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Posts by Mann_ms
Name: Masniati Masse
Joined: Sep 18, 2014
Last Post: Feb 6, 2015
Threads: 9
Posts: 20  
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From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 29
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Mann_ms   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Three possible locations of the wind turbine; under the sea, on top of a hill or near a local house. [2]

Hy akhfan... that's nice essay. you success to construct your essay in order to be easy to read.. however, let me give you some suggestion...

The turbine consists of three blades are connected by a generator as a center of the turbine.

The generator has a function as changing movement energy to trigger electrify

I'm not sure with that word. I think you mean "electricity"

Good Luck for your next essay..:)
Mann_ms   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / The production will receive assistance to provide perfect products - manufacturing stages [2]

The diagram below shows the typical stages of consumer goods manufacturing, including the process by which information is fed back to earlier stages to enable adjustment.

The flow chart illustrates the several parallel stages of goods manufacturing, and the process of production is regulated based on information feedback. Overall, what stands out from the diagram is that manufacturing of the good depends on the information comments of research.

The first stage in production of goods is raw material and manufactured components are kept in storage room. After that, the process passes through the production planning which production planning will accept packaging design from designer department after receiving command from product research. Despite production planning process, the next stage is assembly process and inspection respectively. The After inspection, the products follow the testing process prior to entering package stage. Following that, the products are ready for distribution in the dispatch section and eventually are sent for sale.

Besides that, the production will receive feedback to provide perfect products. The stages of giving feedback stat from sales that offer comments to improve the production planning and market research. The production planning, on the other hand, then swings feedback for storage department. Another feedback comes from market research that gives comments for advertising, packaging, and design. However, design can receive feedback from testing too.




Mann_ms   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Wind Turbine Generates Energy Power for Harnessing [IELTS - TASK 1] [3]

Hai..
Allow me to give you some suggestion for your essay.. This is a nice essay.. However, I found a little bit mistake in your writing..

The diagrams show a turbine machine for producing harnessing energy from wind, and where it places in optimum spots

S+V, and S+V don't forget to put comma before AND if after this word followed by S+V

blades and a tower

needless to say that AND we use to connect parallel words and sentences. So, you have to make it parallel in here...

In contrast, other turbines can be set up close by coast line

Mann_ms   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Tax is aiding to creep the authority revenue by directly or indirectly way from public. [8]

Hai Sabby multani...
that's nice essay. however, allow me to give you some suggestions in your writing..

Tax is collected by various mode such as- by Tool tax, Educational tax and so on.

in academic writing especially in IELTS, you have to avoid using lazy word like so on, etc. and many more. It would be better if you write tool tax and educational tax

I accede to this interpretation that parents should not be pay tax, who send their children in private school because they are already sacrifice by spending huge amount in school as a fees for their children's education. For instance, in Canada, the private school or university want a big chunk of money from guardian who want higher education for their children.so So I notion that they should not do more sacrifice by paypaying education tax.

On the other hand, it is believe that all people are equal, nobody areis different to each other.so allAs a result, people have responsibility to pay tax as aan equality. Moreover, we know the collection of money by tax is useusedinfor government school for covering student's education of students , authority schools can also provide a higher education to students like private schools. In addition to , we also pay aan emergency such as fire brigade or ambulance. As an evidence, Fortunate some people do not use this help in their lives but they pay this tax so as this all parents should be pay education tax even they send their children in private schools.

to be careful if you write an essay. in IELTS, I suggest you to don't judge in general like all people. you may write "It is undeniable that people tend to have same perception.

I suggest you to revise your this body paragraph, needless to say that writer in IELTS essay not involve directly in essay. you have to minimize putting like "I, WE" you can write I if you give suggestion or your own opinion.

Good Luck, My apologize if I make mistake..:)
Mann_ms   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Internet is a wonderful tool for making new friends [2]

Some people believe that the internet is a wonderful tool for making new friends and maintaining existing friendship. Others, however, think that socializing removes the face-to-face contact so vital to human relationship.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The way people communication has been changing since invention of feature technology. Humankind can utilize the internet as a means of telecommunication. Some people argue that the internet is a media communication for making new friends and also allowing people to keep in touch although people stay in long distance. However, others believe that the internet can deteriorate relationship because it reduces the intention people to meet face-to-face. Although this is true, I strongly believe that the internet can affect user's relationship.

The internet is popular media that many people use to communicate each other in this age. It is because the internet offers several features such as instant messages and social networks that can make people easy to chat. Facebook, for instance, is the most popular media social that people use to keep in touch with friends or relatives. Many people from whole the world also can make new friends without meeting face-to-face because they still keep contact with using internet access. As a result, this is an effective way to know people from around the world without wasting time and money to meet directly with new friends.

It is undeniable that the internet can affect people relationship. Intensity for meeting directly can be more less because the still can chat using the social media, with it influencing people's pure relationship. Between two friends, for example, feel having a wide gap between them due to the fact that they meet once in the blue moon. As a result, lack of meeting makes the friendship worsen.

I would argue that making friends from the internet is impolite and amoral to start making friends. Based on some psychologists, the internet allow users modification their profile's accounts in the internet in order to attract other users. For exemplify, man user can upload perfect profile and picture account in his account so as to gain more attention from women user and start to build relation. As a result, people have to careful before starting to create relationship due to the fact that many people give unreliable information.

To sum up, the internet gives an alternative way to make friends, with using features of the internet like social media and instant messages. People can still keep in touch with their friends without meeting face-to-face. However, this also makes the friendship worsen thanks to lack of direct meeting. I fear that many people utilize the internet to deceit other people. So, I would argue that people have to pay close attention with others prior to starting create relationship because off all information in the internet are incredible information.
Mann_ms   
Feb 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Every subject may apply in a practical field which impact us and gives a positive effect on our life [3]

Halo, Talibaquil..
Let me give you some suggestion in your essay..
I found that you have to manage your paragraph so as to be easy to read..

Being a students is an essential stage in every body life..[].

This paragraph too bulky, I think that it would be great if you separate them into two paragraph, And you have to pay attention with using comma or full stop and capital letter in appropriate place. Also, in introduction, you shouldn't write long intro. in this part, you have to catch readers attention with excellent intro..:)

if we focusing on the subjects that being provided to the students from the primary schools till they finish their high schools we will notice very great diversity in subjects that may covers almost every thing, and it may provide the students with a nice background of information that may help him to specialize in any branch of science that the student may interested in, even the others who are not willing to join the colleges or being involved in further education, they will still have good information about every thing.

here, you write many sentence with one full stop. I think you should revise your paragraph, and it would be easy to catch your idea if you use full stop.

Generally, I support the opinion that say thatsays every subject have it'sits purposes,

Generally, I support the opinion that say that every subject have it's purposes, according to that there is no subject less importance than others,for instance,arts may have a lot of important because it may interfere with the daily life of human, for examplethe art that may provide in the media to provide the entertainments for people, more over when it enter in the designing of buildings, another example about history studying and how it is beneficial to get the information about the mistakes that happened in the past to avoid it in the future, all the that support the idea that all the subjects are important in the same way.

I'll give you some suggestions to construct your body paragraph.. you may follow this pattern..
Main topic + reason/supporting idea + sample + conclusion.
In this paragraph, I think you give more sample in one body paragraph.. It's good but if you want to use multiple idea. you can write with putting many main idea.

Good Luck:)
Mann_ms   
Feb 5, 2015
Writing Feedback / Leave alone history, any scientific invention or discoveries can be proved only by facts. [3]

Hi..Vidhyamouli

I've read your essay.. I think that's a nice essay.. however, I would give you some suggestions i your essay...

As a student,*I felt understanding ideas and concepts were more important than learning facts, **and I never paid much attention to facts. As a result,***I never mastered things that I learnt. Therefore, I think though ideas and concepts are the ultimate goal for learning, learning the facts is very important to master what we learnt.

*In this part, I think you have to pay attention in subject verb agreement..
**also, don't forget put comma if the form S+V,and S+V
*** I think you ought to make sure tense that you use, sometimes we find difficult to understand without time signal.

In body paragraph, I suggest you to write main topic first, and then give the reason and followed by sample to make it specific.
"Topic sentence + Reason/support idea + sample + conclusion" this pattern can lead us to make paragraph with great flow.

Leave alone history, any scientific invention or discoveries can be proved only by facts. Sir Issac Newton accidentally discovered the concept of gravity. However, to make the world understand and accept this concept he had to present his facts.

this is a good part due to the fact that you write scientific fact to support your idea, but It would be great if you put in your body paragraph with following the pattern that I mentioned before.
Mann_ms   
Oct 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - nowadays human activities are influenced by computer use; computers are more of a hindrance? [2]

Some people think that computers are more of a hindrance than a help in today's society. Others believe that they are such indispensable tools that they would not be able to live or work without them.

Discuss both opinions and give your opinion

Computer is one of modern technology inventions that useful for human life. People use computer particularly for work, study, even for communication. However, many people argue that computer more give obstacle than a help in social life. Other sides believe that it becomes prominent thing, and they cannot do anything without that device. However, I strongly believe that computer can influence society, and people's lives have already been controlled by device.

Nowadays, computer can affect human life in different manners which these can be give positive or negative impact especially in society. Mediabank survey, for instance, show that Australian's adults spend average nine hours a day stay in front of computer. It is clear that adults more prefer spend the amount of their time to play computer than to socialize with their family and friends. As a result this situation can make relationship with family or friends deteriorate.

However, using computer can make people easier to complete their work. Businessmen, for example, use computer device to presentation or communication with their colleagues. Communication by feature-computer such as email and internet help busy businessmen to make deal with relation even in different country. This is due to using computer more efficient and, many workers cannot do more in work without computer.

In conclusion, in era technology like this age, computer becomes important thing in human life. Every day, people cannot pass the day without stay in front of computer or using it. This situation becomes lifestyle habits, and nowadays human activities are influenced by computer use.
Mann_ms   
Oct 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / medical treatment ielts test question [7]

Hi bteng...
allow me to give you littel bit suggest...

Other views this as irrelevant, and budget should instead be focus on building individual knowledge and skills

They believe that the health promotion is better than cure.

doesn't

Needless to say that in Iets writing task 2 we shouldn't write abbreviation. it would be better if you write "does not"

it doesn't consume large amount of money,

I would arguee that better of you use "spend" not consume..

Unlike research, the error margin of health promotion is close to zero, and the amount of expenses

you should put "comma" before "and" because I think that sentences not parallel
Mann_ms   
Oct 22, 2014
Letters / consume the chemical food usually do by people from past time to nowadays, because organic vegetable [3]

Consuming the chemical food is bad trend that usually do by people. This bad trend has happened since in the past until nowadays.

Hy YULIS: I think you should avoid using word like bad, good, the best, etc in your essay...

We live in modern time where everyone need something in quick time, such as instant food

People can get the instant food by supermarket such as, instant salad

maybe you shouldn't put comma here

These days, people who work in the companies, offices, departments, banks or many others , they need quick something to manage their time everyday.

*also avoid using lazy words such as many others, etc, and so on, and things like that
It would be better if you just write "companies, offices, departements, and banks."

*avoid using these words : needles to say that "so" it would be better in spoken language, maybe you can change with as a result.

They givesome special products to get quick time for harvest to get fresher vegetables and more benefits from supermarket.

Mann_ms   
Oct 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1- process of chocolate-making and the percentage of allocation the cost [2]

The diagrams below show how chocolate is made and how the price of chocolate bar is divided up among those involved in the process.

Summaries the information by choosing and reporting the key features, and make any relevant comparisons.

The diagrams depict the process of chocolate-making and the percentage of allocation the cost based on which get involved in the process.

Overall, the process of making chocolate will pass several steps and will result two kinds of chocolate, for industrial chocolate and food industry. And then, there are five types that would be receive the retail cost.

First of all, the process of making chocolate begins with grind the cocoa beans. The first step, cocoa grinding process will result waste products and cocoa liquor which will use in the next process. In the next step, cocoa liquor will be divided into two processes. For industrial chocolate, cocoa liquor will be process with combine cocoa butter, sugar, and other ingredients. This process change cocoa liquor become chocolate bar. Other steps, cocoa liquor will pass the pressing process to result cocoa powder for food industry.

However, the pie chart shows that the lowest price of chocolate bar is received by farmer who planting and harvesting cocoa beans, receives only 4 per cent of the retail cost. The chocolate company, on the other hand accepts 10 per cent. The government receives 15 per cent from withdrawal of taxes. The supermarket, on the other hand receives 34 per cent of the retail prices. Whereas, the cost of ingredients and overheads result the largest proportion, 37 per cent.
Mann_ms   
Oct 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / The dramatically fluctuations are composite by Canada, Italy, Japan and France - IELTS table chart [7]

Hy Wiratmaja_Dicky...
Let me give you some advice to your IELTS Writing Task 1. And sorry if I make mistake due to I'm still lerning too.

The chart shows data from seven nations there are Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, UK and USA. The dramatically fluctuations are composite by Canada, Italy, Japan and France.

I think in Intro, you shouldn't put this part becaouse it is more detaile... It would be better if you explain in body paragraph. But if you want to put in Intro, make this sentence in general view. e.g (in several countries) maybe.

As we know, in intro just contain paraphrase from promt which include what the topic talking about, where and when it happen.
Mann_ms   
Oct 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] International aid should be prioritised as foreigners are facing more serious problems [4]

Hi friend :)
allow me to give you some advice to your essay...

a great number of people

Needless to say that number of ... (followed by noun with -s) e.g number of animals

Many people in some African countries , for example in some African countries , are living below the basic standards.

In conclusion, people from unfortunate countries need more international assistance while helping citizens in the home country is also necessary.

in your conclusion, I suggest you to make it more longer, and all of your opinion include in this paragraph. and you may give your suggest or advice in this part too.
Mann_ms   
Oct 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Pet ownership can give merits and demerits for the animal who are involved and for the community [2]

Many people keep dogs and cats as companions.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of pet ownership for the animals involved and for the community as a whole.

Nowadays, Pets become one of the best friends in life especially for owner. Commonly many people choose to keep pets particularly cats and dogs as companions. However many arguments reveals that pet ownership can give merits and demerits for the animal who are involved and the community. I personally agree that it can give advantages and disadvantages for animals and environmental community.

It is true that pet ownership can give new situation for owner life and social community. Firstly, pets can become new members herein owner family. Research from Milo's Kitchen Brand home-style dog treats in America, for instance, reveals that majority people think dogs have become such an important part of the family due to dogs have an equal with other family members. This situation can make pets feel love and caring from their owner, and then pets give their love too as a respect. Secondly, for community, they have new friends and new entertainment. They can spend their free time to play around with pets and members of community. Finally, pets can make members relationship in community more better each other. Each member has much time with members of community to discuss about their pets even their life.

Besides can give powerful impact, pet owner also can give negative effects for pets and community. As long pets are kept by owner, it can make pets lost their freedom. Movement space is limited so they can feel not strong as well in wildlife. On the other hand, community life will be felt threat from pets. If pets are not kept in a good way can make the community members are in dangerous. Again, pets also can cause several chronic disease of the human. As a result, this automatically can bother human health. The animal maintenance costs are not cheap. Owner should spend much money to buy pets' daily allowance.

Conclusion is that pets can influence the owner even community life. Pets can make owner and community feel love and new situation due to pet ownership. Besides that, it can give bad impact for health, safety, and money.
Mann_ms   
Oct 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / People should choose their mindset to have a small family to live happier with their wife/husband [2]

, Indonesia's people who start to marriedmarry in youth age, they try to change their mindset

in this part you should remember that "to" followed by Verb 1.

A small family has some advantages, for example : need simple vehicles if want to go somewhere,

a small family also can make give disadvantage also , for example

So , if people have no big family they will not do this good habit to meet each other in (what?).

Hi yulis, try to minimize using word "so" in writing task 2 because that's word prefer to speaking style

Overall, people should choose their mindset to have a small family to make their life happy with their wife/husband, children and increase their prosperous to be better in the future until die.

in part of conclusion, I think you should revise that because I found you put new idea in conslusion. Needless to say, in conclusion, we only write the summary from our writing.
Mann_ms   
Oct 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / Public should care together with government and all participants to solve problems of our planet [2]

Climate change is now an accepted threat to our planet, but there is not enough political action to control excessive consumerism and pollution.
Do you agree?

Climate change has been hot issue discussion in the world. Government and public in all parts of the world attempt to reduce main cause the climate change because climate change become seriously threat to the world in this age. However, one side believes that the political actions are not enough to minimize pollution and consumerism. From my point of view, I strongly believe that all participants should mutually work together to combat pollution and consumerism.

Admittedly, Government, stakeholder, and public in the world hemisphere have been thought how to attack the climate change. Firstly, United Nation with Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) release that polar source project have been developed to reduce emission production. For instance, the mega project will supply electricity for 140 thousand housing in California. This is expected can handle the increasing temperature more than 20 degrees. Secondly, Governments in whole the world develop disposal of industrial process more echo-friendly. Finally, governments in several countries make a policy to reduce using vehicle and to limit using refine fuel oil. This is one of solution to combat emission green house effect as primary cause the climate change.

However, to solve these enormous problems need more extra work and awareness from humankind. Human beings should aware with their environment. People can start to safe planet with reduce using excessive electricity, keep environment clean, and reduce using personal vehicle to control pollution. The other hand, industry also should aware with environment. They should think to develop nature life while build the company. And more important is the government should make effective policy, supporting role, and strict law in order to encourage respect from public to the planet.

To sum up, what have been planned by government to solve climate change cannot be success if only one side who respect with our planet. Governments have been established several alternative manners to handle climate change. As a result, public should care together with government and all participants to solve that problems.
Mann_ms   
Sep 22, 2014
Writing Feedback / Parenting training at school days [IELTS] [Essay2] [6]

Hi Amalxavier...
This is nice topic...
But after I read your essay. we have same problems, determine subject and verb..

for example:
In this sentece you don't put "verb"

but at the same time(adv)extremely(adv)rewarding(adj)job(noun)

position argue in this part unclear. if you use as verb, you should add noun at the firts sentence.But, if you use as noun, you should change with "argument" then add "verb"

Many argue that this preparation ought to begin from school days itself,

each sentece should have at least subject + verb.. so, we must be careful to build sentence :)
but sometimes I forgot to put verb in my sentence too...
Mann_ms   
Sep 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / A famous film star or sports personality enjoy the status of hero worship [IELTS Essay] [7]

I guess the essay should be below format, especially in IELTS:

Introduction paragraph
Body paragraph 1 -3
Conclusion Paragraph

I agree with amalxavier..:)
Before we start to write essay, first of all, make sure with the pattern essay... this can make or guide us easier to write essay.

May I give you some advice?? :)
First Paragraph: Introduction; in this part, you can write your topic in general. then, paraphrase the question and clarify your posistion (which do you choose : that is more benefits or more problems).

Second and Third paragraph: in this paragraph you explain why you choose benefits on problems and give some sample to support your argument.
Fourth paragraph: Conclusion; in this part, you can write summary your essay. (make it short)

My apologies if I make mistake..I'm beginner too..:)
Mann_ms   
Sep 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Writing Task 2- Crime in The World [4]

Crime is a problem all over the world and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Nowadays, Many kinds of problems appear every day. It can be proved that crime is rising significantly year by year. This almost occurs in whole parts of the globe. This phenomena reveals that crime become a crucial problems, and many participants attempt to solve that matters. While many people think that crime can be prevented, I personally argue that crime can be reduced but cannot be stopped.

Admittedly, crime has been occurring till this day. And latest news about the criminal can be seen on television or internet. However, government and many participants make some efforts to fighting crime. Firstly, government which has policy should enforce the law and maintain criminal justice. Corruption Eradication Commission, in Indonesia for instance, is established to eradicate corruptor as perpetrators of human rights. This commission enforces some cases of corruption. Secondly, sexual crime is become serious threat in this age. But, government has been already overcome with create laws regulating sexual activities. If government has not been able to overcome its cases, public and stakeholders should conscious to combat the crime with increase awareness and carefulness. Finally, Cyber crimes become new crime concomitant development technology. Nonetheless, government and stakeholders try to handle with invent cyber security system.

The attempt by all participants on the other hand, still needs to be improved. Such as creating community triggers and creating new regulating laws more assertive. Duo to the crime still breaks out violently, and crime remains increase every day with new kind of crime. Corruption, at the time, still happens rife. From Corruption Perception Index, two-thirds countries in this world indicate seriously corruption problems. This condition proves that commissions need extra works to solve that. Besides that, from institute for security studies, for example, reveals that sexual crime rate steady rise, a rise of about 28 per cent till 37 per cent each year. Even though, the government attempts to handle that, in fact, sexual crime still increase. Following this, although government acts strategic efforts, cyber crime still happen in almost 157 countries in the world, source from Internet Security Threat Reports.

To sum up, crime still occurs almost in all parts of the globe. The crime happens with same cases even new cases every day. Preventing crime is not easy. Government, stakeholders, and publics need considerable effort to reduce that cases, because that is impossible to stop the crime.
Mann_ms   
Sep 20, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ielts: Just like different types of foods, different measures are required to improve public health [5]

The public health problems are receiving more and more attention in recent years. The measures of improving the public health are considered not only by the government, but also by individuals. However, there are two different opinions towards them.

as I know, Intoduction in IELTS writing task 2 consists of several points:
Hook or Lead: to get reader's attention.
Background: to enlarge an argument or parafrase the question.
Thesis statement: to clarify your opinion or choice

And your intro need thesis statement. :)
Mann_ms   
Sep 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Balance Diet; people should pay attention to other aspects for their health [4]

A good consumption food will ensure to get a better health. That is reason, majority argue that health is influenced by balancing food supply. From my point of view, I think, supply nutritions from food not enough. But should balance among diet, sport, and, positive thinking. I argue that its can maintain health because of simple reasons.

That is true that a balance diet can keep a health. Most of kind food contains nutrients that are needed by body. Every type of nutrients from feeding has different function for human body. From food, for example, we can get beneficial carbohydrates, fats, fibers, minerals, calcium, and proteins. Carbohydrate and fat is main resource of energy that we need to support daily activities. Fiber and protein can control weight and aid digestion for optimal health. In addition, mineral water has function in metabolic process.

Besides that, there are several things that should become attention to remain health, doing sports regularly. People who want to keep health, should keep balance between diet and sport. Jogging every morning, for simple example, can keep vitality and can make body refresh. Sports routine also can help to burn fat which cause several diseases like stroke, cancer, and overweight. Another issue is that positive thinking also plays an important role in health. This can handle stress that can blow our mind and body. The acute stress causes a heart attack or something worse.

To sum up, people should pay attention to other aspects for their health. It depends on how the people control their diet, keep vitality with sports regularly, and keep their mind.
Mann_ms   
Sep 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay Task 1: 'popularity peak took place in 1980' - Teenage vegeterians [5]

Overall, vegetarianism was more popular in the twentieth century than it is now.

To sum up, the peak of vegetarianism's popularity among adolescents from UK took place in 1980 and there were almost twice as many vegetarians in 1980 as it is predicted to be by 2020.

* based on my understanding..
In IELTS writing task, if you use overall, you don't need write down the conclusion...
You can describe the conclusion in part of overall..:)

You can use this pattern:

1. Introduction
2. Overall
3. Body Paragraph
Mann_ms   
Sep 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / Keeping dogs and cats as companion. How it influences ownership and the community? [4]

Nice essay...
however, there are several basic that we should discuss..
I hope, we can share each other based on what we've already learned. :)

If I make mistake, My Apologies!!!

In Europe, most of families have pets, such as dogs and cats.

* Maybe, we should be careful to put "comma". If I'm not false, one of function the comma is to mark off a support unit from control unit. from your sentece, I mean that "In Europe such as dogs and cats" == but I have suggestion for you from your sentence, how about this " Most of families, in Europe, have pets such as dogs and cats"

In the fact, pets can be a friendly animal to the people, but also can be dangerous to the people

* based on my understanding, "but also"always integral to "not only"

the writer will explain what is are advantages and disadvantages of having pets.

* you have 2 to be, which one?? :)

Care for each other between pets and ownership are will be ownership will be natural feeling for them

* please try to use another words

having pets also give gives some disadvantages for the animals which are some examples

* give or gives..??

People who having who have pets the fact they lack the animals for freedom and natural habit of them if they do not care with their pets.

* I don't catch what do you mean.
Mann_ms   
Sep 18, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: government should focus on investment both of arts and public service; equally important [3]

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public service instead.
To what extent do you agree with this statement?

=============================
Financial support from government plays an important role for developing country. Many arguments reveal that sponsorship from government should be invested for public service. Whereas, other arguments claim that donate their money for arts is unimportant or useless. However, I personaly argue that stakeholders should allocate their money for both of arts and public services. My inclination is argued further.

Admittedly, there are many reasons why investment in arts does not throw out the money. Firtsly, Many people appreciate arts such as music and theater. For example, That be seen clearly that most of concert musics are packed audience. This condition also we can see in every performing theater. People do not think about ticket's price entrance to get best performance. Secondly, differ with statement that investment in arts is wasting money, art is one of fields which can reach money instead. Concert music, for example, can earn a lot of money from ticket's price because audience should pay expensive for live concert. Finally, Arts act as magnet for tourists. Countries which have great quality of music and best thetaer's performing can make toutist interest with that countries. As a result, many tourist visit that countries, it can increase the income countries.

The other argue that public service should become the main focus investment for government. Standart quality of developing country can be measured by quality of service areas. Transportation and public space are assential facilities, and the most popular than can be used by public. Most of people use public transportatin to make easy when traveling and visiting other areas. Beside that, Majority of public really enjoy to visit the public area such as parks, malls, and conventions. So, government should improve to control the quality of public service for reason confortable. Like arts, great quality of public service can catch the tourist to visit that countries, and automatically this is as measurement that countries concern with quality and service.

Ultimately, government should focus on investment both of arts and public service, because that are equally important. Both of them like an actors and actrees that become magnets for tourist and local public. Having good quality in arts and public service can increase the standart quality of development.(*)
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