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Posts by kabal
Joined: Jun 2, 2012
Last Post: Feb 27, 2013
Threads: 9
Posts: 61  
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From: United States of America

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kabal   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / NYU economics program; NYU sup/ Academic Interests [10]

Very nice introduction. relating to economic is a plus.
But at the end you lost steam. The question asked how you plan to take advantage of THE PROGRAMS AT NYU.
you didn't say much about how you would take advantage of the programs, you just brushed through them like a list.
Since you have a limit of 1500 characters, use words wisely.
the first sentence of the 3rd paragraph can be added to the second.the rest can go, to give room for one to elaborate on one aspect you wish to explore more in NYU, then you can breeze through the other point.

Since you talked about Beijing's transformation . you could talk about something that relates NYU, global development...JUST AN IDEA.
I also plan to study economics.
Let your passion for economic show through the essay.
kabal   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Chicago essay: So where's Waldo really?! [6]

GREAT ESSAY.
But i think there is a big logical error everyone failed to see in this essay
After reading the essay, i found out that waldo is just a concept in all of us. So WHY USE "HE". Why not it.

Waldo can take the shape of our fears and virtues, can get stuck to our dreams because we were afraid to fail,or can lurk within us and we're unable to find him

the desire to fight for your dreams, to never give up your goals and hopes,
In the last paragraph , you asked why we need to find waldo. But in the previous paragraph, you said its in us.so i woould say we have been searching for something that doesn't need searching for.Once we are self aware of waldo, you know it right next to you.

something like that
Pretty good over all.
kabal   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Difference between raw and cooked egg/ Stanford Intellectual Vitality [9]

Didgeridoo did a great job editing your essay, as he did mine. hard to find grammatical error
Your essay's brilliance is in its simplicity. well done
found one:
Over the years, I concluded that something inherently was wrong with my hatching abilities or my technique
well done. nice flow and nice sense of human. Stanford better take you before you start some weird experiment.
Good job
kabal   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / "silence remains, inescapably, a form of speech" ; UCHICAGO SILENCE ESSAY [7]

This is original.you started strong
You could finish strong by expressing the way your mother felt when you humbled yourself, since she also was silent.

three months of the silent treatment why add the treatment
best fits fit
It was the worst of times because she
And things got stingy when she stopped asking what I wanted for dinner rephrase
However , "talk" is cheap
. In fact, I practically lost a few pounds by living as an outsider maybe you can try: not to mention i lost 3 pound living as an outsider

great idea . good luck
Tell me what you think about my own silence essay.
kabal   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / X-box; Uchicago essay- The power of silence [2]

I was wondering when you said it was due jan 2. I thought it was due march 1
I was 12 the moment... sounds weird as if the instant the vase broke you turned 12. LOL CHANGE

My mom was surprised is much simpler
I wanted to leave, but before comma
My younger brother, Daniel, who was about 10 at the time, had hit the vase while playing with his soccer ball inside of the house
Our eyes locked into each other's( use another expression or change the word other's )

this is surprising good. it started predictable then WOW.Nice.
Simple with lots of meaning.
Can you help me with mine
kabal   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / I'm the epitome of "Peace in the Middle East" [6]

The first essay showed you are a thinker and you can analyze the world. It doesn't have to be personal, like the prompt said either personal, international .... issue and you choose latter .

second essay

You didn't fully answer the question.
it said,what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
from what i understand you tried to mesh the two together. and you fail to answer neither one.
the first two paragraphs are ok but he third is just too confusing.
think you were trying to explain that because of the lack of diversity in HS you transferred to NEW SCHOOL, but its academic curriculum was not challenging and you want more .

Try this.
make it simple
HS was not diverse, so you couldn't express yourself without sounding weird,which might affected you affected your academic progress, but you still cam top of your class(this shows the struggle you face and overcame and show the importance of diversity

now talk about your want for a place where academic excellence and diversity would suite you more....
kabal   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / I kept silent about my sickness; UCHICAGO Supp - (SILENCE) [9]

PLEASE Read I hope it is a good version.. I need advices about the overall essay, especially the concluding paragraph.

Susan Sontag, AB'51, wrote that "Silence remains, inescapably, a form of speech." Write about an issue or a situation in
which you remained silent, and explain how silence may speak in ways that you did or did not intend. e Aesthetics of Silence, 1967
kabal   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / My own reflection; UCHICAGO/ Relationship between me and "ARCH NEMESIS" [9]

My lab partner and i are applying to the same school, kind a scary and very anxious.
The movie was memento by Christopher Nolan, i guy who was looking for a killer, but turns out he was the killer. The plot was very crazy, like all Christopher Nolan's movie
kabal   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Not a singular word - So where is Waldo, really? University of Chicago Extended Paper. [6]

your essay has a kind of effect that allows the reader to forget previous essays.
the essay is gold. i have been trying to understand this prompt for a while and you just made it clear..this frustrated me to the extent that i am having difficulty choosing between the arch nemesis and silence essay.

taking waldo has a concept is very brilliant and show you thought hard about it. i am sure you would get, don't worry.
kabal   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / I kept silent about my sickness; UCHICAGO Supp - (SILENCE) [9]

your comments are like you what me to describe to the reader how ,where, what? Like vividly. Ami right?
can you give me a few examples . sorry if am i little unclear, didn't what to put my life story to the admin officer.
kabal   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Prestige/ History/ Location/ Financial aid; UNIVERCITY OF CHICAGO/ Why? [4]

short and precise , good
But like joah5454 said, what do you have that can benefit the college? a significant experience, knowledge, or something you posses that you think is unique/

You said, in your second sentence that you UC provides history... but it does does not provide fin aid for international applicant.???

you were direct about what you wanted to study, but i think you should show it by being more descriptive, not that it's easy, but try
kabal   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / I have spent my life delineating your face; UChicago Supp [6]

Topic is confusing. could it be write a letter to you or something else. the topic doesn't hint at what the essay is about. make it clear if you taking this risk; don't leave anything to chance

First 2 sentence contains lots of imagery, but i was confused about who was crying and who was doing the calling because in the next sentence you used i and the previous sentence you used me.

The fourth and fifth paragraph have different identity and can't tell which is which.

It is very confusing to be honest, maybe if made your character more distinctive, it would be easier to relate.
kabal   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / I won four rounds; UCHICAGO SUPP_ARCH NENEMIS [6]

A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies." -Oscar Wilde.
Othello and Iago. Dorothy and the Wicked Witch. e Autobots and the Decepticons. History and art are full of heroes and their enemies.
Tell us about the relationship between you and your arch-nemesis (either real or imagined

Evanston, not has windy has Chicago, but living close to the lake surely feels like it. The view of lake from my room looks beautiful and calm, unlike my sleep last night. It made me think about the immense power of God, but I ask myself if God is listening to my prayers. I lost last night's battle to my arch nemesis, sleep, just like I have done many previous nights before and the lady gaga's song playing in my neighbor's apartment didn't help. It is easy for some people to underestimate the power of sleep. For me, it is very difficult to sleep. Sleep is like a gladiator I do battle with eight to nine hours available to sleep, in which I win one to two hours.

My battle with sleep started about the time our house burned down and I have been on a losing streak ever since. However, I have tried everything humanly possible to defeat sleep. I have even tried using well known law (sleep) enforcement like lorezepam, lunesta, but they have all failed me.

However, December 12 would be different because I had my final exams in my calculus two class. This exams would decide if I got an A or experience the agony of a B, moreover I had new plan for both passing my exams and sleep, which I called the natural knockout out.

Firstly, I had to over the laborious experience of eat vegetables, including BROCLL for breakfast, which I somehow overcame by imagining my vegetable was same has the vegetables in the Progresso commercial.

Later in the day, I decided to finish reading Robert Ludlum's Apocalypse Watch. The key to this new plan was to be tired both physically and mentally so I decided to play soccer for about three hours. Feeling physically tired, I had to make my brain feel the same. Reviewing my test was relatively easier, but my thought began to drift has I got closer to bed time. It was the countdown of a boxing match between Muhammad Ali, I, and mike Tyson, which was sleep.

10pm, on my bed just staring at Isaac Newton's dark eye brown on my ceiling. 10:30PM, still nothing. BUM BUM, my neighbor has decided to help out mike Tyson, sleep, by playing 50 cent. 11:30, I decided I also needed help. I put on head phone and searched for a song that might put me to sleep. Found one of Celine Dion's songs, but it was too depressing. Found Devenire, a classical music by Ludovico Einaudi, very soothing playing of the piano and violin and...

3:00pm it work. I slept for almost four hours. I couldn't believe I won four rounds. Sleep must be feeling bad right now. Even though I lost this battle, I am sure sleep knows I have found a technique different from drugs or needles, nature. I am sure the war is mine to lose.

WHAT DO YOU THINK. i don't if this is better than my other essay on silence. your Opinion is extremely valuable
kabal   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / MY INTEREST ON STATISTICS-Cornell essay [13]

You hit the nail on the head.
You answered the first part of the prompt with the first paragraph, 2nd part with the 2nd paragraph, but what makes statistics exciting. is it when the numbers starts meaning something?

Give an example the reader CAN RELATE TO E.Gdeveloping sudoku, anything
"The various diagrams clearly showed us the general status and inspired us the future development" What diagrams? histograms, pie chart.
overall good essay, but make it sound more STATISTIC. to show you know what you are talking about.
if you can,make the second paragraphy flow into the third

Very good essay
kabal   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / "He, who opens a school door, closes a prison";Stanford Sup/ What matters to you& [5]

It is obvoius what you are passionate about, it shows through the essay.
"Victor Hugo's words have propelled me to ...." i think you should mention that his words were add motivation you already had and not the only source of your motivation

I think if you were going to mention statistics, have a concrete source or avoid it

Second part of the essay shows what you would gain when you accomplish your goal, which is good but first mention what you have overcomed then lead on to what you stand to gain to show your motivation.

"Although I have had to work to help my family, I will never let anything from obtaining the education I so desire...": this sound weird. would your working prevent you from archieving your goal? fix the "although" or take it out

Overall, good essay, clear point, good flow need more personality

Thanks gor your comment, it was my first draft after 3 days of thinking.
kabal   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / I kept silent about my sickness; UCHICAGO Supp - (SILENCE) [9]

Susan Sontag, AB'51, wrote that "Silence remains, inescapably, a form of speech." Write about an issue or a situation in
which you remained silent, and explain how silence may speak in ways that you did or did not intend. e Aesthetics of Silence, 1967.

My eyes were closed but i could smell of disinfectant in the air, the quiet sound of constantly moving feet. I was not sure were i was. I gradually opened my eyes and realized i was at the hospital and saw my mum asleep. I didn't know how i got here , but i knew i was responsible.

Ever since i was i child, i have had difficulty breathing. My parents couldn't afford or take the chance for me to undergo a risky operation. However, there were preventive measures i could take if i was every vigilant about the symptoms.

Over the years, i have always been told my parents about my symptoms, but every time i tell them about the first sign, i notice sher anguish and terror. I felt sad everytime i put them through the sam thing again and again, so i decided to take care of my self and show my independece.

When i noticed symptoms again in school, i kept it to my self. My professor asked if everything was okay, but feeling dizzing and tire, i said nothing, hoping to get home and take care of myself.

It happened ! All i could remember was the sweat all over my body, the salty taste in my mouth and somehow listening to my mum saying why, why, why.

Now fully awake, seeing my mother in tears. She was scared and at the same time angry with me." why did you keep silent or am i doing a bad job at this ?", my mother siad.

I was surprised andin tears that my intention was misread . My keeping silence was to relieve the the pressure she had but i somehow increased it exponentially.

My intention was to learn to be independent, but i also learnt what silence was.If there was one thing i took away from this, it is that silence is not only a form of speech, but it is has an attidude of its own; it is like a sign that can be misinterpreted or translated for us. It is better we let our voices heard. For me, i didn't know the words to express my desires without hurting my parents because words are like broken eggs that can't be taken back once said.However, silence is not a good alternative.

/ thanks. BE VERY MEAN PLS
kabal   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / Why CMU? Math/Business, MCS/Tepper [2]

this question is the hardest because you are trying to put different ideas into one essay .WOW
"But what fascinated me the most was THE knowledge of advanced math gives people..."

"When I research the necessary qualifications for a financial engineer, it is daunting"
Why is it daunting? it shouldn't if you love calculus like do

Well written.while reading , it felt like BLAH seen it , heard it.
The first part was good.
second, the question says reason why you are interested, but you only said am interested...
How can you relate business and your background.
The way you have it flows okay, but to reduce the friction add more personal link the math , business and CMU
kabal   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Could be a game children like to play' - Where is Waldo? U Chicago [5]

sorry for not helping, i really don't understand this question. Its like how would i know?Jeez
Fishes it right. its not personal
Anyway
all i read is possibilities not a developed actuality.
You might first explore more and develop what you think.
Sorry, am not doing this question because its easy to go wrong and too many possibilities
kabal   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / Social Science Nerdiness ~ Why Northwestern? Essay [6]

great reply enigma33 . i also applied to northwestern , but was wait listed . It is kinda tricky
Firstly, its kinda like a dreamy essay, you want to accomplish alot, which is good but very unlikely since you are going into economics.
mentioning northwestern business school doesn't make it unique. i should start with your own qualities and relate them to 1 or 2 qualities northwestern has.
go to daily northwestern to see what the school is passionate about/
kabal   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / Why Yale? Candidness in teaching - Yale Supp [5]

never knew this is how yale did their stuff like this,interesting.
Be yourself.These are very specific question that shows the character of an individual be it history, politics, life etc
The prompt about history is weird because evidence of thought process in humans is not known to have existed then; i took anthropology in the summer.

don't go that far. you could say the creation of the nuclear bomb. why it was created and how it could be prevent. it just flows to Iran's stubbornness in having a nuclear weapon.

the rest are okay, you showed your flaw, your eagerness to express yourself.
the best response are those that don't show perfection. good luck
kabal   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / Hip Hop - Rice Supplemental Essay [5]

you just described me! great essay. your first sentence is kinda weird because you sound like hip hop is bad by saying you shouldn't listen to it. overall its a great essay simple, short and very meaningful. it doesn't have to be that long if you are a good writer.
kabal   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / Common App(Issue of Concern) + Syracuse Supp; "Luxury of automobiles" [2]

You way you answered the first 3 question looks like you know what you want and you are determined. your first essay is very interesting. Car's damage to the atmosphere is not as much as the factories in china. Also you make it sound scary. At least write some good points about cars a person might think.g the admission officer . and give a counter argument.

You could also say that cars limit human interaction and connection and take it from there.
just one person's opinion.
kabal   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / UCHICAGO How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire [7]

I belong to the group of people who believe that human learning is a posteriori. After all, I haven't really experienced University of Chicago, but the knowledge I have is based on the experiences of others and this is the kind of experience is what I can relate to.

I spent one year of my high school was spent in the northern part of Nigeria. In the first few weeks of class, the books assigned for reading had little to no science and more religious content, which was quite interesting for a few weeks but became a drug for sleeping in class. We were not allowed to buy any science books, especially biology, I think because of the conflict about the creation man. As usually, I had to make my voice heard. Before the beginning of class, I would write on the board "We need more books"

I tried to convince my teacher, who graduated from a school outside the region, to talk to the principal about allowing some science textbooks. My teacher understood, but his good intention was driven by the money he would make from getting the books from a known supplier, which I taught was really wrong, but didn't know how to react, maybe I was selfish. With my teacher's help, we started a paradigm shift that would take a long time for a significant change to occur because the school was literally owned by a rich Muslim cleric. Unfortunately, I was frustrated out of the school because my ideas were in conflict with what the school wanted.

This experience shaped my idea of what my dream school should be like, a place where different cultures and ideas are not only embraced but how these cultures can shape me and I it. A place where an idea would pierce the heart of everyone in class, due to its small size, rather than fade in the crowd; I believe University of Chicago is that place. Having decided to study Economics, University of Chicago is a place where I finally can have a chance to pose questions like why an increase in a country's GDP does not translate to economic development for all classes or how the improvement in education and economic policy can curb the threat of terrorism around the world. These questions wouldn't be answered by debating alone, but by having a state of the art research facility, which University of Chicago provides for students.

My future goal is to contribute, in one way or another, to the development of new theories that reduce poverty and inequality. To achieve this goal, University of Chicago would be a great help to foster an environment where students of all religion and race can challenge my different ideas and have supporting or opposing theories about economic problems .A school with so much Nobel laureate winner is a place where fear is absence and curiosity is abundant is a place where I can truly be prepared to have an impact in the society.

University of Chicago is a place whose great professors have tackled complex question and provided solution to social problems. One question I, myself, encountered during the presidential debate was if we were better off now to four years ago. Of course, both candidates, as usual, gave answers supporting their campaign, but none gave a convincing answer. However, what I do know is that I would be better off in University of Chicago.

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