RomanKoch
Sep 2, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2: The consumption of the world's resources ( oil, and water etc) [3]
@noilamsaohetday
Hi, your second paragraph is just a list of causes of overconsumption, and the last sentence gives the consequences. I think better way would be to choose two causes from your list and explain them in details. You can fit it in 5 or 6 sentences. Your last sentence about the consequences is not necessary in my opinion, as the task did not ask about this.
Similar problem is with the third paragraph, you list solutions without explaining how exactly they will help to solve the overconsumption problem.
@noilamsaohetday
Hi, your second paragraph is just a list of causes of overconsumption, and the last sentence gives the consequences. I think better way would be to choose two causes from your list and explain them in details. You can fit it in 5 or 6 sentences. Your last sentence about the consequences is not necessary in my opinion, as the task did not ask about this.
Similar problem is with the third paragraph, you list solutions without explaining how exactly they will help to solve the overconsumption problem.