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Posts by joythblessy
Joined: Sep 24, 2012
Last Post: Nov 30, 2013
Threads: 86
Posts: 272  
Likes: 15
From: India

Displayed posts: 358 / page 7 of 9
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joythblessy   
Dec 28, 2012
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, radio is being replaced by TV and the Internet. [5]

hai..

I am confused with your essay..

Doubted about the word strength..because most para includes 2-3 sentances only.

You need to work harder.

Broadcasting is included Television know...?

Other media gives the opportunity of audio visual effect.

In the conclsion para, i feel it is better to use to conclude, or in conclution..instead of using finally.

Read more essays..

Best of luck..

Tessy..

Please exclude spelling mistakes as i am using Mobile
joythblessy   
Dec 28, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY, couples decide to have children later in their life. [2]

Hai Dev...

Nice to read the answer of the latest question...

===> ....financial steability and macturity...

Conclusion===> you used as twice..

Having....advantages, as they face more problems .... age. It is advic....

over all a good attempt..

Tessy

( please Exclude spelling mistakes, because of mobile use....)
joythblessy   
Dec 27, 2012
Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) college degree is less valuable now compared to the past? [14]

Hai Dumi...

Can you give a clear guidence about jinoop's comment...

I am including more points in my essay because, if the same question will repeate in the real exam even a part if it, the forum members can write at least two points..thats why i am giving more ideas to others.

In my personal experiences, i found all my previous exam questions in this forum.i really repend that, i joined the forum late..

Thanks...

Tessy..
joythblessy   
Dec 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) college degree is less valuable now compared to the past? [14]

hai Jinoop...

Thanks for clarification...
Thanks for the sentance...

I want to tell you tell you humbly that..i wrote...

In this age of economic crisis, university degree is vital to get a decent job.

In this sentance i explanined todays condition...: that is comparison with the past..
university degrees are vital..: the importance of university degrees today

I hope that is the answer which question demands...

Please read twice....

Thanks for your time..
I too using mobile and i know how difficult to comment one essay..

Thanks..

Tessy...
joythblessy   
Dec 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) college degree is less valuable now compared to the past? [14]

Is a college degree is less valuable or respected now than it was in the past?

A university degree is universally accepted as the document of one's knowledge in depth. However, many people feel that the value of a college degree is diminished now, while others oppose. In this essay, I will explain why I feel that universities are not devaluated.

To begin with, education is a golden key to prosperity. In this age of economic recession, university degrees are vital to get a decent job. Increased levels of education will open the doors of opportunities for students. They can take a profession of their choice, and enjoy doing it, instead of being forced to take a low waged job that they dislike. Besides, a university degree is not just a key to job opportunities, but an answer to personal development. People become more independent, creative and bold. A gainful employment is the basic of a financial stability and can provide a better life for their family and dependents. Thus, their living status and self-satisfaction will increase.

Apparently, education means getting to know and understand yourself and the world. The more educated people, the better the world will be. As they know their rights and duties, they will be an asset to the country. Another point is that, educated workers are not only productive but also attract foreign investment. Most importantly, education is an investment for the future. Presently, many countries are allocating a large portion of their budget for education hold testimony to this view. Moreover, every successful company seeks for employers who have university degree since a college degree serves as a proof that the individual has a good amount of learning ability. Furthermore, people need to learn new skills and courses in order to stay in the workforce of this rapidly changing world.

In conclusion, university degree not only provides deeper knowledge, but also plays an important role in the personal and economic progress. I personally feel, in this age of globalization and liberalization, the value of university degrees are surging day by day, and it will continue in the future too.
joythblessy   
Dec 26, 2012
Writing Feedback / We need more efficiency and security so the machine work is better [5]

Hai....
: For those living in a big modern city===> what about a lady in a village, using mixer grinder instead of traditional grinding stone...?
In this technological era some people feel doing work with...
:Yes, machines... more formal...====>Undoubtedly...
: ASTRONOMY TECHNOLOGY...?
: Furthermore, machine can help humans out of repeated work with even more accuracy and security.=====>furthermore...machines can relieve human from repeated work even with more..

;People don't like repeat, boring work for a lone time and might make some ====>for a long time and...
:That made them feel a little more===> That made them feels a little more

:Not only could those machines give the freedom for drivers but also give more security from one's careless mistakes :===>these machines not only gives freedom for drivers, but also provides more safety from careless mistakes.

However, today it is another matter. we have intellectual machines equipmented with automatic control system===> another matter is that we have equipped with intellectual machines with automatic...

: You used However, more than once, so change one, use nevertheless....
: However, something cannot be handled good enough by machines, especially basic math practice for children===> However, there are so many things, which cannot be handled well enough by machines, especially basic math practice for children.

For a little lazy girl, It could set me free from boring calculating:===> As a little lazy...boring calculations
Conclusion also there is some problem...

Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / Changing jobs frequently?I feel it's good to continue at least for six years (IELTS) [4]

Hai Peter..
Thanks for the greeting and wish you the same..

I am really happy to read 'open for discussion'

I organized my essay, in this way, one para on each view, which include merits and demerits of one view.
So i included it...

Chief...
I think the meaning of this is the most important one...
I believe that adaptability is the most important factor in any where in our life..versetile and dynamic improves their personality more...correct me if it is not true..

You are welcomed to ask or discuss further, in any opints in my future essays too.
Thanks..

Tessy.

Hai cristy...

Thanks for correction..
I am aware of the conclusion and word strength...
Thanks a lot...

Tessy...
joythblessy   
Dec 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) Advertisements encourages to buy unwanted things? [6]

Hai Alphy...

I believe it is not the number of negative point but the weight of each point is considerable..

In an agree disagree question, For agreeing the argument, it is better to keep the number of sentence nearly equal in each para, but add more stronge points in agree para..

Hope you got it...

Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / Changing jobs frequently?I feel it's good to continue at least for six years (IELTS) [4]

People have different job expectations for job. Some people prefer to do the same job, for the same company. Others prefer to change the jobs frequently. Write advantages and disadvantages of each viewpoint.

In this modern fast world everything is keep on changing. It is applicable to jobs too. Some people prefer to change the jobs or even the workplace constantly, while others hesitate to adapt the frequent changes. I my essay I will explore the benefits and drawbacks of both views.

Working for the same company for a long period of time might help people to establish a solid position in that company. As they know the routine of the company and the higher authorities, it will be helpful for them to maintain a smooth relationship with work and life. Their long experience and loyalty are beneficial for higher benefits such increment in salary, bonus, pension and so on, according to seniority. Furthermore, this offers respect from other employees and they become eligible for higher position or promotion. Most importantly, the steady income, and job security are pivotal in this age of economic crisis to lead a standard life. Moreover, they can plan their future in a better way and the savings for future gives financial security and peace of mind. For instance, they can plan the higher education of their children early by starting a small recurrent fixed deposit from their regular income. As it is a small amount, it will not affect the budget and in future, it becomes a big amount. However, the monotonous job may feel boring or de- motivated for so many people and their quality of work may suffer.

On the other hand, there are so many reasons to support changing jobs. Chief among this is that, as they are more versatile and dynamic, they are able to cope with the challenges in their work place in a better way. Another point is that, it improves their employability. Working in several different jobs means that they have more skills. Additionally, constant changes enable them to enrich their life experiences, which is an integral part of an exciting life worth living. They will never get bored in one job or left unemployed, as they have differential skills. Nevertheless, employers may not trust in these people, as they are not loyal. Apparently, the continuous shifting of houses, schools are detrimental for leading a steady life. The problems and challenges of a very new environment are not always favorable. The insecure jobs and income may put their life in a miserable condition.

In conclusion, be loyal to a company and changing jobs frequently has its own merits as well as demerits. One should think deeply about it before choosing either. In my perception, I favor in continuing one company or same job, at least for a period of six yrs.
joythblessy   
Dec 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / Shifting large factories to countryside helps solve traffic&housing issues... I agree [6]

Hai Dumi,,
Thanks for the correction...

Hai Pahan...

Thanks for the correction..
i agree that is the fact..
But i believe that, it is not important what we believe, but how far we are able to convey an idea. It is not necessory that we must write what we believe in reality...

Ha..ha..ha...
Thanks for the comments..
Tessy...
joythblessy   
Dec 24, 2012
Writing Feedback / Shifting large factories to countryside helps solve traffic&housing issues... I agree [6]

Traffic and housing problem in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

In order to utilize the better job opportunities and living standards in the cities, nowadays people are favoring to live in cities. At the same time, large companies and their workforce make the congestion in cities more severe. In my perception, it is better to shift these large institutions to the county side.

To begin with, there are so many benefits in shifting large companies to the countryside. People often are attracted towards the better living standards and facilities. If these large companies are moved into the village areas and provide better facilities for it's employees such as schools, shopping complexes and so on, it will give a different experience to the villagers. Consequently, the living standard of these remote villages will improve. Secondly, the living cost in the villages will be less, compared to the cities. The availability of larger areas also will be a blessing for big companies. If they allocate place for their employees' accommodation near their companies it can reduce the need of living place in large cities for this work force. It undeniably drops the shortage of housing and thus the rent of lodges.

Most importantly, the traffic congestion in the cities always makes the city life miserable. The roads in the cities are not only used by the commuters, but also by the public. It leads to severe traffic block in the city roads especially in the peak hours. This paved way to air, land, water and noise pollution and associated problems. If the vehicles of these employees are reduced, obviously, the traffic on the roads will be considerably trim down. The easy movement of vehicles and good condition of roads enable the city dwellers to enjoy their life in a better way. Moreover, the reduction in the rent and easy availability of lodges improves their living standards.

In conclusion, by relocating the large firms and their workforce to the countryside is beneficial to both the companies and the villagers. This in turn, relives the traffic problems and housing issues. Admittedly, this will improve the living standards of the people in the cities and countryside.
joythblessy   
Dec 23, 2012
Writing Feedback / Government should support student's or professional athelets ? Students! [3]

Hai Alphy..
You have some good points..
But it didn't come out nicely..You have lots of spelling mistakes.
Careless writing...,(: without proper full stops or coma. Sentence, name, country name all should start using capital letters.
Your essay is difficult to understand because of inappropriate coma and full stop use.
Take simple topics as you are a biginner...
Read more essays..
If you send you mail id I will tell you something more..
Before posting the essay read at least twice..
Work har...der...
SORRY....if my comment is sharp...or hurt you...
All the best...
Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 23, 2012
Writing Feedback / External/ internal Reasons for School dropouts & possible measures ;IELTS [4]

Hai Monu...

good attempt...
some corrections..
dropouts can be discriminate as: external reasons as well as internal reasons===> discriminate..?
I feel classify/ categorize is better here..
dropouts can be discriminate as: external reasons as well as internal reasons==> dropouts can be classified as external as well as internal reasons
what about internal reasons..?

highly significant avoiding school dropouts===> highly significant to avoid school dropouts
Finally by making parents===> use some other alternative word,(in addition, besides)
Measures
; Midday meal programs
: Stipend for poor students
: Good infra structure and friendly atmosphere in school
: Concession in transport.

Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 23, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS topic. animal experiments have more disadvantages over their advantages [4]

Hai ...
You have good points..
Some corrections...
universities, medical schools, pharmaceutical companies has ===> universities, medical schools and pharmaceutical companies has...
Many drugs and treatments that are discovered need to be tested===> Many new drugs and treatments are needed to be tested...
As a result...===> long sentence..,(37) unable to model? not clear (.
people's brain===> human brain
side effects would be countless===> side effects would be unfavorable..
The price increases ...===> long sentence..,(40)
it provides realiable results===> it provides reliable results
development biology===>?
the price which has to be paid is too great when===> the price, which has to be paid, is enormous when...
Tessy
joythblessy   
Dec 23, 2012
Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) Cigarette advertisements should be banned completely? [6]

Cigarette addition is attributed to the uncensored T.V. advertisements of cigarette. For this reason, all cigarette advertisements should be banned.

'Smoking is injurious to health', both for active and passive smokers. As people are more inclined towards the advertisements, so many people would like to see a ban on these unhealthy products commercials. In my essay I will explore the reasons why I am totally agree with this idea.

Admittedly, uncensored television advertisements are one of the most solid reasons of initiating smoking among young people. To catch the eye of more people, advertisement companies put all their best efforts to make it more attractive, such as using celebrities, colorful scenes, good songs and so on. Young generation believes that, what is coming in this commercials are true. As they are not mature enough to distinguish the right from the wrong, they follow it blindly and take up the smoking habit. Moreover, most of them are hero-worshiping and like to imitate what their hero is doing. As a result, these uncensored advertisements put the lives of young generation in trouble. Additionally, banning smoking advertisements and making it less socially acceptable are seems to be most effective against smoking. For instance, if young people see fewer picture of people smoking on T.V, they are less tempted to use and assume that, it as a bad behavior.

Furthermore, young generation is the future of the country and smoking leads to healthy problems. Smoking causes issues from simple allergies to dangerous lung cancers. A healthy future generation only can contribute in the economic progress of the country. Most importantly, it affects the non-smokers through passive smoking. It is the responsibility of the Governments, to provide their right, a smoke free environment. Besides, these non-productive sick people are burden on family, economy and the government. Though it provide tax for the government, it is not even sufficient to give medical facilities for those who are sick after enjoying this bad habit. Governments oblige to allocate more money for this purpose and it is a waste of taxpayers' money. Other family members also suffer and it leaves unfavorable impacts on their family budget and living standards.

To conclude, it is undeniably true that, uncensored cigarette advertisements can cause insurmountable problems to people, family, society, economy and governments. We should take all possible efforts to reduce these adverse impacts. Let us dream a smoke free society and support complete ban on cigarette commercials both censored and uncensored.
joythblessy   
Dec 22, 2012
Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) Computer will diminish the writing skills [3]

Schoolchildren are becoming far too dependent on computer. This is having an alarming effect on reading and writing skills. Teachers need to avoid using computers in a classroom at all costs and go back basic study skills. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, modern technology has totally changed our approach to study. In fact, some people believe that modern technology does many of our day-to-day activities, both for young and adult, which in turn will adversely affect our lives. Especially children may lose developing their basic skills such as reading and writing. In my opinion, combining old methods and new technology will be beneficial.

To begin with, the advanced technology plays an undeniable role in the teaching learning process. Access to internet with computers has opened up a new world of information for not only students but also teachers. We can collect the knowledge about anything at any time under the fingers by using internet. Furthermore, new technologies are using to teach alphabets, numbers and words to little children. Through different programs and games, they enjoy and learn these essential skills. Undeniably, in many countries, students no longer have to copy their note by hand from the black board, instead the teacher give them a photocopy. These typed assignments and notes, are much easier to read and are much neater.

On the other hand, the knowledge of writing, reading and spelling are pivotal in every body's life. Undoubtedly, these skills are deteriorated by the over use of computers. The computer even checks the spelling and grammar as they go. As it needs less effort, children may neglect their basic skills such as spellings and writing. It is true that, hand written documents are not look neatly when compared with typed ones. Nevertheless, lacking this skill may create detrimental effects on these children's future lives. They should learn the basics of spelling and grammar. It is impossible to use computer everywhere. Beside, handwriting is a personal identification too.

In conclusion, though technology can have its own merits to improve the quality of teaching learning process, over use of it can cause unfavorable impacts especially on small children. It is better to use the technology to impart these skills in children than blaming it or to shifting to old ways.
joythblessy   
Dec 21, 2012
Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) Advertisements encourages to buy unwanted things? [6]

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisement tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which you agree?

Undoubtedly, in this competitive world, advertisement plays an important role in the buying nature of the consumers. It raises a controversial issue whether the advertisements compel us to purchase more than our need or it improves our daily lives. However, I believe that wise use of advertisement can uplift our lives.

The vital function of the advertisements is to inform the costumer about the entry of a new product, the manufacture, content, price or a service. It guide people through the market and services and a blessing for those who have not enough time to search all these things and enables better choice. Thus, it is informative and useful.

On the other hand, advertisements not only inform us about a new product but also force people to want them. In other words, modern commercials not merely matchmaker of a consumer but, actually interfere with the buyer's desires and creating artificial needs. For instance, an advertisement of pain relief equipment compels you to buy that, even though your pain is relieving by a pain balm. Additionally, the buying pattern and success of a product is highly depended on the publicity of that product. This shows the importance of advertisements in determining the success of a product. On the contrary, there are so many products, which meet the requirement of the consumer failed to catch the eye of the society due to the lack of knowledge about the product.

Admittedly, many companies allocate a major share of their budget for introducing new products and using wisely for hiring celebrities, making attractive advertisements, giving discounts, providing after sale discounts and so on. Being attracted by the spell of advertisements, people used to buy things, which is even not necessary. Moreover, commercials oblige us to buy things just because they are fashionable or up to date and not because our old one is no longer useful. When a successful person or celebrity introduces these products, people blindly believe that, to become up to date in the fast world these products are inevitable.

In conclusion, advertisement is important, as it provides valuable information about a product. However, it is wise to learn more details of the product and compare it with our real needs before choosing a product. Then only, these advertisement are favorable for us, otherwise it will be a mere wastage of money, time, energy and resources.

(Please help me to improve my conclusion and other mistakes ).
joythblessy   
Dec 21, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS:The best extra-curriculum activity, sports, community activities or traveling? [5]

if a student has....text books: ===>if a student has travelled to Japan he or she can get first hand experience about the culture, language and life style of Tokyo, compared with simply learning from text books.

If a student...he or her: ==>he or she

Broden adolescents' horizon ==> broden adolescents' horizon of knowledge and experience

Tessy

ce
joythblessy   
Dec 20, 2012
Writing Feedback / ( IELTS essay) ageing population: impacts on society. [5]

In countries like Japan, the population is getting older, are the effects of aging population on society is negative or positive. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The advancement in technology improved the life expectancy of people. As a result, the number of old age people is significantly increased. These aged population, has both positive and negative impacts on society. I feel it has more adverse effect than positive impacts.

To begin with, graying population can be detrimental to the society as a whole, with its impacts on health care, labor market, economic productivity and on taxation. Firstly, there may not be enough people to work. The economy may be less productive and the government may bring foreign workers. Secondly, employed senior citizens may lead to unemployment to the young generation. Thirdly, there will not be enough young people to look after the aged people. They might have to move old age homes.

An another point is that, elder people don't buy many anythings or to spend a lot of money. This also will reduce the economic growth. Lastly, the financial burden of the Government will surge. They may allocate more money for pension payment, medical allowances, maintaining old age homes and other concessions for senior citizens. They cannot earn lot and less tax return. All these, badly effects the society.

However, not all effects have to be negative. There are some advantages in having lots of experience in life and work. Moreover, some are extremely wise and experienced to take the responsibility to govern an important institution or even a country and lead to prosperity. Additionally, elder people can teach their grand children well. They drive carefully, may reduce the road accidents, not steal or fight, diminish conflicts, and will be less competition for jobs or other needs.

In conclusion, we should appreciate the beauty and potential of the youth and the advice and experience of the old. However, a society with young generation will progress fast.
joythblessy   
Dec 20, 2012
Writing Feedback / Competition and Co-operation should be there moderately ;IELTS [3]

Hai...

Pupil nowadays have no enough time ==> not enough time.

Though your essay meet the word strength of 250 words, In first glance, it feel the strength is below 250words. A busy examiner, may not have enough patience to count the word strength. I personally feel you can put two sentences in each para, which may feel the essay more heavy..

Tessy.
joythblessy   
Dec 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / iIelts essay;government should expand the road or car owners [4]

Hai...Alphy...

Monu..
Read the essays of others as much as possible..
Take simle questions to practice first, slowly shift to complicated..
Spelling mistake also is there..

You need more and more practice...

All the best..
Tessy.
joythblessy   
Dec 17, 2012
Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) Corporal punishment to discipline children? [4]

Some people believe that corporal punishment will spoil the children. While others believe that, it is the best method of teaching discipline to children. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Many parents use physical punishment to discipline their children. Others prefer to use different methods to reward good behavior or punish misbehavior. It became a controversial issue nowadays. However, I am partially agreeing the physical punishment. In this essay, I will explore the both sides of this argument.

Admittedly, there are many reasons to allow corporal punishment. First point is that, for childrens' better future, it is vital to teach them discipline form their childhood onward by using appropriate methods including physical punishment. Some parents feel it is difficult to manage small children without physical punishment. The second point is that, it is quick and effective. For instance, it can be useful to smack a two years old child quickly, who is creaming unnecessarily. Thirdly, as it is more memorable, it deters them from repeating the same mistake in the future. Significantly, it will help them to learn the right from the wrong in a better way if use properly.

Nevertheless, if parents are allowed to hit their children for the sake of teaching discipline, some parents may lose control and can injure children. They may find it as an easy way to release their stress. It will lead to more physical and emotional damage on children. It further spoil the good relationship between the child and parents. Particularly, when it not proportional to their age and seriousness of the crime. For instance, beating 16 yrs old who came late from school once is not good as smacking a screaming 2years old child.

Additionally, physical punishment is banned in some countries and schools because of some solid reasons. Chief among this is that, this will protect the child from abuse. Another point is that, it teaches the children that they can use force to make others to do what we want, especially when didn't understand their mistake. Besides, small words of appreciations and motivations are not only, beneficial for children to understand their mistakes and think about it, but also, to develop and follow good habits.

In conclusion, physical punishment causes adverse impacts on childrens' life. In my perception, it can be a useful method of discipline in small children, if used carefully, as a last resort.

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