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Posts by t1292
Joined: Nov 27, 2009
Last Post: Jan 20, 2011
Threads: 11
Posts: 21  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 32
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t1292   
Jan 20, 2011
Scholarship / "an antonym to success is failure" - Scholarship: What does it take to be succesful? [3]

According to Webster's Dictionary, an antonym to success is failure. Yet the relationship between the two terms is more complex than that. People's roads to success are very different but their stories usually share some characteristics; they work hard work, hope and at some point they failed.

Senior year, my best friend and high schools SGA president convinced me to run for SGA vice President. (Actually he forged my name on the sign up ballet). I told him repeatedly it wasn't possible; my classmates called me crazy, weird and ugly. I thought that it would be a humiliating defeat in which I ended up with two votes: his and mine. Yet he was persistent. His constant encouragement and unwillingness to except discouraging facts eventually got me to believe in myself.

Once I started to believe in myself, I realized that winning this election would require hard work. Especially considering I was running against my school's homecoming princess, star cheerleader and model team captain. To combat my opponent, I gave away candy, had lunch with freshmen and practiced my speech incessantly. I did all of this for about two weeks and the day before the election I dragged my mom to office depot and spent two weeks lunch money on label papers. I used the label paper to print stickers that read "Vote Jestina!" Aligning the printer with the label paper proved to be a difficult and stressful task. At one point I almost gave up, but then I realized if I gave up and lost as a result I'd regret it forever. After about only an hour of sleep, I went to school an hour early to give out my campaign stickers to every student I could find. It was evident that I gave the campaign my blood, sweat and tears; so by election time I felt confident. As I walked through the halls between classes, countless people approached me saying, "Jestina I voted for you." I just couldn't wait for the afternoon announcements to confirm my victory. After years of being shy and fearful I finally stepped out of my comfort zone to run for a position I could only have dreamed about before. When fourth period announcements started, I yelled "shh" to silence my fourth period class; a friend tapped me and said, "What's the point? You already know you won." But I just had to hear it! The announcer went through all the class offices first and then they said it "The SGA vice president is Tanzania Rice."

I felt my belly drop. My face froze like a devoted wife would after discovering her husband cheated with a younger woman. It made no sense hard work and confidence should equal success! When we were dismissed I looked at all the sticker wearers as if they were that younger women. But soon went into denial: There must be a mistake? Sure, my opponent was 'popular' but I believed and gave it my best effort. I invested my money in candy and stickers! I dismissed all the definitions of me and redefined myself. I immediately found the election coordinator who confirmed I lost by 22 votes, which meant I got 398 more votes then I initially expected. However, it was still a loss.

I couldn't wait to get off my bus and home to my room. It was quiet dark and miserable. If I stayed there forever I would never fail at anything again. As I sat on my bedroom floor my mind started to wander. I thought about my favorite musical artist: Michael Jackson. As hard as it may be to believe considering his legacy today, Michael Jackson (along with his brothers) once received third place in a local talent show; a talent show that they worked night and day to win. Then I thought about Sarah Palin, who despite the criticisms she received during her Vice Presidential run, is interested in running for President in 2012. Finally my mind started to wonder about my own father, who has been thrown more curve balls than anyone I know. Since my dad received his degree in the Soviet Union it proved virtually useless in this country. But that didn't stop him from going back to school to study computers and when computer technician jobs seemed to disappear he didn't complain and he didn't give up. He is currently a registered nurse and I know that if he wasn't putting all his time and money towards me and my brother's educations he'd be back in the classroom again. Jackson, Palin and most importantly my father show me that success isn't just hope and hard work it is endurance.

Although I lost SGA Vice president, I gained confidence, I gained experience and I gained a lot of friends. The experience made my senior year of high school a thousand times more fun than my junior year.

This semester I applied to be an RA at my University. The application process was long and challenging and because of the rain and location of the submission office turning in the application proved to be a challenge in itself. Again I ignored the unlikely odds, worked hard and unfortunately I did not receive the position. As I read the letter sent by the RA coordinators to inform me that I would not become an RA, I was already thinking about what I would add to next year's application. Successful people work hard, take risk but if a person truly wishes to find happiness through success they must be willing to endure the pain of failure and keep on striving. In the words of the late Aaliyah "And if at first you don't succeed dust yourself off and try again"

I am not 100% confident in my grammar + should I break up the bigger paragraphs?
t1292   
Dec 17, 2010
Research Papers / My class on issues African Americans face/education; No Child Left Behind [3]

In 2001, President George W Bush and his administration declared No Child Left Behind. The proclamation should mean that the historic educational achievement gap between black and white American students would be closed. But 11 years after the proclamation it is evident that there is still a large gap between minority students and white students. In 2007 American white elementary school students scored 31 points higher in reading and 26 points higher in math on standardized test then their African American peers (Toppo). In 2001 only 50% of African Americans graduated on time with regular diplomas. African Americans are also at a higher risk of special education and are less likely to be placed in gifted and talented programs. The reason for these disparities are three types of factors; economical, environmental and human.

African Americans do poorly because of their school environments. According to Jennifer Van Greek, Professor at Bowling Green University, "Children who attend low-status, high-minority schools learn less than do children who attend integrated schools." Children cannot possibly learn when they are surrounded by other students that do not do much better. She states that "students establish a peer society within which attitudes related to schooling and achievement become normative expectations;" Meaning that students surrounded by students who do good are encouraged to good themselves.

African American students are unfortunately part of the discouraging school environment. When, Erikson Institute for Advanced Study in Child Development, observed Chicago, Illinios public schools (over 60% African American in 2000)they found that students scare other students from working towards academic achievement. Students commonly insulted students for being wrong. "Children more and more frequently could be heard making derogatory comments about their classmates, and teachers began to feel they were more

often in the role of conflict mediator than learning facilitator." Not only do students take away time from their education by making their teachers allocate more time to solving disputes, I nsulting other students also scare students from giving an effort to the point that they stop trying. With all the factors stacking up against African Americans it is unfortunate that fellow African American students sometimes work against each other.

Yet students are not entirely to blame for the discouraging behaviors they exhibit in school. Part of the reason for their behaviors is African American schools don't encourage positive behaviors. In the Erikson's Institutes initial observations researchers noticed a lack of posters and messages. They suggest the power of reinforced and displayed rules such as "Respect yourself Respect others, and respect this environment" A similar experiment that evaluated factors that effect academic success, found that motivational posters decorating the school and inspirational speakers had a large effect on how hard a student in their control group worked on her assignments(.Griffard and Wandersee). Little things like clean facilities, new books and dress codes create an environment of success. Crowded African American schools are often the schools given up on, the facilities are left to decay and students have no zeal to succeed.

Another issue is the economical disadvantages that come with not being white. Even from a young age white students have an advantage that black students cannot afford. According to Linda Lutton WBEZ Education reporter, African Americans (as well as Latinos) are less likely to attend pre-school then their white peers. By Kindergarten there is a clear difference in reading and problem solving abilities between those who attended pre-school and those who did not. Evidence of this is National Center for Education Statistics (NCES) study that shows in 1998 and 1999, a third to half of Black and Latino students enrolled in kindergarten with test scores in the bottom quarter in math, reading and general knowledge only a 6th of white students did as bad.

As wealthier White students abandon public schools they leave minority students to suffer. The term 'White Flight' describes the period after World War II in which white Americans fled urban areas as more and more African Americans started to move in. A similar flight is happening in Americas school systems. According to Carl L. Bankston III and Stephen J. Caldas of the University of Louisiana at Lafayette, districts with public schools populated with a large number of black students tend to have more white Americans attending private schools in the area. This leaves the area public schools at an extreme disadvantage because schools are funded based on the number of students enrolled so as whites flee black students suffer.

Essential for a child to succeed academically is the interaction of parent, teacher and student. More often than not, African American parents are not involved in their child's education. Teachers often lack the ability to communicate with both child and parent. When these three factores do not communicate properly it is the students education suffers.

Without parental involvement, African American Peter McDermott and Julia Rothenberg, lecturers at the Sage college, agree that parental involvement is critical to a child's academic success in elementary middle and even high school. In general, African American parents tend not be as involved as white American parents. Meaning they do not go on field trips, get to know their children's teachers or help their children pick classes. McDernitt and Ruthenberg point out that African American parent's lack of involvement isn't because they care less but because "urban families are often marginalized from everyday school life by poverty, racism, language and cultural differences." Some African Americans may not be able to afford taking the time to get involved in their child's education. African American parents often earn less and have to work multiple jobs are long hours to support their families (Kilbourne).Along with Poverty issues racism and cultural differences as the reason parents don't get involved in their child's education. They feel that schools are "designed for children from middle class, white families at the expense of others (McDenitt and Ruthenburg)." African Americans must fight the obstacles and become partners in their children's education if any progress is to be made in educating African American youth.

Teachers in many Urban school distracts are another issue that keeps African American youth from academic success. McDenitt and Ruthenburg feel that "Urban teachers often lack knowledge and respect of the ethnicities and cultures of the children they teach." The required texts and teaching methods are hard for African Americans to relate to. The teacher is seen as a stranger that the students are to in fear to address with questions or concerns. In a paper by Anthony Brown, Department of Curriculum and Instruction, University of Texas at Austin, he proves that African American-specifically African American males- do better with teachers that understand their economic and racial backgrounds. In order for African Americans to do better their needs to be an increase in teachers that have the background knowledge required to educate disadvantaged black students.

Urban teachers see African American parents as an obstacle to teaching their children. For example a European American teacher notices that an African American student in her class
t1292   
Aug 20, 2010
Essays / Paragraph on how to do better in college (asking for help in college) [4]

Well I'm not sure how serious this assingment is for you but that paragraph is quite short and unemotional. Try swtiching out words for a synonm and see what happens make your last sentence more profound and open with a general statement eithier about your previous year in college or about help.
t1292   
Aug 20, 2010
Graduate / "What makes me come alive?" - Personal Statement and Grade Explanation [4]

Wow Bravo!
It is well written there is a clear voice the only thing I must say is that some sentences seem cliche (yea I know missing the accent symbol) but come out as confusing and not really meaning anything at all. For Example : I am a product of my response to my circumstances.

^
After reading it a second time I understood exactly what you ment but when someone has a million of these to read you might not get a second read.
t1292   
Aug 20, 2010
Scholarship / What do you feel is a balance between being successful financially & given back? [4]

I wrote this essay I need about 500 more words but cant think of ANYTHING ELSE 2 say!

Money can buy happiness. Everyone knows it. However; it is not a ratio meaning money = happiness but More Money ≠ more happiness. It's like alcohol in the sense that in small dosages it gives you a good feeling but once it reaches that point eithier a persons mood is uneffected by the ever increasing financial success or worst yet it has adverse depressive effects. A person who is finacially secure is not neccesirilly financially succes mood is uneffected by the ever increasing financial success or worst yet it has adverse depressive effects. A person who is finacially secure is not neccesirilly financially succesful but it many classes there closer then they think and should find ways to give back before its to late.

Our home is the crowning of my parents achievement the only non-living thing they have owned for so long. They put a lot of work into it to get it and everyday as they paint the deck, sweep the floor and bagger me about eating on the carpet they put work on keeping it up. When the Haitti earthquake hit my parents who had already been sending money to family in Haitti on a monthly basis worked overtime. Stretched pennies and we all gave up some of life's lugeries but yet one thing that stayed paid for that month was the mortgage. See for my parents this house is a symbol of financial success that doesn't fade. Financially successful people often eat out in fancy places, dress flashy and own electronics they don't fully understand how to use. My parents don't need all of that and an abundance of it would have adverse effects on them weather they understand that or notL

Just as a person feels the adverse effects of alcohol at different BAC levels so to does a person feel the adverse effects of to much money at different levels. For my parents once the bills are paid and they are fed all other money could go towards a noteworthy cause and they will still feel as successful for the month. But for my Unckle there is a unique passion coins. My dad mocks this passion saying that spending $100 on a quarter is the dumbest thing he ever heard. But for my Uncle it signify's his tough journey from jail to school to owning his own plumbing company. He showcase's it in his small home call it modest at best, see spending money on a lavish home for him doesn't showcase his financial success the way coins do.

Point blank everybody who works hard for their money deserves something they can be proud of . The cost of obtaining and maintaning this item varies but once they have it securely ( along with life's basic necessities) the rest of there income should be divided between their various wants, put into savings and given back as a token of appreciation for there success I say a 33.3% split.
t1292   
Jun 25, 2010
Writing Feedback / Giving money to sports activities is as important as giving money to libraries [6]

THE first paragraph has already confused me and if I were reading a large amout of essays I would stop reading just after that.
There are many argument on study verses sports.(try instead- Sports vs. Study : The age old argument. Some (dont use some so much it makes you sound confused & confuses the reader) people thinks that students goes university for study not for time pass, so university should spend money on libraries instead of sports. (CHECK Grammar!) If student want to participate in sports, they should go private sport club. (State that this is others opinion and not your own)

If you ask my opinion I will (Unnessasary start sentence with I) i say that university (plural Universitys right?)should give the same amount of money to their sports activities as they give to their university libraries. (TRY using evenly distribute money to sports activity's) ....To support my belief I will illustrate in the following context.(This is your thesis. It is boring and too broad zoom in. What is the following context??)
t1292   
Jun 25, 2010
Scholarship / Testimony and About Me Scholarship Essay [2]

There are to many grammatical errors to point them all out here. You should have someone ELSE read your essay out loud to you and see if you can catch them that way. Also the VERY first sentence insults the readers it is an assumption that may well anger some people. MOST? really I dont. I know you didn't mean it that way you just wanted your reader to know how strong you were but as a writer it is something you need to look out for. Besides, opem with a MORE interesting sentence something that GRABS the readers attention.
t1292   
Jun 24, 2010
Undergraduate / A time that I overcome problems: From Pakistan to America [3]

First of the grammer is a problem Try reading it aloud SLOWLY and you will catch your own mistakes.
Second dont use might or some you dont sound confident.
Third less about this poor boy and more about your problems in America what didn't you like? Why was it a problem?
t1292   
Jun 24, 2010
Scholarship / Scholarship question: How has performing arts effected my life? (493 words used) [6]

I have never been to Broadway and if given right now I would fail a quiz on stage parts yet performing arts has given me confidence to always be myself , concentration skills for anything I do and a community of support.

All throughout middle and elementary school I was labeled the 'weird' girl. It seemed any time I tried to make friends I made more enemy's . So when I moved to a new area I thought I can survive a lot easier these next four years if I just stay quiet. So I walked into Blake high school with my new Ipod Nano and Diary and thought these will be my friends. In classes 1-4 I managed to keep to myself as I had planed but then 5th period came it was Mrs. Roots drama class I already knew this class would be different because there were no assigned seats; I of course sat alone away from what I saw as possible enemies. But as soon as Mrs. Roots walked in she directed us to form a circle to play the memory name game where everyone introduced themselves by saying there name and giving a key move. I was first since, I sat by the teacher, and as my teacher explained the directions about a billion idea's for what my move would be crossed my mind When the game started I said Jestina and clapped my hands once. As the circle went on and I saw some of the moves I thought of followed by the approval of the rest of the class I thought 'wow these kids are really different' and after one 45 minute class I realized that in this class it might just be ok to be Jestina S**. After a week I knew their names and each time we played the name game I got more and more comfortable with myself and did any move I could think of. When we started to watch plays and opera's not only was I not shy to share my opinion but there were kids that seemed quiet in other classes that always participated in drama. We began to sit together at Lunch give each other tips on how to excavate our characters better and ultimately they became a real supportive family. By the end of the year when we and several other high school went to performe Taming of The Shrew at The Verizon Center I was no longer shy or afraid and thou I did not land the part of Katherine as I had hoped I understood the importance of my part and ultimately the importance of myself.

Mrs. Roots drama class may have the next Cuba Gooding Jr. in it or the next Madonna or it may not. Regardless I'm sure I can speak for everyone in saying that performing arts gave us a feeling of importance an outlet for expression and just a whole lot of fun.

500 word limit
t1292   
Jun 18, 2010
Scholarship / About Reginald Spain, describe your academic or career goals. [3]

Reginald Spaine hasn't had it easy we joke that he belongs on the series GoodTimes because it seems he always 'keeps his head above water' no mater how many odd's are stacked against him. He is my motivation to succeed, my rock when I fail and the star of my pipe dream. My ultimate career goal is to someday write my very own novel one that stars a hard-working man who travels from Sierra-Leone, to Russia, to England and to America with the burden and responsibility of ill or improvised family members on his shoulders all the while keeping a smile on his face. See if you met my father you wouldn't know that his life has been a constant uphill battle or that he lost so many loved one's in the most violent ways. Perhaps its because he is strong or because he's put all that behind him and put all his hopes and dreams into his daughter who will begin perusing an English and possibly political sciences degree from the University Of Maryland. See if you met him you would know that, he boast and brags about me all the time (you'd probably know my SAT score too). He is very proud that I managed to make it here and its eating him up inside that due to his array of obligations for his family here and back in Sierra Leone he does not have much money to support me in my endeavors.

250 WORDS
Does it stray to far from the topic because there was also an option TOPIC of Your Choice so I can still use it if so.
t1292   
Jun 18, 2010
Undergraduate / Essay on what is important to me (people, places, music)- a concluding paragraph? [3]

It sounds to much like your listing these things it is proper but boring and will not stand out comared to the rest of the essays. (All this I declared just from the first line)

As I read on I begin to question the age of the writer is is very juvenille and at places you seem to rant. Its always good to let yourself shine thru your writting but this sounds like how you would talk in a regular conversation.
t1292   
Mar 7, 2010
Scholarship / Intro for scholarship essay :My chosen field of study is English...because [2]

"I woke up. I walked to the bus stop..." On October 1st 2008 my friend handed me a gift that changed the rest of my life. It was a 70 page green College Ruled notebook. It eventually became my best friend in which I shared all my secrets, opinions and thoughts that just couldn't be expressed. As I began to write more and more I become more articulate more profound and more honest. I soon filled up those 70 pages and got my second diary and on the first page of my burgundy covered 500 page notebook I wrote about my dream to be a writer. My Chosen field of study is English because I want to tone and harness my skills to someday be able to manipulate language to express my thoughts to the world.

Is it to long
should i save some of this for the body?
Limit 500 words this is already 136
t1292   
Dec 6, 2009
Undergraduate / ACTIVITIES AND LEADERSHIP - GMU general admissions essay [3]

. Every time I sang a note, I could
Answer what music is to plainly and out front in eitheir the first paragraph or the last.
This essay is alright but it lacks a clear point?
You didn't hit the SO WHAT.
As my english teacher calls it.
t1292   
Dec 6, 2009
Undergraduate / Lafayette College describe a creative or academic interest... [4]

I have 89 charecters left.
Is it neccessary I give the explanation for the nicknaes described in paragraph 2. For example he called Her Ham because she was over weight. How do I tie in Harper Lee's Novel with the rest of the essay?

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." ~Anaïs Nin I first decided that I wanted to be a writer after reading Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird. I was amazed at how, through the eyes of a child she was able to illuminate social and moral corruptions that were just not discussed during her time. Since then I saw writing as a way to safely express myself.

I first adopted the habit of daily writing in 7th grade. When an abrupt move landed me in a new school. A school where I felt I was cursed to be the most hated student on campus. I was teased and bullied constantly. Reporting bullying to teachers did not help I was told I'm not in elementary school anymore I needed to find a way to deal with it on my own. But how? On one particular morning a student referred to me as green eggs and my friend as ham. What was there we could do? How were we expected to deal with students taunting us? And then she said it. "Burnt toast". Her insult just egged him on they went at it for a while until he punched her in the face. She punched back and the two were dragged out of the class. They were both suspended. Virtually nothing to the boy already suspended 3 times that year but dreadfully damaging to my straight-A friends future ambitions.

The next two days I was left to face students alone. 'Green eggs where's Ham?' they asked. But I had to do something because its as if I could feel the frustration in my teeth, stomach and head. So one day I just took out a piece of paper and wrote. Wrote how I felt, wrote what I wanted to say and just wrote what I wish school were like. Mostly however, I wrote to distract myself from the problems of the real world. I have since become more of a broad writer writing figurative poems in place of direct insults.

Someday I dream of being a novelist but for now writing is just a way to keep from losing it.
t1292   
Dec 6, 2009
Undergraduate / Cornell application essay for Arts and Sciences - interest writing [9]

Nice writing style but when you incooparate book titles it sounds more like your selling these books then telling what impact they have on you.

Your last sentance does not work but I see someone has already told you that.
Maybe you should broaden yourself a bit? Talk about what cources you want to take or what else you can do with a creative writting major besides become an authour.
t1292   
Dec 6, 2009
Undergraduate / "an entirely different world" - Lafayette College supplement question [4]

Lafayette supplement question:

Why are you interested in Lafayette?

limit 500 Charecters my answer is exactly 500
Where should I used more developed language?

I am intersted in Lafyette because I know it is an entirely different world then Prince Georges County MD. Its diverse campus offers a chance to surrond myself with people nothing like myself and with 74% out of state students I know I wont be the only one in a new world. Also Lafayette's renowned Liberal Arts program would assist me in honing my writing skills. Most importantly Lafayette's academic outreach service and low student-faculty ratio means I'll easyly have access to help when needed.
t1292   
Dec 6, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App question: Elaborate on one of your activities. Activity: Running [5]

Question on the Common App
limited to 150 words.
Does it really succeed in elaborating?
it is exactly at 150 words thats why I ended the way I did.
I have two versions which one should I use?

Running has caused me the worst pain of my life. It has purloined time away from homework, friends and sleep. I've fallen in mud, I've frozen my feet in snow and I've had countless nose bleeds. All of this and the highest I've ever placed is 4th. I have never been so proud of myself. I didn't start running until late in my junior year and I compete against girls who have been running most of their lives while I could never even climb the rope in gym . Now I'm able to run a 3.1 mile race.

Through running, I've discovered self confidence and a sense of belonging. Looking at my coach or teammates makes me push my body to a point I never thought it could reach. Running has also helped me realize that there is no limit to what I can do if I strive at it.

I only began running track at 16. I practice everyday from 4-7PM and in the mornings on the weekends. I am the newest the 5 people team and I struggle to keep up with my experienced team mates; one of which is Maryland State Champion runner-up.

Through running, I have discovered self confidence and a sense of belonging. Looking at my coach or teammates faces as I continue to get faster makes me push my body to a point I, the girl who couldn't even climb the rope in gym class, never thought it could reach. After months of pain and hard work I realize that there is no limit to what I can do if I strive for it. Life is a lot like running meaning no victory will ever come easy. I no longer fear hard work or question that I'm able to do whatever I strive at.
t1292   
Dec 6, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App Personal Statement, On Poetry and Sailing [5]

Does your sister really ever call You brother?? it takes away the realism replace that with your name.
"a hilariously matter-of-fact way" I dont know what to call this exactley just know it is awkward and somewhat paradoxical.
"so my childhood has shaped who I am and my reality." Is more telling then showing
"one a stone mason and the other a farmer." One a? The other> How about my grandmother a ..and my grandfather a...

"starting with the ABCs, and read frequently." proofread!(out loud)
"once met a man on a street in ******, ****** who pointed to a piece of drawing and said "this is not art," and then, gesturing between his heart and mine with his hands, said "this is art". " No offense but this is knod of boring try inverting sentances a bit.

OVERALL It is proffessional interesting but it needs ALOT of work
t1292   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / essay question for ST. Mary's University [4]

thank You so very much!
The strange part though is that I had my teacher edit it..I guess he was in a hurry if you still see more?
t1292   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / essay question for ST. Mary's University [4]

The essay question for ST. Mary's University
The Dean of admissions is coming to dinner! What would you serve? Who would you invite and what would be discussed?

Its December 25th 2009 we can see the snow falling outside thru the bay window my dad made in the dinning room. We smell the Okra soup and rice my mom made for the occasion. We hear The Temptations version of "Silent Night" on the record player my dad has had since his days in Russia. As mom walks in with the Pièce de résistance: a seasoned Turkey I grab my father's hand with my right hand and President Barack Obama's with my left. My mom places the Turkey in the center surrounded by Cornbread, Mashed Potatoes, Salad and Jullof Rice. She stands directly across from me on the other side of the table and grabs my brothers hand to the left and Michelle Obama's on the right. My brother then hesitantly grabs Mr. Chinua Achebe's hand while he proudly reaches for Alice Walker's hand, and when I see that the circle is completed with my dad and Mrs. Obama grabbing Tyrone Young's hands, I begin to pray, "Dear God thank you for the food we are about to eat and loved one's to share it with. I pray for those not as fortunate this season..."

After our prayer we hesitate to sit as we watch our President. He shyly smiles and looks at me. "Jestina, may we take our seats?"

I nod my head yes and we all sit down. My father carves the turkey. After the first minutes of silence, Mr. Achebe asks my dad if he and I really painted and paneled the dining room ourselves. Yes, he says, as if it was nothing. Mr. Achebe asks how we learned to and he informs him that he learned it from a book, reaching past me for another piece of Turkey. Mr. Achebe is very impressed but not as impressed as my father is with Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart. As my dad recites his favorite passage beginning "A proud heart can survive general failure because such a failure does not prick its pride," Mr. Achebe's cheeks grow increasingly red. My mother senses the awkwardness and asks Michelle Obama where she got the dress she is wearing. We have a few more minutes of chit chat when suddenly Mr. Young, admissions director of St. Mary's University, asks me what I want to do with my life. I tell him I want to be a creative writer. Alice Walker and Chinua Achebe look up from their plates with curiosity and amusement. Mrs. Walker asks me what I would write about. My brother giggles. I remember back to the day I caught him reading my diary about two years ago, in which I wrote the plot summary for what I thought would be a very good story. It was about a girl who could make all the boys at her school like her magically, and mute her parents whenever she wanted. I give him a slight smile and then turn back to Mrs. Walker. "If I was blessed to," I say, "I someday want to write a man's journey, similar to my father's, filled with set backs, courage and triumph." Mr. Obama says that it sounds interesting and that I should give him a call when I finish it, because he wants to be the first to read it. We all laugh except my father who's eyes follow each snowflake, from where it starts, to where it falls, blending in with the rest of the snow.
t1292   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / "Dreams and destiny" [3]

Maybe you should say dreams are like a painting instead of paint.
Although, I would like to believe that I have won the case, my skins told me other wise. Dont understand this.
complacent. However, with the previous knowledge I gained from South Korea I managed to be an elite student- Sounds like an insult to the American education system

It is a real good essay however, just had to point out a few things.
t1292   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Personal Statement for Lafayette Describe creative interest or accomplishment [3]

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~Anaïs Nin I first decided that I wanted to be a writer when I read Harper Lee's To Kill A Mockingbird. I was amazed at how, through the eyes of a child she was able to illuminate social and moral corruptions that were just not discussed during her time. Since then I saw writing as my escape to freedom. My journal became the one place where my heart can speak without having to first consult with my brain.

2000 charecters where do I go from here?