Writing Feedback / The common access to the new technology may favour the young people and give them more opportunities [4]

Hi everyone,

Greets from China. I will have TOEFL exam in Dec. However I'm poor in writing. I'd like to appreciate all your advice and help in advance for helping me revise my poor essay!

TOEFL ESSAY- Do you agree or Disagree that young people enjoy life more than older people.

With increasingly technologies appear and globalization, it seems that younger people may have more opportunities to get success and enjoy a good life. However, as to me, I think that older people may live happier than the young.

To begin with, the young face fierce competition than the old in their age.They often feel stressed. Nowadays, as a growing number of people getting the bachelor and master degree, high-level educated people are not rare. While the company seems more picky that they want to take the top talents among them. For example , many students who get a master degree abroad don't find a job either abroad or in the hometown. Few talents meet the standard of companies want.

Meanwhile, older people have more free time that they can do anything they want to do . Having a travel with lovers is the most popular way of older people living. It's time for them to travel around the world because children are mature enough to have their own life. My grandparents once traveled to the Europe to commemorate My mom's birthday party. When i look at the photos they have taken during their trip, smiling in their faces illustrates how happy they feel vividly.

In addition, the country are paying more attention to the old than any times. Increasingly Well- equipped nursing houses built to meet the old specific needs. There may have laundry, kitchen and bathroom on every floor. A well-arranged schedule is also welcomed among the old for the staff prepare various activities like watching a movie or morning exercise. The old who used to live alone can easily make friends. They also have a social profit such as discounts on public transportation.

In sum , we should attribute the old who enjoy a better life to his hard work when he was young. And we should also bear in mind that the virtue of working hard we persist will finally benefit us when we are old.

Writing Feedback / We may fail to find out that just a few people make new friends through internet [5]

TOEFL:It's more important to keep old friends than it is to make new friends.

With the rapid development of internet, we may fail to find that few people make new friends through internet. We can easily find someone share interests in common from facebook or twitter. Therefore, many people may have parties offline meeting with new friends when it comes to some ceremonies instead of chatting with their old friends. Take many factors into consideration, however, I believe the significance of making new friends is equal to that of keeping old friends.

To begin with, making new friends offers increasing opportunities to learn other opinions, that is, new friends often bring some new ideas to our limited knowledge. For instance, during my internship in Sweden, I always chat with my neighbor, a Turkish girl, about the future plan of my life. She inspired me to pursuit my dream bravely no matter what my parents considers, braking my knowledge confined to follow my parent's instructions. Thus, I decided to study abroad to realize my dream. The instance shows that we can change our mind and have a influence on our decision.

Meanwhile, keeping old friends in touch is also important to us for new friends may not quite understand us as they do. They have the abilities to know what they can do a favor when we are in difficult situation due to the long-term friendship. When I am frustrated by the failure, I always come to my old friends to find some advice. They often analyze carefully about my situation, offer me their suggestions and comfort me with funny crosswalks. It's sincerely old friends that we can trust and regard them as our family members indeed.

All in all, I'm convinced that there is no need to compare the importance of old friends and new friends since they help us from their analyses. Without their thoughtful help, we will not make a progress and seek our weakness. Therefore, I would like to say, cherishing friends and enjoying every moments with them should be beard in our mind.

Thanks in advance for your kind advice on whether grammar or structure!

Writing Feedback / Children being addicted to these high-tech entertainments are often failing in exams. Education [2]

Thanks a lot for your kind remark or comments on my essays' structure and grammar.

Subject: Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phone, online games, and social networking web site.

It is without doubt that nowadays children have more access to get the cutting-edge entertainment equipment like cell phone ,online games to enrich their lives.We may fail to find that someone hasn't a Facebook account in the society, especially the children. Some may argue that children may distribute their concentration on study because of wasting lots of time on such things. While, i disagree with this opinion with the following reasons.

To start with , these high-tech equipment offer more learning resources to children than past. In the past,the only learning resources children can get access to is paperback resources,like books and newspapers, which has a great limit of learning ways.However, it is the social networking web sites that let children to choose various learning resource like videos around the world,not restricted to simple words.For instance, i can search for a book on the Facebook ,have a scan on friends rates and watch a introduction video of the book, providing me a various way of learning.

Whats more,children can form different skills from these high-tech entertainments. There may exist important social skills which they will not learn from normal study.Take online games for example.Many online games need a group members to complete difficult missions. So children need to find mates who are willing to fight with them and express their ideas on time .Meanwhile ,it's essential for them to beat the monster by coordinating their minds with their fingers. So in such process,children may improve their communication skill and physical coordination.

Admittedly, it seems that increasingly parents complain on their children being addicted to these high-tech entertainments and failing in exams. They blame on the development of technology.In contrast, it is not the high-tech entertainments' fault but their children's insufficient self-control consciousness that cause the problem. We can easily find that many children were obsessed with attractive TV series or functional novels in the past. The key factor that how children arrange their time on study and break determine whether they will spend much time on entertainment equipment.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY: New devices vs well-adopted devices - which do you prefer? [10]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some prefer buy new technological devices; others having them when they are well-adopted. wWhich do you prefer?

We may encounter many new high-tech devices every year thanks to the rapid development of modern society. Certainly, these high-tech devices bring astonishing influence in our life and obvious difference in our mind. Some prefer to hold the new high-tech immediately, however, others are more prone to have them when they are well-developed. Personally, i agree with the latter group as the well-adopted technological with ripe development may benefit our life more than when it first face to.

To start with, well-adopted high-tech devices are developed and be fixed many bugs over spans of time than they first appear. Many users' useful advices help engineers to improve the usage of them, making them being more convenient for customers. For instance, when ipone first came out, it hasn't the function of Siri, one of the most significiant inovations in 21st century. While, nowadays, we can easily find that people use Siri to make a phone call or search on the internet. Thus, due to the well-adopted technology, we share the magic of hi-technology.

In addition, well-adopted technological devices are more popular among the range of the old to the young, letting us enjoy the convenience of the hi-technology. In the past, only a few people own computers and knew how to use them. It was difficult for teenagers to write a eamil to our friends because of lack of them. In contrast, nowadays, even my old grandmother can use computer to write a email to me. I'm surprised and grateful that the well-adopted technological equipment strengthens our relationship and benefits our life.

Admittedly, the new technological devices will be more accepted by the young for its fresh innovation. In fact, the price of them are too luxury for most white-collars and students to afford. For instance, the price of digital camera was beyond ten thousand yuan in my hometown when it fist came out. The price of them now, while, drops to two to three thousand yuan or even lower. The decrease of the price promotes that the acceptation of the new high-tech equipment. The fact that many tourists visiting Shanghai take a lot of pictures and show to their friends stronly approves it.

To sum up, it is the new technological devices that enrich our lives, whether they are fresh or well-adopted. The most important thing for us is that we should make full use of these equipment and raise our efficiency of our study and work.

Many thanks for your kind advice on contents or grammar in advance!

Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY: professional athletes or performers shouldn't be involved in politics. [4]

Subject : Do you agree or disagree that: professional athletes or performers shouldn't be involved in politics.

Nowadays, it is not surprising to find that increasingly celebrities are involved in politics. They are former professional athletes or actors. After retirement, some of them may be elected as a governor in a state, or even the president like Reagan. This phenomenon certainly attracts people's attentions. As to me, I think that celebrities involved in politics has both advantage and disadvantage, depending on their contributions to the society.

For the good part, professional athletes and performers can use their popularity influences to improve the situation of their professional fields. That means, they can contribute to improving their career's living situations by using their influence. For instance, Den Yaping, one of the best table tennis players in the history, became a member of International Olympic Committee after her retirement. She worked in ethics and athletes commissions and continued to fight for athlete's rights in the world.

Meanwhile, despite their special statuses, they are normal human beings that can express their opinions and change their careers freely. Reagan, the president of United States, once was an actor in Hollywood. After being elected as the president, he revolutionized the American economic system through tax rate reduction, which were admired by people at that time and finally lead the economic growth. His success strongly proves that one with wise decisions can also succeed in politics no matter what he used to be.

As for the disadvantage, people may question about that their are lack of professional backgrond of politics, causing that they may fail to represent popular opinions. In other words, people once believe that they can speak out for them. However, these celebrities let them disappointed because of their superficial knowledge. A worker in Hollywood once complained that these celebrity politicians do not have a clear understanding of how they live, what they fear, and what they support.

To sum up, celebrities do have great influence in the society and some of them do a great contribution to the world. What is important that these celebrities must do fully preparation and have profound understanding about politics before they choose to become politicians. Otherwise, it will cause people's complaints and disappointment.

Well, I'm not satisfied with my essay this time because i think it's hard for me to develop this topic.I use Reagan and Deng Yaping as examples. But i don't know how to develop them well. I'd appreciate a lot if you give the advice on my essay,whether on the content or the grammar.

Writing Feedback / Parents must have strict rules to their children if they want their children to be successful [NEW]

TOEFL ESSAY : Parents must have strict rules to their children if they want their children to be successful in the future.

In the past, many parents believe that successful people should be formed with strict rules when he is young ,even with some physical punishments like strike. In contrary, this idea is put into doubt by the public nowadays. From my view, Only rarely can strict rules let children to get success in the future. Parents being too strict to their children may bring serious damage in children's life.

To begin with, strict rules set by parents worsens the relationship with their children, resulting negative impacts in their children's grow up. It's obvious that those whose parents are strict have an unhappy childhood compared to those whose parents are not strict. When they remind their childhood, they find that it was all filled with painful memories and their parents' angry faces. Besides, it may let children to lose the ability of imagination which is a key factor to get success,

Due to the fact that parents force children to act as their wishes.

Also, serve strict rules may do harm to children's mind, even resulting that they will be criminals in the future. That means, the harm caused by these strict rules may root violence in children's mind as their parents always punish them seriously for some little mistakes. As a result, they become ruthless and confined to their own opinions in the future, which is harmful to their personalities. Take a famous murder in my country for example--a student named Tom who received rigid rules from his father finally kill his roommates because of some conflicts. He stated that he was so angry because his roommates made him think of his tough father in the conflict.

Admittedly, strict rules may form student's personalities like diligence and politeness. We often find that the elites often receive strict teaching when they are young. But there are other factors like fesiblity and creativity brought by various activities. Supposed that strict parents reduce their children playing time, children will lose chances to form these abilities and enlarge their social networks. Coming into light of the social work, it is another key factor to get success, especially in the 21st century.

In sum, we can not deny the important role of strict rules playing in the growth of children. But too rigid rules do more harm to their personalities, which is more possible to cause their failure in the future.

Thanks for your kind advice of structure or grammers on my essay!

Writing Feedback / In order to complete goals quickly, a growing number of people are prone to make decisions at once. [2]

Toefl Essay: Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

Patience, one of Chinese qualities, seems to be forgotten in metropolitans because of fast-paced life style. In order to complete goals quickly, a growing number of people are prone to make decisions at once without being patient to take every risks into account, causing failure more easily. Thus, personally, patience is more significant than taking action immediately.

To begin with, patience offer us a chance to enables us to have a deeper consideration and act slowly and steadily. Supposed that a company wants to launch a campaign which will contribute to its sales. It is necessary for the leader to investigate the background, the risks and the potential customers. Certainly it takes quite long time but it is worthwhile,for patience with profound consideration is the preparation to business success. Likewise, when we make an important decision in our life like marriage, patience also gives us the moment to fully consider about our future plan and the potential risks.

Further, patience builds up our relationship between others. Patient people become welcome because they are willing to hearing others completely rather than interrupt others rudely at once. They know how to reply in a proper time, making the conversation comfortable. Besides, many misunderstandings are raised by impatience. When we are angry, we may fail to listen to others explanations. Once the misunderstanding roots in our minds, it will cause distrust, estrangement even betray, which certainly does harm to our friendships.

Admittedly, when facing urgent cases like earthquake, acting at once is important. Despite , I still insist the statement that patience is a good strategy. Taking actions immediately with rough concept will bring serious failure. Only keeping patience and analyze cases carefully can we success to handle the situation.

In sum, it is the patience that helps us to have a profound consideration and clear our minds. The most important thing is not how fast we handle the situation but how well we could deal with it, which should be kept in our minds.