Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by christyzhongs
Joined: Aug 26, 2012
Last Post: Apr 25, 2013
Threads: 7
Posts: 21  
Likes: 1
From: China

Displayed posts: 28
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
christyzhongs   
Apr 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS - children learning foreign language in young age; brain under development [2]

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school
Do the advantages of this out weigh the disadvantages?


Today, children start to learn a foreign language at primary school, which was being taught at secondary school. I agree that the benefits of learning a foreign language earlier are more than the disadvantages.

It is obviously that children are easier to learn a language in their early ages. A child in a family with members speak more than one language can speak multiple languages naturally. Because the brain is under development for language learning in our early ages, children can learn the new languages without any effort if the environment is provided. Besides, the subjects in primary school are more base and easy to learn, children have more time to practice the new learn language with classmates in a well-designed class which provided a suitable language environment with enough guidance. As a result, they can use the foreign language as their mother tongue.

On the other hand, there are some drawbacks to learn a foreign language in primary school. First, not all the primary schools can provide the foreign language course. In that case, when the children who have no chance to learn the language, grow up and attend the secondary school, will find the variance and a big gap in language learning. Thus it may make them lost the interest or refuse to continue the study. Second, the young children may lack of self-control. They may spend lots of time on playing and ignore the language learning. However, I think if we can standardized the policy of language learning and make it mandatory in primary school, as well as design more attractive content to make sure children can learn with interest, we can prevent the disadvantages.

In conclusion, children can get more benefit if they start to learn a foreign language in primary school, they can learn fast and use it as their mother tongue. However we still need to provide the suitable environment for their language learning, motivate them on time and give them enough guidance.
christyzhongs   
Apr 25, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay - Teenage years are the Happiest time of life? [2]

Some people think that teenage years are the happiest times of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Some people think that the days attending school are the happiest time of most people's life while the others think that the adults are happier excluding the greater responsibilities. In my opinion, I prefer the former idea as I think younger means you still have a lot of time for dream.

On one hand, teenagers have the happiest time. Firstly, they don't need to worry about money which their parents have prepared for them. Almost all the parents would try their best to fulfill their children's wishes. Secondly, they can spend all the time in learning the new knowledge and do excise to build a healthy, strong body, which is a day-dream for many adults in work who have to sit in front of the computer all the day and no time to do exercise. Finally, they have time to have a dream of their future. However, some students/parents would complain the heavy homework and the endless exams which occupied all their free time for hobbies. But I think that is affordable and students still have long holidays between the school terms to relax and their hobbies and dream.

On the other hand, some people think adults' life is happier in spite of greater responsibilities. They can earn the money to buy what they want to have, because they are using their own money. As they had finished the school and gained the required certifications for the job, they no need to worry about the exams any more. In that case, adults can have more time to cultivate their own hobbies. But unfortunately, in current fast pace world, many people cannot enjoy the life outside work and being occupied in work for a whole day, until mid-night, in order to keep their job and earn the money to support their daily life.

In conclusion, I think young generations have the happiest time because they no need to worry about the daily life and have time for dreaming.
christyzhongs   
Apr 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY- Old people are more valued than the youth? [5]

Hi, Lorica

Please find my suggestions as following:
1. I like your first paragraph that you state your clear opinion with reason.
2. In 2nd paragraph, i feel the 'For instance, the cosmetics ads on the screen may make people feel that the cosmetic companies are run by the youth. On contrast, showing the youth on the screen is only a way to attract more clients' attention and the leaders of the company are mostly old.' not supporting your 2nd point.

3. In 3rd paragraph, i would suggest you add one example to extend the length of your paragraph.
4. The last point in 3rd paragraph, i feel a little bit not relavant. I think there are still some points can talk
like : old generations should take a rest and give more job opptunities to young generations
Old generations may not keep pace with the world, not familiar with the new technology/trend/use the old concept to manage the company/ react slowly, too much considerations ----it may leads to failure in the mordern world.

I like your 2nd point actually, maybe you can give an example like Bill Gate.
5. The last paragraph, you would better emphasized you view in paragraph 3 and 4, and give your opinion again.
christyzhongs   
Apr 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay:Being a celebrity,the benifits are out weigh the problem? [3]

Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits.
Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?


There are advantages and disadvantages of being a famous person, although it brings problems together with benefits, in my opinion, the benefits are out weight the problems.

Being a celebrity has several benefits. Firstly, it is well known that the super starts earn a lot of money, which leads to a better quality of life. Secondly, it is amazing that your work can entertain millions of people. Take the film stars as example, they can experience different types of life during acting which we may not able to try in our daily life. And later on, the movie can bring a lot of fun to our life. Finally, it represents of successful of one's life. Only the most talented among them will reach the top and gain their followers.

On the other hand, it is obviously that being a famous person means losing the personal life at the same time. People are always interest in the latest news about their idols which leads to more and more press corps following and reporting everything around them, no matter how small piece it was. In this case, the celebrities need to control their behavior and be a role model all the time. Besides, the career may be short. For example, a sports career may only last for 10 years and it its easy to end up by injure, and the pain on the body may remain for the whole life. However, I think their contribution can be reminisce by people for a long time

In conclusion, I believe that being a celebrity can gain more money, life experiences than the ordinary people and lead a successful life, which are out weight its limited freedom and the shorter term career, because the wonderful moments can be remembered by other people for a hundred years.
christyzhongs   
Apr 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / Who is responsible for Medical Services ? [6]

Hi, Lorica,

First, I would like to highlight that you IELTs essay is not long enough(only 240 words), please remind that for IELTs essay, you need to write at lease 250 words in essay 2. (and the best lengh is between 250-300 words)----not long enough will minus your score

Second, avoid some template sentence, like "Just as a saying goes, every coin has its two sides." --- it might let you lose some marks.

Third, please remind the simple gramma mistake like "the main purpose of these companycompanies is" .

Besides, one more point was also pointed out by Dumi's last comment, you need to think more about the topic sentence.

At the last paragraph, you would better have quick summary for your essay and state your opinion again.
christyzhongs   
Apr 7, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Try new things or repeat things we know? [6]

Hi, Norza, your essay's length is OK, with 296 words.

But I think you would better think of your supporting sentence for each point of view. like your 2nd pharagrah, the teacher example seems reluctantly, and I am confuse on the meaning of 'no budget for the change'.

Maybe you can think of the following points for 'no change'
Doing well - they are proud of their current positions; got respects from others; finish the jobs quickly
Stable - less pressure, work life balance,
...

Hope it helps. thx.
christyzhongs   
Apr 7, 2013
Letters / Letter to employer stating problems in the job [2]

Hi, Abhi

Good essay with clear sentence to answer all the questions. Please find my suggestions below:

All transactional data are stored locally in computers of accountants, and later they copy it manually into the balance sheet.

I think it should be corrected like following: All transactional data are stored locally in computers of accountants and later copied into the balance sheet manually.

This leaves a lot of room for error andwhich is not a recommended practice.
christyzhongs   
Apr 7, 2013
Writing Feedback / We are rational individuals and our lives should be driven rather by reason than immediate instincts [8]

Hi, Denis, good essay, and I think you already have a pretty good writing skill, you can write 260 words in 25 mins with large range of vocabularies. Better than me :)

As Dumi said, you would better state your opnion at the openning, normally at the last sentence.

Besides, sorry that I got a little lost in your 2nd paragraph, as you were used 'On the one hand' 'On the other hand', I think you would state your opinion in both sides, provide the oppsite views, can you tell me what's your points on the 2nd and 3rd paragraph?
christyzhongs   
Apr 7, 2013
Writing Feedback / 'bigger market'; Live in small town or live in a big city? ; IELTS [7]

Hi, Malhamed, I agree with dumi that for IELTS essay, you need to write the required words(no less than 250 words), you essay is 201 words. You would be lost your score on this.

besides, you would better provide more supported points for your opnion. or you can write sth about the oppsite.
christyzhongs   
Dec 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / External/ internal Reasons for School dropouts & possible measures ;IELTS [4]

Hi, I think you can talk about the mesures in the same sequence as the resons you listed
external:
family problems-->government should initiate free education ...making parents aware about the need of education can also reduce the surging school dropouts.
Society problems-->it is necessary to stringent the rules to completely prohibit the child labor as well as child marriage in order to reduce the ongoing school quits

internal:
Certain Internal reasons -->some awareness campaign about the need of education & help children aware that lack of education may lead to unemployment in future
christyzhongs   
Dec 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / Changing jobs frequently?I feel it's good to continue at least for six years (IELTS) [4]

I my essay I will explore the benefits and drawbacks of both views.

Hi, you would better not use such 'template' sentence in your essay.
for example, you can revise it as following:
I will explore the benefits and drawbacks on changing jobs frequently.

As the essay didn't ask you to provide your opinion, you no need to state your view at the end.

Your essay with 441 words, it's too long for a IELTS essay.
christyzhongs   
Dec 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Learning foreign languages is common now. Good or Not? Can prevent drawbacks [8]

Don't ever end an essay with 'In conclusion". The conclusion should speak for itself and the reader should read it so that they can tell that you are concluding.

Hi, Thanks. Any good suggestion on the ending?

Also, when the question says mother tongue, does it refer to the language of the country from which a person came? If a person is a Chinese immigrant, then their mother tongue is Chinese. But if that's the case, I don't see how the government can actually take a role in protecting the Chinese language, a mother tongue of an immigrant.

I'm not stand on the side of immigrants. For a immigrant, he/she has to follow the residents, learn and speak the main language at that place.
christyzhongs   
Dec 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Learning foreign languages is common now. Good or Not? Can prevent drawbacks [8]

Foreign languages are taught in all levels of schools and other educational institutions. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? What can we do to prevent the loss of our mother tongue?

Nowadays, we can learn foreign languages in all levels of schools and some educational institutions. Personally, I agree with the idea that it is a positive development thought it may impact our mother tongue, and I believe that various we can do to prevent the drawbacks.

Learning foreign languages can benefit people a lot in modern world. To begin with, every language brings its own culture and it is an asset of human beings, learning other languages can help us to enrich our horizons and develop our intelligence, imagination and creativity. People who speak more than one language can have a better career development. They have more chances to get a job in the international companies or work in different locations around the world, which also motivate them to be success in their career. As a result, it is a positive development that foreign languages education is spread among the people.

However, if one language is dominant, the other languages may disappear, we should protect our own languages though we are encouraged to learn foreign languages. The government should develop some polices to ensure mother language is used in schools and the mainstream media. Besides, we should preserve our own culture and strengthen the ethnic cohesion through education. For instance, school can hold some activities, like visiting the historical museum, to let students to learn more about the history. The last thing we can do is to make our country stronger and improve the economic strength.

In conclusion, it is a good trend that foreign languages learning are spread among the people. To prevent the drawbacks of the foreign languages, we should protect our own languages as well as the cultures through government policies, education and the economic strengthen.
christyzhongs   
Dec 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / Main function of universities; Well-rounded graduates [3]

Hi, I like your conclusion. clear state your ideas.

I feel the below sentence is a bit strange. try to revise it.

Therefore, in case that teachersimpart knowledge on the ability to learn besides employable skills, students have a greater chance to survive the societal competition in the long term.

christyzhongs   
Dec 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / IElTS: benefits and drawbacks of urbanization; urbanization is a phenomenon [6]

Hi, Good essay with clear structure. I am also new here, try my best to give you some suggestions.

There is no question that people who live in urban areas benefit from many facilities, such as access to education, healthcare, social services and cultural activities

It is no doubt that/ It is true that people who live in urban areas are benefit from many facilities, such as access tobetter educations, healthcares, social services and cultural activities

in your conclusion, you would better response to the question "What are some benefits and drawbacks of urbanization?"I feel you only talk about the drawbacks.

"
christyzhongs   
Dec 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / Intentional tourism can promotes people to understand and respect other cultures [13]

International tourism creates tension rather than understanding?No ; IELTS

Thanks all for the good suggestions, may I know how to change the title? It seems that someone change my essay's title? I'm now pratice the IELTS writing, so I'm not sure why the title would be changed to 'No ; IELTS'
christyzhongs   
Dec 20, 2012
Writing Feedback / [IELTS Essay] Serveral langages die out every year, Is it not important? AD [5]

Several languages die out every year, that is not important because life will become easier if there are fewer languages in the world. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There are some languages disappear every year. Some people think that is not important because life will become easier and efficiency if people no need to spend their limited time to learn and understanding other languages. However, I don't agree this opinion and I think we should protect all the languages exist in the world.

The main reason that we should protect the languages which is dying out every year is the language brings its own culture. It can preserve the culture and strengthen the ethnic cohesion. For example, in my hometown, there are lots of old songs in Cantonese about the traditional events which can bring people think of our culture once hear the songs. Besides, we would like to speak Cantonese with our special assent which can make us feel more close to the others. Moreover, maintain the language diversity could help to promote international peace and understanding. We also can learn different languages and cultures to enrich our mind.

On the other hand, it is true that the communications would become easier if all of us use one language in the world. We don't need to spend time to learn a new language and we can understand the others more easily. As a result, we can have more energy to keep pace to the new technology in the modern world. However, I cannot image how the world would become if only one language remain in the future. The cultures may be damaged. For example, nowadays, not all the people can recognize the ancient symbols carved on the stone thousand years ago. So we cannot fully understand the culture in the past.

In conclusion, we should protect the languages which are dying out to preserve its cultures and strengthen the ethnic cohesion. Moreover, we can learn one common language to improve our communications with others in all over the world and make the life easier.
christyzhongs   
Dec 12, 2012
Writing Feedback / Intentional tourism can promotes people to understand and respect other cultures [13]

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, people would like to travel to other countries for medication, education, entertainment or participating in work related matters etc. So the international tourism becomes the biggest industry in the world. I do not agree that international tourism creates problems between cultures. In fact it promotes people to understand and respect other cultures.

On one hand, local people may easily misunderstand others from foreign countries. For example, cheek kissing is the most common greetings in Europe. But in China, it is a gesture using between for lovers. If people are unaware of certain culture differences, it may make others feel uncomfortable or misunderstand the intention behind it. However, people can learn to understand the other cultures from books and internet. Firstly, people can find books about the cultures all over the world, like the travelling stories and guide books, thus they can learn more about foreign cultures by just staying at home. Secondly, with the internet, people can find the information more efficiently throughout the powerful searching engines.

On the other hand, tourism promotes people to understand and respect other cultures. Tourists spend money, thus it creates employment in services like commendations, transport and entertainment and helps to improve the standard of living. Foods from other places of the world have been imported and the different kinds of restaurants have been built in big cities. Moreover, tourism can bring more cultural exchange and deepen their insight into another culture. For example, people in China also celebrate the Christmas like the west countries in recent years.

In conclusion, it is true that different culture may cause some misunderstanding between peoples, but I believe that the intentional tourism can promotes people to understand and respect other cultures, thus culture assimilation would become the trend in the world.
christyzhongs   
Aug 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: Air transport is increasingly used to export agricultural products. [4]

Air transport is increasingly used to export agricultural products to countries where they are not grown or are out of season. Some people think this is a good thing while others think this is unjustified. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, we can easy to find American Grapes, Thailand rice, mango etc. which are not grown here or out of season in the supermarket. That's because the air transport is widely used to export or import agricultural products between countries. Is it a positive development? Personally, I feel that whether it is good or bad depends on the individual's attitude.

Firstly, importing the agriculture products can give people more choice on the food selection. For example, vegetables are hard to grow in some desert area, but people still can enjoy the fresh vegetable every day benefits from the air transport. Moreover, different kind of vegetables or fruits contains different ingredient. If we can buy the other country's product, it can help us to have the choice to maintain a more balance diet.

Furthermore, exporting goods to other countries can help the exporter country to expand its superiority of agricultural and bring more profit to the economy. It also provides more job opportunities for some industries, like the agricultural, transportation and trade etc.

On the other hand, selling the imported products may have negative impact on the local agricultural that's why some people think it is unjustified. It is easy to image that if the imported goods with a better quality are in the similar price as the local product, people properly would choose the imported product. That result the local products are dull of sale. Besides, it is not eco-friendly because air transport use massive amount of fuel and greatly add to global warming and pollution

In sum, using air transport to export or import agriculture products is good to both countries and their citizens. But it would be better if government can make some rules to protect the local industries. At the mean time, individuals should buy the local organic food and support the environment friendly brands.
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳