Undergraduate / True belief, The salvation of a cynic - Common app;topic of your choice [14]

Your beliefs aren't necessarily the problem, but your essays do sound a little close-minded.

As a Christian strong in my faith, I found the emphasis on science being fact and the implication that religion cannot be fact a little offensive.

Also, faith is believing in what is not grounded in fact, so your faith in "Truth" sounds a bit contradictory.

Other than that, I don't see any glaring grammatical errors, and you have a very descriptive style of writing.

Undergraduate / The Power of Perseverance - PS; My mom has always told me that quitting is not an option [5]

I know you're using the five-paragraph approach, but it comes off as a little stiff. You have good experiences and write very well, but if you included some dialogue or description and/or stuck to one specific example of your perseverance, it could be a lot more powerful. Like geebs5 said, it's better to show that you were determined and let readers figure that out on their own instead of just saying it.

Undergraduate / Page 87 of Autobiography (VCU); the white ceiling, covered in cracks vs inspiration [3]

I agree with admissions... You tried extremely hard to be descriptive but I had no idea why this moment was significant enough to be a part of your autobiography...

Undergraduate / "The proof of Gold is Fire" - Fire on Ice [3]


I think the entire first paragraph is too much intro. I would just put the quote at the beginning and then dive into the second paragraph. If you really want to make the connection to Seattle University, it would look great at the end, or in that paragraph.


This is one of the best essays I've read so far. It's unique and very well-written! Good luck!

Undergraduate / Exodus to epiphany - Common App Essay! [17]

1. I love this so far! I think it's very focused and a powerful story, although some background as to why you were in Egypt (?) and an overview of why this conflict was happening would be nice.

2. What I got from this essay is that you are very observant and compassionate, as well as possessing a strong sense of what is right and wrong. I don't know what your specific prompt was (Just Topic of Your Choice?), but you did a good job of presenting your career plans to your compassion for others.

Undergraduate / Admission Essay for Occupational Therapy Transfer [2]

I think a better angle to take would be "Why I want to be an occupational therapist", not "Why I'm qualified to be a physical therapist".

Your experiences are really good and no doubt would say a lot about you, but it would be a lot more powerful if you illustrated your patience and optimism, or the compassion and communication you have with your kids, instead of just saying that you have it.

There are a lot of professions like nursing or teaching that require similar personality traits, so make sure your passion for that field shines through.

Good luck, and very good writing!

Undergraduate / "Pursuit without passion is trivial" - PTCAS personal statement application [2]

1. I think you should say "physical therapy/therapist" instead of "PT" (Abbreviating looks very informal)

2. What about the first time you heard that statement made it stick with you throughout all this time?

Overall, you have a powerful story to tell and you did a good job. Just make sure that you don't sacrifice the "why I love physical therapy" part in the beginning for a lot of details about "what I've done" in the end.

Undergraduate / I traveled to Poland; Peace Corps: Cross Cultural Essay [3]


If you need to eliminate words, you can take this whole paragraph out. It doesn't really do anything for your essay.

The prompt says to pick one experience. To get more specific, choose one place to talk about. Use some dialogue or an anecdote to illustrate what you're saying, instead of just saying it. Like, for Poland, describe how you acted out something and how the people in your host family reacted. It would put a creative spin on your essay.

Overall, you write very eloquently. Good luck!

Undergraduate / Williams window essay; 'The girl walks slowly into the tack room' [3]

Very powerful; I love it! The only thing I would say is that the prompt wants you to reflect on a moment and you end up commenting on the place / the people in your riding school and the horses (?). If that was the moment when you realized that there are things more powerful than words, such as love and experiences, then you need to state that more explicitly in the last paragraph.