Writing Feedback / Expository essay NUCLEAR POWER - I did a lot of language mistakes [2]

Greetings!

Yes, a language mistake would probably be a problem with the grammar. I have made some corrections for you:

Nuclear power can be seen as a problem, not a solution to a problem. There are differing opinions about the accuracy of this statement.

Generally, nuclear power has its own benefits. It can attract economic improvement with the long-term nature of nuclear power. The demand of energy is increasing in Southeast Asian countries and they are converting to nuclear power. For instance, Thailand, Indonesia and Vietnam make their strategies to build the first plant by 2015 at the earliest. Their aim is to fuel the growing economies by the use of nuclear power. Thailand's energy Minister believes that it is proven technology and will maintain the growth of the country.

Although clean energy, with nuclear energy, disposal of nuclear waste is the one of the problems. Radiation from nuclear waste can be spread through the water cycle and there can be leakage of radiation into the environment as it dumped in rural settings. Therefore, public health is affected in areas surrounding nuclear plants. Additionally, reactor accidents and the threat of weapons proliferation are also problems. For example, the Chernobyl accident and catastrophic attacks by terrorists. The radiaoactive material is often set as a target for terrorist sabotage.

In my opinion, nuclear power probably affects humans negatively. It has many dangerous aspects. Besides that, if nuclear power is going to replace fossil fuels, it needs enormous expense for the storage of radioactive waste.

Conclusion: As the result of this, nuclear power may a problem or a solution. There is very little useful research on nuclear power by scientists. Besides that, we unable predict what will happen with nuclear energy in the future. Thus, nuclear power should be used only in proper ways and we must find the best way for waste storage, so that the next generation will have a more secure environment.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on multiple intelligences and learning styles [14]

Greetings!

I think it is turning out very well! One thing I want to caution you to look for is not to mix up singular and plural. For example:

"To be an effective learner one has to be aware of their cognitive strengths and weaknesses and aware of the way in which they learn. " One person cannot be "they"; it is best to find another way to put it, such as "To be effective learners, people must be aware..." Or, in the alternative, "To be an effective learner, one has to be aware of one's cognitive strengths and weaknesses, and the way in which learning occurs."

A grammar correction: The results of the multiple intelligences survey has helped to identify the weaker areas of my intelligence which I have been overlooking,

Your introduction is a little short, I suppose, but the main thing is that a paragraph should normally be at least three sentences. You could easily make yours into three:

Howard Gardner's theory of Multiple Intelligences provides that the awareness of one's own learning processes is an essential part of becoming an effective learner. This theory will be examined through the analysis of two separate surveys, one of which is a cognitive style survey and the second a learning style survey. In addition, Gardner's theory will also be examined to observe how the integration of his theory supports effective learning strategies.

I think your ending is actually not bad as is, but certainly a summarizing paragraph would not be a bad idea. You would just touch on the main points made in your essay.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Help on worldview essay - your thoughts about creation and history of life. [4]

Greetings!

You'll want your introduction to state your thesis, so you'll need to decide beforehand what position you are going to take on the topic. That is, you will state your position on creation and the primeval history of Earth and life, and how confident you are that your position is the correct one. For example: "Life on Earth evolved over billions of years, and continues to evolve to this day. While no one can say for sure where life came from, the Big Bang Theory is the one which appears to be the most logical." Of course, you might take a completely different viewpoint.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Cannery Row Project... Steinbeck [6]

Greetings!

Your instructor made it clear that "complacency" is one of the themes which should be discussed. I'm not sure that "caring," per se, is a theme. You might want to consult the list of terms that you were given to see if you can find something that fits what you were trying to say.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / King Lear essay tracing Lear's progress in Act 2 [24]

It's up to sarahmk, but I think if I had worked as hard on the assignment as she has, I would be reluctant to give it out. ;-)

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / foreign language quotes and bibliography [2]

Greetings!

These are excellent questions! Unfortunately, as far as I can tell, they are not addressed in the APA manual. The safest thing to do would be to ask your instructor. If you can't do that, logic would suggest that, unless you know that your reader speaks (reads) Japanese, there is little point in quoting it in the original Japanese. If the work has ever been translated into English, you would, ideally, use the translated version. Otherwise, if you are translating it yourself, you could simply say, in your parenthetical citation, (trans. by author). I can't say that this is standard, but as the APA manual does not answer this question, I think that's the best solution.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Why international community failed to prevent & stop Rwandan genocide? Need help [2]

Greetings!

If I understand the assignment correctly, you are to come up with a theory (or find one in your research) which helps to explain why the genocide was not prevented. In that case, I would think that you would propose that theory as a possible solution, that is, an answer to the question, and show why that theory does or does not explain what happened. You would probably just want to use the one theory as your main argument; however, you could, if you wanted, present other theories and tell why they are not workable. It probably depends a lot on how long the paper must be. If you need to fill out ten pages, you will probably need to touch on more reasons/theories than if it is only a five page paper.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / About Me essay (Karina raised in Kazahstan) [5]

Greetings!

You've written a good essay! Here are some editing suggestions for you:

which is located in Central Asia and was part of the former Soviet Union.

I still cannot believe that he is gone.

My mother and I came to the United States four years ago.

She is a very strong and good person. She is the one who influenced me to go to college.

I like to play piano, to play big tennis and go to the gym.

Unfortunately, I don't have much time to hang out with my friends now, because I sacrifice my free time to learn. But it is worth it

where students can get the best education and the necessary skills in their majors.

I hope after one year I will get my degree in Paralegal Studies and find a good job as a Paralegal in a law firm.

I hope I will get the best knowledge and the necessary skills that will shape my life in the future.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Othello is a fool and jealous man - the outline, is it good? [2]

Thesis: Othello is a foolish and jealous man who could not believe his fair and attractive wife.
I. Othello's outside looks strong and honest, but his internal side is weak and diffident.
A. His accomplishment shows that he is strong.
1. He has risen through the ranks of the Venetian army through his hard work and success in a battle.
2. He is in great demand by the duke and senate, and he is a respected person.
B. His vision does not allow him to see far.
1. As a Mongolian proverb says, "In order for the jay birds to sit on the hill, you must first erect the hill." If Othello didn't provoke Iago, he couldn't confront his tragedy.

2. He couldn't see that his wife is a fair; besides, he kills his wife Desdemona by ransom of his weakness.[This does not really make sense.]

II. Desdemona is a smart and a strong woman who has capacity to fascinate others.
A. But she really loves her husband as he is.
B. She just wants to help Cassio who serves under Othello, because she is a sympathetic person.
III. Iago is a main character who controls the play, and he is someone who can admit himself. [Can admit what to himself?]
A. Iago is able to manipulate others to do things in a way that benefits him and gets him closer to his goals.
1. Most characters are influenced by Iago such as Cassio, Roderigo, and Othello.
B. He can show who is Othello, and his weakness to others.
IV. Othello's sin against Desdemona is as heinous as Iago's sin against Othello.

Remember to keep your outline brief and simple. You will fill in the details when you write the essay.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay about awesome Soccer - edit it today [3]

Greetings!

I think your English is coming along great, considering the short time you've been studying it! I have made some corrections for you. Because there are quite a few, I won't take the time to highlight them, so you might want to just compare this version to your own, to see where changes were made:

To summarize, watching soccer is quite fun and attractive me. [I'd delete this sentence.]

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / What did I learn at Oriental Institute? - essay [4]

Greetings!

That's very good! Just remember that, most of the time, nouns in English will require an article (a, an or the). So, make it say "For example, in the Egyptian showcase, models of workshops were placed in tombs, because it was believed that the tiny figures in the model could provide for the deceased in the afterlife."

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / How to write Memo about cultural differences to assist manager [12]

Greetings!

I'll have to make a guess as to the first part. It seems to me that conflict is only an effective business tool when it engenders discussion and results in more possible solutions to problems. Conflict without any resolution would tend to cause frustration and bad feelings.

Work ethic differences refers to the different ways that people approach their work. For example, some people can only do their best work when under the pressure of a tight deadline. When the heat is on, they produce results. Others do not like to be rushed, and prefer to have a schedule set out in advance, or an opportunity to mull over their plan of action before beginning. Some people procrastinate, but deliver at the end; others procrastinate and never really come through. A person's own personal work ethic is like an internal set of rules that the person lives by--whether or not that person is really aware of having the work ethic.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Is learning history important? - essay [3]

Greetings!

You have written a very good essay! Here are some editing suggestions for you:

cannot be apart from history.

Some people may assume that the past is something which happened long time ago.

For instance, we definitely know how tragic the result of war is from the cases of World Wars I and II and the Civil war in our history. From the devastating events in the past, we come to know that war can never be justified whatever the causes are.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / Need help with Postgrad Design admission essay. [8]

Greetings!

There is no set length for a graduate admission essay, if the school did not give you a word limit. I would suggest that you try writing it and see how long it is. Probably a couple of pages is adequate, but it really will depend on how much you have to say, without padding or leaving out important information. Yours could be longer or shorter.

The graduate admission essay should describe your academic interests explicitly and demonstrate how your previous experience has led you to want to attend this school, and how these experiences have qualified you for future studies in your field. Link your past experiences to the future career you envisage. This will support the statements you are making about your qualifications and potential for success in the program. Making statements about your potential without referencing your previous accomplishments will result in an essay that sounds hollow and clichéd. Be sure to mention relevant courses you have taken, as well as papers you have written, and any presentations or publications you have produced. All of these show you are qualified to continue researching in your area, and that you are committed to your chosen field.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Problems with bad student behavior - Solutions [3]

Greetings!

Your essay makes some good points! Here are some editing suggestions:

Nowadays, most schools encounter the problem that their students cause trouble in school. There are many reasons why this problem is becoming more common and severe.

Firstly, the children are not bad but they are not taught properly by their schools and families. Since the children are too young to distinguish between good and bad behavior, they copy all behavior from the people surrounding them, such as their parents and neighbors. Secondly, the students may exhibit bad behavior because they have problems with some subjects and become frustrated or bored. It is apparent that most bad behavior comes from students who also study badly.

In my opinion, there is no common solution to make every student better. However, the schools must analyze every case and have appropriate actions. For example, if a student had bad behavior because of his bad scores, we may help by having his teacher or friends teach him and explain what he has not understood. If the bad behavior comes from a student's characteristics, we should let him take an important role, such as a leading position, in his class. This will help because with this new position, that student may think that he is a useful student and consequently, he will avoid trouble to keep the position and make the class better. If a student is affected by his family, we should have a meeting with his parents and ask them to cooperate with the school to make their child better. This solution will work because all parents love their children and want the best thing for them.

To sum up, there are many causes for the bad behavior of students. To completely solve this problem, we must investigate to understand the causes behind each case and have appropriate actions to use against them. I would like to emphasize that everyone is good when they are born. It is what happens later that forms the person into one whose behavior is good or bad.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Explantory Essay: About Revenge [4]

Greetings!

Normally, when I think of an explanatory essay, I think of a "how-to" type of essay: how to make fudge, how change the oil in your car, how to write an explanatory essay, etc. However, explanatory essays can also cover the reasons for something, e.g., why does revenge exist? Your essay does cover the "why" of revenge, so to that extent it is explanatory. I can't tell you for sure if this is what your instructor is looking for, however.

Here are some editing suggestions for what you have so far:

Perhaps most commonly known as 9/11 was the day many were exposed to the revenge of Al Qaeda. Many innocent people were killed because Al Qaeda felt that the United States was an infidel in their country.

Revenge is designed to get retribution for a wrongwhich has been done. Revenge can bring closure to the person who feels he has been wronged, but after the act of revenge the other person may take revenge as well.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Physical therapy or other career - application essay [2]

Greetings!

It would help if I knew the purpose of your essay. Is this for an admissions essay to a university? Or for an English class? Or something else?

Here are some editing tips on what you have so far:

I said no to that and thought about becoming an engineer.

You seem to start out saying you are not sure whether you really want to be a physical therapist. Then, in the second paragraph, you call it your "goal" and seem certain of it. You might want to consider which approach you want; you can't really have it both ways.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / What did I learn at Oriental Institute? - essay [4]

Greetings!

Your essay is filling out very well! Here are some suggestions:

I had almost forgotten what a museum is.

And there were the some script of cuneiform. - I'm not sure what you were trying to say here; perhaps "And there were some cuneiform scripts, as well"?

There was a board which showed the development of cuneiform, and there were some words that were used in ca 3200 B.C- 600 B.C with explanations of their meaning.

For instance, if you want to say "eat food" or "drink water" in that ancient language, you would say "ku ninda", or "ku a".

When I saw some showcases in different empires, many objects were similar.

For example, models of workshops where located in Egyptian gallery was placed in tombs, - this last part in bold does not really make sense.

Have you ever thought about how ancient children played?

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Jean Piaget - how is my grammar-Psych paper? [7]

We cannot remove posts, as this free site exists to help students learn from each other. However, you do not need to be concerned about plagiarism because you listed your name when you signed up, and your posts can thus be proved to be your own. You can prove that you were the original author of the work.

Writing Feedback / Jean Piaget - how is my grammar-Psych paper? [7]

Greetings!

I don't find your analysis weak. There are a few places where the expression of your analysis could be a little smoother, or where you had run-on sentences. Here are some editing suggestions:

however there was a slight deviation from Piaget's theory concerning egocentrism. Child A, when viewing the conservation of volume task, was influenced by the perceptual cue of height. This shows that she is concerned with one characteristic of an object, ignoring other aspects, which is what Piaget believes a preoperational child would do.

During the conservation of area task, child A continues to focus on one characteristic excluding all others. This time it was the amount of space covered by blocks.

The reason for this could be because the picture the experimenter was looking at was a pizza slice. When the pizza slice picture was shown to child A to identify, she became very excited and called out to her mother, "Look, pizza!"

Piaget believed that children learn conservation systematically which he labelled horizontal declage.

The reason for this could be because the child was bored by this time, and the picture was an un-stimulating representation of a house. She could not remember what the picture was; however she did know the experimenter was looking at a different picture than she was; she just couldn't recall what the picture was.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / How to write Memo about cultural differences to assist manager [12]

Greetings!

Yes, I think that would be a good plan. :-) Start out with a general statement of what the memo is about, as I demonstrated (you can use mine if you like) and then use the subsequent paragraphs to discuss each of the issues. Your instructions don't say what the minimum word or page count is, but if it's meant to be close to 10 pages, you'll want to go into quite a bit of detail to fill it out.

Let me know if I can be of further help!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Help on worldview essay - your thoughts about creation and history of life. [4]

Greetings!

It sounds like this essay is really an exploration of the creationism vs. evolution debate. It is interesting that, in a biology essay instruction, the word "belief" comes up several times. However, that is the nature of this controversial debate. Let's look at the questions one at a time:

a) What do I personally believe about creation and the primeval history of Earth and life, and how confident am I in this belief? - You will need to ask yourself, do you believe that all life on Earth evolved from single-celled structures to the complex life of today? Or do you believe that God created the Earth in seven days? Or that the time frames given in the book of Genesis are metaphorical and meant to represent much longer periods, but that the origin of life on Earth was, nonetheless, created by a deity, perhaps the "Intelligence" of a power found in the "Intelligent Design" theory?

b) Why do I hold this belief, with the confidence level described? - Do your beliefs come from scientific study? Religious teachings? Your own personal quest for knowledge?

i) lay out and discuss scientific data and theories in support your position - This is fairly self-explanatory. If you tend towards Intelligent Design, there are some scientists who agree with you, and many who do not. You will need to do some research. There is a lot of information available on Darwinian evolution and other theories.

ii) discuss data and theories in conflict with your position, and show why you choose to take your position in face of this conflict. - This is a continuation of your research, giving the opposition's position.

c) What difference does this belief make in broader life and thought how I think of and relate to natural world. - This is a philosophical question. Does your belief about the origin of life color the rest of your life? (For instance, if a person believes in the literal words of the Bible, their religion is probably a big part of their life.) How do you feel about "nature"? Why?

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Explantory Essay: About Revenge [4]

Greetings!

Actually, I laughed out loud at your last sentence...if you think your instructor would not mind a bit of dark humor, you might consider leaving that as your closing sentence. :-) If you think your instructor is looking for a less casual style, though, you might want to eliminate that part and go on to include a summary of your main points.

The part that, for me, does not seem to fit very well is the paragraph about your own personal experiences. It was a rather abrupt jump to go from talking about your experience with your friend to talking about 9/11. It might work better if your next paragraph began with a sentence something like "Revenge can, of course, be on a much larger, more dangerous scale. Terrorism is an example. Terrorism is an act of revenge between two parties that involve horrible acts which usually kill innocent people..." That way the transition is smoother.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / How to write Memo about cultural differences to assist manager [12]

Greetings!

Memos are usually designed to either to inform the reader of a new piece of information, or to request the reader to take some sort of action. Here, your memo's purpose is to inform Landswork managers about what cultural differences they will face when the new operation is inaugurated.

Typically, memos begin with a heading like this:

TO:
FROM:
DATE:
SUBJECT:

The following paragraphs will then present the background of the issue that is the subject of the memo (Ex: "Managers will face certain cultural differences when the new operation is opened. This memo will explain business protocols, rituals, interrelation mores and other aspects of the industrial relations environment in the local country.")

I would suggest that you begin writing your memo (since you are familiar with these cultural differences and I am not) and then I will help you edit it. You might want to just post a couple of pages at a time, so we can work on it as you go along.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "Everything's An Argument" - Evaluative Essay [5]

Greetings!

Ah, I see! It makes more sense now. :-) I think your grammar and sentence structure is very good. I particularly like the way you vary your sentence length so that the rhythm does not become monotonous. The only suggestions I would have would be with regard to punctuation--most specifically, commas and semicolons. For example:

With their super-star, George Mikan,

The Lakers returned to the NBA championship in 2004 with their "dream team," only to be defeated in five games by the Detroit Pistons. (In American English, always put periods and commas inside the quotation mark. The only exception is for single letters: the letter "A".

Actually, nothing! - Here, you want a comma instead of a semicolon.

Interpreted in current sports terms: "a succession of champions from the same organization." And here, you want a full colon. Semicolons divide two complete phrases, the second of which follows from the first. Here, you can't use a semicolon because the first phrase would be a fragment.

I, for one, can hardly wait.

I'll look forward to reading more of your work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Need a good outline for a research paper on stem cell research [2]

Greetings!

The easiest thing to do would probably be to begin by searching in your school's online databases. Using search terms like "stem cell research" and then narrowing it down with "stem cell research treatments" and "stem cell ethics" and so on, should help you find out what information is available in each of those categories. There's little point in deciding what "specific things" you want to include, if you cannot find any articles to cite with regard to those specific things. I think it's always best to start with some initial research before deciding too specifically in which direction your paper will go. After all, you must cite your sources, so you want to make sure the sources are available! :-) After you have done a little reading on those sub-topics, it should become clearer as to what aspects to include in your outline.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Communist, socialist, Capitalist country - presentation essay [4]

Greetings!

Well, essentially, what it is saying is that in a capitalist system, people pretty much make their own way (supposedly) without a lot of government interference, and they get to keep most of what they make (although a lot of U.S. taxpayers would disagree with that!). In a socialist country, the government has more control and takes more in taxes; in a communist country, everything belongs to the government, which then tells everyone what they will do, and then (supposedly) takes care of their needs. This is a very simplified version, of course.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Why I want to get into psychology - admission essay [4]

Greetings!

You might want to start by telling how your interest in the subject began; something like "I have always found human behavior and the workings of the mind fascinating..." If you have taken courses in high school which provide a foundation for courses you would take in college in a psychology major, you should say what they were. Talk about what you hope to learn and why you feel that "X University" would be the ideal place for you to do your studies in the field of psychology. If you want to become a psychologist, you will need to attend graduate school, so you could mention how this school will prepare you for graduate school. Finally, tell how you foresee your career--what you want to do with your degree in the future.

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Communist, socialist, Capitalist country - presentation essay [4]

Greetings!

If I understand correctly, you are to use a metaphor to explain the differences between the types of governments. For instance, let's say the object was a pie. In a capitalist country, the citizen must go out and find and gather his own berries, thresh his own wheat, etc., make the pie, and once he has the completed pie, he can eat it all by himself. In the socialist country, the government might supply some of the ingredients for making the pie, and in return, the citizen must give a couple of pieces of the pie back to the government, which will then divide up those pieces and give parts of them to a number of citizens. In the communist country, the government gives the citizen the land to grow the berries, wheat, and other essential ingredients. The citizen supplies all the labor, makes the pie, and then gives the whole thing back to the government, which then gives him a piece of it.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "Everything's An Argument" - Evaluative Essay [5]

Greetings!

Apostrophes can be a bit tricky, but if the name of the team is plural, i.e., "Lakers," then you are correct in placing the apostrophe after the "s". It's a little more difficult for me to tell whether you are meeting your instructor's criteria. I'm a little confused about this assignment, actually. The instructions say "Write a paper evaluating an essay in your "Everything's An Argument" text." What essay are you evaluating? This appears to simply be an essay about the history and success of the Lakers. I feel as though I'm missing something; was your essay based on another essay?

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Research paper on the role of the external environment on NutriSystem [2]

Greetings!

You haven't really asked a question. What type of help are you looking for? If you're wanting to know where to find sources, your school library's databases should have articles on the economic opportunity and political influence aspects, and probably on more of the items in your list. Of course, you'll want to closely study the company's website as well. If you'll tell me what it is you need, I can probably be of more help.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay on requiring employees to dress formally.. [4]

Greetings!

That's a very good question! The "a" belongs to "company"; it is singular, just one company, but the company you are referring to is, essentially, any given company. The profits belong to the company, and presumably, the company makes more than one profit one time, so it is plural: "profits." You could also say "what people wear has nothing to do with companies' profits"; however, I think it sounds better the other way.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Visit to the art gallery at Florida Gulf Coast University - essay [4]

Thanks for the clarification! :-)

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Different ways of courage - Lit paper: To kill a mockingbird [7]

Greetings!

Actually, I think that is very perceptive, to see Scout's accompanying Jem to the creepy Mrs. Dubose's house as an act of moral bravery. The analysis is fine, but I do think you could tone down the language just a little. Let the words, and the actions they describe, speak for themselves. You don't really need to say "The children were extremely brave"; it might sound better to say "This was an act of bravery on their part" or "They had to find the courage within themselves to go there." Words such as "extremely" should be used rarely and carefully. You also might want to correct this sentence: "both of them went to her house everyday after school to fulfil task." It should be "both of them went to her house every day after school to fulfill the task."

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Statement of Purpose for Savannah College of Art & Design; R.E.A.C.H. Art. [3]

Greetings!

This is a very good statement! I have just a few editing suggestions for you:

When I was twelve, my mother enrolled me in an after-school art program called R.E.A.C.H. Art. During the time period that I was enrolled, the handle on one of my mother's beloved coffee mugs broke.

something for her that she could actually use every day for years to come.

The course also taught me the importance of taking pride in my work so that the final drawing exemplified my skills and problem-solving.

Although [no comma] this process may require extensive research

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / voluntary work - helping poor elderly people or newly arrived pupil [2]

Greetings!

You've written a good essay! Here are some editing tips:

But when it comes to choosing one of the two areas to be our voluntary works, I would consider which one needs our help more, which it is more viable for us to help, and from which we can learn more.

Rarely do the poor elderly have visitors.

It is because they often have few relatives and have difficulty doing those things for themselves.

Helping the poor elderly needs labor forces and talks.- This does not really make sense.

use our hands to do something they are physically unable to do.

It will only take us several hours and may use up some of our energy, which we can afford.

Because we are already Form 7 students

However, if we make the other choice, we could gain more from the experience.

Firstly, we can learn how to bridge the generation gap

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Visit to the art gallery at Florida Gulf Coast University - essay [4]

Greetings!

I think you've written a very good essay! I have just a few editing suggestions:

In the early nineteenth century, a new form of art known as abstract expressionism swept the world completely off its feet. - I think you mean the early 20th century, if it included the 1930s.

As times progressed however and the world went to war, tremendous limitations were put in place as to what was considered "suitable content" artists of all genres were allowed to convey. - This is grammatically a bit awkward. Better might be "As time progressed, however, and the world went to war, tremendous limitations were put in place on artists of all genres as to what was considered "suitable content." I did wonder, though, who put these limitations in place?

Katz had previously created many similar works of art using intaglio methods similar to aquatint etching, but none as rich and brilliant as Good Afternoon II.

almost exactly identical. - If they are identical, they are exactly the same, so "exactly identical" is redundant.

the person viewing the work of art is almost instantaneously captivated by the chiaroscuro, thus further emphasizing the closed composition - I added a comma; you might also want to remove "almost" as this waters down your point.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Speeches / how to write a speech for job interview "describe your self?" [3]

Greetings!

You have discovered one of the truisms of writing: the most difficult thing to write about is yourself! It is ironic, since, theoretically, we know ourselves better than anyone else does. But it is nonetheless difficult to put our qualities into words, particularly since we are hampered by the feeling that it's wrong to "toot your own horn," as it were.

When you think about describing yourself, consider those things that are most important to you. For instance, "I am quiet and studious, and love to learn" or "I am very sociable and love to meet new people" or "I believe in giving back to society, so I volunteer at a soup kitchen." Think about your likes and dislikes and why you have them, then see if you can boil it down to a few words.

A job interviewer will probably ask you a few standard questions. What's difficult is when it is a very general question, such as "Tell me about yourself." In that case, you'd need to be ready with a list of attributes, but, more importantly, of accomplishments. Remember that the purpose of a job interview is to tell the employer why he needs you. What have you got that he needs?

Interviewers also like to see how your mind works and whether you are ambitious, so they might ask you "Where do you see yourself in ten years?" You want to sound as if you have goals, but not be so cheeky as to say "I will own this company in ten years!" :-) They often ask, "Why did you apply to our company" and this gives you the opportunity to show that you've done your homework. For instance, "I know that ABC Company is the second-highest grossing manufacturer in the market. I feel that I can help to make the company number one." (Be prepared to tell them how.)

I hope this helps give you some ideas!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Different ways of courage - Lit paper: To kill a mockingbird [7]

Greetings!

I think you have written a very good essay! I think it really does hang together well as a whole. I have just a few editing suggestions:

are just a few instances in which the courage that Maycomb thinks highly of. - This is not grammatical; perhaps "are just a few examples of the courage that Maycomb values so highly."

Be careful about dropping your articles: The relationship of the Finch family with Mrs. Dubose is the first instance in the book to show us the true meaning of moral courage.

she succeeded over herself. - I think I know what you meant here, but this phrase really doesn't mean anything. Better would be something like "she succeeded in overcoming her weakness."

Mrs. Dubose showed us what real courage is: not a man with a gun in his hand, but an ill woman overcoming all her weaknesses. She was the bravest person, in Atticus's point of view

With his moral courage, in making the justice think about the case, Atticus managed to fight for his personal principle of justice. - I think perhaps the first "justice" should be "people"?

He had achieved victory.

Just go through and do a little fine tuning and it will be perfect!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / Business Law Assignment : the postal rule of acceptance [5]

Greetings!

Fortunately, the "postal acceptance rule" is one of the most written-about subjects in contract law! (In the U.S., it's known as the "mailbox rule.") You will see, when you do an internet search with the search terms "postal acceptance rule" that there are many articles available. You can also try using "contract law" and narrowing it down by adding terms: "contract law postal acceptance rule."

Try this and see if it helps you get started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com