Undergraduate / Do UC's discriminate based on what career i say i want to pursue in my essay? [2]

I want to pursue a career in law enforcement, and more particularly a career in the FBI or other federal level agency, but I don't know if that is something i should put down in my essay. I was thinking that i'd like to be a lawyer too, but it's still just a close second. To be honest, i'm still not one hundred percent sure what i'd like to be, but still, what should i do about the essay?

Undergraduate / Review my Prompt #2 - Martial Arts? [5]

Alright my essay is a little longer than I'd like it to be, so it'd help if you could suggest things that could be condensed or that don't fit.

Also, I'd like to know if i went deep enough into how my experience affected me, or what I should do to make it better?

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

I am in the locker room of my high school, sitting down on the bench, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees, eyes closed, and headphones in my ears. I've just finished warming up, and any second now I'll be called out of the locker room and into the gym to face my opponent on the wrestling mat. I feel sick and nervous, and I start wondering how I got here, into this situation in the first place. I think back to the beginning.

The day after my eighth birthday, my grandfather decided I was old enough to start learning martial arts. My grandfather was a Karate practitioner, and so he began to teach me karate forms and techniques. As I trained, he would watch me and fix any of my errors. He was very particular about my form, and I would usually make a lot of mistakes before I finally got a technique right. Yet from these mistakes, I was developing quality traits. From my failures came humility, and from my successes I grew patience. I began to respect others more because I recognized that I had faults, yet respected myself as well because I knew I had the capability to fix them.

Then, two years after I had started training my grandfather passed away from cancer. My father could tell I was devastated and decided to keep up what my grandfather had started. However, instead of Karate my father taught me Judo. It was very different, as it required more physical exertion and strategy on my part. Judo requires the use of joint locks and positioning to control your opponent. I soon realized my life was like my opponent, and that I could control it with my attitude and decisions. As my understanding of this concept grew, so did my responsibility and confidence. These traits manifested themselves as I began to finish my schoolwork much earlier, studied harder, and started to help and stand up for others who needed support.

Another few years passed and before I knew it I was in my sophomore year of high school. I was talking to a friend, and he suggested that I join the wrestling team. I didn't know much about wrestling, but after my friend described it to me, I realized that wrestling could be the next step in my martial arts experience, and so I decided to join. Wrestling was less fluid but much more aggressive than judo, and the training was more intense. As I continued to train in wrestling, I could actually tell that I was maturing at a faster rate than ever before. The intensity of wrestling gave me the confidence that I could overcome any obstacle and it had broken all limitations I had previously felt. A year ago, I had never given the wrestling team a second thought, and now I am training harder than ever before. I realized that if my life could change just like that, and that if I could take on the intensity of wrestling, then anything could happen. No barriers, no limits.

It is because of my martial arts experiences that I am who I am today. Karate grounded me, it taught me to be respectful and modest. Judo gave me discipline, responsibility, and the understanding that I command my own life through my actions. Wrestling instilled in me a fiery confidence that I could do anything I dreamed of, that nothing was out of reach. This three-pronged spear of balance, control, and strength has helped me improve my grades, become a better role model, make better decisions, and strengthen my relationships. I'm proud of my metaphorical weapon, I'm proud to say that I am a karateka, judoka, and wrestler, and I'm proud of whom I have become.

I open my eyes. I am back in the locker room, and gone are the feelings of sickness and nervousness. I feel someone tap my back, and I look up. I'm being called out, it's my turn. I stand up and enter the tunnel that leads to the gym, the mat, and my opponent. As I walk, I remember all that I've learned over the years, and I feel a flame begin to burn in my heart. I can see the end of the tunnel. I don't know what my opponent plans to do, nor what I'll end up doing. But regardless of what happens, I know that with all that I've become, I will succeed. I emerge

Undergraduate / Seas of Rice to Interpol, UC Prompt 1 [2]

I wrote this essay extremely quickly, so I know that it's structure is pretty shoddy and it needs work.
I was just wondering if anyone has any suggestions for the direction I'm going, and whether or not I should go deeper or broader.

And the usual critiques and criticisms would be appreciated as well :).

Oh and its 287 words as of now, but I'd like it to be at 250, so if you could suggest portions i could condense that'd be great!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

It was the summer of 2009, and I was going to be staying in the small fishing village of Minamisanriku, Japan, with a host family. I had never experienced the culture of another country, and was skeptical to whether or not I'd enjoy Japan. However, once I arrived there, my expectations were flipped upside down and inside out.

Minamisanriku was spectacular. The hills were covered in tall evergreens and bamboo, and were surrounded by vast seas of rice fields. The skies had a marbled texture, full of translucent grey clouds with sunlight cutting through. From the way the water looked like liquid diamonds on the lily pads to how even the smallest huts seemed like architectural masterpieces, everything was amazing. I didn't know how I could have lived all this time and not have experienced something so perfect, but from that point on I did know that Japan was my new home, it was where my heart was.

After I arrived home, my love for Japan remained strong, and actually broadened. I began to take notice of the many cultures present in California, and my love of Japanese culture blossomed into a love for all foreign cultures. This passion continued to grow, and every day I was reading up on world affairs. I started learning Japanese, and it became my dream to pursue a career in international relations, so that I would be able to come into contact with other cultures on a regular basis. Whether it is through the U.S. Embassy, the United Nations, or INTERPOL, I know that my future lies in foreign affairs. As long as I am in contact with foreign cultures and customs, I know I'll be happy.

Undergraduate / Ghosts and Gods and Demons and Dragons - UC Prompt #1 [7]

This is my second essay for Prompt #1, because I don't think my other one really answered the prompt well and I think this one is more heartfelt.

Its 249 words long, and 250 is my limit, so not much more I could add unless I took stuff out. So yeah, any suggestions would be much appreciated!

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

My world is a place filled with mystery and magic, with ghosts and gods and demons and dragons. My world is a place where nothing is impossible, and where men make a difference. My world is the literary world.

From the moment I had learned to read, I had been on a rampage. I would read more books than any of my classmates; while my friends would grimace at the thought of reading, I'd beam. I idolized characters like Chrestomanci, Odd Thomas, and Rand al'Thor. From these characters, I learned lessons school could never teach me, and developed an imagination I never would have otherwise.

Inspired by these tales of courageous heroes and cunning characters, it became my dream to lead a life never lived before. I don't want to settle for mediocrity, nor do I want to just get by. I wanted to use all my talents and knowledge, all of who I was, to do something great. Since I was especially influenced by the concepts of protecting others and wanted to bring balance to the world like the characters I admired, I've been gravitating towards a potential future in the justice system, possibly in a federal law enforcement agency or maybe as an attorney. And even though I know my plans could change at any moment, I also know that no matter what I do, I plan on living life in a way no one else can, so that I'll leave my own unique imprint on the world. My dream is to live a life worthy of being read, and maybe, just maybe, my life will inspire someone else to do the same.

Undergraduate / Story of My Own - NYU Poem Prompt #2 (comment for comment?) [9]

Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.

I've never written poetry before so I don't know if i need to fix the structure or change the syntax or anything like that, so any comments about anything will be much appreciated.

I dream of seeing sights Magellan's Victoria never saw.
I yearn to be freer than even Daedalus on the wind
I long to find love Darcy and Bennett never found
I aim to be for justice what Wyatt Earp never was
I aspire to overcome what Carnegie never could
I strive to be strong where even Heracles never tread
They all have their stories
I shall have mine.

In case you don't understand the allusions:

Magellan was the leader of the first circumnavigation of the globe, although he himself didn't complete the voyage; he was killed in the Philippines. Of the five ship fleet, the only ship that made it was the Victoria.

Daedalus was the character in an ancient greek tale. He was a legendary inventor, and because of his knowledge was imprisoned by an enemy. However, using his brains he created wings out of feathers and wax, and with his son was able to fly away into the sky with his wings.

Darcy and Bennet are from the story Pride and Prejudice, and I'm not going to summarize that entire book.

Wyatt Earp was a famous sheriff and symbol of justice in the old west. He's a popular subject in western films.

Andrew Carnegie was a rags to riches story of the same period as Ford and Rockefeller. He started as a poor irish immigrant and grew to be one of the richest men in the world.

Undergraduate / Day with the suphero named Daredevil - NYU Prompt 1 [9]

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)

So I saw the word "fictional" and decided I'd take the riskier route and choose a new yorker who doesn't really exist. It took some time but i settled on Daredevil. First off I'd like to know if you think it's a good idea, or a bad one.

Here's what I have so far, I don't really know what direction to go from here. I was going to focus on the fact that he's a lawyer during the day, but i'm not really sure what to do from there.

"Um yes I think I'll order the bacon and cheddar omelet" I tell the waiter, before handing the diner's breakfast menu to him. I look across the table at my friend, Matt Murdock, who is still deciding what he wants.

Although he's blind, Matt needs no assistance in reading the menu. Using his heightened sense of touch, he simply brushes his fingers across the letters of the page in order to read the description of each dish. "I'll have the steak and hash combo" he finally decides. The waiter jots down the order, takes the menu, and walks away.

Although he's one of the best around, not many people know Matt Murdock the lawyer. Most know him by another title, the fearless superhero Daredevil. As a boy, Matt lost his sense of sight when some radioactive wasted accidentally splashed into his eyes. While the radiation destroyed his vision, it greatly enhanced all his other senses. Nowadays, he uses his heightened abilities to fight New York's crime, donned in crimson tights and armed with his trademark Billy club.

Our orders arrive, and we devour them in a very short amount of time. After the bill is paid, Matt suggests we head over to his office, so he can show me what he does for a living. I agree, and so we walk to Nelson & Murdock Law Offices.

Undergraduate / Crockett to INTERPOL - NYU Prompt 3 [7]

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line.

_____As a boy Nick Ogasa dreamed of having adventures like those of Crockett and Crusoe. Yet it wouldn't be until much later that he would realize his life was an adventure of its own. ____tells the tale of a youth driven to bring peace and balance to the world and his rise from special agent to Director of the FBI, his take down of history's most notorious serial killer, his assumption as Secretary General of INTERPOL, and how he virtually ended human trafficking and terrorism on Earth.

I only have 500 characters to use, and I can't figure out a name for this. I was thinking maybe something like balancing force, but then again it doesn't exactly fit. Any suggestions?

And the usual critiques will be much appreciated as well!

Undergraduate / NYU Prompts: Daredevil to Heracles to Philosophy to Interpol (Crit. for Crit.) [9]

Okay so I decided to post a thread of the entire supplement, but I would like it if I could have attention placed especially on Prompt 4, and Prompt 1. Thanks!

Oh yeah, and if you critique me I'll critique you!

If you had the opportunity to spend one day in New York City with a famous New Yorker, who would it be and what would you do? (Your New Yorker can be anyone -past or present, fictional or nonfictional - who is commonly associated with New York City; they do not necessarily have to have been born and raised in New York.)

If I could spend a day with any New Yorker it'd be Matt Murdock, lawyer during the day and superhero Daredevil at night. With my sights on a future in the justice system, who better to talk to than a man who both practices and enforces the law? Over lunch we'd sit and discuss the inner workings of justice, how it saves lives, and the ethics behind it. We'd go to a trial so I could see law being interpreted, and at night when Matt dons his crimson tights we'd pursue criminals and aid the police.

Write a haiku, limerick, or short (eight lines or less) poem that best represents you.

I dream of seeing sights Magellan's Victoria never saw.
I yearn to be freer than Daedalus on the wind
I long to find love Darcy and Bennett never found
I aim to be for justice what Wyatt Earp never was
I aspire to achieve what Carnegie never could
I strive to be strong where even Heracles never strode
They all have their stories
I shall have mine.

In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line. (I'm still working on a name for this, suggestions would be nice)

_____As a boy Nick Ogasa dreamed of having adventures like those of Crockett and Crusoe. Yet it wouldn't be until much later that he would realize his life was an adventure of its own. ____tells the tale of a man driven to bring peace and balance to the world, his rise from special agent to Director of the FBI, his take down of history's most notorious serial killer, his assumption as Secretary General of INTERPOL, and how he virtually ended human trafficking and terrorism on Earth.

Please tell us what led you to select your anticipated academic program and/or NYU school/college, and what interests you most about your intended discipline.

Two summers ago I began reading books about Zen philosophies. I became fascinated with its basic yet universal concepts, such as how everything is connected and that form equals emptiness. I branched out into other areas of philosophy, and read anything from ethics to metaphysics. Along with my passion, and the correlation between philosophy and higher LSAT scores, I decided to make philosophy my intended major, and am looking forward to reaching a deeper understanding of it.

Undergraduate / Philosophy and Rochester - URoch Short Answers [3]

So these are short answers and I wish I could write more but I'm only allowed 125 characters.

Any critiques, grammar checks, and edits will be much appreciated.

In 125 words or less, please answer the following questions.

What makes the University of Rochester a good fit for you? In answering, identify your sources of information, including any conversations you've had with Rochester faculty, staff, students, or alumni.

Living across the country from Rochester, I have little access to firsthand knowledge. However, I extensively researched online, where I read student reviews of the school as well as reports about Rochester's characteristics. I learned of its admirable push for diversity and I was thrilled to discover its open curriculum.

When my counselor heard of my plans to major in philosophy, she told me that a philosophy program's quality doesn't rest solely upon its ranking, but on class size as well. Since Rochester is both highly ranked and has a small student to faculty ratio, she recommended it as a great place for me to study. With its diverse and personal atmosphere, I think Rochester would be a great place to pursue my education.

Rochester students represent many different points of view. Each student constructs an independent study and research plan. Describe what you will contribute to Rochester's diversity of ideas, experiences, and identities. If you can, incorporate a positive past experience where you chose your own learning path, or a negative experience where you wanted to exercise more independence.

Two summers ago I discovered my interest in philosophy when I stumbled upon Zen book lying on the floor of the library. From then on I was on a philosophical quest to understand more about life, truth and existence, and I read everything from ontology to logic. I fell in love with the theories and concepts of philosophy, and began referring to them in everyday life.

I believe my understanding and passion for philosophy will allow me to become an open minded, liberal member of the student body. Ready to do and open for anything, I believe that I will be able to fully embrace all the opportunities at Rochester, and in turn will be able to contribute to the university all that I can.

Undergraduate / Victorious Little Umbrella Essay - Boston University Essay [5]

Okay so the introduction started as a joke but ended up becoming my intro and i'm not even sure whether or not I'm going to use it so feedback on that would be nice, as well as the usual critiques and edits :).

Critique for critique?

Essay #1: In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

My history teacher once told me my first name, Nicholas, is Greek in origin and means victorious. My father believes our surname, Ogasa, means "little umbrella" in Japanese. Does that make me a victorious, little umbrella? I'm not sure, but I think there are three words that represent me better than those do.

I'm dynamic. When I do things, I do them with all my energy, and do them completely. When I study for a test, I completely devote myself to my books, spending hours and hours until I know I've got the material down, and then study a little more. In any athletic activity, I make sure to push my body to its limits. For example, after a workout, if I'm still able to do one pushup, I go back to lifting weights until that pushup is impossible. My wrestling coach gave me the Coach's Award, saying I was the hardest working member of the team, and it showed as after only one year of training I made the varsity team.

I'm spontaneous. My motto is "One opportunity can become a thousand experiences," and so whether it's doing something new or embracing the chance to excel, I never hesitate to jump in. Many times I surprise even myself when I agree to participate in an event or try a new activity, but at the end of the day I never regret it. Occasionally I'll suddenly introduce myself to a complete stranger or visit places I'd never even considered on the slightest whim. Last summer, my spontaneity took me on a home stay in a small Japanese fishing village, as well as a weeklong backpacking adventure in New Mexico.

I'm broad-minded. One of Zen's most basic principles is that nothing in the universe is better or worse than anything else. Everything just is. Following this concept, I always accept and embrace things as they are no matter what that may be. My openness has led me to discover my strongest passions, including Zen philosophy, Dean Koontz novels, martial arts, fly-fishing, and poetry. I never look at things as weird or freakish; instead I give them a shot and a chance. I readily accept things as they are and I'm actually comfortable outside my comfort zone.

I believe that with my energetic drive, whimsical outlook, and open mind, I can positively influence Boston University. With these traits I know I can become a hard working member of many study groups, classrooms, clubs, events, and activities at B.U. I'll be sure to connect with many different people, and I know I can become an active participant at the school, taking full advantage of any and all opportunities. By completely immersing myself in all aspects of the school, I know that I can not only become a well rounded individual, but can help others to do the same. So while I don't know if I'm a victorious, little umbrella, I do know that I can become a strong addition to Boston University.