Undergraduate / Columbia - Who am I? birds and beauty (is it focused? do I repeat myself?) [5]

basically I want to know if... it is focused? do I repeat myself? If you've read my past pieces, this is kind of a conglomeration of the portions that I liked best :)

Write an essay which conveys to the reader a sense of who you are. Possible topics may include, but are not limited to, experiences which have shaped your life, the circumstances of your upbringing, your most meaningful intellectual achievement, the way you see the world - the people in it, events great and small, everyday life - or any personal theme which appeals to your imagination. Please remember that we are concerned not only with the substance of your prose but with your writing style as well. We prefer that you limit yourself to approximately 250-500 words (or 1-2 pages).

My finger gingerly follows the lines of the brown ink ambigram tattooed upon my wrist: Carpediem.

My bedroom walls are plastered with a motley of obscure underground indie band paraphernalia.

My sketchbook is filled with hundreds of charcoal visions inspired by scenes that have slipped through the cracks of appreciation.

I come from a seemingly picturesque world where the dregs of imperfections are non-existent. I live in Inverness, Illinois where a 4 member family, matronly SUV, and golden retriever are the ingredients to assimilation. My community is a well-oiled organization with a robotic demeanor resembling that of Stepford. High school is a center of predestination, dictated by the dings of bells and the lectures of teachers.

However, amongst this utopic suburbia, lies a veiled nuance of adventurous vitality. Like a story, Inverness possesses more than one perspective and each perspective is lovely in its own right. Sometimes things deemed robotic can be vibrant, and sometimes the ugly can be the most beautiful of all.

The other day, the sight of a bird carcass interrupted my stroll. The rotten stench settled in my nose and the sun soaked putrid flesh was palpable in the air. Most people would avert their head in disgust; however, the scene possessed a profound gravity that I couldn't ignore. Beneath the ugliness, my eyes connected with the biological magic of hollowed bones, and intricate feathers. The ethereal experience triggered my mind to wander: How old was this poor creature? Was it beautiful in flight? Why do hollow bones allow birds to fly? My thoughts consumed time, and the adrenaline of studying such a magnificent natural phenomena gave me invigorating tingles. All the while, my pencil reconstructed the flesh upon the skeleton and restored life to its remains. Through my art, this imagined sparrow can forever dwell within my journal; perhaps someday I'll resurrect the bird so it may take flight in my mind's eye again.

I guess this is why I love Inverness, and all of its hidden splendor. If you take the time to truly stop worrying about trivial matters, smell the roses, and seek overlooked beauty, you will see there is life beyond the façade: you just need to look.

I guess in the future that's what I want. I want to seek out the hidden places, and embrace the forgotten knowledge. My world has taught me to see the magnificence of what lies beneath the surface. Now, the simplest of notions, observations, and intuitions can spark my mind to explore my overlooked organic surroundings. There is a unique adventure waiting to happen with every release of inhibition. There is picturesque art waiting to be captured with every turn of the corner. There is sweet music waiting to be heard with every pursuit of happiness and whimsy.

My wrist literally bears an indelible message, Carpediem. Seize the Day.

Undergraduate / MIT: what I do for pleasure: human iPod - (91 words, v short!) [4]

Does it make sense? basically I enjoy music for the pleasure of it :)

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

I'm a human iPod. I take the enjoyment of music leagues beyond my inanimate apple counterpart. The appreciation of music is literally engrained in the circuitry of my mind. After a tough day, you can hear me on max volume singing Build Me Up Buttercup. During a long drive, plug me in and I can provide the most excellent playlist. However, I must warn you, when I play a awesome song I may just break out in spontaneous dance. As a human iPod, music is more than enjoyment. Music is bliss.

Undergraduate / MIT - the world I come from: tattoos, Carpediem, and freedom! [9]

describe the world you come from? I think it's too general... I wrote it in 2 minutes literally I wrote it from 2:20 - 2:22AM (of today) well here goes!

My index finger gingerly follows the lines of beautiful brown ink ambigram tattooed upon my wrist: Carpediem.

I'm aware that I lead a suburban privileged life: I have food on the dinner table every night; I have a bed to sleep on; I have books to go to school; and I have family and friends that love me. Moreover, I have freedom which I prize above all else. I come from a world, a community, a school and a home where I'm given endless opportunities to determine my path and express myself: what club to join, what opinion to verbalize, what thoughts to write, what platform to protest, what candidate to vote for. Limitless. My prospects are limitless. With the power of boundless possibilities under my wings, my tattooed wrist constantly reminds me to never take my fortune for granted. Seize the day, and seize the opportunity of the infinite.

Now, I'm faced with a question; what college do I want to attend? I dream of going to a college where my liberty to choose is expanded, where the knowledge I attain opens the proverbial doors to unfathomed places, and unprecedented heights. I dream of a future where I can use my own talents to innovate and produce masterpieces to improve society. I envision a future, where I am the best version of myself that I can be. I believe MIT is the platform from which I can achieve my lofty goals. Seize the day. Seize the dream of MIT.

Undergraduate / UPenn: 217 - grandfather, cranes, and faulkner! [5]

this is page 217 of my autobiography. feel free to get your red pens out and edit the craziness out of it ;)

question: I guess a read of AS I LAY DYING is necessary to understand the reference at the end... but is the last faulkner reference odd?

nothing else to observe but the sterility so I turned to my favorite book.

Despite the brilliance of Faulkner, I could not concentrate at all. Maybe it's because I was nervous, or maybe because I'm scared, or maybe the asylum white walls are starting to get to my head. In any case, hospitals always evoke memories of my grandfather. He was my best friend, my teacher, and my hero and I absolutely hate the fact that I associate such a great man to such a bland environment.

Baba was bed ridden with pancreatic cancer. I can still remember the hot and humid Malaysian climate and the hospital room where he first taught me the ways of origami. I would stay by his side while the silent animations of my parents, aunts, and uncles arguments played out like a television program through the clear glass window.

Despite the dim hospital atmosphere, Baba and I restored vivacity by folding cranes. His lean fingers quivered as he creased the paper in a methodical manner. From time to time, his smokers' cough broke the tranquility. Moments later he would weakly shoot me a smile silently reassuring me everything was okay. I labored away for two weeks in order to fold the perfect crane that would win his approval.

My 139th crane was the one. The white paper exuded brilliance beyond any of its other predecessors. I presented my bit of paper magic to him. He smiled and said in a hushed tone, "I guess my work here is done." That night he passed away. There is a legend that if one folds one thousand paper cranes, the soul can achieve eternal peace. With his warm scent of cigar smoke and his fond memories fresh in mind, I knew I had to finish his journey. In two days, I folded the remaining 861 cranes.

if
Vardaman's mother is a fish.

then
My grandfather is a crane.

Undergraduate / UPENN - Jerome Fisher M&T: Business + Engineering (is it smooth & cohesive?) [3]

Hello readers! I need other sets of eyes to examine this piece. Only 50 students get accepted into this programs. So, obviously essays play a large factor in determining who's in and who's out.

It was pretty difficult to write, i think because of the focus. But hopefully you guys can tell me if it's cohesive and if it flows. Thanks for reading! :)

PROMPT: Discuss your interest in combining management and technology. How might Penn's coordinated dual-degree program in business and engineering help you to meet your goals? Please be sure to address the nature and extent of your interests in both business and engineering.

"Emily! Mrs. Finnegan wants 100 shirts by the weekend!" my mother shouts as she takes a phone order. I smile and resume mixing the emulsifier for a new screen. Never did I think that my home screen print company would be a profitable success. About two years ago, I was perusing the t-shirt racks of an overpriced store when it hit me, "Heck! I could make all this myself!" And so it began.

Emily's Printing Co. was launched with a lofty vision, dogmatic motivation, research, start-up cash, proper tools, and product demand from peers, school sports teams, and neighbors. Initially beginning from a hand constructed screen and small containers of ink and emulsifier, this garage-brainchild has achieved phenomenal results.

If there's anything I've learned from my entrepreneurial experience with Emily's Printing Co., it's that operations and design must function in harmony. I've realized that my success was built upon a strong foundation of business acumen paired with engineering savvy. As a student of business I create numerical models to extrapolate and interpret product profitability and product pricing. As a student of engineering I see the opportunity to augment my production. I devised better screen construction by altering the placement of hinges or using a mortise and tenon joint between frame sides to resist the screen stretching. I carved better base boards to resemble the proper stretch of a t-shirt upon the body. I wrote better computer programs to better fit my number crunching. All of which aided production and boosted efficiency to help my achieve success that before was unimaginable!

Since I was a child I have frequently dabbled in both business engagements and engineering projects. I still remember the elementary school days when I used my emergent analytical skills to evaluate profit margin during recess lunch trades. I was also quite the engineer constructing epic Knex fortress residences for my Barbies™. Since then, my endeavors have evolved significantly. I am now the manager of a local band (Last Avenue) and as aforementioned a proud entrepreneur. Additionally, I have translated engineering from the platform of Knex to the realm of microscopes and centrifuges. I am now exploring the field of bioengineering at Abbott labs with my mentor Dr. Andurkar and his studies of drug systems delivery.

I only hope to fuse the principles of business and engineering in other applications beyond my screen printing company. Moreover, I possess a passion for engineering and an innate allure towards business. I believe it is inevitable that both paths of engineering and business merge will together to define my future no matter what I do. Thus, I embrace the spirit of the Jerome Fisher Management & Technology Program. I treasure the freedom of exploration through the personalized curriculum. I appreciate the phenomenal staff that enrich the M&T program. Ultimately, I value the "beyond the classroom" learning as I've found my greatest learning occurs when textbook concepts are applied to the real world.

I understand the rigors of the Management & Technology Program. Moreover, I understand the potency of my entrepreneurial spirit, the might of my motivation, and the strength of my aspirations. With a "Penngineering" education I will hone my individual assets in combination with my learned skills to achieve my dreams. I have dreams of being at the helm of a pharmaceutical company - perhaps Abbott labs; dreams of using my creative, technical, and business savvy simultaneously to achieve success; and dreams of being the best version of me that I can be. According to Benjamin Franklin, "An investment in knowledge pays the best interest." I am ready to invest in the University of Pennsylvania's Jerome Fisher Program in Management & Technology.

Undergraduate / Hey BEN what can I contribute to your community? (UPENN supp) [2]

PROMPT TIME!Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community? (ONE PAGE MAX)

It's kinda long? Please, get your scissors out and cut it up!

I strive to be a Benjamin Franklin. Of course not in the sense that he's a man and possesses a Y chromosome, but more or less because he was a colonial renaissance man. He did it all: science, combat, diplomacy, and activism. I share in his sentiment of exploration through a complete spectrum possibilities to discover the boundless riches that the world has to offer.

Activism and the American Revolution solidified Benjamin Franklin's legacy. As well, there is a "Green Revolution" currently ensuing. As an environmental activist, and leader of the Chicagoland Greenpeace and PETA youth coalition, I have forged new environmentally conscious pathways. I founded my school's first environmental club, and went on to institute the very first student operated recycling program. I wish to be a member of UPenn's Environmental Group. The Environmental Group provides a lofty and committed platform from which students can really affect change. Additionally, I believe that the nature of the UPenn community is incredibly appreciative and open towards the notion of the Environmental Group. I was simply beaming when I heard that UPenn is converting a 24 acre plot of asphalt into "a thriving green ribbon." It is actions such as these which gives me hope that I can use my leadership and visionary skills to augment the UPenn community and perhaps the Philadelphia community as well.

Since childhood, I have found fascination amongst my organic world. Whilst growing up, my grandfather's encouragement refined my artistic eye and eventually my passion for art and science coalesced into one. Inquiry and observation reign supreme and I have come to the realization that Biomedical Engineering is the answer to my queries. Biomedical engineering is the means by which I can express the factual innovation of science while maintaining the organic creativity of the fine arts that I so arduously desire. Involvement in the Biomedical Engineering Society will present opportunities and discussion forums that can catalyze my knowledge enrichment. Like Benjamin Franklin's electrical investigations, perhaps with my unique "artistic" approach to science the Biomedical Engineering Society may provide a platform for me to make a revolutionary discovery.

Above all else, I would like to fulfill the role of diplomat. I still remember the day when embarked upon my first UPenn tour. My friendly tour guide had a beaming smile while narrating his personal anecdotes about why he loved UPenn. By the time we made our way back to College Hall, I felt like I was with him during his experiences. He made me fall in love with UPenn. I painted images of my roommate pillow fights in Gregory House, my late night cram sessions at Van Pelt library, my Quaker football game experiences at Franklin field. I wish to join the Kite and Key Society because of their high school outreach programs, tutoring commitment, overnight hosting, community service actions, and tour guiding. Essentially, I hope to use my own story of enchantment as inspiration to represent the prowess and legacy of the Quaker to other hopefuls so they may fall in love with UPenn as I have.

As a high school senior and prospective Quaker, I am approaching university with an open-mind to capture new knowledge, and a readiness to use my personal tools of leadership and audacity to augment the community. The University of Pennsylvania is right research institution for me because of the rich culture - both in and out of class - inspires students to not only observe, but experience. According to Benjamin Franklin, "An investment in knowledge pays the best interest." I am ready to invest in the University of Pennsylvania.

Undergraduate / My passion for learning and science - Cornell Engineering [15]

my main questions are does the essay answer the question? & is it cohesive and focused?

if you'd like me to edit yours - feel free to comment :)

PROMPT: Engineers turn ideas (technical, scientific, mathematical) into reality. Tell us about an engineering idea you have or your interest in engineering. Explain how Cornell Engineering can help you further explore this idea or interest. 500 word max - it's ten words over, but that's easily fixable.

My passion for learning and science began at an early age primarily due to my hero, my grandfather. He encouraged me to embark upon curious adventures of the natural environment and to expand my imagination. With his support, I trekked upon a journey to a parallel universe where the magic of science and logic reign supreme. When I was 8 he bought me a journal for my birthday. Since then I've always loved keeping that bit of natural magic to myself in the form of a journal. Beyond observation, I loved to draw and record my findings so they may forever dwell within my grasp. Unfortunately, due to pancreatic cancer, he has passed on. But his appreciation and encouragement for my knowledge exploration still lingers.

My fascination with science has never left me. Just this past, summer I was involved in a pharmacokinetic research project with my mentor Dr. Andurkar. Upon our quest to patent yet another anticonvulsant drug for epileptic patients, the same sensation of childhood enchantment again resurfaced. I have ventured far beyond my elementary school comprehension. Instead of watching the television, now I'm actually employing the concepts of gravity and body systems in calculations and studies alongside graduate students to find out truly which drug delivery mechanism to employ for the developmental amino anticonvulsant.

To develop a drug, one must first study the body. Needless to say after hours of peering through microscope lenses, I am simply amazed by the majesty and phenomena of what is mother nature. The perfect and specialized functions of cells, and the natural defense mechanisms of the body is simply staggering to observe. To know that I am a part of a lab team actively working with her to develop a therapeutic instrument, just makes me experience the frequent capricious thrill. The prowess of mother nature's functionality came to life: beyond my pages of recorded statistics, and beyond the pages of my observational journals.

The next step in my education is to explore colleges that can provide me with the greatest potential to continue my passions - Cornell is that institution. I have hopeful dreams to continue dabbling in the field of drug and delivery systems. Particularly I'd like to stray from epileptic studies to the field of oncology in honor of my grandfather. I imagine myself taking a class under Professor Claudia Fischbach-Teschl, utilizing her expertise in tissue-engineered model systems and cancer metastasis patterns perhaps in the future I may be a part of the revolutionary progression to find the cure for cancer.

Through my experience with Mr. Andurkar and his lab team I've learned that I relish the team atmosphere of developmental science. Moreover, as an art aficionado and a science enthusiast, I loved being able to marry my logical intuition and the artistic majesty of mother nature. I only hope to continue my scientific enchantment with the inspiration of my grandfather to bring life beyond the pages of my journal. Perhaps one day my passions will come to fruition to develop solutions that have the capacity to change peoples' lives.

Undergraduate / "I study physics during my free time" - MIT [7]

my other thread got deleted because I'm a horrible subject writer. So here goes!

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it.(100 words or fewer) i'm right on the money with 100 words! :)

"I study physics during my free time, " I say. My remark is usually replied with a perplexed face that communicates, "Are you crazy?"

Dare I say, I'm not crazy! I see physics in everything around me: when I'm snowboarding atop Wisconsin mountains- friction coefficient, when I listen to The Bravery or MGMT- longitudinal and compression sound waves, when I tinker with my solar panels- photoelectric effect.

Physics helps me to understand my world and my universe which gives me a unique satisfaction I can't attain by any other means. I know that physics phenomenon will phasinate me phorever.

thanks for reading :)