Undergraduate / Fear is a path to the darkside [5]

Holy crap I finished my essay in one day! I am so happy I was afraid I wasn't going to be done in time. I scraped my old topic and started a new one, I think it's a little less confusing, however, the structure is a little weird and it is WAYYYYY to long. Please help me edit it down or modify parts that sound weird or are boring/don't make sense.

Tell us the story of a street, path, road-real or imagined or metaphorical.

"Fear is a path to the darkside" - Yoda

Hidden in the shadows of one's mind exists a path of self-destruction. Walking the road of indestructible distress, fear infects one's destiny and mental state. The path of fear is said to be lethal. Since prehistoric times, it has led to the downfall of the powerful, prevailing their confidence and strength, deeming them weak, unavailing, and unworthy. Although, a truly charismatic, but also corrupt leader, Hitler had so much fear of being captured that he had himself killed. One of the most disparaging emotions felt throughout human nature, the path of fear is a long and continuous one; it comes and goes, but always travels the same path. Fear will come back, and it's doors will open, and lead you into the darkness.

Ever since childhood, I have continuously walked the path of fear when it comes to a particular subject. Frightened to death, but still alive, I incessantly followed the path to the darkside, too afraid to go into the limelight and face my dreaded terror. Time after time, I simpley allowed the prickly vines that surrounded the path of fear to choke me, inject me with its poison, and hold me down from accomplishing great things. It was my fault though. It was my fear of taking risks.

In my years before high school, I was always labeled the "timid" one, bottling in my thoughts and emotions, and letting my insecurities and fear of rejection take over my actions. In middle school, I simply gave up doing many things due to my fear of taking risks. I avoided meeting new people, doing new things, and eventually developed low-confidence and had fewer friends each year, as I became less extroverted and more reserved; My young, feeble mind, was tricked into following the safest route, the path of fear, avoiding any unnecessary contact with unknown people, places, and things.

In my first year of high school, I easily fell continued with my old ways. But one small event helped me find a way out of the fear of path, overcoming my fear of taking risks. I peered out the cracked window, up at the vivid moon crescent in the shady morning sky as I sat in my freshman Language Arts class. My teacher, Mrs. Bailer, was trying to modify the deformed circle that my class was standing in, so we could play an improv warm-up game. The instructions were simple. Each student would say an adjective that started with the first letter of their name, along with their first name and an expressive movement. They started at the opposite end of the circle. "Joyful Janet!" one girl screamed as she flung her body into the air along with a crazy motion. My forehead starting to steam up as my face turned red, and my finger tips rapidly quivered by my side.

I felt myself walking into an all-to-familiar path, this time with my enemy known as risk-taking. My mind was becoming fogged as I tried to think of an adjective that started with the letter 'R'. The negative thoughts ran through my mind, and I didn't want to do this. I couldn't. I would look stupid and say something dumb, and everyone would laugh at me for my stupidity. I immediately clung my trembling hands into my pockets to stop myself from shaking. My faceoff with risk-taking began, as I eerily looked it dead in the eye. Everyone stood silently, waiting for me to go. I continued to look down at the floor, not saying a word, hoping they would skip me. The vines started to appear again, tangling around my ankles, taking me down as my enemy prevented me from completing the required action. "Don't make him do it!" one of my classmates tried to defend me, as I stood there defeated, willing to be unhappy rather than pursue a simple task that may have revealed me as a fool.

At that moment in time, I had found myself alone, lying at a dead end in a bloodbath of my own disappointment. I was lost and didn't know where to go or what to do. I had ventured too far off into the darkside. Being too afraid to interact with people I didn't know, I shied away from socializing with others, and steered clear of joining any clubs at school. I isolated myself into a box, afraid of jumping out, afraid of being rejected and alone. I knew that this madness had to come to an end. I had managed to turn a simple improv-exercise into a crisis that shook my senses and took over my mind, hindering my capabilities. When was I going to let it all out, let go of my insecurities, take the risks that I had always feared?

I wanted to break out of the shell that I have lived within for so long. I was going nowhere in life by not taking risks. I couldn't learn from my mistakes, because I avoided doing things where I could mess up and look incompetent. My sophomore year of high school, I decided to change all of this. I took a huge risk and decided to join a variety clubs: the Academy of Finance, IB Club, and Woodland Park Zoo. Soon, I became more comfortable being around others, seeing that it was okay to make mistakes. In the present, I am not the same kid that couldn't raise his hand because he was too afraid to take that risk of being wrong. I am now my school's representative for the Academy of Finance and I'm not afraid to make mistakes anymore. For most of my life I had taken the path of fear, because I didn't want to take any risks. Now, I take the road less traveled.

Undergraduate / ideas or items in a particle accelerator - direction with Common App Essay [7]

I am so lost right now and I started a paragraph already. I guess I cannot organize my thoughts and maybe if someone read this they can help me find a direction?lol I wanted to talk about how society and various cultures, and I was going to talk about Tibetan-Chinese conflict and how they could not coexist, and then I was going to go into my personal story of how my school is the most diverse school in seattle and we all can coexist together OR how I am multicultural and my home has various cultures within it.

It is due in 6 hours. >.< I promised myself I wasn't going to wait till the last minute damnit! Any help is greatly appreciated!

Put two or three ideas or items in a particle accelerator thought experiment. Smash 'em up. What emerges? Let us glimpse the secrets of the universe newly revealed.

Society is often described as a group of people that are similar in geographical location, and share the same language, culture, beliefs, and interests. The usage of the term "society" is extremely broad and can refer to a family, school, city, state, or even a country. There are other ways that our global civilization uses the word-Eastern Society, Western Society, Judeo-Christian, etc. Despite the countless divisions of the term, societies tend to have multiple cultures within them with different customs and perspectives. There is usually one dominant culture in a society that often overlooks the minorities, and habitually causes conflict amongst cultures within a society. Many claim that it is impossible for multiple cultures to coexist in one society without their being conflicts between the groups. However, is this necessarily true? What happens if multiple cultures are thrown into a particle accelerator and bump into each other?

Undergraduate / Common App Essay- ("I was an extremely snoopy child") [5]

Hi! So, I'm finished with everything, but I was wondering if anyone would like to read over my common app essay for some finishing touches? I'm evaluating a significant experience.

I would GREATLY appreciate it!! :)

In the beginning, I could not keep my eyes away. The mysterious appearance sent shivers down my spine as I heard the haunting chants of the skittish creatures. Walking through the woods wrapped around my house, I was able to escape from the typical city-life of Seattle and explore the natural world that I had always been curious about.

Although my world is dominated by the use of technology and artificial objects, I realize the importance of being in touch with nature. I often find myself wandering back to the small patch of woods in the middle of the city. It gives me a feeling that the city cannot provide; a sense of seclusion, peace, and rejuvenation.

As a youth, I was an extremely snoopy child; I loved to go through things that I wasn't supposed to be touching, exploring untraveled places within my house, or simply spying on my sister whenever I was bored. On one particular day, I decided to journey through the woods all by myself. I packed my binoculars and grabbed my throw-away camera and set off into the woods, hoping to find something rare or exciting. By the end of my quest, I had seen a couple of sparrows, odd-looking bugs, and numerous trees. I had wandered off the path and was lost in the core of the woodland, as I tried to find my way back to the main path. It was starting to lightly rain and I remember hearing what sounded like a waterfall as I made my way home. Creeping up to the sound, I remember the excitement I felt as I made my way up to the trickling sounds of a possible natural-wonder in the middle of the woods. However, I was shocked to see a large pipe expelling dirty sewer waste into the woods.

That moment was a turning point in my life. Although I was not able to fully express myself at the time, I realized the impact that humans had on the environment and the world. It was in the woods where I discovered the significance of protecting our wildlife and respecting the environment.

Seeking to gain more knowledge about wildlife, I decided to join a volunteer program called Zoo Corps, at Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle during my sophomore year of high school. I was eventually accepted into the program that spring, and it has opened my eyes to a world that I would otherwise not be able to see. Through Zoo Corps, I am able to understand fully why animals are becoming extinct and the methods that are used to protect them from their fate. In this program, I provide conservation education and increase public awareness regarding animal endangerment and environmental protection to visitors at the zoo. I believe it is important to empower people especially youth, to protect our Earth and environment, so the world can become a better place.

One of the projects I help promote is the African Wild Dog Conservation Project. The wild dog is a magnificent canine that once roamed all of pan-Africa, but has recently been confined to the small country of Botswana due to continuous poaching and habitat destruction. To increase the population, scientists are making bio-fences to help the dogs create distinct territory, so they will not roam into farmland and disrupt farmers' livestock.

I believe that my connection with nature and and my unpleasant run-in with an open-sewer has ultimately helped me find the importance of protecting our environment and has made me a more environmentally sensitive person. That day in the woods has helped me discover the importance of protecting the world around us when addressing the needs of society. By joining Zoo Corps, I have been able to enrich my knowledge about environmental science by studying and learning about the interactions and facts about animals around the world and the importance of conservation.

My determination and passion to learn more about environmental science has been fueled since joining Zoo Corps. During my college years, I plan to continue fighting for animal and nature conservation. I want my dreams to become reality, and by attending college, I will be able to gain the necessary knowledge required to become an environmental scientist and contribute back to society. I believe that my path has a purpose, and in the future, I would like to play a larger role in the conservation of endangered species and threatened ecosystems.

Undergraduate / Common App supplement (Sentence structure and grammar problems) [4]

This is for my NYU supplement and I need a little help with sentence structure/grammar because some parts sound really bad. Plus, I would like to know if it actually answers the question.?

You have been selected to sing in a talent show. What song would you choose? Why? (500 character max

"As Santana strums his guitar to the hip-hop beat infused with Spanish sounds, I step up to the microphone and start to sing a song known as "Maria Maria" sung The Product G&B. The poetic drama tells a tale of a woman named Maria who grew up in Harlem, but falls in love with a man in East L.A. I chose this song because it not only discusses the current east & west coast rivalry conflict, but also tells a romantic version of Westside Story. This lyrical masterpiece has passion, meaning, and story."

It is 500 words exactly. I bolded the parts I'm kind of worried about. Thanks in advance!

Undergraduate / Why U of C Essay [3]

I'm sort of worried about the delivery of my "Why?" essay. It is formal, boring, and forgettable, but it is also honest. Any critique/suggestions are greatly appreciated.

How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.

"So, where do you want to go to college?" A simple question that has become a reoccurring ritual over the past couple of months; despite the numerous questioners, my answer has always been consistent. Selecting a college to attend is an adventure all on its own, but ever since the beginning of my search, I have always been intrigued to attend the University of Chicago. Despite living thousands of miles away in the rainy city of Seattle, I know that Chicago is where I aspire to have my undergraduate experience.

The University of Chicago is deemed to be the perfect liberal arts college. I'm relentless when it comes to a challenge; the rigorous coursework and high grading standards at the University of Chicago will provide the academically demanding experience that I strive for. With the extensive Core Curriculum and wide range of courses offered, I will be able to break out of my comfort zone and participate in classes that I never had the opportunity to take.

The environment at University of Chicago is incomparable to other schools. I take pride in attending the most diverse high school in Seattle. The diversity on campus definitely plays a role in where I decide to continue my education. The University of Chicago aims for a diverse student body and faculty, which is a vital concept because it is essential to interact with people from different backgrounds to learn their perspectives and different points of view.

David Suzuki, alumnae of University of Chicago, is a source of inspiration who empowers me to continue my education in a field that I have always loved - science. With his passion and scientific understanding, he has become a notable environmental protector, raising climate change awareness and creating a non-profit organization that aims to create equilibrium between human need and nature. Suzuki's role in reversing global warming and his contributions to sustain all life are what motivate me to explore the world of science, and I believe the University of Chicago will prepare me to become the intellectual that I aspire to be.

During my years at Chicago, I hope to go beyond just receiving an education. In a facility where education is highly valued, and intellectual thoughts prosper, I will be able to thrive and make my mark in this world, contribute to society, and make a difference.

Undergraduate / "You don't even look Filipino." - Personal Statement [7]

Hello. I need help with my essay, it will be greatly appreciated! I'm mostly wondering about what I need to add, like if there is empty spaces in the essay. thanks!

Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

People can perceive others for many things, judging every aspect and characteristic of them without actually knowing who they are or where they come from. Society is extremely judgmental and forces people to pick sides. I am multicultural. My mother has a diverse background of ancestors from the Philippines, China, and the Cherokee Tribe. My father's ethnicity is strictly European.

"What are you?" A constantly asked question that has become a reoccurring ritual over the years, but during the summer of my junior year, when a coworker asked this, I simply told her that I was half Filipino and White. Growing up, I realized that I mostly had European features, but I looked somewhat racially ambiguous, and people interpreted my ethnicity however they wanted to. Since I was younger, I've been told I look Mexican, Jewish, Greek, Spanish, and the list goes on. I do not really mind people asking what I am. However, when I told my classmate my ethnicity, she stubbornly replied, "What? You're not really Filipino. You don't even look Filipino."

For a moment, her statement threw me off guard. She was not only judging me, she was making assumptions of my culture and the way I look and act corresponding with my ethnicity. I simply did not fit into the typical stereotype of the standard Filipino and I found myself having to prove my ethnicity. She was not allowing me to be myself and I felt defeated, as if I could only claim my European side.

This experience was one of the most stressful situations that I have ever faced, but it has taught me something that no lesson at school could have ever taught me. Like at my home, where two completely different cultures collide, I like to find the similarities in people rather than the differences. Instead of picking sides, joining together helps people unite and become one, setting aside the differences that keep us apart.

By the end of the summer, my coworker and I surprisingly became good friends. I am proud that we were able to put aside our differences and overturn the assumptions that were made when we did not know each other very well.