Writing Feedback / 'The additional facility at Tusk University' - Gre argument [3]

"Tusk University should build a new recreational facility, both to attract new students and to better serve the needs of our current student body. Tusk projects that enrolment will double over the next 10 years, based on current trends. The new student body is expected to reflect a much higher percentage of commuter students than we currently enroll. The will make the existing facilities inadequate. Moreover, the cost of health and recreational club membership in our community has increased rapidly in recent years. Thus, students will find it much more advantageous to make use of the facilities on campus. Finally, an attractive new recreational center would make prospective students, especially athletically gifted ones, more likely to enrol at Tusk."

\Write a response that examines this argument's unstated assumptions. Make sure you explain how this argument depends on those assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions are wrong.

Ans:

The argument that a new recreational facility will attract new students to enrol at Tusk University and also solve the inadequacy of current facilities may seem logical at first glance. The author makes a valid argument, one that would be correct it its premises were true. However, his conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence, and it uses terms that lack definition.

First, the writer assumes that building a new recreational facility will attract new students and enrolment will double over the years. However, this new recreational facility might be entirely irrelevant and might not help to improve the enrolment at all. Suppose, for example, the new recreational facility that Tusk University plans on building is a theatre; students who don't engage in filming might not find this new recreational facility fascinating. Additionally, this new theatre would not serve its purpose of meeting the ever-increasing students' needs.

Besides, the writer also assumes that the expected growing number of students will make the existing facilities inadequate. But, the writer provides no evidence to see if a parallel exists between increasing number of students and the inadequacy of existing facilities. Hypothetically speaking, the existing facilities might look old and shabby. This appearance might not arouse students' desires to use those existing facilities.

Also, the write implies without citing specific evidence that students will be more inclined to use the on-campus facilities as the cost of the community health and recreational club membership has increased. In fact, the community health and recreational club might be well equipped for certain activities such as canoeing and mountaineering which the school facilities might lack. If so, these students would rather spend more money to get access to the community club. The argument's conclusion requires the support of evidence demonstrating that the school current facilities are fully equipped and advantageous to its students.

The notion that attractive new recreational center will attract more athletically gifted students to enrol at Tusk University would be strengthened if the writer had provided evidence that this attractive recreational center is an athletic facility and not science laboratory. The author's argument would be strengthened considerably by additional evidence that shows some statistics and surveys that a large number of students are excited about the new recreational facility and a high percentage of these students will make use of it.

In conclusion, the writer would not necessarily be wrong to assert that new facility will potentially lead to some improvement in enrolment at Tusk University. After all, the additional facility will certainly not adversely affect the school image. But to support the current conclusion that a new recreational facility will effectively double the enrolment, the writer must submit more conclusive evidence that the new facility will, in fact, attract more prospective students.

Writing Feedback / Gre Issue - the visibility of the police force [3]

Hi, everyone. Please help me to prune off any unnecessary details. This is my first GRE argument essay:

The following appeared in the City Council Proceedings section of the local newspaper in Smithville:
"The city council of Smithville has instituted changes to police procedures to improve the visibility of the police force. These changes require that the town hire more police officers, budget more funds for police overtime, and direct officers to patrol significantly more often on foot rather than from their cars. These improvements in visibility will significantly lower the crime rate in Smithville and make its citizens feel safer"

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered to decide how likely the stated recommendation is to yield the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

Ans:
The argument that improvements in visibility in police force will substantially lower the crime rate in Smithville may seem logical at first glance. The memo makes a valid suggestion, one that would be appropriate if its premises were true. However, the memo's conclusion relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence, and city council of Smithville may not be taking other factors, and citizens' opinions into account.

First, the city council of Smithville assumes that hiring more police officers will lower the crime rate and improve citizens' safety. However, the memo never produces evidence to support this assumption. The city council could do something simple and effectual such as researching into the town histories of fighting crimes to see if large numbers of police officers will have an impact on crime rate.

Additionally, Smithville city council should also consider other factors that might lead to increasing numbers of crimes. New police officers could be poorly trained and inexperienced. If so, spending time and money hiring more police officers could actually compound the problem. Here again, research could be a vital ally in this case: What precautions did the neighbouring towns take to reduce their crime rates? How are their police forces trained? How do they prevent crimes from happening? Answers to these questions will help Smithville city council make a wise decision.

The council also assumes that police officers patrolling on foot have a higher chance of reducing crimes than patrolling from their cars, but it does not produce any evidence to support this assumption. How did most crimes in Smithville happen? What means of transportation do most criminals in Smithville use when committing crimes? The memo never says. These are all important questions that have not been answered. If most crimes happen in Smithville are armed robberies and the criminals flee the scene with cars, police officers patrolling on foot might not be able to stop these crimes in time.

As it currently stands, the city council of Smithville makes a decision that appears to have been made in a vacuum. To convince the citizens of Smithville that these improvements are necessary, the memo should provide evidence and show some statistics that these changes in police force, will, in fact, help to lower the crime rate in Smithville.

Writing Feedback / Too much reliance on technology will impede people from becoming successful and independent leaders [7]

Hi, everyone. Please leave comments on my essay below.

"The luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life prevent people from developing into truly strong and independent individuals."

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Ans:
People living in this modern era have indulged themselves in a world of science and technology. The luxuries and conveniences of modern life, which are always taken for granted, have impeded people's urges to strive and evolve into better individuals. Examples of these luxuries are calculator, computer and Global Positioning System (GPS) device- luxuries of technology age which have latent detrimental effects on people in the long run.

First and foremost, people living in the twentieth century have perverted science discoveries. Calculator is invented to perform complex mathematical solutions. However, for the sake of convenience, primary students are now taught to use calculators to perform simple calculations. The more attached these students are to calculators, the more incompetent they are in solving basic mathematical solutions mentally. This will, doubtless, deteriorate the wonderful minds of these primary students and hinder them from becoming successful and independent leaders in the future.

Computer, thought to be an invention for the good of all mankind, is another great example to show how technology impacts on humans' daily lives. Although a computer allows for convenience, too much dependence on this luxury will impair the analytical skills of mankind. For example, the data generated using Microsoft Excel might be incomplete and inaccurate. However, it is a common fallacy that computer is too powerful to be wrong. Due to this implicit trust in computer, people refuse to use their innate ability to apply logical thinking to gathering and analysing information. Hence, the thinking and problem solving capacities of these people will surely deteriorate in the long run.

Another luxury which has harmful effect on people is Global Positioning System (GPS) device. While less people sticking to the traditional way of using a map and a compass, more people using GPS to show them the directions to their destinations. If GPS failed due to certain reasons such as bad weather conditions and battery problems, people would have problem getting to their destinations as they do not know how to read a map and operate a compass.

Some people might argue that these luxuries are valuable tools for the advancement of a country. While it is impossible to definitely disprove this assertion, and it may be true that these luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life have their virtues, most examples point to the fact that these luxuries would lead to weak and dependent personality. In conclusion, it is true that too much reliance on technology will impede people from becoming successful and independent leaders.

Writing Feedback / 'characteristics of societies while studying in big cities' - GRE issue essay [5]

My mind totally went blank when I first read the essay. But, I still managed to squeeze some ideas out. Help me please.

"To understand the most important characteristics of a society, one must study its major cities."

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.

Ans:
Most people consider a major city as the reflection of a society. These people think that the characteristics of societies are intrinsic to major cities. However, a close examination reveals that blindly studying the major cities will not help us understand the beauty of societies when small cities which are often devalued have an impact on societies too.

First and foremost, small cities are usually considered to be the suburbs. The people who live in the suburbs are often friendlier, more approachable. They lead a peaceful and less stressful live. On the contrary, we might not be able to see these attributes in those people living in major cities. If we went to Manhattan to study the characteristics of an American society, we would likely see arrogant, domineering and snotty Americans. The results obtained in major cities unlikely to accord with the results obtained in the suburbs.

In contrast to the statement, big cities are very attractive to tourists. They are millions of foreigners visiting Manhattan, New York every year. These visitors, come from different parts of the world, are visiting for different kinds of purposes. They could be on vacation; they could be on business. Studying Manhattan might give the characteristics of different societies in the world, instead of getting the characteristics of a Manhattan society.

The previous examples show that a small city would reflect its society accurately. With less outsiders visiting and more local people living, a small city inevitably reveals all the good and bad attributes of its society. The people living in small city are more innocent and less sceptical. These people will show the world their "true faces" without hiding.

While it may now be apparent that studying major cities would not provide a clear review on the characteristics of these societies, it should also be evident that studying major cities would impair our perspectives on the societies. In conclusion, small cities which have so many desirable attributes do affect the societies.

Writing Feedback / 'drawbacks of pursuing an inappropriate course of study' - GRE practice essay [7]

Correct as many errors as possible. Thank you so much.

"Educational institutions have a responsibility to dissuade students from pursuing fields of study in which they are unlikely to succeed."
Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

Ans:
Educational institutions, the pathway to success, are often held accountable in leading their students to victory. In order to achieve such expectation, these educational institutions are now infamous for imposing their ideal fields of study on students, regardless of the students' interests. Whether a student will succeed clearly depends on the future, and since nobody in the world can foresee the future, success and failure become the unknown. Education Institutions which cannot prophesy the future are supposed to nourish the talents of their students and not discourage their students from pursuing fields which are thought to be failures.

First and foremost, educational institutions which encouraging their students into pursuing lucrative fields such as medicine, law, and business might create upheavals in education system. For example, students who are not interested but coerced into studying those fields might increase the universities drop-out rates. These college drop-outs might create a disturbance in a societal structure in the long run.

However, success and failure which are closely related, are often the ramifications of one's action. A right decision would engender monumental accomplishment while a wrong decision would result in ignominious end. Ludwig Van Beethoven is often considered as the greatest of all composers. He was not born privileged, but this never hindered him from becoming a great musician. In his early 20s, he made a right decision by moving to Vienna to study music with Joseph Haydn. If Joseph had made a wrong choice and had discouraged Beethoven from pursuing music due to certain anticipation that Beethoven might fail in the future, the world would have missed the opportunity of listening to the popular works of Beethoven.

Although education institutions have a responsibility to clarify the vices and virtues of a course of study, they certainly do not have the right to devalue their students' interests. All students must have the right to choose their own futures. In fact, the students who have the opportunity to pursue fields of study which they are fond of doing, they would certainly live up to expectations. On the contrary, those who do not have the opportunity would fail due to boredom.

While it may now be evident that the drawbacks of pursuing an inappropriate course of study are too great, it should also be apparent that blindly reaching for success would lead to a student's downfall. In all cases, students should pursue in the fields which they are interested in, and not in the fields which they are likely to succeed.

Writing Feedback / 'change is a great investment for everyone' - GRE essay [4]

Hi, I am practicing for my GRE Issue essay. I need help checking run-ons and sentence fragments, grammatical errors and....
Please correct as many errors as possible. Thank you so much.

"Progress should be the aim of any great society. People too often cling unnecessarily to obsolete ways of thinking and acting because of both a high comfort level and a fear of the unknown"

Write a response in which you examine your own position on the statement. Explore the extent to which you either agree or disagree with it, and support your reasoning with evidence or examples. Be sure to reflect on ways in which the statement might or might not be true, and how this informs your thinking on the subject.

Ans:
Opponents, refuting the idea of changing, often think that change might cause confusion, worry and problems. These people are referred as narrow-minded and insular in views because they fear the unknowns of the future. However, a close examination reveals that change is necessary, and a change would bring improvement and development to a society.

First and foremost, a change will always bring progress to a society. These progresses are crucial to a country in the long run for development. A big change does not happen in just a few days; it is often the effect of years of hard work. The education system in Malaysia faced a big change in the year 2002- All science subjects are taught in English instead of in Malay language. This change has bettered students' lives and improved the chances of Malaysian students getting accepted in universities overseas.

Besides the long-term benefits of a big change in terms of advancement, a small change which seems insignificant will bring improvements to a society too. Moving away from a city to a country side might be a start. This type of change will let retirees see things in different ways and might give artists new inspirations and directions.

But , beyond the long-terms benefits of big change and short-terms advantages of small change, there are always people unwilling to make new changes. These people are afraid of the unknowns of the future and drawbacks of a new change. With technological changes, many traditional skills have become obsolete. Cell phone, which allows for convenience, has been used to replace telephone. The change would not have been possible if the idea of using cell phone were controverted in the first place.

While it may now be evident that a big change rewards investment in the future, it should also be apparent that a small change improves lives in the long run for development. In summary, change is necessary, and it is a great investment for everyone.

Writing Feedback / 'a great political leader must have wits and tact' - Gre issue essay [4]

I recently encountered the issue essay below while practicing for my GRE test. I took 37 minutes to write the essay . Any comments are appreciated. Thank you so much.

"The perceived greatness of any political leader has more to do with the challenges faced by that leader than with any of his or her inherent skills and abilities"

Write a response in which you examine your own position on the statement. Explore the extent to which you either agree or disagree with it, and support your reasoning with evidence and/or examples. Be sure to reflect on ways in which the statement might or might not be true, and how this informs your thinking on the subject.

Ans:
A good and competent political leader must have the wits to solve unforeseen problems and always be prepared to face the insuperable challenges ahead of them rather than flaunting his or her innate skills in a campaign. Everyone is born with a special set of skills and abilities but the greatness of a political leader is determined by how well a political leader responses to a dilemma.

First and foremost, a political leader is a symbolism of a country. A political leader must be tactful and resourceful. While tact and wits are not skills that are born with, experience, especially experience solving challenges, becomes the most important qualification of a political leader. A political leader often needs to communicate with other diplomats and a good communication will result in a good relationship between countries.

However, experience is not the only element that defines a great political leader. A great political leader does not run from disaster. In fact, a great political leader will protect his or her citizens and fight to the death if necessary. For example, President George W. Bush did not avoid the 9/11, he stayed and fought for United States of America.

Although innate abilities and skills do not define a great political leader, there is no harm of having them. Inherent abilities and experience gained from facing challenges would be a perfect combination for a perfect leader. An innate skill of a political leader in music might even encourage the development of musical industry of a country.

While it may now be evident that a great political leader must have wits and tact, it is also apparent that experience build up a good image of a great political leader. Greatness must be perceived in how much a political leader has contributed, and not about how much gifted a political leader is.