Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by pujakurniawan19
Name: Puja Kurniawan
Joined: Jun 15, 2016
Last Post: Aug 17, 2016
Threads: 9
Posts: 16  
Likes: 4
From: Indonesia
School: Bandung Institute of Technology

Displayed posts: 25
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
pujakurniawan19   
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1 (unit 3 Workbook CECI) Survey about the essential of communication skill for job [4]

Hello ZiadRasyid24

I am very keen on reading this writing
I will give you a few suggestion to improve your writing


The table reports the survey about the important skills ...
The table informs about the result of survey exactly at the important skills of communication for many people used in their job in 1997 and 2006. The data is differentiated based on how the important skills of communication vary according people community (Eksternal and Internal).Overall , all of the communication skills are important to use in the community ...

To conclude, all of the communication skills are important to use in the community but skills on dealing with ...
(I suggest, this sentence is moved into paragraph 1 so that your paragraph 1 have 3 sentences because it is better)
pujakurniawan19   
Aug 16, 2016
Scholarship / I have learned that even if you fail or lose, there is no reason to give up. Chevening Scholarship [2]

Hello Caronte16

I am very keen on reading this essay
I will try tongive you a few suggestion to improve your essay


Every human being is a leader, while they just leads themselves, family, even a big company because all of the people are leader in one way or another. Throughout of my life, I have encountered the chance to experienced position of beingas a leader, and through these experiences I have learned how to be a team playeras a good team member , a goodbette r listener.This condition influence my attitude and my minset so that I can be more patience , to have more patience and , to be notnever afraid ofin constructive criticism. What is the more, the experiences changed me so that becameand how to be a problem solver.

The experiences have taught meI have learned that even if youI fail or lose, there is no reason to give up; youI still have to get right back up. By listening to my peers and by learning from my mistakes, ...
pujakurniawan19   
Aug 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The best way to balance in successful career and happy family life at the same time [3]

Many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this situation cause? What are the possible solutions?

Having a happy family and success in career are the dream all of the people. Usually they try with highly ambitious to keeping a balance between it. The primary problem of this phenomenon is the people stressful cause have not enough time to rest. It is suggested that the most viable solutions is taking a job that close with family and easy in time management.

The most obvious problem associated with stressful cause impose focusing both on their career growth and family. If this continues, it will lead to more complex problems like fatigue and even they failed in their career or family happiness. For example, there is so many people who live in metropolis racing in career achievement and after that they so busy in manage their family when stay at home. As a result, they are getting illness and stress and give rise to bad impact to themselves.

A long term solution to this predicament is making a good time management so that get a stability. That is to say that work close to family such as entrepreneur or working online at home may be can have a bit pressure so that more enjoy. A 2013 recent National University of Singapore study reveals that more than 80% people who work close with their family tend to keep balance between career and job.

In conclusion, the people who too ambitious in career and in same time have to control their family cause they tend to stress easily. Where possible, choose the job that close with family so that simple in time management.
pujakurniawan19   
Jul 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS: TASK 1 ACADEMIC MODULE DEGREES GRANTED IN DIFFERENT FIELDS AT THE NATIONAL UNIVERSITY [5]

Hi Daniel
I have some suggestions for your paragraph 1

The given pie charts depict data on the changes in the number of degrees grantedThe pie charts illustrates comparison of the degrees granted percentages in 4 different fields of study (Law, Medicine, Business and Computer Science) at the National University in 1990, 2000 and 2010 during 30 years period.It is clear that the most degrees were granted was Computer Sciences than others in all of the times. On the other hand, business always experienced downward trend.
pujakurniawan19   
Jul 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / The problems that appear if using personal vehicle and the best way to solve it [2]

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problems does this cause? What do you think are possible solutions?

Transport facilities is basic need that must be possessed by the people who life early twenty century. Many ways people do to meet those needs especially by buying a private car. In developing countries, this problems began to emerge since almost people have a personal vehicle. Traffic jam, air pollution and waste fuel are primary problems that are caused by this conditions. Therefore, I believe some viable solutions like providing public transport and encourage people to using it should be taken to tackle this problems.

The first worst effect that is caused by purchasing private cars is air pollution that give bad impact in public health. A 2014 recent Hamburg University study reveals that almost metropolitan city in the developing countries such as Jakarta (Indonesia), New Delhi (India), Bangkok (Thailand) and some others have similarity problems especially reduction of healthy level of society is caused by air pollution. Asthma and skin cancer is an example of a disease that caused by the conditions. This result in the existence of overload private cars give problem in society's health levels. Another matter such as traffic jam also commonly problem that are caused by many purchasing of private cars. What is more, wasteful natural resource especially fossil fuel also the fact that usually appear because a car just transporting one or two person.

The problems aforementioned actually can solve if society and government equally as conscious aware of how dangerous this issue. Provision public transport is the best way to tackle this problem. Some cities are already implementing this way like Bogota which is solve private cars with provide public transport and it is work successfully.

In conclusion, it seems to me that the role of government and people aware have a great role in solve the problems is caused by many car ownership. Where possible, provide good public transport is the best way to solve it.
pujakurniawan19   
Jul 31, 2016
Writing Feedback / Sweatshop about clothing and a child does not have education, workers very poor and get low wages [3]

Hi Wendy Li
I have some suggestions for you

Sweatshop is the factories that hire juvenile in clothes manufacturing. In recent years, sweatshop can be found in some countries especially in developing countries such as Bangladesh, Thailand and Syria. There are some mistakes that can be discovered in this case like the juvenile be paid with very low salaries. What is more, juvenile who work there do not have a good education. It is suggested that the most viable solution is to creating new roles by the government so that the problems can be prevented.
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The Process of Produce Cement and Concentrate [3]

The diagrams bellow illustrates about process making cement and how it used to create concrete. Overall, limestone and clay are included in crusher and then pass through in three stages so that ready for use a cement. To producing a concrete, cement can be combined with sand, water and grave.

In the beginning, limestone and clay are crushed until being powder. Next, it is included in mixer and passing to rotating heater for burning. Then the product resulted, from these processes is grinded until be cement. The last step in these processes is the cement is packed with bags.

Regarding the second diagram, about producing concentrate, the cement with composition 15 percent is combined with water, sand, and small stone, each one 10%, 25%, and 50% respectively. After that, this combination is mixed continually and related in big mixer until to be an excellent better concentrate.




pujakurniawan19   
Jun 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Elderly people in the British society - bar chart info. [5]

Hello Faisalrachmn

In the bar chart shows the information about UK population prediction in 2035 and compared with 1985. Overall, the population predicted increasing rapidly.proportion of the people aged over 64 years old in the United Kingdom. It compare about the percentage in the past (1985) and in the future (2035) in England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland and UK totally.

I hope it helped
Regards
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Cement manufacturing process and produce concrete from cement [5]

Hello kurniarahmi

... production needs right proportion in simpler machine. Limestone and clay are included in crusher and then pass through into three stages so that ready for use a cement. Beside that, to producing concrete, cement can be combined with sand, water and small stone.(I add one sentence so that make your essay in the first paragraph will be better)

... before the mixture is really down to the grinder. FuthermoreFurthermore , after all the systematic process finished, the mixture turned into some cement which is then packed into bagsthe cement is packed with bags .

I hope it helped. Regards
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Cement making: limestone and clay are included in crusher and then pass through into three stages [4]

The diagram below shows the stages and equipment used in the cement making process and how it is used to create concrete. Overall, limestone and clay are included in crusher and then pass through into three stages so that ready for use a cement. To producing concrete, cement can be combined with sand, water and small stone.

In the beginning, limestone and clay are crushed till being powder. Next, it is included in mixer and passing to rotating heater for burning. Then, the product resulted from these processes is grinded until be cement. The last step in these process is the cement is packed with bags.

Regarding to the second diagram about producing concentrate, the cement with composition 15 percent is combined with water, sand, and grave, each one 10%, 25% and 50% respectively. After that, this combination is mixed continually and rotated in big mixer until to be an excellent batter concrete.




pujakurniawan19   
Jun 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'To make concrete. First, we make an amalgam of materials' - IELTS Task 1 Process [4]

Hello faisalrachmn, it seems that your essay is writing IELTS task 1, isn't it?. As far as I read your essay, the number of words (only 136 words) does not enough for writing IELTS task 2 which consist of at least 250 words. Beside that I have some corrections and you can see below:

The diagrams show the process of making cement which usually used to concrete productionand how it use to create concentrete .

Next, it is grinded into powder again and packed it. . The last step in these processes is the cement is packed with bags.
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / What do you think about advantage and disadvantage of living in a small community? [4]

In the past, peopl e who live in small community society are peacefullthe majority of extraordinary commune spent all of their lives in small villages . They lived with suitable social life where knew each others . But, today they are ...

There are the merits and demerits of living in a small village and further in this case.
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / What shows statistics about people aged over 64 years old in the United Kingdom? [2]

The chart illustrates proportion of the people aged over 64 years old in the United Kingdom. It compare about the percentage in the past (1985) and in the future (2035) in England, Wales, Scotland, Northern Ireland and UK totally.

Overall, the people aged 65 and over was predicted higher in 2035 than in 1985. This case apply for all of parts UK and UK totally. The highest percentage of people who aged 65 years and over is in Wales for both in the past and in the future (more than 15% and more than 25% respectively). On other hand, the lowest proportion is in the Northern Ireland because only around 12% in the past (1985) and around 23% in the future (2035).

The smallest movement happened in England and similar with UK in totally than just 8 percent approximately. Although in Scotland and Northern Ireland are the highest transformation because there is an increase reaching at around 11%.




pujakurniawan19   
Jun 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Parents less skilled, but are the best teacher, agree or disagree? [5]

Children tend to regard their parents as role models. The parent are the teacher who make the future of the children . While each person has their own opinion about parents are the best teacher or not. Personally, I agree with the idea that parents are the best teacher, because I believe some factors make them are the best.
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Total percentage of children ever born to older women aged from 40 until 44 years in Australia [4]

The data provides details about [...]

The table provides about proportion of children who are born by the 40-44 years old women in Australia. The data is taken from four different years (1981, 1986, 1996, and 2006) and it gives information about the proportion of none, one, two, three, and four or more children respectively.
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Comparison of children born by women in age from 40 to 44 in Australia [3]

The table graph shows the gathered statistics about children who are born by the women from 40 to 44 years old. The data is taken from four different years (1981, 1986, and 2006) in Australia.

Overall, by age 40-44 years, the percentage of women having four or more children had significant downward trend since 1981 to 2006. However, the proportion who have had one child and two children or not at all was reverse.

The proportion of women who have had just one child was the lowest, while they who have had two children were the highest in Australia since 1980s to 2006. The percentage of amount of children who was born by woman aged 40-44 years old was identical relatively. The highest change happened in 1986 in the women who have had one or none child at all that were 8.7% to 11.3% and 9.7% to 12.8% respectively in during a century.




pujakurniawan19   
Jun 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Statistic of births given from women aged 40 until 44 years by numbers of children and years. [3]

The table provides details about percentages of birth report from womanwomen aged 40 until 44 years by numbers of children and years. Overall, the women who gave birth or not had been considerably plunge d. by age 40-44 years, the percentage of women having four or more children had significant downward trend since 1981 to 2006. However, the proportion who have had one child and two children or not at all was reverse.
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Information about the comparison density in several areas from 1900 to 2000. [4]

Putu, i think you have to clarify that boundaries between paragraphs

The pie charts described These charts shows information about the comparison of population density in several areas between year of 1900 and 2000 from 1900 to 2000. During those years, Asia was the most populous regional, while the other small regionals regions were the least dominates population in the world.

Overall, i t is clear that there was a sharply growth in total global proportion from 1.6 to 6 billion
.the total number of people in the world increased almost 4 times from previous year .
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Life in a small village makes people more enjoyable doing their daily activities than in a huge city [5]

In the past most people lived in small villages where everyone knew everyone else. Nowadays, most people live in large cities where they only know a few people in their area. What do you think were advantages and disadvantages of living in small community?

One time, the majority of extraordinary commune spent all of their lives in small villages. They lived with suitable social life where knew each others. Currently, most people live in large cities that change their culture especially they just know a few among all of the communities. There are the merits and demerits of living in a small village and further in this case.

To begin with, some resident in a village lived more dependent on one another. They usually did work together especially social working like community self-help. The people had pay attention each other when a part of them needed a help. Taking an example, if a person got illness, his neighborhood could give assistance freely. This condition drawn excellent tolerance among people. As a result, living in small village make the people more enjoyable than in a big city.

Apparently, the downside of living in a small village is the people cannot access to enough infrastructure such as education and public infrastructure. This case sometimes makes their live in deficiency in improve self-skill. Some of them have not skill to develop their life to be better. As a result a part of people in village in poverty line.

Ultimately, live in small village causes people more enjoyable doing their daily activities than in a huge city. Despite this, live in this place would raise some disadvantages. Where possible, the local government should build public facility and education facility so that give more livability in the small village.
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / In the past, people who lived in a small society were peacefully, now they become more selfish [4]

Faisal, if this essay is IELTS test, you HAVE TO complete it with at least 250 words

In the past, peoples who lived with small society are peacefully. But, today they ...
There are the merits and the merits of living in a small village and further in this case.

So I think you have to explore again your essay specially in paragraph 2 and 3 so that complete the requirement.
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / Popularity of London attractions per month in summer 2013 (in thousands) [4]

Zaky, I agree with the Ichanpanst89's statements, so I would try to add some sentences

... Museum decreased steadily .

... August and September 2013 to 650 thousands visitors. The guest visited British Museum always was the highest among these three museums in there month.

The Science Museum decreased steadily from June to August 2013 from 400 thousands to 300 thousands visitors and making it to be a Museums that have lowest visitors .
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / I'm convinced that parents aren't the best teacher; they are less professional than qualified tutors [4]

Parents are the best teacher. Agree or disagree?

Children were taught by their parents when they was born. The parent are the teacher who make the future of the children. While majority opine that the best teacher is parents. Personally, I dispute with this opinion.

Parents have in-depth knowledge about their children's activities because they spend more time children than even teachers in schools. Because of that, they can find more deeply about their children's personality goodness and weakness. For example a research from Gadjah Mada University recently informs that the parents who often interact like telling about anything and discussing a problem can understand deeply their boy or girl. As a result, parents understand the children better and thus play a greater role for creating an excellent future for their children. Therefore, the parents have many opportunities in developing a good future for their children.

However, there are some reasons against previous notion. Firstly, in theory and academic knowledge, parents are sometimes are less professional than the instructions about teaching in schools. Actually, the case is very extremely influent for future career of the children. Moreover, parents are something too blind to notice the worse side of their children. Several parents occasionally lose in controlling and don't know standard of the children attitudes. In this case, teacher can make neutral judgment. Eventually, experiences learned from life have for greater role in life than the knowledge we learn from our parents.

To conclude, although parents have a huge opportunity in drawing ground the children and becoming a teacher for their children, I convince the best teacher isn't the parents.
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The London museum guest from June 2013 until September [2]

The line graph shows the London museum guest from June 2013 until September 2013 . Overall, British museum was most attractive museum in among others. (In my view, this sentence move to next paragraph)The visitors in British museum were swing from June until the end of period, science and natural history museum decreased slowly, and then, in august to September science and natural history museum increased.(You have to add more general overview) The number of visitor's proportions of the British and Science Museum illustrated an upward trend over the period, although the number of people visited the Natural History Museums experienced a downward trend.

In 2013, The visitors in British museum were swing from June until the end of period, science and natural history museum decreased slowly, and then, in august to September science and natural history museum increased . British museum visitors were about 600 guest.
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Comparison of Visitors per Month in Three London Museum [3]

... Science and Natural History Museum in London Cityformfrom June to September in 2013.
... and Science Museum showed an increase but reduce at a certain periodan upward trend over the period , while the number of visitors ...

On June 2013 , the proportion of visitors in British ...
The visitors of British Museum increased relatively grew up to 700 thousand on September and it is the highest among these three London Museums. The visitorsguests of Science Museum slowly rose around 450 thousand and it was lowest in the end of the period.
pujakurniawan19   
Jun 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Visitors Ratio for Three London Museums in Summer 2013 [3]

The line graph show the proportion of people who came in British, Science and Natural History Museums in London from June to September in 2013. Over all, the number of visitor's rates of the British Museum and the Science Museum showed an upward trend over the period, while the number of people visited the Natural History Museums experienced a downward trend.

On June 2013, the number of British and Science Museum were 600 thousand and 400 thousand respectively. The visitors of British Museums increased sharply to nearly 800 thousand, but dropped to 500 thousand in next month before finish around 600 thousand in next month before finished around 650 thousand guesses in September. In the meantime, the proportion who came in to Natural Museum decreased rapidly from around 550 thousand visitors in June to 400 thousand in July, and then rose slowly to the last month (nearly 450 thousand in September).

On early June 2013, the guest visited Science Museum (400 thousand) was the lowest among these three museums. After that, it dropped about 100 thousand visitors in August. Then, there was a rapid growth to around 450 thousand visitors, but in was still lower than other museums.