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Posts by nandasharma
Name: Nanda
Joined: Dec 17, 2016
Last Post: Jan 13, 2017
Threads: 14
Posts: 36  
From: Nepal
School: St.Xaviers

Displayed posts: 50 / page 1 of 2
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nandasharma   
Dec 17, 2016
Undergraduate / College Supplemental Writing: 'What is your dream ?' (250 words) [5]

A dream is a blueprint of one's potential and pursuit. My pursuit is like the website Wikipedia- always pondering over exclusive ideas and knowledge; I'm insatiably hungry. My dream is to become successful; however, I haven't marked accomplishments of humongous wealth via lucrative profession or a sound health as my life's milestones. I dream to become genius in my forte and, at the same time, venture on an ambitious mission to eradicate global illiteracy as I believe it is the pandemic cause of contemporary terrors.

I aspire to serve my nation with uttermost passion for busting the social evils that have haunted Nepalese society predominantly. I dream of creating an education portal-like Khan Academy, but more accessible- for securing the future of impoverished Nepal by educating the commanders of tomorrow. I want to establish myself as an altruistic cosmopolite concerned about every worldly affair. I dream of collaborating with the greatest minds of our age for tackling the global issues like Energy Crisis and Cyber(Cloud) Security.

As I sense myriad potentialities in harvesting renewable resources, I visualize that the future civilization will not only conquer the feat, impossible at the present, but it will also be equipped with Eco-friendly alternatives nurturing our Earth's carrying capacity. As a Computer Science enthusiast, I dream of brainstorming on variety of technical entities- Security Loopholes, Artificial Intelligence, Machine Learning- for formulation of an invulnerable Web mechanism. In this unpredictable life, I dream of utilizing every precious opportunity to make our world a better place.
nandasharma   
Dec 17, 2016
Undergraduate / Transition from Childhood: Mom and first generation college student [3]

@TechRinser
Raajev, the prompt vividly states "that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family." . I feel like there is an excessive and unnecessary description of your mother's struggles than your own. I would suggest you to focus more on your own struggles through your student life.

Best.
nandasharma   
Dec 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / We have to depend on technology which makes our life easier, but we need to use it in a proper way. [5]

It is obviouslyobviousthat we dependingfor us to depend on technology in ...

it has both sides positive and negative effects ...
both positive and negative aspects of it will be discussed in the following essay.

I see a lot of errors of Grammatical Usage, Jone. Please go through your essay once again and look out for proper subject & verb agreement.
nandasharma   
Dec 17, 2016
Undergraduate / Stanford Intellectual vitality- Watching teletubbies [3]

@lorna
I completely agree with @Holt
You are completely going out of your way since there is no significant intellectual gain in watching a television series. Please come up with something unique and post it again in this thread.

Best.
nandasharma   
Dec 17, 2016
Undergraduate / Something you do for pleasure of it MIT-dancing [6]

@lorna
As far as I'm concerned, this writing is asking about your routine hobby. Something you love to do after tiresome learning during your student life. Although your writing is pretty good, it is not that good for institution like MIT.

Good Luck.
nandasharma   
Dec 17, 2016
Undergraduate / MIT Supplemental Writing: Something you do for the pleasure of a busy life. [2]

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (100 words or fewer)

Music and Sports are my two darlings when it comes to recreate myself. After hours of routine studies and assignments, simply picking up my guitar, playing it, and listening to the music I've created rejoices me-orgasmically; moreover, I feel even more proud after manipulating those recordings-through (Adobe) multimedia applications-and sharing them among friends and family.

I usually play Chess, Soccer, Cricket while I'm on the go as I know they can be good physical and mental workouts. Competing in a mini-hackathon(indoors) with my siblings at leisure is fun since I get to show off my technical skills amidst them.
nandasharma   
Dec 17, 2016
Undergraduate / Something you do for pleasure of it MIT-dancing [6]

@lorna
Perhaps the best piece of advice I can give you about this prompt is to be genuine.You can opt for a straightforward description, or a short anecdote. The anecdote frequently is the more interesting strategy because it allows you to show off some writing skill (if executed correctly) in a way that the remaining prompts of MIT probably don't.

All the best.
nandasharma   
Dec 17, 2016
Undergraduate / College Supplemental Writing: 'What is your dream ?' (250 words) [5]

@Holt
From the way I see it, there's not enough space to talk more about my major (Computer Science). I'm afraid that even if I do that then I'll have to employ few technical terminologies (which the reader mightn't bother googling). So, I've shortened (not skipped entirely) the first paragraph as you said, but I still have some unused space, what do you recommend now ?
nandasharma   
Dec 20, 2016
Undergraduate / 'I am determined to invent invulnerable systems' - Engineering College Supplemental Essay. (650) [5]

XXX Engineering celebrates innovative problem solving that helps people, communities...the world. Consider your ideas and aspirations and describe how a XXX Engineering education would allow you to leverage technological problem-solving to improve the world we live in.

As my neighbor, Mr.Bhattarai, had already threatened me a couple of times to not mess with his private (highly secured) network, I-a mischievous 8th grader- used to hole up in my bedroom when he frequently complained my parents about his dysfunctional ADSL router: by plotting a simple brute-force attack to the Subisu's(a National ISP) network-bridge being incognito in the workgroup, I had gained access to his Wireless Nanostation and traced the family's entire devices' MAC addresses following the restriction of access from their own wireless network by activating the built-in MAC filtration protocol. With diverse technical skillsets regarding network topologies, I, however, never practiced severe cyber felony which could critically injure several institutions' database and privacy as well as lead me behind bars. This juvenile delinquency of manipulating wireless networks in vicinity-which bummed out my family and neighbors-was maneuvering my enthusiasm towards something groundbreaking in Wireless technology: Extreme Strengthening of Digital Forensics and Security. From controversial incidents like Russian intrusion in American election to global economic treachery of Panama Papers, this omnipresence of vulnerability in cyber security psyched me up to enlighten myself with exclusive technical knowledge on Cyber Forensics as well as dedicate my time and labor for tightening of network security in my locality rather than the usual commitment towards cyber-infraction. I have concluded that for strict maintenance of upright cyber-world, classical digital communication paradigms ought to be revised for the nanoscale.

XXX's prestigious engineering facility equipped with state-of-the-art technology as well as interdisciplinary and pioneering approach towards education is what I need to kick off my pursuit of lessening cybercrimes, not to mention perfecting database management and web transmission. Under the supervision of world's finest educators, researchers and industrial moguls, I will not only be getting mileage out of top-notch engineering facilities, but I'll also be teaming up with Cyber Security & Cloud Computing enthusiasts from other well-rounded institutions and private tech partners. I was hold spellbound when I discovered David Lifka's disclosure of Red Cloud, an on-demand research collaboration cloud platform, which would not only allow junior techies like me to exploit multiple highly functional network infrastructures economically, but also promote the smart investment on technological quests by discouraging redundant investigations and availing open access to exceptional hardware/software platforms. Moreover, the infrastructures ofXXX Center of Advanced Computing- likethe Red Cloud, DataDirect Networks- could enlighten me about the futuristic technologies with their sustainable employment for the upliftment of Cyberspace as well as construct an ideal framework for me to work on the modelling of a supreme Nano-scientific Computer Network. XXX's celebrated personalities of Nanoscale Science & Technology facility like Richard Hennig and Greg Fuchs would be my apt mentors both in/out of the classroom as well as for the exploitation of sophisticated laboratory resources- be it for designing molecular transceivers and motors for calcium signaling of short-range or crafting electromagnetic channel models and protocols for an efficacious long-range pheromonal Nano networking.

After an epoch of miscellaneous scientific experiences at XXX, I am looking forward to being professionally involved in a major Nano-scientific project on substituting networking entities with nanoengineered technology and revolutionizing the conventional digital storage and processing mechanisms for the sake of cybersecurity. By following a biologically-hybrid principle of miniaturizing current microelectronic and micro-electro-mechanical technologies accompanied with the realization of nanomachines from the molecular components, I am determined to invent invulnerable systems, superbly optimized in terms of architecture, power consumption and communication, and motivate their utilization as building blocks for new energy-efficient and eco-friendly initiatives. This undertaking will ensure a breakthrough in economics, sustainable commercial growth, homeland security, healthcare accompanied with the lessening of major cyber offenses in today's digital empire, simultaneously, via heavily encrypted channels for online data transmission. Despite being an unprecedented communication paradigm, Nanonetwork demands an interdisciplinary approach with backings from highly experienced and qualified group of elites equipped with satisfactory infrastructural commodities, which I readily discover at XXX's engineering department.
nandasharma   
Dec 21, 2016
Writing Feedback / Higher fuel price to solve the ever-increasing environmental hazards throughout the world [2]

@krempetkov
George, No offense but hiking up the price of the fuel sounds ridiculous/childish and also not quite practical. Behind the process of increasing the price, there comes several conventions and arrangements regarding the share market. So, if you wish to mention those informations then your article would be a little more acceptable.
nandasharma   
Dec 21, 2016
Undergraduate / 'I am determined to invent invulnerable systems' - Engineering College Supplemental Essay. (650) [5]

@Holt I made the following change for clarification of my "Merging Nanoscience with CyberSecurity" purpose.

Moreover, the infrastructures of Center of Advanced Computing-Red Cloud, DataDirect Networks- along with those dedicated for Nano-scientific researches could enlighten me about the futuristic technologies regarding their sustainable employment towards conglomeration of Nano-engineering and Cyber Security: synthesis of a supreme Nano-scientific Computer Network.
nandasharma   
Dec 22, 2016
Essays / My impact on communities. Help me to understand the demand of the following supplemental essay . [5]

@Holt
I prepared the following essay by incorporating words from my earlier article for engineering college. Hope this will work ?

As my neighbor, Mr.Shakya, had already threatened me a couple of times to not mess with his private (highly secured) network, I-a mischievous 8th grader- used to hole up in my bedroom when he frequently complained my parents about his dysfunctional ADSL router: by plotting a simple brute-force attack to the Subisu's(a National ISP) network-bridge being incognito in the workgroup, I had gained access to his Wireless Nanostation and traced the family's entire devices' MAC addresses following the restriction of access from their own wireless network by activating the built-in MAC filtration protocol. With diverse technical skillsets regarding network topologies, I, however, never practiced severe cyber felony which could critically injure several institutions' database and privacy as well as lead me behind bars. This juvenile delinquency of manipulating wireless networks in vicinity-which bummed out my family and neighbors-was maneuvering my enthusiasm towards something groundbreaking in Wireless technology: Extreme Strengthening of Digital Security. From controversial incidents like Russian intrusion in American election to global economic treachery of Panama Papers, this omnipresence of vulnerability in cyber security psyched me up to enlighten myself with exclusive technical knowledge on Cyber Forensics as well as dedicate my time and labor for tightening of network security in my locality rather than the usual commitment towards cyber-infraction. I have concluded that for strict maintenance of upright cyber-world, classical digital communication paradigms ought to be revised for the nanoscale with Artificial Intelligence (A.I) capabilities.

XXX's prestigious science and engineering department equipped with state-of-the-art technology and pioneering approach towards education is what I need to kick off my pursuit of lessening cybercrimes, not to mention perfecting database management with flawless web transmission. By offering interdisciplinary science program, XXX provides a unified platform for engineering and computer science not available in any other institution, and forges fundamental links between modern mathematics and technological engineering. Under the supervision of world's finest educators and researchers like Takunari Miyazaki and Nancy M. Fleming, I will not only be getting mileage out of top-notch laboratory facilities from my early freshmen days, but I'll also be teaming up with Nanoscience & A.I. enthusiasts from other science/engineering faculties. Apart from getting my hands dirty by designing molecular transceivers and motors for short-range calcium signaling or crafting electromagnetic channel models and protocols for an efficacious long-range pheromonal Nano networking, XXX's Electron Microscopy Facility equipped with the recherché infrastructures of Transmission & Scanning Electron Microscopes along with several sophisticated computing courses, particularly Artificial Intelligence(CPSC 382) & Computer Security(CPSC 385) could enlighten me about the futuristic technologies regarding their sustainable employment towards conglomeration of Nanoscience and A.I for Cyber Security: synthesis of a Nano-scientifically Intelligent Computer Network.

After an epoch of miscellaneous scientific explorations at XXX, I am looking forward to being professionally involved in a major A.I project for substitution of contemporarily dumb networking entities with nanoengineered smart technology and revolutionizing the conventional digital storage and processing mechanisms for the sake of cybersecurity, not to mention my mission to deescalate the national illiteracy by launching an education web portal- something like Khan Academy, but more accessible to the geographically remote regions of Nepal. On a bigger picture, by following a biologically-hybrid principle of miniaturizing microelectronic and micro-electro-mechanical technologies accompanied with the realization of smart nanomachines from the molecular components, I am determined to invent invulnerable systems, which are superbly optimized in terms of architecture, power consumption, communication, and motivate their utilization as the building blocks for new energy-efficient and eco-friendly initiatives. This undertaking will ensure a breakthrough in economics, sustainable commercial growth, homeland security, healthcare accompanied with the lessening of devastating cyber offenses in today's digital empire, simultaneously, via heavily encrypted mechanisms buttressed by nanotechnology and A.I for every online business. Despite being an unprecedented communication paradigm, Intelligent Nano-networking demands an interdisciplinary approach with backings from highly experienced and qualified group of elites equipped with satisfactory infrastructural commodities, which I readily discover at XXX's engineering department.
nandasharma   
Dec 24, 2016
Undergraduate / Lehigh Essay. What do you and Lehigh have in common? [8]

@alexgzm
Alejandro , here is the thing, you should be writing a straightforward comparison essay of the commonalities between you and the university that you have chosen to apply to. This is an introspective essay. For me, I think that this was not a recommended response to answer this type of question. Thus, my suggestion is that it is better for you to directly state the answer briefly in the beginning of your answer and elaborate / explain the details afterwards.The similarities between the two will come from the way that you share some ideologies with the school.
nandasharma   
Dec 25, 2016
Undergraduate / COLLABORATION AND THE TECHNOLOGICAL REVOLUTION [9]

XXX students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development. (100 to 250 words)

Collaboration and the technological revolution



I aspired to build a robot the day I watched the sci-fi fiction 'Robocop'. With random electronic parts and junk wires, which I had procured from my family's junk box, I began soldering the greenish electric kits without anyone's knowledge. The machine didn't really do anything-other than get me into trouble. My brother informed me that those "random" parts were rather costly RCA tubes. Still, such household fiascoes didn't hold me back from participating in Yantra, a National Robotics Competition featuring robotic moguls & brilliant high-schoolers with their sophisticated machinery, unlike my homemade recreation toys. Although I was acquainted with the programmability of microelectronics, I was unsure about the configuration of the Voice-delivery modules for my Information-bot. I was always a solitary techie getting my hands dirty in diverse technical entities: from making a bulletin software for my high-school administration to designing UX for an application of Junior Jaycees humanitarian foundation. However, this time the state of helplessness urged me to collaborate with some handy Science Club members and after a fortnight of restless collaboration, the bot was ready. Ultimately, although my team seemed disappointed for just securing the 'Innovative-bot' honor, I was gratified to the nth degree after witnessing the dominance of team-effort over my technical insularity. Without my team's backing, my participation would have been a shaggy-dog story. Watching our creation do something as simple as speaking few instructions was exhilarating, particularly when we had built it with praiseworthy team-spirit. Collaboration is the soul of contemporary technological revolution.
nandasharma   
Dec 25, 2016
Undergraduate / 'Can I be the next team captain?' A bizarre situation and my reaction [3]

@shuprova
When the prompt asks you

a problem and/or an unfamiliar situation.

, then you gotta take the demand of it seriously. Your essay seems extremely common among several related articles I've seen. Think about a major upheaval of your life. Something that was a bit devastating not only for your academic life but also for your beloveds. This way the reader will pay more attention to your article. Please do revise your essay more seriously.

Best.
nandasharma   
Dec 25, 2016
Undergraduate / I am an elastic and completely down-to-earth guy. A note to my future roommate. (250) [12]

Virtually all of XXX's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate -- and us -- know you better. (100 to 250 words)

Let's have fun together - letter to my eventual roomie



Dear future roommate,
I am an elastic and completely down-to-earth guy. I can adjust at any viable circumstances you wish for. If you are much of an anti-social nerd then I could study like a madman with you or I could organize a mini-hackathon inside our dormitory featuring only you and I tackling various mathematical/computing challenges-just like I used to compete with my siblings back at home. However, if you are an outgoing fellow who shares his ideas/imaginations with colleagues to venture on an ambitious academic/extracurricular pursuit, then I'm the roomie of your dreams. I love playing music-I hope you won't crush my guitar someday- and I'm looking forward to having several jam-sessions after our long hours of study/assignments for our recreational purpose. At our leisure, I could briefly introduce you to the diverse cultural fiestas of Nepal and momentarily you may also find yourself chatting with me in Nepalese since I'm a 'brilliant tutor'- as quoted by my classmates, students and teachers-, so you needn't worry a pinch even if you get flustered by a professor's lecture or a complex numerical: I'll always attempt my fullest. I'm also a sports enthusiast-be it an indoor board game or an outdoor athletic adventure, you can always count me in. I believe in working smart than working hard so I adhere to going to bed and getting up early for my academic pursuits rather than burning midnight oil. Conclusively, we both shall have a lot of fun despite XXX's rigorous curriculum.
nandasharma   
Dec 25, 2016
Undergraduate / COLLABORATION AND THE TECHNOLOGICAL REVOLUTION [9]

@Holt
I think I've clearly mentioned the Voice Delivery system as the major issue for our robot, and also I learned several important skills from my partners

as I soaked up diverse skill-sets regarding apt coding platforms for robotics with the embellishment of system architecture and exteriors.

;However, I've made the following changes.

I was unsure about the configuration of the Voice-delivery modules for my Information-bot.

I lacked the knowledge of the Voice-delivery modules for my Information-bot.

Science Club buddies (from High-school): ...

Science Club buddies: which proved to be one of my wisest decisions as I implemented diverse skillsets from my friends regarding apt codes for voice-delivery and the embellishment of system architecture with exteriors for the finalization of our bot. After a fortnight of restless collaboration for constructing our robot
nandasharma   
Dec 25, 2016
Undergraduate / I am an elastic and completely down-to-earth guy. A note to my future roommate. (250) [12]

@Holt
As far as I'm concerned this essay is meant only for the Admissions Committee to review my other extra capabilities/interests rather than for matching perfect room partners at dorms. I respect your thoughts on inserting the sentimental connections that I'd develop with my future mate, but the word limit denies any changes and I'm also very satisfied with this. But, if you think I could insert your words somewhere in between my current text, then I'd be more than happy to do so. I think the statement "Conclusively, we both shall have a lot of fun despite XXX's rigorous curriculum." will do your job.

Thanks.
nandasharma   
Dec 25, 2016
Undergraduate / I am an elastic and completely down-to-earth guy. A note to my future roommate. (250) [12]

@Holt
I'm extremely sorry if my previous response offended you by any means. I just wanted your further suggestions for editing some specific parts of my essay. That's all. You needn't apologize to me. I'm the one seeking help from you. :) How can I add some aesthetic touches to these kinda responses ?
nandasharma   
Dec 25, 2016
Undergraduate / COLLABORATION AND THE TECHNOLOGICAL REVOLUTION [9]

@Holt
Thanks a lot. How about these edits?

However, this time I had to reach out to my Science Club buddies: which proved to be one of my wisest decisions as my friends implemented diverse skill-sets, from coding fluent voice-delivery mechanism to the embellishment of system architecture, for the finalization of our bot.

I was gratified to the nth degree .... Although our team secured a minimal honor of 'Innovative Bot' in the competition, watching our creation do something as simple as speaking few instructions was exhilarating, particularly when we had built it at a short notice with praiseworthy team-spirit.
nandasharma   
Dec 25, 2016
Undergraduate / Lafayette College Supplement: "Why Lafayette?" "Why do you do what you do?" [11]

Originally, I was searching for engineering universities as my tertiary education destinations, [...] For reasons cannot be fully explained here.

I would recommend you not to include this unnecessary information about your college browsing. Since the word count is limited, so you better invest those precious lines describing your impressions regarding the facilities. Overall, the composition is OK. Please repost after making the necessary recommended changes.
nandasharma   
Dec 25, 2016
Undergraduate / Nepal matters. Am I on the right track of this essay ? [6]

What matters to you, and why? (100 to 250 words)

Nepal, my country



My country is on the brink of annihilation due to its never-ending political vulnerability. Neither the citizens nor the players of the constitution are aware of the impending catastrophe. Nepal is landlocked and doesn't own a sophisticated military (powerless defense ministry with archaic equipment) or a backup energy resource (not a single productive thermonuclear/solar/wind power-plant)- under neighboring nations' thumb for many years- and it's a matter of shame and jeopardy for entire Nepal to be listed as one of the weakest countries. The info-graphics on media which exhibit disturbing statistics concerning the deterioration of the only few functional hydroelectricity projects spurs an ambition to strengthen Nepal's infrastructural integrity with inauguration of sustainable energy industry. So, in my case I'm going to maneuver the question as 'Why the future of Nepal matters to you the most?'. Having struggled my entire student-life through reiterative load-shedding(power-cuts) and 'Bandhas' (nerve-wracking political insurgencies), I can't soft-pedal the inevitable crisis my country's going to face due to its long-delayed alertness towards political tranquility and renewable energy production. I care about the agro-based Nepalese commerce and want to invest every inch of my knowledge to trigger an Industrial revolution- the only hope for Nepal's prosperity. I care about Nepal's abundant water resources and want to generate hydro-power from every drop of it. This is not me being egotist for my motherland, but I realize the gravity of global energy crisis while the rest of us are taking endangered resources for granted.
nandasharma   
Dec 25, 2016
Undergraduate / COLLABORATION AND THE TECHNOLOGICAL REVOLUTION [9]

@Holt
It was actually a team-event and also I've clarified that in my latest version of the essay (not posted). Are you telling me that showing an individualistic participation will be more impressive than mentioning the whole team ?
nandasharma   
Dec 25, 2016
Undergraduate / Nepal matters. Am I on the right track of this essay ? [6]

@Holt
With all due respect, don't you think the topic is itself asking for a wide observation (without any specific limit) ? If so, then would it work if I reduce the range of my article to the society where I grew up or my district ? What do you say ?
nandasharma   
Dec 26, 2016
Undergraduate / I am an elastic and completely down-to-earth guy. A note to my future roommate. (250) [12]

@Holt
Mary, Hackathon doesn't mean something that could harm the college's network. You misinterpreted that word. Even colleges themselves organize Hackathon events periodically. It's just a computing challenge to ensure competitiveness among the students towards Science/Technology. You needn't worry about that. Anyways, thanks again.
nandasharma   
Dec 26, 2016
Undergraduate / Through soccer I comprehended the significance of 'team-work' [2]

Briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (150 word limit)

Soccer and it's meaning for my development



Maintaining brilliant academics and community liveliness, simultaneously, demanded a true commitment; however, sometimes between the rush of my humanitarian and scholastic responsibilities, I teamed up with my District's and High-School's Soccer players in several competitive tournaments: HISSAN Cup 2072-73 B.S., Ganeshman Singh Cup, etc. Through soccer I comprehended the significance of 'team-work' for the triumph- be it in an academic pursuit (group science-projects) or an extracurricular longing (athletic team-events). Apart from providing a beneficent physical and mental workout, Soccer made me a guru in strategical planning and tactical thinking since I served as my team's Central Defender to create an indestructible formation of defenders and mid-fielders during crucial finales. I realized the benefits of fitness in a student's life as I could concentrate and succeed in my academic endeavors better than before. Thus, I can confidently comment that Soccer contributed a lot to make me a diligent and versatile student.
nandasharma   
Dec 26, 2016
Undergraduate / She knows what it feels like to be strong in STEM as a female. Barnard [5]

What would you talk about?...

Then, you gotta have a more serious topic to discuss about, not just about the importance of encouraging woman to go into STEM fields, but something like The Impact of Calculus in Modern Astrophysics, The Rocket Science women figure..or something more interesting. Furthermore, I would recommend you to talk more about the specific topic you'll discuss with her than using unnecessary aesthetic statements. When it comes to your ending statement, I prefer the Red one to the Blue one, since it displays a little bit of aggressiveness within you.
nandasharma   
Dec 26, 2016
Undergraduate / Reciting a poem backwards. Lehigh. You've just reached your one million hit on your youtube video. [7]

@alexgzm
It's still not about your talent that you learned when you're little. The prompt is directly asking you about how you utilize the Youtube service. Imagine you made a video about something that was productive for a lot of people/students, not just something about your freaky talent. Think much deeper and state what would you use as your video content that impacted several lives. Then, repost your essay agian.

Best.
nandasharma   
Dec 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Overpopulation of urban areas - problems and solutions [2]

@lalodhi
Here are few suggestions from me.

..., there has been significant rise in the urban population...
... and governments need to collaborate for tackling the overpopulation issues .

this sounds quite immature.
In this essay, I would assert on problems ...

Better write this:
The following essay will discuss about various problems and solutions regarding over-population in today's industrialized society.before delivering an appropriate conclusion.
nandasharma   
Dec 26, 2016
Writing Feedback / Art can soar economy of the country - spending money for it [5]

@Omerzafar
Here are some edits:

Turkey is famous for it isits art , overwhelming majority of tourismnumber of tourists come from divergent nations s...

You can probably correct several common grammatical errors by revising your essay yourself. I find a lot of simple Subject-Verb disagreements, Article Mismatches..so on. Do that and repost it again.
nandasharma   
Jan 4, 2017
Undergraduate / "What Would It Mean To You To Call Yourself A part of our university?" (100 words or less) [2]

the Megamind



Besides XXX University's appealing location, top-notch science & research infrastructures, familial community and outstanding extracurricular idiosyncrasies, I was awed by myriad opportunities it had in its pocket for me, not to mention its interdisciplinary schooling. I would not only just elevate athleticism amongst my fellow classmates or diversify the student body with exhibition of Hindu-Nepalese cultures, but I would also pick up miscellaneous academic/non-academic experiences which would succor my technological resolutions-mostly directed towards strengthening of cyber security by enlightening myself with XXX University's superlative Mathematics academics accompanied with exploitation of the state-of-the-art technologies like the Megamind of College of Arts & Sciences.
nandasharma   
Jan 4, 2017
Writing Feedback / The proportion of primary need expenditures in Malaysia and Japan in 2010 [2]

@ichaa
I've made the following necessary corrections.

Overall, it can be vividly observed that the least investments were made towards health care in both of the nations...

The largest proportion was witnessed in Japan which made it to stand in the first rate with around 29%....

While observing another statistics, the least household expenditure in both countries was in transport and health care with each having variable percentage of primary need. However, a domination of more than double was witnessed for Japan.

I would focus more over structuring your article. Two paragraphs would be enough for this text.
nandasharma   
Jan 4, 2017
Undergraduate / "Describe a situation when you transformed your thoughts about a topic" (100 words or less) [2]

Describe A Time When You Changed Your Opinion About An Issue. What Led You To Hold This Opinion In The First Place And What Led You To Change Your Views?

Inhaling the toxicity



Having grown up in a greenish plateau of eastern Nepal unacquainted with any of the environmental contamination, I used to acknowledge modern means of transportation as the eco-friendly chariots of human locomotion until I witnessed its dreadful ecological consequences during a month-long stay at Kathmandu: Nepal's capital city, home to more than a million citizens, is facing elevated levels of air pollution, thanks to rapid industrialization, rising vehicular emissions and deforestation. Being stuck at a traffic jam in one busy morning on my way to The American Library radically altered my perspective of automobiles' usability- human irrationalism.
nandasharma   
Jan 6, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Compare the merits and demerits of having a car. [2]

I think the following edits would be more suitable:

Nowadays, many people believe that cars bring possess more positive attributes than the negative ,..

Cars are the easiest and cheapest mean of transportation, indeed.

...he wants due to the availability of urbane infrastructures in the most of the places ...

I am convinced that the utilization of cars should still continue.

George, overall the diction use is fine and your content is also appreciable. Well done. I advice you to use the connecting words only when necessary. Overuse of those tools can be fatal for your presentation. So, use it but under limit.
nandasharma   
Jan 6, 2017
Essays / What unique in Soccer and Economics courses? And what inspired you to apply to Union? Supplement [4]

@Ranaomershehzad
You can include an anecdote that will describe your passion to pursue Economics in Union. When it comes to Soccer, just elaborate on your athletic participation history and specific achievements (if any). I'd recommend to keep the spotlight over Economics rather than Soccer. A brief description of an extracurricular activity is acceptable, but a long and boring text just for soccer could be fatal to your overall presentation.

Best.
nandasharma   
Jan 6, 2017
Undergraduate / Your 'ability to do' will appear in other parts of this application. The 'things needed to be done.' [3]

@marcusimwj

independent thinkers who create positive change in their communities.

This my friend is a pretty simplistic approach towards such a demanding topic. I'd suggest you to dig a lot deeper and finalize how have you impacted you locale, rather than making a couple of orphans happy for a moment. I'm sure you've done a more interesting and influential task than that. Mention that in brief, as the word limit is ridiculously just 100.

Best.

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