sillyman2000
Nov 25, 2018
Writing Feedback / Topic: People are walking less. What are causes and solutions? [4]
I can somehow see why you received a low score:
- You repeat the phrase "There are numerous reasons for this problem" in the opening and ending. And there are more, namely "feasible alternatives", and so on.
- I dont see you really explained your point, you just simply gave reasons. For example this: "In addition, in urban areas, lack of ..." (That's the end of your second paragraph? You didnt even bother explaining it). And "In addition, they can construct ..."(the same thing as well).
- Your reasons really make me confused when reading it. That entails lowering your C&C scoring component.
- "having a chinwag"? I think you completely misunderstood the meaning of this word. Maybe you were referring to a kind of transport, but the meaning is something different ( "Britain, informal An informal conversation, usually about everyday matters; a chat, a gossip.") See?
I am gonna give you an advice: Next time, rather than counting your reasons, focus on giving more details to clarify your points. In addition, properly explaining your details. You will avoid having a very low score.
I hope that helps. Be sure to check your mistakes.
I can somehow see why you received a low score:
- You repeat the phrase "There are numerous reasons for this problem" in the opening and ending. And there are more, namely "feasible alternatives", and so on.
- I dont see you really explained your point, you just simply gave reasons. For example this: "In addition, in urban areas, lack of ..." (That's the end of your second paragraph? You didnt even bother explaining it). And "In addition, they can construct ..."(the same thing as well).
- Your reasons really make me confused when reading it. That entails lowering your C&C scoring component.
- "having a chinwag"? I think you completely misunderstood the meaning of this word. Maybe you were referring to a kind of transport, but the meaning is something different ( "Britain, informal An informal conversation, usually about everyday matters; a chat, a gossip.") See?
I am gonna give you an advice: Next time, rather than counting your reasons, focus on giving more details to clarify your points. In addition, properly explaining your details. You will avoid having a very low score.
I hope that helps. Be sure to check your mistakes.