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Posts by adip
Name: adi pranoto
Joined: Jun 3, 2016
Last Post: Aug 18, 2016
Threads: 12
Posts: 13  
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 25
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adip   
Jun 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Societies argue that the internet is a cutting-edge method to make their routines more comfortable [2]

question
Internet makes human life convenient do yo agree or disagree?

Society in the world argues that the internet is a cutting-edge method to make their routines more comfortable. Although, when the people were using the internet, in the other word, this is an awful habit for their life. Meanwhile, I believe that people who used that network system would acquire enjoyable moments.

Without a doubt that when the populace is using the internet more often than the other activities will gain adverse impact. This is because when the society spent plenty of their time to benefit that system, actually this will decrease their physical ability. Based on an article which I ever read, a research in India displayed when some youngsters have hobby used the internet frequently than practiced their body, approximately 50 percent of them cannot take a walk well. It this thus that using the internet more often will cost a horrible impact.

However, it is unavoidable that the internet is a pivotal object which they are using to finding and looking for convenient situations. This is because the internet almost becomes a device which provides some information to make leisure time more colourful. I personally experienced to spent my pastime on browsing unique items to be applied in my daily life,and some information what I have read from the internet help invent enjoyable moments.

In conclusion, even if using the internet frequently will gain horrible impact. I tendency to believe this will the greatest method to obtain beauty on leisure time. Where possible, conviction to apply that system in daily routines should think twice.
adip   
Jun 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The number of elderly people in several different states in the United Kingdom between 1985 and 2035 [3]

The chart below gives information about the UK's ageing population in 1985 and makes predictions for 2035.

The chart reveals the number of elderly people in several different states in the United Kingdom between 1985 and 2035. Overall, wales will be the highest country in percentage population. While, a small percentage will be seen in the remaining figure.

The information regarding percentage population between and Scotland 1985 was is different. Firstly England displayed 15 percent population ages above 65 years, and Scotland shows 13 percent. However, in 2035 both of them reveal rise significantly. Actually, England will increase 7%, at the same time, Scotland obtains an upward approximately 12% society ages 65 surviving.

Without a doubt that, in 1985 three countries such as, Wales which got 16%, Nothern island had 3% below Wales, on the other hand, the United Kingdom obtains 2% percent under Wales. However, in 2035, all of the countries will have a considerable rise. Overall, both of Wales and Nothern island will upward 10%, and United Kindom, in other words, obtain 9% in this case.
adip   
Jul 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 : People in poorer countries are buying cars. What are the problems? Any solutions? [3]

Hi grintdevereaux30, I have some suggestions, and please correct me when I make some mistakes.

this is your introduction

In many ... The vital problem as it possibly makes a crowded city. It is suggested that the feasible sollution (spelling issue) solutions is to add more public ...

This is mine. I have another introduction

Such developing state population number fascinates to buy a motorcar. A crowded city is a possible crucial problem which will be appearing. This is akcnowledged that the beneficial solutions are adding more public transportation and applying for the car sharing program.
adip   
Jul 30, 2016
Writing Feedback / The public transportation overflow in modern countries is causing number of negative effects [3]

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause ? What do you think are possible solutions?

the number of people which buy cars in some developing states has small gains for the first period. This is believed that such cases will be appearing an effect in the percentage of public transportation's consumer since they will fascinate to utilize theirs than those. In addition, the quality of air will disappear since their automobile pollutes it.

The percentage of public transportation's consumer is halving in the whole world, as some citizens are being fascinated to utilize car ownership than take advantage of pubic transportation. A 2012 recent university of Indonesia study reveals that approximately 35% of Jakarta's public transportation is being useless, as Jakarta's people do not interest to go with it, and therefore this results in some public vehicles will be not operated by the government.

A long-term issue to this prediction is dramatic wipe out of the quality air for the most part in the modern town of the quantity of carbon dioxide will increase gradually which is produced by a waste of motorcars. By the 2014 recent university of Utah discloses that 87% the amount of fresh water are being experienced decreasing slightly in two previous years. In a fact that this results in people which suffer lung disease will be adding.

To sum up, much public transportation in modern countries are now obtaining possible negative effect due to the fact that the quality of humans satisfaction is being vulnerable. Therefore, to solve this the ministry should establish more cutting-edge technology, and duration of waiting period should be faster.
adip   
Jul 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS: TASK 1 ACADEMIC MODULE DEGREES GRANTED IN DIFFERENT FIELDS AT THE NATIONAL UNIVERSITY [5]

The charts below show degrees granted in different fields at the National University in the years 1990, 2000 and 2010.

it is yours

The given pie charts depict data ...

Hi daniel, I would like to say you don't need to give elaboration of the data in introduction and overview. This is my intro and overview. However, correcting me when I'm wrong

The comparison of degrees granted percentage in 4 different venues(Law, Medicine, business and computer science) at the National University between 1990 and 2010 is disclosed in the pie charts. At the first sight that the computer science obtains the numerous proportion of students than the others. whereas the other majors fluctuated in a 3-different year.

adip   
Aug 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / Students to attend schools to learn or not? [5]

Some people believe that teaching children at home is the for a child's development, while other think that is important for children to go to school.

Discuss the advantages of both methods


Some make an assumption that teaching children at home is one of the modern methods for a child's development since parents have to keep children under surveillance, whereas the other peoples argue that it is crucial for the young individual to go to school,as in there they will be able to upgrade confident.

Homeschooling is a great way for increasing development of the child, due to the fact that they daily life of children should be under superintendence by their parents. By 2012 recent Oxford university study reveals that approximately 50% Malaysian's child which study at home is being smart and discipline, since they have to study at home most of the day and more private, and therefore this results in children obtaining good academics performance especially in some lessons. This, on the other hand, is a negative effect for them such as dwindling quality of child's social life skills, due to the fact that they have no plenty of time to build new acquaintance.

That being said, attending to school is a must aspect fo the most children, as this will afford to build more confidence of kids when they confront with others. A 2013 recent university of Utah research disclose that 85% of indonesian's young population which determine to study at home is being socialized. In fact that they utilize the time of them interacting each other in the school field. This results in many peers being recquired and make easier to speak in public. However, this will brings the number of juvenile violence, because they cannot filter which is good or bad friend

In conclussion, the best study field between home and school is of beneficial and drawback. In fact that both of them wll build child's development.
adip   
Aug 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Pandas Get to Know Their Wild Side [8]

Hallo I will give you some alternative ways for you
Please make the great decission what kinds of article you want to read eventually determine to write some summaries. Utilizing uncommon vocabularies is the best one if you want to write fascinating essay, such as we are able to change government with minister or administer which is urpossed to difffer repeatitive. All in all grammar or stucture is the pivotal aspect, and you should under surveillance it first
adip   
Aug 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / I need comments for my IELTS Task 1 about Burnaby Public Library (my first writing) [4]

Initially, You do not need to write the elaboration in the introduction. This is my introduction

The comparison of the book which is read by male and others gender numbers from 2011 onwards is illustrated in the graph. As seen, male readers have a significant trend start from the second year. Meanwhile, female reader showed a dramatic decline before the last period.

I hope this assists yo and forgive me when I write some mistakes.
adip   
Aug 10, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary article: Anxiety on China [3]

Initially, China has the good news. Even though such an economical condition experienced increase has slowed slightly. The official forecast is predicting of a very small number growth is incontrovertible inflated for Political reasons, yet responsible ground level- data is the leadership confidence that the economy is brawny enough to defy needed reforms which will be hurting growth in the short duration. Anticorruption lead to provoking an open against among the country's elite. Although several officials have been left from such a prison and some China's most powefull have been arested in the net said president Xi Jingping

However, Chian persist about anxieties for plenty of time. The great number of Xi's rebuild some plans which purpose for not being carried out, and has awarned party officials whom they are not bring the country's economical challenges considerably serious sifficient due to the fact that some leaderships blame to broaden the center of civilization.

This appears in the July 25, 2016 issue of TIME.
adip   
Aug 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / Government spending on the internet - is it the most appropriate use of money? IELTS task 2 [7]

All around the world, extraordinary sums of money ...

Hello this is my introduction

Such some regions in the whole world the ministers are spending plenty of money which proposed for increasing and being easier about the internet access. Due to the fact that they have ambition will accrue on the quality of population proportion in short-term. I am more likely to compensate money in different aspect such as focusing on citizen health percentage as it also brings several benefits for the administer.
adip   
Aug 11, 2016
Writing Feedback / summary TED's video: 6 talks that are music to my ears [4]

Rachel Armstrong argues that architecture that repair itself. Some of the building has the unique item before it was build. such as the blueprints, the workers and so on. Sometimes the building transform from small until big architecture. This sustainable, but in this century it can set with chemical reaction, and this is the way in wich living materials. She prefers to use metabolic materials for the practice of architecture and has a dream to collaborating her design with international scientists, due to the reason that It could move around the environment. She had made the research about some material, in a long time ago, until she found the unique material that called bottom-up material. In addition, if some people look even closer, the material could show the limestone, the little shells and little skeletons that are piled

upon each other. She makes the conclusion that the architects are never happy with just one block of an interesting material.

Source : ted.com/playlists/57/bj%C3%B6rk_6_talks_that_are_music?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=tedspread
adip   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 (Practice) Results number of vistors to Ashdown Museum [7]

this is my body paragraph

Such period of refurbishment, the dissatisfied proportion account for two-fifths of all the Ashdown museum visitor numbers, and even though it was becoming much more popular than others, in the different time witnessed a significant decline of less than a fifth. The people who visited the museum which felt complacent saw increase dramatically and peaked at more than a third than the previous chapter approximately 15%. Whereas, apparently same with the leader very dissatisfied representing a gradual decrease at a very samall number in the year after reconstruction.

adip   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / summary TED's video: advice for new grads on living a succsessful life [3]

Angela lee Duckworth wants to explain the power of passion and persistence. It begins, when she determined to resign from her occupation which as the professional teacher in the New York City, in her daily routines she usually teachs like the others in the same profession. When the work came back, she calculated grades. She makes an assumption that the grat number of people have such akin about IQ quantity. After several years she was teaching, she obtains the conclusion that what the students require in education. It is a much better grasping and studying. She started to assist kids and adults practicing some lessons. it arrives to accompany with private companies, asking some sales men or women, why they keep their career. Some of them have different response and answer about the reason of it. She talks about grit. It is passion and perseverance for very long-term aims, and is having plenty of stamina. Grit is sticking with the people's future. In addition Grit is living life like a marathon, howerer do not apparently with sprint. She started research in some school to prove her arguements whit surrond on her. In fact, besed on her data that grit is usually unrelated and as special items for whole people.

source
ted.com/playlists/158/graduation_now_what?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=tedspread
adip   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / HOW I TEACH KIDS TO LOVE SCIENCE [3]

... imaginations wrong and wild because children has unlimittedhave unlimited ideas.
Whereas, his job areis to collect, combine and make ...
Then he let students to participateparticipated in an experiment All the invention ...
Children think of that problem, imagine, ...
... to be his classroom because he wants to provide a larger place for ...

... young generations who cares about environmental problems and to preserve their ...

this is my alternative
I am being confused with your grammar aspect especially in tenses. which one you considerably fascinate to utilize as I found some verb that leads me to other views. such as

probably you should write made(make); participated; were(are); thought(think); and were able to play and study(can)

adip   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / The percentage of Scotland's demographic progression from 1940 to 2020 is presented in the graph [3]

hello this is my suggestion.

... is estimated to hit the lowest point in around 2005, there will be predicted to increase graduallyat the end ofthe period.

In 1940, the proportion of birth rate stood at a very small number .
...of 2% in half decade later.

.... rate were below 2.0 percent in the beginning years, approximately 1.5% and virtually 1% respectively. The population growth reached a high proportion accounting for 1.5 percent between 1950 early years of the period. However, it will rise gradually during the end of the period.
adip   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / Polio back in Nigeria two years after being wiped out in Africa [4]

Nigeria has faced polio since a long time. In 2012, the country was accounting for

had overcome the problem for two years lately. It can be seen by only 21 wild polio cases had been

....However, the overriding priority has been given to the whole children around the affected area

you should put punctuation after However,
adip   
Aug 12, 2016
Writing Feedback / The line figure presents three kinds of demographic trends in Scotland from 1940 onwards [2]

The line figure illustrates three kinds of demographic trends (birth rate,population growth rate and death rate) in Scotland over 80 years from 1940 to 2020.

The breakdown of the three kinds of demographic trends proportion in Scotland from 1940 onwards is illustrated in the line graph.overall it is immediately apparent from the figure that in the accomplishment period one of them will be predicted increase gradually. Whilst, the others will be experienced decline steadily.

To begin, there was dramatic plunged on the cadaver rate percentages, representing a very small number between 1950 and 1958. Afterwards, during the period 1960 to 1978 experienced remained constant approximately 0.5%. in addition, the death rate declines gradually from 1980 to 1990 virtually at 0.4%. there will be predicted a steady increase and reached a high of 1% in 2020

In 1940, birth rate stood at a very small number and also became the leading position than the others. However, a gradual decrease was seen by birth percentage, accounting for 2 percent. 1970 also witnessed decline steadily in the birth rate, while at the same time population growth rate also experienced the same trend but still in the bellow than birth proportion and hit a low of 0% or will be wiped out. There, on the other hand, will be envisaged in birth rate peaked at 0.5% in 2020.

give me your comments, please



  • hhh.png
adip   
Aug 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Gaining any jobs are pivotal aspect due the fact that people need money for living [2]

Some people believe that unemployed people should be made to work for their welfare/benefit payments. Others, however, see this as cheap labour.
Discuss the possible advantages and disadvantages of making unemployed people take any job.
Do you believe that making unemployed people work is a good idea?


Answer:

Some citizens make an assumption that the people which do not have an occupation should be made to work for obtaining some benefits as if they apply for a job it will decreasing te poverty numbers since they found an appropriate job which provided by the government. However, the people health percentage also show a dramatic decrease because they should work the most of their time and forget to take a rest.

Such a massive transformation about people being more industrious and obtaining some abilities with their job. Due to the fact that they insist themselves for working much more a long time in work venue. In the 2014 recent University of Indonesia disclosed that 50% of Jakarta population which does not have labour have being occupant which has the ambition to broaden their horizon and therefore some of them become richer than others and also more diligent for collecting fund.

Apart from the previous discussion, it also brings drawback for several societies, such as the quality of people's health percentages will be predicted decrease dramatically as they ignore to take a rest for rejuvenating their body and mind. In 2015 the novel Oxford University research revealed that 35% of Britain population have become much more vulnerable to prevent the virus as they forgot to keep their health and therefore some of them will become poor as they should spend the great number of money to hospitalize more often than others.

In conclusion, I am more likely to believe that gaining any jobs are pivotal aspect due the fact that the people need money to continue their entire life. However, it also brings advantage and disadvantage and thinking twice before do your decision.

the data in my essay is fake, I am sorry before
adip   
Aug 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / Living in a small community allows to build a common bond and safe neighbourhood [4]

I am sorry to say you should under surveillance your spelling and the article after OF and please be careful with singular plural
(grammar problem), and it's better when you write in the bygone era than in the past ,in addition than second and also in conclusion, than to sum up,

In past, most people lived in the different situation ...
...to live in those circums tances.

...Second, living in small villages is saf er than in cities
Hence, there should be happ enend an increasing of the crime rate .
...First, it is time- consuming...
therefore, it can be offend their own bussiness . Second , people may have limited access

...for a better society and saver environ mental security.
In the opposite, people in a smaller areas have
and limiting of the more (unclear superlative) extended connection.
adip   
Aug 14, 2016
Writing Feedback / The privately owned houses overtook leading position in the British housing market. [2]

The pie charts below show the percentage of housing owned and rented in the UK in 1985 and 2005. Summarize the information by describing the main features of the charts and making comparisons where appropriate.

The comparison of the housing owned proportions in the UK between 195 and 2005 is illustrated in the pie charts. It is immediately apparent from the figures that privately owned overtook leading position than others. Whereas, one of them experienced a dramatic decline.

In 1985, privately owned showed the domination percentage than other and stood at approximately 60% and the second which obtain the numerous proportion is council rated, accounting for 45%. However, there was a significant decline in council rated of 15% in 2005. In addition, 2005 experienced a dramatic increase of privately owned and peaked at virtually 75%.

Less change was showed by privately rented and virtually no any changes in 2005 still in 15%. There, on the other hand, was a significant increase in social housing in 1985 at a very small number and...



  • 223029_1_o.jpg
adip   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / According to the graph, British people spent approximately 170.000 pounds on photographic film [3]

it is better when you write the introduction with the passive sentence

The horizontal bar chart describes how much money spent by four European countries on six different products

this is mine

The comparison of the amount of six consumer good numbers in a 4-defferent country organized by thousand pound sterling is envisaged in the figure.

Overallit is immediately apparent from the chart that , Britain spent significantly more money than three other countries on just make a variety of the vocabulary
adip   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / summary TED's video: find you find your purpose [3]

Army purdy said how to live beyond limits. She always has the same question. However, that changes her life immediately. When she was graduated from the high school. She fascinates to place where it snowed, and it the therapist. Until her life took a detour, she getting sick then she should hospitalize for several days in the hospital and the doctor diagnosed her with bacterial meningitis. She should wear pipes bolted together for the ankles and a yellow rubber foot with the raised rubber line from the toe to the ankle. She strapped on these chunky legs. She always asked herself, how is she ever going to travel around the world like her dream. She was absolutely physically and emotionally broken because she did not have to be five-foot-five anymore. The different time that is when a new chapter in her life began and this is when she learned that our borders. Fortunately, she always obtains support from her parent, and therefore they always force her to rely on her imagination.

ted.com/playlists/313/talks_to_help_you_find_your_pu?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=tedspread
adip   
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The chart below gives information about the UK's ageing population in 1985 and makes predictions [4]

you should under surveillance your grammar in writing such as

the missing article before the proper name (UK)
possibly the confused word (old-people)

this is my suggestion in the introduction, I usually paraphrase the question and transform into the passive sentence


The bar graph illustrates data on people 65 years ...
The chart below gives information about the UK's ageing population in 1985 and makes predictions for 2035.

the comparison of the folk aged 65+ percentages in the United Kingdom from 1985 onwards is illustrated in the figure.
adip   
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary TED's : art make unusual stuff [4]

Alexa Meade talks about your biological is her canvas , due to the fact that She forms an Acrylic painting of such a male,yet does not utilize canvas as media. She painted it immediately on top of the man when she wants to make a portrait, painting it on a real object, to make it apparent with a two-dimensional painting, and it is able to photograph it from any angle. Actually, the portrait does not need either people or paint until the light changed and all of sudden. However, this brought a difficult to keep on flickering before her eyes. She had turned her friends into painting and then cart them back to a painting. Sometimes, she hopes to bring folks down to her studio and show them that she spent his days in a basement, putting paint and toast. She has so much fun with this process, usually, she has the idea of creating a painting from some side because he could have a very specific image.

ted.com/playlists/327/art_made_of_unusual_stuff?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=tedspread
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