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Posts by Diandin16 [Suspended]
Name: Dian Din Astuti Mulia
Joined: Apr 1, 2016
Last Post: Apr 9, 2016
Threads: 9
Posts: 10  
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From: Indonesia
School: Gadjah Mada University

Displayed posts: 19
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Diandin16   
Apr 9, 2016
Writing Feedback / The diagram provide information regarding the collecting and using of rainwater as a water source [2]

The diagram below show how rainwater is reused
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant


The details of diagram provides information regarding the collection and use of rainwater as a water source. Overall, there are three ways that show greatest proportion of Rainwater is used for several times as a result of water recycling.

The first method is to store rain water in a dam. Stored water is then poured into a water treatment plant for the purification process. When the purification process is completed, the clean water is sent to home as household supplies such as water to drink, wash and so on.

The second way is to store rainwater in a tank to be used for domestic purposes such as watering the plants in the garden. Water used for watering plants will be absorbed into the soil and flows into the river.

The last way is is water recycling household waste. Prior to reused water, purified water back in the waste-water treatment plant. Residual water from the plant will flow into the river, then the river water evaporates to form clouds and become rain




Diandin16   
Apr 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: (Chart) Information about global population and distribution of Wealth [2]

The chart below gives information about global population percentages and distribution of wealth by region.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The chart gives information about comparison between international population number in various countries of the world with the distribution of affluence in these same regions. It can be seen that population shares in almost all cases do not relate to the distribution of wealth.

North America has only approximately 6% of the world's population, it increase nearly 34% of global wealth. A similar situation in Europe, which has 15% of the global population but 30% of global wealth, and the Rich Asia-Pacific countries with 5% of the world's population but 24% of its affluence.

In additional, the total wealth of people in China, India, Africa, Latin America and Caribbean, and the other countries in Asia-Pacific is far less than distribution of the world population. It is surprisingly in India, where 16% of the world's population own only 1% of the world's wealth. Then, in China which has the highest percentage of global population by 24% but only 3% of the world's wealth.




Diandin16   
Apr 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Negative Effect of Fast Food Domination [5]

Fast food can affect traditional foods' sustainability as it ...
my alternative second paragraph is:
society tend to prefer fast food than traditional cuisine. this is because modern society tend to be busy and have little time to eat, so the fast food into the most suitable alternative. Unfortunately, the children also tend to eat fast food because their parents do not have time to cook. This proves that fast food threatens the sustainability of traditional foods.
Diandin16   
Apr 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 - In this globalization era, tourism is huge business field [3]

The aforementioned evidence shows that between locals and ...

Wahyu, this is my alternative of your conclusion paragraph:

the aforementioned evidence shows that between locals and foreign visitors, there are two different reasons in visiting museums and historical buildings. other than that there are several mechanisms to make the natives to visit both the historic sites. In my view, visitors should not only look at the historical displays, but they can also interpret how the struggle of earlier ancestors
Diandin16   
Apr 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Study hard but don't forget to relax, becuase your brain needs rest to function properly at school [4]

A 2016, the website UPI.COM (watch carefully when you try to cite a study. I have corrected your research sources from UPI.com. you should specify the exact source exactly what institutions conducting such research .) tells that The brain's ability to recover from injury ...

Dina79, this my alternative from your third paragraph :

In additional, time table skill is one effective methods to get balance in complete tasks from school. this is because children also need proper rest period after learning to avoid fatigue. New research of the Georgetown University Medical Center show the brain fails to undergo the proper repairs when not given enough time after an injury. This indicates that a break after working hard is important for the human brain. And overall, it can be concluded that the right time split between rest and work is a very appropriate decision
Diandin16   
Apr 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / The main problems to consume alternative energy sources are the budget and field appliance [3]

Sustainable sources of energy which use power from nature such ...

My alternative for your introduction paragraph is :
Natural sources of energy such as wind, wave and solar are sustainable sources of energy. It is believed to be ineffective because the way spend much cost and complications in replacing coal, oil and gas that has been used to supply energy to the cities and transport. in my view based on the costs and benefits of alternative energy, I agree conventional energy resources are better option in the present time
Diandin16   
Apr 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / Everybody likes a cup of tee but just a few knows the manufacturing process of it [2]

The diagrams below shows two different processes for manufacturing black tea. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram illustrate figure that give information about the two methods for manufacturing black tea. The traditional methods is used for making loose tea and modern process is ideal for teabags.

Firstly, the female farmer collecting fresh tea leaves and picks only the two top leaves and the bud of ensure a high quality tea. Then, all leaves will be withered on rack by air, where leaves are spread out and air is passed through them to reduce 60 % of moisture.

Next, the leaves are ready for rolled or cut. traditional method to create loose tea and modern method to make tea bags. In traditional technique, leaves will be rolled flat and broken followed by the release of enzymes from them. Compare in modern methods, smaller granular pieces created with quick process.

The next step is oxidation process, where the enzymes and air are mixed and change the color of leave be copper. Finally, the leaves are fired and dried which results the total of 97% moisture out and release nice flavor and aroma.




Diandin16   
Apr 7, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK I: Diagram of manufacturing tea (using both traditional and modern methods) [3]

my alternative is :

Firstly, the female farmer collecting fresh tea leaves and picks only the two top leaves and the bud of ensure a high quality tea. Then, all leaves will be withered on rack by air, where leaves are spread out and air is passed through them to reduce 60 % of moisture. In traditional methods, leaves will be rolled flat and chipped followed by the release of enzymes. To compare in modern technique, leaves will be cut,torn and then curled which results to create smaller granular pieces. then, in fermentation steps, enzymes and air are mixed. In the final stage, hot air dryers are used to get the copper color leaves dry which results the total of 97% moisture out by release of flavor and aroma from them.
Diandin16   
Apr 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / The main feature of an operated photo booth machine. It allows an user to take two types of pictures [2]

The diagram below shows an automatic photo booth
Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant.


The diagram illustrates the main feature of an operated photo booth machine, which allows the user to take two types of picture labeled large format or passport-sized photograph.

There are two main steps on utilizing the machine. Firstly, before entering the booth, a user must insert a coin to a slot located outside the booth.Two buttons on the outside of the booth allow user to select the size of photo (large format or passport size). Passport-sized photos are issued in sets of four photograph and large format setting imprint just single photo. Two buttons below to choose colour or black and white, although users must choose colour for passport photos. There is also a larger slot where the photos are delivered.

The last step is taking the photograph. Inside the booth there is an adjustable stool to sit on. There is a mirror at the top of the booth to help the user preparing himself. the user needs to remember to close the layer before taking the picture. After that, The seat should be adjusted and the eyes are level with the arrow on the screen and when the user ready, user needs to pull the rope in the lamp. A light to the right of the screen comes on, telling you to prepare. After this, the flash goes off after three seconds. The result of the process, sophisticated photographs are delivered outside within sixty seconds.




Diandin16   
Apr 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'The traveler should stay away from risky places' Advantage and disadvantage of the new locality. [4]

A great number of people spend their holidays [...] the benefits outweigh than the drawbacks.

This is my alternative for your introduction:

Vacation is one of the most preferable by most people. Others believe that visiting a new venue is a very pleasant way of holiday. Although, some people prefer a favorite place to vacation. Personally, I believe that a vacation in different places has many advantages such us getting a lot of experience with a new culture and be able to explore the new venue.
Diandin16   
Apr 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities [2]

let me to paraphrase your conclusion paragraph:

In my view, it is only about how [...] healthy competition will be guaranteed.

the aforementioned evidence shows that local businesses can not afford to face market competition. Local businesses should view this issue as a challenge and try to find a solution to continue to compete one with innovate. in addition, the government's role in regulating the market price can not be neglected
Diandin16   
Apr 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Freshgraduate and work experience; it is not an obligation anymore to have an academic degree [2]

Many people say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others claim that it is better to start work after school and gain experience in the world of work.

How far do you agree or disagree with the above views.


Some people believe that a university degree is bridge to a brilliant professional career. However there are a lot of evident that prove a person's career success is not solely dependent to their academic educations. In my personal perspective, both are accepted and a good notion towards improving the good working skills and ethics

A Qualified Professional is an ambition that dreamed of by most people, and to get this job required academic degrees, such as lawyers, psychologists, doctors, counselors, and scientists. This is because Universities may be forced to embrace skills training as a legitimate educational objective, and skills courses as a revenue source, among the most essential skills for the workplace are present intellectual collaboration and teamwork. A 2013, BBC suggest result study in USA reveals that those with higher levels of education are more protected from layoffs and pay cuts. Most assesor will be more impressed by a candidate who has a degree than they would be by one who only has high school qualifications because it shows a certain level of intelligence and education.

On the other hand, young students can intuitively opt a career closer to their talent after they finish the school. This is because Work experience provides many benefits, giving several skills and experience that will allow people stand out to potential worker as well as helping to choose the right sector to work in. As a success story, Entrepreneur and Maritime-Fisheries Minister Susi Pudjiastuti, is often mentioned. In recent decades, it has introduced several prosperous entrepreneurs who either have no higher educations or have abandoned their university.

The aforementioned evidence shows that, it is not an obligation anymore to have an academic degree in order to be given a good job. However, some professions require to have university degree and could potentially open more doors when looking for a job. In my view, individual should play an indispensable role to ensure that they have choosing the right notion which led to the success of the future.
Diandin16   
Apr 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / Economic inequality is increasing in many countries. Unequal distribution of income. [2]

The inequality between rich and poor nations is now wider than it has ever been before.
What do you think are the main causes of this difference and what do you think can be done to reduce the gap?


Inequality of economy is the distance or discrepancy between the rich and the poor. some people believe that increasing economic inequality than in the past. the cause of this problem is due to the difference in income between the poor and rich. One way to overcome this problem is that the government should give high taxes to the rich society and the tax revenue is used to provide jobs for the unemployed and improve their skills.

Economic inequality is increasing in many countries. This is due to the unequal distribution of income between rich and poor communities. A 2011, study from Organization for Economic and Co-operation Development suggest that almost all of the 30 states had an increase in the economic disparities among its occupation, the data show that at 25 years ago ratio of revenue to 10% of the poorest people by 7 frequent, now the ratio had risen to 9 frequent. The increasing gap between the poor-rich due to wage and salary workers increased previously rich and vice versa.

tax reform can be used to solve the problem by raising taxes for people who have high income and lower taxes for low income earners. This method can help the government to distribute revenues evenly and fairly through tax revenues. Angel Gurria in the OECD report explains that a number of developed countries succeeded in reducing inequality in income with progressive taxation method. Progressive tax worth considering for those who maintain high can give through taxes to those with low incomes.

In conclusion, parliament should make a firm decision to the wealthy in order to pay taxes and tax funds could be used to open up jobs for people who do not have jobs. Those, make inequality between poor nation and rich people can be solved.
Diandin16   
Apr 5, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2. The parents work to have the better income but do not support children [7]

I am a little confused by the supporting paragraphs that you provide, because there was no linear path of a thesis statment with the result. In addition, supporting research that you entered did not support at all why children need to be fulfilled welfare.

in additional I try to paraphrase your second paragraph:

It is undeniable that the young children usually get ...

Children are obliged to fulfill their needs for a more prosperous. This because children need financial support to complete their material needs such as myriad stuff and follow the new trend. The theatlantic.com in 2015 stated that children from wealthy families showed better levels of happiness. This shows that money is an important factor for the happiness of children.
Diandin16   
Apr 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 e-book as an additional format and it can not replace the presence of a printed book [2]

With recent developments in technology like e-books, some people feel that printed media like books, news papers, and magazines will soon be a thing of the past. Others feel that these forms of media will never disappear.

What is your opinion ?


The progress of sophisticated technology gives people many options for reading material. Most people believe that the e-book is better choice for reading material. Yet, some people assume that the textbook will be reading more comfortable. Although both ideas are utterly acceptable to some extent, I would agree that printed media such as books, magazines, and newspapers more comfortable.

e-book present for fans of the book that offers some practicality. This is because inhabitants can bring his personal library anywhere to read via kindle, tablet, ipad, as well as a private gadget. A 2013 USA Today explains that in the United States, sales of e-book sales growth for three consecutive years in addition to the advantages of the e-book is more environmentally friendly. This shows that the community is very pleased with the ease and convenience offered by the e-book, so that the e-book usage continues to increase.

However, In some condition, some readers prefer books in physical form because the textbook is considered more versatile. This is because books can be accessed by anyone even have limit internet access or equipment other than that printed books provide a greater impact on cognitive development. Kate Garlan, cognitive psychology researcher from the University of Leicester in the UK explains that there are differences in student performance when the same material is presented in the form of printed or digital. This study shows that the printed book readers to more easily understand the material from the textbook. It is clear that analog book more comfortable and versatile.

The aforementioned evidence shows that people have a preference for the use of e-book or analog book. I assume people make the e-book as an additional format but it can not replace the presence of a printed book.
Diandin16   
Apr 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Charging people for admission to the museums; original writing, 40 minutes [3]

hy @angga93, let me give a paraphrase of the paragraphs below:

It is undeniable that every museum needs money to ...

Museum requires financial support to care for artifacts and able to pay his workers. So the museum seeks funds by requiring visitors to pay for the tickets if people want to get into the museum. It managed to increase revenues museum,then they can provide excellent service standardization such as for example the toilets were very clean, spatial ergonomic and spacious living room. However, it is inevitable that these gains are reversed from as losses on the way.
Diandin16   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Social media vs politicians and their impact on the public - IELTS TASK 2 [2]

Recent research has show that media like the internet and TV have greater influence over people's live than politicians.
Give your answer and include any relevant examples from own knoledge or experience.


Televion and internet are media surround wide range and can provide millions of people with information simultaneously. Even thought some people have another opinion that goverment more influential in the public society. Although both ideas are uttery acceptable to some extend, I would agree that media accomplish bigger effect on public decisions.

The ubiquity of television and internet, have contributed the power of media to influence public. This is because most effect of media is controls what the public perceive and hears about. A 2011 recent study of International Journal of Humanities and Social Science reveals that public perception was mostly in the favor of nation that media highlighted the issue in a much better way and the coverage was constructive towards restoration. So it is recommended that media not only provide information to general public but it can be used as a tool to mobilize people for specific issues in bringing up a change in the society.

On the other hand, A campaign of press visit directly encountered a society more effectively reassure the public. This is because the society directly see how a politician demonstrated leadership abilities in the community. In Sidoarjo, Jokowi Widodo Excel Prabowo Subianto by receiving 550,726 votes. Whereas Prabowo Hatta getting 464.893 votes. Chairman of PDIP Sidoarjo, Imam Supi claims that victory because the campaign Jokowi using impromptu field visit (blusukan) methods, including visit directly to the area of Lapindo mud and often walked around public markets and squares in listening to community problems. It is clear that direct communication by politician can not be neglected to influence community.

The aforementioned evidence shows that politicians more effective affect society using communication directly or the campaign down the field. However, its argued that media also has pivotal role in influencing public perceptions. In my view, i affirm that the media such as television and internet are more influence with public opinion because society absorbs whatever the media depicts and the media is the main source of information for us common people.
Diandin16   
Apr 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / The recent model of mass media such as internet and TV have been influencing residents activities [3]

Hai Fardan, I am really interesting to read your essay. It is completely clear. But let me to give you a suggetion.

However, it influenced some activities of politicians as well. This is because ...

in above pharagraph, you have topic idea about how politicians influence public perceive. But, you describes a technology that is still associated with the media. You should not discuss again about media on the part of third paragraph. Make a topic sentences focus on how the government affects the community. Do not associate with previous variable, so the third paragraph in you essay become more organized and focused.
Diandin16   
Apr 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: The Real Reason for Teenage Crime [3]

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers.

To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Give reasons for your aswer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


High parental attacment is of the pivotal role in human development. Recent study report a rise in violent crime among tenagers under the age of 18. Several psychologist declaration that the fundamental reason for this problem that childrens todays are not getting essential social and emotional learning from parents and educators.

Secure attachment is associated with less engagement in high risk behaviours to children. The recent study from Hoeve, Dubas, and Gerris in Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology suggest that the strongest link were found for parental monitoring, psychological control and negative aspects of supports such as rejection and hostility. In additional, Therefore, parents and educators should giving positive attachment experience to reduce delincuency. In turn, Attacment from parents and teachers lead to decuce risk of future antisocial behavior including violent crime.

Peer violence perpetrantion are the most common types of violence among youth. A 2011 Institute of Publich Health for Urban Health Research in Georgia State University found that among youth, attitudes supporting teens hitting teens significantly increased the odds of peer violence perpetration. For that reason delinquent peers to be instigators and reinforcers of violent crime . In turn, peers can be the cause of high rate crime.

To sum this up, aforementioned evidence reveals that the parent's strong affectionate attachment to their child is the child's best buffer againts a life of crime. In my personal view, positive parental attacment stands in crucial sector in emotional and social development of youngeters and teenage criminal behavioral has it is roots in habitual deprivation of parental love and affection.
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