Writing Feedback / Both genders go out of their homes to do jobs spending too much time at work [10]

Hi friends. I gave my IELTS exam on 12th Feb,2011 and today I got my score- 7.5 bands overall with listening-8.5, reading-8, writing-6.5 and speaking-7... EF_KEVIN asked me to share my experience so here it is..the writing task2 was as follows... the essay i wrote was quite similar to the following essay in terms of structure,ideas, main lines and other important things. do respond and give your replies. :)

Question- In many countries both genders go out of their homes to do
jobs spending too much time at work than at home.does the advantage of
this kind of employment outweighs its bad effects on their family
life?

MY ANSWER-

The modernization has completely transformed people's perception. In the modern society, both male and female members are goal oriented and do jobs (in many families). Some people say that its disadvantageous when both the family members go to do jobs. However, many social reforms and the modern outlook has proved that both male and female members have the right to follow their goals

Most importantly, when both genders go to do job, they provide financial security to the family. Money is a very important thing, without which basic needs can't be fulfilled. In addition, both the genders have the right to follow their dreams. In the modern world, both males and females work hard in their academic fields to accomplish their goals. It would be a waste of time if they don't follow their dreams. For instance, how would a girl who worked hard to get a professional degree and is asked to sit at home and take care of a child? Of course, her dreams would be shattered.

Interestingly, some people believe that women are not as competent as men. This is a myth, far from reality. Time and again, women have proved their mettle. However, when both the genders spend too much time at workplace, the family life is affected. They pay less attention to the kids and also their private lives are disturbed. Moreover, mental stress is developed to balance both the work and the family duties. However, there are many couples who know how to balance their lives.Nothing is free in this world, adjustments have to be made. There are numerous advantages of both the genders working, while the disadvantages can be controlled.

Thus, both the genders have the right to work on their goals. Life is all about facing new challenges, and this balancing is one of them. The advantages of the employment trend of both the male and family members working surely outweighs the disadvantages which can be controlled and dealt with.

Faq, Help / Moderators may only be able to comment... [6]

TO THE MODERATORS:
- Due to high volume of requests,
moderators may only be able to comment
once on each essay!

I read this note while posting my essays each time. But its my personal experience n observation that u all keep responding to the same threads again n again (manytimes) and dont even care to respnd to the unanswered threads until they start rotting in that section. Is there any sort of priority order which you all follow or is it just random? Kindly enlighten us so that we should know what we should expect? I know u all r humans and also have busy lives. But if u can get the time to reply to same threads again n again, then i feel u can also get it to respond to Unanswered ones to... do enlighten us? People who r not moderators,please dont answer it. Call this as complain or request or whatever....

Writing Feedback / IELTS- student behaviour- causes and solutions [7]

Question-
in many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

My essay-

Educating is a tedious task which needs meticulous efforts. Lately, there have been many incidents of student violence in educational institutions. A student is not the sole culprit in such cases. In fact, the circumstances and the society is also responsible for a young mind to go berserk.

Importantly, students face cut-throat competition in the modern world. The pressure of studies and the expectations enveloping a student's mind makes them vulnerable. Also, family pressure, like financial situations, problems with parents, disturbing and unfriendly family environment aggravates a student's problems. Moreover, lack of psychological and sociological understanding on part of school authorities creates new problems for students to face.

Nonetheless, bullying is a problem which many students face. Public embarassment makes them turn violent and vent their rage. According to many psychologists, violent movies, shows and videogames have a negative effect on student behaviour and their tender minds. All the mentioned causes and some other unknown reasons have a severe negative influence on students. Students tend to become either very inactive and scared or they turn very violent. For instance, my cousin studying in high school was recently scolded by his teacher. His friends were caught sniffing drugs, so he was also under suspicion. When the teacher's tried to ask him name of other students, he behaved in a very disrespecting and rude manner. Such behaviour is unsuitable in a school. Similarly, there have been cases of students carrying firearms and killing innocent people in schools of USA and many countries.

Tackling unruly student behaviour will require efforts from all- parents, society, school and the student themself. Proper counselling and guidance should be given to students to ease their inner turmoil. Parents should also have a friendly and understanding behaviour towards their child. They should refrain their child from watching too many violent movies or playing such games. In addition, proper surveillance systems should be in schools/colleges to not let students carry any firearm or guns. A proper guidance with love and understanding would be a better approach than punishing, threatening or disgracing students infront of their classmates.

Lastly, a student is like a clay which can be moulded in any shape. The society, parents and teachers should discuss problems of the students and the students should also complain freely about any problem they face. Young minds are very delicate and they need utmost proper care and guidance. Implementing the measures will make students curious for knowledge and motivate them them not to behave in an unruly manner.

Writing Feedback / IELTS- creativity-should it be given freedom or restrictions? [4]

topic-
Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas (in words, pictures, music or film) in whichever way they wish. there should be no government restrictions on what they do. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

answer-

Creativity is the ability to think beyond the obvious. Many governments restrict the artistic works of the creative minds. Creativity originates in a free mind. Hence, creative artists must be given the freedom to express their ideas without any restrictions.

Time and again, creative artists like Michaelangelo, Picasso, Salman Rushdie, Shakespeare etc. have made artistic works which gave a social message. Right from sculptures to paintings, books to drama and movies, all these artistic works have reflected the contemporary social issues of different eras. Creative works help to create social awareness by giving a social message.

Nonetheless, innovative works makes people realise things in a peaceful way and peep into their own conscience. It helps to raise issues and criticise the wrong doings of the governments. For instance, Bangladeshi writer Taslima Nasrin was accused of acting against the government, just because she raised a social issue. This type of approach is a hurdle in promoting creative minds. In addition, creativity also gives aesthetic charm.

Unfortunately, many governments restrict the artists. Frank Zappa once said, " Mind is like a parachute, it doesn't work if its not open." Restrictions would just curb the innovative ideas of the artists and would limit their brains. Like the media, artists should also be given the freedom to express their ideas freely.

However, artists should also know not to hurt the sentiments of the people. Many artists have been involved in controversies because of hurting the religious or social beliefs of the common people. Artists should have self-awareness not to create vulgar, hurtful or useless works which do not serve any purpose. I firmly believe that artists should be given the freedom of expression. Mind can not work when it is chained in boundaries. Imagination is at its best when the mind is relaxed and free from the fear of government or any restrictive laws.

Writing Feedback / IELTS-experience or born traits?which is more effective? [6]

Topic-Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

Answer-

Personality is a very important trait which accelerates the development of an individual. It is said that the first impression is the last impression. Personality gives that first impression to anyone we meet. Personality is often thought as physical appearance, but it includes the attitude,aptitude,behaviour and physical appearance, all amalgamated in one term. Some researchers believe that the born characteristics are more important for the development of personality than the real experiences of life. However, real experiences in life is the driving force which can have both, good or bad, effects on an individual's personality.

Most importantly, experience helps in learning and sharpening of one's skills. Experience aids in identifying the weaknesses and turning it into strength. Exposure determines the effect on an individual. When a person has a good social circle, comprising intelligent, skilled and dedicated people, it will inspire the individual and they will also learn new things. Thus, exposure and the experiences gained from it will affect the approach and overall skills of an individual.

Nevertheless, personality development depends on the determination,efforts and the experiences gained from it. Education systems have included personality development classes to let the students share their thoughts and have new learning experiences. For instance, Arnold Schwarznegger was born in a farmer family, in Austria. It was due to his efforts and the experiences he gained which made him the world known body-builder and then the Governor of California.

However, some people think that born characteristics are enough for the development. But this is a myth, far from reality. A diamond is a very precious stone. But without proper polishing, it will remain as black as the coal along with which it is found. In the same way, experience is the polishing which is required to develop the skills and personality of an individual.

Without harnessing a field, crop can't grow to its full potential. Experience is that tool which harnesses an individual and affects their overall character. Companies in this modern era look for experienced employees because they know all the possible situations which can arise. Experience reduces mistakes and increases the overall efficiency. Thus, I firmly believe that experience is more important than any born talent. Without experience, one can not grow or learn and this will be eventually detrimental to the overall development. Experience is a lubricant which reduces friction while facing various situations in life.