Writing Feedback / Toefl; universities should provide an internship or educational work for students. [3]

Hi everybody; please see my toefl essay and give me some feedbacks. Thankyou
One of the challenges for today's youth in university is related to their academic progress. They feel like so much pressure to get high marks during their study. This expectation pushes them towards academics and less on other things that employers are looking for. However, I do believe that having internship or work experience in university motivates students to reach their goals in their future jobs.

First of all, working in university gives students an opportunity to experience hands-on learning, explore an occupation of their choice and develop important skills and habits required in the workplace. For instance, I remember the time when I attended the co-operative education program in my university in order to gain more experience related to my favorite field. It was an immensely enriching and rewarding venture.

Secondly, work experience helps students have a preconceived idea of their future job. Students never learn the real world of working place from their text books. It is important to know how looks like the environment of the job, and what expectation in their work place is. For example, I got some internship in Newton brook high school while studying in Ontario College of Teacher. This experience provided me a better idea of teaching in high school, and how well it would be with teenagers. I could have not been successful in my job, if I had not gotten this opportunity through an internship in my college.

Thirdly, it is obvious that students can earn some money in order to afford their expenses during their study if their university offers an educational work. Everybody has to pay for their accommodation and other fees, so having a part-time job in university would be helpful. Therefore, students can overcome their issues related to financial burden by working in universities.

Although one of the most optimal aspects of learning in university is building up academics for some students, I think that they should be concerned about the related experience which could be gained in universities. Learner can develop essential skills and information required in their future work place.

Writing Feedback / It is more important for students to study science (government help) [2]

Hi everybody, please see my toefl essay and let me know how I could write more sufficiently. Thankyou

In many societies, people believe that students should study art instead of science because art is kind of a bridge which can connect different cultures to gather. However, I don't think in that way. In my opinion, studying Science leads to many benefits for students who are interested in such as more employment in future, new invention, and discovery for unknown diseases.

First and foremost, it is true that students, who are Science educated, are more likely to find jobs related to science than other jobs. There are varieties of employment opportunities in different level that a scientist can find. According to the news, countless jobs such as Biological research, medical professional and environmental experiment are the most favorite jobs that offered in every year from many companies around the world.

Second, through decade Science could save many people's lives from unknown diseases. Scientists help to discovery of unknown diseases which cause death of millions people. For example, small pox was one of the most dangerous diseases that was discovered by a famous scientist in 1975. If this scientist had not studied Science to solve this problem, he would not have discovered the vaccine to cure it. Therefore, helping the world to find the solution for dangerous diseases could be the best motivation for students who should decide to choose between Science and Art as their major to study.

Thirdly, undoubtedly studying Science leads to more invention and new technology for daily life. As can be seen, increasing in technology development is caused by more Science discoveries. For instance, there are new source of energy that replaced with fossil source like wind power, nuclear power, and also the energy that abstracted from some microorganism bacteria. Through these innovations, there are many ways that people can save energy supplies for next generation. That would not happen if Scientists did not have enough progress in their researches. Thus, Science has a key role in nearly all parts of our day_ to day lives successfully.

Finally, although art has a remarkable role to bund people's culture to gather, science plays more significant role to save people's lives. Government should support students who are willing to choose Science as their major in university by providing more programs related new discoveries in science world and its absolute benefits for people.

Writing Feedback / Students should work part time work during their studying or not. [3]

It is true that, with the economic and social development, the number of students who work part-time during school time is increasing remarkably. As a result, it has become one of the most controversial issues among students. Some hold the view that students can face certain challenges with a part-time job; meanwhile, others argue that working part-time can bring students some benefits. Through this essay, I am going to discuss both sides of this argument, and its advantages and disadvantages.

On one side, those people who stand for the idea that students should not work part-time usually claim that students should save time for their lessons and experiences rather than work part-time. They find more concentration while they don't have to be worried about their job and responsibility that keep pressure on them in the work-place. Furthermore, they need to maintain a good health for their study, and it may risk their life while working in an insecure environment. Many jobs like hands-on jobs require special skills to avoid dangerous situation that may happen while working with, for example drilling machines. Therefore, it takes students' time and energy to do their work carefully.

On the other hand, others who advocate that part-time job is beneficial for students believe that students can get more practical experiences for their future business. In fact, formal training at college or universities only provides students with a basic background. In this case, it is no doubt that working part-time seems to be more helpful as it helps students learn more about responsibilities as well as real business challenges, which reinforces what they are learning at school. According to the news, some studies show that undergraduates working part-time are more confident than the others when they start a job after graduation. In addition, students can earn some money in order to afford their expenses through studying time. They have to pay for their accommodation and course fee during taking some credits at school. Thus, students can overcome their issue related to financial burdens during their education time by working.

To sum up, learners have options to choose part-time job through their studying time at school, but I think it would be better for them to focus on their academic studying to approach their goals of education and finally successful future.

PLEASE SEE MY TOEFL ESSAY AND HOW IT LOOKS. THANKYOU

Writing Feedback / It is better to have one or two close friends than to have a large number of casuals [4]

Hi everybody I'm prepareing for toefl test that I will take in the next month, please correct my mistakes. It would be great to have any good suggesstion from you. Thankyou so much

"Friendship" means to have a truly relationship with somebody who is known as a friend through a long _ time life. People are always looking for this honestly friendship in their life, but it wouldn't be easy to be success if they have many different friends as casual acquaintances. People find more connection, valuable relationship, and support when they deal with only one or two close friends.

First, it is not easy to connect with many people who have different attitude, but it's possible with only one or two friends. Having only close friend helps people know each other effectively because they may find many similarities and common thing that bound them to gather which is impossible for many friends. I remember high school when I had two close friends, I felt strong and confidence while being with them because I felt like the same way that they felt in many subject areas; and it made us happy and more connected.

Secondly, Relationship with fewer people contributes to valuable setting through a true friendship that may be last forever. There will be various challenging time to conquer difficulties in everybody's life that needs someone to help. According to the Unicef' record, people who don't have close friend in their life, they live 10 years less than those who have a good friend or partner. Besides, people can trust and feel like being not alone when they are in trouble with their friends. Thus, it would be a valuable link for people who try to keep a good relationship with their close friends.

Thirdly, everybody feels such a real support only from their close friends while she or he involves in some issues. For example, I lose my business many years ago and I tried to barrow money from some friends that I knew although there was no response. Finally, I got bank craft; there was nothing to do, but suddenly my close friend provided me a high financial support and got me out of debt. Then, I realized that many years connection with him as a truly friend resulted in such a significant life saving.

Finally, although there may not be many variety and interesting things with only one or two friends, people feel more secure and confidence while having a close or real friend in their life. People should consider all important and essential characteristics that a good friend must have; however, they can be found only in one or two friends.

Writing Feedback / You are planing to study abroad. what do you think you will like or dislike about it? [3]

Knowledge itself is a power. Thirst of knowledge took many famous historians to different parts of this world. There have been many famous people like Mahatma Gandhi who went to South Africa to study law and returned as a great scholar with a conviction of helping people of his country to get justice. Likewise, many students prefer studying abroad because of various reasons. I think students are willing to have their studies outside their home countries due to various reasons such as higher standards of education, better campus facilities, and enlightened résumé for better employment opportunities.

First but foremost, many people try to study in foreign country because they may find more qualified education in higher standard in order to gain their success. In many places, there are not enough options to choice, so residents have to look at other chances to study their favorite subject and continue it in another development country.

Secondly, students might not access to better campus facilities if they only use their home campus in their country. Compare to many third countries where are no evidences to approve their complete facilities to study, advanced countries can provide better equipments and other facilities for learners. For instance, Chinas students find more equipment such as new and modernize laboratories in U.S University compare to their own in China. They are satisfied by choosing another country to study and use these preparations to obtain their degree.

Thirdly, having an enlightened resume leads to more opportunities to find a better job and all this happen when students try to study in abroad. According to the BBC news, most foreign students are likely to gain more experiences and acknowledge through their studying time and enrich their resume to be more qualified for a professional job in their own country. It would be an amazing resume for a student if she or he can attach a letter as a reference letter from a famous company in an advanced country to his or her resume.

Finally, although there will be many difficulties during living in a foreign country, the weight of advantages is more obvious. There is always a way to find the better educations and facilities through studying time which leads to more success and a dream job for a foreign learners.

PLEASE EDIT MY ESSAY AND LET ME KNOW ABOUT MY MISTAKES. THANKYOU

Writing Feedback / 'No concern for talents' - to succeed, be more like others rather than be different [3]

There's been always a challenge to accept this fact that whether people should be like others to succeed or not. It seems much easier to do the same works that have been tried before by other people but I think in order to be more successful needs to be different from others. People show more creativity, enthusiasm, and patient through their work if they desire to be different.

First but foremost, there wouldn't be much creativity if people want to do in the same way. People have variety of talents and abilities that let them do in different level of success. They may access to many new discoveries if they want to bring out their new idea .for instance, Bill gibes who designed new Windows and other soft ware system found his talent in this field ,so he resign his previous field to continue and started with his favorite field to be succeed.

Secondly, people can show their eager to do their fine job if they choose it by their preference not base on the similarities with others. Nobody can be success in any field unless she or he is really willing to do it. Thus, the first step to gain a goal in any plan is feeling more enthusiasm and eager to do and it doesn't matter if it is not like others.

Moreover, patience is one of the most important key to succeed though it is not the same feeling for everyone to do his or her work. People show their patience for different field, so it wouldn't be progress and improvement if they do in the same way. For example, I feel patient to teach and it makes me feel energy and happy while doing that. However, my friend who started teaching like me in the same time gave it up and tried psychology study which she had patient for.

To sum up, people should be concerned about their characteristics and talents to get their ways to succeed, and it is impossible if they want to be like others. They have a chance to try different things to create new discoveries with their patience and desire to do.

PLEASE CORRECT MY ESSAY AS A TOEFL ESSAY.
THANKYOU

Writing Feedback / Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money [2]

Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position.

When I chose my career teaching, I realized that my job with a low salary was the best job for me. I had a plenty of time to spend with my kids and enjoy our vacation during every summer because I was free as a teacher. However, the salary was not enough to cover all our expenses and my husband had to work every night till late. So, whether high salary which makes large amounts of money or only a small amount of money for a comfortable life has many advantages and disadvantages that I will discuss both sides in follow.

First but foremost, it is a true that everybody desires to make his or her life a bit merrier and easier from good furniture to a nice house. Seeing variety of life style such as a luxury life makes people to wish having it by working hard and gain lots of money. Whereas, making good fortune needs people to work all the time under high pressure of stress. This stress leads to many heath issue and illnesses which opposes to a healthy and normal life.

In addition, rich people find their reputation through their life by supportive money that they gained. They are able to acquire whatever they want or other people demand it. So, large money brings them fortune and power which makes them be able to spend it on charity to help poor people. They feel satisfied and happy to see their abilities to do many things and make life seems more delighted for everyone and themselves as well. However, earning lot of money means missing family and the time that has to be spending with them but there are other responsibilities through a hard working.

Last but not least, it would be a great life if people can afford every thing that they want to have but I do believe life has another aspect which is more important for me than making large amounts of money. Peace and happiness are the essential facts that any life needs it. Thus, everybody should remember those facts to enjoy his or her life.

PLEASE CORRECT MY ERRORS IN THIS TOFEFL ESSAY EXAMPLE AND LET ME KNOW HOW I CAN IMPROVE IT.
THANKYOU

Writing Feedback / "Enjoyment" - The College Years are the Best Time in a Person's Life. [4]

"Enjoyment" is the only thing that I remembered from those College time. I had a plenty of time to get to know my new friends in College, and have a good plan for my future job. There was no responsibility to take care of family or other issues which might be related to me, so I felt like I can enjoy and use this opportunity to take more advantages through the studying time. College years are the best time to know other people, plan for future job, and find enjoyment.

First but foremost, the best time to connect to others and get to know each other is the study time in College. There are many new people who came from different places in the world with various culture and costume which leads to make a useful connection for student' future. Students can learn many knowledge and experience from their foreign friends which's not been discussed before. For instance, I remembered my best friend Sara who was Japanese, taught me how to get more concentration during the study time. Believed it or not, that was the best strategy that I have ever learned to aid more successful.

Beside, through College time, everybody can be prepared for his or her future job. It is easy to find an advisor in one of the College' offices, who helps students to find out about their favorite subject to continue and get ready to reach a good qualification for that. For example, all teachers in Ontario in Canada have to pass one year College teacher to be qualified as a teacher in this province. And this experience helps them to find the better view of teaching through their internship work in school which is provided by College.

In addition, there is the most enjoying time that has ever been experienced by everybody through his or her College life. That is the only time with no responsibility for any matters; thus, learners try their time to go out or party with their friends and enjoy every moment of their life. Through the College years, the picture of life is different from it's in the future with hard work and busy time. Every thing may seem more difficult and complicated than they are during College time.

Finally, although students may struggle with some difficult subjects to study in College, they are able to prepare for their future life. They obtain many valuable experiences from their classmates and are ready to start their work to gain the goals.

PLEASE SEE MY ESSAY AS A TOEFL ESSAY, AND LET ME KNOW ABOUT MY MISTAKES.
BAHAREH

Writing Feedback / Learning foreign language in your own country or in the country which it is spoke [2]

When my family and I came to Canada, we realized that our English was enough to start in new country. We had started learning English as beginners in back home and then continued to obtain advanced learners in Canada. We coped with many varies obstacles through our new life because we could communicate with others which was so important to get by. Learning foreign language in own country contributes to lower financial issues, easier way to learn, and more family support.

First but the most, students who studying foreign language in their own country can save more money compare of those students in foreign country. They don't have to pay for their accommodation or food or air fly to visit their family in their home. On the other hand, learners in foreign country have to pay for everything in new place like their rental room, food, collage burdens or bus tickets.

Secondly, learning in own country seems easier than learning in foreign country. Students understand new lessons by translating in their own vocabulary with their native teacher who has experienced with the same challenges through this learning process. For instance, I remembered those studying time in back home when our teacher tried to find a proper way to get us to understand new grammar or vocabulary. She showed us similar structure in our own language to find the meanings,so we could learn it .

Thirdly, most international students in abroad who have many miserable loneness memories, feel lack of family support during living in foreign country. There are many holidays' times that they can't afford to buy a ticket to get home and visit their families and friends. However, native students could be with their relatives and enjoy their time together. Learners who are foreign in a new country have to cope with all challenges and difficulties by their own and there wouldn't be any support for them.

Finally, there are many beneficial for students who study in their own country as their first step and then it would be great idea if they continue their learning process to be like advanced learners in the country which the language is spoken. They don't need to cope with many difficulties such as financial problems or solitude.

PLEASE SEE MY ESSAY AS A TOEFL ESSAY AND LET ME KNOW HOW IT IS.
THANKYOU
BAHAREH

Writing Feedback / It is More Important to Work at a Job that You Enjoy than it's to Earn a Lot of Money [4]

Hi every body please see my essay and tell me how it works for tofle test like an esssay with higher score.thanks
Most people enjoy their high salary and it makes them feel satisfied of being affordable for all their living cost. Because of this feeling, they work hard even they don't have enjoyment. However, life is too small and too valuable to be wasted like this to earn more and more money. Some people desire to work at a job that makes them feel enjoyment to have their interest job, more free time, and good environment at work.

First, people prefer working at a favorite job that they enjoy rather than earning a lot of money. If they love their job and find it interesting, they absolutely feel happy and successful. For example, while teaching in school; I really enjoy my job even though I earn less money. I feel more energy and great passion when I teach, so it helps me get high level of performance that aims to have more enjoyment.

Second, people enjoy more at a job that provides more free time for them. They are eager to do their job because they find more free time during work hours and feel free to do their personal things which save their time for their family. If somebody has a high responsibility in his or her job position, he or she doesn't feel free in any time; though, he or she earns a lot of money. Moreover, nobody does have time to enjoy this money earned since there is no time to sit and play with his or her children.

Third, if somebody finds a good environment at his work, he would enjoy more than earning more money. It is really important to have friendly co-workers at work to spent pleasant time and do their job together peacefully. Work hours would be at least eight hours in a day, so lack of a pleasant environment is a real matter for anyone who wants to enjoy through a work day. As a result, people who seek to enjoy more at their work than earn money; find their pleasant environment at their job.

As sum up, money is essential for the survival but should not become our obsession. It is a fact that enjoying at work, is more important than earning more money, and it is caused by more having free time and good environment during a favorite job.

Writing Feedback / computer made life more complex and stressful . [4]

Is not "technology" a little bit addicting? Unfortunately, we can see some kind of addiction in our daily life by using computer as a new technology. Computers have changed our life since they have been invented, so we completely depend on them to do our work or any other needs. Since computers have been used as one of the most important things in our life, we may feel more stressful and uncomforted. In our society, computers have made our life more complex and stressful because they make us depend on them, affect on children negatively, and change our relationship.

Now, we are so dependent on computer that is hard to imagine what things would be like today without them. For example, people can do their banking such as paying their bills or mortgage from their house with their computer otherwise they may go to the bank and ask bank teller to do it only in few seconds by bank's computer systems. However, sometimes freezing all computer system in such places like banks or offices in a big company could be disaster for people who are involved.

New technology such as computer affects on our children negatively, so we can see different trait from our children and their connection with computer. Most our students start living in a virtual reality by playing computer games and spend the most of their time in front of computer instead of improving their social skills through playing with other kids. For instance, my children always prefer playing computer game in their own room instead of playing basketball or other exercises in a public place. Thus, they probably never show a good manner in a group because they never tried before.

Nowadays, our relationship with others has changed since we accessed to computers. People were more connected with each other by chatting or visiting in a place and enjoy time together; however, now they would rather send an e-mail or text to their friends without any face-to -face connection. Therefore, in new century with new technology like computer, people feel too busy to go somewhere only to visit a friend.

Although there are many advantages in our life through using computers, we should be suspicious of the benefits that computers have brought to us. We also should be concerned about all games and other computer programs in which our children are interested; moreover, we need to connect with others properly.