, as in a class,all students do not possess the same intellect.

Good luck n cheers :)