Undergraduate / Getting kicked out of Dance - Common App Essay [2]

At times I hated Swathi Aunty, and at times I admired her, but to this day I am thankful for having her as my dance teacher.

...that time was constantly praised for her ability to grasp the art form immediately, while I struggled in her shadow to learn the simplest moves.

As I soon learned then , Swathi Aunty took no excuses and dismissed any students who did not respect dance the way she did.

...maintaining two arduous jobs she managed to find time to dedicate to something she was passionate about.

Her one-of-a-kind spirit is unparalleled by any teacher I have had thus far, and this is the spirit which I slowly started developing, as I practiced and dedicated my time more sincerely.

Today, thirteen years later, I have grown to admire Swathi Aunty in more ways than I could have imagined.

Not only has she perfected and critiqued every dance move, but she has shaped me into the person I am today.

Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Undergraduate / 'the best learning environment to grow' - NYU supplement [6]

I am looking for the best learning environment in which to grow.

A friend of mine who is a current student at NYU introduced me to many of the aspects of the college, and I learned that this college would be filled with opportunities for me.---Don't forget to always leave a space between sentences!

Having spent a year at SUNY XXX, I now want to experience a completely new culture, a beau monde filled with heterogeneous study bodies and erudite scholars.

Given that NYU has campuses across different continents around the world, needless to say, NYU attracts a very diverse group of students from multitudinous backgrounds. Yes, this is needless to say. Use your sentences to affirm powerful ideas and intentions. I think you should include this sentence, but express the idea in 50% of the words.

...definitely set asunder myself with the financial world.----Asunder is a very rare word... and the way you used it here seems wrong. It is just very uncommon. I think you should revise this sentence and not use that word.

My greatest ambition in life is to able to work in the financial world, I want to live in a society that will foster my business knowledge both socially and academically.----I don't think your greatest ambition is to BE something. I think it is to DO something. What problem do you want to solve in this world?

I can say it's the best experience I've every ever had in the States.

Scholarship / 'Leadership skills and volunteering at Civil Air Patrol' personal [2]

For as long as I can remember I have always had the passion to learn in order to help others to succeed, as their successes will also be mine.

This passion grew more and more each day, which made me, ---no comma here--- realize what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

Throughout the years I have held multiple positions in my squadron which assisted my move up the chain of command, in both grade and rank.

This dedication served to improve my time management skills, enabling me to better achieve my goals.

From my years of learning, I have accomplished many goals that have exceeded my own expectations.

:)

Undergraduate / 'The Dreamcast for Christmas' - UC Describe the world you come from... [2]

Living in the suburbs of Southern California's Inland Empire, I had always felt enclosed in the distant mountains that seemed to completely surround my city.

My imagination tends to wander about; and I had always dreamed what it was like beyond those mountains, but I never got the chance to find out until the winter of 1999.

That gift opened me up to a whole new universe of creative imagination and masterful design, which allowed me to experience what it's like beyond those mountains that bound me to my own plane of existence.

Her strong work ethic, determination, and independence have inspired me to be the best I can possibly be in anything I desire to do.

My past and present have formed me into the type of person who will do well by myself yet still be the leader of a group, who can easily grasp new ideas, and contribute my imagination to society.

Your essay is interesting and well written. Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Dissertations / Masters in food and consumer safety / packaging - Research title [9]

How about targeting consumers through food packaging, like the use of bright colors to attract children, a picture of wheat, or a heart, to attract people who are making healthy choices, etc?

Undergraduate / 'science in all of its many forms' - Personal and Professional Goals [2]

Moreover, it has struck me that it is taken for granted far too frequently.

The practical applications for which an education in the field of science can be used are enormous.

As technology and our understanding of the humankind increases, new, critically thinking minds are needed ...

... which is essential if I am to further the molding of my characteristics and understand the needs of others .

When I first stepped onto the _____ campus during my visit for the day, it felt like a home away from home, a place where I could see myself succeeding and being content over the course of my undergraduate years.

I consider myself fortunate for the chance to apply to this institute, and would be elated to be accepted .

The strong academic focus and social opportunities at _____ will allow me to accomplish this, while I put forth my best effort and contributions inside and out of the campus.---This is great!

To prepare myself for this highly competitive world,...

Attending this institute is only the first step, but certainly not the last, on a long road of choices and decisions...

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Scholarship / Quest For Excellence Awards Scholarship- Young Physician's Award [2]

So, how can I recall joyous moments from my childhood, if the cells retaining these memories have died and been replaced a myriad of times?

Why should my body be predisposed to developing the diseases my parent's genes have cursed me with, if the single cell I've developed from has been replaced by trillions of other cells-cells that weren't derived from my parents?

The body is just a multitude of "actions" the soul is constantly performing.---I love this!

If we nourish our soul with what it most ardently desires: colorful fresh foods, meditation, exercises, and kindness towards others; virtually all diseases can be prevented. ---I think you need to back this up somehow, or add one more clarifying sentence. Maybe I'm a pessimist, but it does sound far-fetched!

:)

Writing Feedback / Make a point about a special keepsake you have reminding you of a significant person [2]

The necklace my grandmother gave me is important because she gave to me before she died.

When I was nine, I went to my grandmother's house in Queens , NY.

I went upstairs to her bedroom where she was lying down on her bed.

I sat right next to her and she started to cry.

Next thing I know, she handed me a necklace said that her mother gave to her on her wedding day.

The next day I found out that she had died in her sleep.

She gave me this necklace the day before she died.

It means a lot to me because I got to see her one last time to say I love you.

That's why I will always keep the necklace close to my heart because I know she is always with me.

This is beautiful! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'history and culture within my family' - FGCU Admission App [2]

My family's history is very rich and unique compared to the majority of people that I come in contact with, including my friends and classmates.

...hundred dollars saved up to support the 3 of us in a foreign area where none of us knew anything or anyone, including the language.

I was enrolled in a private school from 3rd to 5th grade in New Jersey, in despite of my parents financial problems at the time.

When we moved to Florida, roughly 7 years ago, my mother was pregnant once again with my little sister, Victoria.

An extremely risky open heart surgery was needed, to help her survive.

The language within my house is Polish, which I actually very much enjoy, and take in as beneficial so I can keep my polish roots within my language.

My family, especially my father, has stressed the importance of education to me and how much it will help shape the person I will become in the future. because of it.

If you take a look at my transcripts, you will see that for the first year of my high school career I jumped right into the International Baccalaureate program in Cape Coral High School.

...and I am excited to plan on growing even more in Florida Gulf Coast University.

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Poetry / Poetry analysis of Wendy Copes poems. Lonely Hearts and From June to December [2]

In Wendy Cope' poems "Lonely Hearts" and "From June to December," she involves the need for happiness of love.

Both poems are used in the villanelle style.

...are a bit difficult to write, which could symbolize the difficulty in finding someone to love or feel for, but also,...

This villanelle is compared to the beginning of writing a villanelle.---This doesn't make sense to me!

Other parts of the villanelle explain that the man is desperate. He will date a Jewish woman with a son or even someone who is a bisexual.

Of course for most people, putting an ad or using a dating site doesn't seem like the best way, but people have truly found someone to love through those ways, not everyone, but some.

She starts the first stanza by showing her readers that this man or woman is just perfect at what he or she does with the significant other.

:)

Book Reports / Salem Witch Trials essay question. [3]

- The economical motives behind the trial, as oppossed to the religious motives---

I think this first one is the topic you can write the best essay on, as there is so much to say about it! I am not an expert, but the Catholic church made so much money and gained so much land during this travesty, as well as the millions they made financing Hitler. To me, the true devil was the Catholic church. If you have not read The Crucible, you could start there, to get fired up for the assignment. (Or you could rent the movie.) Also, see if you can find the book called, the Malleus Malleficarum. I doubt that I spelled it right, but it was a guide book for how to tell if someone was a witch, including tools for torture, and what to do if you believed someone was a witch, but could not prove it, for example, there was a little device that looked like a pen, but there was a retractable small dagger inside, that you could put gently against someones stomach, in front of others while looking innocent, and suddenly they would jerk and cry out, and bleed 'spontaneously', thereby obviously a witch. grrrr

good luck with your essay, very interesting topic!

:)

Letters / An information letter to the Principal of College for scholarships / financial help [2]

However, my family has had a great misfortune lately,(y ou may specify the misfortune,) thus, my parents can no longer afford to send me to college.

Despite these obstacles, I still want to pursue my college education, and so I need to search for other options for myself, for that to happen.

Therefore, I would like to obtain information about scholarships your school grant s.

Also, please include other ways possible alternatives to help me finance my studies.

It would be very much helpful if you could would give it to me and state the full details on how each particular scholarship can be acquired.

:)

Book Reports / Why is Justine important for plot development in Frankenstein? [2]

The concept of human nature is unique, and some human experiences drive humans to do dreadful things.

Justine is important for plot development because her circumstances show that the Creature is a reflection of the dark side of Frankenstein's consciousness, revealing that the both characters are monsters.

He may have run away because of the guilt he felt for creating such a monster - the guilt of making humanity's instincts manifest.

Frankenstein creates this creature that is originally filled with the honorable human characteristics: the instinct to love and to be kind.

Once the creature learned that humans would always treat him terribly, it replicated the immoral behavior of its creator. Specifically, the monster chose to frame a woman that had never mistreated him.

The creature asks its Creator to make a mate for him and promises to run away . "...one as deformed and as horrible as myself would not deny herself to me.

Nice essay, and I really like your closing sentence. I think the first paragraph is good and strong.

:)

Letters / Letter to request for exemption for certain subjects [2]

I am writing this letter to request for exemption for the subjects I have studied for my diploma.

I have studied 9 (nine) modules in the diploma.

As a part of my career development I ---Always capitalize 'I'!---am intending to enroll in Bachelor of business administration (hons) degree program that your college is currently conducting .

F urther, I have 15 years of experience in the office environment.
Herewith i am enclosing a syllabus of all the modules with certificates.

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Scholarship / 'called weird many, many times' - Questbridge scholarship [2]

Author Jeanette Walls once stated that every successful person has undergone some tremendous hardship that they adapted to and ultimately thrived because of it.---If this is a direct quote, use quotation marks.

She decided to home school the three of us when we were already reading chapter books at age five.

You are an amazing person and a wonderful writer! Good luck in school, and have fun!

:)

Graduate / Passion and hardwork fuel me in the right direction- SOP for Industrial Engineering. [4]

Being born into a family which always stressed the importance of education,...

Engineering has never been a compulsion for me, but has rather been a passion.

By exploring trade-offs between metal wastage and speed, between worker fatigue and efficiency of the system, I created a program which...

I had to make decisions favorable to both the upper management and the lower management.

I feel I gained significant insight into how industrial engineers, especially ergonomists , think and analyze problems, ...

Motivating young people and working on life changing projects like AIDS campaigns, "Light a Life" [for underprivileged children], has been an immensely gratifying experience both professionally and personally.

I envision a career for myself where I am in charge of making decisions rather than following orders , whether it is in research or in industry.

:)

Undergraduate / 'self-examination of character' - National Merit Finalist Essay [3]


Ha ha, I like it already...

Why is it all one huge paragraph? When you write something important, it helps to organize it into paragraphs. Use paragraphs with good "paragraph topic sentences" and it's like a boxer throwing precise punches, but use one long paragraph and it's like a boxer rushing in gracelessly and trying to tackle the opponent.

Much of our walk was taken in silence. -- The prose is beautiful so far, but readers might notice that this is passive voice and they will scoff at it! You could eliminate passive voice by changing the verb.


Again here you can easily get that active voice by changing "were" to "we" but it is no big deal.


The answers still might change many time.

It would be great if that reference to water at the end referred back to something you mentioned about water at the beginning.

Alright, that's all I got for ideas! You definitely were inspired when this writing allowed itself to be excavated from wherever good writing comes from.

Undergraduate / 'adequate teaching recourses' - Rice Why Essay [2]

It was a snapshot of the brick red Lovett Hall that initially caught my heart ---(and attention?)---two years ago.

Rice offers me adequateperfect teaching recourses with small-sized classes,...

How I wish to have a chance to stand beside Ms. Jennifer West, co-operating with her on the development of...

Bertrand Russell had lived for three things: the longing for love, the search for knowledge and the unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind and these are exactly what motivated me to attend Rice.

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Sleeping in laundromats' - UF undergrad essay [6]

...and my father was living his life being the "King" of Langley Park, which was known for the high rates of cocaine.---(trafficking?)

I knew I did not want to end up like either of my parents, so I had to get out of that lifestyle, not just for my brother but for myself.

The biggest concern I had was social services, as I did not want to get separated from my brother.

Unfortunately that did occur, and at age 11 I was placed in the foster care system.

Acquiring good grades and playing sports became a part of me, and they helped me to escape from the negative.

A family wanted to adopt me. Th ey lived in Minnesota so that required me to move. ---I changed this to two sentences.---

They had very high expectations of me but I always loved exceeding them.

Wow! What a sad and interesting essay! Thank you for giving me a change of pace from the boring essays I read all day! I wish you good luck, and your brother, too. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / UCF (the mosquito) obstacle and (somewhat-close to home) why did you apply [4]

It should different, but it isn't .

Grief hovers around me like an annoying mosquito and just like a mosquito I can bat it away and continue with life just content to ignore it...only this mosquito is much too big to bat away.

We hadn't thought he would go so quickly.

I wasn't a big crier; it took a lot for me break down.

Or well into my grandpa's funeral, when my mom was tucking him one final time with a warm coffee-colored blanket that she had knitted herself, though I knew ...

The sight of my mom placing the blanket over him so tenderly was like flipping a switch in my brain, with a bright red neon sign flashing "HE'S NOT COMING BACK."

This essay is beautifully written, not at all cheesy! :)
--------------------------------

 
Why did I choose to apply to UCF?

I don't want a college solely focused on sports or a party college, or one where the majority of people are separated into cliques like high school with all of its petty drama.

UCF seems to be a good place to go where there can be socialization but also focused on academics as well.

:)

Undergraduate / "Someone to be my friend." - the topic "What drives me". [5]

I make sure I record every program on Discovery Science and National Geographic that somehow involves biology.

AndIt all started with that one day, that one meeting with the boy who changed my life forever.

I don't really believe in celebrating my birthday because I don't think it is much of an achievement to have popped out of my mother's stomach in a Cesarean .---Great sentence!

Their innocent love and genuine gratitude deeply touches me.

I wanted people to know that there was no need to ostracize those afflicted with the diseaseit .

It is because of him, and other children like him, who are marooned and ostracized by the society every day that I am driven by my goal to pursue biomedical engineering.---Another great sentence.

You are an excellent writer and a very nice person. Good luck in all you do!

:)

Undergraduate / 'I practiced air rifling' - extracurricular activities~ [2]

On the first day of school, I remember my English teacher asking every single student what their hobbies/activities they didwere during the summer.

But all of the students turned their heads towards me when I said I practiced air rifling.

My dad would teach me my arm and leg positions and how I should stabilize my body, especially when I pull the trigger.

Ever since, I have loved air rifling.

...the heavy piece of wood every day after school and pretend to hit the bullseye 10 meters away.

My left arm was tucked under my chest with my right index finger on the trigger and my cheek leaning against the rifle.

To me, air-rifling is not only a sport but it's something that shaped who I am today.

My dedication and ambition to practice every day ---Two words here.-- and hit the bullseye helped me work harder than ever before.

:)

Undergraduate / 'My interest in sign language' - UF Undergrad [3]

My interest in sign language was ignited at a very young age, while living in the diverse neighborhood of Santé Fe Oaks.

It was there that I was fortunate enough to meet a deaf family who willingly shared a piece of their culture with me: their Deaf Culture.

Instantly , I became eager to soak up all the information on American Sign Language as I could.

... instead, they decided to send him to the Florida School for the Deaf and Blind, the best deaf school --?? Is this the right term?--- in Florida.

Maybe this is why I want to become a pediatric doctor and gain new experiences and...

:)

Essays / What would a good thesis be for self-experimentation? [2]

That sounds dirty.

Well, the thesis has to come from your unique insight about the topic. You can't have a unique insight until you read a lot of articles about the topic, or gain insight in some other way.

When you ask what is a good thesis about it, you are really asking what is a good IDEA about it. So what is a good idea? Read until one comes to you. Search a database of professional journal articles for that topic. I don't even know what self-experimentation is... maybe like introspection.

Oh, I just looked at what self-experimentation is. So... if you are writing about a particular research method that involves experimenting on oneself, read some research studies that involve that method. You'll have a great idea while you read, and it will be your thesis.

Undergraduate / 'the Youth Action Board' - UNC Supplement [2]

When everyone around you is making decisions that don't coincide with your beliefs, it's easy to feel lost, alone, and out-numbered.

The MIP incident, however, caused her tostay away.

I had vowed not lose her, b ut in this attempt, I was losing myself.

Ellen felt as though her mistake had cursed her with a hopeless future.

Although my parents prohibited me from associating with her, I did my best to help Ellen.

My confusion and distress led me to join the Youth Action Board my sophomore year.

Additionally, the YAB has also given me the opportunity to further develop my leadership skills.

:)

Undergraduate / 'Playing on the Strengths' - Transfer Student Essay for Texas A&M [4]

I learned from the beginning that animals are a lot of work, but the reward reaped from it is worth it.

My major in Animal Science is not just because I think animals are cute, but because I want to be in a position to work with them and make a difference.

It takes a lot of determination and time to work, keep decent grades, and also have time for the horses, ---No comma here.--- and the organizations that I am a part of, but that is one of the reasons I know I am working towards the right goal.

After I finish my animal science major, the next big step in my life is joining the Army where I will hopefully get to work with the animals on a daily basis.

Every decision we make every day ---Two words here.--- changes the course of our lives .

Transferring from one university to another is a huge step, but it is one that I am ready to take .

Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Undergraduate / Working at Staples- Common App Short Answer [2]

I was fortunate enough to obtain a job at Staples, an office supplies retail store, as a cashier this past summer.

Since I didn't have any work experience prior to this job, I wasn't sure of what to expect of the job itself, or the interactions I would face with customers.

Working at Staples has taught me patience, communication, discipline, and a greater sense of responsibility.

When I see the appreciation I get from customers and my employers for doing my job well, I know that my efforts have not been wasted.

:)

Essays / Abortion - Intro and Thesis (cause and effect essay) [4]

I think a good place to start would be with statistics. As soon as you gather a few, like how many abortions are performed each year, how many are subsequent abortions, how many people are currently on waiting lists to adopt, etc., your essay will pretty much write itself!

:)

Writing Feedback / Descripitive Paragraph: Christmas Time / Holiday Cheer [2]

Holiday cheer is infectious and warm, with the smell of cookies, gingerbread men, and hot cocoadance aroundfilling the house, as the sounds of children playing outside and C.D.s of Christmas carols play in the background.

... blinking lights wrap around a huge Fraser Fir, decorated in dozens of ornaments of all different shapes and sizes, some as small as a tiny snowflake and some as large a doll-sized Angel.

Christmas Eve is spent on last minute shopping, running around the mall in a panic.

Also, pr eparing for Christmas dinner, decorating cut-out snow men sugar cookies for Santa and finding carrot sticks for his reindeer.

:)

Letters / ('she is amongst the well-endowed people') LOR from the employer [16]

I hope my perspective will be helpful to you in evaluating this promising candidate.

ABC is an industrious employee, who has executed her responsibilities in a consistent and thorough and manner.

I do wish to express my conviction that she is amongst the well-endowed ---This is not the right use of 'well endowed'! Well endowed usually means big breasts, when you're talking about a woman!--- people, whom I have come across in the past many years.

:)

Undergraduate / "Senior Salute" -a situation in which you felt that you or others were treated unfair [2]

Each year, the local newspaper honors seniors from all high schools in which they serve for the title of "Senior Salute".

...requesting the names of four seniors who have met those criteria and then the student will be featured in the local newspaper.

Upon her returned , the principal stated that one of the criteria was that the student could not have had any school suspension and she apologized because the person in charge assumed that I had been suspended.

After speaking to the principal, I wanted to meet with the person that was in charge of verifying each senior's qualifications because I was appalled to know that person in charge would make such an assumption.

The principal, the guidance counselor and I met for a brief moment and the guidance counselor explained to me that I had an in school suspension on file from the previous year.

Because there were still some doubts as to whether this was fact, I took it upon myself to contact the newspaper to clarify the guidelines for me.

I feel this happened because someone did not take the time to clarify the information and that other students besides me may have been denied this same honor.

:)

Book Reports / how voice and tone is driven in: "letter from birmingham jail" [2]

I think you should write the date at the beginning, to add drama and a sense of time.

King's use of "The Good Book" reveals his powerful but calm tone, and better states his point of view.

In the letter, King compares himself to Paul because they both wanted to bring about freedom.

King states, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to injustice everywhere."(136)---Important to have this right! :)

I agree with this statement because if someone is being fair and just to everyone they see but then they see someone else who is not, they could see how much easier it is to just not care and not give everyone the justice they deserve.

When the clergymen complained about the demonstrations in Birmingham, King told them...

Dr. King's strong and broad voice displays onhow strongly he feels towards segregation.

I agree with King in this manneron this matter because if the clergymen were real men of God, they would reflect back on how Jesus was beaten and want to make the changes King wanted.

:)

Undergraduate / Queerly Phrased - Common App essay? [3]

And yes, there is the fact that I am a lesbian, but I am confident in my own identity.

It simply took one scribbled word hurled at my forehead, for me to realise that.---You are an amazing writer!

... but still I sought a meeting with my head of year that morning, and together we discussed the formation of an LGBT social club for the school, plus the inclusion of homophobia as a form of bullying in school policy.

I hope to marry her, start a family, buy a Japanese peace lily, and most of all, to study the language I love so dearly.

Your essay is very well written and also powerful! I love the way you write. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / Bullying: University of Texas - Issue of Importance ('too much Animal Planet') [4]

I spend copious amounts of hours watching Animal Planet and, at times, I imagine my life is narrated by an Australian man.---Ha ha!!

Antelope rarely go their entire lives without encountering a lion, and mine came in the form of a short, scrawny, baseball-playing blonde riding the afternoon bus.---You're an excellent writer!!

The routine would be repeated time and time again.

There was really no glory moment for the hideous girl in the back of bus 32.

I am now passionate about bullying, and would love to work for a non-profit organization that focuses on assisting children who are pushed to a breaking point; children who are overlooked on their own bus rides home.

This is so great! (I spent years as an antelope in a Catholic school in the 60's...the nuns were the biggest bullies!!

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Artistic Journey' - Common App-Topic 1-Significant Experience [2]

When I was younger, I saw amazing paintings by the masters and always thought to myself aboutremembered how absolutely breath-taking they were.

Those painting always enamored me with their beauty.

I have always wanted to be able to paint a masterpiece, but didn't exactly know how, though I figured, how hard could it be?

There was always so much in those paintings, and the colors on the canvas hypnotized me; I had to try it.

Swirling the colors on the palette and applying them to the canvas, it looked so simple;...

I was so confused as to why it wouldn't work the same way that the artist of the painting had.---oops, this sentence doesn't actually make sense!

...seemed wrong, but I couldn't abandon it again, not this time. I would have to try harder.

This is a good idea for an essay, but I was hoping that you would end with finding that you don't need to copy the masters, you are a unique artist, blending your colors and painting your own masterpieces! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Graduate / SOP for MS in Comp Science(Software Engineering) [2]

My role and experience at TCS as a Software Developer has triggered an interest in me to pursue my Postgraduation in software engineering while delving further into areas like Software...

At TCS I immersed myself in the development of window and web based applications by interacting with clients and gathering their requirements and specifications.

... I had the opportunity to learn how to gainfully meet the challenges posed by the changing customer requirements, and adaptive planning that is required to satisfy the customers by meeting their specifications.

Later on, under the guidance of my professor Mr V.R Raghuveer, I undertook research in the procedure and shortcomings of the existing Bayesian approach for spam filtering.

Based on the facts obtained, I could fruitfully complete my final semester project titled 'Bayesian Anti-Spam Filtering Technique using keyword context Approach' using the Bayesian Probability Theory, and basic concepts of Java for UI.---You're so smart!!

Working on these projects has given me great motivation and immense confidence to develop and program applications at a higher level and has increased my command of the concepts.

Apart from an excellent faculty and avant-garde research facilities, UNIVERSITY NAME also hosts many student organizations and honour societies. In the end, I can proudly...

They'll be lucky to have you as a student!! Good luck with school~

:)

Graduate / Grad Admission For Human development and Childhood Disorders [3]

Looking up from the bottom of the ladder of success,---This is great!--- it seems that the first step may not exactly be the most difficult.

It was then that I realized the potential that I had to surpass obstacles and challenges; the true meaning of fighting for something truly worth accomplishing.

Full-time work to pay for living costs, and a full-time, ---no comma here--- challenging course-load at XXX and extracurricular activities and research studies for school found itself to leave ---me with no room for idle behavior.

We have dedicated decades of research and observation to the understanding of human development and have yet to only scratch the surface.

My ultimate goal is to become a mentor or counselor whom which children of abnormal development and their families can look to for guidance and assistance.

:)

Graduate / 'a daughter of a nursing executive' - PTCAS Essay - DPT Essay (Physical Therapy) [3]

There was one resident that I became very fond of and often found myself visiting her in her room.

During painful exercises, she was resilient and always worked through the difficulty, allowing her amazing spirit to guide her.

As I had excelled in business courses in high school, I would prove successful again in the School of Communications at XXX.

I often wish I would havehad become a physical therapist earlier, but I am confident that my unique life experiences and sincere dedication will allow me to become a successful clinician.

This is very well written! Good luck with school.

:)

Undergraduate / 'children's stories' - Describe an experience that you've had or a concept you ... [6]

I wasn't surprised at why Paul was not able to explain his feelings, perhaps it's because his vocabulary bank does not yet possess all the adjectives and nouns essential to capturing the subtle beauty of a sunrise.

I was surprised at how I could not recall any instance that I was as stunned as this boy.

But when was the last time I experienced such amazement that my tongue suddenly curled upon itself and refused to be of use?---Nice sentence!!

My first guess is that perhaps I am an apathetic individual, but I remember how personally it hurt when a fictional character lost her dad in his battle with lung cancer.

The most likely hypothesis is that I am past my prime time ---Two words.--- to experience such blissful astonishment and awe.

I still have a long way to go .

It doesn't matter whether or not the journey is going to be rough or smooth, turbulent or tranquil ― the mere presence and possibility of it present to me so much unimaginable potential and hopefulness.

We know it's one of Life's inevitabilities , so why are we rushing for it?

What an excellent essay!! Good luck in school!

:)

Undergraduate / "work hard, my son" - QuestBridge Bio Essay [3]

They would often tell us countless stories of their youth in poverty-stricken areas of the Philippines and impart venerable Filipino adages hoping to bestow on us the wisdom that their parents had passed down to them.

It was as if our parents' main goal was to teach us how to fly before we had even spread our wings.

My mother-despite her anxiety troubles-has worked to support my family through dish-washing , house cleaning, and working as a cashier.

...sciences evolved from years of exposure to a vast spectrum of cultures, mindsets, and pedagogues .

With what I have accomplished and overcome, I have found freedom in living my life day by day, taking steps that would bring me closer to reaching my full potential.

What a beautiful and well written essay! Good luck in school and have fun! Any school will be very lucky to have you as a student.

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