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Posts by marmaria
Joined: Sep 4, 2013		 Last Post: Oct 12, 2013
Threads: 10
Posts: 30  
From: Italy

Displayed posts: 40
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marmaria   
Sep 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / Toefl; Ability to relate well to people is more important than studying hard [5]

There are lots of arguments that the educational systems pay more attention to academic issues rather than improving social interaction of the students. I believe in order to hold a successful career, besides having necessary knowledge in the working field, we should be able to handle a good relation with our coworkers; and school is the best place where we can learn this ability.

First, communication with other people in the society is a really important factor. The main goal of building societies was to survive. It does not matter how much talented you are, you would not be able to go along difficulties of life without the assistance of other members of the society, because you are not able to handle every aspect of your life. This can be referred to the work life too. In your work place, even if you are the best knowledged and talented person, you need the help of other people to achieve a goal. Take my father as an example, who is a really successful businessman. He always tells us that in order to have a good business you should try to collect a group of workers together and try to make them to feel as a team.

Second, cooperation with other workers would help us to improve our knowledge and performance. In a work place where the entire employees have good relation with each other the atmosphere would be friendly. And all the workers would try their best to improve the quality of the work as a whole, rather than thinking to making their own duty perfect. For example, I had worked in a company where all the workers had a good relation with each other, for instance we all ate our launch together, even our boss used to sit with his employee during lunch time. Taking the advantage of this friendly work place, I earned so much experience in that place that I am still using them in my life. Because instead of thinking of works as individual duties, their aim was to show the best performance of the whole group.

In conclusion, I think in order to be a successful worker, we should pay as much attention to our knowledge as to our relation with our coworkers. I cannot say that which one is more important, but I think they both influence person's performance and should be paid attention.
marmaria   
Sep 4, 2013
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] the ability to relate well to people is more important. [4]

Dear ramshah
I wrote my writing about the same topic today. One thing that I can say is this:
When you agree about both ideas, you should give reasons to support both ideas. for example you should explain why both education and social communication should be paid attention.

It was just my idea. I would be happy to hear yours
marmaria   
Sep 5, 2013
Writing Feedback / Sharing room with other students or living on one's own? [2]

Living in dormitory is a very good opportunity for the students to be socialized and make friends. I prefer to spend my time to have fun with my friends rather than to find out my roommate's personality. Also I have some strange habits that a few people can tolerate, so I would prefer to choose my roommate by my own.

I really prefer to live with somebody who I know. I do not like to spend time and energy to get familiar with each other's lifestyle and habits to see whether we can go along with each other or not. Take myself as an example. When I first entered university I did not know anyone so, I chose my roommate based on the university's preference. She was a very kind and calm girl, but her laziness caused many problems between us; and these conflictions prevented us to make a friendly relation.

Also, I think it would be fun to live with your friends. I am really an energic and talkative person, and I enjoy spending time with my friends. During my university days, I was engineering students and my lessons were really hard, but when I just find even an hour free, I used to go out for dinner or go to park with my friends. For example I remember at the weekends we used to listen to music, dance, play card and talk until dawn

Finally, I have some strange habits that some people cannot tolerate and my roommate should be too patient to go along with them. For instance, if even a friend of mine speaks or laughs during my studies for exams,, it would make me angry. I remember the night that I had a hard exam, and all my 3 roommates left room, in order to provide silent place for me to study for my exam.

In conclusion, I think it is better for students to choose their roommates because they are going to spend their whole time with them. So they should be people who they can go along well, and have fun.
marmaria   
Sep 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / Essay about the influence of Technology on human thinking - feedback [4]

Dear Saiwiwo I read nearly half of your text. It was well organized and you have a wide knowledge of vocabulary. But I have an advice for you. your writing is very complex, and although you know too much vocab but you do not know how to use them properly. I think you have this problem, like me and other non-native english learners, we translate the sentences from our mother toungue to english. this makes our textes not to make sense. I think if you spend some time to read english textes, story books and work on your grammer, your writing will be excelent.

We are in the "tech era" where one is relied

it is not right to use where to express time (era)

for a
solution probably to a minuscule problem

You should use adverb "probably" to express a verb. you can say " For the solutions of even minuscule problems"

quote=saiwiwo]
should have to taste success[/quote]
should and have to can not be used in a sentence. I think it is better to say " that every literate person would handle"

Though,it provide a solution to the complex
calculation

it provides a solution

is
decremental in ones basic

is detrimental to ones basic

basic instinct of calculation.

is there any instinct of calculation?

Best wishes
marmaria   
Sep 8, 2013
Undergraduate / Growing up in an Asian-American home, I always felt different; DIVERSITY ESSAY [3]

hi kaybee
I think your english is pretty good and I am not so much confident to tell you some problems that sounds for me. I just want to mention some points that comes to my mind. I would be happy if I could help you.

I think your oversea experience was the turning point of your writing and it should be mentioned.
also if you want to make your essay shorter, there were some sentences that meant one thing but it was over written. for example

Now that I'm in college, I've met so many people from so many places around the world. I get excited when I see people from other countries at my college

you could just say, "Now I am really excited to have many non native students in my college " or you can say " Having many foreign people in my college makes me excited"

but they made me feel like the elephant in the room everyday.

I really did not understand what this part meant

people became accepting of my background

I think become should be omitted. " people accepted my background"

coming from a different background from others

I think it looks better if you write "having a different background from others "

it makes me want to get to know them and know more about their culture

" and I want to know more about them and their culture"

Starting the process of looking at schools to transfer to has been overwhelming, but exciting

Although the process of looking for a new school to transfer would be overwhelming, but I still find it exciting" or you can say " looking for a new school to transfer is an overwhelming, but also exciting process" .

and about people like myself

people like me?

and have it be a learning experience for everyone.

it seems a little strange for me but I do not know what is wrong about it
marmaria   
Sep 8, 2013
Undergraduate / These family values accompany me wherever I go; RUTGERS U- VIBRANT COMMUNITY [2]

dear zafarm
I do not find your writing intresting. and by middle of it, I was bored. you should revise because it had lots of gramatical problems. I mention some of them. you can search in the forum to find relevant written texts and get idea how to conduct your writing.
marmaria   
Sep 8, 2013
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] For me the influence of my friends was more highlighted than impact of the school [17]

[TOEFL] students influenced by teacher or by friends?

Can anyone please evaluate me and estimate my grade on the TOEFL exam? Thank you

School is a place where a student spends a large part of his time here. However in the school there are two group of people he has contact with: the teachers and the students. In order to decide whether the teachers or the friends have more influence on child, we should go over our school days memories. For me the influence of my friends was more highlighted.

In most of the schools there is a formal relation between a student and his teacher. The teachers would prefer to spend the class time to work on the academic issues rather than making friendly relation with each student. Thus his friends are the one who he spends his free time to discuss his daily events and interests to find some in common aspects with each other. Unconsciously he would try to look alike his friend and this is the influence that I mentioned. Take me as an example. I had a friend in high school, named Mary. We were so much close friends that when we get home from school, we spent nearly an hour to talk on phone. Although my mother did not support my friendship with her, but she had such a large influence on me that I did not admit my mother's idea. Little by little my manners were changed. I changed into a lazy, anxious child and I always disobeyed my parents, exactly the manners that Maria showed towards her parents.

In addition, for a child in a friendly environment like a classroom, if he does not treat the same as his friends, he would find himself lonely. Usually children think that if they do not act like their classmates, they would isolate him, and this fear of loneliness would force them to accept many things that they do not admit inside their heart. Consider a group of students who want to play a joke on their teacher. If one of the group members decides to tell on them, they would find him disloyal and would not let him to be a member of their group any more. So in order to socialize in this small society, named class room, the students would try to adapt themselves with other classmates. This is another feature of the influence that friends can have on each other

In conclusion, the influence of friends on the child's behavior is much more than the teachers. Maybe to prevent the harmful effects that child's friends would have on his behavior it is said to parents that "try to be your children's best friend".
marmaria   
Sep 11, 2013
Writing Feedback / Essay introduction about SELF CONFIDENCE [2]

WOW...are you a poet?
your introduction was really beautiful. I do not know if it maches the requirements for the independent essay on TOEFL. But it was very good. and I can imagine the face of the one who evaluates you essay.
marmaria   
Sep 11, 2013
Grammar, Usage / The so called word "irregardless" [5]

in Longan ductionary beside the word irregardless "non-standard" was written which means:
non- standard ways of speakings are not usually considered to be correct by educated speakers of a language
what I understand is: although they look like opposite, they are the same , but it is accepted by educated people
marmaria   
Sep 12, 2013
Writing Feedback / [toefl] important business woman; business or house? [2]

you have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. which would you choose to buy? give pecific reasons to explain your choice.

I am an engineer and having my own business is one of my dreams. So, it is apparent that if I had enough money I would prefer to purchase a business.

The manager's success is always dependent on their employee's knowledge, energy and skill. Although I am aware of the importance of management in rolling a company or a business, but the most beneficial and prestigious one among all of the people, who collaborate in the project, is the "manager". I do not really like to work for other people because I want to view the results of my attempts in my own life. When you are some body's employee your progress in your life is in the hands of another one and your attempts, struggles and skills would have a partly effect on it. For example when I started my job, there was a dead-end project about cooling the computers using micro channel heat sinks, which was accidently was my specialty. I could solve the problem they had about the cooling liquid. What I got was a card of thanks from my boss with a cheque for 200$, which is half my salary. In contrary what he got was an innovative technology which really increased his sells.

Also, when I close my eyes I see myself a very rich and powerful person. By purchasing a business and turning it into a successful one, I can fulfill many of my dreams that buying a house is just one of them. For example I really like to build a school in a distant country near my home town named "Bartios". It does not have any high school for girls, so many on them do not have opportunity to continue their studies. I want to help them to learn how to live and stand on their feet.

In conclusion, as you understand, I am a very active girl who wishes to be very successful and important business woman. I always say, people should live in a way that when they become old and look at their life line, they should find it very unique and valuable and be proud of themselves.
marmaria   
Sep 12, 2013
Writing Feedback / Benefits of Micro-lending. GRE Analyze an argument, Feel free to comment [4]

I am preparing for toelf and GRE simultaneously too. my gre exam is on 29th september and my GRE 2 weeks later. My mathematics and reading is good, so I just plan to answere math and reading questions in the verbal part..I have some problems in writing. I do not write well and I do not know what to do :(
marmaria   
Sep 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / [Toefl] spending equal amount of money on libraries and sports? [2]

Do you agree or disagree with the folowing statement?
At universities and colleges, sports and social activities are just as important as classes and libraries and should receive equal financial support

*******************************************
University students can be divided into two groups, one group with less interest to study and the other which include hard working students. Usually the second group's members do not have enough time to do exercise. We all know doing exercise for at least 30 minutes form the basis of the healthy and happy life. But I don't think that equal amount of money should be spent on academic issues like libraries and laboratories and physical or social activities.

First, in my view spending too much money for equipping the gyms or constructing football/basketball courts are really not necessary to encourage students to do sports. For example, my roommate, Mary, always wakes up 6 in the morning and spends 1 hour doing sport in the park which is near our dormitory. When she gets to the dorm, she is really full of energy and after taking a shower, she is ready to start a good day. As you see, she is doing exercise without spending a cent. What the university should do is informing the students the benefits of doing sport by hanging some posters in the campus, inviting some athletes to lecture for students and encourage them to spend some time for their body and health.

In addition, students choose their major based on their interests. The university should provide the best equipment needed for physical education students. Because their major in completely involved in physical activities. In contrast, for an engineer or a medicine student I do not find it fair enough to equip gyms instead of their laboratories, because it really make the students enthusiastic to use innovative technology to learn and maybe find new things in their field.

Finally, spending money on social activities looks like wasting money. For students who want to gather with their friends or want to go out to meet new people, university programs are the last place they would choose. For example when I and my friends want to spend time with each other, we prefer to go out of university to the places where we do not want to be disturbed by any familiar people.

In conclusion, I do not deny the importance of doing sports in the success of university students, but I think both sports and social activities should not receive equal amount of money with libraries and laboratories.
marmaria   
Sep 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / Some argue parents should impose strict control on their children [4]

hi nectar
you write very good, I learned so many useful structures from your essay

An instance illustrating this in action is

I would rather to say, " as a result, the child de

child develop the attitude of sharing their true feelings

"The child develops the attitude of sharing his/hertrue feelings" or you can just say " The child would prefer to share his/her feelings"

misuses their independence and influenced by bad companies indulge in illegal practices like drug trafficking, sexual abuse as they disrespect parents words

I do not think independence is a good word, it is better use "freedom"
Also I think in this paragraph you just wrote about the friendly relation between children and their parents, and they share everything with their parents. I think first you should mention that some broad-minded parents do not constantly control their children and give them freedom in their lives, but some children misuse this freedom...and continue so
marmaria   
Sep 15, 2013
Writing Feedback / [Toelf] idea or fact? which one is important [3]

Do you agree or dis agree with the folowing statement?
It is important for students to understand ideas and concepts than it is for them to learn facts. use specific reasons and examples to support your answere

************************
I would be glad if you help me about my essay
************************

Curiosity is a common characteristic of all the human beings. Since we were child we used to ask so many questions and we were not convinced so easily. "Why birds can fly? ", "why we cannot fly?", "Why the sky is blue", "where does the sun go during nights? ". These are examples which show we were seeking the truth and facts since we were children.

In my idea no one can hold information in their mind for a long time without really understanding them. Because anything that is not stuck in our minds, would be forgotten by time. While anything which is learned deeply by understanding the facts and the parameters affecting the issue, would not fade. A survey was conducted among fourth grade students in elementary. Most of the students did not like mathematics and find it really hard. The survey showed that when they were in the first grade, they learnt alphabet by memorizing the letters, so they get used to learn other lessons like mathematics in the same way. The important thing here is this: during their life every time they read or speak, they use alphabet in the concept of using language to communicate and thus using alphabet becomes a part of their lives. But mathematics remained a al a lesson which should be memorized rather than learnt, and as they went to upper grades, they were not be able to handle harder stuff of math by memorizing and so found it non sense.

Even this issue is more important in universities too. After graduation .students would go to get a job. But we all know that the stuffs we learn in university are really different with the problems we face in our careers. In order to handle those duties, we have to analyze the problems and compare the solutions to see which one overweighs and choose the best way. Also we should have the enough facts and knowledge to convince that the solution we suggest is true.

In conclusion, all of us are seeking for facts rather than concepts since we are child. But during the time this characteristics of most of us become passive. In my idea it is really crucial for students to understand the facts rather than concepts. It would help them to be more successful in school and workplace.
marmaria   
Sep 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / Some parents have many obvious similarities and differences; Compare and contrast essay [4]

Hi
It was better for you to write down the toic , so it was better for us to evaluate your essay
you are writing good but I guess you should try more, because your sentences are not connected with each other. each sentence within the paragraph has a different concespt. It is good for you to read more in english. and one thing else. you should mention your topic in your introduction, but I did not get clearly what was your essay about.

Some parentscouples have many obvious similarities and differences. We always think that for a happy marriage, two people must share many similarities. My parents have been married for twenty years and they have a happy marriage. However, people are always curious about how they can even have a word with each other, for they are two different people. Their differences in appearance, personality, and way of living somehow work well together.it sounds wrong for me, I do not know why, maybe you can say "the differences between their appearances, personalities and lifestyles, somehow work for them"

My mom and dad seem like two different people but they work really well together even though they sometimes fight. Any parentcouple can be mad at the otherwith each other for a while but always they would find a way to work it out. I think that's why my parents work so well together because they never hold grudges. They talk it out. My mom and dad both are very supportive and are the best parents one could ask forwas your topic about parents or couples . They both enjoy life together, and support my brother and me when we are having off days or when we need a solution to a problem that we have.

My dad is a big goofball(is not it somehow rude?) that tries to fit in with my brother and me. He thinks he's cool and hip but in reality, he isn't. Some parents weren't as talented like my dad was in high school and college. My dad was the superstar swimmer and water polo player in high school and college. He is very involved with me and my brothers swimming and helps out at all of the swim meetsSo he help us in swimming . I believe he thinks that, that keeps him cool and hip. All dads try to be cool and fit in with their son or daughter, I think. My dad is more of the strict parent about schoolwork and making sure we are getting good grades. On the other hand, my mom is more of the strict parent when it comes to getting stuff done around the house and making sure me and my brother are getting everything done. My mom wasn't a star athlete in high school. Most of the time, she was playing tennis with her friends. My mom is from Kansas but moved around a lot as a kid because her dad was in the military, and my dad had never moved as a child and stayed in Washington all of his life.

I don't think I could pick a favorite parent. Both my mom and dad are always there when I need them. My mom and dad have such different parenting styles that I couldn't choose. My mom and I butt heads a lot but I think that's only because we're both girls and we create drama. My mom helps me out with any of my classic girl problems while my dad is tough and has me choose what I think is right. I think my mom is more difficult to handle because of the fact that she and I butt heads a lot.

Although parents are always there for you whenever you need them, none of them are perfect. They can be complete opposites but have a perfect twenty year marriage. One parent can be strict and on task and one can be kind of strict and goofy. It all depends on the family
marmaria   
Sep 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / Qualities of a good son/daughter? - Cultural influence and Time factor [5]

What are the important qualities of a good son or daughter? Have these qualities change or remain the same over time in your culture? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

***************************
The definition of a good child differs between societies and cultures, but in my country an obedient and kind person would be considered as a good son or daughter.

Parents always expect their children to obey them. No matter how old they are. They cannot bear their children's disobedience even if they are married. They interpret in most of their important decisions like choosing major, career or even marriage. I think nowadays children in most countries do not obey their parents like their ancestors. Since they become eighteen years old, they prefer to choose their own way and live based on their own criteria rather than their parents'. Experiencing conflict between my ideas and my parents', I mostly follow my parents. Although you would say I should make my own decisions but I think my parents would not mislead me. Also it satisfies me when I see they are happy around me.

I usually try to treat kindly with my mother, the same behavior she showed when I was young and I needed her assist. She used to give love and kindness to me, and I think it is now the time for me to treat the same way. Everyday my mother calls and asks me to take her to buy fresh vegetables. I know that is easier for me to go shopping once a week, but when I see how happy my mother is when I take her out, I become happy too. I think if I behave kindly with my parents, in return my children would behave in the same way with me when I become old. I see most of my friends are behaving in the same way, so fortunately kindness is still considered a value in our society.

Beside the effect of culture, time is other important factor is definition of values in a society. Kindness was considered not only a character of a good child, but also a character of a good person and it still remains as valuable as 100 years before. Children used to obey their parents and imply their opinions in their decisions, but nowadays most children make their own decisions without consulting.
marmaria   
Sep 23, 2013
Undergraduate / First shot...in! ; Intellectual Vitality (Stanford Essay)- Engineering Design [2]

Having to develop a machine capable of shooting baskets for my second-year engineering course was a daunting task

I had got a daunting task of developing a machine capable of shooting baskets, when I was just a second year engineering student.

After first conjuring up ideas of a golf-swing mechanism, my partners and I immediately went to building

conjuring up ideas of a golf-swing(?????what is it) mechanism, mwith the help of my parents, I started building it.

After days of construction, it was time for a test run

two days later, our first model was ready to test.

This design is not going to work

my machine was not going to work.

I would have to expand beyond seeming limitations

go beyond limitations

Life and intellectual endeavors are not results of single choices

I think it is better to say attempt rather than choice

I can show you about a dozen ways how not to build one

a dozen ways that would not lead you to build one
marmaria   
Sep 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / [toefl] people born with certain talents or they are taught? [6]

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111

Some people think that talented people are the God's beloved creatures and the talents were given to them. Contrarily, others claim talents are the results of trainings and hard working.

Most of us see talented people as extra ordinary ones, with abilities that cannot be accessible for everyone. It can be true in some ways. Recent genetic experiments show most behaviors and skills are transferred between generations by genes. Mohamad Reza Shajarian is an internationally acclaimed Persian traditional singer. His son has inherited the same skill and is now singing under his father's supervision. This example supports the idea that people are born with talents.

Once I read a story about the famous basketball player, Mikael Jordan, who was once fired from his school's basketball team because his couch did not find him enough talented. But he decided to show everyone he could play basketball, he achieved his goal by trying hard. No matter how talented you are, if you do not try hard, you would not be able to develop you talents. I know some students with high IQ, but they do not try to do well at school. They are talented but as long as they neglect their education, they would not be assumed as good students.

I think everybody has a special talent, some people show effort to find and develop their talents, while the others just regret they do not have the other people's abilities. Willingness and diligence is even more important than talent. I do not ignore the role of genes in people's talents, but I think in the families where there is a well-known singer oractor, the children in the family would be familiar and even trained since their childhood. And again this highlights the importance of hard working beside the talent they inherited.
marmaria   
Sep 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / [toefl] people born with certain talents or they are taught? [6]

Thanks dear gmad for your comments.
when I started writing I thoght I should not personalize my essay and use "I", but when I read BARON's writing book, I saw in the samples he tries to write it using " I/you". one of my professors once told me the same thing. He said try to show for the reader that the ideas are from your own life, try not to just explain reasons for the reader.

I do not know what to do!! do you have any information which method is better for TOEFL independant essay?
marmaria   
Sep 26, 2013
Writing Feedback / Qualities of a good son/daughter? - Cultural influence and Time factor [5]

Thanks dear dummi. I have an exam just 3 days later. But I will continue cisiting this foroum because it is really helpful . your comments are really useful for me. do you think I can get 20 out of 30? please be honest. I have not uploaded my rewen writings. I am writing 5 essays these days, this forum encouraged me to write and read more.
marmaria   
Sep 26, 2013
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Secure job or satisfying job ? Which option would you take? [3]

Do you agree or dis agree with the following statement.
If people have opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away, rather than wait for for the job that would be more satisfying.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unemployment is a serious problem in almost all the developing countries,while it does not seem to be a problem in most developed countries, such as Germany and US. There are some unemployed people in those countries too; maybe they do not have professional expertiseor they just cannot find a job appropriate for themselves. Factors such as economic climate and the person's living circumstances, responsibilities and skills effect a person's decisions in choosing a satisfying job or just a job to earn money. Living in IRAN, I always prefer to have a secure jub, different people have different ideas.

The economic situation of the country is the prominent factor effecting people's preferences in choosing occupation. In my country, IRAN, the poor economic situation forces most industries to lay-off or even closure. Increased number of unemployed people and unstable economic situation compel the people to concentrate on finding a job that meet their expenses.

Skilled and well-educated people look for the jobs that fit their specialty. What about the other group of people? Think of a worker; maybe he does not enjoy washing the dishes at the restaurant, but there is not any other option for him, because he is not an expert or educated man. Or a newly graduated engineer has fewer job offers than an experienced engineer. So the more you are skilled and experienced, the more job opportunities you have.

Also sometimes living circumstances would force people to choose a career which they do not wish for it. Sometimes life force you to walk in a way that you do not prefer to, the thing that happened for my father. When he finished his under graduate studies at university and became a geologist, he dreamed of continuing his education and being a university professor. He wanted to devote the rest of his life to scientific researches. But he was father of 2 children; his responsibilities of fatherhood overweight his desire to find a satisfying job.

In conclusion many people do not choose their desired job because of living circumstances. People holding the opposite side may argue that in this case people would not enjoy their lives. Experiencing the same conflict, my father always says sometimes you are forced to do something without willing to do it, in this case try to take it easy and enjoy your new situation; it is the only way to live happily.
marmaria   
Sep 26, 2013
Undergraduate / SONGS/NOVELS/OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES; Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it [2]

Dearkaustubh
if I were you , I would not concentrate on just playing, I am sure you have other things to do for pleasure ...for example I would say, "I always read at least a national and a local newspaper every day. It is not a kind of thing I do it for pleasure, because these days the world's news are more painful rather than enjoyable; but I still have to be updated. Mostof the weekends my friends and I have some parties, where we dance and listen to music; dancing is good to relieve stress. I also enjoy going outdoors for pleasure. Some times I go window-shopping with my friends, and we go to a nice place to have a meal and chat. Also I enjoy doing different sorts of sport, like playing football, swimming and running. I am a member of my workplace's football team, although we are amateur players, we really enjoy the time we spend there playing. I think nothing can relieve your stress like having a sauna and massage. "

I wrote my comments about your essay. you are writing good; I am sure you can write better

I love bouncing different balls around my room in times when I can't go out.

I love bouncing balls against the wall when I have to stay indoors.

I just enter the grounds with my Nike's and play a random game

I just go to playground and play a random game

or else pack my gear and go to the pool

you should omit else

I like to take my Hypervenom to the field with a long drive on the way

I could not under stand this sentance

Listening to songs of different kinds form part of my major pleasure related activities

I we say " different types or genres of music"
marmaria   
Sep 27, 2013
Writing Feedback / [toefl] Youth do not give enough time to help their society? [7]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Young people nowadays do not give enough time to helping their communities. use specific reasons and examples to support your answere.

When human beings first started to build a community, they knew the individual would not stay alive and succeed without other people's assist. Nowadays some people think the youth spent most time for their own success or improvement, rather than helping their society. I do not support that idea; I think if young people try to improve their livings, indirectly they improve their community.

It may look like when the young people try to be successful, he is thinking only of himself rather than other people in his society; it can be correct, but indirectly they affect other people's lives by providing them with knowledge, new skills, and new industries. Consider an engineer trying to build a big factory to be a wealthy man; the factory he is going to build may provide work and opportunity for learning new skills for his workers. Think of a doctor who wants to find a medication healing incurable illnesses to be famous all around the world; He would give health for millions of people. The university professor who uses the student's energy to write papers to be titled as "professor"; in this regards he teaches many skills and knowledge for his students. Even when they just think of themselves, they would help their community. I should say there are many other people who aim to help their community. For instance, I know a doctor who does not get any money from his patients once a week. Or my mother was a teacher; she really put all her energy on educating her students.

People holding the other side, may argue that there are many people who not only does not help their society; but also try to harm it. For example, the drug dealers who sell "Cocaine" or "Mary Juana"; the youth mostly fall prey to them. I would say there are always bad and good people in the society. We cannot eliminate all of them from our societies, what we should do in training the youth to follow the right path.

We all know that personal success lies under the society's success. Better community is not achievable without trying hard.
marmaria   
Oct 12, 2013
Writing Feedback / Personal enjoyment? Everyone is working as a diligent worker for the family. [9]

Dear pahan I meant happy :D:D:D
I will continue to take part here because it helped me alot. and I will continue to work on my english :D

Dear cgcbjunpark

I read your essay. I think you have to work a little more on the introduction. you have a good vocab knowledge. If you work more on your grammer, you can write better essays.

China is one of the country that

is one of the countries

heavy responsibility

I do not think it is right to say heavy responsibility. It is better to say great responsibility

Firstly, Asia

first,
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