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Posts by maryp630 [Suspended]
Joined: Dec 23, 2011
Last Post: Jan 14, 2012
Threads: 7
Posts: 20  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 27
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maryp630   
Jan 14, 2012
Undergraduate / 'my career path of forensic psychology' - SEATTLE U PERSONAL STATEMENT [3]

Seattle University is an absolute match with my educational goals due to its dedication to "empowering leaders for a just and humane world," cultural diversity, and the vast opportunities it allows foroffers . Not only does Seattle University educate me academically, but also I also believe that through its students,

I think this is very general. Make it connect to you even more. They already know that they are ranked as a top university but how does that relate to you. Make it more personal.

Hope this helps!Check out my Lafayette Supplement.
maryp630   
Jan 13, 2012
Undergraduate / 'created their own Android app' - Why Lafayette? Interview. [2]

Why are you interested in Lafayette? [500 characters]
I sat staring at the man whose job was to convince me to apply. Could this be my future college? I asked myself this when I met with Taaha Mohamedali, the representative whose words of wisdom convinced me to apply. Many things caught my attention when I first learned of Lafayette. I was ecstatic about the variety of activities, the liberal arts curriculum and the strong focus on undergraduates. Most of all, I loved Lafayette's Cur Non motto that allows students to step out of their comfort zone.

In 1777, at the age of 19, the Marquis de Lafayette left a life of privilege and prestige in France and sailed to America to fight for the American Revolution. His family motto guided his sense of adventure and reflects an attitude that pervades Lafayette College today: "Cur Non?" ("Why not?). Based on this motto, discuss a "Why not?" moment in your personal, academic, or social life. [1250 Characters]

Not everyone is able to say they created their own Android app. I was given the privilege of creating my own app along with other young women when I joined Iridescent's Technovation Challenge during the Spring of 2011. We worked in Google's New York headquarters in Chelsea.

As a Technovation Challenge student, I was able to work under the tutelage of Google employees and other young women. After several weeks of brainstorming ideas, my teammates and I decided to create an app that would benefit all teenage girls who were skeptical about fashion. What is "trendy" anyway? "Trendy: very fashionable or up to date in style or influence." With this simple definition, my teammates and I came up with Trending, a dynamic fashion aggregator that organizes the latest trends to help consumers shop for clothing that is "in." Along with learning the basics of using Google's Android App Inventor program, I was able to learn about business pitches. Being in the Technovation Challenge was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. the program ran from 5 to 8 p.m. every Monday from February through May in downtown Manhattan. But it was worth all of the long hours commuting on the train. I was able to meet new people and associate with professionals of the Google world. The Technovation Challenge was an overall great experience for me because of the exposure to such a contemporary topic: technology. The world is in the technological era and it is important to be capable of navigating through different forms of technology and I learned that. Although the Trending app did not win the national competition, it won Second Place in the regional competition and the People's Choice Award.

Trends do not always have to do with fashion. Yes, they may have to do with what is "in" or even "out" at the time. But it also means keeping yourself aware of what goes on around you. I did this by joining the Technovation Challenge.
maryp630   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Pennsylvania was where I wanted to spend my life' Lehigh Supplement Unique Aspect [3]

What unique aspect of Lehigh most interests you? (As a guideline, your response should be between 150-250words.)
There are many things that draw me to Lehigh. But the key aspect of the school that caught my attention immediately once I heard about it was the location. The wind was flowing freely through my hair as I rode up to the top of the hill. "I'm the queen of the world!" I shouted as I rode down the hill. At a mere nine years old, I decided Pennsylvania was where I wanted to spend the rest of my life. My family and I were forced to move out of New York because my dad had lost his job. I would have never thought that good could come from such a traumatic event. When we moved back to New York, I vowed to go back to Pennsylvania. The feeling of freedom was something that I know New York didn't have. Being that Lehigh is in the same town that I once lived in is something very special to me. I know that I will feel at home in this campus. Another unique aspect that caught my attention right away about Lehigh was its student life. The fact that you can make the most out of your college experience really astounded me. Especially when I heard about Late Night Lehigh. These types of activities allow for students to express themselves and meet new people. I love the fact that Lehigh offers so many different clubs and activities for students to learn about themselves along the way. I know that if admitted to Lehigh, I will get the opportunity to try the sports I was not able to do while in High School. I know that I will be able to grow as a person and with these activities I will be able to learn about myself. I can go on about how Lehigh has a great Leadership Program and how it offers so many fraternities and sororities. These qualities are only one of many astounding elements that make Lehigh, Lehigh. Once I learned about this, I knew that Lehigh was the college for me.
maryp630   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I want to be remembered' - NYU SUPS [11]

I really think you should look back at the questions and incorporate them into your answer considering that in the first two you don't really answer them. Hope this helps!
maryp630   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'the endless opportunities' - WHY NYU? [4]

Why NYU?
DRAFT FIVE


What inspired me to apply to NYU was the endless opportunities NYU offers its students; in particular studying abroad. Ever since I first learned about studying abroad, it intrigued me. NYU will give me the opportunity to be exposed to the world and learn more about the world around me because of the numerous locations NYU has relations with. Also, NYU is known for challenging its students academically. NYU incorporates all of its schools into its academics; providing an extensive education that covers practically all courses. I find this to be a unique and important aspect. With some of the most intelligent people in their fields from all over the world teaching me, I know I will be challenged; bringing out the best in me as a student. NYU has a diversified student population with students that have amazing talents and different stories to tell. This is the most interesting aspect of the school because of the rare opportunity to learn about other cultures. With New York City as my classroom, I will have the opportunity to learn beyond academics in an atmosphere that is connected to the city. I have lived in New York City my whole life and have yet to explore everything it has to offer. NYU will allow me to do just that with an endless amount of opportunities for incredible internships, outings to well-known museums and galleries, and other cultural events in the city. I know I will never get bored in the classroom that never sleeps.
maryp630   
Dec 31, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The Biology program' - NYU Supplement [6]

So I did this over but I have a lot of characters left to fill and I don't know what to do. Suggestions are welcome.

Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice. [1124/1500 characters]

At the age of four I performed my first surgery. I could not believe that I had become a doctor in the matter of five seconds. With the help of Dr. Forman, a visitor to our school's Career Day, we did our best to put my poor Buddy-Bear together again. When we were done, Buddy Bear was nice and new. Dr. Forman's words are still etched inside my brain. "It is great to help those who need it." Since then, I have always wanted to help everyone and being a doctor is one way of doing just that. With NYU's Undergraduate Biology program, I will be able to study different forms of life including Molecular and Cell Biology, Genetics, and Environmental Biology. Being an undergraduate student in their Biology program, I will get the opportunity to design my own course of study, allowing me to develop as a scientist. Because I am interested in pursuing a medical career, but uncertain as to what aspect of medicine I want to pursue, NYU's Biology program will expose me to different fields within the Biological Sciences; ultimately helping me find my area of specialty within medicine while preparing me for medical school.
maryp630   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'A student, not an athlete' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality Essay [10]

As I look out the window of my room, there's an entire world out there-- wind tickling the leaves that survived the last freeze, my neighbors playing tag in their backyard, and so on. Yet, as I look out, all I can really focus on is my old soccer goal resting up against the fence in the far reaches of my backyard. Worn and tattered after years of use, it holds more significance now than ever. It's very cliché, but moments like thisthese really force one to reflect upon an experience, for better or worse.

I LOVE YOUR ESSAY! I made few corrections because of that. You can really see your persona shine through this essay. Not much to say, but I really liked it. :) Check out my Lehigh Supplement? :)
maryp630   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Volleyball companion' -Short activity essay [6]

Just curious, what is the short answer question? I really liked this essay. I don't know if I deleted enough words but I did the corrections you see here. The part with the question marks is unclear as to what is being said. Hope this helps! Check out my Lehigh Supplement :)
maryp630   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / Lehigh Supplement: Founding your own college or university [6]

Please answer one of the following questions. As a guideline, your response should be between 150-250 words.
2. If you founded your own college or university, what topic of study would you make mandatory for all students to study and why? What would be the values and priorities of your institution and why?


"Dad, I want to learn how to speak French." We were walking down the aisle at Staples last year, looking for the Berlitz computer course. Why French? Different cultures have always captivated my attention but I was especially intrigued by France. It's astounding that someone can speak and understand another person in a different way. French just had Je ne sais quoi. This sudden interest in France inspired me to study on my own. Once I picked up the course, I felt powerful in a way I had never felt before. With French, I felt different and unique because no one else in my family or friends had taken the initiative to learn another language. French was my thing. My dad says two heads are better than one. It is the same with languages. The more languages you know the better. Therefore, if I were to found my own college or university, I would make the foreign languages mandatory for all students to study. Language is the only way humans are able to communicate and understand each other. If everyone knew at least two languages, they would understand everything that goes on around them. As for values and priorities, my college or university will prioritize a well-rounded education for all students. After all, "Life is too short not to make the best and the most of everything that comes your way every day."
maryp630   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'instant information' - NYU SUPPLEMENT- What intrigues you? [11]

I really love your essay. Im also applying to NYU and this is one of the things I was going to write about. I dont really see any errors and the ones that I did see originally were fixed. Hope this helps! Question: Did you do your Why NYU essay already? Ive been having such a hard time with that one.
maryp630   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'small seminar classes' - What influenced me to apply to Barnard [3]

What factors have influenced your decision to apply to Barnard College? What intrigues you about Barnard's approach to the liberal arts and sciences?
I walked through the black iron gates and stood flabbergasted. I did not know whether or not I was still in New York City because I had never seen such green leaves and beautiful flowers before. Considering that this is New York City and the campus was actually quiet, I automatically fell in love with Barnard. The location was what captured my attention immediately; it all looked like a different world. Along with my counselor from the Harlem Educational Activities fund, I attended the HEOP Breakfast held at Barnard. At the breakfast, I learned more about Barnard and its small community. Once again, I knew that this was the place for me. I know that I will be able to thrive in small seminar classes and Barnard gives me just that. Barnard will assist with my desire to become a well-rounded person with its approach to the liberal arts education and the Nine Ways of Knowing. Barnard's partnership with Columbia University will provide me with the best of both worlds. Although I grew up in the city, Barnard will be able to expand my horizons and expose me to all that New York City has to offer.
maryp630   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / My Stuggle with Stuttering (Optional UPENN Essay) [2]

DuringThroughout my childhood, it was normal for me to hear my classmates snickeredsnickering at me forbecause of my stuttering, but I never gave up on improving this case of stammering . My passion to help and inspire my peers encouraged me through personal conversation and major speeches to overcome my fears. These fears include... Ever since, friends congratulated me on turning the major defect into a minor impediment.
An area conference presentation to more than 600six hundred individuals proved to be one of the largest hurdles in my campaign against stuttering. However, with my friend's support, I took to the stage with confidence. RemindingRemembering all the tricks taught by my speech teacher and above all the happiness of expressing my ideas, I spoke an eloquent applauded by the audience.
Just as famous stutter Winston Churchill was once told; the only solution lies within practice and perseverance,. I too will fight with this spirit to solve the problem, for I will not allow a disability to become a hindrance.

I really like your essay I just think you have to read over it so that you can check if it concise because some of the sentences did not make sense to me at first so keep that in mind. I also did not know what the main idea was, maybe if you focus on one time where you conquered your fear and described it to us that would be great
maryp630   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I didn't even have to think' - Common app-failure [3]

I think this is a great essay. I am a little confused as to whether this is your personal statement or the short answer question. I believe you should cut down on the sports and focus more on what your role in student council was what you did, etc.
maryp630   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Raised in a perfect setting' - Harvey Mudd Supplement-- sincere, but not creative? [3]

This is a great start but I feel like you still havent answered the question. If you take out what I suggested, then the essay will start out interesting. I think you should focus on one thing that you feel like they really need to know about you that you havent shown in your application whether it be that you move a lot or that you have a disease [god forbid!] But once you choose that expand on it as specific as you can get. Hope this helps! Check out my barnard supplements too :)
maryp630   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a new academic chapter' + 'why Lafayette' + 'Travel' + 'Equity' - supplements [19]

I think that for the first question you should be a little more specific. They do set a character limit but you can always go a little over and upload the document. For the second essay, I think you should describe the scene a little more like how you felt when the teacher did not go by the syllabus and stuff like that. Hope this helps! Please check out my barnard essays :)
maryp630   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / Personal Essay "Nomad", topic of your choice [8]

I love your essay especially since mine is about the same thing except Im from New York City. I love the tone of everything and it just flows so well. Great Essay!
maryp630   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / NYC, Ms. Clark, High-Five, HEOP Scholars - Barnard replies [7]

So I held on doing these until the last minute. Any sort of help is appreciated. :)

#1:What factors have influenced your decision to apply to Barnard College? What intrigues you about Barnard's approach to the liberal arts and sciences?
I walked through the black iron gates and stood flabbergasted. I did not know whether or not I was still in New York City because I had never seen such green leaves and beautiful flowers before. Considering that I was still in New York City and the campus was quiet, I automatically fell in love with Barnard. The location was what captured my attention immediately; it all looked like a different world. Along with my counselor from the Harlem Educational Activities fund, I attended the HEOP Breakfast held at Barnard. At the breakfast, I learned more about Barnard and its small community and once again, I knew that this was the place for me. I will thrive in small seminar classes and Barnard gives me just that. Barnard will encourage my desire to become a well-rounded person with it's approach to the liberal arts education and the Nine Ways of Knowing. Barnard's partnership with Columbia University will provide me with the best of both worlds: the quiet intimacy and prestige of Barnard and the massive bustle of Columbia's challenging campus. Although I grew up in the city, Barnard will be able to expand my horizons and expose me to all that New York City has to offer.

#2:Pick one woman in history or fiction to converse with for an hour and explain your choice. What would you talk about?
"Why do you always carry that book around?" David asked me one day. Writing is the only way I can make myself feel better when my day is not going so great or if life is not going right. If I could sit down with one woman in history and talk for an hour, I would choose Mary Higgins Clark. Ms. Clark is also a writer who went through a numerous amount of struggles in her life that were similar to mine. This includes moving into a small apartment once losing her father. Like her, I have had difficult living circumstances throughout my life, especially when I was in my sophomore and junior year of high school. I would like to talk to Ms. Clark about her struggles and how she overcame them. She was a very determined person and even though she went through a lot of difficulty, she triumphed and became a successful writer.

#3:Alumna and writer Anna Quindlen says that she "majored in unafraid" at Barnard. Tell us about a time when you majored in unafraid.

I "majored in unafraid" when I overcame my fear of public speaking. I was running for student body secretary and had to make a speech to the high school in the cafeteria. While waiting for Mrs.Turnbull to hand me the microphone, I was focused on everything but the speech itself ran through my mind. There are too many people here. What if they don't listen? My hands were sweaty and I kept looking around wondering what I had gotten myself into. All of those eager faces, waiting to hear what I had to say, were staring at me. I got up and took the microphone but it was not working. Embarrassed, I stuffed my hands into my pockets and started mumbling through my speech. I was talking when someone called out "Talk Louder!" I became more nervous and raised the tone of my voice but after a minute or two, I realized that people were actually listening. I relaxed. I could do this! I could do this! The applause was not just a figment of my imagination. The high school students actually liked my ideas. I did it. I wanted to make a change in the school. This strong point in my speech helped me win the election. Participating in Student Government made me realize I was not just another face in the crowd and I could have my ideas put into effect; my voice could finally be heard.

#4:Community-educational, geographic, religious, political, ethnic, or other-can define an individual's experience and influence her journey, How has your community, as you identify it, shaped your perspective?

As I walked down the hallway to the College Quest office, everyone says hi to me. "High-Five!" Mr. Nico says once I come in through the door. "Hey Mary. Congratulation!" Aneicka tells me when I announce my college acceptances. "You did great!" Tyler says as he skims through my latest report card. I smile because I actually feel proud of what I have done. These people actually care about my accomplishments. Not everyone can say they have someone who is dedicated to making sure they succeed. Ever since I was accepted into the Harlem Educational Activities Fund my freshman year in high school, I have felt like I belonged. The HEAF community has welcomed me with open arms and has helped me with any inquiry I might have had. Not only did they introduce me to important topics needed for success in college but they inspired me to work harder to get to where I want to go: college. After freshman year, I was able to do public speaking exercises without being embarrassed. I was able to relate to other young adults who were also passionate about their futures. As a member of the Youth Leadership Council, I was able to show off my leadership and planning skills by planning a community diversity awareness event along with other high school students. HEAF also helped me gain awareness of the environment and I was able to create my own environmentally-friendly product. HEAF has and always will be one of the reasons why I became passionate about college.

#5:Applicants for the HEOP Scholars Program: Why are you interested in the Arthur O. Eve Higher Education Opportunity Program? What do you hope to achieve by participating in this program?

I am interested in the Higher Education Opportunity Program because of the many benefits that come with being a HEOP student. As a HEOP student, I would be offered many different kinds of academic resources which include loan programs for books, laptops and calculators. This interests me mostly because I know that these resources will help me succeed academically. But HEOP also provides other kinds of support like outings and activities that will help fellow HEOP students and I explore our surroundings and expand our knowledge outside of academic areas. By participating in the Higher Education Opportunity Program I hope to get the most out of my time at Barnard. I know that with HEOP's endless amount of resources and their help, I will leave Barnard with a sense of accomplishment and the overall feeling of success.
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