vangiespen
Sep 12, 2014
Graduate / Some movies and TV programs are showing a negative trend in guiding young people' behavior [5]
It would have been better to analyze this essay if you had provided the prompt :-) So I will give an overview review instead. Some advice regarding grammar and content for you to consider :-) I will present a better way for you to have said the paragraph below the original. This is just for your consideration. Take it as advice and nothing more :-)
- Your introductions is lacking a hook that can reel in the reader. A hook is a statement that interests the reader into finding out what you have to say about a certain topic.
- Do movies and television shows have more negative than positive influences on the behavior of young people? Some people will disagree and say that movies and television helped them become better people. Medical professionals will tell you that the results of research on the topic is inconclusive. I say, television and movies both have good and bad influences on a young person's behavior due to his impressionable age and desire to emulate everything and anything he sees and considers "cool".
- This is a good argument. You started with the positive influences before going into the negative. It would have been better if you also mentioned a positive television show as a sample. The nightly news shows and other news broadcasts are not really a good point of comparison because young people do not tend to watch those kinds of programming.
- There have been a number of positive movies that came out of Hollywood in the past years. Movies like Forrest Gump teach us that being different does not mean a person is worthless. While Titanic taught us the value of self-less love.
- Make this the closing sentence of your previous paragraph. It will serve as your transition statement.
- While there are truly some positive lessons to be learned from television and movies, it does not erase the fact that the negative images overpower the positive aspect it provides.
- This is a good example of how movies negatively affect young people. Where is your television show example? Develop the statement further with reasons coming from parents and guardians, teachers, or even child psychology experts.
- Movies such as The Expendables series are highly violent films that are PG rated. That means that boys like my 12 year old brother were allowed to watch the movie. What was the first thing that he did after seeing it? He tried to imitate Sylvester Stallone's style of shooting using a toy gun. He once climbed the stairs and shouted "I am Jet Li!" then jumped. Needless to say, he broke his leg. Bad behaviors can also be attributed to the rise of disrespectful reality shows like Bad Grandpa and Keeping up with the Kardashians. Where being mean to other people and making fun of them seems to be the norm emulated by kids in real life. This makes me believe that no further evidence is needed to prove the negative effect of television and movies on young people.
- merge this statement with your previous one since it deals with the same discussion.
- This is an unnecessary statement that deviated from the prompt. It should not be in this essay. The discussion should only center on television shows and movies.
- You present a good conclusion that is underdeveloped. I am sure you can repeat some of the important points you made just to summarize it for the reader.
-Based upon the aforementioned reasons, I truly believe that movies and television shows have a tendency to influence the behavior of young people in a negative manner. Without proper guidance coming from family members and friends, and government regulation of violence and behaviors in movies and television, young people will tend to be negatively influenced by these media outlets until they learn to analyze what is right and wrong for themselves.
This is a solid start. However, the grammar problems and lack of coherence will require you to revise the essay.
It would have been better to analyze this essay if you had provided the prompt :-) So I will give an overview review instead. Some advice regarding grammar and content for you to consider :-) I will present a better way for you to have said the paragraph below the original. This is just for your consideration. Take it as advice and nothing more :-)
Are there more negative effects of movies and televisions affect ...
- Your introductions is lacking a hook that can reel in the reader. A hook is a statement that interests the reader into finding out what you have to say about a certain topic.
- Do movies and television shows have more negative than positive influences on the behavior of young people? Some people will disagree and say that movies and television helped them become better people. Medical professionals will tell you that the results of research on the topic is inconclusive. I say, television and movies both have good and bad influences on a young person's behavior due to his impressionable age and desire to emulate everything and anything he sees and considers "cool".
Admittedly, there is no doubt that some movies and televisions have ...
- This is a good argument. You started with the positive influences before going into the negative. It would have been better if you also mentioned a positive television show as a sample. The nightly news shows and other news broadcasts are not really a good point of comparison because young people do not tend to watch those kinds of programming.
- There have been a number of positive movies that came out of Hollywood in the past years. Movies like Forrest Gump teach us that being different does not mean a person is worthless. While Titanic taught us the value of self-less love.
Despite the merits of the former point, it is necessary for me ...
- Make this the closing sentence of your previous paragraph. It will serve as your transition statement.
- While there are truly some positive lessons to be learned from television and movies, it does not erase the fact that the negative images overpower the positive aspect it provides.
First and foremost, as we know, some movies and televisions, such as violent movies ...
- This is a good example of how movies negatively affect young people. Where is your television show example? Develop the statement further with reasons coming from parents and guardians, teachers, or even child psychology experts.
- Movies such as The Expendables series are highly violent films that are PG rated. That means that boys like my 12 year old brother were allowed to watch the movie. What was the first thing that he did after seeing it? He tried to imitate Sylvester Stallone's style of shooting using a toy gun. He once climbed the stairs and shouted "I am Jet Li!" then jumped. Needless to say, he broke his leg. Bad behaviors can also be attributed to the rise of disrespectful reality shows like Bad Grandpa and Keeping up with the Kardashians. Where being mean to other people and making fun of them seems to be the norm emulated by kids in real life. This makes me believe that no further evidence is needed to prove the negative effect of television and movies on young people.
In additon, there are more and more television programs are try to induce ...
- merge this statement with your previous one since it deals with the same discussion.
Finally, I would not limit myself to tell right or wrong, but go further to explore ...
- This is an unnecessary statement that deviated from the prompt. It should not be in this essay. The discussion should only center on television shows and movies.
For the analysis made above, I conceded the some movies and televisions have ...
- You present a good conclusion that is underdeveloped. I am sure you can repeat some of the important points you made just to summarize it for the reader.
-Based upon the aforementioned reasons, I truly believe that movies and television shows have a tendency to influence the behavior of young people in a negative manner. Without proper guidance coming from family members and friends, and government regulation of violence and behaviors in movies and television, young people will tend to be negatively influenced by these media outlets until they learn to analyze what is right and wrong for themselves.
This is a solid start. However, the grammar problems and lack of coherence will require you to revise the essay.