Writing Feedback / Choosing desirable subjects to study in the university? [3]

I'd appreciate all feedback.

Topic: Some people think that the government should choose the subjects that students will study in the university, while others say that students should be the ones to choose their preferred subjects. What is your opinion about this? Give your reasons and include relevant examples.

The development of every country in the world requires human resources and educated people. Thus, many students are encouraged to continue their study in the university. There is a consideration that the government should choose the disciplines that students will study in the university. However, some groups of people believe that giving priority to students to choose their favourite subjects to study is more desirable. In my opinion, I think that students have to choose subjects to study in the university themselves, but the government ought to take a small part in students' decision.

Some people have talents since they were born, so it is a good idea to give freedom to them to choose subjects that are suitable for them and require their talents. Moreover, students might feel disappointed and discouraging if the subjects which are chosen for them are the disciplines they do not want to learn. As a consequence, they do not study hard and concentrate well on their education, which cause some problems to their performance in their future job.

On the one hand, the government should recommend some disciplines to students who are indecisive about what they are going to study in the university . In this way, students can make a quicker and better decision. Furthermore, the government has to inform their people about the job sectors that are lack of people working in. Therefore, the number of people working in various job sectors will be balanced and it is more efficient for students to find jobs after graduating from the university.

Taking everything into account, I believe that it is more preferable for pupils to select their desirable subjects to study in the university themselves. Despite that, the government must also play a role in helping some students to choose suitable subjects because it helps the development of the country as well as helping students.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Making an ideal society (opinions and solutions) [5]

All feedback is welcomed. Also, please help me to improve the vocabulary that I used in this writing so as to make them more formal.

Topic: People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society? How can we create an ideal society?

Society is a community of people who have the same customs, laws and cultures. For many years, creating a perfect society has been a wish of everyone all over the world, but it is a very difficult task to do.

In my opinion, I believe an ideal society has many aspects. The first point that makes a perfect society is peace. Actually, in a country where there is no conflict or disagreement people generally live contently. Another factor is good security system. If there are no crimes such as murder, burglary, arson, robbery and fraud in a society, people will not need to live in fear. In addition, good security system will attract more investors, which helps to improve the country's economy. Moreover, a perfect society must consist of sociable and kind people, who help and support each other when they are in some kinds of terrible situations.

In order to create an ideal community, there are a number of things to do. Firstly, those who live in society have to get on well with each other. If there is an argument, they have to settle it by having a peaceful talk or discussion, so as to avoid conflict. Additionally, every person must obey laws and rules, which were created by the government. Furthermore, everyone in society should get to know each other and learn to forgive and forget. For instance, if a person does something wrong, other people in the community have to correct that person's mistake by telling him or her with kind words. Also, solidarity within a country is significant because it can lead people to success in doing everything.

To conclude with, an ideal society has abundant factors. In my point of view, I think making a perfect society is extremely hard. However, if all things mentioned above are put into action, I am certain that an ideal society will be successfully made.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Is environmental damage evitable if a country is developing? [7]

Pleas help me to correct and improve this essay. Thanks in advance.

Topic: Pollution and environmental damage are inevitable results when a country is developing and growing its wealth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true to say that the global warming, which is one of the main issues these days, is caused by pollution and other environmental damage. Some people hold the belief that the impacts on the environment cannot be avoided when a nation is getting richer and deriving.

While a country is improving its economy, a large sum of money will be invested in industries. Therefore, many trees will be cut as more land is needed to build houses, factories and to cultivate crops. In fact, cutting down trees can damage the environment severely because trees are lungs of the earth. Moreover, as a nation is getting wealthier, more people travel to other countries or places by airplanes and drive their own cars instead of using the public transports such as buses and trains. As a result, air pollution happens because it is caused by cars and airplanes. In addition, as people in a rich country generally have a desire to keep up with new and modern things, they throw out the old ones, which are still usable. Consequently, the amount of rubbish in the world will increase dramatically.

Although environmental problems are serious, there are several solutions to solve them. Firstly, the government has to educate their people about pollution and environmental damage, so as to prevent further harm to the environment. Secondly, the government must limit the number of trees that can be cut and they have to grow more trees in the park and along the roads.or streets. Additionally, people should use various types of public transports or walk from one place to another, in order to reduce air pollution. Also, the government ought to improve the quality of public transports by making them more comfortable and more affordable, so people will enjoy using them. Furthermore, citizens and the government must have a recycling programme by recycle glass, paper, cans and other recyclable materials. In this way, the amount of rubbish will decline.

Taking everything into account, I strongly believe that pollution and environmental damage is avoidable if both the government and people co-operate and take parts in protecting the environment. As soon as all these solutions are put into actions, environmental problems will be solved, no matter how much a country is developing and growing its wealth.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Advantages and disadvantages of wearing uniform [9]

Please help me to correct this essay.

Topic: Some companies and organizations require their employees to wear uniform. What are the advantages and disadvantages of wearing uniform?

Nowadays, wearing uniform is an obligation in some companies and organizations. They demand their staff to wear uniform because they believe that it has a lot of advantages. However, some others disagree. In fact, wearing uniform has both merits and demerits.

One of many advantages is that wearing uniform can distinguish employees of different companies and organizations, so we are able to know practically which company or organization an employee is in. Indeed, uniform is a representation of a company or an organization. Another good point of wearing uniform is that it can promote the brands of the companies and the names of the organizations to be known by more people. Moreover, there is a strong bond between staff who wears the same uniform. Actually, uniform is able to encourage employees in a company or an organization to cooperate and work hard together because they feel that they belong to the same group of people and are not left out. In addition, wearing uniform at work will reduce distraction and increase productivity. Generally, people do not feel interested in looking at the clothes that are the same as their own, so they do not distract from their work and they might work harder. The last, but not least, is that wearing uniform will help those people who are indecisive about what clothes they should wear in their workplace. For example, a person may feel relax when he or she sees that he or she does not wear clothes which are lower standard than the other workers. Thus, every worker feel equal in their workplace.

Everything in the world is like the double-edge weapon and wearing uniform is not an exceptional, despite many plus sides. One minus side is that some workers do not want to wear uniform that their companies or organizations require them to wear. Therefore, they might feel uneasy at work and their productivity might decline. Additionally, wearing uniform limit self-expression and the individuality. For example, a person would like to wear clothes that are suitable for her, so she is able to show her beautiful figure, but she could not wear them due to the wearing-uniform rule of her company. Another disadvantage of wearing the same clothes in the company or organization is that people will be bored with their working atmosphere because everyone wears the same things.

In conclusion, the advantages of wearing uniform outweigh the disadvantages. As far as I am concerned, I think the demerit of wearing uniform at work can be avoided if there is a discussion about the kind of uniform that satify both the manager and the staff in the company or the organization.

Writing Feedback / Stay-at-home parents should be paid by the government? [5]

Topic: There are parents who decide to stay home and look after their families, mostly mothers. Some argue that the government should pay stay-at-home parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In order to improve the living standard of their families, both parents go to work everyday. However, there are some parents who make a decision to stay at home and take care of their families. Most of them are mothers. Some people believe that the government should pay those stay-at-home parents. In my opinion, I agree with this idea.

Parents who stay at home have many household chores to do. Some people say that doing housework is harder than working in the office because housework is a boring and difficult job. Thus, all stay-at home parents should be paid as those who work in the office.

Moreover, a family that has a stay-at-home parent generally has more happiness than a family that has both parents working. In fact, stay-at-home parents do not only provide warmth to their families, but also contribute to the society as well. To illustrate, children that have stay-at-home parents usually perform well in class and study hard as parents are great help in improving their children's education. In addition, when a child has a parent who stays at home, he or she generally has good manners and is advised to know what is right and what is wrong. Therefore, there is a decrease in the rate of juvenile delinquency, which occur because both parents are occupied in their work and the lack of interaction between children and parents. Furthermore, children are healthier if their parents stay at home with them. They can have nutritional food everyday and get treatment immediately if they have a particular illness.

All things consider, I hold the view that the government ought to pay stay-at-home parents because those parents bring abundant advantages to both their families and society.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Teenager or adult years are the happiest? [2]

Topic: Some people think that teenager years are the happiest years in a person's life. Others believe adult life is much more happier despite of the family responsibilities. Discuss both, what is your opinion?

Nowadays, the discussion which years in a person's life are the happiest is highly debatable. Some people consider that adolescent years are the most contented years in a person's life, whilst many other people think that life as a grown-up is a lot more delighted even though there are many family duties.

In fact, young people of age 13 to 19 years old do not have much responsibility because their livings are depending on their parents or guardians. They do not have the responsibility to earn their living as adults. During those years, the main duty that a person has to do is to study hard. In addition, as there are not so many accountability, teenagers have a lot of spare time apart from their study. They are able to do as many leisure activities as they want to such as watching TV, reading books, and playing games.

However, adolescents' freedoms are controlled by their parents or guardians. For instance, if they want to do something, they need to ask for permission from their parents or guardians first.

On the other hand, adults have a lot of independence, which means that they are able to do everything they would like to do without being controlled by their parents. Moreover, as adults can earn money for their own living, their money could be spent freely.

One downside of being a grown-up is that they have a number of family responsibilities such as earning income and child-rearing, so adults do not have much free time as teenagers. Although they have freedom, they are unable to spend it on their leisure activities due to their busy work and many duties.

Overall, there are many different factors that make teenagers and adults' lives the happiest. In my view, I personally agree that being a teenager is more delightful than an adult despite the lack of freedom and independence.

Please give me some advice about the organization, grammatical error, and appropriate words (formal and academic words) to use in this essay. Thank you in advance.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Citizen's responsibilities [5]

Topic: Some people think that paying taxes is enough to contribute to the society. Others argue that being a citizen involves more responsibilities. Discuss, what is your opinion?

There is a controversial debate around the world about the duties of citizen. Some people believe that paying tax is the only responsibility of citizens, while others disagree and think that being a person in society involves more responsibilities.

Taxes are the income for every country in the world and they are extremely important for developing countries. If people are paying taxes, that means they are taking part in the development of their country as well as the country's economy. Therefore, they have fulfilled their duty as a citizen.

Some people argue that individuals of a country are responsible for many other things apart from paying tax. In fact, in order to develop a country, citizens must obey laws, which were imposed by the government. In this way, the crime rate is reduced and society becomes a peaceful place, so the country will develop at a rapid pace. Furthermore, being a citizen in society should protect the country's culture and history. For instance, people should have knowledge about their own culture and history by studying at school with full concentration or reading them from books. On the other hand, a person has to unite with other people in the community so as to develop their nation. Indeed, if people in society have a strong bond with each other, society will become a peaceful place, where people are helping and sharing to each other.

Taking everything into account, I strongly believe that being a citizen involves in a number of duties, other than paying taxes. People in society must do more than paying taxes to contribute to their society.

I appreciate all advice and correction. Thank you in advance.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Impact of cooking subject [3]

Topic: In some schools or colleges, cooking is taught to both boys and girls. How does it affect people's habits in their adult life?

Cooking is a subject that is generally taught to children at home by their parents. However, in some schools or colleges, children of all genders are able to learn to cook from their teachers. This change will influence people's routine when they become adults.

The main effect of the introduction of cooking subject at school to all children is the raise of awareness of girl's job. Therefore, men will understand the difficulty of their wives' work and will offer to share housework with their wives after married, which provides more free time for their wives to participate in various kinds of activities in society. In fact, sharing the cooking chore does not only help to ease the pressure of housework on women, but also bring happiness to the family because sharing is a method of expressing love. For example, as the husband and the wife take turn to cook the meals, both of them will be able to have time to give advice and interact with their children, so the children will not feel neglected and be raised up well and have good manner.

In addition, teaching cooking to both genders can eliminate the sex discrimination in society. In fact, cooking was regarded as girl's job in the past and was taught to girls only. Thus, as it is taught to both boys and girls, the equity of both genders is illustrated through this and girls are not discriminated by their community.

Furthermore, if people know how to cook food themselves, they will now enjoy going to restaurants, which will save a lot of money. Indeed, those who know how to cook have more pleasure with the hand-made food than the restaurant food because they feel safe and proud of the food they cook themselves.

To sum up, educating cooking at school to both boys and girls is a very positive development and it has a lot of good impacts on people's habit in their adult life. It makes men to be able to share housework with their wives as well as eliminating gender discrimination in society.

I appreciate all comments. Thanks in advance.