Writing Feedback / Success is to achieve one's dreams and wishes but not all successful scenarios end in happiness [3]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in. Thank you!

Prompt: Can success be disastrous?
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Success is to achieve one's dreams and wishes, and as humans, success is usually one of the parameters for happiness. Yet not all successful scenarios end in happiness. Often the successful ones will find themselves plagued with new problems as a result of their achievements, problems that are sometimes worse than those dealt with before success. Success can not only be problematic, it can be disastrous.

One of the most successful people in American history was Andrew Carnegie. Carnegie, founder of Carnegie Steel and icon of the American Industrial Revolution, rose from rags to riches in an epitomized version of the American Dream. He became one of the world's richest men through his steel empire. Yet the wealth and accolades he earned also came with protest and legal issues. Smaller companies detested his use of trusts to knock competition out, and eventually, Carnegie's empire faded away with the passing of he Sherman Anti-Trust Acts. Carnegie's success was riveting in its buildup, but disastrous for all the other companies he overshadowed.

The chaos of success is not limited to individuals. Entire countries may be plunged into tumult by success. The stock market crash of 1929 is one such example. Americans had just experienced the Roaring 20's, a golden age of economic prosperity for even the poorest farmers. Businesses everywhere thrived and stocks soared. Yet this ephemeral era of good feelings brought unforeseen disaster when the market suddenly disappeared as a result of the lavish lifestyle people were jumping into. The upshot was a decade of economic depression, one of America's worst financial times. The Great Depression showed us that where there is success, catastrophe is sure to follow close behind.

While success is a well-deserved conclusion to hard work and toil, it is not the end-all-be-all to life. As we enjoy the fruits of our labors, we must always be prepared to face any unforeseen consequences that may result from our successes, because as history has proven many times, success can be disastrous.

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Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Do we need others to understand ourselves? [3]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in. Thank you!

Prompt: Do we need others to understand ourselves?

Introspection is a powerful tool for self-reflection, but even more potent in accomplishing that is the company of others. By interacting with people, we put ourselves in situations impossible to experience when we are alone. These experiences shape our identities by revealing aspects of ourselves we may have never noticed before. The company of others helps us understand our own strengths and goals.

We often think that inner strength comes to us when we are at our loneliest point in life, but it is from other people which we derive this strength. An example of this is notable physicist Richard Feynman. Feynman was a prodigy since childhood; some people consider his genius to be innate. Yet it was not until he met fellow researcher John Wheeler at Princeton University that he began to discover the true potential of his thinking. Wheeler challenged and checked Feynman's theories and intuitions in ways Feynman had not experienced before. By interacting with Williams, Feynman found out how to utilize his powerful mind to even greater extents.

In addition to our strengths, other people help us understand our goals as well. In the epic of Odysseus, the hero is confronted by Circe, an enchanting sorceress, on her island. Circe lulls all of Odysseus's men and shows Odysseus everything a man would need to be superficially happy, but as he stays with her longer, Odysseus realizes what he truly needs to be happy. Circe's utopian island allowed Odysseus to reevaluate himself, thus discovering that his true desires would be fulfilled when he returned home. Being in the company of someone else, not matter how deceiving that person is, will help elucidate our dreams and desires.

Socialization is the key to many of the locked doors within ourselves. Though some believe that true self-realization must be done in solitude, that solitude can only help us understand what we ourselves already understand. In order to probe deeper within our strengths and our goals, we must seek the company of others.

Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Are rewards harmful motivators? [3]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in. Thank you!

Prompt: Is it wrong or harmful to motivate people to learn or achieve something by offering them awards?
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In the fast-paced age of the millenium generation, self-motivation can be hard to find. Many people find themselves bored of doing work that produces no immediate outcome, and eventually lose interest in putting effort into that work. In such instances it is important to have an external stimuli to give people an initial push. When the self-driven desire to learn or achieve is hard to find, rewards and incentives are the best catalysts to develop motivation.

For the majority of everyday tasks in our lives, there is no real purpose behind them. We do them either because we are required to or because they are easy, not because we truly want to do them. I experienced this through my years as a competitive swimmer. Every week we would have early morning practices before school at 5:30 AM. to wake up groggy and disoriented on a school day and get ready to dive into an ice cold pool is not something anyone wants to do. Yet every week, thirty swimmers showed up, ready to endure another grueling practice. The reasons to our actions were simple. Attending practice showed dedication, which put each of us in the position of possibly being team captain. The reward of being able to lead our own teammates through the next season was an incentive that instilled the desire to better ourselves within us. By having a reward put in front of us, we expedited our own training.

Rewards are not only motivators; they build confidence as well. Recently, our school hosted a math tournament, with the intent to promote a love of math within the elementary school students. In our first year, we offered prizes only to the top scoring participants for their outstanding performance. The result was a disparity between the so-called losers and winners. Children who did not get rewarded felt discouraged and worthless, the complete opposite of what the tournament aimed to do. Two years ago, we changed the ceremony to offer all participants a small prize for participating, and unsurprisingly, the number of contestants increased the following year. The rewards not only gave the children a reason to love math, but also the confidence to pursue it.

Many people will demean the value of rewards by seeing them as materialistic and harmful towards achieving a goal. However, through experience I've learned that more often than not, rewards are a valuable tool for discovering self motivation and building confidence, further enriching the path to success.

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Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Should we weigh opinions equally or put more weight on informed opinions? [3]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in. Thank you!

Prompt: Should we weigh opinions equally or put more weight on informed opinions?
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Everyone is entitled to and retains certain opinions about certain things. Some are formed with more certainty than others, but what is most important in considering opinions is the amount of fact behind them.

Lack of fact in opinions can seriously endanger a person's wellness. This is evident in the nutritional health of modern Americans. In the effort to stay healthy, many people turn to fad diets that help them lose weight in the fastest manner possible. The popular opinion that healthy and slim are interchangeable is one that is backed by stigma from the media rather than scholarly evidence. The upshot is scores of Americans rushing to jump aboard the latest weight loss trend, only to find themselves back where they started once the excitements fades. By putting weight on opinions that are not well-substantiated scientifically [is this too specific for my thesis as a closing sentence?], we put ourselves at risk.

Misinformed opinions are also catalysts for conflict. A heavily conflicted issue is that of religion. Many people from opinions on certain religions based purely on how others around them feel about the same subject. Instead of learning the real motives and history of the religion, they flout it for rather meager reasons. The ignorance from this causes deep rifts between both sides, such as the debate between upholding christian values or allowing looser restrictions in business concerning homosexuals in Indiana. [This previous sentence felt a little wordy; any suggestions to improve?] If opinions were supported by information rather than feelings, people would be more understanding towards each other [is this too specific for my thesis as a closing sentence?].

Although all opinions should be respected equally, they should not be weighed equally. Opinions cannot be correct or incorrect, but they can be well-rooted or shallow. In order to avoid the damage of everyday risk and moral tension, it is important to consider well-informed opinions with more weight.

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Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Is adversity necessary to discover who we are? [3]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!

Prompt: Do you think that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?
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There has never been a successful journey unaccompanied by adversity. Adversity makes life challenging, and in our challenges we find rewards. If one were to live in complete ease of mind and body, the opportunity to show what one is made of would be nonexistent. Adversity is necessary in order to discover who we are emotionally and physically.

In the face of adversity we reveal our strengths. This can be seen in one of the most well-known scientific journeys in American history, that of Thomas Edison. Famous for developing the lightbulb and founding the company General Electric, Edison toiled for many years before he could finally call himself the successful inventor of the lightbulb. It is said that he logged over 1,000 failed lightbulb models before he finally found one that worked; even then, his prototype was still flawed. Yet Edison continued on, and the years of failure that he faced not only produced the Edison bulb, but revealed his dedication and perseverance.

In addition to character, adversity helps us develop physically. This is evident in the career of world record-holder Rebecca Soni, who must swim over fifty hours a week to improve her performance. Enduring grueling practices every day certainly takes a physical toll, but through that hard work and water resistance, Soni created a body that could set and then break her own world record. Soni's success exemplifies the necessity of adversity in physical training.

Although some may consider a state of ease to be the best way to nurture personal development, ease cannot reveal as much about ourselves as hardship does. Adversity is inevitable in any personal journey, whether mentally or physically. Only by facing the adversity and experiencing it ourselves can we reveal our true personal and physical potential.

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Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Are all heroes eventually forgotten? [2]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!

Prompt: Are there some heroes who will be remembered forever? Or are all heroes doomed to be forgotten one day?
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Henry Wadsworth Longfellow once wrote that "Time has a doomsday book, on whose pages he is continually recording illustrious names. But as often as a new name is written there, an old one disappears." It is true that as the present passes into history, certain people will be forgotten. However, at the same time other names survive each passing century without ever fading. Through literary preservation, some heroes are remembered forever.

Greek literature is a classical example of the ability for stories to last. The stories of Hercules, Perseus and Odysseus have lasted for thousands of years, and are retold every generation. The fact that those tales have been physically recorded gives the heroes a permanent feeling that society has rushed to maintain. Whether through movies or plays, the books holding these stories inspire those who read them to reinterpret and recreate them, fostering a mission to continue those heroes' legacies.

Contemporary books share the same cultural preservation as well. Fantasy bestseller Harry Potter has become so iconic that the name is synonymous with the creative aspect of modern literature. Although Harry Potter and other similar recent books have existed far less time than Odysseus, they have already had the same impact on the generation they were written for. The heroes in these stories are kept alive because of this literary influence.

The pragmatic nature of books is truly embedded in modern life. Books not only tell stores; they pass them on. By reading these stories, we allocate memory for their horoes within ourselves, thus preserving them in time. Through literature, new and old heroes alike survive the corrosive nature of passing time.

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Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Are heroes those who speak up when others lack the courage? [3]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!

Prompt: Should heroes be defined as those who speak up when others lack the courage to do so?

The archetypical hero is built, muscular and physically indestructible. However, the term hero encompasses much more than just physical strength. More than anything, genuine heroes need to be mentally strong in order to face the challenges they encounter. The most difficult of these challenges is speaking up against authority, as the consequences can include social rejection and harsh punishment. Real heroes are those who voice their thoughts when others lack the courage, despite these consequences.

Speaking out against popular opinion is extremely difficult in modern society, especially in politics. Yet African American rights activist Martin Luther King Jr., a nationally proclaimed hero, was able to do so his entire life. His famous speech, "I Have a Dream," epitomizes the definition of bravery because it was an oratory act of public defiance. King never used a single act of physical violence in his campaign; in fact, his entire campaign shunned it. The reason why King remains iconic to this day is not that he was physically capable of fighting for his rights, but that he risked his life to speak out against America's political crimes.

King did not motivate himself on his own; on the other side of the world, his inspiration Mohandas Gandhi was speaking out against injustice in his own way. Gandhi, the man who fought unfair British control of Indian society, is also an example of true heroism. Yet comparing Gandhi to classical heroes such as Odysseus and Hercules, the discrepancy in attributed physical strength is enormous. Gandhi's heroism lay in his ability to protest peacefully, through words and nonviolence exclusively. When other citizens could not gather the mettle to speak up for themselves, Gandhi did so for them himself. Because he risked facing rejection from society as well as incarceration in order to stand up for his rights, Gandhi is a hero.

The definition of hero is still closely linked with those who rely on legendary physical strength to do good deeds. Perhaps this is a result of the myths and stories of the past, but in the present day, heroes are increasingly vocal in their actions. The challenge of standing for oneself and facing possible ostracism by others is harder to overcome than any physical obstacle, and for that reason, true heroes are those who are able to do so.

Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Are creativity and originality necessary for success? [3]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!

Prompt: Are originality and creativity necessary for success?

Everyone aims to be successful, whether it means amassing wealth or gaining widespread fame. What people often do not know are the elements of success. Although here are many circumstances at play, the two requirements in order to achieve success are originality and creativity.

In order to be successful, we must differentiate ourselves; originality and creativity allow us to do so. The iconic artist Pablo Picasso, pioneer in abstract art and co-founder of cubism, exemplifies these two characteristics. Any Picasso work is recognizable with minimal artistic background. Yet Picasso did not inherit his distinctive style at birth; in fact, many of his earlier pieces could easily be mistaken for a more traditionalist piece. What led to his fame were not the detailed, life-like portraits he began with, but the original, wilder art he later invented. Through creating his own original style, Picasso has distinguished his career and achieved artistic accolade even after his death.

Originality and creativity also foster innovation, an important catalyst of success. Innovation allows advancement, and in order to be successful we must advance beyond what we have. This is most commonly seen in the field of technology. Twenty years ago, the world of digital computing was revolutionized by a college dropout named Steve Jobs. Having attended a small institution and not completing school, few people could predict that Jobs would later own one of the biggest companies in the computing industry. What allowed him to create the popular Apple computer was not is technical skill, but his artistic creativity. Jobs took meticulous care in all the aesthetic details of his computer, making it a work of digital art in addition to a functional machine. By applying his creativity and originality to his prior knowledge, Jobs introduced personal technology to an era of modern design.

While having creativity and being original is no guarantee to a successful life, it is the keystone to developing one. In conjunction, these two traits foster individualism and revolutionary ideas, which are important towards achieving our goals. By pushing our creative boundaries and becoming what has not existed before, we align ourselves on the road to success.

Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Do people view things from the same perspective? [5]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!

Prompt: Do people view things from the same perspective?
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Perspective is a universal attribute in humans. Everyone views the world through a certain perspective of their own; that is why perspective is so important. In fact, perspective allows the formation of opinion, which brings diversity to interactions. In lifestyle and in culture, different people will always adopt different perspectives on the same topic.

Differing perspectives on life are especially pervasive in literature. The novel The Great Gatsby by lost generation writer F. Scott Fitzgerald documents two clashing perspectives on the American Dream through characters Jay Gatsby and Tom Buchanan. Gatsby, who built himself a lavish lifestyle our of nothing through hard work and some shady businesses represents the "new money" perspective, which views the American Dream as the ultimate goal at the end of a long, arduous journey. Buchanan, on the other hand, embodies the "old money" mindset, as he inherited most of his wealth and sees success more traditionally, and attainable only by those with an affluent, honest background. The juxtaposition of the two characters conveys two starkly contrasting perspectives on living during the post-World War II era.

Differing perspectives exist on a cultural level as well. The discrepancies between Western and Eastern views on fine arts demonstrates this. In Western tradition, art was founded heavily on depth and light, as these two elements were the most important requirements for creating a realistic yet emotional depiction. Conversely, Eastern art focused on shape and line, as it was believed that art was meant to be graphic and aesthetically sound, and the harmony of bold lines and interesting patterns accomplished this. Art is just one example of how culture harbors many varying perspectives.

Although some may agree that the majority of people see things in a similar light, each person's point of view has nuances that make his or her perspective unique. This is evident in literature, such as Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, as well as culture, particularly in art. Indeed, no matter what subject is being discussed, different people will form different perspectives about the same topic.

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Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Are people defined by their occupations? [2]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!

Prompt: Are people defined by their occupations?
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The term "occupation" often does more than describe a person's way of making money; it categorizes people into predetermined stigmas. Believing the stereotypes associated with certain jobs may lead to serious misjudgment of someone's true character. In both literature and the real world, the occupation someone has never fully captures the personality of that person, as it is nothing but a certain label worn at a certain time. Due to this shallow nature and possibly inopportune timing, occupation alone cannot clearly define a person's identity.

The discrepancies between an occupation and the actual person may be hidden by the nature of the occupation. In Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, a priest named Arthur Dimmesdale is the most revered figure in his town. However, Dimmesdale also harbors a huge sin, one that eats him out alive. This sin of adultery is kept secret to the entire town up until his death, and it is because he is the town priest that no one ever suspects him. The contrast between Dimmesdale's sacrosanct occupation and troubled personal life reveal how shallow of a description an occupation provides of a person.

Additionally, occupations come and go; they cannot accurately describe a person as they are subject to the parameters of time. J.K. Rowling, now famous for creating the Harry Potter franchise, worked as a waitress before becoming a famous writer. She was even unemployed for a period of time. Had she been defined solely by her occupation during those jobs, no one would even consider that her mind held the potential and creativity it did. Her first occupations were the result of lack of opportunity at a bad time, and because of that, they did not merit her true character at all.

While certain people do associate closely to their vocations, a personality can never be captured completely by a single title. Occupations are not deep enough to describe a human being, and they are not subject to the same circumstances that personalities are subject to either. This is evident in literature, such as The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne; and real life people as well. Despite being a way of life, an occupation neither accurately nor completely defines an individual.

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Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: good decisions vs. bad decisions [2]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!

Prompt: Are good decisions and bad decisions equally likely to have negative consequences?
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There is a definitive line between a bad choice and a good choice. Society may sometimes blur this line in an effort to sway the individual towards a certain side, but at the very heart of a situation, one decision will always have lesser negative repercussions than the other. In other words, one decision is clearly the good one, while the other the more disastrous one. Bad decisions entail greater negative consequences because they lack the consideration and patience that good decisions have.

Consideration encompasses careful thinking about all the upshots of an action; a bad decision does not take them into account. Lack of thorough thought leads to unforeseen catastrophe. A significant incident that shows this is the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Despite ending the war, the two blasts killed millions of innocent civilians and damaged the land for years to come. Had the US considered other options, such as forewarning the Japanese of the weapon's strength or even providing a physical demonstration of the bomb's power, the war could have ended with far fewer casualties. Without consideration of all possible outcomes, our decisions create more risks and danger.

In addition to careful planning, bad decisions are often made in a haste. When decisions are rushed, they may overlook problems or details that can grow bigger in the future. In J.D. Salinger's A Catcher in the Rye, protagonist Holden Caulfield runs out of boarding school on a limb, thinking he can make it by on his own in the real world. Yet the familiarity of a rushed teenage mindset soon actches up to him, and he finds himself low on money, provisions, and completely opposite of free. Instead, his premature decision leads him back to his parents' apartment, with nothing accomplished at all. Holden's decision was a bad one because he jumped straight into his plan without giving it a second though, and his problems eventually accumulated into one irrevocable mess.

Though it is impossible to ascertain the consequences of any decision, the chances of a negative outcome are not simply random. Whether the decision affects entire countries in a war, or the life of a single troubled teenager, certain actions always reduce the risk associated with bad choices. Without careful thought and patience, a decision can easily turn bad, and produce many of the negative consequences that a decision made with consideration and patience avoids.

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Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Should we trust and accept common sense, or be skeptical of it? [3]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!

Prompt: Should we trust and accept common sense, or be skeptical of it?
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Common sense is a universal concept; it transcends language but speaks to every person without discrimination. Just like a shared conscience, common sense is the basis of all morals and values. Throughout history and literature, the belief in common sense has been shown to be favorable, no matter the circumstances. In order to progress, we must accept and trust our common senses.

Many times in history, ignorance of common sense has resulted in stagnant development. In colonial America, the settlers recognized that their basic rights and liberties were being uprooted by the British Parliament, which freely taxed and oppressed the colonists. It was not until the American society heeded the common sense of natural rights that they were able to muster the courage to revolt. Thomas Paine even titled his watershed pamphlet decrying the oppression of colonists by England "Common Sense," as it was exactly that which the American colonists needed. Through trusting their basic senses, the American people were able to progress from binding relations with England to national independence.

Literature has expressed the necessity of common sense as well, particularly in coming-of-age experiences. J.D. Salinger's A Catcher in the Rye exemplifies this. Holden Caulfield, a troubled teenager, repeatedly ignores the common sense advice his peers give him. Whether being pleads from his parents to behave more typically and respectably in public, or requests from his professors for him to remain in school, Caulfield ignores it all. It is this renouncement of common sense that leads Caulfield to stay completely put in his life, never maturing in his actions or decisions. By rejecting common sense, he prevented himself from progressing as a person, and eventually wound up in a mental hospital.

Although the consequences of ignoring common sense may not always be as drastic as a war or hospitalization, rejecting it can bring about a multitude of hindrances to our lives. Lack of attention to common sense inhibits our sense of basic values and prevents personal growth, as demonstrated by history and literature. In order to avoid this pitfall and advance further, common sense must be a keystone of our lifestyles.

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Writing Feedback / Discovering oneself does not happen in a day; in fact, for many finding themselves takes a lifetime [3]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!

Prompt: Do people learn who they are only when they are forced into action?
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Discovering oneself does not happen in a day; in fact, for many finding themselves takes a lifetime. However, this does not mean we are not constantly involved in the act of self-discovery. Self-discovery requires certain circumstances, emotions and timing in order to occur. It is not possible to delve within ourselves by merely sitting in a chair and partaking in a halfhearted self reflection. We can only truly learn our strengths and weaknesses when we are unexpectedly forced into action.

Oftentimes a situation of danger and peril brings out our greatest traits. The passengers of the third flight part of the 9/11 terror attacks experienced exactly this. As soon as they learned their trip had been used to carry out a suicide mission attacking the Pentagon, several passengers began to revolt. Under normal circumstances, such an act of courage would not even come to mind; there would be too much hesitation and thought involved. But when forced into action, the passengers discovered their hidden bravery, thus realizing a part of themselves.

The discovery of our flaws is extremely prevalent when we are forced to face our fears. In Nathaniel Hawthorne's A Scarlet Letter, the town pastor, Arthur Dimmesdale, commits the sin of adultery. Throughout the book, he is forced to come into contact with its consequences; he meets his lover, Hester, daily; he touches his daughter, Pearl; and he lives under the overbearing presence of his suspicious physician, Chillingworth. Each time this occurs, Dimmesdale chooses to avoid confronting his sin, revealing his true cowardice and weak nature. When forced to make the decision between accepting his fault and coming to terms with it, or instead fleeing far away from it, Dimmesdale chose the latter. In choosing to do so, he showed his true weaknesses.

Although some argue that self-discovery is a passive, accumulating process, that description is incomplete at best. Without being forced into active situations, we have no opportunity to put our true personalities into action. As soon as we encounter a sudden experience, however, we strip away al other variables affecting our decisions, thus openly revealing our true selves. Clearly, it is only when we are forced into action that we discover our real strengths and weaknesses.

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Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Every day we live under some circumstances of choice - we rely on our own decisions [3]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!

Prompt: Are people's lives the result of the choices they make?
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Every day we live we are put under the circumstance of choice. Whether as simple as deciding between pasta and deli for lunch or choosing between two prospective employees to hire, choices are the inevitable forks in the road of life. Before choices are made, there exist millions of possibilities of how our lives could end up; but by deliberately choosing our paths at each decision we must make, we turn exactly one of those possibilities into reality. Evident in both fictional and actual lives, our choices ultimately create the lives we have.

The choices we make mold our lives by giving us the chance to seize opportunities and turn bad situations into good ones. Such is the case of Frida Kahlo, a famous Hispanic painter plagued by tragedy throughout her entire life. Struck with polio as a young girl and then bedridden for several years following a catastrophic bus accident, Kahlo was crippled physically. Yet during her recovery, she made the decision to draw every day, as a part of her recuperation. Her decision reflected her strength and perseverance, which ultimately poured through in her paintings. As a result of her choice to seek out her passion despite being under the worst conditions, Kahlo became an internationally recognized artist, proving that our lives are mutable through our choices.

Our decisions can not only bring us higher, but may also result in our downfall. In Nathaniel Hawthorne's A Scarlet Letter, reverend Arthur Dimmesdale makes a choice that renders him one of the lowest sinners in his Puritan town. Repeatedly afterwards, he is given the opportunity to make peace with and accept his sin, or to hide from it. Each time his cowardice overwhelms him and he chooses to push away his grievance and suppress it. It is those decisions that gradually allow his secret to eat him out alive, and as a result, his life becomes consumed by it. Through poor decisions, Dimmesdale's choices resulted in his death.

While some may argue that our lives are not solely determined by our choices, choices are the majority, if not all, that directs how we live. Any action or event, when viewed from a certain angle, can be considered a choice. Consequently, choices will either open doors to a brighter lifestyle or drag us down into a darker world. As demonstrated by the exceptional life of Frida Kahlo and The Scarlet Letter's pitiful Arthur Dimmesdale, our lives are clearly the result of our choices.

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Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Do closed doors make us creative? [2]

It would be great if I could get some feedback on this essay in the context of the old SAT test. I really want to improve on creating relevance to my thesis within my body paragraphs, and linking support back to my main idea. I also want to know how to make my conclusion and intro stronger, and possibly what score range this essay would be in (1-12). Thank you!

Prompt: Do closed doors make us creative?
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The quality that often distinguishes extraordinary people from ordinary people is creativity. While many confront challenges in everyday life that require truly innovative thinking to get past, the vast majority of us go through every day in a routine, insipid manner. It is no surprise that this type of lifestyle is not conducive towards creative thinking; in order to push our minds towards true creativity, we must face obstacles that prevent conventional thinking.

The poster child of creativity is the artist. One of the most famous artists of the contemporary era is Frida Kahlo, a female Hispanic painter. Known for her emotional portraits, Kahlo achieved great heights in the industry of fine arts. Yet behind each painting lies a tragic story from her catastrophic personal life. Polio, a severely debilitating bus accident, and a troubled marriage were only a few obstacles Kahlo had to face in her lifetime. However, these obstacles inspired an emotional creativity in her art that separated her from other artists of the time. Through challenge and hardship, Kahlo was able to build her effusive style.

Science is a crib for creative thinking as well. In particular, inventors, who create unique solutions to ordinary problems, exemplify the creative process. For example, Thomas Edison, father of the light bulb, was plagued by failure throughout his journey to the Edison bulb. Even after he completed his first model, the design was still flawed. However, each fault model forced Edison to think differently about how he was approaching his problem, and as a result, a successful light bulb prototype was eventually born. Had Edison not experienced the hardships he did, he would have never explored the designs that led to his final product.

Although creativity can theoretically evolve under any circumstances, obstacles are especially effective at kindling the creative flame. By meeting face to face with closed doors and brick walls in our paths to our goals, we are forced to exercise our creative sides in an effort to get eliminate these challenges. Just as how Frida Kahlo and Thomas Edison overcame their personal and scientific troubles through creativity, the common person is compelled to unique thinking when faced with his or her own struggles.

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