Unanswered [13] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by alexis brandon
Joined: Dec 10, 2010
Last Post: Feb 1, 2011
Threads: 17
Posts: 44  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 61 / page 1 of 2
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alexis brandon   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / "a repertoire of music genres" Notre Dame introduce a new course essay. [4]

Essay Question
The curriculum offered at Notre Dame varies from what you might expect (e.g. Introduction to Biological Sciences, Accountancy) to topics you might not (e.g. Theology and Engineering, Friendship: From Aristotle to Facebook). If you could introduce a new course and serve as the expert instructor, what would it be and why?

Essay
This course introduces a repertoire of music genres intended principally to examine the message as well as the cultural significance infused in the lyrics of a song. As a passionate music listener with an appreciation for the meaning behind a song, I introduce Beyond the Beats-Dissecting Lyrics from Hip Hop to Post- Hardcore Rock. This course...

After edits

Manufactured to disregard the rhythmic thrumming of the bass and the drums, to ignore the pitch, timbre, and clarity of the musician's voice, this course introduces a repertoire of music genres intended principally to examine the message as well as the cultural significance infused in the lyrics of a song. As a passionate music listener with an appreciation for the meaning behind a song, I introduce Beyond the Beats-Dissecting Lyrics from Hip Hop to Post- Hardcore Rock. This curriculum encompasses the culture and background of a music group in order to derive a new prospective on their work, to deduce whether the nurture of an artist echoes through their work. Moreover, the significance of this course is to provoke student to step outside their habitual music genre and concentrate on locution, diction, tone, and modulation of a vocalist's words. Lastly, I aspire to shatter stereotypes linked to race and music preference, to make it all about the lyrics.
alexis brandon   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / The lavish malls, the trees, and the heart of culture--Rice Perspective Supplement [3]

I think back to when I was younger and I notice how my father inspired me. Remembering my childhood, I notice how my father inspired me

My family and I lived in Central New Jersey where I remember my dad waking up early every morning to take the train to New York for work. I wouldn't see him again until late at night leaving me with little time to interact with him.

Interactions with my father were sparse as my family lived in Central New Jersey and my father was employed in New York

As I look back now, I realize hard work he put in as a father to support us.
Looking back I can now appreciate the struggle and hard work my father went through to support us also who is us (your siblings, your family)

Overall, I like it, however, I was instructed by my English teacher that you should never use more then one to two dashes per paper as it becomes too much. Anyway that's up to you great job and good luck.
alexis brandon   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / Game + Golden Advertisement + Curriculum - Notre Dame [12]

I love the second one but it is far too long. Try tightening you words to shorten and try shorter sentence structures. Maybe shorten your introduction and just jump right into what you wish others would notice.

I like the personification in the first one about your mind shrieking and I can't wait give much advise on the last one it is really your call. Maybe talk about why you should be the instructor and then end with discussing why you want to teach the course.
alexis brandon   
Dec 29, 2010
Undergraduate / There's no place like homelessness--Yale Supplement [29]

Amazing essay about your experience with homelessness, you hooked me at the start and you ended with a bang. The way you describe you experience is truly in depth and you allow the reader to feel as if they were in your shoes. Again amazing job and I was glad to have the opportunity to read it.
alexis brandon   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Times have changed Notre Dame essay [13]

The Essay Question
What is one small detail in the world that you notice and wish others did, too?

My response

We are a far cry away from the time when daughters were expected to remain home from school on Mondays to assist their mothers' in washing clothes. In fact, I was unaware of how much time had changed both culturally and technologically since the turn of the last century until I spent a week immersed in the culture-attempting to bake bread, make jelly, build stools, and knit hats. The distinction between a modern rinse cycle lasting forty minutes compared to an entire day is startling. Born during the twenty-first century, I am effortlessly granted a number of amenities that were not attainable to my ancestors. This is a fact I wish others could perceive. At the turn of the last century there were no iPods or cell phones-there was scarcely even a viable vacuum cleaner. Moreover, not many individuals acknowledge that society, decades ago, was formally more family oriented in contrast to society today.

I don't much like the ending
Any help would be great

This is a second attempt that I could expand on.
Upon entering this world, each person is gifted with an abundant number of taste buds. Nonetheless, some individuals are better suited at distinguishing irregularities in the taste of a food product. This is the detail I wish others could perceive. The fact that a banana has a propensity to dominate the flavor of all other items packaged alongside it irks me and yet this alteration of taste is undetectable by others.
alexis brandon   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "carpe diem" is my motto - Stanford --Letter To Roomate. [9]

am away from home for long periods of time
will be away from home for a long period of time

I'm glad that I have someone to share this experience with and I'm excited to get to know you.

tighten this some so your ending causes the admission officer to remember you as I feel that most applicants will end their essay this way.
alexis brandon   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "A lesson at 10, Orchestra at 12.." University of Notre Dame, "morning rituals" [5]

I like this
I don't think contractions should be used, at least I was advised against it so I would say: it is six

For some reason I don't like the words spatter though maybe trickle

My morning shower provides me with a chance to purify my body, mind, and soul. Therefore, as the dirt swirls down the drain so does the toils of the previous day.

maybe not reflect on yourself so much as reflect on you actions, thinking of how you can improve as a person...

I don't know just a few suggestions

Great job, I'm still stuck on this one but please read my other essay about the small detail I wish others would notice.
Thanks
alexis brandon   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "Women and Gender Roles in Horror Media" -Notre Dame short essay answer [5]

I like it and it appeals to me not sure about what the admission officers would think as I'm not one. Though I might suggest you have a hook in the beginning rather than stating the course as I'm sure many of the people answering this prompt will begin with this course or the course. I begin mine the same way for my first draft as well and someone gave me this advise.

though I do suggest a different movie title other than I spit on your grave, just saying.
I love the ending

By discussing common tropes, such as the young teenage girl being stalked and harassed by a predatory male figure, contrasting them with more progressive portrayals of women in the genre, and critically examining current trends in horror media (particularly the resurgence of gory exploitation films such as Hostel and I Spit on Your Grave), I believe that this course would appeal to a wide variety of interests and help students become more aware of the broader social implications of their "popcorn" entertainment.

This is a long sentence you might want to think about breaking it up a bit.
Please read mine it's called: Times have changed
Thank you
alexis brandon   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "My cozy blue chair" my Notre Dame Essay and my Rochester essay [10]

The Essay Question
The Grotto is a cherished destination on Notre Dame's campus, a space that invites students and visitors to pray and take time for reflection. Do you have a place that you seek out, and what do you contemplate there?

My Essay
The sun has yet to rise and I am stationed in the cozy school library, clandestinely hidden among the maze of bookshelves. Two chairs sit idle beside each other, one a haggard looking blue bean bag chair and the other a mildly uncomfortable blue gaming chair. My nook, rooted against the emergency exit, the one that continuously blows in cold winter air, is where my thoughts consume me. I was victorious in my last tennis match, success. I have yet to paint all of my bedroom walls, failure. Can I every truly accomplish my goals? I don't know. I suppose an overall completion would depend upon whether I continuously instigate new goals. this part is a little unclear and out of place in my opinion Subsequently, gazing upward, I appraise the novels shelved above me in the young adult fiction domain-then, however, another shiver coerces me to question why I consistently forget to wear a coat.

The prompt
Meliora: 'Ever better' - The University's motto, Meliora, directs our focus toward continual improvement through research, understanding, and collaborative efforts. Offer and example from your personal experience of an obstacle you faced or a problem you identified. Describe the actions you took and the result.

My Essay
I have encountered many obstacles that have caused me to stumble, however, I have never faced such a challenge as facial recognition quizzes in my Comparative Government class. Such quizzes consisted of multiple smudged black and white photographs of representatives past and present jammed together on a page with the only instruction being to identify each blob correctly. This task might not have seemed so taxing if the only representative's I was required to know was the President and Vice President, however that was not the case. I was also required to know supplementary representatives and presidential candidates. Ultimately, to overcome my profiling challenges I not only created a powerpoint of pictures and a list of identifying features for each leader but I also consulted my teacher on my photograph choices.
alexis brandon   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Rochester Short essay 150 words edit [10]

I quite like this great job and you answered the prompt but you didn't really state a result, like did it have a negative effect. Also your essay is 50 words too long they asked for 125 words or less.
alexis brandon   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Intellectual engagement + The Common Good +Connection to place, Bowdoin Supplement [2]

On the last day of school during my sophomore year
A little wordy maybe on my last day of sophomore year
Also this is about you so say my computer science teacher gave me

handbook on it and we had to learn it by ourselves
What is it? The admission officer will want to know.

Delphi works
Delphi worked

of teaching each other
of corroboration

So we set
Therefore, we divided ourselves into groups of four

After the summer break, I told my teacher that he forgot to include the handbook ...

Not too sure if this answers the prompt completely, but I think so. I mean you did broach some topics involved in intellectual engagement.

Mind reading mine? The cozy blue chair one
alexis brandon   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Rochester Short essay 150 words edit [10]

The Essay Question
The Rochester Curriculum - University of Rochester students enroll with no required subjects as they design their own college path. Write about the subjects and learning situations that interest you most, and how you intend to use your autonomy here.

My response
As I matured, I was perpetually asked "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Despite the monotony of the inquiry, I always enthusiastically set about describing my prospective career path. As to be expected, my response varied numerous times over the years, but now I aspire to be a gesticulating psychologist in Congress. Consequently, I believe the University of Rochester is the perfect medium to implementing my uniquely designed career objective as I intend to capitalize on my autonomy by triple majoring in American Sign Language, Political Science, and Psychology. Moreover, Rochester warrants me the ability to carry out with my educational desires and research without drastically exaggerating my college career as there is not a core curriculum.

Do you think it needs more? Does it follow the prompt?

The Essay Question
Meliora: 'Ever better' - The University's motto, Meliora, directs our focus toward continual improvement through research, understanding, and collaborative efforts. Offer and example from your personal experience of an obstacle you faced or a problem you identified. Describe the actions you took and the result.

My response

Hu Jintao, Mahmoud Ahmajinedad, Vladimir Lenin, Mikhail Gorbachev-I furiously scribbled the nomenclature of country leaders in the margin of my page until I realized I could not accurately match a face to each name. I sat idle; the quiz consisted of multiple smudged black and white photographs jammed together on a page with the only instruction being to identify each blob correctly. I admitted defeat, and I turned in my jumbled work. Nonetheless, unhappy with my profiling skills, I approached my teacher for assistance. After attempting copious methods of memorizing countenances, I ultimately achieved success. By creating a PowerPoint presentation with pictures and identifying features for each leader I can adroitly identify Hu Jintao by his wire rimmed glasses and Lenin by his moustache goatee. Facial recognition assessments no longer hinder me.

I promise to read your essay if you read mine. Tell me what you think. Harsh words are much appreciated
alexis brandon   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "returning to my life of academia" - Rochester curriculum 150 words [26]

due to their variability in topics and the ability to use either subject to explain every concept known to man.

for some reason this does not make since to me I feel like the thought is not complete. Maybe it is just too wordy

these subject areas through access to renowned educators
both of these subject areas while linking me to renowned educators...

plenty of research to get involved in
plenty of research opportunities (I don't think you should end a sentence with a preposition)

I like this one better.
alexis brandon   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / Game + Golden Advertisement + Curriculum - Notre Dame [12]

1st Essay
"Don't miss the ball" my mind shrieks at me

"How will traffic be on the way home?" The ball bounces.
Sounds strange maybe--will there be traffic on the way home?

2nd Essay
After the previews have begun, (I don't think this line is needed)

that one would think unnecessary in an industry that makes over ten billion dollars a year, (I don't think this line is needed either)

also answer (change to say should state which arm rest...)

3rd Essay
in recent years; piracy
Stealing has evolved from elaborately planned heist to becoming a daily occurrencesfor some.

Art --art heist
This course covers the famous Art heist such asof the Mona Lisa and The Scream,as well asto the history of pirates from Captain Hook to Thomas Tew.

to this level? --might want to reword to make the ending more powerful
alexis brandon   
Dec 30, 2010
Undergraduate / "My Grotto" - ND supplement essays [4]

Though not particularly exclusive to Notre Dame, the university grants my wishes with a top-notch engineering program, but its diverse curriculum still has the strength to support a potential change in prospective majors.

You might want to change that last sentence a college does not want to be told that they are not different from others.

Also divide up the sentence you jump from one thing to another and it does not fit. Tighten these essays and you should be fine

Please read mine
alexis brandon   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / Times have changed Notre Dame essay [13]

Moreover, not many individuals acknowledge that society, decades ago, was formally more family oriented in contrast to society today.

for some reason this sentence seems odd to me. Help
alexis brandon   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / "Cheerleading has helped me" - Notre Dame Supplement [21]

I went from being afraid to perform stunts, to actually enjoying the exhilarating feeling flying through the air creates. Additionally, my ability to follow rhythms allowed me to excel at the dance routines, facilitating my advancement in cheerleading.

I went from a fear of performing stunts to enjoying the exhilarating feeling of flying through the air.

My advancement in cheerleading was caused by my ability to follow rhythms.
alexis brandon   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / My journey to Northwestern (Psychology and Law and Psychology and Health) [12]

My response

Coasting down the highway, it was mid-February and school was out for a six day break. Eager to reach my destination, I began my excursion from Atlanta to Evanston, relishing in every mile gained along the boundless highway. 734 miles separated me from Northwestern University's beautiful snow covered, suburban campus. On the second day of my journey, I reached Chicago's metropolitan area and upon spotting the famous museums and attractions I was jolted from my haze of worn cement and white lines. "Yes," I exclaimed, fishing through the depth of my bag to find directions to navigate the unfamiliar streets of Chicago.

Eventually, I reached Evanston-Wildcat territory. As a high school junior, one individual among a mass of prospective students, I hoped to obtain information about the curriculum offered at Northwestern. However, I acquired so much more. During the information session, as an admissions representative described the schools that make up Northwestern, I resolved to spend my next four years wearing Northwestern purple and exploring my passions for Political Science and Psychology in the Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences. Subsequently, I became captivated by the benefits of the quarter system, an unheard of approach to the academic calendar to me. Nevertheless, the quarter system, granting the ability to focus on courses in quarters rather than having to juggle five to six classes a semester, quickly became an asset in my college search. Moreover, I perceived the quarter system to be a medium for autonomy as well as a benefit to students interested in double majoring.

At the session's close, my curiosity drew me towards a mass of purple and white information sheets. Among these pages two headings caught my attention: Psychology and Law and Psychology and Health Professions. Contemplating both law and medicine as future professions, I became curious to learn how Northwestern linked these academic disciplines, so to quell my inquiring mind I collected a copy of both sheets and joined the campus tour. The tour guide's reverence when elaborating on the campus traditions of painting the rock, "Dillo Day" and NUDM compelled me to want to take part in tradition, or even initiate one of my own. Therefore, as my feet crunched against the snow, I imagined myself as a Northwestern undergraduate achieving academic success, engaging in revolutionary research, studying abroad, living in themed housing, and attending football games. I imagined myself as a Wildcat.

Please Help, I know some of it is awkward. Rip it apart if need be. Also I promise to read your essay
alexis brandon   
Dec 31, 2010
Undergraduate / IM TAKING HOMER SIMPSON TO CONGRESS (opportunity to bring any person) [2]

I like the concept of this essay, but I don't understand how congress is a special place for you unless you parent is a member of it or something. Also your paragraph is only two sentences. You might want to replace some of those commas for periods.

I would bring Homer Simpson to Congress. --great hook it makes me want to keep reading

His presence would cause hysteria, however, perhaps his hijinks could convince our representatives...

there is a virtue in being professional, we are all human and that they could all have an outburst of laughter together as a homogeneous legislative body

You might want to do some rewording here as I think you can make this essay stronger

Will you please read my northwestern essay?
alexis brandon   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "I play Classical music on the piano" - MIT - What do you do for the pleasure of it? [7]

Playing the piano is quite a common practice and therefore I believe it would be very difficult to make a short essay about it compelling.

On the other hand is there nothing else you do for pleasure?

The characteristic tones of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata and Mozart's Requiem allow the worries to seep from my mind. After a hard day at school there is nothing more tranquil than sitting on my piano bench...

Otherwise just try to have an interesting beginning and end and try to think of other things you do for pleasure be it swim, play golf, read a book. Anything.

Though I do think with some editing that you can make your piano tales more interesting. Good luck
alexis brandon   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / "March to the Beat of your own drum" -Wake Forest short essay [4]

The Prompt
As a part of 2010 Wake Forest orientation, the freshman class examined The Andes of Ecuador, a painting by Frederic Church. Next year what work of visual or performing art should the incoming class analyze? Why?

My response

Undeterred by spartan surroundings, an elderly man exudes warmth as he instructs a young boy in playing the banjo. Portraying African-American culture in an unprecedented perspective, Henry Tanner's painting; The Banjo Lesson was revolutionary for shattering the stereotypes surrounding a culture. As an innovative dreamer, Tanner, despite adversity evoked compassion by capturing the innocence of a child, portraying their innate determination to learn.

This painting warrants acknowledgement as there is something to be learned from a banjo player. Reaching beyond the canvas, students can discover that motivation drives creativity. Tanner desired to augment society's perception of a culture and he succeeded. Moreover, one can discover that it is acceptable to "march to the beat of your own drum," to be innovative.

Any more advice on why the next class should analyze it? Any suggestions are helpful as I feel like I have not expressed enough reasons. Thank you

Also I will read your essay
alexis brandon   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Groggily walking towards the kitchen, I begin my daily routine - Wake Forest [5]

I like it but it does not seem like something that would outrage you it more seems like a mild disappointment. It's kind of like oh no someone scuffed my shoes. You might be mad for a while but then you clean them and it just goes away. Maybe you should choose a situation that is not as easily solved.
alexis brandon   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Hunger occurs all over, volunteering -Wake Forest short essay [2]

The prompt
What outrages you? What are you doing about it?

My response
Advertisements yank at the heartstrings of America's public by portraying the angelic face of a malnourished child abroad. Donate money to stop the war in Darfur, help stop hunger in Africa! Multiple compassionate individuals are willing to hand out money to these worthy causes, and yet they have no problem walking past the man on the corner asking "can you spare a dollar?" Also, what becomes of the undernourished family forced to consume McDonald's everyday because it is the most economical option? These are the things that outrage me. How can a humanitarian society turn a blind eye to the suffering around them while helping another with the same needs? Why are people willing to attend a benefit concert rather than volunteer at the local homeless shelter? Can we not solve problems occurring at home and overseas? Nonetheless, what am I going to do about the issues? Well, I'm going to volunteer at the local shelter and try to stop hunger one peanut butter and jelly sandwich at a time.

Comments?
alexis brandon   
Jan 1, 2011
Essays / Help with psychology essay: the information and sensitivity criteria [5]

(Criminal psychology) What happened to the upstanding citizens? Wake Forest

The Prompt
Think about your academic passion. Design your ideal seminar class in the context of a liberal arts curriculum.

My idea
Criminal psychology: from Voldemort to John Wayne Gacey, Ted Bundy and Sam Berkowitz
What happened to the previously upstanding citizens in their community?

By the way I want to study psychology and political science in college. Do you think this class is okay?
alexis brandon   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / I wish I knew -Wake Forest short essay [2]

The prompt
I wish I knew...

My Essay

Dressed in my Sunday's best I padded down the aisle, mindlessly walking toward my customary seat. Sitting among the mass of Sunday regulars all I heard was booming silence. Looking around, I noticed the steadily moving mouths of the choir and the clapping of the congregation, but I was stagnant. Stationed in my pew, I wrinkled my brow. After countless sermons spanned across seventeen years, I had my first religious question. Not wanting to disturb anyone else, I opened the red leather bound book in front of me in an attempt to quell my inquiring mind. However, after scouring the pages my question was still left unanswered. I was confused. I sat, contemplating this uncertainty until my mother tapped my shoulder, an indication that it was time to leave. Gazing upward to acknowledge her, the words spewed from my mouth, "what is Satan's middle name?"
alexis brandon   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / Fight for the cure- Wake Forest short essay [2]

What idea most challenges you

Wandering through the crowded mall corridors I heard a disembodied voice roar, "The iPhone 5 is set to launch this July." Turing my head to identify the shouting culprit, I watched other bystanders do the same. Nonetheless, unable to uncover who released the excited squeal, I allowed my feet to guide my path once again. However, I had only traveled a few paces before a woman scoffed, "technology" as she turned to leave. Gazing at this stranger, I wondered why she expressed such contempt for technology. This unknown woman compelled me to question the very life force for society's teenagers, technology, by uttering one word and the wearing a Fight for the Cure t-shirt. I began to question how advancements in technology can constantly be achieved but there still be no cure for cancer.

I really need help on this as I don't like it much and ideas on how to make it better?
alexis brandon   
Jan 1, 2011
Undergraduate / My childhood innocence- Wake Forest short essay [3]

The prompt
Describe the culture in which you grew up. What are its strengths and weaknesses?


My childhood was a time when all of my artwork was beautiful enough to be displayed in a gallery-the refrigerator. My biggest concerns were making sure my tooth was stationed perfectly beneath my pillow, learning to ride a bike without training wheels, falling asleep before Santa arrived, and organizing my beanie baby collection by name and birthday.

My innocence cultivated me and taught me morals; however, it was also the source of a later feeling of dejection. Moreover, I learned perseverance from riding my bike, continuously hoping back on after every fall, and I laid the ground work for organization while trifling with my plush toy animals. However, my childhood innocence never prepared me for the discovery that reindeer could not fly or the fact that my mother was played the role of both Santa and the Tooth Fairy.

please help, I hate it.
alexis brandon   
Jan 2, 2011
Undergraduate / Two types of people in the world UChicago Essay [7]

The Prompt
Essay Option 2. Dog and Cat. Coffee and Tea. Great Gatsby and Catcher in the Rye. Everyone knows there are two types of people in the world. What are they?

My response

The holidays are rapidly approaching, causing mass hysteria to sweep the nation. Christmas shoppers trample through stores, rummaging for last minute presents, and families prepare for the annual excursion to see grandma and grandpa.

Rushing through the congested terminals, a bag of presents secured perilously under one arm, parents drag their children through the masses. Approaching the seemingly limitless line of the security check point, people find themselves wondering, "How in the world did I believe that arriving two hours early would give me enough time to reach concourse E." After waiting to transcend through the checkpoint, your turn approaches and you pray not to be among the unlucky individuals asked to step aside for further inspection. As luck would have it-you are chosen.

Finally, upon reaching a wasteland of occupied chairs you collapse into the first vacant seat. After settling your raging heart, you peer out the wall length windows and watch as airport employees carelessly toss luggage into the belly of the plane. You find yourself wondering if the bag that missed and went tumbling toward to the Earth was yours. Then, dampening the Christmas cheer, a disembodied voice crackles through the intercom saying, "Ho Ho Ho, Happy Holidays Christmas travelers it is with genuine regret that I must announce that due to temperamental weather conditions all flights are grounded until further notice." A disgruntled groan escapes the lips of every individual before they race to claim a hard backed chair as if the music had just stopped in a game of musical chairs. Two hours later, hunger grips your stomach and you resign to relinquishing your seat to purchase the overpriced fast food the airport offers.

An hour passes and flights are set to take off once again. Entering the compact space of the plane, you walk towards your aisle seat and drift through the air for the next two hours, with your ears continuously popping. The pilot's voice reverberates through the plane, "Folks, we have begun our decent into White Plains and the current temperature is 32 degrees Fahrenheit, so will passengers fasten in their seatbelts, turn off their electronic devices, and lift up their tray tables." Ultimately, you arrive at your destination jet lagged and late.

Comparatively, there are the individuals who choose to drive to their Christmas destination. Calling the every Enterprise, Hertz, Avis, and U-haul in a 20 mile radius and they discover that a vacant car is non-existent. Therefore, a thousand miles must be put on the family vehicle. Departing during rush hour, they are trapped, inching their way toward their destination. A 16 hour drive just became that much longer and every mile gained is as exciting as winning the lottery. All but stagnant, they hope to get stuck behind a minivan in order to entertain themselves with the movie playing in the backseat.

Around the third time hitting traffic, driving no longer seems like the economical choice for large families or people who developed aviophobia after September 11, 2001. Stops are only allowed in large towns and then only for gas, coffee, and bathroom breaks, therefore, rest stops become novelties and a place to stretch your legs before riding between the white lines once again. After 18 hours, six stops, an empty cooler, and a tired driver you have reached your destination.

There are two types of people in the world: people who prefer to travel by car and people who prefer to travel by plane.

Any comments are helpful. Rip it apart if need be. Also I will read your essays.
Do you think I need to include a paragraph about which type of person I am? Also can someone please help me get rid of the word you in this essay. Thanks


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