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Posts by temptprovidence
Joined: Feb 22, 2013
Last Post: Nov 16, 2014
Threads: 8
Posts: 163  
Likes: 35
From: pakistan

Displayed posts: 171 / page 3 of 5
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temptprovidence   
Mar 13, 2013
Graduate / Efficiency, Profits and Quality; SOP/Motivation Letter -Industrial Engineering [3]

firstly, this is toooooo long to be called as a letter..

I would like to continue my education in order to gai n better knowledge and vision

"attain" is better..

that was very well done... length still lies as the only problem... go for a short one and then for submission... for there is nothing bad... ^-^
temptprovidence   
Mar 13, 2013
Writing Feedback / Different cultures and ethnic groups live together in one country; GOOD or BAD? [3]

are getting filled of a mixture of cultures, all brought by immigrants.

filled up with a...,.
Secondly, the benefits of a multicultural society, people with various cultures contribute in multiple ways to development because they bring with them different sets of skills , characteristic as well as knowledge .

Last but not the least, people broaden each others' horizon by exposing a larger audience to the traditions of their own country. People have (get a ) precious chance to learn particular features of each other,

In a word (you need to change it... it can be reported as a mistake. ..) , multiculturalism is not restricted within national boundary, it happens in any nations . The opposite of a mixture of multiple cultures is unavoidable (inevitable ) , On the other hand ,it contributes a peace and equality in society and allow themselves to interact and affiliate closely with public community .

=>you are good at writing at expressing overall but hace a lot more capacity to improve ^-^
temptprovidence   
Mar 13, 2013
Writing Feedback / Should students be allowed to have cell phones in secondary and high schools? [4]

students using cell phones in secondary and high school is unacceptable for some following reasons.

students using cell phones at secondary and high school level is unacceptable for some following reasons.

Being attractive by conveniences that cell phones bringing

attracted..

not allowing to use cell phones at school are going to avoid the order of school in danger.

at school is going to...

students are in the changing period of both mentality and physicality

a process of maturation in mental and physical faculties is a characteristic of school life ... thats better.

In the today's modern life,

in todays life that is immensely influenced by modernity ... thats better

you were able to defend your point well but for all the errors.. i would suggest the same.. microsoft wordpad..just copy paste it there and it will point out all sorts of errors. grammatical in green. others in red underline.hope it can help out even more...!!! BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 13, 2013
Essays / How to start essay about fame gained from the internet (Facebook Founder) [3]

you have got a good idea about the topic but your thesis statement can still be improved.. well you are concerned with the introduction of the essay. so ther is the link you can visit if it can help..

supreme essays.com/samples/Research/Facebook.html

also you can give an intro like that.. as per your choice...
The purpose of this paper is to introduce, discuss, and analyze the topic of social networking. Specifically it will discuss the impact of the social networking site Facebook on today's society. Facebook has become a phenomenon for the social networking set, and what makes that so amazing is that Facebook did not even exist until 2004. Three college students created it to allow other students to network and meet each other, and it has caught on with young people around the globe. What impact does Facebook have on today's technologically advanced society? It allows people who probably never would have met each other in person to communicate, it creates new relationships and friendships, and it places distance between people who could communicate in person but instead choose to communicate online, instead. It is just another element of society that is interested in sharing information with the intimacy of a close, personal relationship.

Facebook is nothing more than a medium for communication, and yet, it is so much more than that. At a glance, a user can learn everything from what gender a Facebook member is, to what religion they believe in, what school they attend, and their likes and dislikes, all with the click of a mouse.


visit this too for help about introduction..
term paper warehouse .com/essay-on/Facebook/30930
temptprovidence   
Mar 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / toefl essay; What do you want most in a friend? humor, intelligence, trust, modest [5]

The humanhas created sociable

is

Certainly, you tend to be a friend with how has the particular feature

Certainly, you tend to be a friend with some one who possess some particular features.

They can help you go abruptly up the steps of thriving in overnight.

this the wrong use of this word.

There are a correlation

is

In sum up

to
i will suggest you the same what i suggest to too many people...if you have microsoft wordpad.just copy paste it there and it will point out all sorts of errors. grammatical in green. others in red underline.hope it can help out even more...!!! BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / TOEFL: eating more vegetables, less junk food and sweet, improve your health [6]

etting worse because we ada pt an unreasonable and harmful eating habit.

adopt.. adapt is to get used to some environment.

Dr. James Cone, a distinguished scolar specializes in nutrition.

specialized.

Finally, she got rid of the boresome of overweight .

reread and try to correct the sense.

For this reason, both of us became illness and went to hospital frequently.

illness it must be ill

my teeth became much more waken than before,

ther are alot much mistakes like that and you need to fix your grammar.
you can deal further with it if you have microsoft wordpad.just copy paste it there and it will point out all sorts of errors. grammatical in green. others in red underline.hope it can help out even more...!!! BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 11, 2013
Research Papers / 6 sigma hospitals - where to start research? [5]

I want to do thesis on 6 sigma but cant find any suitable topic.

i have no idea for that but i feel like i can help if you give me a little detail of the thing and what kind of topic you need. :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 11, 2013
Undergraduate / We had a hard life; Cal Summer Experience [7]

dumi what is the difference between the use of proficient and sufficient... plz tell the situations in which we must be careful about them! for there is no wide difference in ther meaning that i found.
temptprovidence   
Mar 11, 2013
Poetry / "when fate is really so true" (a piece of poetry) [11]

you didnt understand that! infact muhammad could not bear the injuries and died because of the severe injuries! not suicide...!

thankyou so much for your extremely useful advices. thanks again :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 10, 2013
Undergraduate / We had a hard life; Cal Summer Experience [7]

immigrated

i guess migrated will be better.. :)

in poor condition.

a poor condition/ poor conditions

I develops my leadership skills and improves my teaching and communication abilities from these activities

developed and improved

well written and appreciable :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 10, 2013
Scholarship / When Life Gets Tough - Don't Quit "DANCE" [2]

but because of economic and family hardships could not continue.

i could not

I have witness students join classes

witnessed

what I had learned with adults and leaders

learnt
in alot of places you missed out commas.. you can correct them yourself... your points and essay were great and appreciable... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 10, 2013
Writing Feedback / GRE; Reliance on technology destroys the problem solving skills of people? [2]

Pretty slow at essay writing. This took me more than an hour.

hour is not toooo long for this... and you will certainly improve over time
you essay was pretty good with good and comprehensive points... i agree with your opinions at every extent... you can deal further with it if you have microsoft wordpad... just copy paste it there and it will point out all sorts of errors... grammatical in green... others in red underline... hope it can help out even more...!!!

BEST OF LUCK :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 10, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS ; I believe that capital punishment is important to arrest the level of crimes [2]

first point of view that there is no excuse for those people and they deserve such extent of punishment.

use "such" in this place as a better alternative...

I would say that having thos e people in the society

the same correction :)
your points are very good and to the point and i agree with every single bit of it... no particular mistakes... although you need to to read it several times and you can yourself overcome the grammatical errors...

BEST OF LUCK... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 10, 2013
Dissertations / I need suggestions for phd topics in software engineering [18]

yes but i think this is the essay forum but not the subject help forum... although if you need help i can get that searched for you... i dont want to be critical or arrogant... just meant to help or guide... hope you didnt mind :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 10, 2013
Undergraduate / Diversity, proper tools, great learning environment;TRANSFER- How IIT will prepare me [6]

the writing was clear but i mean that afterall your limitation must be the topic... thats a grave mistake i think... if you write the same points but then correlate them with "the help your studies will be to the world" and with your "ambitions", that can help you... keep the same essay but at the end of each paragraph relate that with topic...

hope i was helpful... good expression you possess overall... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 9, 2013
Undergraduate / Diversity, proper tools, great learning environment;TRANSFER- How IIT will prepare me [6]

you are not focused on your topic... it requires "how you are to matter to the world with a backing of your institution" ... it asks you for your future ambitions as well..and neither of your further goals are mentioned... you need to focus.!!

that was a well written with no worser mistakes than grammar such as insertion of commas... try wordpad (microsoft) wher it underlines grammatical mistakes in green... that can help you off to perfection in many other fields as well such as strength and sense of sentence...!!!

BEST OF LUCK!!!! :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 8, 2013
Essays / How to write a good scholarship essay about career & educational goals for accounting [4]

for an intro, try starting as:
entered college with the aim of majoring in accounting. I have achieved this goal and am looking forward to also achieving my goal in terms of getting my CPA license and starting my own accounting business. Of course, this path will not be an easy one and there will be challenges to face along the way. I do, however, believe that if I keep my eye on my goal and work towards it, even with obstacles in my way, I will be able to achieve my goal and make a better life for my family and myself.

One of the challenges I will face along the way is employment. I currently have a part-time job as a junior accountant at a bookstore. I took this work in order to help me pay form my tuition. Although my father does help with my expenses, he cannot cover all the costs of my studies and accommodation. There are also textbooks and transport to think about, in addition to my daily needs such as food and my monthly expenses such as rent. While it helps greatly to have a part-time job, this is challenging to my energy levels and my ability to put...

visit this for help where i think you can find points:
saddleback.edu/faculty/allorente/AJL_Saddleback/The_Accounting_Profession.html

When you write your request letter, be clear and concise. Use a Standard or Indented Block Style layout. As
always, make sure your letter is well written and free of grammatical errors.
how to write:
1
st Paragraph: Introduce yourself by stating your educational background and career goals. Reveal how
you got their name and contact information. Explain your intentions for writing and indicate you are
requesting an informational interview.
2
nd Paragraph: Outline the issues and questions you have and wish to discuss with him or her at your
meeting. If you are enclosing a resume, state that it is for informational purposes only.
Closing Paragraph: Indicate assertively that you will call at a specific day and time to schedule an
appointment. Inform her or him of your contact information, unless you enclosed a resume. Type and sign
your name.
you also see these instructions, helpful:
1
Write out a list of goals before you begin, such as a salary range you desire or a specific company you want to work for. The more you understand about your career goals, the easier it will be to write the paper. A short-term goal, for example, is something that can be accomplished within a few months or a year. Long-term career goals generally take longer, perhaps five to 10 years. Once you have completed your list, you can group the goals in order of when you want to accomplish each one.

2
Identify the resources you need to accomplish your career goals. For example, a career goal of finding an entry level position can be attained by using resources such as your university's career center. To find the educational requirements needed for each career, utilize databases such as the Occupational Outlook Handbook, which is offered through the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Contact companies on your goals list to gather information about education or experience required to work there. This will enable you to map out a clear action plan.

3
Introduce your goals paper. In the introduction, discuss why you are writing the goals paper and include some information about how you completed the research needed to write it. For example, if you contacted the company you want to work for as part of your research, you can include a quote from an influential person within the company. Some background about your education and career to date can also be helpful in the introduction, particularly as it relates to your goals.

4
Add a section for your short-term career goals. Each goal can be included in its own paragraph. Discuss the goal and how you plan to accomplish it, as well as the time frame you expect it will take to accomplish each short-term goal.

5
Include a section for your long-term career goals. Again, include relevant information for each goal in its own paragraph. Determine if additional education is needed, and define a time frame for accomplishing long-term goals. These paragraphs might be longer than those in your short-term goals section.

6
Write about the process of completing the career goal narrative paper in the concluding paragraph. Discuss what you learned while writing the paper and how you feel about accomplishing your career goals.

you can see this... may be my research solely for you is helpful... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 7, 2013
Essays / Thesis for Research paper on a author (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle);Need advice! [7]

Sherlock Holmes is renowned for being super-rational. Yet his creator, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, claimed to speak with the spirits of the dead.

In Sir Arthur Conan Doyle classic detective story, "The Adventure of the Speckled Band" Sherlock Holmes proves himself a clever and memorable detective. Holmes uses his fantastic powers of observation to solve the crime and remain unforgettable to his readers. Upon meeting Helen Stoner, Holmes immediately notices she has come in by train. While she has not told him this information, his powers of observation help him deduce this fact. When she asks him how he knows, he notes, I observe the second half of a return ticket in the palm of your left glove" (Conan Doyle 2). Holmes ability to observe and analyze clues far outweighs other characters and detectives. Conan Doyle's detective has remained a popular character for over a century because of his superior powers of observation and admirable deductive abilities to solve crimes.

you can choose... hope i was helpful and am likeable... :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 7, 2013
Poetry / "when fate is really so true" (a piece of poetry) [11]

comparison of creations; WHEN FATE IS REALLY SO TRUE/A MEMORY FRM MY ARMED PAST

i have been offered an opportunity to either join the poets section or narration section of my college... i have just copy pasted my creations... plz let me know which thing is my stronger aspect.. i would love critics as well as corrections.. :)
temptprovidence   
Mar 6, 2013
Writing Feedback / Civilized behavior is one of the most valuable traditions of ancient Chinese good moral [5]

gentlely behavior is good way to show repsect

gentle behaviour is a good way to show respect.

held a big party to celebrate his 60 years old birthday.

held a big party to celebrate his 60th birthday.

Rong then sperate a pear into various parts and send them to everyone

Rong then divided the pear into many pieces and distributed them among all.

The entire family is please with his generous.

The entire family was pleased with his generosity.

a courteous man will obviously make a good impression to others

a courteous man will obviously make a good impression on others' mind.

One of my firend who applied for his Master program

One of my firend who applied for his Master program.

It seemed that they were at the same level if one just evaluated by their applied materials and score.

It seemed that they were at the same level if one just they were evaluated by their applied materials and score.

My firend immediately stood up and asked the old man to took his seat while the spainish boy just sticked to his place.

My firend immediately stood up and asked the old man to take his seat while the spainish boy just stuck to his place.

the professor sent him an email which mentioned about the little event in the bus.

the professor sent him an email which mentioned this event at the bus.

most valuable traditions of ancient Chinese good moral

most valuable traditions of ancient Chinese that are morally civilized.

It is so wonderful wisdom of our predecessor that we shall inherit forever.

it is such a wonderful wisdom..

good essay and expression.. loved the inspiration. :)

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