Graduate / This is a letter to a department (student of chemical engineering at the University) [3]

My name is Mostafa Razavi and I am an undergraduate student of chemical engineering at the University of Tehran, Iran.

I have been engaged in Membrane Separation for the last two years.

My professor Dr. Aroon, the associate professor of Department of Chemical Engineering, University of Tehran, and I are publishing a book related to Polymeric Gas Separation Membranes and it will be published in the University of Tehran Press.---This is great, very impressive!

I want to apply for the (-------) for Fall 2012 and I would like to know if I could possibly be accepted in your department.

My GPA is approximately 3.2 (more than 3.2 if you consider the last 2 years' scores) and I will take the GRE and Toefl exams in October, and I'm sure about my success in these exams!

I will be an active (member of your research group) if you give me the opportunity. Please guide me.

They will be lucky to have you as a student. Good luck with school!

:)

Scholarship / 'get people back into the kitchen' QuestBridge Topic that Intellectually Excites you [3]

Because most haven't had the privilege of watching firsthand the power of nature's own medicine cabinet.

For years, my mom battled with intense stomach problems,...

... holding open the door to the bathroom as she vomited, wishing we could be crocheting red and green doilies while watching Christmas movies on Hallmark together instead. ---This is great writing!

... a five dollar month's supply bottle was able to combat what a prescription that costs up to four dollars per pill couldn't .---It would sound a little bit more dramatic if you said 'could not' instead of 'couldn't'. Little things like that make a big difference!

Since then, I've learned that stomach problems aren't the only thing natural remedies can cure; there are thousands of foods and natural supplements that can help with the most troublesome conditions.

Nice essay! Good luck in school!!

:)

Grammar, Usage / "Is" or "of?" "That of" - usage [7]

How about 'on the path to' or 'towards'?

Writing Feedback / The Mosquito: A look into the Teacher's responsibility in a student's everyday life. [2]

While I pondered which teacher had a definite impact on my outlook on education, it would be Mrs. Stidham, my fourth grade teacher.

Right away, I did not like my new teacher, it might have been some chemical imbalance, and I wasn't the only one.

She was always floating around the classroom and hissing insults that stung , and nobody else could hear, but her and an unfortunate child.

...and I had a "F" letter grade, followed up with an annotation stating that I would never be a zookeeper.---what a mean, sad excuse for a teacher!

Obviously, like Mrs. Stidham's "mean behavior", while maybe not intentional, had a definitive impact on several 11-12 year old's minds, and their outlook on education.

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / Issue of Importance Essay (perception of college degree); UT Prompt B [2]

However, in today's fast-paced, get-rich society, the goal of education has been replaced by a far more selfish motto: "Getting a college degree means making more money."

This misplaced ideology is an issue of grave importance in today's society because it can lead to a hindrance of the education of future generations.

To many, going to college is not a choice, but rather a predetermined course that must be followed in order to meet professional goals.

So many students have passed up an opportunity to study something that they are truly interested in simply because it would not lead to a "practical" career.---Good point!

Those who study what they are interested in find a greater appreciation and enjoyment in their education, and their overall life experience is richer.

College students should seek to fulfill the goal of education: to further the knowledge and skills beneficial to their individual development, and the development of society as a whole.

In other words, individuals should seek to acquire knowledge necessary for improving every aspect of their lives , not just to benefit themselves in their prospective careers .

For instance, a college education further enhances one's ability to process and communicate ideas clearly, think critically, make intelligent and informative choices, etc.

You could add, financially AND spiritually. Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / And the Next Idol Is... (Common App short answer) [4]

Having sung in the choir for only two years, I decided to compete in my community's "American Idol".

The veterans looked down on me as if I was a toddler and they were royalty, but my song choice was strong and my passion, stronger.---Nice sentence!

With uplifting words from my colleagues I stepped onto the stage and drank in the sight of two thousand audience members intermingled...

My sharp tenor voice seamlessly married with the warm, rounded bass notes and I was in harmony.

The reverberations dissipated throughout the theater and I was left, beaming.---How about ..'and only I was left, beaming'? Or "..and I was left there, beaming".?

:)

Book Reports / Reginald Rose Twelve Angry Men text reponse [4]

The dramatist expresses this view by emphasizing that prejudice obstructs the course of justice, and the need to question what constitutes as a 'fact' when examining the evidence presented.

This is intended by the playwright as the value of each juror is as a social representation, not as individuals.

This is demonstrated by his confidence and the fact that he does not quail at the idea of 'stand(ing) alone' against a potentially unanimous 'guilty' verdict, as he eventually convinces other jurors that a young man's life is worth some discussion.

This is supported by the 3rd Juror's reluctance to changing his initial 'guilty' verdict and the manner in which he characterizes , 'kids...nowadays. Angry! Hostile!'.

Rose further conveys that irrational prejudice and justice is not compatible through the bigoted generalizations made, regarding the defendant.

As the 5th and 6th Jurors begin to think about the evidence logically, they realize , 'maybe he (the witness) didn't hear it', after all.

This is demonstrated by the ordinary citizens who are responsible for making a unanimous verdict. Rose emphasizes the need for reason, rationality and impartial decisions in the pursuit of justice.

Also, by concluding the play without ever informing the audience as to whether the defendant is guilty or innocent indicates that the truth about the events in question will never be revealed.

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Writing Feedback / my GRE argument of "investment in company of heating oil" [5]

-----In the first paragraph, you say 'the author' many times, making it too repetitive. Maybe you could say 'he' or 'she' for one or two of them.

A threshold problem with the argument involves specific conditions of the weather of the region.

The author provides no evidence about how was the weather condition in the past.

And if it is the case, last winter might have been a bit warmer than former ones, consequently, the utility of heating oil might decline to some extent rather than being increased.

Lacking such evidence, it is entirely possible that the prediction was based on inaccurate observation or that their research time was insufficient enough to bring them the correct result.

Finally, even if the author can support all of the foregoing assumptions, his recommendation that Consolidated...

Finally, to better evaluate the author's claim we would need more information about how long did below-average temperatures lasted in the past and what were the specific temperatures during the 90 days, as well as whether the prediction is based on reliable research by the university.

:)

Undergraduate / "I walked a distance of about 150 miles" - Common App - A Personal Experience [3]

A group of 9 teenagers and ---Should this say, 'including myself?'---myself walked a distance of about 150 miles, from Maria Stein, Ohio, to Cincinnati, Ohio.

It was a very prayerful and life changing experience, especially in regards to the places we saw and the people we met.

We stopped at many of the Catholic Churches along the way and experienced first-hand the influence the local churches have had on many of the early Irish and German settlers in my area.

... to Over-the-Rhine, an impoverished ghetto that is nationally infamous for being violent and gang-ridden .

They were two completely different worlds, existing right next to each other, almost mocking each others existence.

The festival was fenced in- or rather, the community was fenced out----Well said!

...and that it will open up a window of hope for these children, who are not told enough that they...

Your ending is beautiful! Nicely put! Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Undergraduate / Chamber Music - Common App Short Answer [2]

For the past seven years, playing the violin has given me the opportunity to participate in a variety of ensembles.

Out of them all, I enjoy playing in chamber music the most.

Whether we are playing Christmas music at hospitals and nursing homes, or accompanying the senior concertos, we find the pleasure in entertaining .

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / ANNA HAZARE and The crusade [2]

Anna H azare...someone who needs no description. ---Don't forget to leave a space between your sentences!---Also, he might need a description because not everyone has heard of him!

A mild-mannered person who has sieged delhi, ---This would sound better if you say he was an Indian social activist.

He is the government's nemesis. He joined the army in 1963, but---Also, always leave a space between any punctuation mark and your next word.

The crusade which he had developed,(using nonviolent methods, in the style of Ghandi) should have been developed years ago.

If that would have been developed long back, s uch a face of corruption would have never come up in front of mankind.

The unprecedented support which the country people gave him, truly shows that the country was fed up with corruption.

He is a very interesting man. I just read about him in Wikipedia, and am disappointed in myself for not knowing of him already. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'May and exams' - 1000 character common app elaboration on Ec [2]

May is perhaps the hardest month for me, as I am not only preparing for exams, but am also working on Liquid Paper, my school's literary magazine.

As editor, both sophomore and junior years, I organized over two hundred student entries of art, fiction and poetry into categories.

These categories, or sub-themes , are based on an overall theme.

But the time I put in is well worth it: our 2011 edition was awarded gold by the Columbia Scholastic Press Association.

There's also the process: gradually producing a hundred glossy pages from single scraps of paper-in essence, giving life to literature and art through a professional publication, something of which my school community can be proud. ----This should definitely come before the sentence about the award! You seem to have left the subject and then gone back to it.

Also, you started out by saying, May is the hardest month for 2 reasons. Shouldn't you say something more about exams, since you started with it? I don't know what the prompt was, but your first sentence is important. What exactly is the point you want to make?

:)

Writing Feedback / Modern Day Serial Killer (descriptive essay -material thing that has changed my life) [2]

Imagine if you could picture each and every person on earth who has died a slow, painful death due to the many harms caused by tobacco abuse, standing in a single file line.---How do you feel about dividing this into 2 sentences, like this?--- How long would you think that line could stretch?

Tobacco is one of the most addictive drugs legally sold all around the world, due to the extensive figures the product generates annually, and to think people continue paying the government to silently kill themselves seems absurd.---I think this should say "...to silently kill them ". 'Themselves' sounded like the government killing themselves.

...the taste of over four thousand chemical compounds, or the sight of hundreds of cigarette butts littering my front yard made me feel complacent about quitting.

Better health, a few extra bucks in your wallet, and an overall better appearance are all perks when it comes to dropping such an ugly habit.

The day I decided to quit smoking tobacco products truly changed my life for the better, and I can't thank myself enough.

I like your ending a lot! 'Can't thank myself enough' is funny and great! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / "You can't control grief" - an event that has impacted your life the most [3]

It has influenced the way I look at things in life, the way I look at myself and the way I look at others around me.

It was the same look she had worn for quite some time now and had gone unnoticed for far too long.

They started staying home more and tried to support me in everything I did.

I am so sorry for your loss. Good luck with school.

Undergraduate / "Frank taught me that my dreams were superficial" - influencial person [4]

I'm not surprised by this though, as Frank knows how to keep his customers content exceptionally well, and he sometimes even becomes friendly with them.

I've even noticed that Frank knows every single one of his customers on a first name basis.

...from how to tell a facetious story that can keep people talking for hours, to how to treat the people who you service.

From a young age, I've my dream job has always consisted of wearing a suit daily and working at the top of a massive skyscraper.

I hope your dream includes being a writer, as you seem like a natural at it. Good luck in school.

:)

Undergraduate / "Growing up as an only child" - UC where you come from [5]

My father is a comedian, is his own sense of the word, ---this is great!---and one of the most hard-working people I know.

I grew up in Martinez, which is a very small community, where I was surrounded by children that lived a similar lives to my own.

Everyone knew one another, and news traveled to the other side of town faster then you could drive there. :)

Here, I found something that took me to another world, a placeplaces other than my small town, and the people I had grown up with my whole life.

Mrs. Edmonds forever changed my life, and without her, reading, writing, and the English language would not be something I wished to pursue in college.

These people who have surrounded me for my almost 18 years of living not only make up my community...

:)

Undergraduate / "a promise to succeed" - Kinesiology Transfer UIUC [3]

With this new mindset I challenged myself to do my absolute best at Elgin Community College(ECC).

It was a mindset I should have had in high schooColor #FF0000 owever, this new change of atmosphere at ECC surely gave me a clean slate in which to better myself.

The root of my decision to become a physical therapist was due to my father.

Fueled by volunteering at my local hospital and my family's general interest in the medical field made me realize that being a physical therapist is the perfect career for me.

The ideas of strength, flexibility, m echanics, and coordination are all fascinating to me.

:)

Undergraduate / "got me wishing I'm a Yalie" - Why Yale?=Short answer [29]

Looking out from the window of my dad's car, all I could see were the unhappy faces of children deprived of their rights to a good home and education, pushed by their parents to beg for alms.

Throughout my childhood, my father was always the one responsible for making decisions relevant to my upbringing. and I have always considered that to be standard parenting, not until recently when I made a career decision and he entirely turned it down.

Having heard of various stories, where kids are not given the freedom to make their own career choices , I never thought that I would be faced ...

This realization motivated my decision topursue my career choice of becoming a Psychologist, because I know that acquiescing with the career decision he made for me ultimately meant forfeiting happiness.

Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Writing Feedback / Children should not be engaged in paid work till they finish their basic schooling [3]

Some people say that it adds a lifetimeof valuable experience to a child, which makes them more responsible, while others contend that negative impacts are huge and totally disregard this idea.

This work experience teaches them real life experiences and how hard it is to earn the money.

When children work in a shop, they will cultivate the habit of keeping things in the right order and at the right place.

Probably once they start earning money, they might get diverted from their studies and may drop out of school.

Another big risk, ---No comma here.--I see is child innocence would be lost as they would get exposed to realities of the world at such a juvenile age. Another biggest threat is it can result in child labor if not properly controlled.

Wonderful ending to your essay, and I agree with you 100%. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Writing Feedback / The amount of leisure time of working men and women - IELTS graph [3]

The graph shows the leisure time in a typical week enjoyed by each sex, compared with employment status during the period of 1998 - 1999.

For full-time employmentpeople employed full time , the amount of leisure time of men is higher than women.

However, females who were employed part-time have the recreation time at 40 hours within a week which is more than women who have full-time occupations, slightly.

According to the chart, it seems that women have the recreation time less than men reflecting the housekeeping works for whichfemales are commonly relied on to do.are commonly relied on females.

:)

Undergraduate / "Goodbye, uncle and aunt!" - significant risk, experience [7]

Thick make-up had changed their original appearances.

Mom screamed heartrendingly when my uncle and aunt were wheeled into the cremation chamber.

My uncle, who brought together our family at every Spring Festival, had become a heap of lifeless bonesashes ! With a gentle rub, white ashes showered down.

That's why most people scramble for them .

Nevertheless, these people are unaware that a storm will come sooner or later.

Even hundreds of years later, passers by will stop and commemorate the great architecture of the substantial building.

What a powerful essay! You are an excellent writer, and I hope you continue writing long after you're finished with school. Good luck and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / "piano wasn't really my idea of fun" - Common App [3]

I began playing the piano when I was about six years old.

I loved that the music could feel so real and so close, almost tangible. I love this sentence!

Rapid staccatos bringing life to a string of eighth-notes, then peaceful legatos mellowing out the tone; these beautiful combinations made it easy to appreciate piano.

You're very good at expressing yourself with words, too. Good luck in school and have fun.

:)

---

Undergraduate / 'GO on my phone screen' - URichmond: leaving my comfort zone [6]

I knew where all of the buildings were, what foods were better than others, who all of the counselors and teachers were, etc.

I couldn't get enough of his stories, and he sure could tell them .

I lifted the comforter off of my body, slipped into my flip-flops, and began to open the door of my bedroom.

This essay is great, and a very good answer to the prompt. You have an engaging and interesting writing style. Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / "Not anti-social nor a party animal" - Common App [4]

Until 7th or 8th grade, it never really mattered.

After 8th grade, a lot of the people whom I'd grown up with transferred to other schools .

Even within a tight group, some people are inherently better friends. That's just how it works.

It seems absurd that I should be so upset about such an , in the larger scheme of things, insignificant issue.

I guess everybody has something .---I think this would sound cool if you said 'everybody has some form of an Achilles heel'.--- This was mine.

For nearly two years, throughout 9th and most of 10th grades, I felt like an actor reduced to cameos.---Nice sentence!

Many of them have graduated, but nothing has changed in our relationships .

Living on the edge, to you means something different! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Letters / 'in order to be a successful educator...' - One paragraph of mine introduce letter [3]

Shortly after my graduation, I began looking for a teaching job that best fitted my education and experience.

Fortunately I was hired by the XX High School District as a student attendant position, and this job lasted for two years.

This job made me realize that in order to be a successful educator, besides my education and experience, I need to bring a great deal of passion into it.

My career path shifted when I left the job for my child-bearing for a short period of time.

However, I was fortunately hired by the Alum Rock School District as a para-educator II and I have been working for them ever since.

:)

Graduate / PTCAS Essay: My motivation for pursuing a career in Physical Therapy [2]

I can use my passion and knowledge of science in a way that will allow me to be "hands-on" in making a long lasting impact on the people for whom I would provide therapy.

My passion for helping people has always been a prominent aspect of my character. I care deeply for the well being of others and in return am deeply moved by them.

My contribution to this mission included helping people fill out paper work, performing dental cleanings alongside of dental hygiene students, and assisting both a general dentist and an oral surgeon.

It was always a good day when children were added to the No Cavity Club.---This is great!

The inspirational stories I hear from friends and family only fuel my interest in Physical Therapy.

They'll be very lucky to have you as a student! Good luck in all you do!

:)

Writing Feedback / Nation's well being with a Gross National Happiness Index [4]

Bhutan is the first country that tracks its nation's well being with a Gross National Happiness Index.---This is so great!

A child asks her mother, "What is happiness?" A nd her mother answers, "It is when I'm with you".

The perception of how to attain happiness differs in each individual.

In this aspect, advertisers take advantage of this and propagate the notion that true happiness lies in the next purchase.---Well said!

Advertisers bombard consumers with advertisements to establish in their minds a strong association between the accumulation of wealth possession and happiness.

Thus, people are coaxed into believing that their well being and self-worth are defined by what they drive, what they wear, and what they use.

:)

Graduate / (the area of Asset Management) - essay about purpose of taking this program [3]

Specifically, I plan to pursue a career in the area of Asset Management, working as an analyst or fund manager.

Now I have an intense aspiration to develop a new tool based on behavioral finance and divination to predict the performance of financial market.

At present, I'm not even sure it's feasible in theory.

It will be a unconventional tool like financial astrology in western world, which is utilized in the financial market although it hasn't been admitted by the public.

Secondly, the methods to apply to theories of investment strategies will help me finish the design of the tool, so...

Lastly , I need a c redential that can open the door for me to entry finance.

Have fun and good luck!

:)

Graduate / SOP required for california baptist university psychology programme [2]

It's a little bit funny that it has to do with religion, and you're asking for help to cheat! We can't write the essay for you! It won't be so bad once you get started, just take one question at a time, then simply answer it in an honest way! Only you can do that. When you finish, send it back here and we'll help you to make it as perfect as we can!

Good luck and have fun!

:)

Letters / Reference Letter for myself after a summer internship in a law firm [4]

I help them choose the right business entity, drafts corporate bylaws and LLC operating agreements, negotiates contracts and software licenses, and provides comprehensive trademark and copyright counseling.

[my first name] helped draft interrogatories, requests for production and requests for admission in the discovery process of a civil lawsuit.

She was very capable of working independently, and seeking direction at appropriate points in her work.

Roxane showed great competency in the English language and has excellent writing skills.

I was particularly impressed by her ability to produce a well-written, well-structured and well-reasoned legal memorandum .

She is bright, hard working and a capable young woman with very good E nglish and legal skills.

This is so great! If I ever need another reference letter, I'm looking you up! You're an excellent writer!
Good luck with school and have fun.

:)

Undergraduate / (Choosing what to be when growing up) - from colombia to texas UT transfer [4]

Choosing what you want to be when growing up is a very challenging decision, but sometimes we are born with our passions very clear.

Since then, I have discovered my passion for the aerospace engineering.

This field has completely caught my attention up .

I come from a father who is a pilot and I think he is the one who has transmitted to me the passion for airplanes and has given me the opportunity to learn about them.

When I was in 5th grade I got the opportunity to assist at a space camp at the Kennedy space center located at Cape Cańaveral, Fl.

C alculus and science always held my attention because I was able to think critically in a logical order.

I was accepted at Universidad Pontificia Bolivariana to start on January 2010, and as soon as I started my studies...

This is coming along nicely! When you are finished, send it back through, and we'll have another look. Good luck with it!

:)

Undergraduate / Tips and help with Personal Statement as well as an example of personal statement! [3]

Tell a s tory b e truthful, and stick to the facts; yet, think of your personal statement in the terms of writing a story.

Find an a ngle.

Finding an angle is vital. Brainstorm for ideas that emphasize your exceptional qualities, goals, and past performances.

Concentrate on y our o pening p aragraph.

They should be interested in you, eager to hear more, impressed that
 what you are saying to them is not what they have read a thousand times before.

:)

Graduate / "Misfortune, godsend, disconnectedly connected"- SoInterest- Part Deux [4]

You are beautiful, intelligent and unique. The world needs more people like you.

Graduate / Personal Statement for Marketing division of Student Government Association at UCF [2]

Everything was new; professors, roommates, friends, and ultimately, a new community.

Even though I felt like a fish out of water, my first year at UCF as I remember it made me feel at home, and I attribute the number one reason for this to being informed about all the happenings and activities of the campus.

Working with the ECC means I can be a part of the process that informs students of the great benefits that UCF has to offer.

Furthermore, advertising and marketing have developed into blossoming interests of mine.

My personal theme to live by is balance, and this is present in most aspects of my life including my attitude towards accomplishing work.

I produce excellent results on my own, but also excel collaborating with the ideas of others in a group.

I can be flexible or decisive,---Flexible AND decisive might sound better!--- and I have a knack for perceiving something as how someone else would see it.

...Association Block Party, I realized the tremendous support that SGA has put into making the cultural event a reality.

With that being said, I am excited to have a chance to work with the Student Government Association.

Nice! Have fun and good luck!

:)

Graduate / "Misfortune, godsend, disconnectedly connected"- SoInterest- Part Deux [4]

...parents was beyond unfortunate and ultimately life altering, the processes and lessons prior to and leading up to the present were a godsend.

...children, youth and adults with developmental disabilities with various life-skills , employment and leisure tasks.

We all have a purpose, and mine is to think outside the box, see the hidden connections, hear and understand peoples' stories, and create global ties.

We are an interconnected world, traveling our individual paths, yet we are affected by each other through camaraderie and crisis every day .---Two words for every day.

You are an amazing writer and a wonderful person! I have spent years working with adults with developmental disabilities, and the job is quite unique. It's the hardest most rewarding, amazing, loving, uplifting, happy job you can have, while going home with bite marks on your arms and spit in your hair and a big smile.

Good luck in all you do!

:)

Scholarship / fascination towards biology and chemistry - MUIS scholarship [2]

The rapid developments in the field of bio molecular sciences, coupled with my fascination for biology and chemistry have led me to want to p The pursue a Bachelor of Science degree with a major in bio molecular sciences.

I used to keep sending hundreds of e mails every day to see if the universities were offering any scholarships and most of the time I did not get a reply.

Also by gaining a scholarship, I can continue wholeheartedly on the path to graduation and a degree.

I confidently believe that with the qualifications I will gain at Macquarie University, if selected for this scholarship, will permit me to make valuable contributions in research projects which aim at creating a better Bangladesh.

I believe my academic accomplishments speak of hard work and strong will power, making me a choice candidate for this prestigious scholarship.

As stated earlier, this scholarship will be a huge benefit not only for me, but hopefully for my country as well.

Your essay is very well written and thought out. It shows that they'll be lucky to have you as a student. Good luck with school.

:)

Undergraduate / I have to write an essay about my favorite book and I choose the old story [2]

I have some bad news...you should really choose a book. When an essay is assigned, you are partly judged on how well you comprehend and follow the instructions. You must have read at least one book which stands out among the rest, like which one made you feel the most emotion? If you choose one which affected your life in any way, it will be easy to write. Then send it back here and we'll have a look at it!

What you wrote is heart felt and interesting, but does not fit the assignment. Sorry!

:)

Writing Feedback / Reward for the performance of employees is a way of management (article review) [4]

First, the reading claims that the ties between performance and reward cause of increasing the productivity.---This sentence makes no sense!

The professor rebuts this point by saying that in many times the reward decreases the productivity.

On the other hand, the professor illustrates that the failure to get a reward could cause of disappointment among employees, so according to the professor it could reduce the productivity.

:)

Undergraduate / "Adventures in Watch Collecting"- Common App essay [3]

For watch collectors, howthe way in which a piece is ---I just took the liberty of changing this, but it was fine the other way.

---acquired is frequently as meaningful as the piece itself.

As fate would have it, I was at a local pawn shop one day looking for an external hard drive, when I noticed a young man walk in with an old watch.

Despite all the scratches and dirt, I automatically recognized it as an all original 6105-8000 model, worth over $400 even in the condition it was in.

The young man looked at me as though I had _______________.---Two heads---lost my mind---just saved his life---

I proceeded to explain to him the value of the watch and how, after factoring in the service and replacement parts, $200 was more than a fair price.---This sends up a little red flag of doubt about the story! You would not have told him it was more than fair if you offered more than what he wanted. (This is just what it looks like.)

Wow, nice ending! Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Graduate / "Accessibility, efficiency, efficacy & quality"- SoI- Global Public Health [2]

...I find my thoughts wandering and expanding from an individual perspective, to a global, community-based perspective where the emphasis is abouton health care accessibility, education, promotion and prevention.

I am especially driven to explore the social and environmental determinants of mental health, and its correlation to other health conditions or disorders.

I believe that I am a student with the intellectual capacity and the passion and commitment to excel in your program.

Your essay is excellent. Good luck in school!

:)