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"The Truth about the Tiananmen Square Incident (massacre)" - Academic history essay

2 - It is redundant to say "real truth." I like the way Ershad fixed that first paragraph, and I...

Writing Feedbackkin0504 - Sep 13, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 15, 2010
ESSAY B. An issue of importance to you...KATRINA- My Story

4 - On August 27, 2005 my father, my sisters and I ate donuts at a local café in Waveland, Mississippi,...

Undergraduatethunder_two - Sep 14, 2010mea505 - Sep 15, 2010
There are many pros and cons toward communicating ways; different options

3 - Look at this part where you need "AND" I think books, radio, and television are the most effective ways....

Writing Feedbackthaitam - Sep 13, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 15, 2010
"Disappearing Acts, Art Eduction in Schools" - Texas State University Admission Essay

3 - This expresses your main idea, but it does not express a strong idea. Make it a strong idea...

Undergraduatekkrissy89 - Sep 13, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 15, 2010
where from (dad) + quality (student government) - UC

4 - I love the essay about your dad, but include a bit more of your "world you come from" if...

Undergraduateflowerpower - Sep 13, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 15, 2010
"the doctor announced that I was pregnant" - Courageous action

5 - Maybe it was because of the anticipation of becoming a mother that made me so much stronger. Oh,...

Writing FeedbackKathyLala - Sep 13, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 15, 2010
Generation gap: your generation is different from your parents' generation?

5 - Yes, I'm sorry for not explaining well. The thesis statement is confusing! ---> However these vast differences...

Writing Feedbacksuve - Sep 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 15, 2010
how to start an essay on why am i going to college

7 - Alchemy! Take those three topics and put them into the boiling water. They'll try to escape, but use...

Essaysmanny318 - Sep 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 15, 2010
IELTS ; Is it unfair to pay such high salaries to Football players?

2 - ...than a normal person will do in all her or his its life. Great corrections and guidance here!...

Writing Feedbackjcmorais - Sep 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 15, 2010
"many great things" - What special qualities will you bring to the UCF?

3 - Not all who apply are accepted. This is an unnecessary detail anyway. rare opportunity it is not...

Undergraduategabeibrahim - Sep 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 15, 2010
Vires, Artes, Mores. Overcoming shortcomings to be a stronger person.

6 - "Vires, Artes, Mores" has been my philosophy my entire life. Maybe not the Latin words themselves, but definitely their...

UndergraduateChrisWalker - Sep 11, 2010ChrisWalker - Sep 14, 2010
"an exceptional medical education" - Yale Essay on interest in school

3 - yes i have read an essay very similar to this one. I do not know if you are the...

Undergraduatesfrick - Sep 12, 2010karlayad - Sep 14, 2010
Admission Essay-- The Soup

6 - This is a very good essay. I am not sure of what the college prompt is but it seems...

Undergraduatecraving4suga - Sep 9, 2010karlayad - Sep 14, 2010
Mechanical engineer: CMU application essay

5 - This needs some punctuation to distinguish it as the word being defined: "Mechanical engineer" -- One who applies the...

Undergraduateyuanda - Sep 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
Data commentary about the growth of 3G phones and total phones

4 - Apostrophes are used in contractions, and that makes the writing informal. He can't win the game because he...

Writing Feedbacksonofgod229 - Sep 10, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
My parents never attended college; CARE Summer Bridge Program at FSU

2 - This program offers a type of guidance that flabbergasts me. ----- this is a strange word to use. Maybe...

Undergraduateamwdance - Sep 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
Music as a major component of my personal identity - Common App Short Essay

5 - This is good writing, but it needs a vitamin. It needs some seasoning to spice it up. It basically...

UndergraduateJeffOkala - Sep 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
"prepare me for larger-scale engineering" - Purdue Personal Statement

4 - Obviously ... everything you say in this essay is a statement of the obvious. It shows that you...

Undergraduatehkk - Sep 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
Only Four Sensees; Common App- Topic of Your Choice

4 - Use creativity and enthusiasm to derive meaning from the fact that you lacked this sense. What has become stronger...

Undergraduateacidpop - Sep 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
Football team, people, tradition, excellence: "Why The Ohio State University?"

4 - I think Kevin's got that right. You are writing an essay and its good to be crazy and wacky....

Undergraduatekcoxey - Sep 12, 2010donrocks - Sep 14, 2010
THE CAY, story about one trip in the in Caribbean Sea

8 - thanks a lot a lot...

Writing Feedbackzeed - Sep 2, 2010zeed - Sep 14, 2010
Vires, Artes, Mores: "an unprecedented number of barriers"

4 - Throughout my life I have been faced with an unprecedented number of barriers both extreme and minute.---it's a little...

Undergraduateclaudiacastillo - Sep 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
"self-motivated nature" - Meaningful Event Essay UF

2 - I'm sure they have accomplished more important things than college! When I started high school I was...

Undergraduateonex - Sep 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
"Raised in Canada and my father" - feedback on my approach to a Personal Statement

4 - An important influence on my life who shaped much of who I am today was My father was...

UndergraduateBkite92 - Sep 12, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
'reevaluation of my life' - Vires, Artes, Mores : Strength, Skill, Character

7 - Stephanie, Now, why don't you re-write the essay with the suggestions that you have received thus far? You...

UndergraduatePenasteph07 - Sep 11, 2010mea505 - Sep 14, 2010
"major in Engineering" - UIUC Essay, motivation to transfer and professional goals

3 - I think this is too dramatic. I would write this: to identify the field I want to enter:...

Undergraduatearchiesz - Sep 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
"trying and learning new things" - Personality Trait

9 - No, you need to fix it a little. All you need to do is mention the words trait and...

Undergraduaterayban11 - Sep 6, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
Centers, infinity, absurdity--they're exciting

12 - I think that part might have been lost on me... I misunderstood which two unlike things you meant, but...

ScholarshipYayz - Aug 21, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
Favorite Plays: Importance of Being Earnest & Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead

3 - I think this should be the start of paragraph 3. I see this thing as 2 body...

UndergraduateYayz - Sep 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
"the profession of physical therapy" - PTCAS Graduate Application Essay

4 - The flood lines on the houses, the sprayed paint 'X' on the front door which resembled the number of...

GraduateShannonM10 - Sep 11, 2010EF_Kevin - Sep 14, 2010
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