Undergraduate / A Short UC Prompt 2 - "Growing Up In Long Beach" [6]

i just finished and i need help fine tuning this one. i am not too sure if i'm answering the prompt completely and whether or not this is an appropriate experience to talk about. a check for grammar and coherence would be nice. any suggestions would be much appreciated. thanks.

Prompt #2

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

A personal quality that I have that I am actually quite proud of is my self-discipline and perseverance. I grew up in probably not the greatest part of Long Beach, California, and I have watched several of my childhood friends fall victim to the extreme pessimism that my living environment exuberates, many of whom have already lost all faith in themselves and life in general.

A particular event that is memorable to me took place around the summer before my first semester at Long Beach City College. A friend from high school invited me to a party at his friend's house and, with nothing to do that evening, I told him I would go. On the drive there, I anticipated a stereotypical college party, with a house packed full of senseless frat boys, mind numbingly loud music, and enough beer to get a zoo of elephants drunk. But when I got there, despite my preconception, it was nothing like that. It seemed like more of a hang out than a party. There was alcohol, a cigarette bud here and there, along with a few other drugs that I am not too sure were legal. They offered me whatever they had, but I rejected and they were cool about it.

The whole night went on kind of like a dream, there was about twelve or eleven people in the living room, all talking about how life was meaningless and dreadful. A girlfriend this, and someone's dad that; all of these excuses of why things did not turn out the way they were destined to be. I abstained to contribute to the conversation, and instead, leaked out of the room while no one was noticing and drove home.

At the start of my city college career, I decided to distance myself from all the people who bogged me down from my goals and aspirations. Although these people do not necessarily make up a bad group of people, they do give off bad energy, and that's something I needed to grow away from. I discovered that when I surrounded myself with the small minority of city college students who have actually took their education seriously, their energy and enthusiasm for both life and school subconsciously rubbed off on me. Knowing people that have given up in what they hoped and dreamed of merely because of a lack of motivation, I am proud of myself for having the kind of self-discipline to stick to the books even when doing so seemed pointless and persevered in an atmosphere that was anything but uplifting.

Student Talk / Does being on the dean's list count? - question about the UC application [3]

for awards and honors in the uc apps, does being on the dean's list count? if it does, what do i put on the date received if i didn't receive any tangible document along with it and it was awarded for my work in Spring 2008? do i put the last month and year i of the semester i was awarded in or what? help would be appreciated. thanks.

Undergraduate / I am proud of my open mindedness - "Working With Different Scenarios" [6]

I've been working on prompt two of my personal statement for a while now and each time I have sat down with it I couldn't stick to just one topic. I am really confused on what I should write about and I need help on choosing which one of these I should stick with. Suggestions on how I might complete a particular idea? Should I abandon all of these leads and start new again? any help would be appreciated. thanks.

Prompt #2

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?

Attempt # 1
I think, above all other of my characteristics, the one I truly value and am proud of is my open mindedness. Despite being I didn't have traditional Filipino parents who want their children to be nurses and would look down upon them, disown them even, if they aimed to be anything less than that. Luckily, growing up, I was fortunate enough to have a family who didn't limit me to certain job and career, who offered me love and support in whatever I planned to do.

I remember when I was in kindergarden, I wanted to be a firefighter so for Christmas one of my uncles bought me a hot wheels fire truck and my dad bought me a rug with drawings of little buildings and roads wide enough so I can move my toy firetruck along the rug and pretend I was saving people. When I was in the fifth grade, I wanted to be an undercover dectective whose secret identity was a news reporter, so my mom bought me a walkie-talkie and a small notepad, called for a family get together, and let me interrogate and spy on everyone. In middle school I wanted to be a skate boarder so my dad took so old dirty wood signs and some how made a pretty sturdy skateboard ramp out of it.

In every endeavor I've tried to persure they have helped me ...

Attempt # 2
A personal quality that I have that I am actually quite proud of is my self-discipline and perseverance. I grew up in probably not the greatest part of Long Beach, California; and, as time passed, I have watched several of my childhood friends fall victim to the extreme pessimism that my living environment exuberates, many of whom have already lost all faith in themselves and life in general. A particular event that sticks out in my mind took place around my senior year of high school, when a friend decided

I've seen people high before, I've seen even more people drunk before, but these people hardly resembled people at all. They told

After high school, I decided to dump all the people who bogged me down from my aspirations and goals in the past to the wayside. And, with a little self-discipline and perseverance, I have turned myself into the outstanding student I am today.

Attempt #3
I think a talent that I'm actually quite proud of is my expertise in video gaming. I have competed and done well in many local and online amatuer tournaments and continue to play video games, outside of school work, as a hobby. I have most recently competed in a Halo 3 tournament sponsored by Best Buy and Gamespot called "Fly That Flag" where my team, Team Locksmith, got all the way to the semi-finals before being elminated by the tournament's former champs.

For those unfamiliar with Halo 3, This relates to me because I think video games really highlight the leadership qualities I have when things are going tough. Video games blah becoming intergrated into our culture similarly

Attempt # 4 (just not good at all ...)
A personal quality that I have that I am actually quite proud of is my ability to stand by my beliefs wholeheartedly.

I believe in are things that I stand by wholeheartedly. I've also made the more obvious decision to not hang around the people that are going to bog me down from my aspirations and goals. They say that your environment makes you who you are, I had to create my own. I think standing up for what you really believe in has it's ups and downs, but when it works, I believe it's a very admirable and very valuable trait. I make good conscience decisions about my life based on a strong foundation of beliefs I hold on to.

I believe in higher education, staying open minded, bettering myself as a human being, and above all, leading a happy and meaningful life.

For instance, after years of witnessing the terrible effects of drug abuse around my neighborhood among my friends, relatives, acquaintances, and complete strangers I've made a commitment to myself stay straight-edge my entire life.

I try to use my enviornment an not try to become a victum of it.

My ability to overcome things and change who I am in order to fit my needs.

I don't believe in much (I can be quite a pessimists sometimes) and a lot of my opinions are usually held with a light and tenuous grip, but the things I do believe in are things that I stand by wholeheartedly.

Attempt #5
Since then, I've been an avid reader and writer. I occasionally involve myself in Long Beach's open mic scene, and I've most recently been published in LBCC's online Literary magazine -- Verdad (verdadmagazine.org).

Poetry / "The things I've said" - a poem about writing [2]

i wrote a poem about writing. any suggestions?

The things I've said

The things I've said
I've said them once
and now those words are dead
they die mid-breath
like peanut butter magnets
and stir fried scrambled eggs
those things too will die
and rot away like bad bread
times cold breath
time and time again
Have gently cooled
the air's mind
many times
and many times
have made
all other breaths
lost in its dew

But the words on the page
That are written, not said,
Times breath doesn't effect
For when words read on a page
Bring back better memories
than remembered
Words seen on a page
Is times eternal breath in flesh

The things I've said
I've said them once
and now those words are dead

and I've pronounced these words
along with many other fantastic words
time and time again

As I walk with my words
Through my life and to my life's end
In hope I find
That some of those words are still living
at the same time (years later)
as they are being read