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Posts by akiraaa
Name: Mengyuan Li
Joined: Oct 6, 2015
Last Post: Dec 3, 2015
Threads: 7
Posts: 20  
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Displayed posts: 27
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akiraaa   
Dec 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / In order to complete goals quickly, a growing number of people are prone to make decisions at once. [3]

Toefl Essay: Patience is usually not a good strategy. We should take action now rather than later.

Patience, one of Chinese qualities, seems to be forgotten in metropolitans because of fast-paced life style. In order to complete goals quickly, a growing number of people are prone to make decisions at once without being patient to take every risks into account, causing failure more easily. Thus, personally, patience is more significant than taking action immediately.

To begin with, patience offer us a chance to enables us to have a deeper consideration and act slowly and steadily. Supposed that a company wants to launch a campaign which will contribute to its sales. It is necessary for the leader to investigate the background, the risks and the potential customers. Certainly it takes quite long time but it is worthwhile,for patience with profound consideration is the preparation to business success. Likewise, when we make an important decision in our life like marriage, patience also gives us the moment to fully consider about our future plan and the potential risks.

Further, patience builds up our relationship between others. Patient people become welcome because they are willing to hearing others completely rather than interrupt others rudely at once. They know how to reply in a proper time, making the conversation comfortable. Besides, many misunderstandings are raised by impatience. When we are angry, we may fail to listen to others explanations. Once the misunderstanding roots in our minds, it will cause distrust, estrangement even betray, which certainly does harm to our friendships.

Admittedly, when facing urgent cases like earthquake, acting at once is important. Despite , I still insist the statement that patience is a good strategy. Taking actions immediately with rough concept will bring serious failure. Only keeping patience and analyze cases carefully can we success to handle the situation.

In sum, it is the patience that helps us to have a profound consideration and clear our minds. The most important thing is not how fast we handle the situation but how well we could deal with it, which should be kept in our minds.
akiraaa   
Nov 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / Parents must have strict rules to their children if they want their children to be successful [NEW]

TOEFL ESSAY : Parents must have strict rules to their children if they want their children to be successful in the future.

In the past, many parents believe that successful people should be formed with strict rules when he is young ,even with some physical punishments like strike. In contrary, this idea is put into doubt by the public nowadays. From my view, Only rarely can strict rules let children to get success in the future. Parents being too strict to their children may bring serious damage in children's life.

To begin with, strict rules set by parents worsens the relationship with their children, resulting negative impacts in their children's grow up. It's obvious that those whose parents are strict have an unhappy childhood compared to those whose parents are not strict. When they remind their childhood, they find that it was all filled with painful memories and their parents' angry faces. Besides, it may let children to lose the ability of imagination which is a key factor to get success,

Due to the fact that parents force children to act as their wishes.

Also, serve strict rules may do harm to children's mind, even resulting that they will be criminals in the future. That means, the harm caused by these strict rules may root violence in children's mind as their parents always punish them seriously for some little mistakes. As a result, they become ruthless and confined to their own opinions in the future, which is harmful to their personalities. Take a famous murder in my country for example--a student named Tom who received rigid rules from his father finally kill his roommates because of some conflicts. He stated that he was so angry because his roommates made him think of his tough father in the conflict.

Admittedly, strict rules may form student's personalities like diligence and politeness. We often find that the elites often receive strict teaching when they are young. But there are other factors like fesiblity and creativity brought by various activities. Supposed that strict parents reduce their children playing time, children will lose chances to form these abilities and enlarge their social networks. Coming into light of the social work, it is another key factor to get success, especially in the 21st century.

In sum, we can not deny the important role of strict rules playing in the growth of children. But too rigid rules do more harm to their personalities, which is more possible to cause their failure in the future.

Thanks for your kind advice of structure or grammers on my essay!
akiraaa   
Nov 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / Modern technology-based products do not improve people's lives [5]

T hanks to the inventions of telephone, computer and especially the Internet, humans can keep in touchwith each otherfrom despite of a very long distance. they can also give send and receive information ...

... residents have a chance to get access to the giant ...
For instance, by surfing on the Internet, students are able ... of the whole world's life .

In conclusion, it is undeniable that modern technology-based products play an important role in people's lives. However, people need to balance the time using them with the time for outdoor activities and for their real relatives.[but you don't mention in the former part??]
akiraaa   
Nov 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / Children should be prepared to be a parent [4]

I cannot see any relation between being good parents and good social skills. Maybe you can explain your point more clearly.
akiraaa   
Nov 17, 2015
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY: professional athletes or performers shouldn't be involved in politics. [4]

Thanks for revising

TJLuschen

!

I think you give me valuable advice on my misuse of pronouns.Uncleared pronouns really make readers confused.I will pay more attention on this problem next time.

Btw,it would be great if you could share with your opinions about this topic.I'm really panic if i face it in the real test.While,if you wouldn't like to share,it doesn't matter.

Have a nice day:)
akiraaa   
Nov 16, 2015
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY: professional athletes or performers shouldn't be involved in politics. [4]

Subject : Do you agree or disagree that: professional athletes or performers shouldn't be involved in politics.

Nowadays, it is not surprising to find that increasingly celebrities are involved in politics. They are former professional athletes or actors. After retirement, some of them may be elected as a governor in a state, or even the president like Reagan. This phenomenon certainly attracts people's attentions. As to me, I think that celebrities involved in politics has both advantage and disadvantage, depending on their contributions to the society.

For the good part, professional athletes and performers can use their popularity influences to improve the situation of their professional fields. That means, they can contribute to improving their career's living situations by using their influence. For instance, Den Yaping, one of the best table tennis players in the history, became a member of International Olympic Committee after her retirement. She worked in ethics and athletes commissions and continued to fight for athlete's rights in the world.

Meanwhile, despite their special statuses, they are normal human beings that can express their opinions and change their careers freely. Reagan, the president of United States, once was an actor in Hollywood. After being elected as the president, he revolutionized the American economic system through tax rate reduction, which were admired by people at that time and finally lead the economic growth. His success strongly proves that one with wise decisions can also succeed in politics no matter what he used to be.

As for the disadvantage, people may question about that their are lack of professional backgrond of politics, causing that they may fail to represent popular opinions. In other words, people once believe that they can speak out for them. However, these celebrities let them disappointed because of their superficial knowledge. A worker in Hollywood once complained that these celebrity politicians do not have a clear understanding of how they live, what they fear, and what they support.

To sum up, celebrities do have great influence in the society and some of them do a great contribution to the world. What is important that these celebrities must do fully preparation and have profound understanding about politics before they choose to become politicians. Otherwise, it will cause people's complaints and disappointment.

Well, I'm not satisfied with my essay this time because i think it's hard for me to develop this topic.I use Reagan and Deng Yaping as examples. But i don't know how to develop them well. I'd appreciate a lot if you give the advice on my essay,whether on the content or the grammar.
akiraaa   
Nov 16, 2015
Undergraduate / New Education, New chance. UC Prompt #1 [4]

hi Karen,

Since Vangiespen gave detailed advice, i just add some of my advice.

They believed that the United States has the education what they wanted but theydidn't did not have the chance to receive one . That was when they imposed their hopes on me.

In Taiwan,I was not the smartest student in my class.

I had always felt unconfident about myself and sorry towards my parents, for they believe in education (?) and I had failed themlet them disappointed for not doing well enough.

He gladly took it, believing that I would have a greater chance in life with a better quality education.
akiraaa   
Nov 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / The famous people should be prepared to be a celebrity - and it's not always a pleasure. [7]

hi SparkDark,

I think you could add more details about your part of the advantage part. Otherwise it doesn't seem to be persuasive.

Some sentences seems vague to me like:

In addition, celebrities earn a lot of money and can buy whatever they want.
Being famous is something that most people wish.

They are not so related to the context.
akiraaa   
Nov 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY: New devices vs well-adopted devices - which do you prefer? [10]

Many thanks for your nice comments, TJLuschen!

"Certainly, these high-tech devices have an astonishing influence on our lives and make obvious changes in our mind."

I want to say high-tech devices changes our lives a lot in every field,such us having cellphone for convenient connect with each other. I want write briefly about this change. Do I need to list one of them?

I'd appreciate a lot if you help me to rewrite this sentence. :)
akiraaa   
Nov 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY: New devices vs well-adopted devices - which do you prefer? [10]

Thanks a lot,TJLuschen!

According to your advice, i revise some sentences as following.Are they seem be clear now?

"Certainly, these high-tech devices bring astonishing influence in our life and obvious difference in our mind"
change to
"Certainly, these high-tech devices have an astonishing influence on our lives and make obvious changes in our mind."

"Thus, due to the well-adopted technology, we share the magic of hi-technology."
change to
"Thus, we share the magic of high-technology as we can control our phone with the voice now, which cannot be imagined in the past."

Much appreciate for your great help!
akiraaa   
Nov 13, 2015
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY: New devices vs well-adopted devices - which do you prefer? [10]

Many Thanks for your kind advice!

TJLuschen

!

I've learned a lot from your revise from a local American perspective. Your advice is quite valuable for me.

And I change "Admittedly, the new technological devices will be more accepted by the young for its fresh innovation."to" Admittedly, the new technological devices seems be more popular among the young since they like follow the trend of owning new technological items". Is it seems better?

Much appreciate for your great help!
akiraaa   
Nov 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY: New devices vs well-adopted devices - which do you prefer? [10]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Some prefer buy new technological devices; others having them when they are well-adopted. wWhich do you prefer?

We may encounter many new high-tech devices every year thanks to the rapid development of modern society. Certainly, these high-tech devices bring astonishing influence in our life and obvious difference in our mind. Some prefer to hold the new high-tech immediately, however, others are more prone to have them when they are well-developed. Personally, i agree with the latter group as the well-adopted technological with ripe development may benefit our life more than when it first face to.

To start with, well-adopted high-tech devices are developed and be fixed many bugs over spans of time than they first appear. Many users' useful advices help engineers to improve the usage of them, making them being more convenient for customers. For instance, when ipone first came out, it hasn't the function of Siri, one of the most significiant inovations in 21st century. While, nowadays, we can easily find that people use Siri to make a phone call or search on the internet. Thus, due to the well-adopted technology, we share the magic of hi-technology.

In addition, well-adopted technological devices are more popular among the range of the old to the young, letting us enjoy the convenience of the hi-technology. In the past, only a few people own computers and knew how to use them. It was difficult for teenagers to write a eamil to our friends because of lack of them. In contrast, nowadays, even my old grandmother can use computer to write a email to me. I'm surprised and grateful that the well-adopted technological equipment strengthens our relationship and benefits our life.

Admittedly, the new technological devices will be more accepted by the young for its fresh innovation. In fact, the price of them are too luxury for most white-collars and students to afford. For instance, the price of digital camera was beyond ten thousand yuan in my hometown when it fist came out. The price of them now, while, drops to two to three thousand yuan or even lower. The decrease of the price promotes that the acceptation of the new high-tech equipment. The fact that many tourists visiting Shanghai take a lot of pictures and show to their friends stronly approves it.

To sum up, it is the new technological devices that enrich our lives, whether they are fresh or well-adopted. The most important thing for us is that we should make full use of these equipment and raise our efficiency of our study and work.

Many thanks for your kind advice on contents or grammar in advance!
akiraaa   
Nov 3, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2 - Experiences have the major influences of people characteristic [2]

hi Bayuwibowo,

Here is my advice on your writing.

it is agreed that longlong-term experiences will affect most of our personality and should be taken into account.This essay will discuss some explanations about experiences related to environment, education, and parents foster.

This term has also been applied in many companies,especially when they look for a new candidate to fulfill the
position.

As to content, i think you didn't fully explain your idea thoroughly. You wrote 2 sides equally in the essay and didn't emphasize on your point: experiences will affect most of our personality . I couldn't see strong proof to support your idea.
akiraaa   
Nov 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Schools should focus on the subjects which support of student's goals in the future [5]

hi Hasbi :

Thanks for your advice on my essay! i have learnt a lot from yours. Here is my advice:

RecognizeRecognizing of specific subjects is very helpful to make students become an expert in their major.

Despite this case above, other subjects like sports and music should not be neglected or be regarded as unnecessary to learned.

Sports subject can teach students about healthy science like how to keeping fit their body everyday and there is a doubtno doubt that body healthily is one of the important requirements to find a better job.

i think you want to say that body healthily is one of the important requirements to find a better job. So here it should be it is no doubt that.
akiraaa   
Nov 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Children being addicted to these high-tech entertainments are often failing in exams. Education [2]

Sorry for my miss to add the last paragraph! I don't know how to edit my original answer so i put it here.

To sum up, cell phone ,online games and social websites are tools for children to learn from others and improve themselves. They should take a great advantage of these high-tech equipment in learning and understand how to resist the temptations from such resources. High-tech entertainments themselves have no responsibilities for children's less concentration on study.

Thank you in advance for any kind comments or advice!:)
akiraaa   
Nov 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / Children being addicted to these high-tech entertainments are often failing in exams. Education [2]

Thanks a lot for your kind remark or comments on my essays' structure and grammar.

Subject: Educating children is a more difficult task today than it was in the past because they spend so much time on cell phone, online games, and social networking web site.

It is without doubt that nowadays children have more access to get the cutting-edge entertainment equipment like cell phone ,online games to enrich their lives.We may fail to find that someone hasn't a Facebook account in the society, especially the children. Some may argue that children may distribute their concentration on study because of wasting lots of time on such things. While, i disagree with this opinion with the following reasons.

To start with , these high-tech equipment offer more learning resources to children than past. In the past,the only learning resources children can get access to is paperback resources,like books and newspapers, which has a great limit of learning ways.However, it is the social networking web sites that let children to choose various learning resource like videos around the world,not restricted to simple words.For instance, i can search for a book on the Facebook ,have a scan on friends rates and watch a introduction video of the book, providing me a various way of learning.

Whats more,children can form different skills from these high-tech entertainments. There may exist important social skills which they will not learn from normal study.Take online games for example.Many online games need a group members to complete difficult missions. So children need to find mates who are willing to fight with them and express their ideas on time .Meanwhile ,it's essential for them to beat the monster by coordinating their minds with their fingers. So in such process,children may improve their communication skill and physical coordination.

Admittedly, it seems that increasingly parents complain on their children being addicted to these high-tech entertainments and failing in exams. They blame on the development of technology.In contrast, it is not the high-tech entertainments' fault but their children's insufficient self-control consciousness that cause the problem. We can easily find that many children were obsessed with attractive TV series or functional novels in the past. The key factor that how children arrange their time on study and break determine whether they will spend much time on entertainment equipment.
akiraaa   
Nov 2, 2015
Writing Feedback / self-employment vs. employment - own business seems to be increasingly popular among individuals [4]

hi Saba.
You have done a really good job in the essay with diverse sentences and words. While, i just see that you only focus on the self-employment and ignore the employment. i think both parts are equal important to this topic(compare and contrast). Apart from it, it is very excellent in the structure and expression. I learn a lot from you after reading.

Thanks.
akiraaa   
Oct 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / Should troublesome students be keeped together or educated separately ? [3]

Last but not least, in our society, good and bad people coexist. There exist 2 groups of people , the kind and the evil.
It's urgent to help each other.- Why it's urgent ?
As a result, The good students should at times be taught to be responsible with their friends even though they are not good enough in their study(?).- i think that a boy may act badly while he was good at study.So the most important thing is manner.

This not only brings the strength for their friendship but also the feeling of happiness and smile to everyone.
For the good students who have done something good, for the bad students who see how much better they have changed for.
- Sorry i cannot see the logical connection between these 2 sentences.
akiraaa   
Oct 14, 2015
Writing Feedback / We may fail to find out that just a few people make new friends through internet [5]

Thanks for your great advice ,vangiespen.

Here i revise my first paragraph:

In a life time , we are bound to meet many people. Someone who share the same interests with u s will finally become our friends. Making new friends does not mean that they will replace our old friends. Taking many factors into consideration, I believe the significance of making new friends is equal to that of keeping old friends.

is this qualified to Toefl's require? Thanks in advance!
akiraaa   
Oct 11, 2015
Writing Feedback / We may fail to find out that just a few people make new friends through internet [5]

TOEFL:It's more important to keep old friends than it is to make new friends.

With the rapid development of internet, we may fail to find that few people make new friends through internet. We can easily find someone share interests in common from facebook or twitter. Therefore, many people may have parties offline meeting with new friends when it comes to some ceremonies instead of chatting with their old friends. Take many factors into consideration, however, I believe the significance of making new friends is equal to that of keeping old friends.

To begin with, making new friends offers increasing opportunities to learn other opinions, that is, new friends often bring some new ideas to our limited knowledge. For instance, during my internship in Sweden, I always chat with my neighbor, a Turkish girl, about the future plan of my life. She inspired me to pursuit my dream bravely no matter what my parents considers, braking my knowledge confined to follow my parent's instructions. Thus, I decided to study abroad to realize my dream. The instance shows that we can change our mind and have a influence on our decision.

Meanwhile, keeping old friends in touch is also important to us for new friends may not quite understand us as they do. They have the abilities to know what they can do a favor when we are in difficult situation due to the long-term friendship. When I am frustrated by the failure, I always come to my old friends to find some advice. They often analyze carefully about my situation, offer me their suggestions and comfort me with funny crosswalks. It's sincerely old friends that we can trust and regard them as our family members indeed.

All in all, I'm convinced that there is no need to compare the importance of old friends and new friends since they help us from their analyses. Without their thoughtful help, we will not make a progress and seek our weakness. Therefore, I would like to say, cherishing friends and enjoying every moments with them should be beard in our mind.

Thanks in advance for your kind advice on whether grammar or structure!
akiraaa   
Oct 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / The common access to the new technology may favour the young people and give them more opportunities [4]

hi guys,

I revised my essay with your help. Thanks in advance for any advice on structure and grammars!

With increasingly technologies and globalization appear, it's customary to say that younger people have more opportunities to get success and enjoy a good life with a brightening future. However, as to me, the young may suffer from it while the elder have more chances to enjoy life than them.

To begin with, the young are facing a fierce competition than the old in their age now. They often feel stressed. Nowadays, we may fail to find that high-educated talents are scarcely . While the company seems more picky that they want to take the top talents among them. It's become more and more difficult for young people to find a satisfied job these days, they have to lower their expectation according to what job market offers no to their personal preference.

Meanwhile, in a rid of living stress, older people have more free time and money that they can do anything they want to do . Having a travel with lovers is the most popular way of older people living. It's time for them to travel around the world because children are mature enough to have their own life. My grandparents once traveled to the Europe to commemorate My mom's birthday party. When i look at the photos they have taken during their trip, smiling in their faces illustrates how happy they feel vividly.

In addition, the country pay more attention to the old people others. Increasingly Well- equipped nursing houses met the old specific needs. There may have a laundry, kitchen and bathroom on every floor. A well-arranged schedule is also welcomed among the elder for the staff preparing various activities like watching a movie or morning exercise. The old who used to live alone can easily develop a relationship . They also have a social profit such as discounts on public transportation.

To put in a nutshell , I believe that there is no period of time in a person's life is more happier than one get elder in a rid of stressed life. The old should enjoy their life with memories of the scenes the saw and the warm social help they have.
akiraaa   
Oct 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / Shopping's responses of society in the capital city of Auckland [4]

Overall, it can be see that females experience very satisfied in shops and restaurant rather than males.
- Overall, it can be see that females feel more satisfied in shops and restaurants rather than males.

turning to design, both of sexes think satisfied are 62 % and 17 % very satisfied of total proportion.

I think there maybe some disorders in your grammar, making me hard to follow your essay.
Perhaps you can add the reason and examples of the difference.
akiraaa   
Oct 7, 2015
Writing Feedback / The common access to the new technology may favour the young people and give them more opportunities [4]

Hi everyone,

Greets from China. I will have TOEFL exam in Dec. However I'm poor in writing. I'd like to appreciate all your advice and help in advance for helping me revise my poor essay!

TOEFL ESSAY- Do you agree or Disagree that young people enjoy life more than older people.

With increasingly technologies appear and globalization, it seems that younger people may have more opportunities to get success and enjoy a good life. However, as to me, I think that older people may live happier than the young.

To begin with, the young face fierce competition than the old in their age.They often feel stressed. Nowadays, as a growing number of people getting the bachelor and master degree, high-level educated people are not rare. While the company seems more picky that they want to take the top talents among them. For example , many students who get a master degree abroad don't find a job either abroad or in the hometown. Few talents meet the standard of companies want.

Meanwhile, older people have more free time that they can do anything they want to do . Having a travel with lovers is the most popular way of older people living. It's time for them to travel around the world because children are mature enough to have their own life. My grandparents once traveled to the Europe to commemorate My mom's birthday party. When i look at the photos they have taken during their trip, smiling in their faces illustrates how happy they feel vividly.

In addition, the country are paying more attention to the old than any times. Increasingly Well- equipped nursing houses built to meet the old specific needs. There may have laundry, kitchen and bathroom on every floor. A well-arranged schedule is also welcomed among the old for the staff prepare various activities like watching a movie or morning exercise. The old who used to live alone can easily make friends. They also have a social profit such as discounts on public transportation.

In sum , we should attribute the old who enjoy a better life to his hard work when he was young. And we should also bear in mind that the virtue of working hard we persist will finally benefit us when we are old.