Pahan
Dec 2, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Mission trips and the church' - Someone who has made an impact - App Essay [3]
You have understood the topic of the essay correctly. This is a topic that is very common and sometimes it is hard to understand what the essay really requires.
I have a few suggestions for you.
.... There are a few issues in this sentence. Try rephrasing it like this.
That was the day that me and my beloved father were separated.
which was only a 5 minute walk from our house.
It seemed as though the youth pastor, Pastor Walton, took a liking to me.
My dedication and passion towards the church since childhood were noticed by all and as a result, Pastor Walton made me the Leader of the Youth Team.
Your essay is a good one. Hope my suggestions makes it better. :)
You have understood the topic of the essay correctly. This is a topic that is very common and sometimes it is hard to understand what the essay really requires.
I have a few suggestions for you.
That was the day when I have been separated with my beloved father.
.... There are a few issues in this sentence. Try rephrasing it like this.
That was the day that me and my beloved father were separated.
which was only 5 minute walk away from our house.
which was only a 5 minute walk from our house.
Right away, it seemed like the youth pastor, Pastor Walton, took a liking of me.
It seemed as though the youth pastor, Pastor Walton, took a liking to me.
My dedication and passion towards the church since my childhood were noticed and as a result, Pastor Walton promoted me as the Youth Team Leader
My dedication and passion towards the church since childhood were noticed by all and as a result, Pastor Walton made me the Leader of the Youth Team.
Your essay is a good one. Hope my suggestions makes it better. :)