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Posts by fauziyahtami
Name: Fauziyah
Joined: Sep 26, 2016
Last Post: Oct 31, 2016
Threads: 22
Posts: 38  
Likes: 6
From: Indonesia
School: University of Indonesia

Displayed posts: 60 / page 2 of 2
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fauziyahtami   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Shadow on the South China Sea [4]

Helo erwin,
Hope you doing well, let me give you several suggest
Please kindly check it out.

==>The second is about the spaces inbetween /(of) the tiny islands and that predominantly concerns ...
==> This was no country consistently occupied or administered them(No countries stood on their area) . The bureau did not have the means(permission) to assess the islands itself ...

In this case, maybe you can extend the summary by sharpening and deepening the main idea
Good Luck and keep fighting
Best regards, Tami :)
fauziyahtami   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 - the proportions of students attending [4]

Helo Abraham,
Hope you doing well, let me give you some input.
Please kindly check it out

==> ... attending in 4 different educational institutions (.)(New sentence)are the specialist, grammar, voluntary-controlled ...(this sentence is too long, maybe you can make it short)
==> ... educational institutions the total of presented students decreases (ed) over the time.
==> By contrast, (school) community school has a significant increase ...

==> To begin (First/ at the beginning), voluntary was the dominance in pupils attending at 52%(I'm sorry, I did not get what you mention) , compared by (the) grammar which ...

==> ... although it showed a slight decrease(d) to 38% and followed by (the) grammar which (...) was the least decrease which only by(at) 1%.

In this case, maybe you can give the table, it will help to correct your work

Good luck and keep fighting
Best regards, Tami :)
fauziyahtami   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED summary: How does my brain work? [2]

When we park a car in the parking area then we walk into the mall and back, we have to remember where is the car. The hippocampus has memorizing responsibility. Brain made by a hundred billion neurons. Neurons communicate with each other by sending a signal. There is a brain research with rat, that shows the way brain remembers. Brain cells illustrated in the picture with colors. When a rat was put into the box and let move around to looking for food, cells show something like a fire sort but when the box expands the fire location are expanded. In a border puts into the box, fire sort will emerge at the location where the border. There are few cells consist boundary cells, place cells, grid cells, head-direction cells, visual imagery. All the cells are connected to make a pattern like a map. The brain will make a map of a place by exploring around. The brain will record every boundary, the more spacious a location the more fire sort are made. We could people to remember a way or place by walking around.
fauziyahtami   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary- China wants its nuclear industry to grow dauntingly fast [2]

Nowadays, China's utility is quite high. Due to the fact that energy consumption will increase dramatically in 2030 as a prediction. The government planned to expand nuclear power massively. China started their first nuclear plant in 1994. China has 36 reactors in operation and 20 else under construction. Four have been approved and the others still in the planning stages. By 2030, China targeted to increase their nuclear power up to 9%. Nuclear generation capacity will have increased eightfold over the same period.

After Fukushima disaster in 2011, the Chinese authorities halted the nuclear project. They asked the government to check safety system of a nuclear plant. This year, Government had resolved to take care of its nuclear-energy programme. Government ambitious to reduce pollution in china by reducing greenhouse-gas emissions and ambition to expertise in nuclear, so they need to emerge their nuclear.

Chinese are happy that they will have friendly environment power, but they demand safety system. Early this year, the government acknowledge that its safety system still inadequate. In April, a national nuclear safety system was revealed. Debora Selingohn of the University of California said that she believes that government can keep and handle safety standard tightly.
fauziyahtami   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / African social dance which influenced the world [2]

Helo
Let me help you to correct your summary, here my suggestion

==> This dance ....... dance belong to (a) group.
==> Actually, many type(s) of this dance, Brown said more less (than) thirty motions are (...) and Afro-American. but ==> (New sentence) to make it simply, I(In this case) I (only) took only two examples; Charleston and Hip-hop.

==> Those dance(s) more popular among Africa(n) people .
==> Charleston is (a) complex dance that need(s) more improvisation while hip-hop which it is happening in the world.
==> From Teenager to adult like this danceuntil old people are dancing this.

==> In question is why social dance ...(The question is why is social dance so popular in Africa?)
==> ... slavery affected suffering to African people .
==> By dance(dancing) they (can) express and protest ...
==> As result, dance took ....... African dance make(s) boundaries blurred.
==> These dance (This dance / these dances)(aim) to express in(their) social relation, intimacy and freedom.

Good luck and keep fighting
best regards, Tami :)
fauziyahtami   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of article Bouncy bone can be 3D-printed to become a universal repair kit By Andy Coghlan [3]

Helo ivan,
Hope you are in a great condition
You are done great, let me give you some suggest

==> Medical prespective (Perspective ) which ........t 3D-print flexibe (flexible ) bone.
==> Either way, this material is rather frigile (fragile ) because
==> i can not to be remodelled during which.
==> student at Universuty (university ) of Northwestern, have developed advance ink (had developed advance ink )

you seem done many typos, this sounds unimportant but this is quiet interfere your IELTS score, you have to check your word first before post

Good luck and keep fighting
Best regard, Tami :)
fauziyahtami   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Suzanne Simard: How trees talk to each other (TED Summary) [4]

Haloo sar,
Hope you are in a great condition, let me give you some suggest

==> (The/a) forest is not only about trees, (...) system that (which) connected(to) each other.
==>research discovery by (a/the) scientist while it present ...
==> She shared her story (about) when she was in Canada.....
==> ........ main building from (at/ in) the forest.
==>(The) Objects in her study were ......
==> ...... not a linkage (to) each other.
==> As an(a) conclusion, she explained about (the) correlation between (...) and climate change, in (at) the end

Good luck and keep fighting
Best regards, Tami:)
fauziyahtami   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 1- Energy Generation by Fuel Type [3]

The pie charts illustrate about energy generation by fuel type in Florida in two separated years. Overall, the charts show the trend fuel in 2007 and trend prediction in 2017. It is clear that Natural gas is the most popular fuel in 2007 and is predicted will ascend in 2017, whereas renewables at the lowermost.

In 2007, Florida Natural gas consumption is less than two-fifths, and the amount of Natural gas by average Florida predicted will rise to just over a half in 2017. During the same period, Nuclear utilizing is predicted will climb from 11,9 percent to 15,9 percent.

By 2017, several consumption of energy is predicted will be plummeting. Coral consumption is depicted to descend to approximately 23,7 percent. On the other hand, renewable has a very small number and will plunge to 1,5 percent in 2017. Other energy estimated to sharp drop from just over one in ten to less than one in twenty, while oil plunge to a small number.




fauziyahtami   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary --- How Exercise Helps You Age Better [4]

Helo fox,
You've done great. I had some suggest for you

==> ... for older people usually only helps help them to avoid ...
==> ... initial onset of disability but was also effective in promoting ...
==> ... in Preventing subsequent episodes of disability." (Gill continued )
==> ... that exercise can also help them to spend time with useful activities.
==> ... recover faster if they suffered (an ) injury to their health.

Good luck and keep fighting :)
Best Regards, Tami
fauziyahtami   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary-Immortalising Human Brains at The World's Largest Brain Bank [4]

Nowadays, In the medical field, they used to using brains for medical research. They need a fresh brain that has to arrive in 24 hours after died at least. Jorge Tejada and his team had found effectively frozen brain. The process takes about 17 hours since the moment of death until arriving at McLean Hospital and have to be removed intact and transported rapidly.

First, a brain is weighed, after that then sliced in half rinsed in sterile saline. There are two different way treatments. A half brain sliced from front to back and the cerebellum (key structure) removed. The slices placed into two plates and directly frozen using a cocktail of dry ice and liquid nitrogen. This way aims to minimize tissue damage. The frozen slices are then saved into deep freeze until needed. The other hemisphere is treated for examining and dissect needs. The hemisphere is soaked in formalin for few weeks.
fauziyahtami   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / How to speak powerfully to make changes in the world. [3]

TED Summary- How to speak so that people want to listen

The human voice is the most powerful sounds in the world. How to speak powerfully to make changes in the world. There are number of habits that we can avoid. First gossiping, speaking about the others flaw. Second, judging, people who judge the others is hard to be heard. Third, negativity, someone who had negative thinking will be hard to be listened. Forth, Complaining, people who always complaining cannot look for good reasons in their life. Fifth, Excusing, they are blaming on everything, put the responsibility to another people and then take the rest. Sixth, lying, people do not want to hear to something untruth. Seventh, dogmatism, it is difficult to be heard. The thing we could do to be more powerful to speak is to greet or acclaim enthusiastically. First, Honesty, being true and clear. Authenticity, just be yourself and standing in your own way. Integrity, being what you said. Love, wish them well, you will be hard to judge other people.

Lower your voices which mean you can associate powerful. Timbre, The way your voice feels like smooth and warm, you can practice making your voice comfortable to be heard. Prosody, root one for a conversation, makes a conversation more colorful and sometimes makes some divergent meaning. Pace, affect the speed of understanding. Pitch, attract people concern to you. Volume, some people ascend or descend their voices to pay attention. Be a powerful speaker and get convince listener, means creating and receiving.
fauziyahtami   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary article_Happy People Make Their Spouses Healthier [3]

Helo david,
you have done great, let me give you some suggest

... study about why people whose (who had a )partner are happier likely to be healthy.
... until 2012(.) and found the result shows that married couples who are informed are a happier spouses also noticed by havefeeling better better feeling they had after.

Good Luck :)
Best regards, Tami
fauziyahtami   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary of TED The secret, social lives of bacteria (Bonnie Bassler) [4]

Helo ivan,
You have done great but let me give you some advice

... the earth contain only (a ) few genetic materials, is (had ) known as Bacteria.They are (a) single cell with (...) all of the traits to be heritaged (inherited) and expressed(They are a single cell with special property and genes that combine into trait code and then will be inherited and expressed.

They play important roles to (the) human being (...), and even theeducate (this word sounds little bit strange, you may use another word like trigger, push, thrive etc) our immune systems to recognize the dangerous bacteria (if you use "and" you have to use equivalent word and cannot give explanation only for one word like you did for immune system, you can make any sentence to explain it) ==>Immune system has responsibility tokeep (fight ) dangerous out of our body. moreover, they can defend and restrain human body from danger-threatening disease (you have explained before, chose the sentence, which one you wanna use). 99% part of (the ) human anatomy is contained by them and seems like invisible body armor which shield our body from something dangerous (you have explained before, you can summarize three sentences above into one sentence clearly ).

... can regulate their social live (life ) ?.
... ocean bacteria named Vibrio fischery (typo fishery ), illuminating bacteria, which ...

Good Luck :)
Best regards, Tami
fauziyahtami   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The hidden light of Afghanistan (TED Summary) [4]

Helo fauzan
I will try to give you some suggest

Million people died and deportated (typo deported) have successfully spend most of citizens in this country (your sentence is unclear, you can give more explanation ; if you use "and", you have to use equivalent word, died people cannot spend their life in the country like deported people, my suggestion is you can make another sentence instead to explain the deported people for example The survivors spent their whole life in this country or in Afganistan).

... lose their humble and kind hearted (this sounds little bit strange, maybe you can use another word like feeling or characteristics) behind (maybe you can use another word like after) of the destruction. They still share their tea, breads (pieces of bread ) and prayer (tea, bread and prayer are not equivalent, use another word or close the sentence and make another one instead to explain prayer ) to other people even foreigner that come (came ) to their country.

... and struggle of people who (that ) always ready to (be) attacked by Taliban ...
Thank you Ms. Bulaj to share us (for sharing us ) (about ) the hidden light of Afghanistan.

Good Luck :)
fauziyahtami   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / THE NUMBER OF FOREIGN STUDENTS HAD INCREASED SIGNIFICANTLY AND IT HAD BEEN DOMINATED BY MALE. [4]

The bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying computer science at a UK university between 2010 and 2011

The bar chart presents the number of students studying computer science at the university in Britain from 2010 to 2012. Overall, it can be seen that there are two kinds of students: British home students and International students. British home students dominated quantity of computer science students in the UK for three years in both of females and males.

Between 2010 and 2012, British's home female students had the highest number in 2012 at 45 percent while the lowest number in 2010 around 30 percent. In the opposite, International students had dramatically lower than native students. Females who were studying abroad increased steadily from less than 15 percent (2010) to 20 percent (2012).

In 2011, British male home students had the lowest proportion. By 2012, the number of male students came from British country had increased from less than 25 percent in 2011 to the highest proportion at approximately 43 percent. On the other hand, International male students climbed from 20 percent in 2010 to nearly 40 percent in 2012.




fauziyahtami   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Comparing car theft - numbers of robbed vehicles in different countries [4]

Helo rizal, you have done great
I have some advice for you

..., in the last year on 1999 (using in for indicates year).
... two peak points in the 1992 and 1996 (in 1992 and 1996 ) to almost 20,000 vehicles ...
... movement in which the number of car(s ) robbed intersected with Sweden in the 1991 (in 1991) then finally ...
The next illustration, cars robbed in Sweden always increased (you can also use increased steadily or increased gradually or rose ) from the first year from more ...

Good luck :)
fauziyahtami   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Anthony Goldbloom's new perspective on what machines can and can't do [4]

Hi Ledha, you have done great
I will try to give you some suggest

... of machine learning and it brings together hundreds of thousands of experts to solve important problems for ... (you can change the position it brings hundreds of thousands of experts together to solves important problems for ...

... 10.000 essays over a 40 years (you do not have to add a ) career, an Ophthalmologist s...
... against machines, however (you have to add (,) ) there are things that a machine can't do. One of them is tackling a novel situations (it's singular when you use a and plural for situations . It doesn't (isn't ) capable to handle (you can change capable of handling ) thing they haven't seen ...

good luck :)
fauziyahtami   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of export commodities and service from Someland in one decade [2]

Halo, you have done great
I will try to give you some advice

The bar chart shows (you can use another word like describes, presents, indicates etc) the number of export ...
However, the dairy products had a slight (you can change into slightly ) different proportion from ...

In the 2005 (you do not have to use the ), the rate of international travel ...

good luck :)
fauziyahtami   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / In 2015 export of dairy products had dominated comparing to other products [2]

Halo, you have done great
I will try to give some advice

... exports of Someland which devided (typing error divided ) into two earner (plural you should have to add (s )): product, meat and dairy; international tourism.
In 2005 meat product (you could added 's' if it's for more than one product) decreased gradually from ...
On the another product (s ), dairy product had fluctuated (...); 2015, increasengly (typo increasingly ) to point 8 USD and the prediction decreased steadly (typo steadily or steady ) into approximately 7,8 USD.

It rose gradually, stood at about (...) rise of international tourism wiil be happened (happening --> using future continous) in 2025 at around 8 USD (you can directly say "around 8 USD")

Thank you :)
fauziyahtami   
Sep 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / In 1981 butter was the most popular spread among others [2]

The graph below show the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph shows the information about the consumption of 3 spreads from 1981 to 2007. Overall, there are three spreads: margarine, low fat & reduced spreads and butter. It is noticeable that butter was the most popular of the three spreads in 1981.

Between 1981 until 1986, Butter consumption increased from around 140 to a peak 160 grams per year. During the same period, consumption of margarine decreased from around 90 to 80 grams per year while low fat & reduced spreads had not consumed yet until 1996.

By 2007, butter had significant descended since the first year. The highest consumption of spread is low fat and reduced spreads that had significant rose since the 1960's, to approximately 70 grams per year. The second place, occupied by butter with approximately consumption 50 grams per year. The lowest consumption of spread is margarine with average consumption 40 grams per year.



  • Line chart

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