Writing Feedback / How Writing Changed the World. [2]

Spoken languages were used thousands of years before languages began to be written.

People have been now using written language for many millennia .---Is this a word?

Writing is the visual recorded language and it is peculiar to the human species (education.yahoo.com).

The stylus was a wedge-tipped stylus, and was used to push into the clay to create wedge shaped (cuneiform) signs (crystalinks.com).

The scribes, like any craftsmen, had to undergo training, and having completed their training andbecame entitled to call themselves dusar, "scribe" (Walker C.B.F).

The story of decipherment of cuneiform starts in the eighteenth century with travelers visiting the ruins of Persepolis, in modern day Iran (walker C.B.F).

The direction of writing was originally from top to bottom, but for reasons unknown, it changed to left to right very early on (ancientscripts.com).

Not only was there a direction change, but all the symbols were flipped a full 90 degrees at that time (Wikipedia.org).

There are many things that would have never happened if writing wouldn't havehad not been invented.

Important documents such as the Declaration of the Independence or the Bible would never have been written.

Writing has enabled humankind to record things.

Interesting essay! I hope this helps!

:)

Undergraduate / "My Summer of 2010" - Common App Personal Essay [3]

Where it says 'think' up at the top was a mistake on my part, I don't know how that word ended up there. I just wanted to clear that up, because it looks like I was saying 'think' to you, implying I thought you did not think about what you were writing. :)

Undergraduate / 'Architecture is something' - my "why tulane" essay [3]

Over the past few months, I have spoken with architects and taken an architectural drawing independent study, in hopes of gathering information about the field.

Tulane is known for the quality and passion of their professors as well as their focus on undergraduate students.

Because I have only recently decided to further my studies in architecture, I fear I don't have a portfolio or technical drawing skills comparable to other students.

Spending time in an environment like that would make me glow like a kid on Christmas morning, and just thinking about it makes me so excited!

With all of the offerings close by, Tulane still boasts one of the most beautiful campuses, and has some of the best facilities.

I love the community service programs and cultural diversity the school provides, as these two things are a big reason why I opted to...

I want it to be part of the Green Wave community so badly.

After reading your essay, I want to go to school there too! Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Undergraduate / Forgiveness - issue of importance to you [6]

Through our experiences, we learn great lessons and become better people or we allow negative experiences to consume us in a way that we inflict pain onto others.

I started to feel uncomfortable and decided to distance myself from him.

The next morning I woke up to what was to be the beginning of a yearlong nightmare.

They were inquiring about sexual services they had read about online that I was offering.

I knew it was he who had put such information online.

After it all stopped, I thought I could finally go back to my normal life, but it was difficult.

They were appalled with atby my decision.

I felt like I'd made him do the things he was doing.

His unfortunate past may explain his actions but didn't excuse them .---This is so important and true!

I had to make the commitment to myself, that nothing was going to have power over my life.

You are very insightful and intelligent. Your essay is great. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Writing Feedback / 'debate of modern genetic development' - AP English Analysis Essay [2]

Had he arranged the opposing quotes first, the reader would understand them to mean that eugenics development is inevitable, ...----Should this word be 'was'?

To further emphasize his point, Mitchell concludes his editorial by switching to a subdued and careful tone.

In the body, he uses a satirical tone, which was created by incorporating sarcastic diction together with the careful arrangement that compels readers to focus on his purpose.

Your essay is amazing, very well written and set up. I could hardly find anything to correct! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Band Team Leader' - participation in extracurricular activities [2]

In doing so, I not only recycled clothing that would have otherwise gone to waste in the back of a closet and eventually, the bottom of a landfill, but also the compassion of the members in my community.---Are you saying that you've recycled the compassion of people?

Just a few of my responsibilities, were instructing the freshmen, making...

Through this experience , I believe one of the most important things I've learned is simply that patience is vital.

... the band better as a whole, but it helps to avoid needless tensions and conflict.

I also experienced first-hand, how, as the saying goes, 'a chain is only as strong as its weakest link.'

I hope this helps!! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Letters / Motivation-to aid in the promotion of environmentally responsible business practices. [3]

As the recognition of the concept is getting clearer and clearer, the concept is being focused more. and more.

The CEM students' career stories have also inspired me and engendered my interest in an environmentally (responsible?) business career.---There's a word missing there.

Some of them have a business academic background just like I do, and they manage their jobs well with the knowledge provided by the program.

Besides, the graduates in CEM have plenty of employment opportunities in the environmentally business field. I can not help thinking why I do not take this opportunity to deepen my knowledge and start a career in this field that I like?

My practical trainings in Rovaniemi attests to my communication and language skills which is essential in my opinion when studying in CEM and working after graduating from the program.

I have lived in Finland for (?) years and I manage the Finnish language, which is also a reason why I want to go back to study in Finland.

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / FIRST ROBOTICS EFFECTS-Common App Short Response [2]

The robot glides forward, effortlessly sucks up a ball, and shoots.

Such simple actions drew me into the most complex sport in the world; FIRST Robotics.

I walked into our school's inaugural Robotics meeting in a state of occupational purgatory :---I love this!!

I had absolutely no idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up.

FIRST facilitated the discovery of my passion, as much as it has allowed me to evaluate my weaknesses.

Throughout my years of bouncing around from different sub teams, FIRST was always a source of intellectual thinking and, as the organization puts it, hard fun.

So, as I finally settle down with my robotics experience in PR, video, and fundraising, I still find myself anticipating each robotics meeting in order to help my team, and myself, excel in pursuits on and off of the playing field.---I just added those 2 words because I thought it would sound good, but you don't need them.

Robotics sounds like a lot of fun! Good luck with school!~

:)

Undergraduate / Why university of Chicago for Mongolian student? [3]

In my childhood, I had never envisaged myself, studying in US; that is until my brother went to US via the "Work and Travel" student program.

Upon his return, he fascinated me with his impressions of Chicago city and the experiences he had there.

Meeting many people from various countries - even I hadn't heard some of them before - was one of the most intriguing aspects of his experience.

Since my interest is in computer science, my goal is to contrive efficient products which are for no charge at all like ...

It will assist Mongolians to eschew from illegal, pirated softwares and encourage them to do what they are really interested in .

Also I've always pondered why the notable-tech-innovators are from the US for the most part.

Then I found out that higher-education in US, intense technology usage, and diversity, were the key factors.

As a prestigious university, the University of Chicago provides all of them sufficiently.

Finally, not only will I aim for the better, but also I will open paths for others like me so that other people see the vision I have at the present and for the future.

I hope this helps! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Sun, sand and sea' - Describe the world you come from - MIT Essay [3]

However, what I remembered most vividly is the long sand bank on the beach near my house.

Every morning, there was this sand bank forming on the beach that little children loved to slide on. it.

I was intrigued by the mysterious, consistent appearance of the sand bank and wanted to know how it was formed. I took a different approach - reading.---This sentence doesn't belong right after the previous one. 'A different approach' from what?

During my free time, I sneaked ---Why did you have to sneak?---into a small library across the street and delved into books about science and natural phenomena.

Other than the sand bank, another aspect of Nature that has enthralled me are the starry nights, a privilege of a rural town.

Kerteh will always be close to my heart, as it has not only shaped my aspirations but has also defined my character as someone who is forever inquisitive.

I hope this helps! Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Graduate / 'a scrupulous chemistry teacher in a middle school' - sop for PhD in material [2]

I liked the first paragraph because it shows you as a human being with personality, honesty, and a sense of humor! It really does make your essay stand out, as it is not all technical...you come across as someone we all can relate to! Really, I think your essay is fine the way it is.

:)

Graduate / 'accounting interests me'-motivations for MAcc & how this program fits in career goal [4]

Actually, I think this is fine the way it is. It shows your intelligence and maturity, and also how serious you are about your studies.

:)

Undergraduate / 'Energy is the basis' - M.Sc. Petroleum Engineering [4]

Energy is the basis of the industrial age, and modern civilization depends mainly on petroleum and its' products, to provide this energy.

Gas flaring and oil spillage are significant challenges in the petroleum industry, which affect the sustainability of the environment and this has raised major issues in the world diplomacy.

Though the act(problem?) of gas flaring can be harnessed and put into judicious use in the creation of energy, most developing countries either do not have the required facilities to carry out the control or they are oblivious to the fact that flared gas can be put to such usage.

With my ability to learn and comprehend quickly , the desire to improve my immediate environ coupled with the world, and ...

The experience I've gathered through internship with a bulldozer firm has been of immense contribution to my further understanding of the principles of fluid mechanics and viscous flow theory.

The law of Bernoulli was put into practice here and the aspect of pressure changes at bends and contractions was better understood.

This law, I believe, will be of tremendous help in understanding the transportation/flow of natural gas in pipes.

They'll be lucky to have you as a student! Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / 'My brother breathes life into our home' - UMBC ESSAY [6]

It is a problem our family has known of since he was about four-almost 15 years ago.

As he and his vocabulary grew, another aspect of the autism package came to light.

During one of these sessions, he typed, "real communication is not what I have; I listen to others thinking of what I might say but I never get to say it."---This is amazing!

Since then, my eldest sister has pursued a career in psychology , and currently works as Paul's personal therapist.

Paul is my dog's friend, my mother's happy helper, my father's pride, my sisters' inspiration, and my reason to pursue a fulfilling engineering career.

This is great, but you should really elaborate a little on how an engineering degree would help people with autism, as it's a little unclear. Good luck in all you do! One of my favorite people is autistic, and if I were to ever be stranded on a deserted island with just one companion, it would be him, as he knows everything!

:)

Undergraduate / 'religious journey to Mecca, Saudi Arabia' - Common App Essay--Experience and Impact [3]

Often, I had imagined the beautiful topographic images of Mecca as only a place where hundreds of thousands of Muslims gathered to pray.

The massive construction projects taking place in the Holy City outside of the mosque inspired me to ponder upon the simple structure of my own existence and how I could reconstruct the countless bits and pieces of my life to better myself.

Since birth, my parents have instilled the strict practices of Islam into my everyday life, and I have rarely been presented with the opportunity to engage in something different.

For this reason, I challenge myself every day ---Two words here.--- to learn something new about world issues, politics, cultures and religions through my everyday experiences both inside and outside of the classroom.

My journey to Mecca has inspired my greater desire to traverse the world from the city where I have established my own psychological and physical home, and explore cultures that are completely foreign to me.

My new involvement in local projects and communication with all these new, diverse acquaintances have allowed me to accomplish my goal of broadening my horizons within my home while concurrently exploring the world.

I hope this helps! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Parliamentary debate' - Bowdoin: Intellectual Engagement [2]

...English Parliament; however, the room was decorated with colorful posters, and the audience (including me) was made up of 16-18 year olds sitting either on kindergarten-sized chairs or cross-legged on the rugs.

It was the final round of the(?) Parliamentary debate at the IISPC, an international high school debating tournament, and the room was packed full.

Most kids that age would rather stick their hand into a hot stove than listen to a debate on immigration, but the students in this room were enthralled.

And, when you do so, it's easy to become fascinated by everything.

This is well thought out and written! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Scholarship / 'if you expect to fulfill your professional goals..' - Purdue Scholarship [3]

Once you achieve your professional goals, it is much easier to fulfill your personal goals, because they are actually incorporated within each other in a sense.

I believe a Purdue University education would help me accomplish these goals...

There are plenty of other reasons why I would love to receive a Purdue education, but the two main reasons are also synonymous with how Purdue will help me achieve my personal and professional goals.

One of the main reasons why I want to go to Purdue is to participate in your prestigious music program.

Before I fully explain why, here's a little background. first.

In my college search, I naturally wanted to pick a great school academically.

In addition to that, I wanted to pick a school with an excellent music program and jazz band.

And what is a better place to obtain my degree in Aerospace Engineering then the place where Neil Armstrong got his?

And as we know, they only choose the best, and to be the best I will need a Purdue education to help me achieve these personal and professional goals. of mine.

I hope this helps! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'the Wonderland my mother had tucked away' - Premed essay [5]

I had always found some sort of pleasure as I indulged into a world I never thought could exist.

Just like Alice painted the roses red, I painted the love of biology onto my personality.---I love this!!

Page 113 was my favorite .

...thing that merges my fascination with the human body and how it works, with my sociability and passion for meeting new people.

I tend to look the world as if I am staring at it through a magnifying glass, as Alice in Wonderland had to do when she grew three times her size.

I scrutinize the details, and it has been that way since I was a child.

This is a great essay! You're an excellent writer, and your essay is interesting and well set up. I hope this is helpful! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Poetry / Sable blood, by Me [3]

At the dusk, discerned to me a shadow---Should this word be 'As'?
Coming from the gray E aster twilight

-------

The wet breeze osculates a callow,
Impeccable, pure, sinless, white;
Dallies his feelings and lets them outgrow
With confidence with no contrite ---Should be 'contrition, I think.
He matched her with snow,

---------
My true-hearted put bane in my aid
Participated
As a snake snakes and lurks with
Unanticipated
Glance to coerce me or make me frayed !---afraid(?)
With the snake's bite, I was mazed---amazed?

-------
To kill, inhume and make burial parade---I don't know what this word should be, but maybe you mean the opposite of exhume, which means to dig up?

---------

Struggling (with?) that poison
Experiencing treason

And, all that I possess,

You are an amazing poet! It's hard for me to make a change or give advice, as it would be like adding colors to someone else's painting! Don't forget to put all punctuation marks right up against the last letter of the word or sentence. I like this a lot, you're a very interesting and descriptive writer.

:)

Undergraduate / 'I have taken many courses' - NJIT essay [2]

My friend is currently a freshman at NJIT and he told me NJIT has amazing courses on computer engineering. I then looked into NJIT and found it has an abundance to offer, f rom education to fitness.

The one course that I really attracted me was computers.

I have vivid memories of when my brother and I built a computer out offrom scratch.

We found old parts that people had thrown out and started from there.

This experience got me more interested in exploring the technological side of computers.

The vast information I've acquired from my teachers, brother, and classmates, has led me to apply to NJIT.

My determination to succeed and determination to do my best would be an asset to NJIT.

I know I have a lot to offer to this outstanding institution, and I will not let my talents and aspirations go to waste.

Nice ending!! I hope this helps! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / An airplane idea that could revolutionize the world. Duke essay =) [4]

Whether it'd be building Lego figures or bottled rockets, assembling models or other objects, has always interested me.

Ever since I was a kid, gazing at colossal skyscrapers or outrageously styled cubic buildings has greatly amazed me.

I kept pondering about how people could construct such eye-catching and complex creations.

Pratt will be the catalyst that will initiate my engineering goals, and the provider that will offer me the excellent educational foundation and experience necessary to succeed.

The rigorous and challenging curriculum that Pratt presents will force me to think at a more higher academic level and allow me to explore the different frontiers of engineering.

Great essay with a great ending! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / My Fist Day in SISU [3]

An hour later we reached SISU, a campus covered with all kinds of trees and a school built beside the mountain.

Freshman as I was, I could not find our way to the dormitory!

Finally, my parents turned to a sophomore for help, wanting to make it there without any mistake.

Quickly, we found our dormitory, 405.

While my dear mother was buzzing around the bedroom, I had time to enroll at the teaching affairs office.

With a breeze blowing gently, I felt relaxed and happy, looking forward to a brand new academic year.

Having gotten everything done, we drove to Ciqikou to have lunch.

It was about 13 p.m.----There is no 13 p.m.!--- and I couldn't wait for the tasty hot pot.

...on the other hand, I thought I would miss my parents so much, for I had never been away from home.

I am no longer excited about the college as I was on the first day, but I would keep all the precious memories in my mind.

I hope this helps! Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Writing Feedback / Two hundred years.. the British ruled our people [5]

I think you are judging me unfairly. Most of my family is Buddhist, though we were raised Catholic. We were aware enough to learn to think for ourselves, and upon questioning some of the bloody horror stories in the Bible, we realized whoever wrote it thought they had to instill fear, to rule people. My feelings for my own government are not great, as I believe we are, and always have been, like the bully on the playground, taking what we want, when we want it. I am ashamed of what my government does.

You wrote, "Make no mistakes. You're on the other side from us. Beginning with recognizing where dividing line truly lies would be a good start... towards creating an equal world."

It seems to me that it is people like you, who draw lines and see human beings only in labeled groups, not as individuals, that keep us separated. What I recognize is that there IS no dividing line.

peace

Undergraduate / Building a speaker - Something you do for the pleasure of it - MIT short answer - fb [4]

" Just one more, Dad" !

His complaining would not stop my harmonious hammering on the final resonating piece.

The deeper the nail went in, the more I roasted in the ardent excitement.---I like the way you write!

My increased heart beat and accuracy left the nail no escape but a perfect fit on the boom box.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

No sign of it in the vast sky, yet already my eyes were fixing on a direction.

No sentiments of unknown,---I don't quite understand this.--- but squashing with expectancy , my mind and heart prepared for a quiet salute.

"Whoosh". The steel bird spurted into my line of vision , close enough to show off its revolving strong blades, and far enough to amaze me with its mastery of aerodynamics.

Unlike anything else, those unique machines are my greatest heights to reach, exciting me with their apparent strength and secretive ---should this say, 'mysterious'?---aviation.---or ...the mystery of aviation?

Therefore, I dream of the AeroAstro Department as the most professional and challenging path for me to take, to learn those secrets.

I hope this helps! Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / 'volunteered, worked, travelled, thought' princeton-how ive spent my last two summers [4]

During my junior year, I spent the summer working full time at Premier Fitness as a receptionist.

Along with working, I traveled to both of my cottages for a few days, volunteered to coach a baseball team and instructed gymnastics.

The summer of my senior year I traveled to Wasaga Beach with my graduating class for four days.

When I returned from Wasaga, I traveled to my cottage for almost six weeks.

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'a local or global issue - blueberries' - PITZER suppliment [2]

Often times overlooked because of problems concerning energy and water, food is the cornerstone of every society that has ever existed.

In the modern world, with an exponentially expanding global population, having enough food is a bigger problem than ever.Food is not the problem, lack of it is! :)

Yes, industrial farming techniques raise crop yields in the short term, but the long term damage caused by these very same techniques makes organic farming the better way to farm over the long term.

A switch to a more sustainable form of agriculture is essential to the continued health and well being not just of the country, but of the world.

The farm was small, so we few interns had to learn to handle a multitude of tasks, from picking and pruning to sorting and selling.

...who drives all of twice a year and had to sit on a large pile of phone books so that she could see over the wheel, try to pilot an over sized ford van with a back seat full of blueberries to market, every so often drifting off onto the shoulder before a violent jerk of the wheel got us back on track.

I hope this is helpful! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Writing Feedback / Group Essay - "Warning! Teen Dating Hurts!" [7]

She walked into the classroom crying, because she found out that she was pregnant by her abusive boyfriend.

I assume you meant the very small first paragraph was yours?

I hope this was helpful!

:)

Letters / Motivation Letter for Service Engineering Program by LOTUS 2 scholarship [3]

This is great! I don't understand this part though; 'I have been helping my senior in an SME called ...'--- It sounds like you are a parent of a high school senior, perhaps. (I'm pretty sure this is not the case though).

Undergraduate / 'educational foundation and experience' - DUKE engineering [5]

I noticed there isn't one personal thing in your essay, nothing to distinguish you from the many other applicants. How did you become interested in this field? Why is Duke the perfect place for you?

:)

Undergraduate / "Growing Up On A Farm"-Common App Essay [6]

These are exactly the same essay! There is not one word different on essay #2. There's quite a bit of editing to be done, so maybe you can find the other essay and decide which one you want to use, then send it through for an edit.

:)

Undergraduate / Common App to Kenyon Vassar and Wesleyan - my relationship with my mom [4]

Her words slashed through me easily as she poked in various areas trying to find my breaking point.

My hand encountered her contorted face, and this was the death of our relationship.

I would spend the next year in my room peeling back my naive layers, and facing the truth about my mom. ---Wow, this is some powerful writing.

I'd lost trust in my mom and any faith I had in myself went along with it.

I initially believed I would have to rebuild my entire identity.

But I discovered that in actuality, I am not myself because of my mother.

I have full intentions to skydive as soon as I turn 18.

I've rediscovered who I am.

The frustrating relapse into myself reinforced my aspirations and individuality.----Oh man, I love the way you write. A minute ago, I thought, 'oh, thank god she likes poetry slams, I'll be reading more by her some day!'

I hope this is helpful! Good luck with school, have fun, and keep writing. I would love to see some of your poetry.

:)

Graduate / 'Study and contribute to public health' Personal Statement for Public Health Master [4]

Good luck! (Though I don't think you'll need much luck, you've worked hard to be where you are. I think you'll do just fine there!)

Undergraduate / The influence of my second grade teacher (essay) [2]

I had trouble communicating in English so I had no friends, and I failed my schoolwork due to comprehension issues. ---Apparently, you have no trouble with it now!

She tried to help with me succeed in school by making sure to ask if I needed her to re-explain assignments in class, or to explain test problems.

She helped me to overcome my hatred of words by having me read to her out loud.

By doing so, I was able to practice my English.

She made me believe that, contrary to what my parents say, failing at a task does not make me useless, as long as I try my best.

She was the first person who told me that all the money in the world could not buy me happiness and I should pick a career that would bring me joy, regardless of the income.---Oh, if only there were more teachers like her!!

What a nice tribute to that teacher! Maybe you could send her a copy of this, to show what she has done for you. Good luck with school and have fun!!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Come. I want to show you a story - My Athena' - Common App Standard [6]

Slightly wary, I gave him a quick bow of respect and proceeded to fold up my legs, tentatively awaiting for whatever he had to say.

At a young age, she had a fiery spirit and contagious passion that women had always been discouraged from in the A sian culture.

She broke boundaries and embraced her rebellious nature as she planned a revolt against the Wu Kingdom, simply because she was able to acknowledge her potential.

"I only want to ride the wind and walk the waves, slay the big whales of the Eastern sea, clean up frontiers and save people from drowning. Why should I imitate others, bow my head, stoop over and be a slave? Why resign myself?" ---I LOVE this!

After that day, her words were etched themselves into my mind.

I remember myself sitting on the cold, concrete floor of my grandparent's old home in Vietnam, sifting...

I hope this is helpful!

:)

Graduate / 'Study and contribute to public health' Personal Statement for Public Health Master [4]

My first year working for the Ministry of Health in Cairo, Egypt was an eye opening experience for me.

It was obvious to me that most of the health care challenges this population faced could be easily solved by vibrant and well designed public health programs.

Tons of ideas came to my mind with less opportunities to implement them .

Having studied public health courses during my medical school and knowing how much research has been done in such an...

This vicious illness took her life after six months of suffering from chemotherapy, radiotherapy, and a couple of surgeries.

Although negative and sad, her death increased my desire to contribute to the effort of educating the public on such health issues, something that would prevent illness and help save many lives.

I believe a diverse environment and unique contexts are important to the success of any research program, especially public health.

The environment I studied and practiced medicine in was a unique environment from a socioeconomic and cultural perspectives.

... from aspiration to practice, from rough ideas to formal research, and from good wishes to a professional and scientific career.

This is great, especially the last paragraph. They'll be lucky to have you as a student.

:)

Graduate / 'my Industrial Attachment' - Personal Statement - Msc Telecommunications [3]

My personal rendezvous with the internet and computers began back in 1997 when I was presented a PC by my parents.

I've been lucky enough to be able to witness the evolution of Telecommunications, from using 56K dial-up internet which had frequent disconnections, to high speed broadband.

My interest in Telecommunications grew during my Industrial Attachment at XYZ.

My work consists of guiding users on troubleshooting modems and network issues over the phone,and also providing onsite support together with the local ISP personnel.

My work involves providing technical help over the phone for mainly iPhone, iPad and iPod users in the Asia Pacific region.

Being trilingual, I am fluent in Cantonese, Mandarin and English, which is of great help in my job scope to communicate with end users from different walks of life.

My fields of interest however, are spread over a wide spectrum of areas.

The award winning faculty and excellent facilities at your university makes the program ideally suited to my professional goals.

I hope this helps! Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / Admissions for the Ultrasound Program at my School [3]

But once you know what you want to pursue,your career in it's a wonderful feeling; knowing that you are working towards thatyour goal and you are willing to do anything it takes to accomplish that goal.

I am choosing Diagnostic Medical Sonography as a career, not only because I am passionate about it, but because I would love to have the opportunity to care for others.

I did a variety of things while volunteering there, such as helping with filing, transporting patients, refilling the water in theretheir rooms, and interacting with them throughout the day.

I found it very interesting, the technology used in today's Ultrasound.

A few months after that, I went back for my follow up appointment and I had the same Sonographer scan me.

After the scan she told me that there were no more stones.

They all agree that this is a great field to be in and that it would be perfect for me.

Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Mixed Bag' - Why you consider OSU college? [2]

Growing up in a Hispanic family with a dissimilar cultural background than the rest of society, can sometimes give the feeling of not fitting in, and depending where you at, has made me feel as if being different could be a bad thing.

When I started my search for colleges, the key word was diversity.

Family has always been very important to me, as well as being close to them, so finding a college close to home played a substantial role.

...clubs and organizations that let me know how important it is for them to provide their students with diverse selections, where everyone can find something he or she can enjoys .

From the moment I got there to today, I can not help but feel excitement in thinking what it could be to one day form part of The Ohio State University community.

Being a first generation student and coming from a family who has had no further post-secondary education, I know that this is the place that will help me succeed and grow into the person I am working hard to become.---Nice ending!

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Speeches / 'Thank you to my mother for giving me the strength' - Graduation Speech [3]

Thank you to my mother, for giving me the strength to know that I can overcome anything.

To my kids for supporting me through this crazy journey, I hope to be an inspiration that age, time or money are not an obstacles when you set your mind to succeed.

To my friends, for all the words of encouragement all those times I thought of giving up.

And to my love and my angel Sedar, I cannot put into words how grateful I am for all the time you've invested in making sure I could study, but most of all for taking good care of our family and believing in me.

After all of the craziness and fatigue of the last few years, I would have to say that it was all worth it.

I hope this helps! Congratulations!!

:)

Book Reports / Abstract on "Coach and athlete intrinsic motivation" [2]

The relationship between a coach and an athlete is very significant in improving an athlete's intrinsic motivation towards their preferred sport.

With many demands in the sports environment, the coach and athlete relationships needs to be consistent, involved, persistent, communicative, goal-oriented, supportive and healthy to obtain a long-term essential, significant intrinsic motivation attitudes between each other and towards the sport.

In the articles read , competence, relatedness and autonomy were further studied to obtain information about improvements and intrinsic motivation in the athletes.

The studies found that when an athlete is autonomy-supportive and competent, it does benefit both self-determined extrinsic motivation and intrinsic motivation, therefore a positive coach and athlete relationship is developed.

I hope this helps!

:)