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Posts by anfernee
Name: Jize Ning
Joined: Jul 19, 2015
Last Post: Jan 9, 2016
Threads: 6
Posts: 19  
Likes: 13
From: China
School: Nanya Middle School

Displayed posts: 25
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Jan 9, 2016
Undergraduate / Proud "Hoya Saxa" slogan. Why Georgetown? -----Computer science and more [6]

Hi Ivy, although compared to other "why essay," this one for Georgetown seems long. But it is characterized as a "long essay" with the "personal statement" in terms of admission. So I think I may have to write a lengthy version. As for the guidelines you suggested, I thought I actually to some extent had the structure when I wrote about the essay. Here is my outline.

1st paragraph: reflect on my experience and goals--- to become a citizen computer scientist

- reflect on your academic goals

2cd paragraph: Georgetown College's CS department and the study environment that attracted me.

focus on the reason of your choice "why Georgetown College"

3rd paragraph: A special program based on Georgetown's unique location and well-rounded resources helps me connect science to environmental protection.

4th: ending

As for

what are the attributes of this college that will not only benefit you academically but
more importantly, will benefit you as a person.

I think this idea is contained in the last 3 paragraph.

Since it is a bit long and I am confused with the structure problem, I thought I may need your assistance to restructure. Anyway, thank you, Ivy!
Jan 9, 2016
Undergraduate / Proud "Hoya Saxa" slogan. Why Georgetown? -----Computer science and more [6]

APPLICANTS TO GEORGETOWN COLLEGE: Please relate your interest in studying at Georgetown University to your goals. How do these thoughts relate to your chosen course of study? (If you are applying to major in the FLL or in a Science, please specifically address those interests.) (1 page approximately)

Mathematics and science are integrated into my life; not only are they emphasized in the Chinese education system, but such process of solving puzzles not limited to numbers and formulas also fascinates me. However, I often regretted about my lack of mastery in computer science when I could not contribute to the database building in the local environmental organization. When I decided to pursue higher education in the U.S., I was at first surprised by Georgetown's massive history and magnificent architecture style. But then, with abundant resources inside and outside of classroom that perfectly satisfy my pursuit of CS study and environmental protection, I believed that my dream to become a citizen computer scientist would be realized here.

As an international student whose mother language is a lot different from English, I always wonder if I will get lost in classes with hundreds of students. To my surprise, Georgetown has kept and been developing a small-size, solid program for prospective students. The relatively small department size by not means limits course offerings; instead, the department has provided introductory and in-depth courses in a variety of areas, including database systems, data mining and networking that draw my curiosity. In terms of further investigation, as courses in graduate level supplement those designed for undergraduates, I am able to take advantage of the comprehensive computer science curriculum in Georgetown, as an amateur, with boundless opportunities to get to know the burgeoning academic field. In addition to thought-provoking lectures and seminars, due to the high teacher-to-student ratio, even not as professional as seniors and graduate students, I will still be encouraged to participate in the inspirational interaction with the world-class faculty who excels at teaching and researching, and diverse fellows thirsty for knowledge like me. Since exchange of ideas has always been the key to success in the Internet age, during team project as well as independent study with the CS&E club and programming team, I will be prepared to handle problems on my own and also lead a whole group towards favorable outcomes. By cultivating such camaraderie as a part of academic preparation, the CS community, though in a larger campus, lets its special atmosphere of inclusiveness, supportiveness and innovation prevail. The bona fide friendships developed in 4-year college life will turn out to be enduring bonds between us when we step on the real society.

When I found the Program on Science in the Public Interest, my heart was instantly filled with excitement. The most globalized university located in the capital of the United States, got me thinking, why not learn from such international exposure and approach the growing environmental issues at a place where I can obtain first-hand information on relevant policies and industries? In this regard, the SPI program would help me to connect multiple disciplines and departments in Georgetown, such as departments of chemistry and biology, the Georgetown Center for the Environment and the Georgetown Program on Science, Technology and International Affairs, thus creating a unique path for me to analyze and tackle environmental issues. The community based learning through volunteering in DC leads me to various culture and perspectives by practicing knowledge absorbed from school. After seminars, Congressional Visits and internships with numerous company partners of the SPI, I desire to launch a student project on environmental sustainability, playing my role in the team as an initiator and programmer. This time, what I could do is far beyond setting up a database, but a brain that is ready for any challenge. All those endeavors, I am sure, will become intellectually rewarding and somehow improve the world I am living in.

Allen Iverson, my favorite basketball player among starry alumni of Georgetown, taught me to never lose myself to a slump. That is a quality shared by the Georgetown family and an important reason for beginning my journey here. With the proud "Hoya Saxa" slogan, I just want to embrace every morning and experience moments that will gradually complement my personality and illuminate my future.
Dec 31, 2015
Undergraduate / Why NU-Q? ----Dream to be a journalist [4]

Hi Louisa, actually I tried displaying the idea you mentioned, as you could see it in my last paragraph. Since journalism requires international perspective, language mastery and creativity. I agree what you suggested to combine those elements, the special location in the Middle East, the American education and my Chinese background. But I do need your help, if possible, to perfect such combination. I am worried about how to make a perfect connection between the "why major" and "why school."
Dec 31, 2015
Undergraduate / Why NU-Q? ----Dream to be a journalist [4]

Why NU-Q? Northwestern University in Qatar is not for everyone. Tell us why you think NU-Q is the right "fit" for your educational and personal goals. (1-250 words)

When I reflected on my past in high school, I found that that my old days in the TV station has set its stamp on my heart. Thus, I yearn to realize my dream as a true journalist in NU-Q. The comprehensive curriculum based on liberal arts context, not only covers required elements of journalism studies such as intensive English-writing training and information processing, but also includes other areas that will widen my perspective and diversify my thinking. With selfless assistance and individual attention, even as a non-native speaker, I am able to fit in the totally new environment, taking advantage of abundant research opportunities with knowledgeable professors. At the same time, thanks to the small class size, the genuine camaraderie of students with various backgrounds boosts the inspirational idea exchange that will generate everlasting benefits. Beyond academic preparation, the Journalism Residency program can acclimatize me to the demanding media industry: guided by veteran journalists, I expect to sharpen my professional skills by overcoming numerous challenges that cultivates leadership, independence and responsibility. Qatar, a burgeoning country that promotes industrial transformation, serves as a perfect platform where I plan to present my talents and explore countless possibilities.

Attending NU-Q is an adventure that I cannot refuse to join, that brings my Chinese identity and American higher education together, and then puts the combination into the international campus with individualized care. There I aspire to develop lifelong friendships, experience the intercultural communication, and step on a long journey without regret.
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / 'highly accomplished staff' - Why does Yale appeal to you? Yale Supplement [7]

Hi Olu, although you answered the prompt properly, since Yale is a highly competitive college, I think mentioning famous professors is not convincing or interesting enough. I can see the problem brought my the 100-word limit, but you can still write a well-written response. I see that you emphasized undergraduate teaching, so why not elaborate on it? It will be better to connect you to Yale than just listing names that AOs are already familiar with.
Dec 29, 2015
Undergraduate / A realization within culture... Supplement essay for the Princeton application [2]

Hi Anthony. I admire your excellent writing skills! You successfully show how you pass through the difficulties and become a stronger man. But I think the last paragraph, though you tend to relate your experience to Princeton, seems an abrupt ending. Since you have answered the prompt well, I don't think it is necessary to talk about Princeton, since I am sure there will be another prompt to ask you to do so. It is my personal opinion, and I believe you have your own approach towards this essay.
Dec 28, 2015
Undergraduate / Why JHU? ---How to Build Your Future Here? [3]

Rolling up my pants, I gingerly bowed my back to ladle river water into my mineral water bottle. I was not thirsty. Without specialized instruments, that was an unprofessional yet useful way to conduct sampling. Faced with environmental problems in my home country, I chose to join the Green Hunan Association, a regional non-profit organization of environmental protection, responsible for monitoring several factory outfalls around my home. Determining the water quality by observing sediments and pH indicators. Then government agencies contacted by us would come to stage to take over the violations. However, as the haze and fog permeate to a staggering extent, I doubt myself whether our relentless work is futile; the new problem that once threatened London and Los Angeles has come to China now. But I believe that Johns Hopkins University will raise my individual efforts to a higher level.

As solving environmental issues requires flexible thought pattern, the holistic, interdisciplinary essence of environmental engineering in Hopkins attracts me to build a sound body of knowledge that extends to other fields. To base engineering studies on liberal arts, the open curriculum allows me to take advantage of abundant academic resources related to environmental sustainability, such as public health, biochemistry and economics, to take a macroscopic view and conduct in-depth analysis. When I read student reviews, I found that prospective environmental engineers are not limited by the small department size but led by world-class faculty members and graduate students to directly participate in various research projects that correspond to their goals. By immersing myself in Refuel Our Future, civic engagement, and internships within Baltimore and beyond, I will also benefit from the invaluable assets of Hopkins outside of academic preparation.

Different countries have adjusted special treatments against local environmental degradation. Thus, during informative field trips and overseas studies provided in Hopkins, alongside aspiring fellows, I want to learn from those indigenous solutions, adding global perspectives to my international identity that I already possessed. I am ready to cooperate with inspiring professors, who excel at both researching and teaching, on data acquisition and independent projects.

I expect the camaraderie established through shared course selections, lab experience and even lunch breaks. Motivated to better the world by enhancing practical dexterity, the DoGEE community consisting of people from diverse backgrounds is a group that I am more than happy to join. I believe the collaborative atmosphere can help me to overcome culture shock and turn out to be a true leader through team work. Coupled with being a member of the DoGEE family, I will embrace the exciting career as a professional environmental engineer, who welcomes incessant challenges, innovates in renewable technology, and shoulder social responsibility for future generations. Johns Hopkins University is certainly my starting point.
Dec 9, 2015
Undergraduate / Instead of chosing IIT - my country's best institute - I want apply to MIT [3]

Trust me. MIT does not want you to write all about "I love MIT" stuff in this essay. You should know that the prompt asks for a response about how your environment has made you as a person. It seems childish that after about 18 years, your family, clubs, schools, communities just make you a person who wants to go to MIT. Please, write something interesting, special and personal. The admission committee already knows your love about MIT. So, tell them what distinguishes you as a strong applicant they want to admit.
Nov 3, 2015
Undergraduate / 'math within a field of computer science' - Mathematics Essay for Governor's School Program [2]

this WEAKNESS[quote=rpeopler]which primarily entails being able to practice this technique successfully.

this could potentially jeopardizea MY prospective career as a computer scientist,

which primarily entails being able to practice this technique successfully .

My adoration and dedication toward these subjects of mathematics contributes to my goal to pursue a career involving them.

However, fundamental algebra and calculus are imperative within this area as well, which I can successfully perform as if it is an innate talent.

However, I can still master fundamental algebra and calculus, which are also important in computer science.

While myriad mathematicians are indubitably masterful within their appropriate subject it is quite comprehensible that they can improve within certain areas.

l willassist me in comprehending HELP ME COMPREHEND the underlying concepts of applied algebra

Could you show your prompt? I think we can better help you with a prompt.
BTW, this essay is good. You clearly showed your passion for maths and what you will do in the future.
Oct 25, 2015
Undergraduate / What did I wrong? I will never be perfect - common app essay [3]

was TO allow this team to beat us.

I was aware OF and frightened by the fact that either

Since the softball game, whenever I am asked to speak in front of a large group of people, I instantly recall the time I failed the team. The fear of bringing other people, especially myself, down has haunted me for years now.

---- I feel that you can use the past tense as you are now not fearful anymore.

Actually, I really like your writing. It is descriptive, straight-forward, and informative so that readers, such as me, can feel the self-challenge, the conflict, and the fear you once had when you failed at the game.
Oct 24, 2015
Scholarship / Study in UK question for scholarship. [3]

The University of Leeds has wide range of opportunities for international students.

-- a wide range

I have strong reasons to opt for a Master's degree in the United Kingdom, firstly,

I think you may use a period instead of a comma between "Kingdom" and "firstly"

Overall, I believe you have written an excellent essay that demonstrates your connection to the program. But I think your first paragraph, though well-written, may not be right to the point. Obviously it shows your in-depth thinking on your study, yet you will to quite good to attract the reader by starting with the second paragraph as it directly talks about the relationship between you and the major.

I hope my personal views helps!
Oct 8, 2015
Undergraduate / Why GIT (beyond rankings, location, and athletics) & Your Future after GIT - Georgia Tech [3]

1. Beyond rankings, location, and athletics, why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech? (max 150 words)

Though famous for its strong engineering program, I consider Gatech as a school that offers an interdisciplinary education on the ground of solid scientific and technological preparation. Through the study of industrial engineering, I am able to touch on various fields, be ready for challenges and challenges inside or outside the engineering field and decide a specific area to further my interest and tap my full potential. In addition to the abundant research experiences provided by world-renowned faculty, Gatech also provides me with Co-op programs that allow me to take my knowledge into practice in the real industry. What surprises me is the importance of global perspective in the curriculum of industrial engineering, because it encourages me see things out of the lab and even the industry to become a leader in a team and then in a larger scale. Thus, I believe that I can thrive in Gatech's community.

2. A Georgia Tech experience and education provides you an unbound future. What will yours be? (max 150 words)

After my college life in Gatech, I will fight, along with other ambitious alarmist here, against the limited, dried up resources. As an industrial engineer, I try to make the supply chain more efficient and thus lead to the energy economy. Incorporating other engineering fields through multi-sided exploration in Gatech, I want to conduct scientific research to simply the usage of solar energy. As an activist, thanks to the civic engagement during the four years in Georgia Tech, I will also start at a local team to raise the environmental awareness and then become a part of the global energy conservation movement. By using the skills gained beyond the lectures and group discussions, I will proceed my endeavors to contribute to the bigger world. Thus, my future will be a battle, eased by my cultivation in Gatech, because I will address the energy issue in a humane manner.
Oct 7, 2015
Undergraduate / A new perspective: Priveleged vs. Unprivileged...PENN STATE Personal Statement [4]

Although just the language alone cannot help one understand a whole culture, it helped me understand my culture in many ways.

it also has many components that could improve mainly orphans. (I feel the sentence is a little confusing)

For the next week, me and my cousinsand I

Overall, I think you may more connect yourself to the volunteer work and the love for your family. Because the prompt is about you, not how the orphanage center works in your country. So, when talking about your experience, you need to highlight yourself and show more details about your reflection and what you did next.
Oct 7, 2015
Research Papers / Reviewing the New Serpentine pavilion in London. [3]

neither either complexity or carefulness in this project pavilion.

Or doesare ugliness and odd objects are much easier to be noticed?

In order to create a "comfortable to the eye appearance, " there's should be a smooth neat transition from one element to another.

The welcoming interior & exterior space is important in order to make visitors stay as a participantsinstead of beholders or passerby . passers-by

The colors of the space depends on its function and how long one could stay in it.

But on the other hand, colors can be abused if not functioned in the right space. In the Pavilion there were a large variety of colors.

I notice that you constantly use "there be." Perhaps you can use some other ways to replace it.
Oct 6, 2015
Undergraduate / What would you fight for? & Describe yourself, Honors Program Application [6]

Thank you! Actually I intend to SAT as an introduction to moral values, so it may be confusing that I am talking about fighting against SAT to get a good score. Do you think it is a bad idea?

How about change sentence 2 this way:
2. I am good at using jokes or humorous euphemism to resolve the embarrassing.
Oct 5, 2015
Undergraduate / What would you fight for? & Describe yourself, Honors Program Application [6]

We want every Liberal Arts Honors student to aspire to be a Rhodes Scholar, excelling in and out of the classroom with the goal of serving one's family, community, and country. In creating the scholarship, Cecil Rhodes sought young people who have the "moral voice of character and instinct to lead," young people who would "fight one of the world's great fights."

Which of the world's great fights will you fight-and why? (No more than 200 words)

The flames and gun smokes permeates in the testing mall where SAT takes place.The flames and gun smokes permeated in testing malls where SAT takes place, where hundreds of applicants were recalling the memory of a special piece of paper instead of tough vocabulary; they spent much money on the leak "answer key" and thus expected a bright future to be brought by the "high scores" on paper. So my fight will begin here, not for the exam itself, but for the moral values behind it. I wonder why they base the "success on admission" on cheating and how they will proceed on the other side of the Pacific. Believing the diploma and reputation of a "top" university will lead to a decent a job and the accompanying happiness, they trivialize and abandon the "burden" of virtue. I am surprised that the dark part of the adult world is now corroding young teenagers; those burgeoning flowers, who resort to cheating, then start to bribe, fool and distrust others, not realizing that they have driven the world to the primitive animal society, in which the self-interest is supreme.Through humanities and social science. I will fight in the conflict between moral criterion and material needs. I am proud of being such an idealist.

Please write five sentences describing yourself, your life, and your experiences that form an accurate portrayal of who you are. Do not list information provided in your résumé or on the ApplyTexas application. Be creative! Please number the sentences 1 through 5.

1. My mom believes in Voltaire's "Life depends on motions" so that she laughs at my motto that "Life depends on staying motionless"

2. I have been learning the Chinese bamboo flute for over 8 years and therefore be fond of pop music that contains the traditional part of Chinese instruments.

3. Despite my love for watching basketball games, I still prefer DOTA2 since it requires no outdoor preparation and prevents potential harm but can still train my reflexes and cultivate the team spirit.

4. Though always considered as a nerd, I learn for the sake of learning, read (mostly historic and scientific fictions) for pleasure, and write (short stories in random topics) for getting the constant flow of imagination out of my chest.

5. I study Cantonese on my own and have an interest in different Chinese dialects and their influence on us.
Sep 29, 2015
Undergraduate / Why U Chicago - polymath education for an aspiring critic [6]

I think you have done a great job in explaining why you choose Uchicago. You should make sure that you are explaining the true reason of attending Uchicago and why it is a good fit for you. Perhaps you can write more about academics and what major you want to study in.
Sep 28, 2015
Graduate / PTCAS - improve the human experience [4]

something about these professions was lacking to me Sounds a little bit awkward

but ALSO my entire well-being

it is not just their limbs that are in the hands of physical therapists, but their life, and the lives of all of the people that they touch as well.--- how about " physical therapists not only hold their limbs in hands, but also their life.

Overall, your essay is really well-written and strong. I can see your motivation and love for being a physical therapist. Also, you connect your real world experience to what the prompt asks for. I would like to see others' suggestions in this thread.
Sep 27, 2015
Undergraduate / Life is a process of learning, studying, and changing. Keep a kindness nature when becoming an adult [4]

School gives us opportunities of learning,family gives us supports for growing, community gives us chances to contribute. you should not use comma to connect different sentences.

In the process of transitioning from childhood to adulthood, TRANSITION

we effected by the our family ------ Are affected

We experienced different things that shaped who we are today. I think it is quite confusing when you used present tense in the beginning and then the past tense.

then moved to United States when I was fifteen. I went to live with my dad and my three half-siblings ---- you may combine the two sentences as " United States with my dad and my three half-siblings, when I was fifteen"

but I also HAD to set myself to be a good and positive role for them ----model

in the change process---- changing

I made some suggestions above. I can see that your grammar and word choice are relatively poor but the essay is moving. Perhaps you can define the adulthood in your culture and family so that make the essay clearer.
Sep 25, 2015
Undergraduate / Why Swarthmore?----Social Responsibility, Media and Writing [5]

In 150 to 250 words, please write about why you are interested in applying to and attending Swarthmore.

I feel the same heartbeats of Swarthmore as mine.

Usually, I will wear a big pair of glasses and hold a fiction, a movie illustration or a Cantonese introduction at the corner of the library.

"How did intellectuals communicated with each other before Mandarin Chinese was invented? Do vernaculars impeded communication?" I want to start up a seminar, through Honor Program with aspiring fellows. I will enjoy defending my thesis, like a graduate student to be intellectually challenged. I hear the advice of Professor Napoli, a linguist and a writer, because I want to write a story in different Chinese dialects. I will share my drafts with Professor White, transforming them into real films at Tri-Co Film Festival. Dialects endowed us a personality, which promoted intelligent creations, as ancient poems are ornamented with dialect words. During the research, Swarthmore and people here, diverse in more than races, will continue to question as much as support me.

Not only am I satisfied in direct research opportunities and rigorous yet collaborative academics here, but also expect Lang Center, whereby I can meet and help others, with my camera and notebook, to hear different stories and voices. I believe social responsibility and thinking is never on paper: As a media Swattie, I am encouraged to advance communication and thus speak out for unable minorities within our big, accepting community.

Every piece of Swarthmore constitutes my movie, writing, and personality. And those dreams, once unthinkable, should be implemented in Swarthmore, because my blood is dyed garnet.
Sep 25, 2015
Scholarship / My country made an impact on me. Chevening Scholarship LEADERSHIP & INFLUENCE QUESTION [5]

First, you may reformat your essay so that it can be more readable.

My parents struggled to get my older brother and I through school ----me

I was instead called to do Ecotourism and Hospitality management a rather new and unrecognized course--- after "management", you need to add a comma

I had to change, I had to adapt and grow and eventually what was initially a bane became a boon. --- I had to change, adapt and grow so that what was initially a bane became a boon.

Hope my suggestions are useful!
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