Undergraduate /
"I have grown up on two continents" - Common App Personal Essay on Diversity [5]
I was actually thinking about taking this sentence out; not because I think it is pretentious but because I just don't think it makes a whole lot of sense. I do think that anyone's life is a catalogue, in a sense, it's just made up of different sections with different labels.
I agree with the part about the sections, but no one's life "embodies" diversity, if you know what i mean
I didn't think of it as a 'touch' but thanks! :)
well usually it's learned
kinda like toward and towards. both r accepted, but one is for british and the other american
Actually, someone else told me not to use 'insofar' I'm quite curious...is it an awkward expression?
no, but it's not common, so once should be better. It might just be that I rarely see it tho.
Hm, I think you misunderstood me here. Rather than talking about how I overcame cultural clashes (actually never mentioned that) or 'merged identities', I was using that as an example of how you can misunderstand someone if you judge them on single impressions rather than as a whole.
I understand your point here, but realize that the identity issue is very very widespread among immigrants. What are we? asian? american? do we know enough of each culture to call ourselves one or the other? So by mentioning the fact that you're a combination, but not actually going in depth about how you merged these cultures can be misleading
I have learnt not to be superficial in judging others.
this might be the problem i have about your thesis.
i personally wrote an essay on the same topic and talked about the things I learned. But then, my english teacher read it and said: I could learn thing by working at a lemonade stand, so what makes the things you learn so invaluable? Again, it's not because you moved to those places that makes you special, it's how you've reacted and
acted to/upon the change.
This statement is quite general and I think that it applies to everyone, not just to me - isn't everyone the product of all their experiences and isn't that what makes them, them? What does overcoming 'the cultural barrier' have to do with personal identity?
yes, the result apply to some (not everyone, as I said, a lot of them still struggle with identity), but the process isn't. How you overcame this barrier shows your psychology and your strength of character. If this is not personal, then what is? i mean, we all learn to not judge a book by its cover, but immigration has to be more than that.
I hope I'm not hinting that; rather, I'm trying to explain how I have come to embrace/respect diversity through my own experiences
but what is diversity? You focus on your immigration and how you've learned to view things differently, but ultimately, what makes you different?
take another immigrant, what in your immigration makes you different than him/her?
I believe that diversity can only be beneficial when it is understood and respected.
well, you do say that "when it is understood", if your essay doesn't cover the meaning of diversity, how can you put this statement in your conclusion?
I don't think that "immigration = diversity" either, for argument's sake there are plenty of non-integrated immigrants who are the opposite of diverse.
yes, and many non-immigrants who are absolutely diverse. So what is diversity?
my own diversity or life experiences
by using "or" you pretty much state that diversity = your life experiences or immigration...or it might be just my misunderstanding
, by bringing my perspective borne out of those
perspective can be achieved through anything, not necessarily immigration. therefore, it's kind of a waste by focusing on perspective.
While I think that living in lots of countries helps to nurture a "diverse" mind, anyone can develop a "diverse perspective"
well, it's great that you think this way. But your essay focuses on the immigration part of diversity, which could be misleading
I'm truly sorry if my response comes across as over defensive at times
haha, you could've thought of this before you question whether I read your essay...just saying
I'm not trying to demean your efforts or anything, but i myself wrote an essay about the things I learned through immigration: hardworking, perseverant... which isn't too far from the perspective you gained from immigration. But I realized after a session with my teacher that what you've gained from immigration is far from being diverse. You could learn any of this anywhere else. However, what makes immigration so special is its process. It's what you've done and how you've reacted to the traumatizing event.
It's really not easy to come to a new environment, and the fact that you could adapt really differentiate you from other candidates, rather than simply talking about the things you've acquired, which could apply to absolutely anybody.
