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Posts by mdamanhuri77
Name: Mohammad Daman Huri
Joined: Sep 13, 2016
Last Post: Oct 4, 2016
Threads: 22
Posts: 35  
Likes: 3
From: Indonesia
School: Universitas Negeri Surabaya

Displayed posts: 57 / page 2 of 2
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mdamanhuri77   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED Summary Jamie Oliver Talk About Obesity and Food [3]

... United States will die because of what they eat every day. In America, the biggest death factor is caused by heart diseaseheart attack which is diet-related disease.

... and start to cook and enjoyingenjoy fresh food. in 30 years ago, many foods available are local and fresh, but now, the big companies make (...) "real" food and offering fast food which ...

Ensuring what children eats in the school also ...
It is importantcompulsory to control the children (...) teach them to eat vegetables

hi yonathan,,that's all my advices
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / In our daily life, we often meet strangers or our neighbors in the street and we just greet them [5]

hi sari trisna,,let me see and give you some advices

..., we often meet strangers or ourneighborsneighbours in the street and we greet ...
Nowadays, people have a mindset that strangers isare culprit, they can injurehurt us and we should to be waryworry to them.
... people usually feel more enjoy when they are open their inner selves to strangers comparedthan their friend or family. Because it is easy to share a story with someone (...) so it has lack of consequences.

#you use a simple way and sentences more,,you have to increase your ability to build sentences
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / A record audience is expected to watch tonight's presidential debate [3]

Over 100 million inhabitans are hoped presenting the firts presidential open debate beetwen Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Most spectators will fulfill the capacity of the place where it will take place. In 1960, the firts debate in television between John Kennedy and Richard Nixon were wtched by 70 million US citizens.

According to kennedy, the debate was the condition to find out and breakthrough. The most valuable issue was a compulsory of televission growth. Nixon was estimated by listeners of radio to be better candidate, who the best candidate for the US Citizens. He regulate a rule of debates when he became candidate again in 1968 and 1972. After that the pattern of the debate this candidates used again in 1976.

Recently, the debate as the center of president campaign. The debates beetwen baragck Obama and Mitt Romney was watched around 67 million spectators and became the most favorite debate in 20 years. If this debate(beetwen Hillary and Trump) is attended by 100 million people, it will be a powerfull viewing figures.
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Rebecca MacKinnon: We can fight terror without sacrificing our rights [2]

The biggest issue for our democracy is how we reduce terrors without sacrificing and violating a human's right. Rebecca MacKinnon became several workers in journalist, researchers etc, she concluded that our democracy do not double down on securing and defending human rights.

Take Tunisia as the example, It was a succesfull country to revolute to be democracy country but five years after that, they got serious invasion by ISIS recruitment and the citizens ask the governement to take them safe with everything. Iyad el-Bagdhadu, an activist who make a joke of ISIS on Twitter and he got his account suspended because he shared about the leader of ISIS.

So, these social network companies has a vital role to discourse the public. They have to fix this problems to avoid inadequate way of people see now in the particular media. They need to be tranparrant to the Users about their mechanism. Rebecca believes that, finally, we can tackle the cutting-edge empowered network of extrimist to be more peaceful world in the future.
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Why I Won't Get the Genetic Test for Breast Cancer (Article Summary) [3]

This summary is extracted from an article that published by Cynthia ...
These markers are able to give alert to the people who (...) genetic and endsend on breast or ovary cancer.
... execute the cancer threat isthat eliminate the organs ...
This surgery can causedbe caused /cause early startsstarting of menopause and as a results to symptoms of osteoporosis, ...
... strong reason to judge women who have high risk to get ...

hi fauzan,,that is my advices
you have to point out the double verb,you can change it with "that" "who" etc

mdamanhuri77   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Summary-Immortalising Human Brains at The World's Largest Brain Bank [4]

... they used to usinguse brains for medical research. They need a fresh brainmind that has to arrive in ...
... until arriving at McLean Hospital and havehas to be removed intact ...

First, a brain is weighed, after that then sliced in half ...
... frozen using a cocktail of drydrying ice and liquid nitrogen.
The frozen slices are then saved into deep ...
The other hemispheres is treated for examining and dissecting needs.

that's all about my advices,,,thanks
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / The World's Best Towns for Outdoor Thrills [4]

Areas of beauty are always the best choice for outdoor activity especially for campers. We need a guide and plan for exploring strange areas. Here one of the top 9 Towns with Best outdoor activities. Moah, Utah. It has easy acces since it is in central acces point with beautiful parks in the United States. We will be ssurrounded by Rocks of arches National Park with a hundred mile green canyon. The visitors can climb in Alpine Forest.

There are several numbers of bike activities such as trail rides, technical rides etc tha can be the most favorite place for bikers. This a favourite route for advanced experience of cycling in Porcupine Rim.we can down-hill 200-foot cliif overlooking and turn in through the Juniper Woodland and pine Forest with artificial technic to drop along the way.

Outdoor events can be handle by local entrepreuners such as Bike shops and outdoor stores. Local community shoud tackle the position to increas selling goods in this whole area.
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Camille A. Brown: A visual history of social dance in 25 moves [3]

Camille said that dance is language that can emerge and express a society. It not just a dance but, it is a choreographed by anyone who want to make a sequent body movement. Lots of people should realize that dance need a crativity both individuals and creative identity because social dances named Bubble Up changes and spreads like wildfire.

We have to remember about history of dance. In American-African dances how they could be influenced by history. These are fully adapted by creative movement in the present. We need a huge emotional spirit to create a choreography as like the Cakewalk, the dance that parodied by mannerisms of Southern high society. A mad thing about this dance is performed for the masters who never suspended of being fun.

In the 1980s and 1990s this trend countinued with the emergence of hip-hop, african-american social dance that more vixible that long last past. Camille end his TED's talk with "We speak a common language. We exist and we are free".
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / A mobile fridge for vaccines (TED Summary) [3]

hello fauzan,,here are my feedback,,thanks

Vaccines which saved in same place to save food ...
However, the concept of this invention havehad been announced (...) Carre then being commercialized with...
The concept of this device iswas related to ammonia circulation.but unfortunately, it iswas not really effective even givegave bad impact to human body.

be careful of using past tense...
you need to use collocation properly

mdamanhuri77   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 Proportion of Pupils Attending School Between 2000 and 2009 [4]

The table presentedshows the comparison of Proportions of Pupils Attendingattending pupils in Four Secondary School ...
... every school attendance had decreased gradually between 2000 and 2009 exceptbut community school which ...

... of school attendance with 52% or more than a half of total school attendance. The second one is Grammar School with 24% or less than a quarter of total school attendance.

... of school attendance with 12% or less than a fifth of total School attendance.

... in 2009 Community Schools had increased significantly with 58% or more than a half of total school attendance.
... Schools had decreased gradually with 20% or a fifth o f total school (...) also decreased gradually with 12% or less than a fifth of total school attendance.

... lowest percentage of 10% or just one in ten of total school attendance.

the grren one is repetition,,you have to replaced with others,,and not efective explanation
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / HAWAI'I VOLCANOES NATIONAL PARK [5]

A giant Volcanic crater named caldera on huge island in Hawai was formed by hot searing activity. The bottom of the caldera, there were lava and steams. Kilauea located in Hawai's Volcanoes National Park. Mauna Loa is another volcanoes in Hawai tha well-known too with hig geological activity. Hawai's Volcanoes was discovered in 1916. Nowadays, this park becaome the most visited with over 1.5 million visitors per year.

Kilauea was one of the most active volcanoes in the world since 1983. The visitors can have a look the eruption directly when they come there from a safe place. To see Kilauea's summit, the tourist can walk across the field which full of lava and this land is created by cold lava process as well as beatiful green scenery such as Lush rain forest.

Finally, volcanoes are not the only one center of interest in Hawaai to encourage the number of tourists. Little zoo such as the nene goos, carnivourus caterpillars and delighted face spider. So, there are a lot of activities that we can enjoy in the Hawaai's Volcanoes National Parks
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / TED summary Task Every Kids Need Champion [6]

She iscomecame from educator families,..
So she cancould look at education reform...
Some of those changes havehad been good but some of them have been bad.
... and negative influences arewere the common reasons of the kids dropdropped out. She regretsregreted why people never discuss ...
... Comer that no significant relationship will be affected to zero significant learning.

hi dioba,,tha's a;; abou my advices for you,,keep writing properly yeah
mdamanhuri77   
Sep 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / Christina Warinner: Tracking ancient diseases using ... plaque (TED) [4]

Chritina Warinner, an archeological genetist at the center for Evolutionary Medicine at the University of Zurich, hope to well-understand abou evolutionary vulnerabilities of our bodies that we can enhance to mantain our health in the near future. She explained that there are different ways to approach it with extracting Human DNA from old bones and from this, she reconstructs the human genome at differents points for changing that might be related to adapt, risks factors and inherited diseases.

However, the most vital health challenges face the complex form and dynamic rather than just mutation of our genome. It interplays between genetic variation, diet, microbes and parasites. These disease revolute to complex component. In order to understand these disiases, we need to lear about the pas study of human genome and more holistic approach to human health in the past.

So, there are several numbers of challenges that we face today. We have to continue and research about this unique phenomenon research.
mdamanhuri77   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Over-grazing was the most dominant aspect of worldwide land degradation. IELTS chart [6]

... the predominant causes whyof agriculture land becomes...
(overall is good)

According to the given data, [...] of effected reason at almost one in ten. (it needs more specific others data)

By 1990s, Europe had land degraded almost a quarter ...
... almost less than a fifth and over-cultivation supplied zero impact. (need more specific too)
mdamanhuri77   
Oct 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Hurricane Matthew due to hit Haiti with 210kph winds today [3]

Haiti faces a flsh flodds and wind storm extremely which was a terrible hurricane. Tha 4 categories of hurricane approach with maximum stable winds 201 kilometres per hours. This is hoped can pass without damaging the east areas of jamaica and then cross over to near by the south-western tip of haiti on Monday local time.

The National Hurricane Centre in Miami stated that the storm is forecasted to beat a little number of population in eastern of Cuba on Tuesday afternoon. The forecasters said the metres of rain could fall on several restricted areas of Haiti, blow up the fears of death and flood in the high level of deforestation country.

The warning of the hurricane is announced in Haiti, Jamaica, and parts of Cuba. The continous rain in part of jamaica cause flood and sink homes. The forecaster said that the sourthen haitian village would be in worst damagely.
mdamanhuri77   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / The free movement of goods regulations and its impact on the domestic market [3]

These days, connecting between a country and anotherothers had become important (...) which had positifpositive and negatifnegative impact in order forto society.

... this regulation havehas enormous number (...), but the authority havehas to fit the condition.

This rule has become a common in the most country ...
... joined into the nation alliance that can allow to trade their ...
That can rise the provit and increasedincrease the economical condition.
... tax of goods that comes from outsideforeign country.

In contrast, it can give the opposite of result if the local entrepreneur donotdoes not have challenging sensesense of competition . The free movementtrade of goods would ...

... likely to choose other brands than original brand.
... foreign brand that have more low-cost than local brand. It can eliminate the native opportunity to develop and to endorse their label.

To sum up, it can provide merit for local brand if the government ...(you need to summirize the essay, not just a recomendation)
@ Alamsyah Ismail that's all about my advices,,keep writing
mdamanhuri77   
Oct 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / How Did a Blind Man Climb Yosemite's El Capitan in a Day? [3]

The first blind climber ever was Erik Weihenmayer in El Capitan in a day On 26th September 2016. Elite team of climbers and mountaineers accompanied him, including Hans Florine, who had a record 177 times to climb El capitan. The team chose the route of East Buttres, the shortest one to el cap with 11 pitches and 1,500 vertical feet.

He was not worry about the duration. He and team set a blistering speed and passed another climbers on the road and reached the top in a short time at 3 Pm. It was around eight hours after they started. Weihenmayer had trained and enhanced his technique to chose the suitable approached and learned on Aconcagua that someone walked over though snowy.

He mittigated the potential damage for himself by walking in single way between two teammates who guided him in front of him. He kept one hand on that bags' friend. It was really struggle for him, so he never come up with this idea.

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