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Posts by CherryPac18
Joined: Jan 19, 2013
Last Post: Mar 28, 2013
Threads: 10
Posts: 28  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 38
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CherryPac18   
Mar 28, 2013
Undergraduate / Focus on creating the well-rounded entrepreneur :Why Clive Davis I of Recorded Music? [3]

SHORT ANSWER: Why are you applying to transfer in to our program?*

(be specific and explain the reason(s) why you have decided to apply to transfer)

This is just the beginning. I just want to know if this is a good start.

I have always aspired to become a musician. But, attending college and aspiring to pursue a career in music can be quite contradictory if you want to be a recording artist and not an instrumentalist. This is because most colleges only focus on handing music degrees to those who play an instrument. Though I play the flute and the piano, I was never interested in playing an instrument for the rest of my life.

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I have always aspired to become a musician. But, attending college and aspiring to pursue a career in music can be quite contradictory if you want to be a recording artist and not an instrumentalist. This is because most colleges only focus on handing music degrees to those who play an instrument. Though I play the flute and the piano, I was never interested in playing an instrument for the rest of my life. Hip Hop, Dancehall, and Reggae are my passions but in my household academics always comes first. I could have never graduated high school with the intention of becoming a recording artist; I had to finish college first. So I opted for my backups, Engineering and Architecture. Throughout high school I was a part of the architectural engineering program at my school so had a great deal of interest in these subjects. But after college started, I realized that my passion for music was overbearing and my interest in Engineering and Architecture diminished greatly. It was then that I decided to find a program that would allow me to explore my interests as a recording artist while allow me to become more knowledgeable about the other aspects of the music industry, and then I found out about the Clive Davis Institute of Recorded Music.

I want to transfer to the Clive Davis Institute of Recorded Music because it focuses on establishing the well-rounded entrepreneur. After I have established myself as an artist, I have hopes of founding my own record label and signing artists who I feel will successfully contribute to today's popular genres of music, both American and foreign. Though I have had substantial amount of experience on the artistic side of the industry, I don't know much about founding a record label. Other than the couple of books that I have read about the business aspects of the music industry, I have no experience. I also don't have much experience in the studio either. I think that the Clive Davis of Institute of Recorded of Music is a good fit for me because, I desire to be a well-rounded entrepreneur but I just need the resources to get started.

For any type of aspiring artist, the Clive Davis Institute of Recorded Music is located in the perfect place, New York City. The "city that never sleeps" is the perfect location for such an institution because this environment offers students the opportunity to apply what they have learned in the classroom to real life. The Clive Davis Institute of Recorded Music is surrounded by a plethora of record labels, recording studios, and potential performing venues. This offers the chance to become better exposed to the music industry.

In terms of academics, I appreciate the diversity of the required course topics: History & Criticism, Business, Production, Musicianship & Performance, Colloquia, and International. The courses that I am most attracted to are Jamaica, Hip Hop History, Music, & Culture, Music Moguls, Constructing a Record Label, Beats & Beatmaking, and Stage Presence & The Art of Performance. Such a course resume would successfully create a well-rounded entrepreneur who is interested in contributing to the Hip Hop, Dancehall, and Reggae genres. The course I am most interested in though is Jamaica and I can't wait to sit in the front row of Vivien Goldman's class.

I am also interested in the internship opportunities. I think that it is important to complete an industry internship at record companies like Universal or Mercury Records because they provide some leeway into the music industry, and everyone must start somewhere. What also caught my attention in terms of internships was EIP, the Executive Internship Program. It is interesting that students could work at either Warner Music or Sony Music with a program that masks their own career interests. This shows that the possibilities for experience and exposure are endless at this institution.

I am aware that in recent years, the Clive Davis Institute of Recorded Music has hosted many of the greatest artists of music in general but of course I am most interested in the visits by KRS-One, Swiss Beatz, and the Beastie Boys. I find it encouraging that the institute brings in some of today's most successful music figures to speak to the classes about the industry. Lastly, I was attracted to the facilities. I think that it is important yet interesting that the institute has five different recording facilities. It is important as an aspiring artist to be familiar with the studio environment and the availability of such facilities in the school shows that the institute is serious about the "hands on experience".
CherryPac18   
Mar 28, 2013
Writing Feedback / Disadventages of the Internet ; 45 minute Essay [8]

This is too short if you have to write for 45 minutes. I also do not think it is captivating or persuasive enough. I think you should add more to it.
CherryPac18   
Mar 27, 2013
Undergraduate / I'd like to become a Performer Entrepreneur; NYU/Statement of Intent [4]

Please read Institute Notes On Entrepreneurship (clivedavisinst.tisch.nyu.edu/object/instnotes) on the website. In your Statement of Intent, clearly identify which of these four entrepreneur types (executive entrepreneur, producer entrepreneur, performer entrepreneur, journalist entrepreneur) you hope to become as you progress in your career. Based on your experiences so far, what kinds of skills do you possess - or do you hope to develop - that will allow you to succeed as your chosen type of entrepreneur [500-750 words; double-spaced; .pdf format]?

This is the first paragraph of my statement of intent. How is it so far?

As I progress in my musical career, I would like to become a Performer Entrepreneur. In terms of skills so far, I have experience as a singer, rapper, and lyricist as well as experience with the flute and piano. I began both singing and rapping at the age of five and I would put on small performances during family gatherings. At the age of eight, I started playing the flute but most of my performances were confined to the school but during middle school I traveled a lot with my school band. We would put on lots of performances at various colleges and malls. At the age of twelve I would start teaching myself piano by ear. In 2009, I became fascinating by the sudden rap "epidemic". Everyone was rapping and I felt the need to contribute. It was something about the way the words were being put together that initially intrigued me. At that time, I had history as a writer as I would frequently write stories but Hip Hop was different. For me, being in a Jamaican household, my exposure to Hip Hop was minimal, most of the time it was the sounds of Jamaica that were blasting from my home speakers. I knew nothing about Hip Hop. The only person who I was really aware of was Eminem because he was very popular when I was young. I felt that in order to be one of the best, I had to learn from the best and in order to that, I had to do my homework. It was during this time that I would start studying Hip Hop.
CherryPac18   
Mar 27, 2013
Essays / Application for a medical camp; Need help writing an essay about myself! [13]

Wait, so you have no background or anything you just decided one day that you want to be a dermatologist? Even then, there still has to be something other than the cash flow that you have to tell them intrigued you and made you want to spend the rest of your life testing different creams on human skin.
CherryPac18   
Mar 27, 2013
Essays / Application for a medical camp; Need help writing an essay about myself! [13]

I think you should start off with an anecdote that shows your passion for a job that you would like to have in the future. Then write about skills that you have that will allow you to succeed in that job. Then write how that program will help you achieve your goals.
CherryPac18   
Mar 23, 2013
Undergraduate / School influenced change of my own interests; NYU TRANSFER [2]

Please provide a statement (appr. 250-500 words) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

Upon arriving at Miami University in August 2012, it was not long before I realized that this school was just not the right fit for me. My reasons for wanting to transfer are mostly attributed to my own change of interests though the school is responsible for influencing my decision as well.

My high school career consisted of engineering courses as I was a part of my schools engineering program. The required courses that I had to take included Auto Cad, Cisco, and Computer Science; I was also given multiple paid and non-paid internships throughout my last two years. Even though I was sure I wanted to someday be a recording artist, when starting college I decided to continue my education in architecture and engineering. In my eyes, college and music could not be intertwined. If I wanted to be a musician I would have to focus primarily on that and college would be too much of a distraction; it would be too hard to balance the two. In this case, college would become my plan B. I would attend college and put my dreams on hold until I had a degree and presumably something to fall back on if my music career did not kick off.

When college started and I started delving into my architecture and engineering courses, I realized I had made a huge mistake. Those two subjects were just not for me. I found myself bored; yearning for a change to music. At this school, a switch to music was logical as I was already a part of the Creative Arts department through architecture. But, the music programs at the school are only dedicated to students who hope for a career in instrumentation and vocalization; two subjects with which I have experience and though they are somewhat similar, they are entirely different from a major in recorded music.

But, then I found out about the Clive Davis Institute of Recorded Music at NYU. I realized that the institute was committed to developing young entrepreneurs by providing its students with courses that explore the history & criticism, artistic, business, and production aspects of the industry. These attributes mask by desires exactly. I was interested in finding a program that could allow me to expand my knowledge in recorded music; primarily in Hip Hop. I have dedicated at least five years of my life so far to the study of Hip Hop and Dancehall/Reggae music, lyrics, and culture. I have educated myself on the histories while writing lyrics of my own and analyzing the genres place in popular culture. Today, I have completely changed the focus of my college courses and shifted more towards my interest in music.

Aside from my own change of interests, I decided to transfer from Miami University because of its location and lack of diversity. Miami is located in an area where trying to pursue a career in music is near impossible. It's rural and secluded setting makes it difficult for me to properly expose myself to the music industry. Alongside that, Miami has a one sided community. Not only does the school lack cultural diversity, but all of the students seem to be preoccupied with one thing; partying. The students here do not share the same intellectual curiosity as I do.
CherryPac18   
Mar 18, 2013
Undergraduate / College Vs Career in Music: Why TRANSFER? [2]

I have always aspired to become a musician. But, aspiring to attend college and pursue a career in music can be quite contradictory if you want to be a performer and not an instrumentalist. This is because most colleges only focus on handing music degrees to those who play an instrument. Though I play the flute and the piano, I was never interested in playing an instrument for the rest of my life. After all, I want to pursue my Hip Hop career. Prior to attending college and deciding to major in my second favorite subjects, Architecture & Engineering, I realized that I was no longer interested and music was indeed my calling.

I have for the past five years, dedicated my few hours of free time to the analysis of Hip Hop and Dancehall/Reggae music, lyrics, and culture. It is just my general love for the genres that allow me to spend my nights reading books and watching DVDs dedicated to the history of these genres; but mostly Hip Hop. It is my love for the genres that allows me to the surf the web for countless hours to find artists that stay true to the Hip Hop culture in an era where every rapper makes pop records in order to be heard on the radio. Only few Hip Hop artists that are out today stay true to the essence of Hip Hop culture. I aspire to be a fusion artist one day. Not many people recognize the similarities between Hip Hop and Dancehall/Reggae music. Not many people know that Hip Hop was in fact born in Jamaica and imported to the South Bronx by DJ Kool Herc. It is my goal to fuse the influence of my Jamaican culture with my love for Hip Hop; like Bob Marley meets Biggie Smalls. I hope to one day represent females in these male dominated genres, while bringing back the essence of both cultures and allowing the population to realize that females really can 'spit'.

But, even though I spend my days researching, taking independent courses, and writing lyrics, I have yet to record any of my lyrics or start making beats. Even if I did go to the studio I would not have the slightest clue where to start, I have no experience in the studio. All of my knowledge and talent is useless if I can't put them to use. I want to transfer to the NYU: Clive Davis of Recorded Music, because the programs objective is to create performers, producers, and executives by teaching them the artistic and business aspects of the music industry. These skills are important to any individual that plans on becoming any type of musical entrepreneur. After I have reached my initial goal of becoming an established Jamaican influenced Hip Hop artist, I also aspire to start a label that seeks artists who I feel can represent the generation. I was also attracted to this program because of the course selection. Particularly: Hip Hop History, Music, & Culture; Jamaica; Classic Albums; Women as Entrepreneurs in Popular Music; and Bob Marley and Postcolonial Music. (But mostly Classic Albums because I get to be in the same room with the legendary Quest Love.)
CherryPac18   
Mar 13, 2013
Undergraduate / Music has always been important in my family; NYU Transfer: Academic Interests [3]

A. NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses.

Music has always been important in my family. Upon starting elementary school, my sisters and I were required to play an instrument but I was not fazed by my parent's decision because I always loved the sound of music. It is from this experience that I knew music was my calling. At 7:00 a.m. band meets, my peers would nod off while my coffee induced instructor would try and filter some energy through the room. I on the other hand, operating only on five hours of sleep, was awake as ever with my head high and feet tapping away to the beat. During this time, I was aware of my addiction to music but I was sure I didn't want to play the flute or piano for a living. It was during my years in high school that I became obsessed with Hip Hop. I was exposed to the golden age of Hip Hop and fell in love with true lyricism. I would read books and watch movies in order to hone my own skills and craft. This is when I knew that I wanted to major in recorded music.
CherryPac18   
Mar 13, 2013
Undergraduate / Album Review- There's no formula;NYUTransfer- Tisch Clive Davis Ins of Recorded Music [5]

WHAT IF I HAVE LIMITED EXPERIENCE IN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY AND DO NOT HAVE THE RESOURCES TO SING A SONG OR TO MANAGE A BAND? HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO SUBMIT A CREATIVE SAMPLE FOR THE PORTFOLIO?

You do not need to have experience in the music industry nor do you need to have access to resources to demonstrate your vision, creativity and passion and your potential for success in the music industry. For instance, you might take a popular recording artist and write us a letter detailing how you would have used your creativity and vision to differently market or promote that artist or write us a letter about how you would have recorded that artist differently in the recording studio. You could also discuss what types of programs or events you would create in your hometown or high school to provide greater opportunity for engagement in the music industry, or submit a collection of writings showcasing your music analysis or criticism. Be creative!

I don't really have much experience so I was doing a criticism for a portion of my creative sample.
CherryPac18   
Mar 13, 2013
Undergraduate / Album Review- There's no formula;NYUTransfer- Tisch Clive Davis Ins of Recorded Music [5]

This is just the beginning, I just want to know how it is so far.

I remember watching an interview not too long ago and when asked if he thought his album was a classic, Kendrick Lamar answered, "When creating this album, I had intentions of making it a classic but right now it is too early to tell". What Kendrick Lamar failed to realize is that, you cannot intentionally make a classic album. If someone told me that Nas's "Illmatic" and Biggie's "Ready to Die" were successful attempts at intentionally trying to make a classic, my answer to that would be: I beg to differ. There is no formula to creating a classic album, that sort of thing just happens. Those albums were classic because they represented the era and struggle while coming from the heart. While I enjoyed Kendrick Lamar's debut album "Good Kid M.A.A.D City", at times, I felt Lamar was too focused on trying to recreate the 'magic' from the golden age of hip hop that his music did not sound authentic but rather tailored and manufactured. The skits that would play in between tracks were nice at times but sometimes felt forced. It seemed as if Kendrick recorded those messages just to put them in the album like he had contemplated creating the album for years. Though some may think that the skits play like an introduction and allow the album to flow as it is conceptual, I feel like he abused his creativity to the point where it seemed ridiculous. Honestly it makes it hard for me to really rank this album with the likes of Nas, Biggie, Jay-z, or Eminem. I just don't think Kendrick has reached that level yet. But for his capabilities, Lamar has created a lyrical masterpiece that formulates fictional tales of love and violence influenced by his own upbringing in Compton, California.
CherryPac18   
Mar 12, 2013
Undergraduate / NYU Transfer: Tisch Clive Davis Institute of Recorded Music: Song Review: Jay-z [3]

Song: Jay-z: Can I Live



What makes this track successful is Jay-z's smooth delivery and impeccable lyrics, coupled with an astounding Irv Gotti production that samples "The Look of Love" by Isaac Hayes. On this record, Jay-z vividly spawns a tale of the desperation and paranoia that are joined with ones desire for materialism through hustling and street life. With rhymes like, it gets tedious / so I keep one eye open like, C-B-S, ya see me / stressed right? Can I live?!? Jay-z successfully allows listeners to gain a sense of the emotional ailments that a hustler endures on a regular basis. The choruses alone are like a cry for help. They are compelling because the beat seems to prepare itself for Jay-z to belt out Can I Live?!? with its trumpets exploding in the background. All the while, Jay-z begs his enemies and his critics to allow him to live in peace as he had already been through enough. He does it so well that his audience has no choice but to feel the sympathy that he readily admits people don't have for him because he is a crack dealer; My pain wish it was quick to see, from sellin 'caine / til brains was fried to a fricassee.

When Jay-z is not openly expressing his bouts with paranoia, he does a great job of doing what he was well known for in the 90s...bragging. Steve Huey from Allmusic describes Jay-z's personality as cocky bordering on arrogant but also playful and witty. This I couldn't agree with more. Jay-z came up with some of Hip Hop's most promising lyricists with the two prime examples bring Nas and Biggie. All these rappers came out in a time when rappers were actually 'spitting'; in a time where though Hip Hop wasn't popular on the radio, rappers were still striving for their stories to be heard. This is what is missing in Hip Hop today, as Hip Hop became more mainstream, its regard for true lyricism began to decline and only few rappers still attempt to deliver lyrical rhymes. What Jay-z has that neither Nas nor Biggie have is slickness. When bragging, Jay-z doesn't just drop braggadocios rhymes about all the cars and money he has, but rather he brags in a way that makes those who can't live as he is feel bad about themselves and he does so playfully. For instance, Jay-z rhymes, Viva, Las Vegas, see ya, later at the crap tables / meet me by the one that starts a G up / This way no fraud Willie's present gambling they re-up. With lines like those, it is evident that he kind of teases those whose statuses are lower than his and though it may come off as arrogant; the slickness with which he says the lines makes him a likeable character that the audience wishes they could relate to.

The only thing that disappoints me about this record is that Jay-z did not make it a single. When the album Reasonable Doubt was released, the only four singles it had to support it in terms of marketing were: "Dead President's", "Aint No N-gga", "Can't Knock the Hustle", and "Feelin It"; all of which failed to top the charts. Therefore, though the album was recognized as a classic, the album did not go platinum until 2002. I feel like, had Can I Live been a single, it would have been at least a minor hit and this would have boosted its commercial performance a little. In my opinion, it should have been released instead of "Feelin It". The subject matter is more relatable and the production is INCREDIBLE. Though it is not really a dance along song, it is sure to keep heads banging as it is the type of record you would wind down your window for and blast during the summertime.
CherryPac18   
Jan 22, 2013
Undergraduate / Tufts "let your life speak" - why I want to be a doctor [9]

So far, I think that if you are going to make a hook, you should probably just show in the first paragraph maybe one of your incidents. I also think that if you are going to day that the physician was amazing, you should probably tell about what amazed you rather than just saying it.
CherryPac18   
Jan 21, 2013
Undergraduate / Severe Anxiety & Chronic Depression; Transfer - Additional Information [4]

No actually, I kinda spiced it up a little to make it seem more positive. The medication I am on is only alright, it doesn't help with everything just like the racing heart beat, sweaty hands, shaking, etc. Just the physical stuff. I'm actually going to the psychiatrist tomorrow for an alternative because the side effects are killing me. As for therapy though, it just hasn't been good. We probably spent more time listening to the clock tick then doing actual talking because its so hard for me to talk and express myself; but I still go any way. Now she wants me to bring a journal or something so she can read it. I'm just too used to not talking.

I am only telling the committee because I actually got a couple of C's that I needed to explain. I had to let them know the reasoning behind them. I left out a lot of stuff though like I was missing classes because I would over sleep; I just couldn't get out of bed. (I have really bad insomnia). Some days, I don't even go outside because I feel so unmotivated and tired. I didn't want to tell them too much but I definitely wanted them to understand.

How about you? How's your condition?
CherryPac18   
Jan 21, 2013
Essays / UT Transfer essay-Statement of Purpose-possible topics for the essay? [3]

Why did you slack of in High School was there something going on in your life or were you just unmotivated? The prompt is basically like the additional information part of the Common App. They're just asking if there is anything that happened or that you been through that may have affected your performance.
CherryPac18   
Jan 21, 2013
Undergraduate / When I was little, math was a game; U Toronto-trinity - Academic interests/why Toronto? [2]

When I was a little girl, mathematics is a game. was
I think you should reword the following:
1. raising battle after battle on the draft paper to see who could solve a mathematics problem faster and better. you missed the s But I think that the word raising is a confusing word here.

2. Instead of saying school search, maybe say college search.
3. You said her small class size which I assume is a typo.

Other than that, think it is a good essay. I like how it is evident that you did research on the school.
CherryPac18   
Jan 20, 2013
Undergraduate / College, a place of New Begginings & unexpected encounters; TRANSFERING OBJECTIVES [2]

I think you should speak less about the school that you currently attend. You should also spend some time to talk about why you want to transfer. There's too much about your current school, you really shouldn't speak about your school unless you are comparing to the school that you want to transfer to. Like, what does the school that you want to transfer to have that your current school doesn't? How can this transfer help you achieve goals that you couldn't have at your other school. All of that should be in this essay. I think you should omit the first paragraph. Keep, fix, and add to the second paragraph. From the third paragraph, just take the part about diversity and emphasize.
CherryPac18   
Jan 20, 2013
Undergraduate / MUSIC, My escape; NYU Transfer - What Intrigues You? [7]

Here's the prompt: What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

There is a word limit of 1500 characters. I have about 300 something left so I should be able to add a sentence or two. Oh and thanks for the feedback!
CherryPac18   
Jan 20, 2013
Undergraduate / MUSIC, My escape; NYU Transfer - What Intrigues You? [7]

Music has undeniably been my escape from the realities of life. As soon as the music begins, I am immediately transported to a different setting than my own. The scenery changes as the song does. Some days I'm with Bob Marley, basking in the warm Jamaican sun whilst barefoot in the sand, strumming the guitar and belting out lyrics of redemption and freedom. Other days I'm with Tupac, advocating a march in Harlem pleading for change, justice, and social empowerment. Sometimes, I'm with Beethoven, watching him aggressively bang the keys to "Fur Elise" in an apartment in Germany. Or, with Nas, occupying a corner in Queens Bridge, as he explains why he stays in a "New York State of Mind"; or maybe with Jay-z in Brooklyn, telling stories of paranoia and guilt that accompanied his past drug dealings as he begs, "Can I Live!?" All of these have allowed me to escape my own problems all the while giving me the opportunity to understand and recognize the problems of others. The lyrics, packed with emotion, are complete with stories that are full of description and vivid detail; whether or not I can relate, their stories intrigue me.
CherryPac18   
Jan 20, 2013
Undergraduate / Sovereignty,Class selection,Student body ; Boston U- Good Fit/ Why apply? [4]

I think you should make your essay more personal, I feel like any one could have written this. If you have ever been to the campus like for a visit, write about the visit and tell about what was exceptional to you. I don't think that you should include the bit about diversity in that form because it's like telling them something that they already know.
CherryPac18   
Jan 20, 2013
Undergraduate / PURSUIT OF MY NEW PASSION; REASONS -TRANSFER [6]

Yeah this is a great essay and I think a lot of people can relate to your story. I definitely can. I don't really think that you need to fix anything.
CherryPac18   
Jan 20, 2013
Undergraduate / World around me has constantly changed; Why I Wish to Transfer [3]

I think was well written but for a transfer essay you usually need to state and explain why you want to transfer. This sounds more like a personal statement as you spent more time explaining an experience rather than why you want to transfer. I feel like if you really think you should include the experiences you faced, you should do so in the additional information section and emphasize more on the transfer. Still though this was well written.
CherryPac18   
Jan 20, 2013
Undergraduate / Dance Hall Music; Transfer Common App- Extracurricular [11]

Ok, how about this.

I have a passion for music and it began at a young age. When I was five years old travelling with my family; tired of listening to the radio, my father pushed a tape into the cassette deck. As the sound boomed from the speakers with its heavy bass vibrating my young frame, I became enchanted by the foreign sound. I was so compelled by the crispy yet exotic rhythm that I stopped writing my name in fog on the window and started mimicking the bass line. My small hands pounded on the door handle as my head flew back and forth ferociously, bobbing to the beat; my feet tapping away. I was nearly deafened as the Caribbean sounds took over the silence of the vehicle. But, I loved it. This premature desire for music would then develop into an obsession. At that same age I started singing. At the age of eight, I started playing the flute; by the age of twelve I was self-teaching myself piano. Today, I spend most of my days studying Hip hop and Dancehall/Reggae music, lyrics, and culture.
CherryPac18   
Jan 19, 2013
Undergraduate / Dance Hall Music; Transfer Common App- Extracurricular [11]

Ok, what about this, I just realized I had more space.

My infatuation for sound began at a young age. My family and I were venturing to a destination when I was five years old; tired of listening to the radio, my father pushed a tape into the tape deck. As the sound blared from the speakers with its heavy bass vibrating my young figure, I was enchanted by the foreign sound. I was so compelled by the crispy yet exotic rhythm that I stopped writing my name in fog on the window and started mimicking the bass line. My small hands pounded on the door handle as my head flew back and forth ferociously, bobbing to the beat. My feet were taping away making their own rhythm while still complimenting the initial beat. I was nearly deafened as the Caribbean sounds took over the silence of the vehicle. But I loved it. It was at this time that I would recognize my passion for music.
CherryPac18   
Jan 19, 2013
Undergraduate / Severe Anxiety & Chronic Depression; Transfer - Additional Information [4]

Please upload a document here if you wish to provide details of circumstances or qualifications not reflected in the application.

I sit in the waiting room, my thoughts racing; my sweaty hands lie in my lap. The therapist calls my name twice because I am so zoned out. "Adrienna?!" she calls as her eyes scour the room. "Oh, that's me," I say while jumping up frantically. The walk to the room is even more nerve-wracking than the wait. At that time, questions of concern flooded my mind. "What will she ask me?" "What will she say of my condition?" As I took my place in the room, I was visibly nervous. My body was very fidgety and words barely escaped as I answered her questions; my voice crackled with nervousness. After a thirty minute initial evaluation, I left the health clinic with a diagnosis of severe anxiety and chronic depression.

The first time I realized I had a problem was in middle school. During that time in my life, I was probably the loudest and most energetic person in the room. It was always my objective to keep people laughing. But, then in English class, we were assigned a project where we needed to present for five minutes. Though I was a loud person, I was definitely shy but I never really panicked when it was time to perform. After all, I had at that time already performed enough for my butterflies to leave shortly after arriving. But not this time; "Adrienna, it's your turn!" the teacher yells from behind a sheet of paper. I get up dramatically. My peers were already laughing in advance because they expected me to be funny as usual. When I took my position at the front of the room my smile immediately disappeared. My mouth suddenly grew dry; my words stumbled out with confusion. I was speaking but no words could be recognized. I stared at the paper trying to decipher my handwritten but my mind was blank. My hesitation drew some speculation and laughter. My heart suddenly began thundering through my chest, I'm sure the class was able to hear it. My palms grew sweaty and my throat full of knots. A surge of adrenaline circulated my body and I was struggling to breathe. This was my first panic attack. At the end of my presentation, people were laughing because they thought I was playing as usual but it bothered me because I knew I was being serious. Though at the time, I would ignore these symptoms.

As high school began, my condition took a turn for the worst. I was sluggish, mute, and was battling with insomnia. I figured in the beginning that I had a hard time sleeping because from the age of eight, I had been working at my parents restaurant every day after school till late hours, I concluded that maybe my body was accustom to not getting much sleep. But then, I realized that I had a hard time speaking, concentrating, and staying motivated. My four years of high school would be disastrous. My grades weren't the best because I was fatigued, disconnected, and constantly being taken out of school to help my parents out with their restaurant and my baby sister who had just been born. I really didn't have much of a life outside of school and the restaurant and it had always been that way. My parents were very strict so I was confined to my home/the restaurant. It was also in high school where I realized I became very avoidant. I started to avoid situations where I would panic or feel anxious. I did not socialize as much as I used to and I tried to avoid presentations and at one point, school in general. My last two years of high school would mostly be spent at home and work/internship. I felt anxious at school so I would skip at times but I always made sure to keep my grades up. Though I have had severe test taking anxiety since ninth grade, I was on the honor roll, in the National Honor's Society, and I graduated number 14 out of a class of 218 with a 3.75 GPA. I was also recognized for my involvement in music, basketball, and architecture/ engineering. I was given a paid and non-paid internship at my school as an assistant technician; while also working and volunteering.

When I started college, I did not know what to do. I had never been alone and away from family before. I was worrying even more and generally had sleepless nights or overslept due to lack of energy; thus missing some classes. In class I was unfocused. I would be listening to the professor but my mind would be on something else. My thoughts were preoccupied with making my parents proud. I had severe test taking anxiety where I got so caught up in failing that I did not perform as well as I was capable of. As I did in high school, I would study hours into the night in attempts to make sure I knew the information. But it didn't matter how long I studied, my mind would go blank or I would spend too much time confirming my answers were right therefore not finishing; as soon as I was given a test or quiz I would watch my grades diminish point by point. This would increase my depression because I was fully aware I knew the information but it was a task trying to conjure it up during an exam; my averages for the other percentages of my grades like written assignments, homework, group work, etc. were all high grades. I was completely capable of completing any work I was given. It was then that I realized that I needed to seek help because my condition was keeping me from completing my real goals. Though VERY hesitant/nervous at first, in my first week of college I took the first steps to a better future. I always kind of knew I was suffering from these disorders since high school; I was scared to get help because I would have to tell my parents first and they would judge me. Still even to this day, they are oblivious to my conditions. They just wouldn't understand my pain. Their lack of affection and support has created a disconnected relationship. My parents and I don't speak much about anything, some days we don't speak at all. But, I still desire to make them proud.

After my diagnosis, I have been attending therapy once a week for six months thus far. I was also recommended for medication so I have been medicating. From my therapy, I realized that I had anxiety and depression from the emotional/verbal abuse I endure on a regular basis from my parents. My life has always been sheltered, controlled, and judged. These definitely had lasting effects. But, in the wake of the second semester while still attending therapy and medicating, though my condition is only slowly improving, my grades have drastically improved. Though my parents judge my decisions and make me feel like there are things I can't do, I am determined to take the necessary steps to success and prove them wrong.
CherryPac18   
Jan 19, 2013
Letters / SELF-EDUCATED/FREELANCE; Cover letter for graphic design internship [3]

I am very interest in a possible graphic design internship this summer at (firm/organization here). Interested
I am searching for an opportunity to stretch my imagination and explore the interactive world of graphic design. I don't think stretch is a good work here.

I think you say "I want to" too often you should probably combine those sentences or something.
Other than those I think its good.
CherryPac18   
Jan 19, 2013
Undergraduate / JOURNALISM ,"This is mine, I created this"; GOALS [5]

I think the prompt was well written but I don't think you clearly explain your goals, what you did to pursue them, the results achieved, and what you learned in the process. Your prompt just describes a long day at the office.
CherryPac18   
Jan 19, 2013
Undergraduate / Dance Hall Music; Transfer Common App- Extracurricular [11]

The activity that I wrote about was one of my hobbies from the activity log where I study hip hop/ dancehall lyrics, music, culture, and etc. In this essay I was depicting how it all started.
CherryPac18   
Jan 19, 2013
Undergraduate / Dance Hall Music; Transfer Common App- Extracurricular [11]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

I remember when I was first exposed to dance hall music. My family and I were venturing to a destination I can no longer recall; tired of listening to the radio, my father pushed a tape into the tape deck. As the sound blared from the speakers with its heavy bass vibrating my five year old figure, I became enchanted by the foreign sound. I was so compelled by the crispy yet exotic rhythm that I stopped writing my name in fog trails on the window and started mimicking the bass line. My small hands pounded on the door handle as my head flew back and forth ferociously, bobbing to the beat. This would be the beginning of what is now an avid love for dance hall music.
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