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Posts by lacusclyne
Name: luong trung
Joined: Jun 22, 2015
Last Post: Jul 12, 2016
Threads: 16
Posts: 25  
Likes: 11
From: Viet Nam
School: nguyen huu huan

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lacusclyne   
Jul 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / The earth: a living place where neat sceneries and nature's beauty are only part of people's fantasy [2]

... and industrial zones due to the exceedingly hurtful noxious gases of manufacturers being tossemitted into the air

Therefore, earth is considered to be these substances's trash can, hence(...) ->As the passage of time continues its stretching, the great green sphere of space is gradually becoming a trash can, and species living in there are deprived of clean water to drink, fresh air to live, and green places to enjoy due to number of harmful phenomenons such as the green house effect, etc.
lacusclyne   
Nov 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / An in-depth drill in drug abuse - the death toll has been increasing exponentially [2]

Substance abuse- the overindulgence in drugs or other chemical-related products: wine, cigarettes and such - are prevalent in many countries to such an extent that the death toll of drug overdose has been increasing exponentially. This has, fortunately, evoked the general public's sense of responsibility as well as the urgent need for an in-depth drill into the subject matter.

There are many types of drugs that can either be attained at traditional drug stores, to speak in legal terms, or at illegal drug trafficking network, to say it illegally. Most drugs are abusable ranging from the perfectly normal painkillers you take to treat your headache to the illicit heroin and in accordance to their mechanisms are they classified into different catalogues. Depressants, for example, reduce the activity of the central nervous system (also known as CNS) and by thus resulting in the sleepy, relaxed mood and the user feeling less painful. Stimulants, on the other hand, tend to accelerate the working process of the CNS, hence producing the feeling of superiority, overconfidence. There are several reasons as to why people experiment with drugs. Some are driven by the desire for an attractive build with highly-capable physical performance while others use drugs as an escape from the thought-to-be tormenting reality or simply to gain acceptance from their fellow peers.

However, the benefits mentioned above could only last mere hours and many people tend to ignore, rather than being ignorant, the side effects of drug abusing to enjoy such temporary and artificial effects at the expense of their health, privately speaking, and social well-being, generally saying. Just as the term "abuse" implies, drug abuse is a bad habit which firstly hits people under the form of slight symptoms such as dizziness or drowsiness. Such "slightness", when placed under circumstances which require high degree of attention and accuracy, could be catastrophic. An typical of such case is trafficking in which only a small amount of sleepiness could impair driver's judgment, distort their perception of distance and time leading to traffic infraction like lane weaving, or in more serious case, deadly accidents. When this habit becomes compulsive and relapses itself, we then arrive at drug addiction which hamper the addicted person's resistance against the temptation of taking drugs. At a point where the addiction hits its climax, the addicted may act impulsively and may go beyond any means including homicide, hooliganism, robbery, property deviance and so forth only to light of a cigarette or have a sour taste of wine. As a matter of fact, according to NCADD, nearly 50% of inmates in prisons or jails are found clinically addicted and about 3 million violent crimes occur each year in which the convicts are perceived to have been drinking. In the worst scenario involving injection, the abuser is placing himself under high risk of being infected with inject-borne disease such as HIV, which causes immunodeficiency symptoms, or hepatitis B, C if he is using a nonsterilized needle. Another case related to drug abuse is doping in sport which can be defined by the use of anabolic steroid, or other physical-enhancing drugs, to temporarily improve their physical capabilities. While this could benefit athletes by gaining them victory, it has ultimately destroyed our age-old spirit of a fair and square sport and unwittingly convey a dying message: "Being successful is more important than the efforts you have made to get there since any amount of shame or humiliation will all be forgotten once you are successful".

If drug abuse is that urgent an issue, then what can we do to confront it? Decreasing people's dependence on drugs of course! But how? When written, the word "off course" only costs 2 spaces, but in reality, it could weigh thousand kilos. Can we really set a CCTV in each household to supervise drug consumption behaviors? The answer is an obvious "no" since this would invade citizens' code of privacy. But then again, regulating the behaviors of 9 billion - or so people is as futile as counting sand on the beach. Hence, the most practical approach should be reducing drug supply. By saying "reducing", I do not necessarily mean halting the process of pharmaceutical production, but rather destroying the still-operating drug trafficking around the globe. Specifically, a regional, national or international conference could be assembled for an interlock project to combat these illegal networks. Or the governments could enact a policy requiring pharmacists to sell drugs according to the illness and doctors' prescription, not through their demands. So does it really mean that only governments could take an active role and we ordinary citizens could do nothing in this frontline? No, there is still much for us to accomplish. As parents, we can provide support for our children if they are stepping into adulthood since adolescence is the period of disorientation. A single negative emotion could guide our children into the wrong path. As students, we could always stay drug-free by joining educational program, anti-drug abuse movement or social events that could keep our minds occupied and free from bad which may stem from the mood of boredom.

In a socio-economic scenario in which one abnormality in one country could spill over to the other nations, drug abuse is no longer a private problem for any single country, but it is now a global epidemic, one that kills the victims in a painful, gradual and tormenting way, one that, if not dealt correctly, leaves corrosive effects upon the whole community. And lastly, one that requires mutual collaboration from both the governments and individuals in order to be properly contained.
lacusclyne   
Nov 10, 2015
Writing Feedback / Drug and Alcohol Abuse with Teenagers [2]

The public should be informed about the effects of teens that use drugs or alcoholthe effectts of addictive drugs and alcohols on teens in order to createwage up an awareness ofabout the problem for the general citzens in society.

... while they are young and still preparing for the future.

... teenager as their bodies are not fully developedhas yet to develop comprehensively , which increases ...
lacusclyne   
Nov 6, 2015
Scholarship / How computers change our working conditon? [3]

Looking back at mankind history, the Stone Age and Industrialized Age progressively passed leaving behind "inventions" that served as stepping stones for various humankind's historical turning points. And now comes the most anticipated era, the Information Age, an age which is marked by the appearance of the very first electronic general-purpose computer, ENIAC, an age in which computing-the science of cultivating complex capabilities into computers is on the upward trajectory, an age in which computers have greatly revolutionized every facet of our lives, and the most resilient changes could be spotted in current, not to mention the future, working scenario

In order to illustrate this point, we should point our scope into the working environment of factories. Prior to 20th century, even with the newly born diesel and steam engines, production requires the strength of hundred men-or so we call the wage earners and in the face of a huge economic recession in which demand far outstripped supply, unskilled workforce such as children was also involved. Only by looking at the working condition of this time could we really marvel at how drastic a degree have computers changed the way we work. In our time, computers have nearly replaced the standard labor force with a machinery one, rendering factories humming with the sound of mechanical, computer-operating arms. Workers do virtually nothing except for supervising the process. Just imagine that even with such narrow understanding about computer science could bring us this far, then it should not be difficult to visualize the images of future factories. Expanding our view to professional careers, computers have allowed process to be carried out perfectly without making any fatal miscalculations. For instance, the implementation of nanotechnology in medication may promise us a tantalizing prospect in which micro drones are injected into patients' body and via computers doctor can control the movement of these drones to "fix" any abnormalities. Such prospect would mean that surgical procedure could be operated with submillimeter accuracy rendering the patients free of sequel effects without using much time and "mind power".

Another point worth stating out is that computers and social network have opened up a whole new era, the era of "telecommute" in which men, as the tiniest spots of the universe, are nominated into the dominators of nature who could "traverse" through the vast distances which originally could only be crossed by planes or other transports. Also at this point evolve the term "Nomad workers" referring to workers who do not necessarily go to their traditional workplace to work, they could literally work, attend a conference taking place in other countries, communicate with their colleagues anywhere they they like as long as strong internet connection is sustainable.

All things considered, the infiltration of computers into people's lives has truly revolutionized our working condition, eased off the pressure placed on each individual while improving the efficacy of working process. Moreover, thanks to such invention, workers can now be more flexible in the jobs, become proactive in the schedule, and thus, more degree of self-contentment could be achieved.

I know that this essay may contain many errors because of my inexperience. Please evaluate it and check grammatical errors. Thank you!!!
lacusclyne   
Nov 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : The intention of students for schooling. [2]

In Specialist Schools, it remained stable over the period Itwhose percentage stood at 12% in the beginning year, and community schools experienced the same number as it, while Grammar School was twice higher than they hadas high as the 2 former schools . The highest percentage in 2000 belonged to Voluntary-controlled Schools, itwhich had 52%.
lacusclyne   
Oct 28, 2015
Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay: should universities provide their students with a wide range of courses? [2]

It is widely believed that university acts as a means driving individuals toward comprehensive growth, a strong foundation for individuals prosperity and social mobility. However, it is controversial whether universities should only provide students with essential knowledge and skills in their workplace or make a wide rang of knowledge accessible to students, regardless of future use. Personally,i am in favor of the former idea.

On one hand, judging by the present situation, youth unemployment seems to increase at a rapid pace. The main culprit of such phenomenon is believed to be the unpractical and unrealistic curricula provided by universities. As a matter of fact, currently, many universities are forcing their students to take every course they provide, which places a huge psychological burden on students and greatly hamper their educational progress without being useful for their occupational prospective. Therefore, universities should change their management system and focus on providing students with needed skills in the workplace instead. For example, for students who aim to be self-employed in the future, skills related to entrepreneurship should be their main focus. On the contrary, for those who wish to work for a big corporation with international repute, such skills as team-work, critical thinking or problem solving are of great demand and must be enhanced.

On the other hand, this does not necessarily mean that we should overlook other academic subjects because there is rarely any subjects deemed useless in academic environment. In effect, all subjects are interrelated, having understanding of a certain field may construct a strong foundation for the majoring one. For instance, for those who major in literature, history can provide them with useful material for their writings. Therefore, universities should spend a fair amount of resource on those subjects, especially in an era where multi-ability is becoming increasingly important.

In the nutshell, schools should focus on teaching essential skills for future employment without overlooking and forgetting about other subjects.
lacusclyne   
Oct 24, 2015
Writing Feedback / Human intervention vs machines [3]

Human intervention vs machines



With the cultivation of humans' capabilities into machines being on the upward trajectory, there has been a general consensus on the disposal of conventional ways of living. However, from my own perspective, as beneficial as technologies may appear to be, traditional human intervention is still of high demand for the prosperity of the society.

To begin with, there are lots of benefits that we can merit from the integration of technologies and humans' daily life. To be more specific, the infiltration of computers and machines into organizations and factories has automated the production line. And thus, never in mankind history have factories been humbling with the sound of assembly arms which reduces the labor force resulting in the manufacture cost being cut down. This has greatly enhanced public's accessibility to general products regardless of economic hierarchy and or financial background. Extending to humans' welfare scale, the implication of modern technologies into surgery would mean that surgical procedures can now be operated with submillimeter accuracy rendering the patients free of after-effects from the operation.

On the other hand, as far as I am concerned, there are cases in which human intervention is prevailing over technologies with education being a typical case in point. While the implementation of visual aids in classrooms, online search machines and courses could greatly improve educational process, such technologies, however, could not replace traditional lecture halls. Particularly, only teachers could make objective assessment on progress made by each students and thereby devise corresponding teaching strategies and adjust their teaching pace appropriate for the needs of their pupils. Such actions cannot, obviously, be done by mere machines.

To sum up, although the integration of technologies has positively affected every facet of our lives, our conventional ways of living is still dispensable and necessary for the functionality of our community.

I am taking the TOEFL. So I would be grateful if you could rate it over the scale of 30. Thank you!!
lacusclyne   
Oct 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / Disadvantages of watching TV - not only personal scale [5]

Past advancements on the field of technology have given birth to the now-dominant media, television which has changed our lifestyle to a drastic degree. Unfortunately, such changes seem to be leaning to, rather than positive, negative facets whose consequences typically target young viewers.

To begin with, televisions and movies are allowing children's behavior to take a turn for the worse. To be more specific, psychologically speaking, children, from the very moment of their birth, are considered to be blank pages whose codes of conduct are contingent upon other people, not until they are of adulthood do the degree to which they perceive others to develop their traits decreases. As a result, children are the most vulnerable prey to the ever increase in violent and melodramatic contents on television. Early exposure to such harmful elements may interfere with children's cognitive development and render them confused those with the reality, which would subsequently lead to many children mistakenly setting the characters they see as role models resulting in aggressive behaviors and juvenile delinquency being on the rise.

Secondly, watching television may, in some cases, affect students' progress at school. Particularly, the act of watching TV itself in addictive, and with the help from current technologies, viewers' experience is greatly enhanced, which would somehow mean that its obsessive nature could be increased to such an extent that many students may forfeit their schooling and spend most on their time watching TV leading to the downgrade to academic progress.

Another point worth pointing out is that the appearance of TV introduces great threats to people's physical and mental quality. For instance, prolonged period of exposure to the radiation emitted from TV's screen may cause visual impairment or sight-related diseases. What is more, watching TV could undermine people's reasoning skill since all of the information has been prepared beforehand and fully presented, there is no need to have our brain exercised.

To sum up, the damage of watching TV may extend far beyond personal scale. Therefore, we should impose a restriction upon ourselves about the amount of time spent for television everyday.

I would be grateful if you guys could give me some rating over the scale of 30. Thank you!
lacusclyne   
Oct 21, 2015
Writing Feedback / When a country develops its technology, is it pointless to keep old ways of life alive? [2]

"Modern life of 21st century has seen constant integration ..."-> modern life of the 21st century has constantly bore witness to the integration in every facet of our lives, be it personal or professional and we are currently witnessing the decrease in manual labor in related to the progress made by technological field. However, from my own perspective, I believe there still exist a demand for human intervention and traditional ways of life
lacusclyne   
Jul 28, 2015
Writing Feedback / The cultural adaptation is crucial however people should also not forget their own customs. [3]

Many people currently concur with the notion of social integration in a country rather than divide it into different minority groups with their own cultures and traditions. From my own perspective, I believe that cultural adaptation is crucial for people migrating to other countries but they should not forget their own cultures either.

There are several reasons as to why migrants should accept the new cultures as their own. To begin with, many social norms being deemed to be perfectly normal in a country may be found offensive from citizens of the others. For instance, Vietnamese culture has long been famous for its strict codes of clothing. As a result, to some people, it is sometimes unusual to dress in sensitive costumes when traveling in some Vietnamese cultural heritages and relics. Secondly, it is generally true that people being unable to well adapt to a new culture may be rather restricted in exchanging products and services, seminar meetings or gaining understanding and approval from other people. Thus, so as to prosper and survive in a new world, people should accept its culture and traditions.

On the other hand, it is not to say that we should completely forfeit the values of their own cultures. To be more specific, held within each culture is the uniqueness and freshness of the nation of which it is a part of. Hence, it is these elements that decide the distinctive nature of each country, which triggers the need to appreciate and inherit our cultures in order to maintain it, especially in an era when most time-honored traditions are being blurred away by globalization

To sum up, people who move to other countries should do their best to accept the new cultures but they should also maintain the uniqueness and invaluable features of their own cultural heritages.
lacusclyne   
Jul 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / Should we live a simpler life without technology? [2]

To some people, recent booms in the field of technology have allowed environmental problems to take a turn for the worst, therefore, we should maintain a simpler lifestyle. Such opinion is countered by the trend of thoughts that technologies may help solve these problems. The following essay will address both opinions and thereby give my personal feeling.

Supporters of a simpler life with little help from modern technologies point out that the environment is badly impaired by the machines and devices we currently use. For an example, exhaust emitted from cars' engines acts as a central figure air pollution. What is more, we are inhabiting a constantly changing society in which every technology keeps adapting and being revolutionized. For instance, we continuously see the dominance and rapid fall of smart technologies like smartphones. Such phenomenon are thought to create a 'throw-away" society where the life span of a product or invention only extends for several months, which consequently results in over packaging and excessive wastes being disposed and discharged to local ecosystems.

However, technologies also help with the cleansing of our environment. For instance, modern technologies have made it possible to humans to harness renewable and limitless energies like wind, wave and solar that we revolutionize the whole energy industry and initiate positive changes in environmental situation. What is more, advancements in the field of robotics also allow us to make predictions about climate change and get access to some biological, natural disaster sites, the Chernobyl nuclear explosive site provide the best case in point, which are deemed to be fatal to humans.

In brief, technologies, in cases as such, can be two-edged swords which I think the advantages and demerits that they may bring to our Earth may depend upon the way we use them
lacusclyne   
Jul 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS: the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities [4]

your essay is good but it is rather limited in terms of idea.

Other measures to increase public health include imposing levy policies and tariffs on some kind of unhealthy and harmful products such as alcohol, cigarette, and so on.

Public mental and spiritual health should receive more care and concerns which could be done by limiting working hours of employees, open some medical councils and services to deliver stress management
lacusclyne   
Jul 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / The money in sports can be a two-edged sword [2]

As the world rapidly changes, we also undergo great shifts In the field of sports. Initially, record breaking and national pride we primary concerns for most sportsmen. However, currently, the situation has greatly changed as money, fame and self-interests are increasingly being pressed upon. From my own perspective, such phenomenon can directly alter the way we view sports and deliver a strong and penetrating message to young generations.

The appearance of money-oriented sportsmen has, in point of fact, corrupted the whole image of sports itself. Specifically, so great is the temptation of being famous and affluent that many players even resort to illegal means such as performance enhancing drugs, corruption, and so forth just to satisfy their sense of victory. This, unfortunately, has destroyed the idea of a fair and square sport. In addition, as selfishness grows, many players tend to pay no heed or attention to their fellow team mates which can subsequently lead to the dismantling of the whole team or conflicts between fanatic groups and players themselves.

Personally, I believe that such situation conveys a meaningful and profound message which serves as a wake-up call for young people who are still over emphasizing the role of money and material possessions. To be more specific, materials and money can be two-edged swords which, on one hand, can ensure higher living standards as well as afford a desirable life. But on the other hand, sometimes, money can be the end of our normal life, relationship and taint our personalities.

To put it in a nutshell, money can bring benefits as well as blemishes to our society and to ourselves. Therefore, be wise and considering when adopting it as future goals and purposes
lacusclyne   
Jul 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Diarrhea and methods to prevent and cure it! [2]

background of -> background as to why
more than that -> beyond that
make us have dry skin -> drain the moisture of our skin
consuming certain medicines -> misusing certain types of drugs or medicines
lead them towards diarrhea -> directly lead towards diarrhea
lacusclyne   
Jun 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / youth unemployment. Consequences? suggestion? [4]

never in mankind history have we experienced such decline in youth unemployment. This phenomenon, in fact, is detectable throughout the world which leaves scarring effects on our society. In the scope of this essay, I will shed light on the consequences and put forward suggestions

Being young and unemployed can put post graduated students under great financial and psychological pressures. First and foremost, some students usually end up with huge loans in order to pay for their tuition fees in university. Those loans, subsequently combine with future daily expenditures and form a formidable figure. Without a proper job, there would be no way students can cover these expenses without governmental or parental assistances. In addition, youth unemployment can exert negatively impact students spiritual life. We are currently living in a society where social status is commonly identified through careers. Not having a fulfilling and steady job will leave the sense of cultural, social exclusion and inferiority complex, which in turn, takes a huge toll on students mental health.

Far from bringing about personal struggles, this phenomenon can also affect our whole society. Large amounts of students can not get a proper job, thus being unable to apply their knowledge and skills into producing innovations and goods; therefore, causing huge delay in countries gross domestic product and productivity. Last but least, economic deficit may occur in some countries as the money spent on social benefits will rapidly rise and larger than money coming in from taxes

In my opinion, to solve this problem, students should properly integral to labor and workforce. Namely, schools and universities should offer internship and temporary jobs so that students could gradually fit into the working environment and gain more working experience. Furthermore, students should take some time to think about their desirable majors and jobs so as to get better preparation for the upcoming future.

in a nutshell, the issue of youth unemployment should be carefully considered as not only it can damage students mental life, self-esteem and self- image, future employability, but it also does harm to the society as a whole
lacusclyne   
Jun 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / Should we save and restore some languages? [2]

There is nothing unusual about a single or two languages dying. In fact, throughout mankind history, communities and dynasties have come and gone all the time. However, the situation is much different presently, languages are disappearing with a fast pace as a result of unison in trades and cultures. For the very first time, linguists shift their concerns on the survival of some languages. Nevertheless, some people think it is a waste of financial resource, which is countered by the opinion that the alternative may be the end of a community. Whereas both opinions have their own points and reason, in my own perspective, effort should be spared to restore forgotten languages.

People who advocate the funding of government to protect minor languages hold several reasons. Firstly, held within each language is the identity of the community of which it represents. Therefore, it is this factors that decide the distinctive and unique nature of different cultures. What is more, Languages are known to evolve along with the progress made by a community, hence, each historical event leaves large impacts and adaptations on the language itself. For an example, Canadian English, as a matter of fact, holds some similarities with American and Britain English, which indicates the struggling history of Canada striving to escape from the influences of the most powerful nations. And thus, studying those languages may help linguists to figure out the history each nation.

On the other hand, the process of restoration of forgotten languages may be, according to some people, a waste of financial resource and time consuming. Firstly, to restore a language, the community of which it is a part must have the respect for that language itself. With all things settled, there are likely to be a huge need for courses, tutoring and materials. Teachers and linguists have to be deployed to remote areas to search for documents. If the languages is to have a future in computer literacy, basic tasks such as getting the language written down, vocals and intonation recording and grammatical analyzing must be done, which is a huge waste to human and financial resources.

To put it in a nutshell, minor or not, languages do enrich our spiritual life, lift our horizon and improve our cultural enlightenment. Therefore, attempts should be made to save and preserve languages.
lacusclyne   
Jun 28, 2015
Writing Feedback / Are testing and examinations justified? The current system needs some improvements. [4]

Examinations and tests as means of assessment of students' educational process have been widely used and acknowledged for almost hundred years. Personally, I believe that there are lots of merits to be acquired from testing; however, the drawbacks it may pose should not be overlook either.

To begin with, the most obvious advantage of testing and exams is the fact that it allows teachers to get access to students' educational and understanding process. Marks and points in some exams convey a fairly clear view of each student's level as well as the degree to which students understand the subject matter, teachers can thereby employ corresponding teaching strategies suitable for all students. For instance, for those students who have voracious appetite for facts and knowledge, teachers can add some complex information which is nowhere to be found in common textbooks or syllabus. On the other hand, for needy student who have difficulties in grasping basic ideas and structures, teachers may adjust their teaching pace to help them keep up with the others. What is more, examinations and testing also help parents to get a grasp of their children' educational situations at schools to put them under regular supervision if needed be.

On the other hand, examinations and testing, in some cases, may have some flaws and drawbacks. In particular, some students often suffer from mental trauma during exams. In cases as such, exams are no longer a practical and accurate tools to get access to students' levels. More importantly, current testing systems in some countries fail to cover some skills such as presentation, team-work, group discussion which are essential and strongly needed in the workplace. Last but not least, to cope with tests and exams, some students develop a testing technique called short-term memorizing which can only provide them with temporary memory of the subject matter without further understanding of it.

To put it in the nutshell, the benefits of testing can far outstrip its disadvantage. However, with our current testing system, I am afraid that we may not make the most out of it.
lacusclyne   
Jun 27, 2015
Writing Feedback / Insecure feelings in people. Causes and suggestions. [3]

There is a large number of number of people who experience the sense of unsafetiness either at home or when they are out. Personally, I think this issue is very much related to criminal situation social news media which should receive more attention and concerns from both governments and public.

There are several reasons as to why I think this issue has direct connection to criminal rate and information published daily. First and foremost, it is getting harder to get a place in the job market, which demands not only academic knowledge, working experiences and skills but also tech-savviness. Thus, more and more people are being competed and having difficulties in getting and maintaining their position in their current careers. Those who lose in job competition are more likely to be tempted by illegal activities and become criminal, which provides the best explanation for the increasing in criminals every year. Secondly, people's mental and spiritual life are presently continually bombarded by all sort of negative information from news media. Too much exposure to such information can, for most of the time, takes a huge toll on their outlook of life.

Such distressing issue can be addressed by several proactive actions and measures. Governments can decrease the chances at which a normal person could turn into criminals by introducing some policies concerning increasing wages for workers who have financial problems, temporarily exempting them from some unnecessary taxes. Furthermore, publishers and editors should regularly control the contents of social media to make sure that not too much information about the downside of the society is published and broadcast.

In brief, increasing in criminal rates, inappropriate information uploaded by the social media are main precursors to people's feeling of unsafetiness. Thus, Solutions and measures must be carefully considered
lacusclyne   
Jun 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / The controversial issue - how to combine spendings for education with sport and recreation? [6]

i don't think the third paragraph is necessary because you should focus more on explaining why governments should fund recreation activities and sports

On the other hand, sports and recreational activities are two basic and typical needs of humans that should receive more public and governments attention. In particular, TV programs and amusement parks have recently declined in terms of quality which are not attractive enough to leave good images and impression on players, viewers and tourists. When it comes to sport, to nurture a potential sport team, large amount of money should be spent on players' diets, training facilities. And beside that, sport players should be paid daily as they play for the sake of their countries' images.
lacusclyne   
Jun 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / The controversial issue - how to combine spendings for education with sport and recreation? [6]

"Secondly, we should award to the students [...]

Governmental funding can also serve as a form of incentive for those students who gain great achievement during the semesters. For an example, at the end of each semester, governments should provide schools with money to award students and encourage them to further their study. Moreover, many children in some countries cannot schools tuition fees because of chronic diseases, financial and family problems. In this case, investment from governments may help them to receive education as other children do.
lacusclyne   
Jun 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / The controversial issue - how to combine spendings for education with sport and recreation? [6]

"In the first place, as you know, they usually say [...]"

As the saying goes, "children are owners of one country", we need to provide students with best working and studying environment, which can be done in several ways. First, we could use government funding to upgrade schools' infrastructure and facilities. As a matter of fact, it has always been desirable to study in a school where every facility there is cutting-edge and can meet with students'demands. To be more specific, it would be good to add a high-tech library into campus so that students can get access to all sort of information they want and conduct self or group study after school. Secondly, we could provide students with private computers or tables which can support remote learning to erase the barriers of distances and help them be more proactive in their schedule
lacusclyne   
Jun 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / Traffic problems - a headache issue that we have to solve right now for the society development [8]

Time wasted for traffic congestion is harmful for our work, especially in a world that discipline in workplace is becoming increasingly important. Secondly , people's awareness towards traffic-related problems is not well-nurtured enough to strictly uphold traffic rules and laws. Without the appearance of cop, numerous participants traffics drive dangerously, which sometimes results in fatal accidents . Secondly , the unpredictable sharp rise in petrol price, which is the major culprit of increasing in vehicles, render lots of people to be confused when choosing a means of transportation.

there you go. Your essay is much better now
lacusclyne   
Jun 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / Traditional library vs internet - what should be more supported? [3]

In traditional sense, most libraries serve as huge storages of books and materials from different ages. Therefore, to libraries advocates, efforts and money should be invested to upgrade it. However, opponents of library investment often point out that we can always access to those materials online, any further investment would be wasting of financial resource. In the scope of this essay, I shall analyze both views and give my own opinion.

According to people who object investing more money into libraries assert that with the appearance of internet, the role of traditional libraries is completely dispensable. Firstly, internet could serve as a virtual library which has nearly limitless storage capacity and can store infinite number of books and materials. Secondly, we can get all sort of information we want on the internet without having to strictly comply with working hours as we have to in traditional libraries.

On the other hand, libraries advocates believe that libraries also serve as ideal study environments rather than just storages of books. In fact, most students choose libraries for their workshop, assignments and research. Furthermore, as unlimited a storage as it may be, internet can only store those materials under the forms of numerical data, which are clearly not as valuable as the original manuscripts or materials which are deemed as archeological artefacts and can only be stored in libraries. As a matter of fact, the biggest library hold over thousands of books that are passed down from generation to generation. Last but not least, information stored in libraries under the forms of books and manuscripts is widely accepted as universal truth, which is exactly opposite in case of the internet where a large amount of information exists as personal ideas and opinions

To sum up, I strongly think that more effort and money should be spent on upgrading the infrastructure of those libraries and help them operate more efficiently
lacusclyne   
Jun 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / Traffic problems - a headache issue that we have to solve right now for the society development [8]

Time wasted for traffic jam is harmful in the fast paced world we live ->]time wasted for traffic jam is harmful to our work, especially in a world that discipline in workplace is becoming increasingly important

One more thing, people's thought is not good enough to obey to traffic rules well ->Last but not least, people's awareness towards traffic-related problems is not well-nurtured enough to strictly uphold traffic rules and laws

appearing ->appearance
the rapid rise in petrol, the major fuel of great deal of vehicles, is hard to guess. It causes great number of people have a headache when they choose the way to join traffic -> the unpredictable rise in petrol price, which is the major culprit of increasing in vehicles, render lots of people to be confused when choosing a means of transportation

that is just what i think. Good luck with your exam
lacusclyne   
Jun 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / Traffic problems - a headache issue that we have to solve right now for the society development [8]

I think if I were you, i would you traffic congestionin stead of traffic jam
-The uneven development of social and physical facilities brings us a drawback that road quality improving do not meet vehicles number increasing -> the uneven development of social and physic facilities is, in some cases, a major drawback for traffic situation as the improvement in road quality does not meet with the ever increasing in number of vehicles

- world we live ->world that we are currently inhabiting
lacusclyne   
Jun 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / What should be taught in universities? [3]

It is widely believed that university acts as a main drive for economic growth, a strong foundation fo individuals prosperity and social mobility. However, it is controversial whether universities should only provide students with essential knowledge and skills in their workplace or make knowledge accessible to students, regardless of future use. Personally, i strongly think universities should concentrate their main concern on students employability.

Judging by the present situation, youth unemployment seems to increase at a rapid pace. The main culprit of this phenomenon is believed to be the unpractical and unrealistic curricula provided by universities. Therefore, universities should change their management system and focus on providing students with needed skills in the workplace. To be more specific, for students who aim to be self-employed in the future, skills related to entrepreneurship should be their main focus. On the contrary, for those who wish to work for a big corporation with international repute, such skills as team-work, critical thinking or problem solving must be enhanced.

This does not necessarily mean that we should overlook other academic subjects because there is rarely any subjects deemed useless in academic environment. In effect, all subjects solve different purposes, which, at some point of our life, may be useful. For example, for those who major in literature, history can provide them with useful material for their writings. Therefore, universities should spend a fair amount of resource on those subjects, especially in an era where multi-ability is becoming increasingly important.

In the nutshell, schools should focus on teaching essential skills for future employment without overlooking and forgetting about other subjects.
lacusclyne   
Jun 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Music and sports are not important in school [3]

It's common to see-> it it socially normal in the fact that
which will cause the additional expenditure and low efficiency of the whole society-> which will create additional expenditures and may act as a deterrent for the productivity and growth of the whole society.

Just my opinion. Hope it will help
lacusclyne   
Jun 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Criminal habitual relapse. Cause and suggestions [4]

Recent research show that the majority of criminals in some countries show sign of recidivism even after sanction and incarceration are imposed on them. The following essay will discuss about possible factor that contribute to such criminal habitual relapse and also put forward some suggestions for the problem.

There are many factors regarding this issue. However, the most obvious contributor to recidivism is the difficulties that those released offenders have to face in getting a job. The world is continuously changing with a fast pace, those who cannot adapt with such pace are not likely to thrive and survive in this society. In case of these offenders who are incarcerated for year without any interaction and contacts with the outside world. Therefore, they often lack general knowledge as well as skills which are essential in working environment. Moreover, companies are becoming increasingly strict with conviction, which can clearly be seen in their monthly criminal background checks and the disqualification of ex-convicts in job interviews. As a result, many criminals, especially property offenders, often end up relapsing their crimes and return to jail

.
To solve the problem, governments around the world should, in fact, fix their policies and laws concerning incarceration. To be more specific, they should stop focusing on keeping those offenders away from the society but rehabilitate and educate them instead so that when they are set free, they can be treated as normal citizens who have the right to vote and choose their careers. As for normal people, we should not express prejudiced and biased manners against them so that they do not have to feel the sense of isolation and alienation.

To sum up, the problem of recidivism is a depressing one that needs great collaboration between governments and normal individuals.

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