Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'Woman'; behavior of children and the role of a modern mother [6]

Hey, i'm in the home straight of my ielts test! Here is an essay about the education of children and the role of the mother nowadays made in 40 min. Thanks per advance for ur help :-)

proposal:

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

answer:

Women have always had a crucial role in the education of their child. However, over the decades, they ran out of time to rise them because of the moving societies whose gave them the same right to work as men do. Today, delinquency is higher than never. Is the lack of mother's time responsible of it ? I strongly believe that their is no correlation between these two fact.

Firstly, busy women throughout their work provide households a more balanced life, based on the equality between the father and the mother. Thus, the family and its members theirself tend to be affected positively. Moreover as a matter of fact, the childhood's delinquency is more frequent in disordered families, whom experienced divorced, or unemployed. Nowadays, autonomous education became important, with less time available from parents for their children, this is normality. For exemple, children are more likely socialy stimulized going to the nurse and playing with the others children there, than staying at home with their mother as sole social contact.

Secondly, mothers are not the only pillar of their children's education. Amoung others, school, society and social statut, also affect a child behavior. Additionaly, both father and mother are required to rise a child. For instance, a hard worker's father will provoke a traumatism for the child who will be lack of the fatherhood's picture.

Finnaly, nothing is more important than a balanced family for a child, and our modern times have proved us that equality between a father a mother would provide better education for our child than a housewive.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: phone calls in UK; 35 billions minutes in 2002 [4]

Hi, 3 days remaining before my test, I hope I'm approaching the perfection in term of structure at least. My current problem is the time, I didn't respect the 20 minutes for this task, since I try to be very careful in my hand writing. That's why i'm a bit scared for saturday!

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The pie chart below exposes the time spent by UK residents on different type of telephone call, between 1999 and 2002.

Overall, local calls were the highest throughout this period. Even if the gap between the figures had narrowed considerably.

Local calls gradualy climbed of 5 billions minutes each year from 1995 to 1998. The figure reached the top notch of 90 billions in 1999, before plunging over the period 2000 to 2002.

Conversely, nationals and internationals called rose steadily from 36 to 46 billions during a half decade, until plateau just on 60 billions minutes onwards.

A closer look at the mobile's calls shows an upward trend from 1995 during 4 years. Whether the very early of the 21th century recorded a rocketed time passed through mobile phone call in UK (almost doubled comparing the year 2000 and 2001), the trend calmed down in 2002 where this number reached 35 billions minutes.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: unemployment rate comparaison between US and Japan mar.93-mar.99 [5]

This line chart compare the unemployement rate between Japan and US.

Overall, the US unemployement is decreased over the years, while the japanese line is globally increasing.

More precisely, the US unemployement rate was more than 2 times superior than the Japanese rate in March 93, reaching 6,5% for the former one, and 3% for the final one. With some fluctuations, US unemployement dropped to 5,5% in 2 years, whereas the Japanese rate rose to 3,6%. This last one continued to grow and reached 4,4% until early of 96.

Americans without a job rate rose in the middle of March but went back down to the rate of the previous year on march 96. Then, a dramatic decrease of the Japanese rate is shown during March 96, but this trend changed with a continuous increased of unemployement from around May 96 upwards.

The US line remained steady woth some fluctuations from 96 to 99, during wich met the Japanese rate with 5% of unemployement .

PS: I think that I should use more the horizon's datas (date) than the line (unemployment rate)... I would be more clear maybe.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: Japanese tourists in Australia - numbers went from 0% to 6% [5]

The presents charts show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad for the former one, and the Australia's share of japan's tourist market for the last one.

As a trend, the number of Japanese tourists going abroad had virtually quadrupled in 10 years. The number of Japanese going in Australia went to 0% to 6%.

More precisely, between the middle of the 80s and the 1990, the number of Japanese travelers abroad gradually rose from 5 to 11 millions. The 1991 year is marked by a small fall of half a million. In 92 and 93, this number remained steady. However during 1994 and 1995, there was a tremendous increase from 12 millions to above 15 millions.

Besides, the number of Japanese tourists in Australia started to 0% and climbed to 2% in 1985. The 3 next years, the curve gradually rose to 4.75% to collapse during 1988. Finally, a continuous increase of the rate from 1989 upwards. A small stagnation is noticeable in the year 1993.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS: Popular events are essential; world sport events provide positive waves [4]

Hellow :). Here is my 5th IELTS task 2 thread, thanks per advance !

proposal :

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

answer :

A world sportive competition event is watched by almost every country around the world and provide social stimulus and people gathering. However, while people view these sportive events as vital in release international problems, others think that they are just entertainment to distract people. I believe that they are important somehow, but not essential.

As a matter of fact, world sport events provide positive waves for number of people. The main purpose of such competitions is to enjoy and share emotions between supporters though their favorite team. These emotions are shared locally in our village or city, nationally in our own country but even internationally too. Obviously these events gather people and their nationalist pride feeling is increased. For example, the football world cup taking place every four years is a very followed event during which everyone is having fun.

Moreover, these sports events are not essential in other issues such as politics or other international affairs. Thus, if the general atmosphere during the show is peaceful and fraternal, the reality is different. In other words, this is the « calm before the storm ». After the Olympics games are finished, everything came back to normal and all the game competition is forgotten by the majority. To picture it, recently, Putin was pleased to open the last winter Olympic games and gather international countries, but actually it has been just facade and Putin didn't listen international warning after he conquered the Crimea.

Finally, an international sports event is a very good thing to gather people, let them dream, being proud of their nationality and forget problems, but just for a while. These meetings are in none case here to interact with international affairs.

Writing Feedback / Painter, director, writter, photographers - creatives artists, expressing their own ideas. [4]

proposal :

creatives artists should be always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, or film) in whichever they want. There should be no government restrictions on what they do. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion ?

answer :

Painter, director, writter, photographers... These creative artists need liberty to express themselves through their creations. However, many are the barrers whose restrict them and run against their work. I personally think that politics, laws, or dictatorships should not ban any form of expression.

First of all, artists are the mirror of our societies. Unfortunatly, dictatorships or extremists countries are not the soles to restrict creatives people. As a matter as a fact, even developped countries and democracy are banning artists. In contrary, these politics should respect free speech right and put forward ideas, creations. For example, USA often bans movies or documentary whose are denouncing the governement. Such movies could be very instructive for the american people.

Morever, if we put ourselves in the artists shoes and experience restrictions as they do, we realize that it is like being in jail. As common people, artists need recognition, usefull reviews and others feedback. Otherwise they feel banished and powerless. A lot of artists are moving from their own country to avoid the governement pressure, such as politics refugees. Most of them come from dictatorship or these kind of close minded countries. For exemple the chinese artist Zao Wou-Ki came to Paris from China, where he had a brillant artistic career, until his death.

Finnaly, being an artist is quite tough. And these people should be put in the front of the scene instead of being banned. Because one again, they reflect our own liberty and give an interesting point of view of our current society. Therefore, let creative artists denonce, reveal and express ideas !

Writing Feedback / IELTS: highly qualif graduates without employment are frequent, why? cutthroat competition [3]

question :

In many countries today are many highly qualified graduates without employment.
What factor may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it ?

answer :

Nowadays, to follow its studies until a master degree is quite frequent. The cutthroat competition that highly qualified people are experiencing is frustrating. But this sole factor don't explain the whole problem, which is much more complex and difficult to deals with.

Firstly, the cost of this highly qualified labor is as important as their diploma. The employers have invested a lot of money on them, with the main objective that they will be beneficial for the company. In some countries like France, the employers have to pay important taxes to the government, added to the monthly salary of the worker. The result is that companies turn towards low cost labor such as internship or sandwich course's students. In my opinion, political should provide aids to companies to promulgate the recruitment and ban this can of bad behavior.

Then come the requirements for the companies. Long studies generally -but not constantly- specialized the future workers. Indeed, a second year of master or, more significantly, a PhD, usually provides the student the knowledge in one precise domain. The aim is to prepare the students to be fully operating and productive in their future job. The negative effect is that, the companies preferred to form their own employee instead of experienced some close-minded highly qualified people. For me, it is not necessary to graduate a lot of postgraduate student every year, but to point out with criteria, in which domains we need labor, and why. Thus, schools would provide places to people only if they are useful for market.

Overall, there is a job for everyone on this world; we just need to give the next generation the place where they belong in our societies. Accordingly everyone would be happy.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2. Visitors should follow local behavior or not ? [7]

TASK 2 :

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behavior. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowdays, travelling is becoming much easier. Beside, countries have to satisfy this hudge wave of travellers, from different horizons. People wants a comfortable journey in the one hand, but also an exotic travel in the other hand. For me, the most important is to provide visitors a hudge change during their small time of holidays, who wants to leave their routine, but providing some services for long period visitors.

The main reason of travelling for some people is discovering a new culture, whereas for some others it is more the exotism. In these both cases, local customs and behavior are welcome to enhance the power of exotism and the feeling of being free of it's own culture. For example, going to Japan was for me an inforgivable experience. I was far away my own country behavior, but rocked by the local people and traditions. That also enhanced my mind and values.

However, providing visitors the confort of staying close to their usual habits could be reassuring in some cases. Every country should provide everyone's demand. Where some people will prefer to eat the local food, others will prefer not to change their alimentary's habits. More important is satisfy long-period visitors. Exhanges students or expatriates who are far away their families and country need sometimes to be close of their roots. Everything depend of how long you stay in the host country.

In conclusion, countries should think about the majority of visitors who look after exotism. But also provide services for the other visitors, who settle down for a mid or long term. More sedentary, they require a certain need of confort, like being close of their own culture.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : increasing the number of sport facilities in order to improve public health [5]

Hi everyone, I'm new here and I know your website through the wise advices of my supervisor "Ajitrai88", a old member :)
Above is the subject I decided to treat with my answer (326 words). Thanks a lot in advance for your feedback(s) !

Subject : Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have a little effect on public health and that other measures are required.

Discuss both these views nad give your own opinion.

Answer :

Lately, obesity has became a major part in politic and a big issue in the scientist area. The fact of nowdays is that people are more used to eat fast food than trying to have a dynamic and healthy life. A way to resolve this problem would be showing good aspects of sport through a enhanced propaganda about sport. However, some people think that it is not the question and health problem would be due to others aspects. In any case, sport had always been one of the best way to keep an healthy body and avoid fatal accidents.

Sport is an essential part of our life as human being. It is practiced to stay healthy of course, but also to run our daily life. « An healthy mind in an healthy body » is the quote which illustrate well my point of view. Thus, why not create a sport section in each company ? Furthermore the modern jobs is actually very passive, physically speaking, and nowdays, a typical employe is sitting in a chair during the whole day.

In order to motivate the sport practicer, it would be wise to grow the social interactions and the fun through it. Moreover, proximities services would ease the practicants to come daily and keep a routine as a sportive.

If spite of that, to decline the general health problem which touch the citizens, decisions should be rise. Such as : avoid the too much advertisements about non-healthy food, forbid cigaret selling to people under the majority year, avoid rudeness at school or work in order to decrise the stress and depressure...

Overall, we are living in a free country, so people can eat, smoke or drink sodas however they want. But as a fact, we should also have the choice to have healthy habits and practice a sport. And there is no reason that practicing sport would appeared to be more complicated that going in a fast food.