Writing Feedback / People care too much about their appearance than before. Do you agree? [6]

In this modern society, it seems to be strange not to have a taste of fashion. That's why people now take great care of their look. Proper and good appearance is necessary not only for work and business, but also for daily meetings and communications. It gives people the first impression about one's personality. However, more and more people tend to take excessive care of their appearances.

Firstly, people's heavy emphasis on their appearances is due to the wide availability of shopping malls and fashion centers. During the time when the world is enjoying the fruit of rapid economic growth, fashion boutiques and shops are ubiquitous to cater for the people of all ages. Women and teen girls, especially, shop all days long. To them, it seems to be a must to keep up with the latest fashion trends. No doubt, clothes nowadays are no longer basic necessities but interests, which drive them mad. They shop and shop until they are on the verge of bankruptcy.

Secondly, mass media is also a significant contributor to this lifestyle. As television, magazines and Internet present a huge number of celebrities with dreamlike appearance; people are not able to resist the desire to look better. In addition, with vouchers and discount available in shopping and beauty centre, people are more tempted to enhance their beauty. Sometimes, love affair is involved. For instance, in order to attract a girl, the boy can try to look as cool as her male idol. Nevertheless, in some cases, the problem becomes more serious when people spend too much time on their appearance that they ignore the other important things in their lives.

On the other hand, there are also plausible arguments in favor of the opinion that people's care on their appearance do not change at all. Since long ago, appearance has played an important role in one's success besides his/her ability and talent. However, for the purpose of looking good and proper for work, meeting and so on, neatly dressing in formal attire will do. Then, what are plastic surgeries and strict diets for? The answer is that people are obsessed with their appearance. With the striking development of technology and medical methods, numbers of people seeking plastic surgeries soar dramatically in recent years. While the better-off go for expensive plastic surgeries, the worse-off will come to the cheaper ones or go on a strict diet. However, all those methods just bring them more harm than good. Permanent scars and retorted faces after the wrong-going surgery and serious malnutrition and even death after the diets are the common consequences. What is more noticeable is that not only women but also men madly do plastic surgeries for a better look.

All in all, I am strongly convinced that people now care too much about their appearance. They waste their time; even risk their lives just for a stunning look. There are more important things in our lives that deserve more of our care, and appearance is just one of them.

Writing Feedback / O Level essay: Animals and birds should never be kept in cages. What's your opinion? [6]

Animals and birds should never be kept in cages. What's your opinion?

Animal welfare has become a hot topic in recent years. Animal lovers have raised their voices many times to defend for the rights of their loved ones. The act of using animals as a commodity for human's purposes has been strongly criticized. Keeping them in cages is also included. While supporters believe that animals and birds should never be caged, I oppose that sometimes animals and birds should be caged for the following reasons.

Firstly, animals and birds bring considerable medical benefits such as bear gall and bird nest. According to scientists, bear bile contains ursodeoxycholic acid, which is believed to reduce fever, protect the liver, improve eyesight and break down gall stones. Meanwhile, edible bird nest is known to have anti-aging and immune-enhancing properties. Therefore, in such cases, they should be caged for experiments and researches, which then contribute to the medical development of mankind.

Secondly, captivity virtually brings them necessary safety at times as some kinds of birds will be protected from their predators once they are in cages. For instance, the baby birds can be easily killed by only one swift bite of the pet dogs, especially in spring and summer. To add on, red and gray squirrels are considered a great menace to the bird houses and the birds themselves. In the case of the chicken, some should be caged so that their eggs can be controlled for agricultural activities. Occasionally, when bird flu is widespread, chicken must be caged so that the disease can be managed so that no serious social impact will result.

On the other hand, the defenders argue that animals and birds should be given freedom. Cages will deprive them of their instinct features. They are unable to move about to search for the food and drink, create their own shelters and enjoy playing in their territories. All they do is sitting in the cages and eating the manufactured food their masters bring. For example, domesticated dogs become less aggressive and less skillful at hunting compared to the wild dogs in the forests. However, the dangerous animals and birds cannot be let free as they are likely to harm the people and other species that they encounter. Since man recently destroyed a vast amount of forests, some kinds like tigers, lions, elephants and so on lost their habitats. As a result, they roam and run around, even into the residential areas and threaten mankind. A typical example is the case of a wild elephant killing a young male adult in Dong Nai, Viet Nam, which aroused apprehension in Vietnamese community. Therefore, keeping these animals in cages is for the sake of their survival as well as the other's safety.

In conclusion, I think that animals and birds naturally should be let free except for the cases I just explained above. It is not that they should never be kept in cages, but that sometimes they have to be caged.

Writing Feedback / O level essay: School uniform- sense of identity and good discipline [3]

Topic: It is said that school uniform gives pupils a sense of identity and encourages good discipline. Do you agree?

"Uniform is boring!", "Uniform is unnecessary!"," School can still do well without uniform!". Those complaints about school uniform have become a familiar refrain. Even so, fully scrutinizing the scope of the problem, we can see that the benefits of the uniform actually outweigh its minor inconvenience. To tell the truth, uniform does more than just making students look alike. But in what ways? The following reasons will ascertain the doubts.

First of all, uniform inculcate a sense of identity in students by developing the ambassadorship. Wearing the uniform, students are representatives of the school's image. By looking at the uniform, people will be able to know what school one is from, hence, somehow judge the school through one's demeanor. Furthermore, in uniform, everyone is equal, thus, students will respect one another and regard each individual as a valued member of the school. In any occasion of inter-school competitions, uniform distinguish students of one school from another. As a result, school unity and team spirit are preserved.

Secondly, strong discipline is also enforced on account of uniform. Owing to increasing peer pressure, students nowadays are likely to assess each other by clothes and appearances. In general, nerds, who are made fun of their look, feel embarrassed and discouraged in school, which results in decline of their academic performances. Hence, uniform helps to decrease bully and tease. Moreover, as students learn to respect each other, rules and regulations are tightened. To add on, uniform frees students from morning hassle of rummaging their wardrobes looking for clothes, which somehow contribute to their punctuality.

On the other hand, objectors of school uniform argue that uniform kills creativity and individuality as students are not able to express themselves. As they have to wear the same outfits every weekday, they do not have to make a choice on their clothes. Thus, they have no opportunities to manifest their artistic fashion tastes and styles. However, school is not a fashion show but an education institution. Is there a need to express one's self in the school while the main purpose of education is to prepare one with knowledge and skills for future career? In addition, creativity is not killed but encouraged. Fashion is not the only way to develop it. In fact, during activities in math and science classes, their inventiveness and imagination are further facilitated. On top of that, since students stop judge other's by clothes, they tend to be more open and make friends with different personalities. Therefore, the materialism can somehow be minimized. Students will learn to appreciate the real spiritual values, which is essentially in our modern society where standard of morality seems to be dropping.

Summing up, uniform should be implemented in school as it imparts loyalty to the school in students as well as put them on their best behavior.

This is one of my assignments. Actually, I have read some of the essays on the forum for some referrence. The idea of "School is not a fashion show" engaged me a lot, so I include it in.

Please make correction and leave your comments. Thanks:P

Writing Feedback / O level narrative:an attempt to help led to unexpected consequences for the helper. [2]

Write about an occasion when an attempt to help led to unexpected consequences for the helper.

Cook woke up and found himself lying in the corner of a valley. As he looked around, he realized that his body was full of blood which seemed to come out from a deep wound in his thigh. "Where am I?" he asked himself. As the wound got worse, he felt dizzy, and could not think of any reasons why he was there. "I need to go to the hospital first", he thought, "but where is my motorbike?" At the reminder of the motorbike, he was able to recall what had happened.

It was a sun-splashed afternoon when he decided to try out his newly-bought motorcycle. "It's worth having spent one billion for this latest Dylan", he thought while he was enjoying the feeling of racing off down the road. When he turned at the corner of this BR desert street, a young lady with a worried expression on her face came running to him for help.

"Could you please take me to the PS hospital, my mother is dying", she said in baited breath.
"I received the news just now. But I couldn't get a taxi.", she choked in anxiety.
"Could you please...?", she continued as her tears started to well up her eyes.
Being a sentimental young man, Cook could not help looking at that unfortunate woman. Sympathy flooded him. "What a pity lady!". In a hurried manner, Cook helped the woman get on the motorbike, and sped up towards the hospital.

As they reached the church, which were only a short distance from the hospital, the lady asked him to turn right, which was the opposite direction.

He questioned in surprise" Maybe you are too anxious that you forgot the road already. The hospital is..."
Did not wait for Cook to complete his sentences, the spiteful girl had already drawn out the knife and pressed it against his back." Shut up and drive!"

It was too late for Cook to acknowledge that he had been fell into the trap of a sly ogre.
Trembling with fright, he stuttered" W-w-who a-a-are y-you? W-w-where a-are w-we g-going now?
"Shut up and drive. Did you hear me? Stop only when I told you to", she replied with a malicious smile behind his back.

They drove for a little while until they were stopped by two other gangsters on a THK1 motorcycle. Seeing that three of them were a gang, Cook intended to fight against and escape. Nonetheless, before Cook could even raise his fist, one of the two, as quick as a cricket, gave him a shot in his thigh. Cook fell on his back with all fours in the air onto the ground. As he laid half-conscious, he heard them.

"Drag this stupid grit into the valley over there, then we leave." demanded a hoarse voice.
Not until he woke up, had he known anything else.

Cook was now blaming himself of his stupidity." I would have known that she lied. Never listen to strangers. How many times did mother say that to me? Am I duller than a kid?"

"Aghhhhhhhhhhhh. I am so stupid". He shouted in regret and pain.

This essay is due on this Friday, please help.
Can you rank me upon 100? Am I able to get 70?
All comments and corrections are much appreciated.
Thank you.

Writing Feedback / Olevel: Internet/Computer harm or not? [8]

Some people say that the Internet does more harm than good. What is your view?

To majority of teenagers and working adults, the Internet has been regarded as one the most innovative achievements of humankind. Since the Internet was invented, many factors of people's daily lives have been greatly improved such as communication, trade, researches and so on. Besides, there also appeared the bane effects that the Internet has brought about like pornography and hackers. However, I strongly believe that Internet does more good than harm for the various reasons.

First of all, communication all over the world has been considerably improved thanks to the Internet. With the widespread availability of messengers and social networks like Yahoo and Face book, people can easily communicate irrespective of their geographic locations. Moreover, communication through the Internet is much cheaper and more convenient than via telephone. In addition, the tool like Skype allows netizen to see each others' faces while chatting, which is vastly preferred by majority of users. Furthermore, this means of communication is also applies to the business contact. In case of flight delay, for example, the CEO cannot come back on time for the meeting; the company may have the discussion online.

Secondly, the Internet is one of the key contributors to the Global free trade. When the transnational corporations want to open business in the other countries, they first have to contact partners in those countries before officially making a deal. In such case, the Internet certainly does a great job. The same benefits are applied to people's daily lives. With the omnipresence of online shops, many people are able to save their precious time shopping. Instead, they have more time to do other important things such as helping their children do homework or having a short visit to their parents' house.

On the other hand, objectors of the Internet argue that it spoils the young generation by spreading pornography and violence, which is considered rampant nowadays. There is no doubt that pornographic websites and violence videos are ubiquitous online, but whether the young is spoilt by it depends on the young themselves. Owing to the continual warning of using the Internet on many cyber education programs, the youths are supposed to know about all the boon and bane effect of surfing webs. Thus, once they have heightened awareness, there is likelihood that they will not be attacked by cyber hackers. What is more I that there is a variety of information for their researches on line. Instead of spending hours of flipping over hundreds of books in the libraries, one may easily obtain necessary documentation within a second of mouse click.

Similar to any other technological inventions, the Internet has both pros and cons; nonetheless, its benefits far outweigh its harms. With recent upgrading Internet security software and substantial improvements on its use, I am firmly convinced the Internet is more a blessing than a curse.

Can you please rank me upon 100? Am I able to get 75?

Writing Feedback / O level: teenage love with study and emotional development [3]

It is said that romantic relationship distracts teenagers from their study and cause unnecessary emotional stress. Do you agree?

As the society progresses, a variety of social issues also arises to be face by the whole population. Among those, adolescent affairs have garnered for itself quite a number of concerns as there is so much hope and belief put into the young generation. However, it seems that the bane effects are highly to be signaled than the boon ones ad teenage love appears to bring more harm than good.

First and foremost, those kinds of romantic relationships distract teenagers from their study due to time constraints. Unlike the free agents with a bunch of time for study and references, for teenage lovers, a considerable amount of time should be set aside for regular dating. As the couples fall in love for the first time, they tend to relish the moments being together, which further extends the wasting time. Furthermore, it would not be quick to do preparation for those important events since rummaging through the entire wardrobe for a nice outfit and double check it in the mirror may take the whole morning or so.

Secondly, most of them encounter difficulties in concentrating on their study as their minds are occupied with unnecessary thoughts and memories. For instance, a romantic dinner with boyfriend might bring the girl on cloud night for the whole week afterwards. How can lectures and tutorials' lessons enter her mind when all her thoughts are flooded with love? The wreck havoc in grades would be resulted unsurprisingly. Apart from that, pressures from partners' demand also stress the adolescents. For examples, a sudden cal from girlfriend asking for some consolation may cause one to postpone his revision plan.

On the other hand, there are plausible arguments in favor of teenage affair that a number of students who are in relationship can still achieve excellent performances in schools. That is because they appropriately balanced the time for study and love. They spend lesser time on study, but they spent it more effectively. Moreover, some couples actually support each other's study, resulting in their academic excellence. However, how many are like those and how many are not? The answer is "a few" and "a lot" respectively. To add on, the majority of them tend to suffer from unnecessary emotional stress. Owing to the immaturity and lack of experience, first love, more or less, arouses anxiety and worry. Love is give and take. One cannot expect happiness all the time. Quarrels and arguments are unavoidable. Therefore, the teenagers frequently fall into depression and disappointments.

To sum up, I strongly believe that teenage love is more a burden than a driving force for their study and psychological development. Love is a great thing, nevertheless, should be started at an appropriate age.

Please rank me upon 100.Thanks

Writing Feedback / O level: cloning is a science disaster to come. DYA? [6]

Cloning is a science disaster waiting to happen. Do you agree?

It is certainly common that human beings are able to photocopy documentation, clothes, furniture and so on. Lately, genetic engineering introduced has been able to produce identical plants in large numbers? How about photocopying animals and human themselves? It sounds impossible; however, outstandingly intelligent creature like human always seems to have the answer for every puzzle. Therefore, cloning is invented and once regarded by some as a brilliant achievement of medical technology. Nevertheless, scrutinizing thoroughly the scope of the matter, I am convinced that cloning is a science disaster waiting to happen.

First and foremost, cloning happens to be unethical and uncertain. When does the life begin? Is that when the embryo is formed? The majority of people perhaps will say yes. Once life is considered to begin with fertilization, cloning occurs to be an inhumane act already. During the process of cloning, scientist will choose valuable sperm cell and destroy the embryo. While the cloning of Dolly the sheep is a successful story, many embryos had been destroyed along the way before the most desired one was resulted. In cloning Dolly the sheep, 277 eggs were used, but Dolly is the single successful outcome. Moreover, the dignity of the embryo is not appreciated as the scientists used them like a tool for experiments and then throw them away afterwards. Therefore, cloning is immoral and against human dignity.

Secondly, cloning poses a great threat for the diversity and evolution of humankind. As cloning is an asexually reproductive process, the off springs are genetically identical to the parent. Therefore, there is no genetic variation and diversity as two parents is not required. When there is no combination of genes, the chances of survival of the child is decreased. Thus, diseases are easily spread. That is also why the law forbids the marriage as well as sexual relationship between members of a family or relatives within three generations. In addition, cloned baby is not born by natured, which have something to do with the evolution. Are human allowed to play God and take control of the evolutional process?

In contrary, supporters of cloning argue that the medical benefits that cloning brings about cannot be ignored. With the invention of cloning, patients who cannot find a donor are still able to survive as cloning can produce an identical copy of the injured organs. Nonetheless, the potential abuse will likely to happen as a result. When injured people can replaced their destroyed organs with the identical ones, other people can also substitute their undesired body parts with other perfect ones. In other words, cloning can be seen as a more developed type plastic surgery. With cloning, people are able to slow down their aging process as the old body parts can be cloned and transplanted into their bodies. Hence, they can renew themselves, and live up to desired age. Conversely, this potential reverse aging process will come with string attached of many social problems. The world now is already overpopulated. While the government of some countries is trying to implement population policies, what is the point of slowing down aging process? Moreover, in some regions with aging population problems, there is already insufficient number of young people working to support the increasing number of the elderly. Indeed, cloning is impractical to certain extent.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that cloning is imminent tragedy to the future of human race as the detriments far outweigh the benefits.

Your comments and suggestions are much appreciated
Please rank me upon 100. Thanks

Writing Feedback / O level: Leadership. Necessiity of nurturing leadership in everyone [3]

Leadership

Leadership is defined as an ability to organize a group of people to achieve a common goal. While many schools and educational institutions strongly emphasize on the importance of nurturing leadership in students, some students complain about the redundancy of it. Nevertheless, I am convinced that it is necessary to nurture leadership in everyone.

First and foremost, leadership is not merely about leading other people. By participating in leadership programs arranged by schools or community services, a student is likely to form excellent characters. For instance, by guiding the fellow students in an activity, the student is able to develop better interpersonal skills and confidence in communication. Moreover, holding a leadership position may put off the fear of burden and responsibility in students, preparing them to be responsible citizens in the future. Therefore, though one may not aim for career of authority, those characters are also essential in modern working environment.

Furthermore, as our society progresses, a lot of movements need to be done for the countries' development. Those movements acquire the combined unity of every working groups, companies and organizations. Therefore, the governments aim to nurture a generation of professional workers so as to attract investment as well as boost local productivity. In a professional worker, leadership is crucial. In fact, leadership is about inspiring, motivating and encouraging each others to work towards a common goal. So, it needs not to be the leader who do all those psychological support. Every member of the group should hearten and awaken the passion for work in each others. Thus, leadership is a significant contributor to the success

On the other hand, there are also plausible arguments in favor of the opinion that nurturing leadership is unnecessary as not everyone is a leader. Why waste time participating in those pointless leadership programs when one is unwilling to be trained and does not aim for leadership position? When everyone is prepared to be a leader, then who will be led. Admittedly, not everyone can be a leader, but not everyone can be a follower as well. Besides, a number of psychologists believe that leadership is potential in each individual. Although some people were born with leadership endowment, the majority of the people in authority have been through a process of training during their school time such as CEOs courses and management courses. When a person has a possibility to become a leader, why do not give him a chance to exercise his hidden talent. Although, it cannot be ensured that anyone going through the leadership training programs in schools or elsewhere will be able to obtain careers in authority, trial is not really redundant. Indeed, schools should continue to enhance the leadership programs to nurture the potential ability in each student.

To sum up, I strongly believe that it is necessary to nurture leadership in schools for a generation of multi-talented and responsible workforce is vital to ensure the country's economic stability in this turbulent period.

This is an one word topic and I tried to approach it as an argumentitive essay.
Commmets and suggestions are much appreciated.
Please rank me upon 100. I am doing O level this year.
Thanks :D

Writing Feedback / O level: Children today have no proper childhood [7]

Children today have no proper childhood. Do you agree?

According to the majority of the scientists, childhood is considered a crucial stage of a person's development. This is when one starts to form specific characters as well as physical and mental strength. A child with a proper childhood is often carefree, innocent, playful, active and well-cared by parents. However, children today suffer from intensive schoolwork, family pressure and mass media influence, which deprive them of proper childhood.

The fact that children today are inundated with a myriad of homework is undeniable. The scene of a primary one students going for several tuitions and a primary five doing homework for several hours appeare to be unsurprisingly common. Consequently, the overloaded schoolwork has left the children with little free time for outdoor activities and family outings. As a result, they become less active and playful due to the large amount of time spending on the desks. Also, the distance between them and their families is further widened, which may exert a considerable impact on their psychological growth.

Another trouble that children face today is the parental pressure. With the rising academic standard and competitiveness, children are compelled to study much harder in order to be parallel with peers, thus, meeting the parents' high expectations. Worse, the examinations have instilled fear into a big number of children, putting them in constant emotional stresses, which are proved to do no good to their mental health. Accordingly, they can no longer be carefree and relaxed as they are supposed to be. More alarmingly, there are cases when children were so stressed that they even cried after an exam with the angst of being scolded for poor results. Such situations have certainly raised some concern about the way children are growing up these days.

On the other hand, many adults argue that children today have a much more proper childhood than theirs owing to the availability of various necessities. Compared to the adults' childhood, children now receive more sufficient nutrition for their physical growths as well as more adequate supply for their education and recreation. Some tens of years ago, a classroom with proper desks and chairs, visualizers or projectors; computer labs or sports halls were something that children at that time only dared to dream of.

However, those arguments only take in to account only the material rather than spiritual comforts. What deserves urgent consideration is the emotional and psychological nurture that children are devoid of. We seem to be observing the decreasing number of truly innocent children. In other words, children's minds are corrupted by the influence of the mass media. In truth, they are exposed to a wide variety of things that offer to adults like sex and alcohol. Take China for example, many young ten-year-old girls are already expert in putting on make-up and adopting seducing poses. Some actually involve in sex scandals and alcohol addictions. Noting that such cases are the minority, still, that online revelation came as a terrible shock to the public.

Indeed, children today have no proper childhood as a result of nervous tension and media manipulation. Should this situation persist, there may come a generation of adults with incomplete psychological development. Therefore, something must be done to the upbringing of the children before it is too late.

I have a big problem with my expressions. Please read and correct mine.
Any suggestions to improve my points are much appreciated.
Thank you very much.

Writing Feedback / O level: The importance of sports event in Singpapore school [5]

How important are sports events compared to other activities that take place in Singapore schools?

Regular inter-school sports competitions and Singapore's recent hosting of Youth Olympic Game have highlighted the significance of sports events in Singapore schools. Sports offer students opportunities for not only fitness and enjoyment but also character development as well as life and moral values. Sports, thus, are crucial component of education beside the other events such as art festivals and leadership training programs.

To begin with, sports play a critical role in the holistic education which aims to establish and strengthen the links between physical activities and other academic performances. Regular indulging in sports helps in keeping one's immune system strong, thus, reducing the possibility of contracting certain type of illnesses. On top of that, frequent exercises during training keep one in a good shape by strengthening and toning muscles and bones in the body.

Importantly, youths pick up a great deal of moral values through sports and sportsmanship. First and foremost, students learn to obey the rules and regulations of the games they play as well as to respect coaches, instructors, teammates and even the opponents. In most of the inter-school matches in Singapore, both teams shake hands and encourage each others before and after the matches no matter who won or who lost. Moreover, the morality in sports lies in the idea of fairness. Students are also taught to never pursue victory at the expense of breaking rules or injuring others.

To add on, the importance of sports in education can be gauged in the way it helps in teaching students many relevant life lessons. From their involvements in a lot of teamwork in playing the games, students are able to apply their interpersonal skills in sports in building good relationships with their future colleagues and working in harmony with others. Moreover, sports build up mental strength in youths. Success and failure are integral parts of sports as well as life. From sports, the young people learn to treat the success and failure equally. They may not be disheartened after defeat and give up but learn from it and put in their best efforts to shine the next time. This is an essential life lesson that not many school activities succeed to teach.

A part from sports, the other school activities like art festivals and leadership training programs are also of great importance to schooling. Students are able to understand and appreciate the beauty of arts during art festivals. In leadership training programs, they have chances to learn how to encourage and motivate the peers to work towards a common goal. Through these activities, students also get to learn some critical life and moral lessons. However, sports offer both significant life lessons and physical fitness. Furthermore, sports can be seen as leisure, which helps students to release stresses. That is why it is of higher priority in the education compared to other activities.

With the benefits they provided, sports are still of great importance in the education programs in Singapore. Nevertheless, more sports events and activities should be arranged, and more participation should be encouraged. This is all for the aim to enhance physical, cognitive, social, emotional and character development of every student.

This is the first time I have attempted an expository essay. I am a bit worried about the structure. Can you help me check? Besides, help me correct any awkward expressions.The recommendation and corrections are much appreciated. Thank you so much