Writing Feedback / 'Influence: How and Why People Agree to Things' - SAT April 2006 [3]

Hi, This is an SAT essay. Please grade it out of 12 and give me some feedbacks.
What do you think of the intro, thesis, conclusion?
What do you recommend regarding examples?
Is there any weaknesses or flaws in the essay?
Please be harsh as much as possible !

Prompt 1
Inconsistency is commonly thought to be an undesirable personality trait, and inconsistent people are viewed as indecisive and weak willed. On the other hand, firm commitment to an idea or plan of action is associated with personal and intellectual strength, stability, and honesty. Thus, once we have made a choice or taken a stand, it is best not to change.

Adapted from Robert B. Cialdini, Influence: How and Why People Agree to Things

Assignment : Is it best not to change our ideas, opinions, or behaviors? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observation.

Essay:

Starkly different views rose to the fore while debating consistency and commitment to a certain kind of behaviour thought. Some argue that sticking to an unchangeable approach is foolish and even a mark of dogmatism. Historical figures like Martin Luther King as well as fictional characters proved that consistency is the most effective approach to succeed and perform.

M.L.King was a vociferous speaker and activist who took a tough stand to fight for human rights and especially a persistent perspective toward blacks' right to live harmonically with whites and to enjoy an equal social status. He was clear, strong and honest to challenge the stereotypes, misconceptions and bias. He made it crystal clear to American community through his inspiring speechs, notably "I have A Dream" speech, that he shouldn't resign or withdraw from the battlefield of human rights. The fight for equality requires a strong-willed leader who fears neither persecution nor intimidation. Ultimately, de he was assassination in the early 1970s, but with his high commitment and devotion, America managed to scramble out of the dark and to develop blue-sky ideas about ethnicity and diversity. Had he changed his ideas and believes, America could probably suffer further from the woes of segregation for a long time after.

Similarly, in the dystopian vertigo comic novel "V for Vendetta" by Alan Moore, V, an anarchist revolutionary dressed in Guy Fawkes Mask, began an elaborate campaign to bring down an abusive government who enslave the citizens of the U.K., force them to work in concentration camps and execute every rebel. He urged his counterparts to say "enough" to the oppression and to go street to fight. Across the novel, V was the target of government spies and intelligentsia who tried to capture him and murder him in public. But all these constraints and threats could never deter him from fighting for freedom. He was brave, bold and consistent in his opinions and ideas. British people succeeded thanks to his insights of resistance and perseverance, to eliminate the fascist Norsefire Party officials, topple the government and thus free the U.K.

Being strongly devoted and a defender of an idea or a thought is a vital quality for leaders and activists in order to emerge their ideology and insights. A careful analysis of V for Vendetta and Martin Luther King struggle demonstrates how social change is associated to strong commitment to ideals and perceptions.

Writing Feedback / "Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed?"SAT Essay CB Study-Guide 2004-2005 [2]

Hi, This is an SAT essay. Please grade it out of 12and give me some feedbacks.
What do you think of the intro, thesis, conclusion?
What do you recommend regarding examples?
Is there any weaknesses or flaws in the essay?
Please be harsh as much as possible !

Prompt:

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

People who like to think of themselves as tough-minded and realistic tend to take it for granted that human nature is "selfish" and that life is a struggle in which only the fittest may survive. According to this view, the basic law by which people must live is the law of the jungle. The"fittest"are those people who can bring to the struggle superior force, superior cunning, and superior ruthlessness.

Adapted from S.I. Hayakawa, Language in Thought and Action

Assignment: Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Essay:

In the jungle of modern world, people engage since birth in a harsh competition. Success and glory cannot, thus, be achieved overnight or by a slice of good fortunate. That's why clearly, being highly competitive, persistent and hard worker are the necessary ingredient for success.

Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, was fully aware of the dilemma he had to face. He must invent a sophisticated electronic device with magnificent application and a smooth use. But, it wouldn't be easy. He kept in mind that the market is completely full of business magnets, tycoons and bright minds. As a result, he started his tough competition by introducing Apple products that are new, well-crafted and a state-of-art. By being competitive, Steve Jobs succeed and rapt the fruit of his wit, wisdom and long sight. He demonstrated that one should think, challenge the obsolete and compete with high level of commitment and dedication. He understood the rules of the game and competed with teeth and nails. Ultimately, he achieved not only success and glory but also immortality due to his revolutionary approach and competitively.

Similarly to Steve Jobs experience, Adam Smith's book "For The Wealth Of Nations" illustrates the basis of capitalism by putting emphasis on competitive market. He conveys the idea that society cannot five a reward for the sluggish, the dull, the overbearing and the reticent who shun competition and prefer to watch. The book suggests that the prosperity, the thrive and the progress of a nation are based on a competitive-economic system which favored creativity, and glorify the hard-working and skillful. In a word, economic exalt manifested in growth, high GDP and low unemployment rate is the result of a competitive people who demonstrates their character, resilience, perseverance and persistence in the market.

To sum up, I find that competing, struggling and fighting for the right to contest the greatest prize in life which is success, is vital in modern life human maze. No one could perform or find a ground-breaking theory or crafting a revolutionary technological device without consecrating his mind, forces and abilities in life completion.

Writing Feedback / "Is it more courageous to show vulnerability than it is to show strength?" SAT January 2015 [2]

Please grade my essay out of 12 and give me some feedbacks. ( Icturn87, I really need your help)

Prompt 1
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

We are often told to "put on a brave face" or to be strong. To do this, we often have to hide, or at least minimize, whatever fears, flaws, and vulnerabilities we possess. However, such an emphasis on strength is misguided. What truly takes courage is to show our imperfections, not to show our strengths, because it is only when we are able to show vulnerability-or the capacity to be hurt-that we are genuinely able to connect with other people.

Assignment: Is it more courageous to show vulnerability than it is to show strength? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Essay :
" Behind this mask there's more than flesh, behind this mask there are truths and truths are bulletproof ", so reckons V in Alan Moore's V For Vendetta vertigo comics. As for as human needs, desires and tendencies grow, people tend to veil their raw faces in order to make phobias, fears, deep emotions and weaknesses mysterious for others. Sometimes pretending to be strong and showing vigor while masking flaws is not only misleading when it comes to communication but also destructive because it's the stems of a huge collapse.

Showing strength is a trend used to hide people's lack of confidence, self-esteem and cowardice. From my experience, I learned so from my friendship with a guy who shows to all mates that he is bold, undefeated and brave. All school feared him and consider him as the ultimate guy. But, in a summer of my senior year in high school, we went in a trip and we camped in the forest. It's was an unforgettable experience that stripped away his masquerade. We discovered that he's a creepy, foolish and childish guy with muscles who feared from dark. It was really a nightmare for him but this experience revealed a lot about his real personality. We understood that showing vigor and strength is not at all courageous, but being open , making all clear and discussing fears and flaws is rather courageous. Finally, we are human being and we certainly have vulnerabilities as well as strength.

If we consider history and if we analyze facts in a broader perspective, we will certainly come across Soveit Union's last breaths. In the eve of its collapse in the mid 1985s, Soveit government seemed as strong, wealthy and politically stable as the U.S. Propaganda media depicts luxiourious surburs of Moscow and Leningraad, protray the economic prosperity and show the happiness the happiness of a country. But, in the inside Soveit Union was experiencing ethnic stife, political unrest and an economic plummet. The image was totally misleading and fake. It demonstrate Soveit officials' irresponsability and cowardice as they hide truths , shun facts and reality and couldn't face social dilemmas head on.Tragically, Soveit Union fall apart in 1991 and its countries shattered. Hidding truths has never been a boon but a fertile soil for eventual setbacks.

In summary, I can blurt that interacting with others, pouring out emotions and showing all is the mark of a bravery.

Writing Feedback / "Do people benefit from from reality shows, or are harmful?" SAT March 2011 [3]

Well, I am preparing for the SAT. Please grade my essay out of 12 and give me some feedbacks !!
Thanks in advance!

Prompt 1:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

Reality television programs, which feature real people engaged in real activities rather than professional actors performing scripted scenes, are increasingly popular. These shows depict ordinary people competing in everything from singing and dancing to losing weight, or just living their everyday lives. Most people believe that the reality these shows portray is authentic, but they are being misled. How authentic can these shows be when producers design challenges for the participants and then editors alter filmed scenes?

Assignment:

Do people benefit from forms of entertainment that show so-called reality,or are such forms of entertainment harmful? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Essay :

There's no doubt for experts, psychologists and even producer that TV reality shows are the marks of Low Culture. Judging from American reality shows, I can affirm that these shows generates stereotypes, encourage a type of unsafe behavior and falsify truths.

Jersey Shore (U.S. TV show) is a well known program featuring contestants who live, eat, drink and party all together in a shore in New Jersey coast. These popular show breed misconception, bias and prejudices across the nation. In fact, the use of the term "guido/guidette", a slang referring to urban working class Italian-Americans, is a stab to America's tolerance and diversity. This show offends, attack and disdains a notable minority through comments, jokes and by calling names. It's all in order to attract masses and earn a higher rating. These stereotypes, widely tolerated in the program, are disgraceful and have a negative influence, especially on youth. By watching this show, Could they have a blue-sky thinking and an open-mind? How could these stereotypes enhance their understanding to reality? What image is painted in their minds about minorities? Ultimately, policymakers and authorities should question at what extent America could preserve its cultural harmony, while such reality shows are aired on national TVs.

Again I can point to TV reality programs charged to "discover" young artistic talents as The X-Factor series, American Idol and Dancing With The Stars. In fact, these shows falsify facts and generate illusions. They make youth envision success, fame and glory as easy to acquire. They make young people believe that they could be stars of Pop just by participating in a show. Besides, fame enjoyed by some in these shows is fake and momentary. Unfortunately, they are not aware of reality and ignore the fact that it's critical for a young talent to struggle, work hard and persist in order to be famous. In a word, art reality shows portray a soft, easy and a highway to success just to gain more money from ads and sponsors and raise the number of audience. Finally, a real artist is not born over night. He is the fruit of practice and perseverance.

Therefore, "reality" is a misnomer. These shows of low culture target masses to desire of easy stardom and glory with little or no reference to what life is really about. To go further, some reality shows threaten social diversity and disdain differences.

Writing Feedback / Is using humor the best way to approach difficult situations and problems? SAT October 2009 [3]

Please grade my essay ou of 12 as harash as possible and give me some feedbacks.

Prompt 1:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

Both in society and in our own lives, today's problems are serious and require serious solutions. Increasingly, however, people are taught to laugh at things that aren't usually funny and to cope with difficult situations by using humor. They are even advised to surround themselves with funny people. There is strong evidence that laughter can actually improve health and help fight disease.

Adapted from Marshall Brain, How Laughter Works

Assignment:
Is using humor the best way to approach difficult situations and problems? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

Essay :

Since the dawn of time, humans were used to resist the pressure and to cope with sticky situations, using jokes, humour and jacular comments. It's seems that humour is straightforward, deep and meaningful enough to solve problems regarding its witty and metaphoric style. Martial, the early Roman poet, epigrams and Moliére's plays give us solid evidences from history and comedy art about how effective humour is.

Martial (40 A.D- 104 A.D) was a well-versed Roman poet. He introduced his wry epigrams to point to social and cultural issues. Roma was a thriving empire at that time. But doctors used primitive , hostile and inconsistent practices to deal with patients' health problems. Their inexperience and ignorance suggest that bleeding a patient would relive his pain. Their harash practices lead sometimes to an agonizing. Regarding all this atrocities in the field of medicine, Martial addressed a jovial epigram to a doctor to make people as well as Roman athorities aware of this mess. He said «You sir used to be a doctor, but now you are a murderer». Romans understood the paradox. His wry and funny epigrams, ulitimetly, pushed Emperor to start deep reforms in laws, health practices and educational system.

Moliére's comedy play 'The School Of Wives' point to cultural disease in Europe during the 17th century. His play staged in Paris, made all people from all social stratas laughing-out-loud, while watching Arnolphe's attitude toward the opposite sex. In fact, he feared the well-educated, the cultivated and the liberatrice women. He prefer to marry a stupid woman because he thought that a woman should idiot in order to be totally contoled, manupilated and even enslaved by man. The play reveals a lot about the society that need a revolution of minds. He addresed seriously to the majority of men in France and Europe as well. His comedy put it on the track to tighten the gap between the two genders and to establish a liberal view toward women.

In conclusion, I reckon that humour is effective and sometimes vital to address the wrongs, espicially when it comes to wide-spread social and cultural dielemmas.

Writing Feedback / "Does planning interfere with creativity?" SAT January 2009 [2]

Please grade my essay out of 12 and give me some feedbacks...

Prompt 1:

Planning lets people impose order on the chaotic processes of making or doing something new. Too much planning, however, can lead people to follow the same predetermined course of action, to do things the same way they were done before. Creative thinking is about breaking free from the way that things have always been. That is why it is vital for people to know the difference between good planning and too much planning.

Adapted from Twyla Tharp, The Creative Habit

Assignment:

Does planning interfere with creativity? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

My essay:

There's a fine line separating a good planning and « too much planning ».People whose plans are accurate, concise and witty are the authors of innovative achievements and creative performances. Throughout history, scientists, successful entrepreneurs and business magnets - those who made revolutionary findings- shared this perception toward creativity.

Marie Curie , 1926 Nobel Prize laureate, was a scientist with a strict yet, flexible plans as she drowned deeply in the world of Atomic Physics. In fact, she worked in a open-air field, containing a large number of unstable chemical elements whose origin was mysterious. She planned, meticulously, to discover the secret behind the rapid change in the field's atomic structure but she can't at first describe or understand the phenomena. But, with a slice of good fortunate, she discovered that the disintegration of elements leads to the emission of radiations: Alpha, Beta, and Gamma. Finally, she gave born to a new branch of physics which is Radioactivity. The experience of Marie Curie proves that a good planning pave the way to success by generating some brilliant lucky opportunities.

Lawrence Page, the co-founder of Google, was a rigorous planner who adapts his ideas and shapes his perspective according to the circumstances. At a young age, he planned to start his own firm, with no governmental financial aid, as opposed to ordinary young entrepreneurs. He made a wide research about means to finance his new-born project. His successful creative approach came from a well-structured plan. Had he invades the world of business with neither experience nor planning, he would probably end up in jail due to bankruptcy. And, it would be no wonder like Google, the biggest research platform on the Internet.

I can make it clear, finally, that creative performances came from a wise and good planning but I must underline the fact that exaggerating can kill the project, the startup or the new-born scientific theory. So, it's critical to be aware how to vitalize smart ideas with unique and flexible plans.

Writing Feedback / "Is imagination less valuable than facts and objectivity?" SAT Novembre 2010 [2]

This is an SAT Essay. Please grade my essay and give me some feedbacks.

Prompt 2 :
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
Most people are so impressed by facts and objectivity that they do not appreciate the use of imagination. They worry that our imaginations get us away from reality, distort our views and perspectives, and, worst of all, are unscientific. As a result, using our imagination and other related activities such as appreciating art or music or being creative are often considered the "frosting"-the nice extras in life-rather than vital pursuits that are crucial to everyone.

Adapted from Rollo May, The Courage to Create
Assignment:

Is imagination less valuable than facts and objectivity?Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

My essay :

I cannot help but believe , despite my slight ambivalence, that the trend of forgoing facts and reality and drowning in the illusion of dreams and imagination is destructive. I will prove , through literature and the history of science ,that imagination can be by no way more valuable than facts and objectivity.

At this context, Emma Bovary, the main character of Gustave Flaubert's novel « Madame Bovary », was a dreamer who was never satisfied. Her tendency to escape from reality and facts by dreaming -of perfect husband, unlimited wealth and prestige - rendered her into a passive , immature and foolish person , who run away from ground facts and reality. She was always envisioning to marry with an idol man who has power, money, high-social status and especially romantic attachment to her. All her weddings failed because she fall always in the abyss of adultery, betrayal, dissatisfaction and despair. She failed to build a family and to made her dreams true. Her fertile yet impossible imagination made her overbearing, dull and sluggish. Had she understood that she should stick to facts and real life, she would probably be a happy person. Ultimately, her blindness lead her to suicidal and that's the high cost of immeasurable imagination.

Objectivity is an effective approach in order to discern right from wrong, especially when it comes to science. In fact, Medieval Europeans were attached to metaphysical imagination about science and refused to give up their hallucinations about knowledge, science and the universe.They thought that the world is a disc and believed in Ptolemy's geocentric theory. Thus, they hindered progress. Contrarily, Enlightenment philosophers and science used a different perception. They relied on objectivity while dealing with scientific enigmas and ground their findings on empirical evidences. They discovered the heleocentrism of the universe and proved that the world is spheric.Finally, their pure objective thinking changed the world we live in and released thousands of illusions and misconceptions from people 's minds.

Dreamers and those who rely only on imagination to solve their problems will end up failing. Escaping from real life facts is thus a mark of weakness and limited critical thinking. Objectivity is rather the tool to bring quality and success to human existence.

Writing Feedback / "Is it possible for a society to be fair to everyone?" June 2013 [5]

Well, I am preparing for the SAT. At the moment, I am working hard for the essay part. Please grade my essay out of 12 and give some feedbacks.

Thanks for advance!!!

Prompt 1:

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
Our cherished notions of what is equal and what is fair frequently conflict. Democracy presumes that we are all created equal; competition proves we are not, or else every contest would end in a tie. We talk about a level playing field, but it is difficult to make conditions equal for everyone without being unfair to some.

Adapted from Nancy Gibbs, "Cool Running"

Assignment: Is it possible for a society to be fair to everyone? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

My Essay:

"All the world is a stage ;And all men and women merely players", this is how humans live, as Shakespeare reckons in his master piece "As You Like It,", despite what democracy and reason suggest, people engage, since birth, in a harsh competition in which people's chance are unequal. And no matter what we do, society will remain fair to some and unfair to others.

Prejudges are one aspect of thinking in which society is completely subjective and unfair. During the 18th and 19th centuries, White race was considered as the ultimate race, proclaiming all the rights, society view every White as honest, smart, beautiful and thus superior. At the other side, most of other races were considered as barbaric, violent, ugly and thus inferior. Blacks in the U.S. suffered a lot from persecution, segregation and hate. All this sufferance took place in a country that prides its blue-sky thinking and its role to protect people's rights manifested in the Bill of Rights, enacted in the late 1600s. Not to mention, other societies where hunger, illiteracy and social strife is common place. During decades, society was unfair to Black and more broadly to ethnic minorities, this fact demonstrate that it is quite impossible to be fair to all.

At this context, I can point, also, to my experience. A friend of mine was brilliant in solving enigmatic mathematical problems. He had an astonishing capacity to deal with complex algebra, equations and geometry. But, in addition to his poverty, he has limited abilities in languages especially in English. Consequently, he failed to get accepted in U.S. universities because of his weakness. Had he get into one of the U.S. top universities he would probably achieve something great in the field of science. But, society and hard realities were against him, he was a great mind but, lacked the opportunity to show up and shape his skills. Ultimately, he ends up, in the street working volatile jobs to earn money for food and shelter.

Society is nothing but a race in which competitors have starkly different abilities; some are weak, others are strong, which is unfair but it's our life and none can escape human tragedy.

Writing Feedback / "Is it possible to be a hero in the modern world?" SAT December 2010 [3]

Please grade my essay out of 12 and give me some feedbacks...

Prompt 1

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
Again and again we hear the complaint that we have no heroes anymore. Heroes-people who should be admired for their great courage or noble achievements-are no longer recognized in our modern world. Many people, in fact, believe that heroes existed only in the past. But this belief is wrong. Because more praise is given to the latest technological innovation than to one individual's heroic achievements, we may not be aware of our heroes, but we do have them.

Assignment:
Is it possible to be a hero in the modern world?Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

My Essay:

The modern world turns to transform progressively into a digitalized area, where technology invade all fields and take control of human life. But, as long as this hostile and cold jungle is omnipresent, heroes of our modern time appear to warm our existence and put an end to the reign of technology when serious social dilemmas -as injustice, inequality and poverty - and psychological diseases rose on the fore.

Mohamed Bouazizi, the emblem of 2011 Arab Spring, is one of the bravest men in the history of revolutions. His self-immolation was the catalyst for Tunisian Revolution. In fact, he set himself on fire and sacrificed his life pushing Arab people to revolt and to fight furiously for freedom, dignity and social justice. And despite the role social media has played to spread liberal ideas and to unmask Arab rulers corruption, violence and oppression, no electronic device can make an emotional, social and spiritual impact as the act of heroism Bouazizi has made.

For a broader perspective, philosophers, artists and activists are modern time heroes. They need to be praised for their massive effort to save human soul: its raw, emotional and spiritual part. By admiring a work of art, we pour out a pool of secrets, we feed our imagination and we satisfy our thirst for serenity and purity. With the heroes' insights of philosophy and art, humans manage to escape from the claws of cyber addiction. These truths are

the food for thought that we need much to face the ferocity of modernity. Those people with the finest minds are the heroes of our times that we are not aware of them.

To conclude, I can assert that each historical era has its heroes and even if technological innovations are more valuable to some people, electric devices can never replace heroes who lead nation, defend values and stand for human rights.

Writing Feedback / Imitating others can only be positive if it aimed to learn from others' experiences and findings [2]

Ok, guys, I just took another practice SAT essay..here it is...any constructive comments, advice, help is appreciated...also can you guys grade it for me out of 12, as objectively as possible? Thanks!

SAT January 2008:

Prompt 1:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

It is better to try to be original than to merely imitate others. People should always try to say, write, think, or create something new. There is little value in merely repeating what has been done before. People who merely copy or use the ideas and inventions of others, no matter how successful they may be, have never achieved anything significant.

Assignment:
Is it always better to be original than to imitate or use the ideas of others?Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

My essay:

Throughout history, great men were people who are bold enough to clamber out of the box, avoid the beaten track and thus introduce their original thoughts and style to the world. Contrarily, imitating others has never brought neither quality nor radical change to human's existence.

Walter Lewin, MIT physics' teacher, was famous for his unique and special lectures that make mechanics, waves, magnetism and electricity funny and accessible topics. His series of lectures "For The Love Of Physics" inspired millions of students not only in MIT but also around the world. Had he followed the traditional pattern of bleak and dull courses, he would never reach such incomparable fame and success. His original style, based on animated, vivid and jocular study, fired him to glory and help him to instruct a whole generation of young thirsty scientists.

Adam Smith, the genius of economy, established the pillars of capitalism in his book " For The Wealth Of Nations". His unique approach toward economy helped him to set a new economical philosophy that helped Europe to get rid of debilitating, unfair and unproductive feudalism. By rejecting and neglecting others' conformist ideas, he inspired Europe and The U.S. to reach the peak of economic growth manifested in intensive industrialization, social prosperity and comfort.

Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft, was a creative mind who dear to challenge and surpass old ideas. He forgo others cagey advises and put his energy to shape a special perception in the field of computer science. Ultimately, he produced Microsoft, the invaluable creative and revolutionary software, which earned him global praise, glory and money.

In summary, I can underline the fact that imitating others can only be positive if it aimed to learn from others' experiences and findings, at first step. But, changing the face of the world by unique thoughts, ideas and approaches.

Writing Feedback / Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? SAT June 2011 [3]

Please grade my essay out of 12 and give me some feedbacks.

Prompt:

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.

Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive.
People think that to hide one's thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts
or feelings. They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.
Adapted from J. David Velleman, "The Genesis of Shame"

Assignment: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

People wonder why we should make secret all our tendencies, feelings and thoughts in order to drown in privacy and mystery so that no one can invade our personal territory. For me, I believe that it is both unreasonable and short sighted to put a massive effort for saving privacy.

Nietzsche once said: "Silence is worse. All truths that are silent become poisonous". Besides, It's completely human to confess and to express our deepest thoughts and feelings. So, I think that people should pour out their emotions because it can unveil a secret treasure and put in light a pool of talents. In fact, those who demonstrate in public their meditations tend to pocess a strong-will, courage and pride. They are the ones who dare to point to their own mistakes and sins as well as their skills and insights. They are bold enough to put their unique fingerprint not only in their community but, also, in the human history. As a matter of fact, poets, philosophers, men of art and scientists were at a young age the worst criticizers to themselves. They were afraid and shun showing off their talents in order to avoid disdain and mockery, but when they speak up and face the world with the fruit of their meditation, all the humanity can't help but take a bow and applaud. At the other side, people who hide, pretend and avoid self-expressing moments will stay in the shadow of other's opinion, chased with fear, hallucinations and despair. At this stage, shame will kill their uniqueness and prodigy. Those thoughts are the truths that are kept away from the eyes. Those feelings and inculcations could turn to some art master pieces or to a ground-breaking scientific theory or to a witty philosophy. But, unfortunately, these ideas were hidden and that's why they are poisonous.

I can summarize by asserting that spending a huge effort to keep away a blade from the best workmanship which is human's thoughts and feelings,

is foolish because it deprive humanity from an expression that can be a boon for the world.

Writing Feedback / "Do people need to "unlearn"many of their assumptions and ideas?" SAT December 2007 [NEW]

Well, I am preparing for the SAT and I wonder if you guys , EF_Contributers and members , can give me some feedbacks and correct my Essay and grade it out of 6. Thanks for advance!!!

SAT Essay December 2007:

Prompt 1
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
The first problem for all of us is not to learn but to unlearn. We hold on to ideas that were accepted in the past, and we are afraid to give them up. Preconceptions about what is right or wrong, true or false, good or bad are embedded so deeply in our thinking that we honestly may not know that they are there. Whether it's women's role in society or the role of our country in the world, the old assumptions just don't work anymore.

Adapted from Gloria Steinem, "A New Egalitarian Lifestyle"

Assignment:
Do people need to "unlearn," or reject, many of their assumptions and ideas?Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

My Essay:

The world is drowning progressively in the abyss of wars and conflicts, which basically originate from humans' tendency to adhere to widespread believes, fixed ideas and old assumptions. They refuse to take a decision and give them up. As far as I am concerned, I firmly believe that we should reject many false ideas and prejudges.

To begin with, I think that rejecting some ugly misconceptions, biases and stereotype ideas is a need to build a bright future because it's vital for upcoming generation to clamber out of the box and reach blue-sky thinking. I see also that some ideas are poisonous in our modern world so it's time to unlearn them because at a certain level of dogma and ignorance , these ideas can lead a person to destroy himself and to ruin the harmony of a whole community. Besides, some of these ideas bread extremism, the ultimate wound of humanity. For instance, Christian Church, who ruled Europe during The Middle Age, was a serious stab to scientific research, liberalism and free thinking. Clerics tend to oppress people with brilliant scientific ideas and explorations because they refuse to give up their biblical false ideas about the universe, nature and humanity. Galileo, Copernicus and Kepler, those who established heliocentrism, the new perception of the universe were intimidated and persecuted. And only, when people give up its falsified ideas, they reached the Enlightenment manifested in the Age of Reason, a crucial period of history which saw Europe introducing democracy, freedom and economic prosperity.

I do believe, also, that unlearning too many misconceptions is the key to save a nation from civil war and ethno-religious sectarian strife because it paved the way to a tolerant society. In fact, The United States is a case in point. After enacting the rights of vote, desegregation and social equality in "The Civil Rights Act" 1964, U.S. proved to the world that it's vital for the American people- and generally to the humanity- to be socially compact and to destroy the idol of falsified believes about Blacks' inferiority and put an end to human rights transgressions.

To conclude, I see that human's mind should be as flexible as a rubber band in order to clearly distinguish the right from wrong and the true from the false without neither prejudges nor preconceptions.

Writing Feedback / "Does the success of a community depends on limiting personal Interest" SAT May 2006 [4]

Well, I am preparing for the SAT and I wonder if you guys, EF_Contributers and members, can give me some feedbacks and correct my Essay and grade it out of 6. I really need help. Thanks for advance!!!

SAT May 2006
Prompt:

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
It is not that people dislike being part of a community; it is just that they care about their individual freedoms more. People value neighborliness and social interaction - until being part of a group requires them to limit their freedom for the larger good of the group. But a community or group cannot function effectively unless people are willing to set aside their personal interests.

Adapted from Warren Johnson, the Future is Not What It Used to Be

Assignment : Does the success of a community-whether it is a class, a team, a family, a nation, or any other group-depend upon people's willingness to limit their personal interests?Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

My Essay:

Has union been a boon for the success of a community? Do we have to put the collective interest in the highest order and limit our innate tendency to act egoistically? Judging from recent history, I can firmly assert that success, brilliant performances and achievement are only the fruit of our will to forgo our selfishness.

A couple of axioms might be usefully underlined at this stage. In fact, I believe that insofar as each citizen or individual try to minimize his personal profit and instantaneous gain, the society will gain an unconditional support and a significant boost in order to accomplish a collective goal which is the ultimate achievement that makes citizens or members of community stick together. For instance the European Union (EU) introduced in 1957 as CECA, become nowadays the second economic force in the world. In fact, wealthy nations like France, U.K and Luxembourg demonstrate a high level of maturity, foresight and solidarity to poorer nations like former Soviet countries and Balkans' states who joined EU recently in 2000s. The policy of such close-knit community proved its success in many regions across Europe. Besides, EU managed to tighten the gap between nations, to increase in the average GDP, to decrease the overall unemployment rate and to lessen the tension in Balkans for example, despite setbacks as Greece Debt Crisis.

Sometimes, Forgoing personal interest is a duty and a nation must rather than a simple choice. In fact, Germany did not lose the WWI in the battle field but was stabbed in the back. In fact, motivated by their economic personal interest, Jewish business men, left-wing parties and Marxist signed the peace treaty with Allies authorities while soldier were in the fronts fighting. This stab in the back caused a significant loss in land, hard currency and paved the way to Nazis to take over the power in Germany. That's why it's crucial for individuals to limit their egocentrism.

Furthermore, a sport team, be it soccer, football or basketball team, mostly rely on the dedication and the integration of members. For instance, a member shouldn't act selfishly in order to be praise by sport pundits as Man of the match and achieve , consequently, personal glory and earn interest from bigger teams at the expense of the teams' success because it would be a huge loss to hours of training , hard work and perspiration. Ultimately, selfish person will generate hate, anger, resentment and conflict between teammates. At this stage, no dream can be achieved because selfishness in tantamount to failure.

To cap it all, I ponder that a community is best assimilated to a human body with its members working flawlessly to serve a specific task in order to preserve the overall harmony and sanity but if each member works for itself no value will be bring and the body will suffer from serious diseases.

Writing Feedback / "Is it necessary for people to combine their efforts .." SAT March 2015 [4]

Well, I am preparing for the SAT and I wonder if you guys , EF_Contributers and members , can give me some feedbacks and correct my Essay and grade it out of 6. Thanks for advance!!!

My Essay:

In a jungle of cement, people sharing ice-cold relationships are the marks of modern society set of values. At this level, successive setbacks make humanity aware of how fruitless individualism is. As far I am concerned, I see that individualism can be by no mean as effective as collectivity.

I do believe that some dilemmas cannot be solved without a close knit union between all members of the community. For instance "The Plague" by Albert Camus is a gripping tale of survival and resilience, of horror and madness and of the ways in which human kind, from doctors, to nurse, to fugitives, to vacationers confront death and poverty. In Oran, a coastal city in north Algeria, plague appeared and turned, rapidly, into an omnipresent reality. There was no room for hope without Men's united strong will, fraternity and compassion. With efforts combined, Oran survived finally, with a huge losses, and reborn after rising from ash and dust. Oran demonstrated through its brave people that persistence and dedication from a whole society is the only heal for such an uprooted evil.

Furthermore, I think that a combined human force is enough to preserve the vigor, the pride and the honor of a nation. That's why successful politicians and activists owe their success to the mass of a compact citizens .Winston Churchill through his two famous speeches "We Shall Fight On The Beaches" and "Blood, Toil, Tears and Sweat and" addresses to a British people , experiencing a state of grief, sorrow and stupefaction regarding the rapid collapse of Allies' forces against Nazis German invasion of Europe. He, the one who never lost his vision and foresight, rely on human resilience, resistance and unity. Besides, by a collaboration of intellectuals and labor forces he defeated the, so-called, invincible Germany and won , alongside the Allies, WWII. So, a strong united human capital is key ingredient to guide a nation from dark to light. Another example has to do with the fight for Civil Rights in the U.S. In fact, "The Bill Of Rights" written in the late 1600s was a giant a stride for the U.S in the road of Democracy, liberalism and freedom. This dream, which comes true, was achieved by a cooperative work including lawyers, social activists, law pundits, politician, journalists and citizens. It demonstrates how vital the combination of forces was for U.S. modern history.

To conclude, I must underline the fact that every collective work has its limitation but success, glory and achievements remains eternally the fruit of combined forces. So, individuality, no matter how proficient it may be, cannot match the quality of collective work and perform brighter.

Writing Feedback / "Is having too many choices a problem?" SAT Essay May 2015 [3]

Well, I am preparing for the SAT and I wonder if you guys , EF_Contributers and members , can give me some feedbacks , correct my essay and grade it out of 6. Thanks for advance!!!

SAT May 2015 Essay:

Prompt:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.
In today's complex society there are many activities and interests competing for our time and attention. We tend to think that the more choices we have in life, the happier we will be. But having too many options-choices about how to spend our time or what interests to pursue-can be overwhelming and can make us feel like we have less freedom and less time.

Adapted from Jeff Davidson, "Six Myths of Time Management"

Assignment: Is having too many choices a problem? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.

My Essay:

In the human maze , one can face plenty of choices ,during his surviving but only one is suitable to solve life's enigma and thus, achieving success and happiness .That's why, I firmly believe that we shouldn't have many choices.

The abundance of choices, be it in school, in social life or in family is the mark of a superficial personality.In fact,I believe that people who,for example, want to drink, to read a novel, to go for walk, to practice sport just to entertain lack critical thinking, wisdom and straightforwardness. At this point, I ponder that those people must engage in a mind-blogging meditation to drown deeply in each choice, analyze it thoroughly , criticize its lapses and then make nothing but one choice because insofar as a person fails to make up his mind and pick a unique choice for him, he will fail to build a clear perspective in life , he will struggle to fit with his unreasonable lust to experience all the possible choices, though, he can not materialize any of them because he have no vision. That's why I believe that the diversity in choices could lead a person to mental, illness, grief and despair.

For a broader perspective, I see that a government leading a nation, be it developed or under-developed country, who considers a lot of choices for economy, foreign policy or demography, is doomed to fail to achieve people's dreams and aspirations. For instance, I believe that, this type of government will be the cause of a systematic mess in all fields. And at certain level of suffering or injustice, the country will explode, riots will topple the head of the state and chaos will reign. Arab Winter is case in point, from recent history. In fact after toppling dictators in Tunisia, Libya, Yemen and Egypt, fresh governments failed to stick to a clear plan that's why chiefs were perplexed, lost and thus weak. They tried plenty of economic, social and financial choices without succeeding in any of them which caused stagnation in investments, a decline in GDP and a fall in states' status. Finally, Arab people suffered again from the same dilemmas: more unemployment, more poverty and more hunger. That's the high cost of having too many choices.

To conclude, I can assert that the diversity in interest can by no mean foster a sense of self-esteem and serenity for an individual and cannot, at a large scale, be effective to stimulate the prosperity of a nation.