Undergraduate / "The Road Not Taken"; Why Dickinson? [2]

Hey guys! I would appreciate any feedback on the following essay, and will critique your essays in return.

In addition to curriculum, grades and activities, Dickinson's Admissions Committee looks for purpose, potential and self-reflection. Explain why you have chosen to apply to Dickinson and how your interests, talents and goals fit with Dickinson's distinctive character. (No word limit)

In 1915, drawing inspiration from the indecisiveness of his friend Edward Thomas during their long walks, Robert Frost penned the beautiful poem, "The Road Not Taken". In December 2013, I arrived at a crossroads of my own - whether to spend substantial time and money applying to universities in the US, or focus solely on preparing for the IIT-JEE examination. After careful consideration, I convinced myself and my parents that the Indian post-secondary education system, with its sheer focus on grades and lack of flexibility with regards to choosing one's major, could not do justice to my varied interests; thus began my search for the perfect American college.

I could of course give a host of reasons why Dickinson is a great match for me - I could say that with 2300 students it is big enough to have a healthy diversity of ideas but small enough to allow intimate relationships; I could say that the brilliant long-term study abroad programs would not only allow me to experience life abroad, but to really breathe in different cultures and lifestyles; I could say that access to a plethora of active clubs would let me explore various interests and develop into a well-rounded citizen with informed opinions - but that is not why I chose Dickinson. What cinched the deal for me were its commitment to environmental integration and its devotion to community empowerment. After spending countless hours on the internet - browsing through hundreds of photos and student accounts on 'Student Stories', reading post after post on 'College Confidential', and devouring every message on the Dickinson sub-reddit - I am now more confident than ever that a Dickinson education would give me every opportunity to grow into a well-rounded individual and positively contribute to society.

Dickinson's webpage on sustainability sums up my belief system pretty well - "We change the world by starting with our own backyard." In this regard, the College's promise to involve every member of its local community speaks to me at a very basal level. By joining the Dickinson Friends club, I want to interact with the less fortunate members of society and help them get a little nearer to their dreams. Service Trips would give me the opportunity to learn about the problems of disparate communities and how they deal with them in their own novel ways. On the other hand, working at the College Farm with the many passionate souls, learning about everything from rotational grazing to solar panel installation, would be an incredible learning. The Treehouse project also appeals to me due to its freedom to experiment and the chance to learn collaboratively - about composting and vermiculture, soap-making and vegetable preservation. Reading their posts on Facebook, one cannot help but feel their enthusiasm and energy, and this has only made me more fervent to participate in this awesome culture of sustainable living!

In addition, I am confident that I would be able to contribute positively to the Fitness Club, owing to my extensive experience with yoga and karate; at the same time joining the Ski and Snowboard Club would help me learn a new sport and make new friends. Browsing through the list of student-run clubs at Dickinson, I was surprised to notice the absence of any body for enthusiasts of radio-controlled machines. Last year, with the help of my elder brother, I assembled and flew my very own quad-copter, and that feeling of joy still remains with me. If admitted, I would love to form a 'Dickinson RC Club' and introduce my peers to this wonderful and fulfilling hobby.

I am the first person in my family to apply to an American university, let alone one as selective as Dickinson. Understandably, my parents are anxious. I on the other hand, am hopeful; unfazed even. I am confident that four years down the line, when I look back and see 17 year-old me proofreading this essay for the umpteenth time, I can smile a content man's smile, happy that I took the path less traveled.

Scholarship / Essay for Skidmore's Porter Scholarship - Interest in SCIENCE [3]

Hey guys! Below is my essay for the Porter scholarship at Skidmore. I'd appreciate any feedback:

Prompt: What aroused your interests in science and/or math, and what have you done to pursue them? No word limit.

"They said this money serves God's purpose, but now they act like it belongs to them", said my grandfather with contempt, after resigning from his various posts with the Swadhyay Parivar. This intrigued me, and on further research I learnt that over the years that organization had been involved in many fraudulent business practices, and with a membership of over five million, had come to very closely resemble a cult. Thus began my fascination with social psychology - understanding what drives people's behaviors and why we behave the way we do.

In this regard, the internet proved to be a great mentor - from the brilliant psychology blog 'The Situationist', I learnt how the widely accepted beliefs on human thinking and behavior are questionable; from 'Psyblog', I learnt about cognitive biases and how they lead us to making irrational decisions, where as 'The Last Psychiatrist' provided incisive insight into the mind of a practicing psychiatrist. Soon I became the fourteen year old trying to convince his friends why hate could not be a sustainable source of energy for the 'Sith' (from the Star Wars universe) because it is not a natural emotion, but dependent on stimuli from external abhorrent sources. Multiple re-runs of 'Lie to Me' even convinced me that I had become a walking lie-detector with an uncanny ability to decode the slightest tics!

Over time this early interest has grown more academic, and now shares my time with my other passions - mathematics and computer science. I discovered 'ProjectEuler' in tenth standard, and since then my mania for efficiency has only grown. I vividly remember one particularly challenging problem - finding the last ten digits of the non-Mersenne prime 28433×2^(7830457)+1. It consumed me completely for two whole days, but I was finally able to bring down the run-time of my code from three minutes to less than a second. That sense of adventure in exploring the many intricacies of a tough algorithm, that freedom for creative openness, provided a most exhilarating high; I have been hooked ever since.

Since my education system does not provide much latitude with respect to these interests, I have endeavored to continue my journey of self-improvement by taking online courses such as 'Introduction to Programming in Java' and 'Introduction to MATLAB' (MIT OpenCourseWare). My attempts to link together mathematics and computer science have produced many interesting results - the search for an efficient prime number generator introduced me to the Sieves of Atkins and Eratosthenes; the quest for finding the largest Collatz chain under one million led me to research papers attempting to solve the Collatz Problem. I also try to keep up with the latest research in psychology through online forums. Just last week I came across the ground-breaking longitudinal study by Prof. David Lubinski's group at Vanderbilt University, which concluded that although gifted children are most likely to be the next generation's innovators, education methods in most US schools do not allow them to reach their full potential. A long-term effort like this has every potential to impact government policy, within and without the United States.

My ambition is to work at the critical juncture of psychology and computation - to understand group dynamics and their significance in policy formation, to discover the hidden influence cultural factors on consumer habits, to decipher how the crowd forms decisions and what compels an individual to blindly follow the herd. If I can use my research to understand what makes people believe so firmly in an ideology that they do not think twice before taking their own lives, and if I can make even one person see reason, I honestly believe my purpose in life would have been served.

Undergraduate / Why Rhodes? OPPORTUNITIES it offers! [2]

I would appreciate any feedback on the following essay:

Rhodes College prompt - Why Rhodes? (200 words)

The first thing that struck me about Rhodes was the sheer breadth of opportunities it offered - from access to a host of internships to diverse cultural activities in Memphis, it has everything to ensure that I have a holistic and meaningful college experience. I plan to double major in Computer Science and Environmental Studies (concentrating in environmental policy), and in this regard Rhodes would grant unparalleled opportunities - to interact with industry at the Telkom Center for Excellence, to conduct research in areas as different as parallel computing and security & networks, to conduct hands-on field work near the Mississippi river, and to learn about the functioning of non-profit organizations by participating in the Shelby Farms Park Conservancy internship program. The international approach at the College - where students work in countries as diverse as Bolivia and South Africa - also appeals to me due to the freedom to explore critical issues across the globe and gain insights from local solutions.

But most importantly, I choose Rhodes for the confidence to know that at the end of my college life I would not only be a better policy-maker and a better scientist; I would be a better human being.

(word count - 200)

Undergraduate / "I don't understand what you are saying, pls tell in Gujarati"; Macalester - DIVERSITY [3]

Hey guys!
Please critique the following. It is the response to Mac's prompt, "Describe a situation where you had to work or closely associate with someone from a background very different from your own. What challenges did you face and how did you resolve them? (No word limit)". I tutored some students from the local government school from 8th to 10th grades, and have tried to include that here. As always, I will critique yours in return.

"Mane samajh nathi padtu tame shun kehta cho. Kripa kari Gujarati maa vaat karo". Translated to English this means, "I don't understand what you are saying. Please converse in Gujarati". In spite of all my attempts to convey how the two dimensional representation of an octahedron is an octagon, I could not get across my point to Meeku.

I remember the day when our maid brought along her son to our house like it was yesterday. His distinguishing feature was not his unusually small hands or his extremely close-set eyes, but his extraordinarily curiosity - about how my mother's mobile phone worked, what the microwave did, and why I had so many books. In the middle of this incessant line of questioning, he managed to tell me that he was a sixth standard student at our local Municipality school. We got talking and soon I learned that he was particularly fond of Mathematics, but was disappointed with the uninspiring teaching and the disillusioned teachers at his school. He went out on a limb and asked me if I could explain to him the chapter on geometrical figures from his textbook in my free time. To this day I am glad that I said yes.

We started the next day, but made very little progress. Teaching Meeku even simple mathematical concepts using Hindi or English terminology turned out to be a Herculean task. Soon it was clear that my only options were either getting fluent in Gujarati, or giving up on the endeavor altogether. Though I have grown up in Gujarat, till that moment I had never really bothered to learn Gujarati, since I always got by just fine using Hindi. This predicament, however, forced me to make a deliberate effort to learn the language of my state. I approached a friend who agreed to tutor me. After practicing for two weeks, I managed to learn the Gujarati terms for a whole slew of mathematical figures and operations; we could now begin anew.

We quickly finished that certain chapter, and moved on to the next one. And the next one. For two months we made brilliant progress, and I was elated to be doing a 'noble' deed. However one particular incident jolted me out of my priggishness. We had barely begun with the concept of simple interest, when Meeku abruptly stopped me to ask, "But why on earth would my parents give their money to a bank? How will they pay the rent if they do that?" I was swiftly reminded that many families do not have the cushion of savings to fall back on, that if Meeku's parents did not go to work for a day they might not have food on the table at night. That was his way of telling me to get off my high horse and appreciate my fortune at having being born in a family that could provide me with a comfortable living. I realized that diversity is not only realized in the color of one's skin, it is also affected in the way actualizes one's community.

What started out as a pseudo teacher-student relationship has today blossomed into a lasting friendship. Meeku will take his tenth standard school leaving examination this year, and I am certain that this will only be his stepping stone to larger things.

Undergraduate / 'Perfect' American college": Colgate supplement, 200 words [2]

Hey guys!
Below is my response to Colgate's prompt: What inspired you to apply to Colgate? (150-200) words.
It is due in a few hours, so please critique ASAP. As always, I will review your essay in return.

(The essay is 227 words long. Any suggestions to trim it?)

When I began my search for the 'perfect' American college, I was looking for an institution that offers intense academic rigor, substantial financial aid and challenging international experience. This is when I came across Colgate - from a host of internships to semester abroad programs, from state-of-the-art research facilities to plentiful extracurricular activities, Colgate has everything I have ever wanted from a holistic college experience.

I believe in the power of community involvement to counter our environmental travails, and plan to major in Environmental Studies and Educational Studies. The opportunity to travel to the University of Wollongong in Australia and interact with people from various cultures, to conduct collaborative graduate-level research in current environmental issues (ENST 390), and to build relationships with alumni through the "Colgate Connections" program would let me gain comprehensive understanding of real-world issues. I am also drawn to the unique 'Global Leaders at Colgate' series of lectures, as these would allow one to interact closely with world leaders and learn about how they overcome obstacles daily to deliver results time after time.

The touching Hindi poem by Harivanshrai Bachchan urges its readers to endeavor relentlessly, to never run away from the battlefield, as this is the only way to guarantee success. I hope that with utmost dedication and hard work, I will be able to realize my American Dream at Colgate.

Undergraduate / "The Road Not Taken"; Why Macalester? [6]

Hey guys! Below is my response to Macalester's prompt, 'What factors have led you to consider Macalester College? Why do you believe it may be a good match, and what do you believe you can add to the Mac community, academically and personally? '.

The deadline is in 24 hours, and I will appreciate any critique. Needless to say, I promise to review your essay in return.

(There is no word limit)

In 1915, drawing inspiration from the indecisiveness of his friend Edward Thomas during their long walks, Robert Frost penned the beautiful poem, "The Road Not Taken".

In December 2013, I arrived at a cross-road of my own - whether or not to spend substantial time and money applying to US universities, or to continue preparing for the IIT-JEE examination. After some retrospection, I convinced my parents that the Indian post-secondary education system would not successfully cater to my passions, and began my search for the right American college. My top factors affecting this search were academic flexibility and rigor, financial aid, location, and diversity of the student body. Needless to say, Macalester was the only one that fulfilled all the criteria - the 'Holy Grail'!

The first thing that struck me about the College was the sheer breath of opportunities it offered. From a host of internships to semester abroad programs, from a vibrant nightlife in the Twin Cities to research opportunities right from the first semester, Macalester would provide everything to ensure that I have a holistic and meaningful college experience. I plan to double major in Computer Science and Environmental Studies, and a Mac education would go a long way in giving me the best of both worlds. The opportunity to battle it out with the best in the Putnam Mathematics Competition, to conduct research in fields as varied as parallel computing and robot navigation, and to engage with world-class faculty is what the Macalester experience would guarantee me.

I have always believed that change in society only comes through concerted efforts at the lowest levels, and have endeavored to live my life by this creed. Macalester's commitment to form community relationships speaks to me at a very basal level, and I would absolutely cherish the chance to work with the many motivated souls on campus. It would be a wonderful learning experience to participate in any of the clean-energy initiatives undertaken by The Macalester Conservation and Renewable Energy Society (MacCARES). The EcoHouse project in particular appeals to me due to its freedom to experiment and the chance to learn collaboratively. Reading about the experiences of Julia, Meg, Maars and Mickey on the EcoHouse blog, their journeys of transformation from average teenagers to eco-maniacs with formidable knowledge about composting and vermiculture, veritable skills in soap-making and vegetable preservation, has only made me more fervent to participate in this awesome culture of sustainable living! Alyssa Markle's post in The Orange has even got me excited about the 'Outdoor Environmental Education' course, and if admitted, I would love to avail of this opportunity to relate my classroom experience to actual interaction with students.

I am confident that I would be able to contribute positively to the Macalester Yoga Club and the Macalester Martial Arts Club, owing to my extensive experience with yoga and karate. Browsing through the list of student-run clubs at Mac, I was surprised to notice the absence of any body for enthusiasts of radio-controlled machines. Last year, with the help of my elder brother, I assembled and flew my very own quad-copter, and that feeling of joy still remains with me. If admitted, I would love to form a 'Macalester RC Club' and introduce the students to this wonderful and fulfilling hobby.

I am the first person in my family applying to any American university, let alone one as selective as Macalester. Understandably, my parents are anxious. I on the other hand, am hopeful; confident even. I am confident that four years down the line, when I look back to this day, I can sigh a content man's sigh, wise in the knowledge that I took the path less traveled.

Undergraduate / Cornell's CAS Supplement - your current intellectual interests [8]

Hey guys! Below is my response to Cornell's prompt:
Describe two or three of your current intellectual interests and why they are exciting to you. Why will Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences be the right environment in which to pursue your interests? (Please limit your response to 650 words.)

It is 647 words long, and due in less than 10 hours. I would really love your comments, and as promised, will critiqued yours almost immediately!

Response:

"They said this money serves God's purpose, now they act like it belongs to them", said my grandfather with contempt, after resigning from his various posts with the Swadhyay Parivar. This intrigued me, and on further research I learnt that over the years that organization had been involved in many fraudulent business practices, and with a membership of over five million, had come to very closely resemble a cult.

Thus began my fascination with social psychology - what drives people's behaviors, what are our motivations, what we think affects us versus hidden stimuli. The internet proved to be a great mentor - from the brilliant psychology blog 'The Situationist', I learnt how the widely accepted beliefs on human thinking and behavior are seriously questionable; from 'Psyblog', I learnt about cognitive biases and how they lead us to making irrational decisions, whereas 'The Last Psychiatrist' provided incisive insight into the mind of a practicing psychiatrist. Soon I became the fourteen year old trying to convince her friends why hate could not be a sustainable source of energy for the 'Sith' (from the Star Wars universe) because it is not a natural emotion, but a function of stimuli from abhorrent sources. Multiple re-runs of 'Lie To Me' and books like 'What Every Body is Saying' by Joe Navarro even convinced me that I had become a walking lie detector with an uncanny ability to decode even the slightest tics!

My second enduring passion is computer science, and particularly coding. Few things get me more excited than reading about how some 14-year old has successfully defaced the website of a major corporation, or how some 22-year old has made his fortune with a website startup. I have taken all the computer science courses offered by my schools, and many weekends find me sitting rapt in front of the computer, wracking my brains over some problem from 'ProjectEuler', or furiously trying to optimize my code for 'Codechef'.

Since my education system does not provide much latitude with respect to these interests, I have endeavored to continue my journey of self-improvement by taking online courses, such as 'Introduction to Programming in Java' and 'Introduction to Algorithms' (MIT OCW). I am currently reading 'An Introduction to Developmental Psychology' by Alan Slater, and make it a point to discuss the concepts I learn with my therapist. In this regard, the College of Arts and Sciences offers unparalleled opportunities - the space to explore the relationship between people's emotions and judgments with Dr. David Pizarro at the Cornell Center for Behavioral Economics and Decision Research (BEDR), with the time to participate in research with the Knowledge Representation and Reasoning group at the Department of Computer Science. If admitted, I would pursue double majors in Computer Science (focusing on Artificial Intelligence) and Psychology (concentrating in Social and Personality Psychology), with a minor in Cognitive Science. Computer Science's emphasis on algorithmic approach along with psychology's focus on critical thinking provide fertile ground to probe the many questions I have, such as "Can cognition be parameterized?", and "Can findings from machine learning further our understanding of social psychology?".

I am also interested in embarking on a cooperative work-study program in computer science, because of the unique opportunity to immerse oneself in an intensive environment with professionals. Having taught myself five computer languages, I am eager to test my mettle, as well as bring the skills I learn at the workplace back to the laboratory.

Overall, Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences is an institution where I can flourish with students who are equally passionate about making a difference in people's lives. If I can understand what drives people into joining cults, what makes them believe so firmly in an ideology that they do not think twice before taking their own lives, and if I can make even one person see reason, I would be the happiest person in the world.

Undergraduate / Eco Protectors - Lafayette: What do you do? Why do you do it? [10]

Hey guys! Below is my reply to Lafayette's prompt:
There's a difference between being busy and being engaged. Lafayette comes alive each day with the energy of students who are deeply engaged in their academic, co-curricular and extracurricular explorations. In response to the second prompt, keep it simple - choose one activity and add depth to our understanding of your involvement. What do you do? Why do you do it? (20-200 words)

However, I have used 300 words, and am not sure where to trim the narrative.
Could you please help with that, and also comment on the quality of the essay?
I promise to critique yours in return :)

You know how when you are so passionate about something, you wake up every morning with a smile on your face and a jump in your step, ready to conquer the day? Well, that's not me. Most mornings I wake up groggy and tired from lack of sleep because I was busy planning out the next activity of my club.

In the April of 2010, my best friend from school and I formed Eco Protectors - our attempt to answer the many environmental issues facing our home town. For our first project, we decided to address the problem of rising air pollution by organizing a week-long festival, comprising of an environmental awareness cycle rally, street performances, and culminating in a tree plantation drive. Although we had thought we could easily handle it, the real world difficulties challenged all our learnings. Over the period of two months, we gave multiple presentations to the xyz Municipality, approached private donors for assistance, printed and put up flyers in many apartment buildings, formed a website for publicity, convinced local newspapers and news channels to join our effort, conducted five auditions, and were finally able to gather about fifty volunteers. This was the first big project I had undertaken, and it has taught me a lot of things. I have learnt the value of timely coordination and teamwork, the importance of soft skills and real world experience. I have learnt that no amount of planning will compensate for people's ability to screw things up, but I have also seen the power of belief - if we can communicate our ideas to people in a way that relates to their personal lives, we can turn their apathy into passion, and even turn our staunchest opponents into our closest friends.