Writing Feedback / TED "Got a meeting? Take a walk by Nilofer Merchant" [2]

Most of people spend lots of time for sitting ever day in their office to do their jobs. Sitting seems to be like a normal habit because all people do the same thing. However, it drives some diseases such as breast cancer and colon cancer. Nilofer Merchant has considered about how to tackle such difficulties and she tried to make a movement known as "meeting with taking a walk". The idea started from someone who invited her to a meeting, but her friend just said, "I have to walk my dogs tomorrow. Could you come then?". This conversation has changed her mind, and she asked people to go on a walking meeting, to the tune of 20 to 30 miles a week. Besides, she has learned an essential thing to solve problems such as: getting out of the box will lead to out-of-the-box thinking.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 "Unemployment should be made to work" [2]

Some people believe that unemployment people should be made to work for their welfare/benefit payments. Others, however, see this as cheap labor.

Discuss the possible advantages and disadvantages of making unemployment people take any job.
Do you believe that making unemployed people work is a good idea?

People need a job to fill their financial needs. While some people argue that unemployment should become an employee to earn money for their living, others believe that they only can be a part of low-payment worker in companies. I would argue that if they do some works, they might decrease number of unemployment in the certain country, while they are also lack of skills and experiences to do specifics jobs. Making unemployment work with running their owned business is the best idea.

Unemployment is still a prolific problem for some countries. Making them to be an employee will help government to minimize the number of people who do not have any job even the budget for taking care of them. On the other hand, they are lack of some competences to compete the other professional workers as the most beneficial people for company. Since they have low qualifications, company will give them the lowest position related with their ability.

In my opinion, I strongly believe that unemployment should encourage themselves to build their own business for their living. They do not need to have some difficulties being a worker in company, or have unchanged low-position with minimum payment. This strategy not only valuable for government but also individuals who are more independent even create new jobs for others.

To sum up, I do believe unemployment should be driven to be more independent for their living than just rely on company as employer. Government should give them financial support to run their business.

Writing Feedback / Task 1 "Percentage of housing owned and rented in the UK" [2]

The pie charts below show the percentage of housing owned and rented in the UK in 1985 and 2005.

The proportion of own and rented house in the UK between 1985 and 2005 was illustrated in the pie charts. Overall, it can be seen that there was a significant growth in the number of homes and the percentage of own private house dominated this accommodation. While in the rent types of house, the figure of council house decreased during 2 decades.

Both types of owned and rented house rose from 22 million to 27 million homes, accounting for 5 million increased over 20 years. In 1985, the most popular house was privately owned house, representing over three-fifths of all types of houses, and it was still popular that increased to a significant proportion in 2005. The figure for social housing also had the same trend that having 3% increased starting at one in twenty in 1985.

In the types of rent houses, people were more prefer to rent council house than private house
at over less a fifth and over one in ten respectively in 1985. However, the percentage of council house decreased dramatically to reach 12% then the figure for private house remained stable.

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Writing Feedback / Longer life spans. Cutting edge of technology has driven advanced facilities in health sector. [2]

Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives.

In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

Cutting edge of technology has driven advanced facilities in health sector. People' life tends to be longer than even before and it argued that they are more health and active in societies. I would argue that elderly still productive in their age particularly in the modern families who concern to pursue their careers, and they also can make contribution in education sectors.

In reality, most of parents spend a lot of time in working to build a stable position in a company.
Women as housewives are also becoming more independent in financial area and sometimes they decides to pursue their study in a high level of education. It means that lots of time has delivered doing such careers and activities, while they have responsibility to take care their children. Having active and health grandparents will be beneficial for those women because they can help to nurture their grandchildren at home and no need to pay a service from babysitter. The elderly also can establish a close relationship with grandchildren to form family tie.

In addition, being health at the age over sixty-five is still possible to teach and conduct a research even share experiences or skills for young people. Those jobs must be appropriated with them, related with advanced skills and enormous experiences that they had. This is also the way for them to keep culture still exist with telling history or playing traditional game.

To sum up, people aged over 65 are still health in this modern of facilities especially in the health area. It encourages them to keep fit with many advantages activities such as supervising the member of family and contributing in education field.

Writing Feedback / Gradual decrease between the birth rate and the population growth in Scotland [2]

Writing task 1 "Demographic trends in Scotland"

The percentage of demographic trends in Scotland between 1940 and 2020 is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, it can be predicted that three demographic trends will decrease at the end of the period.

Initially, the birth rate and population growth rate stood at 2.5% and approximately 1.0% respectively, while the percentage of new babies was the highest one in that period. Both of figures decreased at a similar level over the following 5 years, proportion of population growth increased significantly reached 1.5%. This trend was different with the death rate that it fell slowly over 15 years.

The percentage of people who died in this country unchanged at 0.3% then it continued to reach a low of 0.2% during several years. There was also a gradual decrease between the birth rate and the population growth, while the percentage of the growth population decreased dramatically and this rate disappeared in 2005. It will be estimated in 2020, the death rate and the birth rate will reach less than 1% from total population.

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Writing Feedback / "What will future jobs look like? by Andrew McAfee, TED" [2]

Product of cutting edge technology has dominated our labor market. Machine production and robot have replaced manual labors in the most companies in the world. This brings an effect for industry related to the requirement that will be offered, and people who are looking for a job. Individuals will encourage having such qualifications to fill high standard of companies' demand. In fact, ordinary people might be possible to achieve a job for their living, while others became unemployment. People who do not have job tend to have only low education and lack of experiences.

To solve this, being entrepreneurship and pursuing study in advance levels are the best solution. Entrepreneurs drive people more independent and even will create jobs for others. Besides, Government and schools also have a role to make sure that students are educated from educational system with appropriate skills.

Writing Feedback / "The jobs we'll lose to machines and the ones we wont" Anthony Goldbloom. TED [2]

Machine learning is a cutting edge of technology that gives a dramatic breakthrough for human being. People argue that such machine will replace some of human jobs, while others say it has a limit function in novel situation.

In the early '90s, machines have developed by a simple task and it is far more complex now to do human's activity. In the past, teachers might read over thousand of essays while machine can possible to read millions of them within minutes. In 2012, Kaggle company created an algorithm that could give a grade for high-school as human teachers do. It can be concluded that machines are going to outperform human jobs.

However, machines cannot handle that they have not seen before. In result, they are possible to produce "creativity" for human activities. Currently, it can be seen that it is not making any progress because it faces situation just according to the past experience.

Writing Feedback / Summarize an article "Why Brexit happened and what to do next" [2]

British exit "Brexit" is one of the profound phenomena not only in Europe but also around the world. People believe that globalization is the factor of such situation, and in the future people should have a clear vision about global education and be aware to every individual.

Globalization leads society to think more critical to the future and more independent, even in the political of government. In this case, citizens who agreed with this, have a purpose to take back the control of lives and the feeling that they were unrepresented by politicians. In this opportunity, the number of leave voters tends to use this issue to represent their vote to be known as "a real citizen". Many of them are immigrants and they need more attention from society about their rights such as education and work.

British citizens voted to exit the European Union on June 23, 2016. With this agreement, people are more likely to be fear about their future. In this moment, people need a new hope to be a guarantee to live their life. To face this situation, government should have a clear vision particularly about education. Education is a basic foundation for nation to create prosperity and it prepares generations to be more mature for a real life.

To sum up, Brexit had brought a significant impact for society. People should ensure that globalization does not live people behind, and reconcile the democracy and globalization with education program.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 Three categories of crimes in a particular city, 1984-2009. [5]

The graph below shows the number of crimes in three categories in a particular city in England between 1984 and 2009.

A breakdown of the people numbers who commit crimes in the three types of criminal act in England from 1984 to 2009 is illustrated in the line chart. Overall, there was a numbers decline of people in all criminal acts. While a Car theft act was the biggest one, House burglary also had a highest number during the period 1989 to 1994.

Initially, Car theft act stood at about 3560 and it was by far the highest number compared with other cases. While over following year, during 15 years, both Car theft and House burglary decreased significantly and hit a low of 3100 and 3200 respectively, only Car theft rose slightly at about 3410 criminals in 2009. In such period, however, Street robbery increased gradually, peaked at over 3000.

House burglary stood at about 3385, and 1984 saw a rapid growth in this case. It reached a high of over 3500 in 1989. This was a biggest number of criminal cases at that year, and this continued over a year. Both This case and Street robbery fell slightly under 3200 and it was also a downward trend in Car theft at the end of the period. All the cases had a decline gap around 160 crimes during 25 year.

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  Line Graph
  

Writing Feedback / Too many cars create problems and the State, also even society should work to solve this [3]

More and more people in developing countries are purchasing cars for the first time.
What problems does this cause ?
This cause does the problem. Cause of many cars?

The number of purchasing cars is increasing in underdeveloped countries. This phenomenon drives drawbacks for environment and societies. I would argue that government and individuals act are the best way to tackle such problems.

In developing country, people believe that cars are the convenient transportation to transport for working, shopping, and even going to school. With this facility, they are protected by sun radiation and unpredictable weather. In fact, those advantages create some serious effects like, air pollution and traffic jam. In 1992, experts in WHO department found a serious case of this, hundreds of children in India are difficult to breathe normally and tend to getting trouble in respiratory system because of too much carbon dioxide on their lung. Such advanced transportation also causes a trend of traffic jam. In reality, managing of transportation facilities is not mature enough to have lots of car. The result of this is feeling uncomfortable on road because of traffic jam. People spend much time on road so they get late to do some activities.

Facing those situations, government should tackle the effective solution and individuals should involve on that. Firstly, making the legal rule to restrict cars use is the best way. This rule might ban individual to have more than 1 car or higher tax for having an automobile. If people do not obey, they should give punishment like fine. In addition, supporting from people is needed because they will implement those rules.

To sum up, many cars in developing country create disadvantages and The State even society should responsible for this. Cooperate both of sides will make an effective solution.