Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Winter
Name: Diepha
Joined: Jul 29, 2019
Last Post: Nov 10, 2019
Threads: 6
Posts: 12  
Likes: 4
From: Vietnam
School: High school

Displayed posts: 18
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Winter   
Nov 10, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2- E-BOOKS V.S PRINTED MEDIA ? WHAT IS YOUR OPINIONS ? [2]

grammatical error:

should be written: Despite Although some ... by generation, from my perspective...

in the second paragraph, you should make the topic idea more clearly at the first sentence: Despite some disadvantages of printed books such as........., the number of these books consumed is more than e-books.

overall i suggest that in body paragraph, you should develop ideas further.
Winter   
Nov 10, 2019
Writing Feedback / Parental pressure: parents put too much pressure on their children [2]

nowadays, parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed.


what is the reason for doing this? is this a negative or positive development?

Parents have undeniably a profound influence on children's development. However, in today's world, they are overwhelmed by parental pressure to become successful. The reasons for this problem are varied and the effects are strong.

To begin with, the parental over-expectation results from parents themselves. Since their desire to have successful children are highly demanding, parents tend to impose rules on the teenagers and expect them to follow these without exception. These authoritarian parents also put enormous pressure on their children to thrive in order to satisfy their demand. Additionally, the cause for parental demand can be attributed to the competition nowadays. As the top position in professions are few, it is substantially intense to compete with others to become leaders. As a result, children are often under parental pressure to have strength to pursue great achievements.

Although the aim for authoritarian parenting is for the sake of children's future, it seems to be counter-effective. Firstly, it can give rise to mental illness such as depression and aggression. Adolescents may rank lower in happiness, social competence and self-esteem when being stressed about parental over-estimation. Moreover, their creativity may be diminished. Because children have little to no involvement in problem-solving challenges, the lack of creativity and problem-solving skills is understandable. More importantly, parents' demand can result in the disobedience and defiance of the teenagers. When the situation is permanent, the relationship may be jeopardized.

In conclusion, forcing adolescents to become successful has numerous drawbacks. Thus, parents should respect children's hobbies to eradicate the problem.
Winter   
Aug 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / TASK: Some people think that one should retire at the age of 65. [3]

Overall I think the essay is quite short so you should have more details
In academic essay you should not use question
What do you mean 'a sophisticated society'? Instead a better society is more relevant
I think you should make good use of the first sentence in the conclusion more
Winter   
Aug 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / Both passion and colleague relationship might influence people's enjoyment of a job. [2]

Grammar error
Interested in
Feel the warmth
In a nutshell is a informal style you should use in conclusion to sum up instead

In the second question in the task it said that you should talk about the feature of expectation of job satisfaction in reality not the reasons for the dissatisfaction at work
Winter   
Aug 25, 2019
Writing Feedback / Some think that people need to have simpler lifestyles in order to solve the environmental problems. [5]

Technology and environmental problems



Development in technology has brought environmental problems. Some think that people need to have simpler lifestyles in order to solve the problems. Others,however, believe technology itself is the solution. Discuss both views and give opinions

Undoubtedly, technological advancement put the environment at risk. Some people suppose that tranquil lifestyle can alleviate the problem. However, others argue that the environmental issue can be tackled by technology itself. Both viewpoints have their own validity.

On the one hand, living under economical condition can be beneficial for several reasons. With the help of technology, excessive use of packaged food is prevalent which damages severely the natural habitats. For this reason, simple lifestyle seems to be a viable solution which reduce the over-consumption. Consequently, the rivers and roads are not heavily contaminated due to household waste. More importantly, this way of living can promote people's well-being, especially mental health. Adopting minimalism can refresh people's mind and release anxiety and depression. They are not overwhelmed by the variety of products on the internet which causes stresses and strains.

On the other hand, the fact that high-tech devices prove fruitful in preserving the environment may be true to some extent. Obviously, with the proliferation of mass media, the profound impacts of technological progress are undeniable. Therefore, it is a useful tool for people to raise awareness of environmental issue. The users have access to the update information to gain knowledge about severity and urgency of the problem. Moreover, celebrities can inspire people to take actions under their influences. Additionally, in the world of speed, people from all over the world can interact with others about the ecological balance to make the situation more commonplace. Eventually, people are affected tremendously by the power of media.

On balance, technology has its own merits and demerits. From my point of view, people should make good use of it and minimize the drawbacks of technology for the sake of the environment.
Winter   
Aug 10, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS2- problem/solution essay: Not enough students choose science subjects in universities [3]

In the introduction, you say that the effects is lack of employees but in the third paragraph, you say that not choosing science subjects can lead to lack of necessary skills in the future which is confusing

Therefore you should make the effects more clearer
In the last sentence of the second paragraph, I think you should emphasize unlike the jobs like economics are well paid to make the pay less of science jobs more stronger
Winter   
Aug 10, 2019
Writing Feedback / Books and experience are fundamental tools to gain knowledge [3]

Errors:
Knowledge gained from experience maybe deeper than knowledge
These build stronger felling
You should paraphrase the word knowledge and experience more effectively: experience- reality, knowledge-story...
If you choose the experience you should not write the benefits of books too long just summarize these
Overall the essay is clear
Winter   
Aug 10, 2019
Writing Feedback / Global climate change: individuals and government role [2]

who should take care of the environmental issue?



Some people think that there are things individuals can do to help prevent global climate change. Others believe that action by individuals is useless and irrelevant and it is only governments and large businesses which can make a difference. Discuss both views and give your opinion

One of the most urgent problems facing us these days is global climate change. Some people argue that individuals play a pivotal role in preserving the ecological system. Others claim that it is governments' responsibility not the people. Both viewpoints will be discussed and critically evaluated before a final conclusion is drawn.

On the one hand, there are plausible reasons why individuals' obligation is indispensable in preventing the global climate deterioration. Obviously, people are an integral part of the society so proactive actions taken by them can rectify moderately the situation. For this reason, if individuals do more environmentally friendly activities such as planting trees, using eco-friendly vehicles frequently... their concerted efforts will eventually contribute to a positive ultimate outcome. For instance, more and more people use biodegradable materials and buy products with less packaging can reduce markedly the amount of garbage which are heavily contaminated. What can be inferred from this is that if people hold their hands anc work together on the same common goal of environmental protection, natural catastrophe will no longer be in existence.

On the other hand, some people think that only the serious measures taken by authorities prove fruitful for the following reasons. To be more specific, governments influence people on a larger scale so they can adopt and enforce stricter laws and regulations against environmentally harmful activities. Moreover, because some solutions to conserve natural habitats are beyond individuals' ability, only policy makers can make the difference by making heavy investment in green technology or eco- friendly practices. Additionally, large organizations and businesses can develop ecological consciousness by educating people the global climate change which reshape people's thinking and mindset while individuals hardly do it.

Environmental issue poses threat to human life so in my opinion, everyone should be responsible for protecting the environment. Because small actions can lead to enormous results, people should not be indifferent the problem and take actions.
Winter   
Aug 7, 2019
Writing Feedback / People and technology - advantages disadvantages of internet [3]

In the introduction, merits and demerits has more rhythm
In the first paragraph, you should divide it into 2 paragraphs form on the one hand
In the last sentence in the second paragraph, I think it is too long
Despite that, the essay is well written
Winter   
Aug 7, 2019
Writing Feedback / Effects of detailed crime descriptions [2]

substantial coverage of crimes in media



Giving detailed descriptions of crimes on the press has bad influence, so information of this should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree with you this statement?

Undeniably, crime rate is on the increase. However, substantial coverage of crimes on the mass media has dire consequences to people's life. Therefore, I personally agree with it and people should minimize the underside effects.

Obviously, in-depth news reports about violent contents may potentially pollute children's mind. To be more specific, no matter what the news are, children tend to imitate the actions and behaviors shown on the press. They suppose that violence and death is a normal part in modern society. As a consequence, adolescents subconsciously behave aggressively and cruelly which may give rise to the upsurge of juvenile delinquency. For instance, it is reported that under the contents about brutal fightings, serial killers' influences, teenagers are more likely to have antisocial behavior or illegal activities than those who do not watch. Thus, censorship of this kind of information is necessary.

Another point to consider is the fact that detailed descriptions of crimes may lead to the loss of justice and security of everyone. In other words, news and documentaries illustrating criminal acts may generate fear and anxiety towards people as well as the reality of life. Watchers often mislead to the belief that they are living in a dangerous world. Hence, they develop a sense of insecurity and mistrust if they watch detailed account of crimes on a regular basic. Moreover, because images of this information shown on television are extremely obsessive and disturbing, people do not realize the positive side of life surrounding their environment.

To sum up, although some people argue that considerable coverage of crimes can be beneficial, the adverse impacts of it are undoubtedly inevitable. For this reason, government should censor the contents of mass media to maximize the advantages and lessen the disadvantages.
Winter   
Aug 3, 2019
Writing Feedback / Should education be free for all vietnamese children until they finish high school? [3]

Grammar errors: contribute to building
pay for teachers
enough money , should, vietnamese
In academic essay, quotes from famous people are rare so you should reduce these.
In the introduction I think the thesis statement is too specific
Instead you should write: I partly..... for several reasons and then explain it
Winter   
Aug 3, 2019
Writing Feedback / Range of subjects which system is appropriate [3]

Problems in the education system



In today's world, the issue of appropriately educational system is still under debate. In some countries, a comprehensive education is students' major in secondary school. However, in others, schools offer a certain range of subjects relevant to their professional pathways. Both systems have their own validity and from my perspective, they are dependent on people's choice and ability.

On the one hand, students who study comprehensively have wider opportunities in their career paths. To be more specific, well-rounded education equips with multiple skills and intelligences so that their problem-solving skill and critical thinking which are vital can be promoted tremendously. Therefore, these people can be eligible for various domains based on their theoretical background. For instance, those who learn a broad range of subjects can work in different fields such as writer, businessman..., rather than those who specialize in one domain.

Moreover, because the system is standardized, tests and other assessments are inherent to ensure equality and consistency. For this reason, people can indicate the proficiency and achievement of a student.

On the other hand, acquiring knowledge from certain range of subjects can be advantageous for the following reason. Obviously, skills from restricted subjects are the solid foundation of future studies. Thus, if students devote effort to concentrating on their major, they can enrich in-depth knowledge in their area of specialization. As a result, they are likely to reach expert-level performance, as well as get a promotion in that field of study. Additionally, students tend to boost their productivity and persistence when committing to learning their specialized subjects. These are strong motivation for children for the sake of profession

In conclusion educational system plays a pivotal role in modern society. Hence, people should consider the most suitable system and then make endeavors to succeed in that system.
Winter   
Jul 31, 2019
Writing Feedback / Cars and shopping advantages and disadvantages [2]

motorized people and shopping



In some countries, consumers are shopping at larger out-of-town stores instead of small stores. People without cars have limited access to out-of-town stores and this results in an increase in the use of cars. Do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages

In some countries, car use is gaining in popularity as a result of the proliferation of out-of-city shopping malls instead of local stores. In my opinion, the merits and demerits of this trend are generally equal.

On the upside, there are plausible reasons why the growing number of cars is beneficial. First and foremost, the development of car ownership meets people's requirement. In today's world, when shops located in the suburb become more prevalent, the demand for transportation is on the rise. For this reason, cars seem to be an appropriate choice for consumers because they offer flexibility and mobility. Therefore, people can save a great deal of time when shopping in these places. In addition, the increase in the use of cars can boost the car industry in many countries. Hence, there are higher opportunities for candidates to get a promotion in this industry.

On the downside, the rising rate of car use may cause inherent problems. To begin with, many people have limited access to cars because they are prohibitively expensive. Even if they can afford a car, they have to pay extra for other facilities such as petrol consumption and maintenance. Consequently, they are prone to be impoverished. More seriously, the widespread use of cars can exert destructive effect on the environment. To be more specific, car emissions and hard harmful chemicals produced by cars may lead to air pollution, which exacerbated the ecological system. Thus the environmental problems like global warming are at an alarming rate as well as human health.

To sum up, the increasing number of cars have both advantages and disadvantages. As a consequence, people should maximize the benefits and reduce the potential problems.
Winter   
Jul 30, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Governments should not waste money on space exploration [3]

Grammar: many corrupt schools
In the last sentence of the third paragraph, I am quite confused because more people watch about space exploration does not mean that the number of scientists increases

Because of that I suggest that you should write that people become more aware of the importance of space travel
Despite that the coherence is quite clear
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