Undergraduate / I know we'll get along; Stanford - Roommate [7]

All critiques and edits are appreciated.

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Dear roommate,

My name is - , but you can call me DC. Though I don't know you yet, I know we'll get along. Having attended international schools with people from many countries, I'm a very tolerant person, and I enjoy being with many types of people and cultures. But I also enjoy many activities. Though I'm disciplined and work diligently at night, I always make time to relieve my stresses whether it be through music or sports. If you don't find me in the room studying hard, you'll either find me in the gym playing basketball or somewhere on campus playing my guitar. And I can also play drums. Can you play instrument? If not, I can teach you and if yes, I'd love to jam sometime. When I'm not studying, playing music or sports I also love watching the history and comedy channel. "Ancient Aliens", "Conspiracy theory with Jesse Ventura" and the "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" are some of my favorite tv shows. I'm keen politically and might engage in a debate with you about how drug enforcement has led to more drug users not less. And I must warn you, I'm a little bit (I lied: a lot a bit) of a conspiracy theorist. Don't be surprised if I end up telling you about what I think is really going on under everyone's noses. By the way, if I accidentally spit in your face, I apologize ahead of time. I beatbox a lot. Maybe I can teach you a beat or two, and we can harmonize beats together, or better yet maybe you can rap. That would be cool. Anyway, I'm looking forward to sharing my experiences with you and listening to yours. But more importantly, I'm looking forward to creating new experiences with you at Stanford together, experiences that we will remember years from now. I hope you, like me, are the type of person that can study hard one day, read a book and listen to music the next and go out and explore the city the next after that. If you are, then we're friends already. Looking forward to meeting you.

-DC

Undergraduate / Be Informed; Pomona Supplement - What I say to my community [4]

Any critiques and edits are appreciated.

If you had the complete attention of your community for five minutes, what would you say, and what would you hope to accomplish?

If I had the attention of my community for five minutes, I would tell them to be informed. As a country and as a society, we are more ignorant than any other time in history. Many people do not understand nor wish to understand the issues facing them. The average person today is more likely to know the details of the General Petraeus affair than the details of how our healthcare system works. In fact, ignorance has led many people into deep apathy towards important matters that define our political, economic and social state as a country and as people. Thus, ignorance has led to more than just not knowing or not wanting to know about important issues, it has has led to an unwillingness to participate in the democratic process. It is the reason we do not see people voting and not being active in the way every citizen can and should be. To me, ignorance is the major culprit in society today which is directly responsible for the American laziness and inactivity we so often see. For these reasons, I would tell my community that staying informed is the only sure way to express the concern that leads to action. As Thomas Jefferson once said, "Educate and inform the whole mass of the people... They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty." You see, Jefferson understood that without being informed one would not be aware of the problems we face, thus concern and action would be left by the wayside and the liberty of the people could potentially be diminished or worse lost. So, for the preservation of their liberties I would tell my community to be informed because ignorance is not bliss.

Undergraduate / Dream School; Boston University Supp- Why applied? [9]

All critiques and edits are appreciated. I'm seven words over the limit, so help cutting it down is critical.

In no more than 250 words, please tell us why BU is a good fit for you and what specifically has led you to apply for admission?

After first discovering BU, the urban campus and strong school spirit appealed to me. I had finally found the perfect balance between urban city life and active campus life. Most universities located in the city lack school spirit, and most universities in small towns have no major city nearby. BU is the perfect place that combines a major city rich with culture and opportunities with an active campus life. After finding out more about BU, I discovered its strong programs, emphasis on engaging with the community and diversity. These qualities are what sold me.

Coming from schools that required me to apply what I learned in the classroom through various projects and activities, I am attracted to the practical opportunities and programs BU offers its students. I've always believed that the only way someone can use the knowledge from their courses in the future is if they apply it as they're learning. As BU is a pioneer of student research, study abroad and internship programs, I feel it is a good fit for me. I plan to take advantage of such opportunities at BU so I can extend my learning and become better prepared for the workplace.

Additionally, BU's values of inclusiveness and engagement with the community align with my own. I've always been a tolerant person that treats everyone I meet equally, and I work hard not to let stereotypes dictate what I think of others. For these reasons, BU is my dream school, and I'm looking forward to being an active student in its community.

Undergraduate / Changing Schools; Stanford Supplement - Intellectual vitality [4]

Right now this essay is 2,278 characters, and I need to get it down to 2,000. Any suggestions for cutting it down are really appreciated!

Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

As a student, I have spent all of my life except the past two years at private schools. Before going to the public high school I currently attend, I attended a small k-12 private boarding school of about 200 students in Oregon that was known for it's unique culture and rigorous curriculum. Instead of traditional lecture-style classes, students studied independently, at their own pace and with little teacher oversight. The curriculum's focus was primarily on a mastery of all subjects and application of them. Students were required to achieve 100% on all tests and apply what they learned through projects and activities. But after years in this intellectual environment, I found out I had to change schools from private to public. As a result, I had to learn to adjust to lecture-style classrooms, seven subjects a day and the possibility that I might never apply what I learned. I found this environment exciting, fast-paced, but hard. Noticing that students heavily depend on teachers' lectures and explanations rather than textbooks, I also realized that I had something that my fellow students did not have: the ability to comprehend written materials at a much higher level without teacher guidance. Because of this and the earlier mastery of my basics, I found myself helping and tutoring other students in a variety of subjects. This gave me confidence that I could successfully study and learn in two different, but beneficial ways. Though the culture of my old school taught me to be independent and learn with complete comprehension of materials, the culture at my public school taught me to learn through discussion and debate with my peers.

Changing schools taught me that students who primarily rely on lectures and explanations to learn and students who learn strictly from books and materials do not have the complete picture that they could have if both ways of learning were combined. Perhaps this explains why many high school graduates leave school without a good basic education. Regardless, the balance of private schools and public schools in my life has helped mold me into the able and strong person I am today. I can now learn in both a lecture-style environment as well as on my own with just books and text on hand. Not many students can say that.

Undergraduate / "Ignorance is bliss"- I disagree; Stanford Sup/ What matters to you and why? [3]

Any critiques or edits are appreciated. Only a few days away!

What matters to you and why?

"Ignorance is bliss". Though I've heard this phrase my entire life, I disagree with it. As an inquisitive person growing up, I've asked a lot of questions for the simple reason that I want to be informed. From defining words that I don't know to watching the news and being aware of current events, knowing has been what matters to me. Knowing about the issues of our day, knowing about the policies of our government, knowing even when it hurts to know. For with knowledge, one can begin to solve the issues and problems the world faces. I had this naive thought that if I was aware, I could change the world for the better. As a result, knowing, above all else, became my objective, my motivation and my passion.

But it wasn't until I saw this quote by Thomas Jefferson that I really understood that knowing is not enough. You have to inform others about what you know. "Educate and inform the whole mass of the people... They are the only sure reliance for the preservation of our liberty." Seeing this quote inspired me to take a hard look at the American public. Are we informed? The answer is no. Ignorance is more prevalent in our country today than ever before. Many people do not understand nor wish to understand the issues facing them. But, more importantly, ignorance has led many people into deep apathy towards important matters that define our political, economic and social state as a country and as people. This simple realization led me to the discovery that I if wanted to change the world for the better, I not only needed to be aware, but I needed to help others become aware. I needed to help others have a voice. My passion of knowing had evolved into a need of informing others.

As a result of this discovery, I can say today that I want to inform others in the world and live in a place where ignorance is not bliss. Why? Because being informed is the only sure way to express concern that leads to action. That is what really matters to me.

Undergraduate / 'sports analytics' - UC Prompt 1 "My World" [8]

This is a first draft. All critiques are appreciated and considered.

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

My World

I come from a world of questions.

From a very early age, I have been taught to question, to question the world around me: what are things made of, how did they get there, what is their purpose. From as early as I can remember, I've been taught to observe and investigate the world around me. Growing up, my parents always showed me that answers were available. And later, I realized there were tools to be used to answer questions. Tools like the internet, books and other materials. When I couldn't get others to answer my questions, I learned to go to these tools. Late at night, I would try to find the answers to such questions as how our healthcare works, why Israel and Palestine have a history of conflict and whether or not global warming is a real threat to our future.

Researching became what I was good at and I became very knowledge because of it. Whenever my friends had questions of their own, I would be the person they would go to to find answers. But researching wasn't enough for me. I had to be an analyzer and come up with opinions of my own. Because of this, I developed an interest in sports analytics, and I began analyzing players' statistics and effectiveness. And later, I became a writer for my High School Newspaper. This gave me an opportunity to impart my knowledge and opinions on a wide variety of topics, and in doing so, inform others. Questioning at such a young age had taught me to become an informer.

Though my world taught me to be a questioner, it also taught me to be an answerer, a researcher, an analyzer, an independent thinker and an informer. No matter what career I choose, my world will have had some influence into how I answer future questions.

Undergraduate / "The Yakuza Man"; UT at Austin App; Person who made an impact [4]

All critiques are appreciated and considered.

Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

The Yakuza Man

Drugs, guns, gambling and prostitution. This is business to the Yakuza, yet crime to society.

Coming off the plane from Seattle, a thought took over my mind, one that made me nervous to my stomach. What would come of me here? I, and four of my school friends, had just landed in Japan to stay at our friend Ichi's house. The same friend who told us years ago that his father was an ex-member of the Yakuza, a notorious Japanese crime syndicate. In just a few minutes, we would meet the man that had quite the reputation at our school.

There was tension in the air as we walked out of the airport. There he was, a small man no more than 5'2" with black hair combed to the side and a beard that was noticeably well-groomed. I felt like a giant next to him, yet felt somewhat powerless. My friend introduced us to him in Japanese. He looked up at us curiously, replied, and bowed with his hands behind his back. He seemed to hold such great presence and poise.

After arriving at his home, we noticed a picture on the wall of him and two other men naked with their back facing towards the camera. A colorful tattoo covered every inch of their body from the neck to the ankles, clearly showing allegiance to the Yakuza, but irreversible if no longer a member.

Later, I learned my friend and his family were Shinto. Each morning at six we were told to get up and seat ourselves on bent legs in a room dedicated solely for prayer. Fruit, other foods and plants were placed on a table to represent the different spirits of nature. The sounds of gongs and harmonious chants, and the smell of incense and evergreen all came together to create a symphony of prayer that was nothing like I had ever experienced. All of the disorder and commotion from the outside world was suddenly replaced by the quiet serenity of the moment. This unique symphony created a peacefulness within me. Looking around, I noticed my friends were experiencing something similar. We did not expect to find inner peace at the house of a Yakuza.

During our stay, we waited...waited for some further indication that he was still a Yakuza member. Drugs? No. Guns? No. Prostitutes? No. Maybe a samurai sword? Not even. We could not accept that his father was no longer a member. Everything we witnessed contradicted our Mafia stereotypes. Our friend's father was a devout Shinto, owned an architectural business and had a wife, three sons and a daughter. Though our friend's father walked around with his shirt off showing his intricate tattoo, he was as normal as any father or businessman.

Though we were stubborn in our beliefs, I don't blame ourselves. Society defines what gangsters and mafia members are like. Playing video games and watching movies about the Mafia, we never questioned the actions and characteristics that define the Yakuza. We even accepted the idea that once you've been indoctrinated into the mafia, you can't get out. My friend's father could or could not be a Yakuza, I don't think I'll ever know. But this doesn't really matter because, either way, to me, he's still the same responsible father.

After my visit, I realized you have to give people the benefit of the doubt and not judge them too soon. People should define who they are, not society. A drug lord could be a gentleman and an educated man could be a jerk. Years later, I even learned the Yakuza donated a large portion of money for the relief effort in Japan after the tsunami. Since my visit, I've never looked at people the same way. I treat everyone I meet equally giving them a chance to speak and act for themselves. This experience has become a part of me and something that I will carry for the rest of my life.

Undergraduate / "Ignorance is Not Bliss" UT at Austin Topic B [2]

All critiques are appreciated.

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

Ignorance is Not Bliss

Ignorance of important issues is prevalent in our country today. Many people do not understand nor wish to understand the issues facing our country. How has the American public become so apathetic and ignorant towards issues that affect them? I believe the answer lies in journalism. Unlike any other time history, journalism today is so fixated on sensationalism that the goal of most journalists is not to inform the public objectively, but rather to find and relay controversial stories subjectively. Coverage of the past presidential election in particular has been proof of the "flair over substance" mentality of most news outlets.

Though sensationalism has always been a part of journalism, it has never so completely taken over journalism. News stations today are dominated by irrelevant segments, opinionated talk shows and "pundits" aimed at finding any controversy they can, true or not. Moreover, with today's technology this news is reaching farther, wider and faster than ever. Scandals, slanderous attacks and statements and other irrelevant news stories are now more available to the public than ever before. An average person today is more likely to know the details of the General Petraeus affair than the details of how our healthcare works. As a result, it has become almost the norm to talk about and listen to scandals and political slander rather than real issues. In fact, our culture has become so used to sensational news coverage that when real issues come into play, we are practically numb to them. This problem has not only contributed to the ignorance in our country, but has hindered the democratic process of citizenship and free speech. How can one use his voice to act as a good citizen, if one doesn't understand what's going on?

While some people like to blame this problem on one party or the other, Fox News being more aligned with the right or MSNBC being more aligned to the left, the problem is not partisan. The reason why sensationalism is imbedded in our media today is because it sells; it's what the American public wants and craves. America today is obsessed with sensationalism. Evidence of this obsession is in our taste of tv shows, movies, music and all other forms of entertainment. Unfortunately, the American public today would rather be entertained than informed.

As long as the American public has this obsession, are easily persuaded by sound bites and political slander, and the news media continues to use techniques of sensationalism and yellow journalism to increase viewers or newspaper sales, we will continue to dig ourselves into a hole of apathy towards important matters that define our political, economic and social state as a country and as people.

I want to be a part of country that understands what's going on in the world, understands the policies of our government, and understands the issues of our day. This understanding is the only way our population can become informed instead of ignorant, concerned instead of apathetic and active instead of lazy. How can we achieve this understanding? We need a new brand of journalism to emerge whose standards are not of ratings, but a vision independent of the public's sensational demand, and we need education of real issues in our country from an early age. Only then will Americans appreciate the news for what it was always meant to do as embodied in our Bill of Rights: inform the public through freedom of the press. This country needs and deserves to be informed because ignorance is not bliss.