Graduate / Activities and Achievements - MS in Software Engineering [4]

Try to shorten that first paragraph and make room to add one more sentence at the end without it becoming too long.
Do not end the first paragraph with an informative sentence. Add a sentence after that informative sentence, and make it a sentence that expresses your main "message" of the whole essay.

It will also be great if you can mention self-esteem again in the last sentence of the first paragraph, and that way you will be sticking with the concept you introduced in the first sentence.

Always strive striving for excellence is something I believe ...

After having learnt the nitty-gritty, I came back to Pune. ----Ha ha, great sentence! Great use of "nitty gritty."

On completing one and a half year, I returned back to Pune.----You never have to write "returned back." To return means to go back.

All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. In addition to having maintained a good academic record, I participated in several extra-curricular activities like organizing social and cultural events and participating in them too.(Okay, but add some sentences to make sure you can relate this paragraph to the MAIN IDEA of the essay, which is expressed in the last sentence of the first paragraph.)

You did a great job!

Writing Feedback / "Bus in Hanoi" - Evaluation essay - the role of transportation. [4]


Nah, buses have terminals, too! It is okay to write about the bus terminal.

You did a great job, Brandon! Thank you...

This is a good place to use a colon:
The price is very cheap: only 3000 to 5000vnd for one time and 50000vnd as student or 80000vnd for a month in any terminal.

:-)

Speeches / To drink? Or not to drink? That is the question! Drinking Age, communications class. [2]


Okay, if you reference the Hamlet speech, you have to be clever by making your speech parallel some of the meaning of his. Can you analyze his speech closely and make your speech "mirror" some of the lines or themes? Rather than just using the title (arbitrarily), you can use the same concepts he uses.

Also, I think your ideas are funny but you will have trouble completing it if you are actually arguing an idea that is incorrect! Drinking causes illness, pain, alienation, accidental death. It is not correct to simply say it is fun. So, even if you think we can lower the drinking age like other countries do and see fewer people with drinking problems, or... whatever strong arguments you can make, I think the essay has to come around at the end to finally acknowledging that there is plenty of time for drinking aver brain development has been completed. (Your point about brain development is funny! But clearly, it is not a serious argument, so I think you should complete this by making is a sarcastic argument in favor of abstaining until one reaches the legal age.)

:-)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] The Cost of Human Development [9]


Ha ha, excellent. This made me laugh aloud embarrassingly in a quiet cafe.

Jumping Jack, I don't know why you are hijacking other people's threads instead of creating your own, but I suspended your membership. Please contact us if you think I made an error or if you want to become a member again. If you participate, start a new thread for each of your essays. :-)

Borislav, I am not helping you! You need no help. Your English is just as good as mine, and you do not need to worry about the toefl. You should be working on writing a book or article, because you are very skilled and ready for the next level of writing. :-)

Undergraduate / Diversity - (a Guyanese-American background) essay for Rutgers University [4]

The last sentence of your first paragraph is written beautifully, but it is not specific enough. Well, actually it is fine, and that whole intro is brilliant, but I still wish you would add a sentences or phrase that will somehow give the reader a theme to associate with your plan, what you are doing with your education. At the end of that intro, the reader sees how well you write, but it will be even better if it also indicates what you are all about. So, try to include some mention of your specific interests so that the reader can "know" you.

I come from a Guyanese-American background. -----This sentence is very short, and it does not support the paragraph. The paragraph topic sentence should express the main idea of the paragraph. That is not always necessarily true, but in this case it will be good. Try lengthening this sentence so that it sums up the idea discussed in the paragraph.

No commas here: If I were to attend and earn a degree from Rutgers I would be ...

I have no doubt that I would be more than adequately prepared for the larger world around me through achieving higher learning at Rutgers University.---Again, at the end here, it is beautifully written but vague. I want every vague reference to be transformed into a reference to a specific goal or ideal that you are "all about." What is your mission in life? The reader wants to know. :-)

Graduate / SOP for masters in Automobile Engineering; research-oriented faculty [2]

I like that first sentence!
I want to suggest cutting some unnecessary sentences, though:
I always believed that curiosity has been the cornerstone of man's evolution. I had this curiosity and thirst for knowledge in me. Right from my childhood, I was interested in Automobiles. I liked tinkering with objects. I always enjoyed analyzing and understanding the working of Automobiles automobiles, and this began when I was experimenting on my toys or fixin g my bike.

I found 'Mechanical Engineering', the only way I can could satisfy my ...

It was our intention that after our project is was over, all the hydraulic operators, mounting brackets, and levers could be selected from a standardized table. We succeeded eventually. The project mainly consisted ...

A masters degree in this field, followed by a doctoral degree, would be my first steps.
I strongly believe in constantly developing evolving nature of technology and would like to be a part of the its evolution.----Nice!! I like your writing style...

I think research is one best way we can constantly...------This is another VERY good sentence.

:-)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL-"forest is disappearing but needs to be saved." [8]

However, most of these resources are non renewable, and that means if they have been depleted they cannot be recovered anymore. ----Notice the small changes I made here. It was a "run on sentence" before I made those corrections.

In my point of view, among these natural treasures, the forest is the most important, one that and we have to do our best to maintain its integrity.

These sparrows forces force a reduction in the amount of crops harvested.

For the reasons that I mentioned above, the forest is an important natural resource that we should try our best to maintain.

:-)

You write very well! I am inspired by your hard work...

Book Reports / King Lear Two old men acquire wisdom by experiencing the inevitable- compare/contrast [7]

This is great thread.

Here is an idea that you may or may not like:
Wisdom, a very valued and respected trait in our society, is associated with the elderly.

When writing about literature, use the present verb tense:
In both King Lear by William Shakespeare and Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, the protagonists are able to ...

... by experiencing a fact of life which we regard as a phenomena: death.---I changed it to a colon. Use a colon in a situation like this one. Also, I want to mention that it does not seem to make sense when you say we "regard it as a phenomenon." What does that mean? I regard all things as phenomena.

Use a comma to separate quoted stuff from the rest of the sentence:
Quoted from King Lear "Tell me, my...

Unlike Morrie, who is aware of the problems of his society and always spoke out against them, King Lear is only able to ...

:-)


No... presentation is everything. You can explain that he gained wisdom, and you can prove it by showing that he made mistakes. Showing that someone was mistaken can be the same as showing that they gained wisdom.

Know what I mean? Instead of saying he made mistakes, say he gained wisdom, and then explain his mistakes.

Writing Feedback / Should we give our suggestions regarding to the mistakes our friends made? Toefl IBT [4]

Should we give our suggestions regarding to the mistakes our friends made make?

Opinions concerning the embarrassing situations vary widely.

Some view advice as nothing more than a destructive factor, while others argue it is a responsible duty for us to do so our responsibility.

Here is a place to put sentences together:
Though at first glance it seems plausible that one should accept and tolerate his or her friends' mistakes in order to avoid conflicts, friendship is truly hard-won.

We meet some so many people as a result of our surroundings.

He would realize the painstaking process we suffered and our intention for their own good, thus in turn solidifying the bond between us and cherishing our friendship much more. ------ I made a small change, but actually I like this sentence a lot.

Suggestions have brought us together and made us adhere to each other more tightly.

:-)

Scholarship / "responsibility" - What is the most important thing to you and why? [5]


This is the one I think it most powerful. I think you can write about "responsibility" and explain that the reason it is important to you is that you want to make a real difference for people in your practice of medicine. I did not like the theme of responsibility because I thought the essay would be too vague, but I think you are going to be very specific: You will either save lives or not, depending on how diligently and responsibly you attack your studies.

That can be very good!

Undergraduate / Helping the poor elderly or primary schoolchildren newly arrived? [3]

That is why the voluntary work project at school should focus on helping these newly arrived primary school children to adapt to the environment, making them feel that they belong.

A different dialect used in Hong Kong can be a linguistic barrier. If primary schoolchildren could not speak more than a handful of Cantonese words, they may...

Don't forget to capitalize the word English.

This... results...
This often results in children staying ...

In this case, use "compared"
Comparing Compared to adults, secondary school students like us are ...

A noun can be easier, but a verb has to be "easily."
... can adapt to the new environments more easily.

Great job, your errors are small ones, and in general the writing is very good.

:-)

Graduate / Sociology / Father (family): proposed field and topic of study [3]

Here are some search terms: father, teenage, absent, literature review

I included literature review, because these terms altogether will help you find some articles about research studies that give info that is perfect for your topic.

You should just use the search terms and find great articles. Write a paragraph about the main idea of each article you read about this topic. If you begin by reading a great article, this will be easy!

:-)

Essays / Health-care Availability (an argumentation-persuasive essay). How to start? [4]


This seems very difficult, but it's not. What location are we talking about? We often refer to "access" to health care when we want to talk about how available it is. When you write a paper like this, you have to think about a particular region and make an argument about current circumstances. Do you know anything about availability of care in a particular part of the world?

I think you should search for articles about the topic, and make an argument based on the most important ideas you gain.

Start by reading, and when you read you will get an idea. Argue for your idea!

:-)

Essays / Am I allowed to write description of the commercials in the first paragraph? [4]

You have two options. Google this: compare, contrast, essay, alternating, opposing.

You can describe one in detail and then describe the other in detail. That is probably the easiest way. After describing both, reflect on similarities and also differences. Discuss the topics being studied in class.

After you have written about both, go back and do an intro paragraph.
Then, go to the end and write a conclusion. It will be great if the first paragraph has a sentence that sums up the most important idea of the essay.

The hardest part is getting started. Just start writing about one of them. :-)

Undergraduate / NTU discretionary admissions essay --" How my doctor influenced me." [3]

...to alleviate its symptoms.

You cannot say, "As a child... I remember..."
As a child, I vividly remember how the drugs prescribed would ...

I was around age nine when I started bombarding him with questions about the drugs I took: What their effects were; what they do in the body; how they were produced.

Noting my intense curiosity towards such xenobiotics, he would go on giving snippets of information on some of them, such as the different classifications on of antibiotics.

occurrence

I sincerely hope I can be allowed to enter NTU's Chemistry and Biological Chemistry programs so that I can fulfill my lofty dreams and passion and make a contribution to the world.

:-)+

Scholarship / New Threats to Freedom Scholarship Essay - Max Borders on Over-regulation [3]

I think that metaphor at the end should be moved to the beginning. It is great for catching the reader's attention.
But why do you use so many short paragraphs?
Also, I don't think you reference the video enough.

Those are my only two complaints! And I think you can improve your essay by developing the paragraphs some more and making more references to the video.

Also, you are making a clear argument against government regulation, so you should go a little deeper by considering both sides of the issue. Some say regulation is excellent as long as it is not done in a stupid way. Google this: rogerian argument.

make a rogerian argument. :-)

Undergraduate / "making a mark in the National Canoeing Championship" - Describe a personal challenge [4]

This first sentence does not contain as much meaning as it could contain:
A personal challenge I have faced (one that has also shaped my values), is making a mark in the National Canoeing Championship in 2002, where my team won a silver and two bronze medals. -----This gives info, but it does not express an idea. I think you should revise this sentence to mention the experience in a way that expresses a theme for the essay.

...have achieved. till date .

...set-up my very own consultancy firm to fuse business ideas and engineering methodologies to solve organizational problems.---Great idea... if you cite an article or book, you can show what kinds of ideas you have developed through your reading.

:-)

Undergraduate / "School of Management" -intra university transfer essay ( reasons for this request.) [2]

This needs an anchor. It floats around. It starts abruptly, and I cannot pinpoint what your main message is for the reader.

Try adding a sentence to the beginning of this, and make it a sentence that introduces your main theme or message in a clear way.

I was the only one who can speak English fluently ----You do have great English! Here is a way to make it even better: Keep the verb tense the same: "I was the only one who could speak English..."

The other duty was that conducted affiliate marketing analysis of competitors, which requires required knowledge of marketing theoretically. ----When you write in the past tense, keep the verbs in the past tense.

This sentence is not complete, but you can fix it by taking away "because"...
Because , I have a strong belief to myself, and I desire to study management _______________( The sentence needs a different ending because it does not make sense. compare than others .

So... give it that anchor, that theme that you introduce in the beginning and at the end.

Writing Feedback / I can't agree fully with the demand of equality of number between genders in the universities [4]

I think we should get rid of "and" here:
And
According to them the selection occurs so that the applicants with the best grades or CV will take the position.

... if the selection process not only looked for the sex; on the contrary, they should keep in mind what the society needs and also the qualifications of the applicants.

:-)

Scholarship / Financial need situations that should be taken into consideration -What do they want? [4]

You have an opportunity here to express a clear plan. You can tell them the reason you need the help is because you have a very well-developed plan, complete with goals and self-imposed deadlines. Do you know what I mean? Show that you are going to make very good use of the help. Show that you have a great vision of the future and that you have a very clear idea about what you want to accomplish.

:-)

Undergraduate / "to make responsible choices under peer pressure" - UBC BBA Ethical Dilemma [3]

Great advice here from Colin. I also want to mention that this sentence needs revision:
They had broken the boarding rules and also started using alcohol.

Nice job! It will be great if you can add some slightly more interesting twist to this so that it is not so simplistic. Many people write about a dilemma pertaining to a decision like this. Add your own interesting element to this concept. :-)

Book Reports / Kate Chopin theme essay, the story of an hour multiples themes (introduction?) [3]

I hope you can really ENJOY writing about this great story. The trick is to make sure you are expressing YOUR original idea about domination, freedom, and independence.

What is YOUR idea. As you read the story, you will develop your own idea. When the idea comes to mind, type some sentences about it, and then type some sentences about the part of the story that made you think of it.

Enjoy the reading and the typing! Keep it very simple. You want to write about these concepts, so use the story as your source of inspiration and ideas.

Undergraduate / Using Lady Gaga as a topic for my college admissions essay -- too risky? [7]

No comma necessary here:
"They can't scare me if I scare them first," and Mother Monster ...

Brilliant! I do not think it is too risky, but I think you need to balance the philosophy with some specifics.

First of all, use paragraphs for clarity. End paragraphs with great sentences that you want to linger in the reader's mind.
Instead of going on and on to describe the concept that you are using as your theme, APPLY the concept by explaining the advice in terms of your career interest.

Scholarship / "I won't give up any chance" - Essay for NTU Scholarship Application [5]

Oh, at first I was going to suggest that you not use vehement, but now I think it is the perfect word to capture the theme of this. This essay is filled with emotion. I like it!

But I need to change the first sentence:
My willing drive to progress in the field of _______ is characterized by a kind of "vehemence." If it were t Three years ago, perhaps for the last 17 years of my life, I would not have been saying this. I used to be self-centered and arrogant, a person who thought he is was typically a genius. (Right here, add a thesis statement that expresses the main idea of the whole essay. Then, end the first paragraph.)

Paragraph 2:
Back to the time when ...

I was always the top student in primary school and secondary school, I never do made revisions, and yet I could score high marks in quizzes and examinations. ----I needed to correct some verbs. You should practice English grammar to make it perfect... you are almost perfect! :-)

Writing Feedback / Cause and Effects Essay: Evolving trends of text messaging [3]

The customer pushes their cart to ...------Their goes with a plural noun. It IS okay to do this, but it is not stylistically cool. You should avoid it. Just use "the" or "a"

...pushes a cart to the counter and waits ...

for him to finish sending his text message. Finally, a A few seconds later, he glides ...

his phone into his pocket with the skill and ease of a professional gunfighter. ---nice!!

"How are you today?" the customer asks the young man. "Fine sir," he replies in a barely audible voice, never bothering to look----I added a comma and corrected that spelling.

I like your theme! Hey, you started in the present verb tense and then switched to past tense. Go fix it so that it is all in the present tense. :-)

Dissertations / Topic: PhD Thesis on Relation between High Altitude Risk taking and Psychology [3]


I am intrigued. Well, you cannot just refer generally to psychology. You have to look at a relationship between high altitude risk taking and something else. What is it? What cause your interest in this?

Can you find any articles about high altitude risk taking? If you can, you have to look at what those articles/research studies accomplished. What questions remain unanswered?

Do not try to force yourself to come up with a topic. Read many articles, write a paragraph about each article, and soon the focus of your study will be clear and obvious. When you learn everything that other scholars have been doing in the field, you will see what is left to be done, what problems are left to be solved.

:-)

What books or research articles have you found about this?

Undergraduate / "My fondness for children + medical" - Supplementary Application for UBC BSc Program [4]

...but I am also open-minded and willing to learn. ---diligence and willingness to learn are basic requirements. I think you should revise the end of this sentence to say something more meaningful. Say something that shows your great state of mind. Share your unique words, your unique philosophy.

I strive towards excelling at everything I attempt and face challenges with confidence and determination. Again, here, these are basic requirements. Delete this. Replace it with a sentence about your particular interests and the methods you use to pursue them.

--and researching about the medical field. -----Ah, now this is what I think you should write about. What medical research have you been reading about? What articles? Clinical trials of meds or therapies?

You write so well! I just think you need to take out those meaningless affirmations and replace them with substance. Replace them with sentences that explain a detailed plan. :-)

Writing Feedback / DO WE RELY HEAVILY ON TECHNOLOGY ? [6]

This is a run on sentence:
Technology was once deemed to be an exciting additive to our world; now it has transformed into to somewhat of an essential need.---I fixed it!

Technology is nothing more than the product of science so it ironic ...

Typo:
The influential affects of te's brain and available work.

Do not capitalize the C:
In Conclusion, technology ...

:-)

Undergraduate / Achieving Life Goals - Columbia Engineering Programs Transfer Supplement [2]

One of my life goals is for me to able to do something good for the world some day ----Wait a minute! If you want to be impressive, you need to already have well-developed ideas of what that "something" is. Describe your specific goals instead of showing vagueness.

Yes, replace that vague assertion with an assertion about a specific goal associated with engineering... or several goals.

Make room for awesome sentences by looking for ways to eliminate unnecessary words:

A majority of schools that have engineering programs in this country offer environmental engineering programs in some shape or form. However, w hile most schools offer either a Civil track or Chemical track to becoming an Environmental Engineer, Columbia offers a specialized Earth and Environmental Engineering program of it's own. Aside from the great benefits that arise from having an independent program, the EEE program also al track, and applies them to geared toward issues facing our society today, such as resource depletion and sustainability.

:-)

Book Reports / About the novel A thousand splendid Suns - Rights of Women [8]

...they are forbidden to laugh loudly, play sports, to even talk or shake hands with ...

Use commas:
... the intricate detail, "She felt his eyes crawling all over her," shows the tragedy and horror ...

Is this supposed to be capitalized?
Mariam's baby dies in her womb causing blood to flow down the hamam bathhouse.

Hence, Mariam's incident adds on to demonstrates the importance of education to know and understand the right age to marry.

This will get an A for sure!
:-)

Writing Feedback / "Parents are first" - narrative essay [12]

Pursue means to chase or follow something. I can say, "The cat pursued the mouse," or I can say, "I want to pursue a career in medicine."

I'll finish up the edit:
But denying my parents' proposal was an absent-minded and extremely terrible action for a fifteen year-old, obedient daughter.

What a dilemma! situation !
After all, I decided to enroll in the scientific section to please my parents. I couldn't be accustomed to act against parents' wishes, and I haven't ever done that before.

Thanks to my obedient decision, my years in high school passed peacefully. But now, I'm in university and I'm in literary section which I'm curious to know because of my eighteen-year obedience. Can you write this sentence more clearly? I don't understand.

Somewhere in my mind, I am satisfied with my life motto: please parents first, and I will have what I want.

:-)

Undergraduate / "Nothing will work unless I do" LAW PERSONAL STATEMENT, very open ended instructions [3]

Nice, I like the honesty here. You have a great storytelling style.

Nevertheless, it is a job for which I am extremely grateful and on which I depend for basic ...--- Do this this way, and they will notice you are very smart! :-) I notice it...

necessities most students here take for granted. My mother and father immigrated to California from Mexico about 22 years ago in search of the "American Dream" that they have yet to find.---like this right here... great writing.

I like everything about this, and I know it will be well-received. I have a suggestion below, but I don't know if it is a good one or not:

...who I am and how I will live. Nothing will work unless I do. And I can assure you, that is exactly what I am doing.

If you cut out that last sentence, I like the ending even more.

Undergraduate / "I will feel unhappy as long as I'm there" - Boston University Transfer essay [4]


I think this sentence should be filled with more meaning. It should be made more interesting so that the reader's attention will be captured. Try to revise the end of this sentence so that instead of a the vague idea "experience of a lifetime" you will have some words that sum up the real meaning you are trying to share with this short answer.

...had a higher chance,----what is "higher chance?" Maybe a different term would be better.

... but it wasn't until the deadline day that I've I realized what my ...

I am definite confident that those ...

Nice! This is a great expression of enthusiasm, and it is eloquent!

Graduate / "the IT industry" - SOP for Information Systems and Management [6]

Hi Nysha, congratulations on the great progress you are making! I think you should post this question to the category called "student talk," and you might get responses from people at the school.

I wish I had the necessary knowledge to answer!

:-)

Writing Feedback / "What is life?" - Senior Paper [3]

I don't think this is a good way to use the word "quoted"----> Tupac Shakur quoted; "Why am ...

Tupac Shakur remarked, "Why am...
Or
Tupac Shakur posed the question, "Why am..."

Do not say "stating" here: He's stating that why live ...
He is asking, not stating.
He's asking why one should live...

Mankind Humans alienate themselves' from ...
or
Mankind alienates itself from the true meaning ...

without any regret and no or concern on about how life should be treated or adored.

...always said, "If you ...

Again, here, do not use quoted this way:
Thomas Edison Quoted, "To those ...---And there is no reason to capitalize the word, either.

Do not begin a paragraph with a quote. Begin with a topic sentence. Google this: paragraph topic sentence
Let the quote come after the topic sentence as a way of clarifying it.

:-) Your writing has some errors, but it also has a lot of potential and a great style.

Research Papers / Abortion project - a woman who has been raped should have an abortion? [3]

Do the second part first.
Do the first part as the conclusion you come to after considering the second part.

You need raw material. Making a piece of writing is like making a fire. You need fuel. Go get fuel by googling these words:
Raped, abortion, options

Google those words and you will find a lot of articles that give you ideas. Cite those articles in your discussion, and decide what you think the best answer is.

Good luck!! :-)

Writing Feedback / 'pets have many viruses'; Many people have a close relationship with their pets. [4]

It might be better to say a close connection instead of a close contact. "Close contact" means something that is a little different.

Also:
However, in my opinion, I think that it does more harm than good to live with their pets with reasons below.

Some animals have teeth, such as dogs and cats, and therefore people are able to be bitten.

For instance, when I raised a small dog, I just stroked his head but he suddenly bitted bit my hand and ...

Secondly, it's easy to be infected with a virus through contact with pets.

In general, they don't have chance washing, unlike people, hence many viruses exist their fur.

In conclusion, people may have different opinions about whether to agree or disagree with the idea that relationships between humans and animal are beneficial.

I hope these corrections help you! Practice typing them all many times so that you learn the correct habits. Speak them aloud. :-)

Undergraduate / Practicing for the AFMAA: Why did you choose the Accounting and Financial Management? [4]

I think the word "that" should be taken out of the first sentence.

Also...
Bottom-line deals, boardroom meetings with potential investors, and creating a report to the present to the CEO of the company were all exciting situations in which I could see myself.

...would not be an everyday occurrences for a businessperson. ---You have a very impressive writing style! Just a few errors here and there...

Though it is a big feat to say the least, I hope that by attending Waterloo and gaining experience into in the field of financial management, I can one day make a difference, and teach the world to become more financially literate.

:-) nice!!

Undergraduate / "an ethical dilemma that you encountered" - UBC Supplemental for Commerce, starting? [8]

Great questions! I like it that you are trying so carefully to get it right.

My trick is to use the key words from the instructions. Ethical dilemma, handle, learn.... Use their words.
In fact, whenever you speak to anyone, it is also good to "speak their language" by using the same words they use.

But the benefit here is that you can use the key words and have TOTAL FLEXIBILITY about how you approach the prompt.

Just remember, a powerful thing to do is sum up the meaning in a single sentence and put that sentence at the end of the first paragraph.

If you want some great inspiration about how you might structure a story, you'll have to find a book of short, anecdotal stories that inspire you. For example, Sherman Alexie had books that are compilations of stories, and he has a brilliant way of expressing the concepts he wants to express.

That is my best advice. Use the key words, and use great stories for inspiration. Leslie Silko, Stephen King, Dean Koontz... Edgar Allen Poe.

:-)

Undergraduate / "Passionate about soccer" - CommonApp 150 words activity essay thanks [4]

Excellent job here! I like your style.

I think you need an apostrophe:
...founding a fans' organization for my favorite team, Tottenham, is the...

We began to construct a website as a platform for the interaction between our members. Moreover, we organized ...---I like these sentences.

However, that last sentence is a cliche! It is not interesting. Do not ruin it at the end! :-) Say something awesome at the end... something quirky and unexpected. :-)