Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: It is now becoming a trend that people prefer to meet virtually instead of physically [2]

IELTS Writing Task 2 - socialize online

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialize online rather than face to face. Is this a positive or negative development?

It is now becoming a trend that people prefer to meet virtually instead of physically. In my opinion, this will lead to a negative development which can cause to several negative impacts in the future.

The main reason people should not meet virtually is that they will lack of social activities that often seen beneficial for one's development. For instance, children at young age need to socialize in order to practice their emotional intelligence and also get to know about the real world. When children socialize virtually, they tend not to pay attention of what is happening and they also do not have ability to stay focus in front of a gadget for a long period of time.

Another reason is that socializing in person allows people to freely socialize and express their ideas or opinions out there. Furthermore, it is often perceived that face to face socialization helps people get rid of boredom and become happier as they will be laughing or joking during the socializing. Unlike online socializing, people can only exchange information but can not express feeling much which often make them feel isolated.

Besides, socializing online often leads people to confusion and misunderstanding. This is due to people have their own way of delivering and receiving information. Furthermore, the misunderstanding can also cause to manipulative information or hoax that will bring disadvantage to certain group of people.

To conclude, socializing online is not as positive as socializing face to face and result in several negative impact to the people. It is better for people to socialize in person instead.

Writing Feedback / IELTS 1: the amount of hours the teenagers in Chester spend in a week for doing activities 2002-2007 [3]

Hi Mrs Holt! Would you please give feedback for my writing? Thank you!

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - HOURS SPENT IN CHESTER

The bar chart illustrates the amount of hours the teenagers in Chester spend in a week for doing activities between 2002 and 2007.

Overall, the most popular activity among the teenagers was watching the TV. On the other hand, bowling accounted for the lowest amount of hours the teenagers spent. Furthermore, as shown on the figure, other activities were spent at the average.

In 2007, teenagers spent time going to pubs for over 15 hours as the highest. Among all activities, bowling was the least amount of hours spent which only reached slightly above 0 in 2007. Meanwhile, the amount of hours spent on shopping climbed steadily every year and reach its highest at 15 hours in 2007.

In terms of homework, the amount of hours spent dropped every year to its lowest of just over 5 hours in 2007. Similarly, as years went by the teenagers spent less amount hours on sports and the lowest amount was above 0 in 2007. The amount of hours teenagers watching DVDs increased to its peak at below 20 after which decreased to its lowest at 10 hours.

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Writing Feedback / Warwick Postgraduate Entry - Personal Statement [2]

Hi Mrs Holt. Would you please give feedback on my personal statement? I would really appreciate it. Thank you.

Personal Statement essay

Having a chance to study first degree was one of the things I'm grateful. I was taking X course and later on concentrated in International Trade. The moment I realized that I was extremely into this course was when my lecturer played Crash classes. Starting from that point, I was hunted of my curiosity and wanted to know more about International Trade up until now. A significant turning point was when I read the news that the officials in my hometown made a statement that they wanted to export our local finished foods directly from X Island. However, due to lack of proper knowledge and basic understanding about exporting, they are facing a problem. Thus, I wish I could get a deeper understanding by taking Msc in International Trade, Strategy, and Operations offered at Warwick Manufacturing Group.

A subject in university back then called X also interested me to learn more about International Trade. I have learnt vigorous things from this subject. One of them is what called as correspondence, the crucial concept in export-import. This concept made me familiar with exporting and importing. To enhance our understanding of the subject, my friends and I had a project where we developed our own business and want to export the product. I proposed to sell coffee as our product and we decided Finland as our country destination of exporting. Besides, I also did a marketing strategy using the four P's in which I explained more detail about the product, place, promotion, and price. I mentioned that our coffee was offered in a small sachet to ease bringing them anywhere such as during travel. The target market place is X where I mentioned that this kind of market was the easiest place customers can reach. I realized that technology played a big role nowadays and could reach wider audience so I decided to promote our business through online advertising. Since we wanted all customers at all level of income could enjoy our product, I decided to set the price of our coffee preferably cheap. Besides, we also constructed the promotion and inquiry letter, offer and order sheet, as well as sales contract. This project, not only has increased my understanding but also developed my teamwork, research and critical thinking skill in which I believe those skills are relevant and useful for ITSO master program.

My journey working as a procurement officer in X company has become a medium for me to apply what I've learnt during first degree. At this company I was responsible to procure small stones of diamonds from our suppliers abroad including Hong Kong, India and Singapore. We imported the materials to our country through a third-party transportation company called X. . Initially, the exporting companies send their offer sheets and I later on would send them back an order sheet alongside asking for the final prices. Besides, as an importer, I also contributed to do market research through internet website such as X. Despite the fact that the company I worked in is a local company from Indonesia, I perceived some international aspects on the way we imported materials and it made me interested to learn in deep about this especially on how to determine the correct delivery mechanism and transportation.

To develop my skill, I also constantly learn more about this course by joining X Community, an Indonesia community that primarily discuss about export and import. This ITSO master program is in line with my education background. This course is designed with the aim to prepare the students understand the practice of how international trade operates and I wish I could be well-prepared by studying this course.

My future goal is to be an export specialist and work in an international company as well with the hope to successfully cultivate my learning in the professional field. To help the socitey, I also like to involve in X Training Center where I could contribute as one of the trainers in there and teach small and medium businesses to expand their businesses to cross-border countries. I would like to share what I've learnt at WMG to them through seminars, workshops, or classes. I am intrigued to teach in least developed cities where the access to information about export-import is highly limited. Therefore, I believe that studying ITSO course at WMG woud hone my understanding and skills needed for my future career.

Writing Feedback / Money distribution from developed countries to those underdeveloped, does not stop poverty there [2]

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty.

Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 254 words.

It is often argued that money distribution from developed countries to underdeveloped countries does not get rid of poverty problem of the countries. Instead, they should offer other types of aid to those poor countries. I completely disagree with this opinion and think that financial aid can solve poverty.

Firstly, I believe that financial aid can contribute to the quality of human resources and these people can contribute to the country's development such as in economics or politics. Scholarship or grant is one of a financial aid form given by developed countries. For example, UK's Chevening scholarship has been granting a number of Indonesians to study in the UK and they have been prepared to make a change in Indonesia that can support to eliminate poverty. That's why I think financial aid is beneficial.

Secondly, money is substantially important in every aspect of our lives. We need money to buy consumption for survival. And people who commonly do not have money is those who are not able to work or get a job. By giving them money, they can use the money to help them open small businesses and buy daily needs. For instance, there are a lot of Indonesians who are in line of poverty due to extreme lack of money. Also, they are jobless and mostly can not enter work fields due to lack of knowledge needed.

To conclude, financial aid is one of effective ways to eliminate poverty because money can help people gain knowledge and buy necessity needs for survival.

Writing Feedback / The amount of people who took train at London Underground Station in a day for sixteen hours [4]

IELTS WRITING TASK 1 - UNDERGROUND STATION PASSENGER NUMBERS IN LONDON

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.

This graph illustrates the amount of people take train at London Underground Station in a day for sixteen hours (6 am - 10 pm).

Overall, people generally take train at the station starts from 6 am until 10 pm. The train has the most amount of passengers at 8 and 18 o'clock. The number of passengers reaches its lowest point at 6 am and 4 pm.

At 8 o'clock, the amount of passengers is exactly 400. Following to 18 o'clock, there is a slight decrease in the number of passengers which is just under 400. Meanwhile, in the afternoon at 12 am, 13 pm and 14 pm, the number of passengers does not change much and increases slightly (from above 250 people to 300 people)

At 6 am and 4 pm, people are less likely taking train to go to places. There are just 100 passengers at those two hours. After reaches its lowest point, the number of passengers gradually increases in the two hours (200 people and at/less than 400 people)

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Writing Feedback / The most wanted destinations for British travellers and their purposes of travelling abroad [2]

WRITING TASK 1 - VISIT ABROAD BY UK RESIDENTS

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below

You should write at least 150 words.

The first chart provides the information of the UK residents' purposes of visit in 5 years (1994-1998) while the second chart tells the audience their destinations during the same period.

Overall, the British visit abroad the most in 1998 which amounts 28,828 people. As seen on the second chart, Western Europe is the most wanted destination as opposed to North America as the least wanted.

As shown on the second chart, the number of people went to Western Europe in 1998 is the highest for just over 25,000 among other destinations. Furthermore, compared to other areas and Western Europe, the number of people traveled to North America is the lowest.

On the first chart, holiday is the purpose of visit for people traveled the most as opposed to other reasons (20,700 people in 1998 and 896 people in 1995, respectively). Business purpose holds the second rank in which people traveled the most for and the number increased every year. Following to that, the purpose of visits to friends and relative is placed in the third and other reasons in the forth ( 3,181 people in 1998 and 990 people in 1998 respectively).

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Scholarship / LEADERSHIP IS NOT A TITLE BUT AN ACTION - CHEVENING LEADERSHIP ESSAY [5]

Chevening is looking for individuals who will be future leaders or influencers in their home countries.

Explain how you meet this requirement, using clear examples of your own leadership and influencing skills to support your answer.

Leadership is not solely about a title or position that people obtain in their professional workplaces. Instead, it is about the action itself and how people carry out the action that could result in positive outcomes to their surroundings.

During university years, I was once chosen as a leader of Consumption and Decoration Division of an event. It was quite challenging because there were a bunch of things that should be handled, and the time amount was quite limited. I started to open discussion with other members regarding things. At first, I asked their opinions then I complied and came up with conclusion. I also divided the jobs into each person so that we could cover other stuffs quickly. I personally got the job to look for food vendors. To get the right vendor, it was obvious that we should do a test-food. So, I came up with the idea that people from other division should also join the test-food so that they also could give their opinions. Thus, I told them and all of them agreed and some of them joined us. I also did some research on good decorations bohemian theme. I came up with the idea of making flowers from plastic papers so that we could help reducing plastic waste and we made the flowers. During the event, all things run smoothly including the consumption and decoration.

When I was working as a Procurement Officer in a jewellery company, I was coming as a junior officer. I was positioned by my manager to work corporately with one of the seniors since we held the same responsibilities. During WFH, the manager asked both of us about data regarding rejected goods in which it was supposed to be handled by my senior because it consisted of previous orders from previous years. My senior told me that she was confused, and she kept busy working on other tasks and the time kept ticking. At that moment, I realized that I had to do something because we should report the data to the manager. First, I asked her on what time she was able to discuss through phone. Second, I told her that I would saw the file first and made a pivot table based on what I understood while she could finish her works first. After we discussed together, we finally made it and finished the report. At first, I thought that I was going to be able to report to the manager, but then I had courage in reaching out my senior to discuss.

In conclusion, I believe that a leader should have impacted good impacts on their surroundings and how they carry out some actions into a positive result. Thus, I would like to continue my education through Chevening scholarship so that I also could be a good impact on people from other side of the world.